Buried alive. Left to rot. On the edge of his fate the detective is pulled from his coffin. The city that covered him is gone and the detective is worlds away. Magic, friendship, love, harmony, someone still has to put all the pieces together.
Look, I can see that you were trying to use this chapter to provide background on our main character, but seriously, age regression, what the fuck. Twilight can be weird at times, but this seems highly OOC, also probably highly illegal. This needs to come back and bit Twilight in the ass.
5419140 Twlight enchanted a doll to make everyone fight over it so she could have something to send a letter to celestia about.....not OOC really. Also, twilight does need to face some sort of punishment.
I hate this for the sole fact that what twilight did (in the name of research) was completely out the of line. I mean one thing I value above anything else is being able to choose what to do with my life and my body.
I like that story I really do but this ... this is just ... Twilight need to pay for this, I don't care how but she just NEED to pay you don't just use a spell on another without permission and hoping to get away with it she need to understand that.
Really?! A fucking unsupervised (unicorn wise) age regression spell on an alien species with magic you don't understand combining with your own magic Twilight?
Then you toss him off to your friends without another unicorn nearby in case the shit hits the fan? Plus you lie and get information of Val's past he hasn't given up willingly?
Oh thank god. I was worried there might be a relationship between Twilight and Val with Celestia as the red herring. Glad to see Twilight fucked it up.
Using complicated and untested magic on a being she barely understands is extremely dangerous. Messing with their mind using untested magic is even more so! To do both without the full, conscious consent of said being is the kind of thing I would classify as goddamn crime against humanity!
I know Valentino is a pretty chill guy, but if he just shrugs and lets Twilight off the hook for this I'm going to stop reading this story. It's a ridiculous abuse of both power and his trust.
5419112 Yup. It's not like zipping someone back to an age where you can alter their entire development by accident is a good thing. Dude better come out of screwed up or Twilight getting her ass beat.
Truthfully, hated the chapter. If it falls in the 'of no consequence' area, I'm going to unlike the story.
Really disliked this chapter because of what Twilight did to him. You better make her pay, or have him hate her for a while. Meh, there goes my good mood -,-. He will remember those three now from his youth. Saying that his parents and brother were on vacation while he probably knows right now that they got killed. What will Celestia say by the way?
----> This way to the bunker.
(Atleast this means that he won't go into a romantic relationship with Twilight.)
I must confess to feelings similar to those expressed below. What Twilight did was amoral, bordering on evil. It was certainly a violation of things the 'Princess of Friendship' should hold dear. There needs to be some consequences for this.
At the moment, I'm bordering on down voting and pulling the story off my list. This chapter is a borderline story breaker for me.
5419206 No... tails. Those do not match the shapes of their manes. Rainbow Dash has the green, blue, and violet in her mane brushed back along her neck and the red, orange, and yellow brushed forwards so you can't see the yellow of her mane touch the green like in the cover art. The ponytail in Applejack's mane lies against her neck and shoulder so you can't see the curve like in the cover art without seeing her coat. The violet curls underneath Applejack is too big to be the one of the ones in Rarity's mane since it is split into two sets of curls. herogamesworld.com/images/my%20little%20pony%20games.jpg The only part of Pinkie's mane that sticks out far enough to be visible without seeing her face is that little springy cowlick sort of thing, not a large think billow like in the cover art. images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/20400000/Pinkie-Pie-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-20424750-570-402.jpg
Hmmm... Yeah, as much as i would like a "oh, no skin off my noes, that spell you did was nothing special" This is Really not the case.... unless your saving a confrontation for later where Rook uses this knowledge to make Val distrust Twilight Then i can see that working but if the cat gets out of the bag Then Val should be up in arms Reluctant but really upset about what happened Extreme violation of what should be done to him, But yeah Great story mate Hope to see more.
Good job, writer, you got me all into a indignant, frothing at the mouth rage at the idiocy of Twilight and company. So Twilight just decides to de-age someone without permission and her friends were fine with that? Gods, this was painful to read.
Cannot believe Twilight would abuse her magic like this. i also can't believe that any of her friends would be ok with this. Spike should have known better. Fluttershy should have known better. Rainbowdash should have known better and how did Luna not know something was up? I'm sorry to say but this chapter as a failure. The story has been fantastic so far but this chapter needs to be swept under the carpet or else drastically changed. Even if Twilight gets punished i will probably stop following this story simply for how out of character you made everyone on this chapter. And you were doing so well with the characters as well. I love your take on Celestia.
My suggestion to fix this chapter since the crowd agrees that this chapter is a failure would be to simple change the age regression to being an accident. For example Twilight is doing some experiments with his magic, accidental regresses his age, then drops him off with Fluttershy because of the royal duty stuff. Most of the chapter can be kept and Twilight is far more in character.
