Jumper

by Closer-To-The-Sun

Jumper

It’s really high up here. Twenty stories up above the street surface. It’s now that my acrophobia begins to set in, and who can blame me? I’m standing on my hind hooves on the small ledge of a building. Sure, my back is up against the building right now, but my intent is to trot right off the edge, ending it all.

That was the plan anyway. My hesitation allowed for some concerned ponies on the street to take notice and alert the Manehatten Police Department. Now below me, there is a mob of individuals, some wishing to see me safely on the ground and others wanting to see what might happen. I’m sure there are even a few egging me on to jump, to see if this earth pony can fly.

I hear a voice from the megaphone. The crosswind makes it hard to hear, but I can hear it, “Please stay where you are and do not jump.”

“If only it were that simple,” I mumbled a reply to myself as my eyes looked at the police officers move about the street below. From here, everypony looks like ants upon a checkered picnic blanket.

I raised my eyes up and looked at the building across from me. It’s shorter than the building I’m on, but from my position, I can see a few ponies staring at me from their windows and balconies. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, being watched. I wanted this to end on my terms. I guess I don’t get that one wish.

Avoiding eye contact, I look over the roof of the building across from me. I see a few clouds in the sky and see a few pegasus ponies fly by. I think that direction is southwest, but what do I know?

The megaphone voice came back, “Please do not jump, there is so much to live for.” His voice wasn’t exactly soothing or reassuring, but hey, not like I could do a better job at talking myself down.

With a deep breath, I prep myself to end it. I look down one last time, envisioning where my body would land. With the path in my mind, I prep myself by closing my eyes. “Heh,” I give a half-hearted chuckle at myself, “I never thought I’d die alone.”

“Alone? Silly pony, you’re not alone all the way up here!” a very bright and bubbly voice spoke to me.

The shock alone caused me to open up my eyes and lean back to the safety of the building’s wall. I turned quickly to the source of the voice to see a pink-coated pony with a frazzled pink mane on the same fire escape I used to get to where I was. On the mare’s face was the biggest, brightest smile I had ever seen in my entire life.

Panting heavily, I stared at her, “Wh-What are you doing here? Are you a cop? Get away from me!”

“Nope! Not a cop!” her voice hadn’t lost its cheerfulness, “I’m a baker! Well, I’m an assistant baker slash party planner slash cashier slash fun seeker! And I’m sure there’s more things that I am if I think about it more!”

Her statement was confusing as her mane and tail were puffy. “Well, whatever you are, don’t try and anything. I’m going to do it….I’m going to kill myself,” even though I said it, I had trouble believing it myself.

Despite what I just said, her smile persisted, “Okey dokey lokey!” With that line, she started to climb into the window via the fire escape.

“Wh-What….wait! Come back!”

Her head popped through the window, “Hello!”

Still leaning up against the wall, my breathing was starting to return to normal, “Just what are you doing up here?”

She trotted up to the edge of the fire escape and looked down at the crowd below us, “Well, I was trotting along the streets of Manehatten and I saw this huge crowd,” she pointed down with her hoof, “that one right there! I was wondering what was going on, so I asked around and the police ponies told me that there was somepony up here, about to jump. Then I came right up here to ask you what you were doing. You see, I like to get both sides of a story about stuff!”

Her statement seemed completely idiotic. Was she treating this like it was some sort of game?

“Well, they’re right down there, I’m gonna jump! Just end it all!”

The smile on her face finally disappeared, “Now, why would you do that?”

Gritting my teeth, I replied, “Because….I’m too depressed to go on. My life is a mess and….this just seems the best option for me.”

It was at this moment when she stared at me that I noticed her eyes were a light shade of blue, almost like the sky. They showed concern. “But that can’t be the best answer. There are many other answers you can choose from.”

“Yeah….well, you don’t know me,” I looked elsewhere, away from the pink pony.

I heard some movement. When I turned, I saw that the mare had left the safety of the fire escape and moved out onto the same ledge where I was. She took a seat on the edge and offered me a seat, “Well, why don’t we talk and you tell me about yourself?” A small, warm smile was on her face.

Even though it was very inviting, I refused to move.

Her expression didn’t change. Instead, she turned to look outward at the sky in front of her, “I see why you chose this place. It’s beautiful up here.” She took a deep breath through her nostrils and exhaled loudly.

I looked in the same direction as her. It was a beautiful view. The few buildings rising up in the distance, the Henson River, and Jockey just on the other side of the river. It was quite a sight to behold.

