Drowning in Seas of Hopelessness

To the most beautiful mare I’ve ever met,

Each and every morning I wake up and I’m miles away from home. No one here means much to me, not like you. Every single day is a struggle to make it till the end. To me, it seems like there’s no point in even continuing on living. When there’s nothing left to live for, why try? I’ll tell you why. The one and only thing that keeps me going now is you even though you don’t know it. And you are also the reason why I’m coming back home, why I’m abandoning this quest to find who I truly am.

You might not want me to give up for a second time, but really I don’t see it that way. In my mind, I have found who I truly am. Both times that I’ve gone on these quests to find out what it means to be a dragon and how that applies to me, it will seem like I’ve failed. The first time, when I was still a baby dragon, I won’t go so far as to say I failed, but I can’t say that I succeeded either. This time, I found answers. Not the ones I expected to find, don’t get me wrong, but I definitely found the answers to my existential quandaries. I’ve realized that anything and everything that makes me the dragon I am, lies close to my heart, back home in Ponyville. And most importantly, with you.

I don’t know what’s happened over the course of the few years that I’ve been gone, but I can only hope that you haven’t found that special stallion yet. I don’t mean to sound selfish, but all I want is just one chance. One chance to show you that I can become the lifelong partner you’ve always dreamed of having. You might think that I’m asking for you to commit to me, but I’m not. I don’t want you to give me all the love in your heart just yet. In fact, I beg you not to. I wouldn’t feel that I’ve earned it. You can’t just go away for years, come back one day, and expect those you left behind to sell their souls to you.

With all these miles separating us, all I can do is weep. Weep for the opportunity that I’ve almost certainly thrown away. Don’t feel bad if you don’t want to go out with me, I’ll understand. Times change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. If fortune chooses to smile upon me, then I can vow to you, here and now, that I will give you the best night of your life. I have no way to prove this to you, since all I have to offer at the moment are these few written words, so I’ll have to hope that you can trust me.

In our shared past, we’ve both had our ups and downs. I can’t speak in much more detail as to what your experiences were like, but I can shed some light on some of mine, at least, the ones that wrenched my heart the most. By now you already know that I’ve had a crush on you since the moment I first saw you all those years ago. Each and every time you missed the real, deeper meaning behind an act of kindness I directed towards you, left a deep gouge upon my heart. The one that hurt most of all was probably the time with the fire ruby. Don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say, I’m very glad that I gave you a gift that could make you so ecstatic. The only thing that has continued to haunt me is how you didn’t realize that you were taking advantage of the crush I had on you even as you did so. In a way, I regret not telling you directly, right then and there, exactly how I felt. If I had then maybe I wouldn’t have had to suffer so many future blows upon my heart. I won’t continue to describe these times; I’m pretty sure you already knew what they are anyway. It will suffice to say that all the dark times I’ve been through with you are still far outnumbered by the good.

Now that I’ve been gone, I’m hoping we can both forgive and forget the bad times we had in the past and move on, if not into a relationship, then at least continue to be good friends. The last thing I would want is for this confession of mine to destroy our friendship. Even with the knowledge that it could never become anything more, our friendship would still mean the world to me.

My greatest sorrow amongst all of this is that I already know what your answer will be. I’m a dragon and you’re a pony, so how could this possibly work. It couldn’t. Society just isn’t made that way. If there was ever a chance for our relationship, then I’ve destroyed it by going away for so many years. If I hadn’t been so blind as to what was directly in front of me, then maybe we could’ve been the rebels of sorts. Maybe we could’ve been those who pushed forward and strove to make a change in the norms of society. But now, I’m sure that most of the ponies in Ponyville have forgotten about me entirely. I was never noticed by them that much aside from that one birthday anyway.

I know that I’ve rambled on for way too long in order to get across such a simple point, so I’ll do my best to wrap this up quickly. In short, I have no doubts that I could love you for the rest of eternity and beyond. The thing that worries me most, is whether or not I’m too late with this letter. No matter what your answer may be I promise I’ll see you again soon. I’m sorry for all the mistakes that I’ve made.

Here’s hoping you’ll pick up the pieces of my broken heart…

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