This fic has been canceled and is to be used for learning experiences for new writers as well as a reminder on how not to do a character.
Hello my name is Silver Hooves, though you may call me Silver for short. I’m a unicorn stallion sporting a white coat, a silver mane and indigo eye color. I was born at Manehatten and, oddly enough, I’m among the rare few ponies to be born with a cutie mark, which resembles a silver scorpion’s tail. If that isn’t the strangest thing about me, I’m also the only pony born with silver blood. And don’t ask me how that’s possible because I have no idea. After living in Manehatten for 18 years I decided to move over to Ponyvile for reasons that I don’t want to go into detail. Anyway, here’s my story.
Chapters (2)
Its alright but seems a little drab at the moment and you butchered the spelling of Vinyl
4976595
Oh my gosh... It's Mewtwo!
*throws masterball*
WARNING! Sign of a self-insert!
WARNING! Sign of a special snowflake and a possible Mary Sue/Gary Stu!
WARNING! Sign of a special snowflake and a possible Mary Sue/Gary Stu!
WARNING! Sign of a special snowflake and a possible Mary Sue/Gary Stu!
Edit: Now that I've actually read it, I see that I was right.
Yup, he's a Gary Stu. Dammit, sometimes I hate it when I'm right.
Sorry, but this is something that I've been planning on writing but didn't actually get started on until recently. And I apologize, I'll go fix the error that I made once I get back from school. I'm glad someone caught my mistake there.
4976942 No, It's not going to be anything like that. The story is still new so you're going to need to wait until more chapters come out. And yeah, this is somewhat of a self-insert.
4976942 Also, I don't know who this Gary Stu is. Mind explaining?
4977233
Gary Stu is the male counterpart of Mary Sue.
And as far as reading more chapters of this, why would I want to? You've presented us with a super-special, seemingly flawless character that has members of the opposite sex throw themselves at him so frequently that it's downright annoying. Your wish-fulfillment fantasy may be fascinating as hell to you, but it's not doing a thing for me. Based on the votes so far, it doesn't seem to be appealing to other readers, either.
Maybe you should try creating a character people can actually relate to...
...My friends, the time has passed yet again.
After school, new target.
4977392 I feel you. Let's tear this a new one (though I'll be doing it during a break in classes. Go college!)
I wonder what a cutie mark for labor pains would look like.
4976810
*Catches Master ball in psychic grib and crushes it*
Whenever It tells something about Silver, I automatically thinklh6.googleusercontent.com/-cLm8557xPQE/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAAEk/3PR5CrlcZyY/photo.jpg
Just imagining that whenever he does something makes this story a lot more exciting.
4977221
4977233
You know what would be great? If aspiring fanfiction writers actually read some fanfiction (both good and bad) before publishing a story. Literally the same complaints come up every time in these Self-insert OC Mary Sue This-is-my-first-fic Stories. Now:
Judging Fics by Their Covers: My Impression of Your Description
Part 7 of 9999: Silver Hooves, the Author's Pony
Just the fact I've written six others of these shows this is nothing new.
What I get from the description is "Self-Insert Hooves was a very very special pony with no apparent flaws, and he is obviously the eponymous main character of the story". That's the definition of Mary Sue, a pony with no flaws, many talents, and who other ponies love for no reason.
It's cliche: OC moves to Ponyville has been done thousands of times before.
Other than that, your grammar and spelling seem good, and at 2000 words for a chapter, length isn't a problem. If you fix the Gary Stu-ness and the cliche, this could actually be good.
Impression: 1035/2563
>Your OC
4977275 Oh, sorry about that, but I'm just going to have this as the only chapter that this happens. After this, he wont be meeting with many of the characters very often. But there are going to be some mysteries that he is going to encounter in the future.
As for the character himself, he's actually going to have a lot of problems during his time at PonyVille. As for his cutie mark, that will be explained in the future.
38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9xpo0WQAp1rziwwco1_500.gif
4977942
4977233
This is extremely good advice. I know first time authors think that their self-insert fic is different, and that it is unfair not to give it a chance, but generally they're wrong about that. May I suggest that you peruse some of the stories in Twilight's Library? All of the stories there have been through a fairly rigorous review for quality. If it's in there, it is likely to be good. You can also try looking for fics with characters you like or genre, and see whether they've been 100% Approved By Twilight's Library.
Because Elric is right.
4977275
If you are writing the story for you and you alone, then it doesn't matter. If, however, you want it to appeal to other readers, you have to offer them something, too, other than "this is my story about me."
This fic in two words could be neatly summed up as "ayy lmao."
4977467
GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS?
I just don't know what I did wrong with this fic. I'm just surprised that my earliest fics are doing better than this one as well as the one before it. I guess that's what happens when something that comes out of your head doesn't turn out the way you want. Still not sure if I should just scrap this or leave it hanging for a while, but I can see it's getting negative reviews. I think since it's still so new, I'm just going to leave it and hopefully get some inspiration to make it better. I may have to shorten it just to get rid of the 'Gary Stu' thing so that way it can be a better story than it already is.
4978419
I'm glad you think my advice is good.
However, I think there are somethings you can't easily learn from reading only good fics. Sometimes you have to read the bad ones. How else would you know your idea for a red and black Alicorn OC who falls in love with Luna is cliche, other than reading several fics like that?
4979118
Shortening it wouldn't get rid of the Gary Stu.
What you could do to possibly redeem this fic is:
Make the main character NOT you.
Give the main character weaknesses. Make him bad at some stuff. Perfect characters are unrelatable.
Have "good" characters not like him because of his flaws. Not everyone who dislikes the main character has to be a jerk.
4978357
This is the only chapter where he's going to be unique? Clearly that's not the case, unless we discover that silver blood is actually something that's been known to appear in ponies in the past.
This is the only chapter where he's going to be mysterious and special? Highly unlikely.
This is the only chapter where we're going to hear about his insanely improbable attractiveness to mares? No chance of that, seeing as how it provided the incentive for him to move from the city where he grew up and spent his entire life until now!
Having problems isn't the same as having flaws. Also, it's "Ponyville" -- there's no capital letter in the middle of the word.
4979421 That's an excellent point. A quick glance through one of the "bad fic" archives, of which there are several, might be very helpful.
I didn't quite commit the sin of the black and red alicorn OC self-insert, but my first fic here was a Scootaloo wants to learn to fly fic that actually included the "Scootaloo is a chicken" meme. Considering that I had her raised by chickens a la Mowgli in The Jungle Book, it didn't suck as badly as it might have, but if I'd read more, I would have known how tired that storyline was and how annoyed people were by that meme.
4981018
Wow. You've come a long way as a writer. I'm a fan of your Looking Glass work.
As for me... so far I'm a new writer, and I only have 3 stories, but my first appears to be my best. Maybe it's because I took months planning it and edited a lot, or maybe because there was two people working on it, but so far it has no dislikes.
This fall break, I'm going to go ahead and start this story over from scratch. I'm going to change the name and the personality of my character. He'll now be named Silver Strike as opposed to Silver Hooves. I think the name change is a good start but that's just my opinion. He will also come from someplace else as well. This will probably mean that this story will be either scrapped or kept as a reminder to me and a lesson to others. I just hope that I would do better with the character once I've made the new story. If any of you are wondering why I'm now doing this and not sooner... well, I've been very distracted lately and I'm going to do my best to do good for my character.
You hear me, I'm going to get this right and I would be able to get a better version of my character. Be sure to let me know on your thoughts. Thank you.