• Member Since 26th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 10th, 2013

Braveheart106


T

After an accident at Cadance's Wedding involving Spike, some hard cider, and Rarity, Twilight tells Spike to go find some friends, so he finds comfort in none other than the Cutie Mark Crusaders. As he hangs with them Spike becomes real close to one of their fellow members. Will their "close" relationship ruin the Crusader's friendship? Will they make a horrible mistake that may uncover the biggest mystery known to ponykind? Find out!

*Story Coincides with How To Save A Life?*

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 96 )

Not bad, a few simple mistakes but nothing too bad. I'll see where this goes.

:rainbowderp:WHOA! Way to many errors! You need to put a space after a comma!

That being said I will favourite this to see where it is going.

i swear to drunk i'm not god

its a nice idea but a lot of errors but i will see were this story gose ether then that good work.:heart:
:moustache::heart::raritycry:
:moustache::heart::unsuresweetie::heart:

Damn, Good, some errors, nut other than that good:moustache:

Thanks for the support guys! I'm glad to see people like it,and i apologize for the errors,I need some people to proof-read it,if they wouldn't mind:fluttershyouch:. I'll continue on with the story,and improve it to keep ya'll interested. Again thank you for reading so far:twilightsmile:!

I present to you, Chapter 3!:pinkiehappy:

i thought apple jack would be wearing dragon bones armor by now but was wrong :fluttercry: twilight there was a time you were cool :flutterrage: and obvious spike plan wont end good

1076109>>1076095 Thanks for commenting, and to be honest I was originally gonna have Trixie kill Spike in some plot twist, but that would deem to evil and 'out of character' so I scrapped the idea. This book is to intertwine with my other book coming out tomorrow, I'll reveal the name of the book when I get at least 10 commenters :raritywink:

Also for the dislikers, what's wrong with the story? I wish to know so I may improve it:raritycry:

YAY!! i like this story but it i could be better. it seems the story is just being rushed and im hoping you can make seance a bit longer. Its a good story keep it up!!:heart::heart::heart:

1076775 I'm glad you like it, and I apologize if it seems rushed, i'm really trying to get to the interesting part which will be the longest(next chapter) So I can begin my next book, stop writing this one and continue to work on that, then come back to this so they intertwine with each other perfectly. I'm glad you enjoy this book and hope you will continue to read it:pinkiehappy:.

1076740
I haven't disliked your story but some reasons that others may have done so are as follows:
1 It feels rushed
2 There is barely any thought delving (something which most romances have lots of)
3 The characters just seem . . . . . . off
4 It's kind of all over the place (see 1)
5 IT JUST FEELS UNPROFESSIONAL! Honestly its nothing like the top stories on this site. I like the concept of this story but the execution is pretty awful. Why? It just is!

1078115 While I may agree with some of what you said, some do seem to bother me quite a bit. When you say the relationship doesn't have any thought, I say my next chapter will focus more on these two and see where they're relationship heads on as they leave Ponyville. The rushed part another gentleman has told me, and I told him as well this story needed to be sped up to coincide with my upcoming story, but assurance the next chapter will be at least 3,000 words long:pinkiehappy:. The characters seeming "off" for in your case I'm guessing Rarity and Twilight, is actually my favorite part of your comment. If you read CLOSELY and watched a certain episode of this show, you'd notice the particular words I decided to use for when Rarity poured Twilight a cup, go look back and read it. The 4th reason you wrote I'm not so sure about:rainbowhuh:, it seems in place and on check to me. And your final reason "It feels Unprefessional" Sort of offended me:pinkiegasp:, but I respect you're opinion. I believe you didn't read and understand the concept of my story quite well, which is ok. I hope you get to understand it, and will continue to follow and at least try to enjoy the rest of the story. I hope this clears any questions you, or anyone else might have about what I'm doing here:twilightsmile:.

1078682
I'm sorry if I wrote offensively (I was kinda in a bad mood earlier). What I meant about the unprofessional comment is that in comparison to other stories I've read, this one doesn't quite grab me as much. I can't really explain why but it just doesn't. However I am kind of a hypocrite cause I couldn't do any better, please regard my last comment as only my opinion and not a personal attack on your writing.

Also . . .

If you read CLOSELY and watched a certain episode of this show . . .

I've only seen about 8 episodes so chances are I haven't seen that episode.

Its quite alright my friend, and if you look on you dashboard I left you a surprise :pinkiehappy:. I really want to grab you personally now:flutterrage:, that's how determined I am now to make you want to remember this, that's the goal of this book. I understand you were in a bad mood, we all are sometimes:pinkiesmile:. As I can see you say you didn't see The Canterlot Wedding:twilightblush:, so the point in this chapter is missed for you, you MUST watch that episode to understand where I'm going at with this whole story:raritywink:

Drunk Spike :rainbowlaugh: mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3322-1330549587107.gif I lol'ed.
As for the criticism, no, it's not perfect, but what is? For a first try, it's pretty good, and the mistakes can easily be fixed by a spell checker or a pre-reader. All in all, nice story! Keep up the good work :twilightsmile:

Why thank you, that comment made my day today:twilightsmile:! I hope he cleared up any criticism about perfection, oh and look out for chapter 4 folks, it'll come out pretty soon...

Riz

1076001"as Rarity began pouring her a glass, with a green glow from her eye quickly flashing on the drink." Is Rare a Changeling ?