5420625 That would make this far easier to take. If the plot needs this to be Twilight's mistake, it would be far easier to forgive an honest, curiosity driven mistake. That said, it's interesting to see the difference between "Fluttershy on two legs" young Valentino and "Dresden level snark-at-the-gods" adult Valentino.
Decent chapter, interested to see how valentino reacts to this if he remembers, or how everyone else reacts if he doesn't. To the people who are crying that this is way out of twilight's character, its not that much of a stretch if you look at how much she abuses magic and various moral codes in the show. I'd like to point out that this is fanfiction, where anything can happen - which is a good thing as situations which would never happen in the show and how chars react to them makes for good reading. Also, please ignore the arrogant manchildren demanding you scrub this chapter completely, this is your story and you do what you want with it, not them.
I don't hate this chapter. I'm just confused as WHY Twilight thought it was a good idea to turn Val into a child, mind included. Without permission, btw. But I hope it'll be explained in the next chapter.
Honestly, what Twilight did to Val is pretty much Hitler tier evil. Messing with his body is one thing, but forcible mental regression? I vote for her getting slapped. In the face. With extremely high velocity lead projectiles. Multiple times, preferably.
Yes. That's why I added the whole dark-hair thing. Also, his skin tone changes depending on how many kinds of drugs he took/amount of blood he lost from chapter to chapter.
Plus he's British. You know how much sunlight they get in GB? Fucking none.
I have only been this disgusted with something that happened in a story once before. There must be retribution next chapter. No one with even a little bit of spine would take this lying down. If Twilight doesn't receive punishment I and, from what I gather of the comments, many other readers will be done with this story.
Well I don't see a problem with this chapter. Yes Twilight fucked up and I was not happy with how she did that to him with out really getting his approval. But this was a really fun and cute chapter. I am sure Twilight will not get away with what she did, but I am glad that it happened. It was nice to see Val when he was younger and it was a pretty interesting way to get him to reveal some of his past since he isn't really the type to open up about that stuff with others on his own.
So... I think things are fine how they are.
Definitely don't think the real twilight would do something like this, but I can roll with how things are going so long as this doesn't get ignored to much in future chapters.
Great chapter, but all I'm really waiting for is his reaction after finding out this whole 'event'. I think he will either blow a fuse, or compleat my ignore all three of the mares that were included into that 'event'.
Fuck you twilight. does everything involve about the fucking science? Really? screw twilight. do you know how much pain he have? i know Equestria is really peace, i bet Twilight never see someone choking 4-7 year old kid was her own son. P.S: it remind me detective conan.
I firmly belive Twillight broke several rules related to ethics when she transformed Valentino like that whitout him fully knowing what she was about to do.
What really disturbs me about this chapter is how willing Twilight was to kill Valentino.
Yes kill. That's what could have just happened here. If Twilight's spell interacts with Valentino in any way that is at all unexpected, then Valentino's adult mind might be gone forever. We are the sum of our experiences, and with those experiences erased, Twilight will have essentially killed him.
I can't actually believe how thoughtless that was. I don't care how well researched the spell was, or how many studies she's done of Valentino's situation, she risked a whole life with her experiment. Furthermore, she is obviously aware that he did not give informed consent with her statements to Fluttershy.
It's disgusting violence of trust. 1) she performed dangerous (possibly deadly) experiment on her friend 2) she performed dangerous (possibly deadly) experiment on her friend without his consent 3) she performed mind-altering magic (human analogue is feeding mind and personality altering drugs) on her friend without his consent 4) she did it for fun (petty excuse of studying young humans behavior is indeed worth of Mengele). 5) she easily lied to his younger self (Twilight ? Easily lying to the child and being glad of it ???) OOC does not even starts to describe it. Is's pretty sick stuff you got in this chapter.
5406863 Celestino, if assuming Celestia suddenly grew a dick.
wow Twilight is a dick
WHAT. THE. FUCK. you dont go around de-ageing people WITHOUT permission...this chapter pisses me off..and the next probably will as well..
....I have a pretty good feeling that dreaming will come back later in the story.
Look, I can see that you were trying to use this chapter to provide background on our main character, but seriously, age regression, what the fuck. Twilight can be weird at times, but this seems highly OOC, also probably highly illegal. This needs to come back and bit Twilight in the ass.
5419140 Twlight enchanted a doll to make everyone fight over it so she could have something to send a letter to celestia about.....not OOC really. Also, twilight does need to face some sort of punishment.
Well, this was adorable.
I hate this for the sole fact that what twilight did (in the name of research) was completely out the of line. I mean one thing I value above anything else is being able to choose what to do with my life and my body.
Consequences! I Demand Consequences!
Huh. I really hope Twilight doesn't simply get away with something like that
For a moment I thought that was John Constantine in the cover pic.
Then I realized I'm the only guy on the site who reads those.
He is going to kill twilight for this it know it.
Retribution for valentino
I like that story I really do but this ... this is just ... Twilight need to pay for this, I don't care how but she just NEED to pay you don't just use a spell on another without permission and hoping to get away with it she need to understand that.
Really?! A fucking unsupervised (unicorn wise) age regression spell on an alien species with magic you don't understand combining with your own magic Twilight?
Then you toss him off to your friends without another unicorn nearby in case the shit hits the fan? Plus you lie and get information of Val's past he hasn't given up willingly?
Oh thank god. I was worried there might be a relationship between Twilight and Val with Celestia as the red herring. Glad to see Twilight fucked it up.
Using complicated and untested magic on a being she barely understands is extremely dangerous. Messing with their mind using untested magic is even more so! To do both without the full, conscious consent of said being is the kind of thing I would classify as goddamn crime against humanity!
I know Valentino is a pretty chill guy, but if he just shrugs and lets Twilight off the hook for this I'm going to stop reading this story. It's a ridiculous abuse of both power and his trust.
5419112 Yup. It's not like zipping someone back to an age where you can alter their entire development by accident is a good thing. Dude better come out of screwed up or Twilight getting her ass beat.
Truthfully, hated the chapter. If it falls in the 'of no consequence' area, I'm going to unlike the story.
5419708 This. So much this.
Really disliked this chapter because of what Twilight did to him.
You better make her pay, or have him hate her for a while. Meh, there goes my good mood -,-.
He will remember those three now from his youth. Saying that his parents and brother were on vacation while he probably knows right now that they got killed.
What will Celestia say by the way?
----> This way to the bunker.
(Atleast this means that he won't go into a romantic relationship with Twilight.)
damn twolot
Muffin in the coffin!
5281889 I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought this.
5419856 yeah definately :D
I have loved every single chapter, and then you write this?
I'm taking my like back until appropriate action is taken.
I must confess to feelings similar to those expressed below. What Twilight did was amoral, bordering on evil. It was certainly a violation of things the 'Princess of Friendship' should hold dear. There needs to be some consequences for this.
At the moment, I'm bordering on down voting and pulling the story off my list. This chapter is a borderline story breaker for me.
5419206 No... tails. Those do not match the shapes of their manes. Rainbow Dash has the green, blue, and violet in her mane brushed back along her neck and the red, orange, and yellow brushed forwards so you can't see the yellow of her mane touch the green like in the cover art. The ponytail in Applejack's mane lies against her neck and shoulder so you can't see the curve like in the cover art without seeing her coat. The violet curls underneath Applejack is too big to be the one of the ones in Rarity's mane since it is split into two sets of curls.
herogamesworld.com/images/my%20little%20pony%20games.jpg
The only part of Pinkie's mane that sticks out far enough to be visible without seeing her face is that little springy cowlick sort of thing, not a large think billow like in the cover art.
images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/20400000/Pinkie-Pie-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-20424750-570-402.jpg
Hmmm...
Yeah, as much as i would like a
"oh, no skin off my noes, that spell you did was nothing special"
This is Really not the case....
unless your saving a confrontation for later where Rook uses this knowledge to make Val distrust Twilight
Then i can see that working
but if the cat gets out of the bag
Then Val should be up in arms
Reluctant
but really upset about what happened
Extreme violation of what should be done to him,
But yeah Great story mate
Hope to see more.
Good job, writer, you got me all into a indignant, frothing at the mouth rage at the idiocy of Twilight and company. So Twilight just decides to de-age someone without permission and her friends were fine with that? Gods, this was painful to read.
Cannot believe Twilight would abuse her magic like this. i also can't believe that any of her friends would be ok with this. Spike should have known better. Fluttershy should have known better. Rainbowdash should have known better and how did Luna not know something was up? I'm sorry to say but this chapter as a failure. The story has been fantastic so far but this chapter needs to be swept under the carpet or else drastically changed. Even if Twilight gets punished i will probably stop following this story simply for how out of character you made everyone on this chapter. And you were doing so well with the characters as well. I love your take on Celestia.
My suggestion to fix this chapter since the crowd agrees that this chapter is a failure would be to simple change the age regression to being an accident. For example Twilight is doing some experiments with his magic, accidental regresses his age, then drops him off with Fluttershy because of the royal duty stuff. Most of the chapter can be kept and Twilight is far more in character.
Unless you somehow missed the sentiment being displayed here, good author, allow me to provide an accurate summary.
