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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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YAY, NOW TO JUST GET RID OF THE SHADOW ONCE AND FOR ALL
MOAR! um... please?
the next few chapters are going to really get down and dirty. some of you will cry, others will hate me royally. but that isn't the end of the story. mwahahahaaaa
all right lets do this!!!
Huh, I can't remember if I commented on this story or not already... Oh well. Time for me to do... a review!
Grammar & Spelling:
One thing I've been noticing constantly is that several sentences become fragmented due to misplaced punctuation marks. It seems to be occurring throughout the majority of your chapters, but I see now that you may just not know for sure whether it's happening or not.
(Example- After a few minutes Shadow Hunter stopped. Staring at the town as it spoke.)
Be sure to watch out for this, as well as keeping your capitalization inline. Spelling is pretty solid, but still a few careless mistakes here and there.
(Score- 7/10)
Story:
Meanwhile, you appear to be doing decently with your plot. Even though now I kinda lost that original drive thinking this would be an HiE for more than a few chapters, but then turned into a OC-Alicorn oriented work. But still, it's not bad. I think you adequately portray the Mane Cast as they should be (for the most part), and that's always a plus.
(Score- 7.5/10)
Romance:
Now this bit is interesting. This fic does the 'shacks-with-most-mares' cliche, but at the same time does it well enough not to make me want to slap you. Usually, at least. Though the amount of sexual tension could be diced with a feather, it's at least not 'sexsexsex'.
(Score- 7/10)
Humour:
Again, another subject that waves between the line of 'acceptable'. Alot of the time (for example this arc with Colt-Midnight), is enjoyable and can bring about that occasional chuckle. The other times (sorry, can't recall an exact thing to make an example out of at the moment), it's either stale due to it being done before (not face-palm worthy, but just blank stare worthy) or just neutral on the Chuckle Meter.
(Score- 7/10)
Adventure:
One of your stories more prominent features. The arcs that revolve around this are done pretty well, and usually stays off the beaten path most of the times. Not exactly 'on-the-edge-of-your-seat', but still nice regardless.
(Score- 8/10)
Main Character:
Ah, this section. Large vibes of 'Lady Killer' and 'Gary Stu' come from your protagonist, Midnight Flame. Since he is an Alicorn, the latter is barely semi-acceptable. The first, well... not so much. I understand that being such is a key factor to your story (if your stories name is anything to go by), but seriously: He seems to do things with a great amount of stride. The challenges you write for him aren't immediately done like a God Sue, but still you always know he'll succeed.
Coming from a guy whose main character revolves around being a Gary Stu, I know what it's like to try and level it out. So, I went with the good 'ole classic 'use-fewest-tools-as-a-challenge' character trait. I made him immortal to the sands of Time, but not indestructible to the end of a blade. Not saying your guy is invulnerable, but with his supposed level of power; he could easily reach that.
(Score- 6.5)
Overall Summary: All in all, this is a good fic. Not necessarily great, but not horrible. Just make sure to level out your character some more, keep your grammar in check, and limit your simplicity of the romance and you'll keep doing fine. I'll keep tracking, and my like will still remain same as it has before when the fic first began, but I do hope you will consider what has been said in this unneeded review from me.
(Overall Score- 7.5)
-Dumbgamer99, Novice Concrit of the Organization Under The Bridge.
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Leaving 'Review Mode', I'm highly anticipating what will occur next. Granted, I can probably see where this is going, but the journey is half the fun right? As for the villain, well he's certainly something you'd want to destroy. Suggest you go do that.
749643 my friend I just want to see a epic battle scene and sadness i have read my little dashie and the 7th element both great stories i think im ready
Incoming message..........from "Ponyville Hospital".......Mr Cake is now awake......hunt of author is on hold....await further instructions.
You're safe Furstreak.......for now.
Solution check
Kicking that shadow dudes fucking ass off the planet in progress
Hmm. You know what generates light as well as kills things?
FLAMES! Get midnight some flamethrowas!
BURN ALL THE THINGS!!
3811164 Why not lasers?
4626718
Because lasers don't have EXPLOSIONS! They're nothing more than namby-pamby lights!
6874560
Actually lasers do explode. It's not visible to the naked eye, but when the laser makes contact with something, the particles of light explode out, which is why the point on the wall seems bigger than the beam itself, because the light particles are exploding outward but disperse too quickly to be seen as a true explosion.
Same with flash lights, but cause a flashlight beam cones out anyway, it's impossible to notice. A beam is focused so it disperses much harder so it's noticeable.
So as tongue would say...LASERS ARE F[beep]ING AWESOOOOOOOME WIDDLY WIDDLY WAAAAAAAA!!!!! EXPLOOOOOOOOOSIIIIOOOONNNNSSSSS....and lasers...WOO!!