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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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568655
I have noticed that some of my chapters do seem rushed. I will be going back and fixing them with some lengthened material and possibly adding more dialogue to further the story. This will happen after the complete release of the story though as I will have to input the new stuff so that it will properly fit into the story without disrupting the ending.
568671 I'm okay with that. Will let me read through the story again in one go, I think this one will deserve it after you touch it up.
A forth chapter? May we have it?
568883
To let you guys know so as to not keep you waiting. I am editing chapters as i can and will continue to release them today until i post on here that i am done for the day.
good story, but really, REALLY rushed.
"Oh really? Well if I ever see him, I'm going to buck his head off then shit down his throat. NOONE is going to have you but me!"
gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs1/1599475_o.gif
His reaction...
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/nope_s.gif
More dirty tricks I see, yet again you astound me by your sensitivity to your readers. Lol that guy was going to haul flank if he hadn't been petrified out of fear
1:45? Pssssh I can do longer.
Sorry no clever punch line, next chapter!
568883 dude this is like the 19th chapter
I like how you put those little warnings about the rating and what to expect from that part of the chapter so we can skip if we want especially the Clop parts since that was the reason I usually would keep the Mature thing off so I wouldn't run into any of those when reading.
love the rhyme in the beginning
i hate rhyming authors notes... its too corny
Lol I love the name you give the sex scenes... naughty bits ;P
Yeah, there really isn't anything wrong with the grammar, only some lines or words added in unnecessarily. I would change the part in the story summary about that.
Also, I'd take out the bit at the beginning about being grim. I would hardly call that dark let alone grim.
Hardly grim or even dark. It'd have qualified for that had he walked in on Magnus actually raping her, lost his shit and done much more than just beat him a few times.
4499856
6633384
Maybe he put that in as he wrote the chapter and PLANNED something darker but changed his mind when he reached it? Just a thought.
Magnefic!
Edit 2/28/2022: