The story of PonyX is about a pony that grows up to be an outlaw in Equestia. In disagreement with Celestia's methods of protecting the world, from Nightmere Moon, PonyX goes on a quest to break the spell that keeps her locked on the moon. She hopes that she can find a way to cure her, but to do so Nightmere Moon must be freed. Is PonyX on the wrong side of the law? Only time can say. Through all this, PonyX finds she has a strange power that can aid in hiding her from Celestia, so she an travel the world looking for the means to bring Luna back and fulfill Star Swirl's prophecy.
Chapters (2)
HOW MANY MORE WILL THERE BE?! HOW MANY MORE?!
This is just sad. I feel like the author doesn't care at all, only one ounce of "I'll make my story bad on purpose, it's not like I should care."
Oh dear...
Well, to start off, at least you seem to have a decent grasp of technical skills, but you need to break up the wall of text with some more paragraphs.
The actual plot... is frankly, a little overdone. 'Pony OC is half changeling' is not exactly a rarity and is probably the source of most of the downvotes. Also, the power to 'take any power by looking them in the eyes' is a huge sue-alert. I mean, what's to stop her just gazing at ol' Celly and Luna, then becoming pony-dictator of the ages?
The coverart is pretty good, but the design of the OC (those trippy eyes man!) might turn people away. I always question changeling-pony halfbreeds, and I wonder why you don't just make said OC a full changeling anyway.
Changelings are better than ponies, after all.
Emerald Shadow is a massive Mary Sue and will ruin any chance for this story to have a real plot or character development.
4847275 Changelings are better than ponies. Sven, don't you think that it's true?
But changelings will mimic and copy your gimmicks, all of them, except you.
First that damnable Snowflare, now this? Been even more op oc fics lately than usual.
4847336
Snowflare?
4847382
Read em and weep.
36.media.tumblr.com/76b8a3a25085c02e43e6f82f5e1f8524/tumblr_n7z9a7yGg21ss8vwqo4_250.jpg
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m.quickmeme.com/img/9c/9c8b5133593820e28ca22a1d0f9f2c4a7d27e2e96684787b0df393d4e2a38c20.jpg
4847591 That's what I'm afraid of.
4847609 Same to you.
There's a difference between "tail" and "tale". Learn it.
Nice cover art, but definitely work on splitting up your paragraphs first. Readers are not as determined as you are to lug themselves through swamps of text. They're lazy. So, make it easy on them. Cut up your paragraphs. Then we can chat about nerfing your OC. But anyways, nice cover art. Did you make it yourself?
Luna was a murderous bitch, it's canon.
Mary Sue character...check
Tyrantlestia...check
Bad grammar...check
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5228818944/h19074F43/
And BTW, as 4848941 has pointed, Luna tried to kill everybody on Equestria due to a temper tantrum, and it's canon.
Fair enough, seeming most my issues were grammer. I can up grade that, however the story frame and plot stays the same, its merely background story. I like to see the good in even the evil characters such as Luna. There's never a natural change from good to evil then good again. There has to be deeper reasons. The point to the story (and might I add base frame to where the story is ACTUALLY headed) is that there are always two side and a different point of view to every story. The posting of this was still, a work in progress, seeming grammer is not a strong point for me. I will definitely work to improve on that. Again, this is only the back ground story and my larger focus is on where she is headed now. Thank You all for you help. For those who actually have HELPFUL pointers, feel free to private message me.
I just resubmitted it. I'm hoping that fixes the readability. Question, is there anyone out there that is blessed with the gift of grammer?
4847275 Back in the story, she did attempt to take Celestia's power. That's what made Celestia begin to get concerned. It was actually Star Swirl that stopped her. PonyX is limited to the powers she's learn and as being only a half breed she isn't as powerful as a changeling. Also, after reading through some of the comments, I'm starting to wonder if some of them are based on the introduction to the story, rather then the story its self. I'm sure not all, but some. I may repackage this. I'm seeing "Mary-Sue" chanted a lot and that's not were I'm headed with this story. Part of this, I'm guessing, is, because she's a filly in the first part of the story. PonyX is actually very dark herself, but is still pulled in two directions. I'd rather think of her as an Anti-Hero. This is a story that follows a villain, not demonizes a good guy, such as Celestia.
4848941 One more thing to add. I actually quoted this entire scene and fit this into the story. This is a prime clue that people didn't actually READ the story.
4848337 Thank you.. Yes I created the cover art. It's not my final cover art though. Its actually just one of my graphics I used as a filler for now. My writing and art is all stil in the works. Mostly, I'm posting it, not for any sort of fame, but to improve it.
4850494 Fame comes with good writing. I'm sure you'll get there! What program did you use to create that picture? Or is it just an edited graphic of something else? I'm mainly practicing Autodesk Sketchbook Pro on my iPad and Photoshop on my PC.
4852167 I created it in Gimp which is the cheap version of Photoshop. I was inspired by this:
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/005/0/7/mlp___two_sides_of_rarity_by_tehjadeh-d4ht8kb.jpg
http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/005/1/b/mlp___two_sides_of_rainbow_dash_by_tehjadeh-d4ht5xz.jpg
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m44emkHb1X1qincmao1_500.jpg
(I think you'll have to copy and paste the links to see them, in your search engine. I'm new to this so I'm still exploring the details on how things work)
4854806 If you look to the right of the color wheel, the first icon in the second group, the one that looks like a chain, that button is the hyperlink tool. It will help you a lot.
Paste the link into the top and the text you want to be displayed on the bottom.
LIKE THIS!
4850273
Legend is still spelled wrong. You still have "banishmented" in your profile description. You still have a copyright on your story, which I'm fairly certain you can't do legally.
4868003 Thank you. I will fix all that. Contact me later, if you would like to continue to be some help to me in keeping my grammar and spelling in check. I'm continuing with this story.
I need a editor for chapter two. I'm still new to this site, if anyone is interested, please, so I'm unsure how to go about it. Please bare with me. I'm fixing mistakes, as I find them.
I'm thinking of revising the first part of the story or changing it to a back flash. I feel like you get the wrong impression of PonyX, from part one. Basically, there's not enough "lead ins" to understand were the plot is headed and too much background story. Part one is primarily about her life growing up and part two is the actually beginning to the storyline. Tell me what you think?
You do realise you need special permission to copyright something, right?
HOLY SHIT this sucks ass