Pinkie decides one day to make a cherrychonga, but being out of tortilla and most of the ingredients she settles on making a cherry sandwich with a special sauce that the Doctor has down at the Bureau.
===
I had nothing to do with this even thought I wrote it... enjoy. Oh and Wasteland Gunner did the cover art again.
===
It also might help if you read The Conversion Bureau: The Land Downunder.
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you're all nuts.
447372 Yes... I believe its all the sun and sea water I ingest every weekend when I go sailing
Hey, don't lump me with Him, I've just got a bad habit of speaking up every time I have a funny thought...
447376 And if I like, I it take it and make a fic out of it... that and I felt like writing something that wasn't dark or adventure.
*le sigh* Pinkie, this is why you ask what something is before assuming it's safe to feed to other people
I sort of want to see what happens in between that 10 year gap.
448143 could happen.
448208
*Devious face*
Need any shipping?
"bleeding from his haunches"
you
are
evil
God damnit pinkie pie......
Pinkie's face:
Well you're missing an r in the title, so I can already tell this is going to turn out great.
>She stuck her head in the cupboard in search of one ingredient, the ingredient in general was a small red ball with a green stem.
“Where are they?” she questioned, the empty cupboard which contained everything but the special ingredient.
If this cupboard has things in it Pinkie, it's not empty. That's why it's called 'empty.'
>“Pinkie, what are you looking for?” asked Green Salad, who was tossing a salad with his magic.
Who the fuck is this guy? Is he a friend? Some random guy? What the hell?
Also, Green Salad. You're fucking me, right?
>“The cherries silly filly. You know for my cherrychonga.” she replied, happily bounding around the kitchen looking through another cupboard.
“Pinkie I’m not a filly and check that cupboard over there since that is where most of the fruit is.” he said pointing to a cupboard marked with fruit in Equestrian.
Pinkie, you're a dumbass.
> “Okie dokie loki!” she said, bouncing over and rummaging her pink cotton candy head and mane knocking over piles of apples, bananas and oranges, “No, there aren’t any cherries in here.”
“Strange... well maybe the doctor took them since I have seen him eating a small pile of them in his office.”
What. So the doctor just rummaged through their cupboard (In a house I don't know where the hell it is since you haven't provided any background yet) and took a bunch of cherries for no reason. That makes sense!
>“Well I guess I’ll head over there and ask him for some.” she said, bouncing out of the kitchen and out of the lunchroom past a blood stained boy sitting in a chair filling out one of the forms.
... Well that was random. I'd complain about their being no explanation about who the fuck this kid is, but I'm not sure I want to know actually.
So Pinkie arrives at the Doctor's office, and...
>Nothing, so being Pinkie she began to investigate the room looking through the doctors drawers, cupboards and his desk. She came upon a small cupboard set amidst some bottles of grape soda the doctor had, but at the very back she could see a red glowing bottle. So she grabbed it ever so carefully making sure not to disturb the other bottle and trotted back to the kitchen.
You know, despite the Conversion Bureau universe being about how ponies are morally superior to humans to an idiotic extent, so far we've had all the ponies be either a) Thieves or b) Guys we know fuck all about.
>“I’mh bamhk!” she said, struggling to keep the bottle in her mouth as she trotted back to here sandwiches.
I only wish Schwarzenegger was involved in this, so I could actually care about what was going on.
>“Thats good, but who are all those sandwiches for?” asked Green, who was getting ready for the lunchroom rush of ten people and six ponies.
Lunch rush? So they're in Sugar Cube Corner I assume? If that's the case, WHO THE HELL IS THIS GREEN GUY!? MY MIND.
But wait, if this is Sugar Cube corner, that means they're in Equestria. And you said humans were in the group. And humans can't go into Equestria I thought.
... Once again, MY MIND.
> “You, Doctor Spaceman, those newfoals and soon to be newfoal, that strange newcomer and Bruce.” she said, spreading a thick layer of the cherry sauce over the bread with a butter knife.
Bruce Willis? Please God let it be Bruce Willis.
Also, I know newfoals is the TCB word for new ponies; but it still sounds stupid as fuck.