The mare turned back to me and spoke again, “Sit down, it’s just a talk.”

I accepted the offer this time. In silence, I shuffled around carefully as to not push my acrophobia further and sat down on the ledge next to her. Keeping hold of the sturdy platform, I looked at my bright green hind hooves dangling off the edge.

“So, tell me about yourself,” she insisted as her head turned toward me.

“Well, I’m a screw up for one,” I started, “Can’t do a single job right. I’ve been in this city barely two and a half years and I’ve managed to mess up every single job I had. A medical assistant, a grocer, a chauffer, a janitor, a fast food worker, all of them ending in failure.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something that you’ll be great at, I know it,” she spoke with a reassuring smile.

“Then what is it? I’ve had this feather cutie mark since I can remember, but I have no idea what I could mean.” I showed the black feather cutie mark, “And right now, jumping off this building might be the only thing it could be good for; see if this earth pony can fly.”

“Nonsense!” she placed a hoof on my head and ruffled up my neat black mane, “You’ll find what you’re meant to do! It took me a long time for me to find out that I’m really really good at throwing parties! Just give it some time!”

Her bubbly demeanor didn’t reflect off on me, “What’s the point? Right now, I’m at the bottom. Lowest of the low.”

“That’s great!”

I wasn’t expecting to hear such words and energy of my self-loathing. I turned to look at her, “What? How is that good?”

The pink pony exclaimed, “You say that you’re feeling like you’re on the bottom right?”

I answered cautiously, “Well….yeah, but-“

I was promptly interrupted, “Then that means this is the best day for you ever!”

“I still don’t follow.”

“Today is great because you are feeling at your lowest, you can only look up!”

The puzzle that this mare was giving me was hard to piece together, “So you’re saying I should be happy that I’m at my lowest?”

She nodded at a quick speed, causing her mane to bounce, “Yup! Because it’s when somepony is at their lowest they realize how much they really have and how much they have to look forward to!”

“It’s great….because it can’t get any worse?”

“Now you’re getting it!”

It sounded ridiculous, that today was the greatest day in my life because my life couldn’t get worse. But the more I thought about it, this crazy pink pony was right. I wouldn’t admit it though. “You know how stupid and silly that sounds?”

“Nothing wrong being a little stupid and a lotta silly!” she happily mused.

I scoffed, “If you really knew me and about my life, you’d see you can’t just be silly.”

With optimistic eyes, she spoke, “Then why don’t you tell me?”

I gave in and started to talk, “My life has been full of….a lot of mistakes. I’ve lied and cheated to try and get further, only to end up worse than before. I’ve hurt ponies that were closest to me, and I just hate myself for that. Why did I do all of that? I couldn’t give you an answer that would satisfy me. Celestia knows just exactly how messed up I’ve been.” Taking a pause, I turned to see that the weird pink pony was paying close attention to my words. With a sigh, I resumed, “I’ve seen fire and rain and everything in between. I’ve had days where I felt I wouldn’t make it to see the next. I’m only pretty sure that I can’t take anymore of this. I just want it all to end and get it over with.”

The mare turned her head back to the sky, “But that can’t be the best option for you. There has to be a better way that will work for the best.”

“Let me guess, because you know best, huh?”

“No, I don’t,” she admitted. Whipping her head back to me, her mouth had a small smile, “But the hope of a brighter tomorrow keeps me going through my dark and cloudy days.”

With her mentioning clouds, I looked up at the sky. A few white clouds dotted the sky above Manehatten. They looked like fluffy cotton candy being pushed by the gentlest breeze.

Her voice brought me back to the conversation we were having, “We all have bad days.”

It took me a moment to reply, “Some more than others.”

A deafening silence fell between us after I spoke that line. She looked elsewhere, so I did the same. My sight went straight down to the crowd below. It had grown, encompassing the entire street and causing traffic to be diverted around the area below. The ponies below seemed to stare right back up at me. While I couldn’t gaze into their eyes, their piercing glare was making me unsteady.

I began to shuffle slightly from my position, “I think I’ll go on ahead and fall. If I survive, then maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Don’t say that,” she meekly pleaded as she turned.

“You know, from here, the ground looks soft,” I commented, as I was about to shove off the edge.

“Stop. I wish that you would take a step back from the ledge.” She placed a hoof on me, “I might not know everything that you’ve experienced; bad, good, and all in between. But you can cut those ties to the bad and focus on the good. I know it’s not easy, we all have our own demons, but you can start by putting the past away.”

