Thanks to Golden Heart and Pinkamena's efforts, Sombra is reverted back to normal. But can he and his love, Autumn Gem be accepted by the kingdom who fears the once corrupted king?
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 13th Oct, 2013
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
JusSonic
Hey folks. JusSonic here, finally sending fics here. While I was worried about coming here for some time now, I decided to give this place a shot...as long as you be fair, 'kay?
JusSonic
Joined 13th Oct, 2013 ·
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hmm nice little short story and hope to see sombra help out in the future later...so yay
You still need to fix the descriptions after the characters' dialogues. Seriously, a lot of it didn't make sense.
Example:
You can just shortened it to:
4696368 Or it can be worded like so:
4699917 Yeah, like that. Jussonic also messes up the tenses so a lot of people tend to get confused when reading his stories.
Jus, a piece of advice, present tense isn't a good way to write your stories. Use past tense, it's much easier.
(EDIT) For the ones who downvoted me, you guys obviously didn't want Jussonic to improve in any way. Even if it's you, Jus who downvoted me, you won't learn anything by hating a post that was meant to help you.
4702158 Also, there's a handy writing guide at the top of one's userpage. Jus, there's literally no excuse to take a minute or two of your time to read said guide. What happened to "I promise to listen to what reviewers have to say" and "I promise to accept criticism"? What happened to getting help from editors? We're only trying to help you improve.
4704552
I am listening and accepting criticism. I didn't say anything about reading some writing guide. As far as the editor's thing goes, I already send out a chapter for some to improvise but I haven't heard back from yet.
4702158
I don't mess up my tenses all the time. At least I tried my best to make my stories enjoyable.
4704795
You're actually very inconsistent with your tenses. If it happened a handful of times, then it's really no problem, you can go back and fix them at your own leisure. Unfortunately, that is not the case as you mix up your tenses a lot, and it becomes very distracting. Past Tense, as the guide that SpiritTrax85 so helpfully linked to says, is the most commonly used tense, but Present Tense can be used as well. It's a matter of what works for the story you want to tell. Pick a tense and stick with it.
4704795 The writing guide helps you for a bit, even if you didn't read it to the bottom of the page. Seriously, go read it sometimes. It might give you some highlights on improving your stories.
Don't count on the editor to help you either. If s/he didn't respond to you for a long time that means you've been tricked/ trolled or the editor have other things to do/too busy to help you. Honestly, I learned my writing mistakes from my editor, Rethkir. He's a good guy and he's been giving me advices and points out the mistakes I had done on my fic.
When your editor do respond and points out the flaws on your story, listen to him/her. S/He might be able to help you to improve so people won't hate your stories because of silly grammar/tense mistakes.
I'm afraid they all have a point. Even I know when to admit defeat. The tenses need to be more past tense…as though it already happened, not as though it is…happening, in the case of the present tense.
4704795
I am listening and accepting criticism. "
No, you're not. Don't you dare lie about that!
4696368
That's not him half the time. It's Vision-King. A power egotist who thinks his writing is God.