>“What strange newcomer?”
Oh sure, focus on the one guy who's not Bruce Willis. Dick.
>“Yeah there was a boy in the entrance filling out one of the forms, but he must of been in a battle or something since he is bleeding from his haunches.”
...
...
...
2.bp.blogspot.com/-h31VDF5BuFs/TiGu0ElKi-I/AAAAAAAACOE/gae9plCiwRo/s1600/Tangled+Maximus.jpg
Moving on from that idiocy.
>“I think their called shoulders Pinkie and I hope he is okay.”
Well so far Green's the most likeable character, if only because he's the only person that's coming close to showing any.
>"He looked fine that and the doctor must of fixed him up since he didn’t look like that he was pain.”
Oh yeah, he surely must've been fine, he was just bleeding like a healthy person does. Dumbass.
> “Well okay, so I guess you found the cherries then?” he asked, while trotting over to the cupboard that had fruit scattered all inside of it, “Did you do this?”
... So we're just going to ignore the possibly dying man for some stupid cherries. What excellent priorities you two have.
> “Yes and yes again but it’s I think its a sauce though because it was in a jar.” she said eagerly nodding her head finishing putting the slice of bread on the last sandwich, “Here’s your!”
Dumbass Pinkie strikes again. Also, here's your? I think you're missing an 's' there.
>“Thank you Pinkie but I might have to eat it later because I have customers.” he said, levitating the sandwich next to him and talking to the small group of newfoals and the two humans accompanying them,
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.
Seriously, so far I'm not understanding what I'm supposed to feel here. Is this supposed to be funny so far? Because it's not funny, at all. Is it build-up? To what? And if so, it's incredibly boring either way.
And none of this still makes any sense because I have no idea what the fuck is going on or where the fuck these people are.
>“So gentlecolts what will it be...?” he said before being cut off by the hyper-cotton candy colored pony.
“There you sillies are,” she said bouncing over to them with the tray of sandwiches on her back, “I made you Pinkie Pie's Cherry Spectacular Sandwich!”
What I learned today is that Pinkie is a terrible waitress.
>“Thanks Pinkie but what’s the occasion for?” said, the chrome colored pegasus.
Nice that that's the only description at all we've gotten for these other guys. Really shows the detail in the story.
>“I just felt today was a good day for PPCSS and you get one too!” she said pushing a sandwich in the stunned boy’s face.
Yep, that won't terrify the kid out of conversion or anything. Though I'd actually like for that to happen, so I'm not displeased.
>“Okay thanks Pinkie.” he said, hesitantly taking it. They continued to order their salads as Pinkie continued out again in search for Bruce and the Doctor.
He? The boy? The pegasus? Who? There's so little info in this story, so little description, that I'm baffled just trying to make out the dialogue.
But holy fuck, if there's a chance we get to see Bruce Willis, that's fine with me. I can even stand seeing an over-used fan character like the Doctor at that possibility.
>She happily bounced to the security room humming an upbeat tune that was insync of her bounces.
In sync has a space between it. And security room? Is she still in the same building? Was she even in a building before? Explain author, explain!
> “Brucie-wucie I have a sandwich for you-cie!” She happily called out, bouncing into his room with the sandwich on her head.
Ow. That rhyme physically hurt me.
>“A sanga! Thanks Pinkie you’re the best.” he said, grabbing the sandwich of her head and devouring it whole.
"You’re welcome! See you around.” She said, bouncing out to find the Doctor but she also heard a thud coming from Bruce’s office, but she paid no attention to it.
Since once again you haven't bothered to provide any actual description, I'll just assume this guys Bruce Willis in one of his down times.
> “Doctor Spaceman! Come in Doctor Spaceman, this is the Pinkie. Over, shsksc.” She said, imitating an astronaut technician with the last sandwich on her pink mane.
You know, there's a point when writing comedic dialogue where you go past funny and head straight into annoying. This has nuked that line into oblivion.
>“Ah Pinkie! I thought that would be you, so what do you have here for me?” he asked, picking up the sandwich from her mane.
... He's not going to eat something that was in her hair, is he?
>“Pinkie Pie's Cherry Spectacular Sandwich silly filly!” she giggled.