1091294 Oh my goodness:pinkiegasp:, you were the first person to notice that! Good job, and *Drum roll please* Yes, Rarity is in fact a changeling. I can't tell you why or how, for my next story(I think you've read it) will reveal why Rarity is one. I hope you'll continue to read anyway, and will stay for the Shocking Conclusion. Again, you won't believe how happy I am you noticed:pinkiehappy:,now keep quiet for the ones that didn't find it lol:raritywink:

Listen to this, you did a good job!

Riz

1091357
Do you know why my pict is showing up in the comment ?

1091384 Hmm that'd be a big no. I can't see it lol

Great story thanks for recommending this one in your other story
And while it has it's flaws I say to hell with it the story has me
Hooked I would fav if the damned iPad would let me:pinkiesad2:
I hope you release new chapters tomorrow because it's my birthday 17ofAugust
:pinkiehappy:

1097160 Oh my goodness, tomorrow is your birthday:pinkiegasp:! I'll make sure to give you a special surprise for it:pinkiehappy:. Thank you for reading and approving my story, you don't know how much it means to me. Oh and don't worry, favorite whenever you can, I'm just glad you like it:rainbowkiss:

Chapter 4 has arrived just in time for Mindless Brotaku's birthday! Let's celebrate everypony:pinkiehappy:!

Omg thank you this means a lot more than anything thank good sir I hope you get featured on equestria daily :scootangel: :pinkiehappy:

1104395 Your very welcome! But I'm not done yet, wait until tonight or tomorrow morning for more! I really appreciate your kind words, but I'm content with making you and many others happy!:pinkiehappy: Have fun today with your birthday, have an awesome one buddy:twilightsmile::ajsmug::rainbowkiss::raritywink:

:moustache: spike tricking a conductor with trollestia :trollestia: threat
Wow he has grown into quite the wise guy all he needs now is a carrot and some what's up doc

1105072 Lol I knew someone would catch on to that eventually:pinkiehappy:. I left some clues in the story, hinting towards some surprises and a hint for the end of the book, can you find them all:ajsmug:? Oh, and how was Zecora's rhyming, was it good or needs improvement:fluttershyouch:.

Why do I think that they're going to join up with Zecora on her quest?
Also, romance tally
:moustache::heart::unsuresweetie:
:fluttershysad::heart::eeyup:
:rainbowlaugh::heart::pinkiehappy:

1166388 Sounds about right, though you're missing one unknown couple lol. Also you'll find out a LOT of shocking things next chapter, should be out tonight with a special reward for all my readers, since they were all so patient:pinkiehappy:.

Edit: Chapter 5 is coming soon everyone! Be patient, and wait by tonight I promise!

1167642
Ah, I wasn't sure, but me thinks

:raritywink::heart::twilightsheepish:

1169370 lol nice but you'll find out eventually:raritywink::twilightsmile:

The end is near......part 1 of the finale is up!:twilightsmile:
(A surprise awaits all of my faithful readers tonight:trollestia:)

Oh... well shit.

???

the fuck is going on? i iz confuzd

1170059 Where are you confused? Its simple lol, Rarity is a changeling, Spike and Sweetie Belle are trapped in a cave, and Twilight and her friends are stuck with Shining Armor!

???

1170841 iz happening relly fast

1171017 trust me, It's gonna be a LOONG way until the end, yes Endgames is the final chapter, but it's 3-4 parts. I apologize if it seems 'rushed' my friend, and I understand your concern. I needed this chapter out today. Though I assure you, the last parts will be 4,000 words each. I always keep a promise, and I wouldn't want to dissappoint my readers. So please everyone bear with me, and just stick along for the ride!:pinkiehappy:

Oh no Spike, you were hit by a falling branch! What's that, you think you might be dying? Here, let me get my violin...
gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/LeBron-James-Smallest-Violin-Gif.gif
I like the story, though. And it's good that Rarity/Changeling is only being incredibly obvious in private. Just like the show! :rainbowlaugh:

1171865 I'm surprised you didn't use Mr.Krabs for this lol, but yeah I'm trying not to stray TOO far from the show, but I'm not gonna stick exactly to it. This first part is preparing for the longer parts, which I'm excited to start writing about! Although you must expect it by Thursday, or at least next Monday, I'm on vacation from Friday to Monday:unsuresweetie:. I'm glad you enjoy it, and I'm SO happy I got to 1,000:twilightsmile:!

Riz

1169867
Finale ? Will there be more ? :rainbowhuh:

1179722 Sorry for not answering earlier, I haven't been feeling well lately. Sadly, no this chapter Endgame is 3-4 parts, and that should sum up "My Sweet Burning Desire":raritycry:. "How To save A Life?" will pick up where Burning Desire left off and finish the story altogether. After these two books I'll make a book dedicated to Twilight, Cadance, and Shining Armor in their younger days:scootangel:. THEN (probably in November/December) I'll be releasing a new book, I can't tell you what it is or what it's about but it will be good, and it will be LONG:pinkiehappy:. A multiple part book hopefully:pinkiehappy:. These books are part of a series I'm making, and I'm glad people are supporting and are giving me suggestions on what to do:twilightsmile:.

Chapter 6 and a story preview shall be arriving soon:pinkiehappy:, thanks for the patience:twilightsmile:

Been working so hard I forgot I was reading fiction but great job I might suggest this as a cover image
th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/065/b/b/sweetie_belle_x_spike_by_fiftyniner-d4rzj8i.png temporary of course but you know just to keep it balanced

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