Good day. I am Nasty Mister Monket, your local British bone-idle cynical Zen master, fatalist and comedian. On the miserable goit scale, my current rank is "burning wheelie bin in the rain."

I will probably merely read the contents of this website rather than contribute. My attempts at writing normally reflect my personality - incoherent and a complete ripoff. But don't be fooled, I've written loads of things, I've just never deemed them worthy enough to be uploaded. Because they're all incoherent and ripping something off.

I used to have a load of edgy drivel written on here, because I'm depressed. If you look below, you can see me making cringeworthy attempts at driving off visitors with commercialism, years ago when people commented here.

I don't watch the show anymore, but for some reason I still find myself hanging around here every few months. Can you get Stockholm Syndrome from a fan fiction website?

I recently had a long hiatus. This is because I was quite literally homeless and on the verge of death. I'm now dying much more slowly, and for some ungodly reason, I'm still coming back here, despite the fact I am now partially sighted and reading can be tough. If my transplant donor were still alive, they would probably be asking for a refund.

I'll catch up soon, Noble Jury.