5420625 That would make this far easier to take. If the plot needs this to be Twilight's mistake, it would be far easier to forgive an honest, curiosity driven mistake. That said, it's interesting to see the difference between "Fluttershy on two legs" young Valentino and "Dresden level snark-at-the-gods" adult Valentino.
5419526
Mate, Constantine has blonde hair and isn't pale skinned.
Also, im reading "Hellblazer" right now. Is awesome.
Decent chapter, interested to see how valentino reacts to this if he remembers, or how everyone else reacts if he doesn't. To the people who are crying that this is way out of twilight's character, its not that much of a stretch if you look at how much she abuses magic and various moral codes in the show. I'd like to point out that this is fanfiction, where anything can happen - which is a good thing as situations which would never happen in the show and how chars react to them makes for good reading. Also, please ignore the arrogant manchildren demanding you scrub this chapter completely, this is your story and you do what you want with it, not them.
5419225 You are forgetting the fact that she was freaking out and panicking at that moment. She seemed quite calm in this chapter. So yes, OOC.
I don't hate this chapter. I'm just confused as WHY Twilight thought it was a good idea to turn Val into a child, mind included. Without permission, btw. But I hope it'll be explained in the next chapter.
Honestly, what Twilight did to Val is pretty much Hitler tier evil. Messing with his body is one thing, but forcible mental regression? I vote for her getting slapped. In the face. With extremely high velocity lead projectiles. Multiple times, preferably.
5421032
Yes. That's why I added the whole dark-hair thing. Also, his skin tone changes depending on how many kinds of drugs he took/amount of blood he lost from chapter to chapter.
Plus he's British. You know how much sunlight they get in GB? Fucking none.
I don't like twilight's actions but it will be interesting to see the effects please don't change the chapter.
I have only been this disgusted with something that happened in a story once before. There must be retribution next chapter. No one with even a little bit of spine would take this lying down. If Twilight doesn't receive punishment I and, from what I gather of the comments, many other readers will be done with this story.
Great. I come to see the update of one of my latest tracks, and come out pissed off at Twilight's completely amoral magical abuse.
SatinCoffin, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.
SHE GOT HIS APPROVAL WHEN HALF HIS MIND WAS STILL TRYING TO WAKE UP, WHILE THE OTHER HALF WAS STILL OFF IN SLEEP-LAND! That BITCH!!1
He needs to smack an idiot, because... well... Twilight is one of the dumbest smart ponies I know!
... I did enjoy reading the chapter... but that still doesn't excuse what she did.
Well I don't see a problem with this chapter. Yes Twilight fucked up and I was not happy with how she did that to him with out really getting his approval. But this was a really fun and cute chapter. I am sure Twilight will not get away with what she did, but I am glad that it happened. It was nice to see Val when he was younger and it was a pretty interesting way to get him to reveal some of his past since he isn't really the type to open up about that stuff with others on his own.
So... I think things are fine how they are.
Definitely don't think the real twilight would do something like this, but I can roll with how things are going so long as this doesn't get ignored to much in future chapters.
Chapter approval on standby until further information is received. Be advised, incendiary missiles are armed and tracking.
Great chapter, but all I'm really waiting for is his reaction after finding out this whole 'event'. I think he will either blow a fuse, or compleat my ignore all three of the mares that were included into that 'event'.
Fuck you twilight. does everything involve about the fucking science? Really?
screw twilight. do you know how much pain he have? i know Equestria is really peace, i bet Twilight never see someone choking 4-7 year old kid was her own son.
P.S: it remind me detective conan.
I firmly belive Twillight broke several rules related to ethics when she transformed Valentino like that whitout him fully knowing what she was about to do.
What really disturbs me about this chapter is how willing Twilight was to kill Valentino.
Yes kill. That's what could have just happened here. If Twilight's spell interacts with Valentino in any way that is at all unexpected, then Valentino's adult mind might be gone forever. We are the sum of our experiences, and with those experiences erased, Twilight will have essentially killed him.
I can't actually believe how thoughtless that was. I don't care how well researched the spell was, or how many studies she's done of Valentino's situation, she risked a whole life with her experiment. Furthermore, she is obviously aware that he did not give informed consent with her statements to Fluttershy.
That's some Mengele shit right there, yo.
"But it's not as fun if you know it's coming!" he said with a big grin."
Oh my God...
It's disgusting violence of trust.
1) she performed dangerous (possibly deadly) experiment on her friend
2) she performed dangerous (possibly deadly) experiment on her friend without his consent
3) she performed mind-altering magic (human analogue is feeding mind and personality altering drugs) on her friend without his consent
4) she did it for fun (petty excuse of studying young humans behavior is indeed worth of Mengele).
5) she easily lied to his younger self (Twilight ? Easily lying to the child and being glad of it ???)
OOC does not even starts to describe it.
Is's pretty sick stuff you got in this chapter.