Page generated in 0.045 seconds
Total duration
1,028 users online
55,035 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
He is able to resist Rarity? Really? He isnt human!
Heheheheeeee, you guys are going to LOVE the next chapter. Its going to be super LONG with many RARITY moments. That specific chapter will also play a part in a future chapter as well so remember it.
548114 nice chapter dude, one or two missed spellings but other than that epic, cant wait for the next chapter
ooh cliff hanger.....
AJ and Mac have some apologizing to do after snapping at him when he was clearly trying to help, even if they didn't know what CPR is.
Great chapter, sorry to hear about the employment situation. I know how it feels...
Hope to see more from you soon.
Im really looking forward to posting the next few chapters. One chapter alone is going to be 8000 words or more. Its a long played out scene that sets it up for............. well.......... you'll see. HEHE im such a troll at times.
548587 Makes me wonder if only they don't know what it is...
551648
Yea ponies have a hospital, I think they know as a species what CPR is. AJ and Mac need a little medical education, and apparently a crisis situation contingency plan. Running to the nearest house yelling for help then sitting by and watching/crying is not a plan. For shame.
551674they do need one dont they
548114
arg, i dont want rarity to fall in love with charlie, i want CELESTIA too!!! nooooo
So can lift an Ursa Minor but is no match for a barn wall.
welp all I half to say in MANCAVE!!
What a true American Hero
fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/117/e/f/rainbow_dash_salute_by_atomicgreymon-d3bo0dx.png
Lol. Ivory seductress!!!!
Well, looks you got free apples for life!!!
Cliff hanger of death
Wellp that's squashed it for rarity. Twilight however is making her move to be more involved in what Charles does.
I've been waiting for this for 8 chapters, sleep can wait. ONTO THE NEXT CHAPTER
I'd like to see another OC x Celestia. Fuck twilight, rarity, and applejack. Mwhahaha. Lol.
What is he going to do for protein? Either meat or a lot of beans. Like chick-peas.
>>Bronzer
He could always eat eggs. They use eggs for cakes and baked goods, but he can just cook the eggs, so he's all good. :)
3882704 Fuck what the ponies think.
bacontoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/vpq.jpg
...am I right?
4525641 "While I can go totally without meat, it's a staple of my diet and I risk malnutrition since I don't know what to use to replace the parts of it I need."
Yes that's a real problem for vegetarians.
Yay Charles to the rescue !!
3787053 Beans alone would provide the incomplete protein, merely delaying the malnutrition. Beans AND rice is one combination that would provide the complete protein. :)
Omg, Spike is gonna be DEVASTATED by Rarity's- ... Oh, Trenderhoof/Blueblood/Fancy Pants crushes? He seemed to handle them well... Maybe he'll handle this just as well?
And this is where sweetie bell says she has a crush on spike
IF THIS STORY HAD ONE!
Love the story so far
From here on, the cringe factor jumped through the roof. The first struggle and it's anticlimactic. And makes him the hero. It's too much.
Now, I'm going to go out on a limb, and predict that because Charlie-boy saved her sister, Applejack is now in love with him too. And then she, Rarity, and Twilight will have to decide who gets him. But in the end they all decide to try a polygamous relationship. (Please. Prove me wrong.)
I know this is late like WAY fucking late but CPR would not work if her heart stopped, the reason being CPR is used when they person is still alive but if the heart stopped then you'd need some kind of electronic shock to start it again, hints why they use defibrillators before CPR if need be.
You were touching on the 'Gary Stu' archtype as it was by having someone as picky as Rarity fall for him in a week (she's only stupidly shallow around ponies with a reputation). When you start having other established characters inexplicably weaker, stupider, or less skilled than they should be to put your protagonist in the limelight, you've fucked up.
Twilight can lift a water tower full of water at the same time as a bear the size of Sugarcube Corner, while multitasking. Furthermore, Big Mac can drag a house if he wants to. The entire second half of this chapter is self-aggrandizing codswallop. If you awnted to make it halfway believable, you'd:
1) State not that Big Mac isn't strong enough, but rather that he and Applejack are worried about crushing her completely if they just buck the debris off.
