I am a starter writer that loves fan fiction! Writing things other people and myself both enjoy is my goal :D!
Twilight is shocked to realize her studies have kept her from being closer to her friends. In realizing this she decides to combine studies with spending more time with each of her friends. She will encounter some social situations and adventures no amount of studying or organization could prepare her for.
This is my first ever fan fiction and I love it already, there will be more to come :D!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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interesting and i hope to see more
505784 Thanks!
I will get the next chapter out as soon as it's finished and I've gone through it. At the moment I don't have a pre-reader/editor so I do that myself for now. 
506272 i can pre read but i cant edit if that helps
506275 Oh yeah anything helps!
If you just tell me what you think of it and the good parts and parts that weren't so good all that haha.
506469 ok just cut and paste the story into a PM and send it to me when your ready
very nice
Thank you!
Awwww
I don't always read shipping fics, but when I do it's because they don't suck.
522842 Yup lots of awwwws to come
523343 Yay my story doesn't suck!
I try to do my best! Your fan fictions are pretty great to! 
Great chapters, keep them coming!
529767 Thank you! There will be more I promise!
Good work. I think the ending bit was a little off, but it was still charming all the same. Keep it up!
532569 Thank you for the feedback!
It helps me improve and focus were I need to. I'll be sure to keep the chapters coming. 
I'll go through this chapter and give some detailed comments. Hope it helps :) I don't expect you to change all these things, it's just supposed to give you some directions to improve in.
“Hi Twilight!”
Good chapter start, considering it's Pinkie it's perfectly appropriate to start abruptly like that ;)
“You won’t believe it Twi! “Dash has been working on a breaking her old speed record!”
THOU HAST ALSO BROKEN THY QUOTATION MARKS!
(IMO the second quote mark should just be removed. You also put speech from the same character in separate quote marks for each individual sentence, I recommend using just one quotation for each block of speech.
(eg “You won’t believe it Twi! Dash has been working on a breaking her old speed record!
Well -- she broke it!”))
Twilight looked distracted, she had always had this weird feeling when she saw Rainbow but dismissed it for now and snapped her attention back to the energetic earth pony.
a) You just randomly switched POV to Pinkie. This is a story written from Twilight's point of view, right? Keep it that way, otherwise it gets weird to read.
b) Show, don't tell.In this case, internal dialogue is a good strategy. For example : "Twilight's stomach squirmed at the thought of Rainbow Dash. Again. Why was that happening so much recently?" (and you can leave the fact of her deciding to concentrate on the conversation up to the reader to imagine, based on how she responds. Leave out whatever you can, so that you can spend your effort on polishing the parts that do need to be included)
Pinkie exploded for a second time, Twilight wondered to herself where the confetti continued to come from.
Also a good opportunity to show, not tell, and use internal dialogue. eg "Pinkie exploded for a second time. Where was all that confetti coming from?"
Pinkie made several flying motions with her hooves.
.. how do I say it.. this is too specific and too general at the same time. You go to the trouble of saying they are 'flying motions' (which is information that can be inferred from context), but don't describe exactly what motions are made. My personal preference is again, to allow that information to be inferred. for example "Pinkie gestured energetically".
What I'm getting at here is any information you do include should be interesting. The fact that they are flying motions is not interesting. Exactly what motions were made is interesting, particularly in how they comment on the character doing them (eg. "Pinkie lunged, thrust her hooves forward dramatically, and finally spun slowly to a stop." Except that messes with the rhythm of her speech, so "Pinkie lunged, and gestured dramatically" seems more like what the doctor ordered.)
Pinkie looked shocked
You do that frequently (X looked/seemed Y). How about something phrased in a less passive way -- say, "Pinkie recoiled in shock."
More active phrasing makes it easier for the reader to become immersed in events. It's like in animation -- if something is moving, it's best to give it as much movement as possible. In the context of writing, that means you gotta kill words that don't really say anything much by themselves, whereever you can, so that you get maximum meaning packed into the remaining words.
Then Her mind suddenly jumped to a more worrying subject
Then Twilight got hit with an idea.