Those words hit me, hard. What was I supposed to say in response to something like that? Tell this strange pink pony that I didn’t have anything good to look back on? I tried to speak, but my mouth wouldn’t let me for an unknown reason.

She continued, “Just because life is hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth living.”

I was still silent. Not by choice, but by the fact I knew her words were true.

“Just please step down from here. That’s all I ask. And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.” With that, her pleading ended. She carefully stood up on the small ledge and turned to head toward the fire escape.

“Wait….” I struggled to speak that one word.

She turned to face me, that’s what I believe anyway since I was still staring straight down at the street below. Patiently, she waited.

Gathering the strength and pushing myself to speak in a calm manner, I spoke, “Please….don’t leave me up here….”

She sat right back down on the ledge next to me. I felt a hoof on my back, lightly rubbing as if reassuring me that she’ll be there as long as she is needed.

Still struggling to speak with a normal demeanor, I asked a question that continued to puzzle me, “Why are you even here, helping me?”

“Because I refuse to let anypony hurt themselves. I refuse to leave anypony high and dry,” the words were spoken with strength and conviction, “I might not know how to help you, but I will do everything I can.”

“But you don’t even know my name!” My voice slightly cracked as I spoke. Swallowing in hopes to regain my normal tone, I continued, “Even those who I hold near and dear to me seem to not care or listen to me. I hardly believe that anypony can hear my cries for help.”

“Then I pray to Celestia that she hears you.”

At her words, I broke down. The tears I was struggling to fight back began to roll down. I did everything I could to push them back, but to no avail. Tears started to stream down my face. I tried quickly to wipe them away, but I only managed spread the tears across my cheek. “Sorry, guess it just hurts.”

I heard the warm smile that she made in her voice, “We all hurt, and it’s okay to cry. Crying makes us strong.”

For a few moments, I couldn’t help but weep. It would normally anger me that I’d be so candid with my emotions in front of anypony, let alone a pony that I had just met right before my planned suicide attempt. Yet for some reason, I had no problem crying, letting all of my emotions out in front of her. She didn’t seem to mind in the least. I felt her wrap her hooves around me to give a comforting hug.

After crying for what seemed at least ten minutes, I broke the hug she had on me and asked her something, “How do you do it? How do you get through the hardest times?”

“Even when it’s the darkest night you’ve ever seen, you gotta smile, and smile like you mean it.” Her words were confident, sounding as if she had proven it time and time again.

I wiped away the tears off of my face before I replied, “Smile, huh? Something just that simple?” I couldn’t help but give a small chuckle.

There was a bit of momentarily silence between us before the mare spoke again, “I have a librarian friend who once told me that our lives are like stories. I took that to mean that we should take our lives and make them the best stories ever. So what if the past held better days? Doesn’t mean we can’t feel alive and make the rest of our days even more spectacular. I can’t exactly promise you that tomorrow holds a brighter day, but I can promise that you can make it so. I know it’s hard, but believe me.”

I found myself with a smile on my face as I gave another light chuckled, “That doesn’t sound like it’s all that easy.”

“It’s not. But it’s easier when you’re not alone,” with a smile on the pink mare’s face, she got up off the ledge and started to move toward the fire escape. “Coming?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I’m coming down.”

-------------------------------------------

The rest of my day and a good portion of my evening was spent at the police station. That’s what I get for causing a problem for the officers. They weren’t happy with the amount of paperwork they had to do because of me. Can’t say I blame them, but other than that, they were happy to see the incident ending without me jumping.

“Now, you stay out of trouble, alright? We don’t want anypony to harm themselves,” the police chief was scolding me as he escorted me toward the exit of the station.

“I plan to stay out of trouble, sir, believe me,” I replied. “Thank you for your time.”

With that, I exited out of the police station to the Manehatten night. The street and sidewalks lit up the area to counter the darkness, and the light of the city skyline gave the city a glow. To my surprise, the very same pink pony that talked me down from the ledge was waiting underneath the light of the station stoop.

I was really surprised, “It’s you. What are you doing here?”

Her voice was as bouncy as her mane, “What do you think, silly? I’ve been waiting for you!”

“But….why?”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay! And now that I see you are, we can go do stuff! Let’s go get something to eat!”

I was still puzzled, “Wait, what? You waited hours for me to be released by the police just to make sure if I was okay?”

She had that smile that I’ve gotten used to by now, “You really are silly! I would have stayed up on that ledge with you all night if I had to. I would never abandon a friend.”

“Friend,” the word almost seemed alien to me. “I like the sound of that.” I really did.