OF COURSE.
> “Pinkie I am a human male not a filly... and I am not that silly.”
Well I don't know whether to believe you or not, since once again I have no idea who the fuck you are or what you even look like.
>“Well you are silly sometimes Doctor Spaceman.”
“That I am but that’s why we’re the bestest of friends Pinkie, now I have some stuff to clean up here so why don’t you trot along now?” he said, ruffling her mane.
Yes, I can totally tell how you' best friends by the way she bothers you incessantly, and gives you food with her hair in it. Good thing you, the author, just told us this, instead of actually showing us through actions.
> “Okie dokie lokie!” she said the final time before she left the room where she heard another thud.
“Strange... there must be some rats in the ceiling... oh well!” she said trotting back to the lunchroom humming, only to be met with several new mares and a very confused and angry Star Dancer.
Everybody's dead Pinkie.
>-20 minutes earlier-
-Alex’s PoV-
Alex? Who the fuck is- Oh fuck it, I don't even care anymore.
>“So you say that there were three of them and you took them out with that busted L96?” asked Jude, was eyeing the sandwich.
JUDE!? WHO'S- Arghhhhhhhhhh.
>“Well it was two of them and that rifle has gotten me through thick and thin.” I said, taking a large lettuce leaf and eating it slowly enjoying the fresh and crisp flavor.
Sudden unnecessary shift into first person mode, activate!
>“So is that when you got shot?” Asked Martin, eating the sandwich whole before looking drowsy.
He's high, isn't he?
>“So how does the whole conversion work?” I asked, while devouring the sandwich.
Well it takes away your personality, basically mind rapes you into liking it, forces you into an entirely new body-
I'll stop myself before I get into a rant, as a favor to yourself.
> “Oh you just goooooo...” said Louis, as the world slowed around me to a holt.
Yep, they're all high.
Also, to a holt? You either live in Michigan, or you fucked up the spelling; again.
>“The buck...? What’s in this sandwiiiii...” Was all I was able to say, as the cherry flavor overpowered my senses. It wasn’t even a nice taste of cherry but the bad synthetic one that the nanomachines made, the world also began to grow dark around me and panic filled my system, but it was too late since everything went black.
Nanomachines?
Oh wait, that's right, TCB has goddamned nanomachines... for some reason. Ignoring that... just plain weirdness, let's move on.
>Blackness is all I saw, it engulfed me like the ocean that my country was surrounded in. I looked for any landmark but saw none... I was alone in an endless void.
'Ocean your country was surrounded in?' That would be 'by' not in.
>“Hello!” I called out, only for my voice was changing along with the world around me. It began to take shape, large marble columns began to rise along with its marble and granite floor with a large red carpet down the middle leading to two thrones. There were stained glass windows depicting a history... a history of ponies but one in particular mystified me. It had six different coloured ponies but there were two of each race but they were all working in harmony to defeat an evil demon that threatened the land.
This is some serious Kingdom Hearts shit right here.
>“I see one of my little ponies is admiring the artwork,” said a, regal sounding mare.
Wait, isn't this guy still a human? Oh fuck it, it's not like you or I care.
>I turned around only to see the regent of the sun, “Princess Celestia!” I said, bowing before her.
Kiss ass.
>“Rise my little pony. No need to be formal.” She said, steadying me to my new hooves.
Oh, so he is a pony now. Glad that was said here, instead of earlier, where it would fit.
> “Well this is strange, but I just got to the bureau today. I thought that most conversions happened on the third day or something.” I asked, as my voice began to become more different than my own each time I spoke.
The implications of this are terrifying, as usual for TCB.
>“Well maybe you were a special mare who got to be lucky first, but it’s now time to start your new life.”
Wait, wasn't this Alex? Like, what's usually a boy's name. Or maybe it's a girl. ONCE AGAIN, not. Enough. Info.
>“Thank you Princess.” I said, the last time as the world around me began to fade away.
Please tell me he died, please please please.
>“I think she is breathing!” Caramels voice called out, over me.
Dammit.
>“Where is that doctor!? We need a cart stat!” Yelled somepony else, not wanting to cause a panic I opened my eyes.