2) If Applejack is healed enough to gallop to the nearest house, then I (and many other readers I'm sure) am unable to reconcile the idea that anything between her and Apple Bloom at that point is going to hold up better than tissue paper. See #1.
3) Twilight would have to be absent entirely, because she has shown the ability very early on to lift far more weight than a barn, and do it safely. While multitasking.
4) Group effort between Stereotype and the Apples. Have Mac and Applejack lift the majority of the weight if you must, and him shift smaller debris aside to get her out. Just the CPR after that is 'heroic' enough.
5) Had a bit more time pass, since it can take a long-ass time to suffocate.
As it stands, you have failed to "make this 'Gary Stu' character as far from the reference as possible."
This is the point where I lost the ability to enjoy the story as a story and where I start looking at it as an illustration of your progress as a writer.
EDIT: Looking at your blog posts, it seems you've lost the time to write entirely. Well, I hope when and if you return, you continue to improve.
8275453
I am aware that I played the Gary Stu card early on. This was a mistake, which I have since rectified in later chapters by making him as unique as possible. The only true Gary Stu reference that is still viable is his color and mane. Rarity as my first pick wasn't originally going to be my first pick, she just ended up being there to be honest. I had originally wanted to go with Twilight since her thirst for knowledge and over all creepiness to learn about new creatures or things would have made her more suitable to fall for a sentient creature.
As for the canon characters being weaker, or less smart than they have seemed in the show, there are things that you may not have considered. For instance. Twilight was in a panic, realizing that one of her best friends little sister was dieing right before her eyes. She knew she could pull the entire barn up from atop Applebloom, however, she would be thinking, is there anything sharp that is near her that could scrap against her? what if she dropped the barn on her and crushed her? Among many more things that could have been asked. Twilight is a smart cookie bro. She may have the capability, but her intellect is what kept her from doing something stupid.
As for Big Mac and Applejack. Earth ponies heal fast, adrenaline can temporarily block pain receptors so that beings can accomplish feats that would normally cause them to scream in agony or pain. This is how AJ could gallop, her little sisters life was in jeopardy, so the adrenaline kicked in.
Big Mac or AJ bucking the fallen barn away is not only unrealistic, but stupid to begin with. They could easily kick it away, yes, but that could cause nails to slice the filly to ribbons. Picking it up wasn't possible due to the over all weight of the barn, and the fact that they couldn't grab a location that was needed in order to pull it upright. Pulling on any piece of something like that which has fallen could have resulted it in breaking apart further and crushing the filly. The only real option that could be seen was to have the protagonist use his dexterity, strength, intelligence, and overall knowledge of the structure and how it needed to be lifted away from the filly, be done properly to avoid a gruesome death of an innocent.
Also, have you ever been suffocated? Do you know how long it takes to die from not being able to breathe because something is crushing you to the ground? No? Watch a video of a python killing a mouse or rabbit. Time it. I gave her way more time than needed.
You see, I didn't make the ponies anything like you've stated. Far from it actually. As for Big Mac being able to drag a house. That was magically induced from a love potion. I may not have time to write anymore, or may not be as fully into the series as I was before. But that doesn't mean I've forgotten the episodes I've already watched.
As for not placing this information within the chapter, that is my fault. It was an early chapter and part of my progression as a writer at the time. Since you have failed to continue to read on within the story, or just pick one at random from after chapter 60 or whatever, you have no right to say that my skills probably have not improved.
My Gary Stu character, is as far from the reference as possible, as I've demonstrated in many of the later chapters. If you're unwilling to read them, then you have no basis to write such an unconstructive comment within my story. Without knowledge, one will remain ignorant to a subject/story/etc. Educate yourself before you think you can give a lesson to someone who literally made what you've read.
8276134
Yeah.....I like all the thought you put into that reply.
I'm enjoying your story so far and I can't wait to find out what happens next.
I realy like it so far great job