“Please, call me Pinkie Pie!” she insisted as we started to trot down the sidewalk, lit up by the streetlamps, “We’ll let the lights guide us.”

END

Comments

[Brony4eva]

As a madman once said "the way I see it life is a pile of good things and bad things…The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things, and make them unimportant." and " We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?"

-The Doctor
Great story

[ClockWorkAndSteamPunk]

This is gorgeous and amazing and everypony should read this.

[scoots2]

I liked it.

[Pigserpent]

I rather like the idea behind this.

[Closer-To-The-Sun]

4611991 I rather like your tiny, floating whale.

[MichelleTwistaloo]

You couldn't possibly have known at the time, but this story really reflects on my experience.

I'm sorry, this is another one of those huge, dry, stories.

Just imagine some wavy lines or something as I take you to....flashback land.

I had been going through sort of a bad phase, at that point I had been medicated with anti-psychotics, anti.anxiolitics, some sort of anti-depressives, and even some supressors.

The reason for that? I was mad, full on pissed off, I had been causing trouble at school, screaming, howlering, insulting everyone, whimpering on a corner. and sometimes just letargically sit down and look at a point on the wall in front of me. The police had gotten involved (I started out crying, ended up screaming, and every couple of minutes I either stopped screaming to start crying or stopped crying to start screaming) and, seeing as the counselor was unavaliable, the police had to be called to take note of the situation, and then I took a ride to the psyciatric hospital on the next town over.

Well, no, they never did figure out what was wrong with me, but they sure did try, scans, x-rays, and other medical exams that'll probably give me cancer in some years were made, I was put on a psyciatric and a psichologist.

Well, seeing as they couldn't get a formal diagnosis, they decided to cover every possible symptom I could have, I was unbalanced and so they gave me anxiety pills to stop the wimpering in fear, psychotic pills to stop the screaming, and anti depressives to stop the crying. It was a pretty powerful cocktail of chemicals, which had to be taken regularly, several times a day, and it made me feel like I was on an emotional roller coaster.

I could go from zero to a hundred in about 30 seconds, whatever strange thing those drugs were doing on my brain, they certanly didn't feel good, I was unable to feel any sort of pleasure or satisfaction on my work. In fact, I barely did any work. I was an excellent student, one that was easily on the top 10 of that grade at school, I had never studied, but I had never gotten a grade lower than an 86 percent (on a scale of 100).

I don't say this to brag, just to demonstrate, I felt so much variety of emotions inside of me, It made me feel sick, literally, my stomach would turn, I could hear my heart beat ringing in my ears, I couldn't stop blinking. But on the outside, I didn't show any emotion, I don't know why or how, but while that made me drown on myself (that is, I was barely able to raise my voice to be heard, and instead just walloweed on my feelings). I was constantly tired, it got to a point where I had to use rubber bands and snap them almost every minute just not to close my eyes and fall over on the ground, my grades started to go down, down, down, and If I had sixteens (on a scale up to twenty) on the first avaliation, It was pretty obvious to anyone I didn't have a chance to move on to the next year.

I took that hard....my parents had the best intentions for me, and I wanted to make them proud, I wanted to give them a reason to stop arguing with each other and agree on something, that, hey, at least for now, they had something to be proud of. I felt like I wanted to cry, and there was a lump in my throat, but no tears actually came.

I don't know when I made the decision....they say that most suicides happen on a whim and that if the person had waited some days it'll have passed...I agree with them, it's pretty much like that.

My thoughts were "I am mentally unstable, pretty much a dead weight, and a burden to everyone, I will probably end up on a mental ward for the rest of my life". Facing that, the decision was easy enough, right?

The thing I hated most about all the drugs I had been taking was that it left me too tired and too unable to focus so I could write, I hadn't written anything in months..

That day I sat down and wrote, and wrote, and wrote, and wrote. I had never written so much on my life, I wanted to make clear, so I was very careful with my words, that this wasn't anyone's fault, and that I hadn't hold any grunges, I wished the very best to everyone, and that,hopefully, everything would turn off fine.

Despite the catholic city where I live, with more than 3 churches, I had never really believed in any of that, I wondered, at that moment, If I'd get the eternal nothingness, just black, or if I'd end up being tortured for all eternity. Either way I didn't care all too much.