No dammit, let he/she die already!
> “Urrrggg... What happened, last thing I remember I was talking to Princess Celestia,” I said in a high pitched voice that was reminiscent of a females voice.
So... what? He's a girl now? It changed his gender too? Terrifying.
>“Eeep!” I said, before accidentally punching myself in the face with my new hooves, “Owww.”
That's probably the closest I'm coming to laughing at this, so good job there, I guess.
>“Honey, now don’t be alarmed but you’re a pony now.” said, a pink unicorn.
NO SHIT DUMBASS.
> “I thought that’s what happened when you went to a bureau,” I said steadily getting up on my hooves slowly, “Except isn’t there a waiting period?”
Thankfully, the power of bullshit ended the wait.
> “There was until somepony accidentally got into the extra serum cabinet and got her hooves on the R63 batch.” she said, shooting a glance at the pink pony, whose pink bouncy mane was deflated.
R63 Batch. img.ponibooru.org/_images/fff2b0568ead13b65401297bf80f20d4/107651%20-%20artist%3Amecharobosheep%20Fuck_Everything%20g1%20meme%20Nothing_can_stop_this%20smooze.png
> “I’m sorry Star Dancer but I thought it was a cherry sauce.” Pinkie said, on the verge of tears. So I slowly but steadily trotted up to her and hugged her.
Star Dancer? Well it's great she didn't get to even to choose her own name, bastards.
>“Its not a problem Pinkie, I was going to be a pony anyway, you just sped up the process but a day or two.” I said, after breaking the hug.
Well that emotional moment lasted for fuck all time.
> “So you’re alright with being a mare?” she said, before my blood turned to ice.
Oh fuck.
>“I’m a what...”
“A mare silly filly.”
Dumbasses.
>“But... Oh sweet Celestia she was right... I am a mare” I said, as I brought my hooves up to my face. They were of a pale navy blue and I could see a bit of my mane in my face which had a fluro blue highlights and a rose colored mane. I turned around to see that my tail matched my mane.
Well, at least you described how she looked finally. Which is something I guess.
> “Yes and a pretty unicorn too!” she said, poking my horn which sent a shiver through out my body.
i.imgur.com/PCz6n.png
> “A unicorn... sweet, so does that mean that I can use magic!” I asked eagerly.
Of course. Dumbass.
>“Soon but not now hun’ since you got to go to orientation but don’t worry I’m sure you’ll make a lovely mare.” said Caramel, nuzzling me.
i.imgur.com/qn4mN.png
> “Thanks. So could anypony help me trot over there?” I asked, as my legs began to wobble.
God you suck as a character.
>“Ooohhh! I can help! And I can also give the speech too! Heheheheh this is going to be so fun!” Pinkie said as she helped me to keep my balance on my four new appendages.
If by fun, you mean 'tooth pulling pain', than yes.
> “So Pinkie what do I really look like?” I asked curiously.
Resisting urge to say 'dumbass.'
>“Well you’re a pretty unicorn mare,” She said, it made me blush and feel all warm inside, “You have a pale blue coat, rose mane and tail with a bright blue highlight. Ooohhh I have a pink bow that will go great with your mane, your going to love it.”
WOW THIS DIALOGUE IS POINTLESS AND UNNEEDED. Seriously, it's like you're trying to kill me with boredom.
> “Okay its just in my room, come on I’ll put it on you!” She said, as we went to her room.
‘Well Celestia said this is my new life, well it’s going to be interesting, and whats the worst that could happen?’ I thought to myself as we entered her room where she placed a pink bow to the back of my mane.
Of course that's all that happened.
>-Ten years later-
Well, good thing we won't be getting actual important dialogue. Or conflict. Nope, skipping right ahead all of that.
I gotta admire your dedication to making this as boring as possible.
> “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE WAS A POTION TO CHANGE ME INTO A STALLION!” I screamed, at Twilight.
Everypony is superdicks.
>“Rose Aura, just please calm down.” Twilight said, as she dodged a vase I threw at her with my magic.
What. I thought her name was Sky Dan- FUCK IT. FUCK. EVERYTHING.