This looks like you left in a sentence that should have been deleted, since you start both consecutive sentences with 'Then' and also immediately drop the 'more worrying subject' without comment after bringing it up.
Keep an eye on that capitalization, too. In this case the implication is that Twilight is a goddess or some other object of worship.
Twilight talked to herself as she thought.
RANDOM UNEXPLAINED INDENTATION FTW! (check the story text to spot it, it doesn't show up quite right when I paste it here.)
Twilight smiled slyly.
. That is showing, not telling
Is good
“Hey egg head you made it!”
Probably needs a comma after 'head'. You need an editor.
“So you want to like study me?”
Definitely needs a comma or two. To match Rainbow's speaking patterns from the show, I'd personally choose to write it as
"So you want to, like .. study me?"
They both laughed. "You know Dash the time we've been spending together has been great."
Dash looked out to the view their journey her had provided them. Dash smiled. "Yeah it's kicked flank!"
You need to find a way to convey the passing of time. Because I'm totally not getting that there has been enough 'time spent together' here to bother commenting on. Even though you say 'it took her longer than usual'. Implying tiredness is one way to convey a sense time passing.. eg. Dash lazily turned her head and smiled. "Yeah, it's kicked flank!"
Rainbow's mind wandered in the time sitting there. She thought maybe she should tell Twilight how she felt; it'd be better than finding out, over a certain some pony known as Rarity slipping up. Her mind wondered about how great it might be if she told Twilight….or how bad it could end. She just needed the right time...
Her thoughts were interrupted by a slight wet feeling on her shoulder. Twilight had drooled, in her deep sleep, and it was now running down her foreleg. Dash grimaced,
but couldn't help a small grin after.
Yep, you need an editor. Several spelling/grammar corrections have been highlighted above (in red).
"Maybe she could tuck me in again? WHAT?! Did I just think that…?"
IMO these don't need quoting at all, since they're internal dialogue. Most commonly, this kind of argument is written with one 'persona''s comments in normal type, and the other's in italics -- works pretty well.
Further comments omitted, cause I'm trying to be constructive, not overwhelming!
Overall I like your plotline (obligatory DAT PLOT reference
) and your characterization of.. everypony so far 
. Pacing is the most important thing to improve, IMO (though not a lot has actually happened, the story feels too fast), and grammar + spelling after that.
551872 This helps me out so much!
I seriously can't thank you enough for the constructive criticism. 
On the quotation marks haha I've been told that before, it seems to be a habit of mine.
Pacing I know I also need to work on, thank you for reinforcing the that fact I need it!
I do have ALOT to work on (as should any one imo) especially being newer to writing fan fiction. I do love MLP:FiM though so even if I fail or mess up sometimes I'll keep going!
I really have to thank you for taking the time to shoot me some seriously helpful tips and things to work on; it is going to help me improve this story and future ones to come. Though those other stories might not come for a while cause this one is going to be very very long I believe. Though I may work on some things on the side!
Again thank you, and I am really happy your enjoying it so far and that it has a plot line that is good enough to read.
To any newcomers who like to read the comments before they read the actual story, don't be afraid of the arguably amateur grammar and spelling. The story itself is very entertaining and it is that you should judge, not the shallow conventions of a wishy-washy language.
Well I am amateur at writing soooo I can't say the grammar is going to be perfect. Although its kinda sad in a way cause English is my primary language.
I do appreciate you taking in that I put my heart into the story though. I am giving it my best and only hope to improve it to the best I possibly can. Thank you.
More awwwwww confirmed.
It was my pleasure. This truly is a great story. It's simple--then again, the simplest things in life are always the most profound, and the most enjoyed
Love it!
Just got done reading Twilight's List and I'm glad I found another TwiDash fic.
629782 Thank you glad your enjoying it!
I'm working on the next chapter, though rather slowly. I have a job that has been consuming most my time unfortunately.
It will continue on though!
Great story so far!
Just to let you know, you don't have to add a disclaimer to the bottom. As far as I know, any person that works on MLP wants us to do these things.
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Huh... No haters... That's new... Usually there atleast 5 by the time a story hits 32 likes... How many moustaches would you like sir?