I knew of the various methods, as macabre as that sounds, I had immediately dismissed throwing myself in front of traffic, because that would probably put my suicide as a murder in someone's hands. I didn't know how to tie a straight knot, so I couldn't possibly hang myself, I was pretty sure I'd panic and return to the surfface if I tried drowning, and I didn't want to throw myself from a high place, both because It'd be a lot of work to clean up, and because the only place I had acess too that was high enough was an apartment building, and if I threw myself, who knew if the kids that lived across the street, would see it?

I won't tell what method I choose, mostly because I don't want to encourage anyone, it's surprisingly easy to find a way to do it, but please, if anyone's considering it, don't.

As I slowly felt myself get more and more tired, I panicked, I didn't sense a peace, or saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Those final moments where your body feels there's nothing it can do, are awful.

I managed to get help.

And I felt guilt and guilt. Everyone was just so...shocked, that's the word. I assured them It wasn't their fault, and I started to blame myself.

If one thing, the period I spend recovering (I was absent from school, they had to take me off the drugs to avoid any unwanted reactions with the meds they were giving me to heal...), was great, It really cleared my mind.

I changed the medical professionals attending to my mental health, as a "at risk" teen, I was overseen by some of the brightest and most professional child counselors and professionals there were.

They took one look at my medication, looked at one another and immediately changed it all. I was being given extreme medication, meant for adults who suffer from schizophrenia and bipolarity, not only were they messing with my still hormonal body (they weren't even meant to people under the age of 18),but the side effects (which were pretty much what I had been feeling throughout all this time) were only increased in tone by the mixture .

The problem was, the hospital where I had gone had no child psychiatrist, so the pshyciatrist just prescribed me what normally worked, ignoring my age.

I still didn't try to use the cocktail as a way to dodge the blame for my reckless act, but it felt great knowing that I hadn't been simply over reacting.

Anyway, I still take some drugs, that can't be avoided, since they create kind of an addiction, and if I stop taking them suddently, I could develop several problems. But I feel great with myself.

All that to say....suicide is bad m'kay, so if you do it, you're gonna die m'kay?

As for the story...I can certanly relate to feeling hopeless, and I certanly wish, I had, at the time, friends like Pinkie Pie, unfortunately, people like her are hard to find, and no one is as capable of keep on trying to make people laugh and cheer up like her.

I think you really captured her character well.

Sorry, for the long story, I was just....sorry.

And I've got to go clean my tears out, this brought back memories...

[Closer-To-The-Sun]

4812765 That's quite a story and I'm sorry to hear about all of what happened. I am happy to hear about the turn around and the progress that has been made for ya.

Truth be told, this is a slightly fictionalized version of an attempt that I almost went through, but I was lucky that I had one amazing friend who helped me through. I can never repay them for what they did to help me and it still gets to me of how much they did. Anyway, I'm sure you don't want to hear about that story. The main point here is that, and I quote Third Eye Blind, "everyone has got to face down their demons", regardless of what they are.

[MichelleTwistaloo]

4814266 Thank you, ya know, I still have a digital copy of that file, and I still look at it once in a while, and read it. It always makes me want to cry, and it isn't common for me to start getting tears, but to remember the bad moments, the lowest of the low, is always important, so you can compare yourself in a few years and be all like "God what a hormonal douchebag, acting all like an emo, I was", although in my case it's more of "God, that period of my life felt just so....wrong and awful, and I feel much greater now!"

If you do want to talk about it (obviously you didn't suceed unless you're a literal ghost writer), I'm here for you, you can pm, or reply here, it's up to your choice, I love to hear other people's sucess stories! The part about how crappy they felt, and why they wanted to end it all is always a bad reading, but the part where family and friends step in, and help them get back to their feet, that makes me get my faith back in humanity!

And I'm really glad a friend of yours stepped in and helped you.

As for facing demons, well, my demons were all the stuff I had been given and my confunsing emotions. If one think I guess I should be thankful for it, you see, when you "numb" yourself every day, when you get clear again, and can finally feel joy and be with a group of friends and laugh for real, and talk, instead of just following them around, shuffling around them like you carry the weight of the world on top of you....

Not only do you get to value your mental sanity a lot more, you also develop a certain fascination with those emotions.

Nowadays I write in third person, and talk about several people's feelings at the same time

It's handier, for applying emotional analisys, but, for a time there, all of my stories where about someone suffering a lose, or an event, and re telling their feelings in the first person, on a letter or something.

Well, if you want to talk, I'm here for you! :)

[Closer-To-The-Sun]

4815869 Same goes to you, if ya feel a need to talk to somepony, I'm here for ya.

(Also, if you want a little sample of 'success' story of me getting out of issues, my fic "Concerto A Rainy Day" reflects on that.)