> “You should've told me!” I screamed, at her as my magic began to build up causing magical discharges to object around the house that caused them to levitate.
Oh my god, is actual conflict happening? YES, FINALLY!
> “Rose, for the ten years that I have been your neighbor you have loved it. You have a loving family and a beautiful foal that is top of his class. You’re also a very good spell caster only rivaled by me. Rose your life has been full of adventure and you know deep on your heart that you didn’t care if you were a mare or a stallion, you just wanted to get away from Australia.” She said, comforting me and bring me back to reality.
"Who cares that I and everypony else lied to you, practically manipulated you, and left you emotionally devastated by this? It was for your own good, stupid human!"
Fuck. Everything.
>“Well... you are right and Dawn is one of the cuties colt I have ever saw and... yeah your right... Sometime I am a silly filly like Pinkie says.” I said giggling, while sitting on my haunches being hugged by Twilight, “Thanks for telling me. I wonder what would my life would be like if I was a stallion.”
:l
:l
:l
:l
:l
SO THAT'S IT. NO CONFLICT. NO ACTUAL FIGHT, WHETHER EMOTIONAL OR PHYSICAL. THAT'S IT.
> “I could only imagine Rose. I could only imagine.”
"If this story was good."
>-The End-
Thank God.
>Authors Notes: Well the moral of the story is don’t let Pinkie near the R63 Marification Potion. But this was a nice one off to write. Thanks to Aegis over in the IRC chat for the idea of it being Pinkie doing it, Wasteland Gunner for the cover art and all the prereaders in the IRC chat. Bunnana away.
-Bunnana King
This was awful. There was no conflict. Despite being labelled as comedy, not a single joke was made. Not even an attempt. The closest thing was when her hooves hit her face, but that hardly counted. And there's next to no commas when there should be.
I could go on, but this was truly bad. It's written poorly, doesn't have a focus, and has next to no actual content. Half the shit in this wasn't mentioned again, serving only to be Big Lipped Alligator Moments. And it's dubious morals, already a given being a TCB story, are awful with how rushed the end was. To summarize, very bad.
448213 I ship on Wednesday and Friday.
448481 Tell me something I don't know.
449108 So your telling me about grammar that I don't care about anyhow but thanks for the feedback. Oh and here is a .gif to show you.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/204/708/fluttershyandfucks.gif
450119
So you're saying that you both don't give a shit about actually putting quality and effort into your work, and will ignore any sort of criticism at all and parry it with shitty gifs.
What a class act you are.
450192 The one who writes for fun.
450200
Write a decent story and I just might believe that.
450246 I'm sorry but does it look like I care?
450253
For writing anything good? No, and neither do I care, since this whole argument will lead to nothing. I was vaguely amused when some random guy downvoted all my stories at once when I left that review, but this is pointless arguing now.
Truce with mutual contempt and avoidance for the other then?
450300 Well I can tell you I don't downvote stuff just because of a comment and yes it is pointless arguing about how you hate everything that is TCB related but I really don't care.
And that truce is not even good enough to be toilet paper.
450309
Oh I'm not saying it's you, you don't seem that petty. And I wasn't really arguing about TCB in general, I said that earlier, I was arguing more the overall quality of the story, but whatever, it's semantics by this point.
Depends on what kind of toiler paper you use.
450321 You know I have lost interest in the petty quarrel about me not caring about grammar or you comment a long time ago oh and its one ply.
Oh dear God.....
Just because of the epic randomness, you can has mustaches
450517 Fuck your mustaches. I have a beard.
450341
You're assuming I care as well. But fuck it, good day to you then.
451102
except you DID care at the time, I believe you are an Axel13, if you don't know him, look up Dot Dot Dot on youtube
good day to you too
wait so did that mean all the new foals got that formula?
657140 anyone who ate the sandwich that was a human then yes.
Ooh, the doctor is going to be pissed that you stole his radioactive cherries. Do you have any idea how much those things cost?
Sounds like an ordinary Tuesday for me.
Come on, you were planning to change your body anyway. What's wrong with a little extra change?
It's really your own fault for not asking. You should have figured one would exist.