Just here to read, and write, some FanFic. I really enjoy this stuff, so if you ever need an editor I can look it over for you, just hit me up!
A Pegasus without its wings... Is it worth living through a nightmare, whether it be the reality you are living? The nightmare that haunts every pegasus - Being Wingless. Does a young Pegasus know if she is living in reality - or is it a nightmare?
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Seemed a bit rushed at the end, and you didn't really get a chance to figure out what was going on in the beginning. Basically, she wakes up in a hospital and has no wings, so she attacks a doctor and jumps off a cliff.
P0nies wont do anything else with the story, besides we can use our imagination as to what led to the disappearance of her wings
418105 It was my attempt at a sad story, and i wanted to be a story where you decide what happened.
and then she wakes up... right?..... RIGHT???
p.s.
I think the story was too rushed.
you need to describe it longer and more..
and trust me, i know how you feel.
when you have an awesome story, and you just want to submit it now, ?
you need to hold urself back.
also, many tears were shed.
other than that, nice work
Did you make the cover art in Paint.NET?
I saw that you could've taken a RD picture, put it in a layer, created a new layer, rendered clouds, turned the opacity down, and there you go..
Did you?
418442 no, just photoshop :P i didnt know what to do, so yeah.
418507
Hmm... That's strange! I didn't even realize you wrote this! Remember, deviantART?
Haha. Small internet..
418518 oh hai :D
418356 Im not telling if she wakes up. that is up to you to decide.
418527
aww.
The description wanted me to think about "One in One Hundred"
Will read anyways
well I loved the story but at the end you could have been a little more spesific. was it a dream or reality
? I still dunno
Hey I could make a cover for you if you want.
418884 That was the point. Im not going to tell you if it is reality or not. That, my friend, is up to you.
419556 yeah if you make a cover, send it to me in a PM and if i like it, ill be sure to update it
419625
Alright. I'll work on it tomorrow.
418105 I agree but it was good nonetheless
418547 Yeah, sorry, but not really. I left it like that so you choose if it was a dream, or if it was reality. I've been wanting to make a story like this, and so i did.
419722 Thanks
So.. it's kinda like Inception.... You decide whether or not it was a dream after all.
So, you wanted my opinion. Here it is.
The opening quote feels odd. Normally I'm alright with quotes, they can set the tone when done right. But it just feels WEIRD having the main character of the story provide their own quote. And especially Rainbow Dash, who isn't exactly known for her wisdom. Maybe have Spitfire say the quote?
"reeked of anesthesia"? Does anesthesia really have that strong of a smell?
"Willpower can make this happen, if your mind is string enough." Lol. The story needs more grammatical and spelling editing. But the fact you got a proofreader is a great start.
Holy crap, I love that ending! "It was over." Does she mean the dream? Her life?! Oh, what a wonderful cliffhanger! Whatever you do, don't make a sequel or another chapter, it's a perfect ending as is!
Okay, overall, I'll start by saying this is a HUGE improvement over your previous story. That was (if I may be frank) a mess. This is... A whole lot less of a mess. The numerous grammar and spelling errors pulled me out of the moment quite a bit. The story as a whole feels a bit rushed, and lacks the build-up that would make the ending have more of an impact (pardon the pun). So, in conclusion, I thought the story was decent. I don't dislike the story and I don't like the story. I give it a "meh" (if that makes any sense).
Keep up the good work!
423684 Thanks for your opinion, I try and improve with every story.
422739 and now that i think of it, yes it is kind of like inception. but 20% cooler.
this could very easily be the starting blocks of a much longer story that I would gladly read
424559 yes it could be. But it shall not be continued. Glad you liked
Woah.... That was intense. Nice story, I like how you left it to the readers to decide what happens.
A few grammar errors here and there, but besides that, it was near perfect.
I give you a 4 out of 5.
Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\
...This is too sad for me to keep reading.
Just one recommendation for word choice, though; make sure you say "somepony" instead of "someone." It's proper Equestrian language.
466417 Yeah, word choice is still something I am trying to improve on. But sad is what was meant here, hence the [Sad] Tag.
466445
Yeah, but...
Just a bit too sad for me. I stopped when Rainbow Dash was running off into the forest.
I can't bear to read about her in that much pain...
That probably means something's wrong with me, but it's true nonetheless.
466452 but I do HIGHLY suggest you read until the end, because you do choose how it ends in a way. But if you don't, thats ok too. Sometimes sad is just too sad.
466462
...Baww, shucks...
You put work into this, I suppose I'll read it through.
466467 Thank you, and remember any tears shed over a story can only be good tears.
466472
...Oh. That was shorter than I thought it would be.
Hey, that was actually a kind of clever writing style.
That concept, though... I shudder to think...
466482 Well, thank you. If you are into some more sad stories, Memories and guilt are two more to read
466517
Thanks for informing me.
I think I've had enough sadness for one day, though...
I became a Brony for the happiness and cupcakes.
wasn't time to be sad
What my mind wrote after reading this:
She then woke up, with a scream, in her bed. Nothing had changed at all. The bed was soft, like always, the walls were the same, various poster (mainly of the Wonderbolts) were welded all over the room.
She panicked, worried for her wings, she flapped them a few times, they felt normal, so she folded them back.
She sat on her bed, thinking of the nightmare she just had.
Did she really want to quit her life if she lost her wings?
"Gosh, that was a weird dream i had!" She thought, pouring some water in a glass.
Then, the thought of that dream hit her like a train again...
"Would i really quit my life if i lost my wings? If i don't have my wings, i'm nothing... i would be a worthless piece of dirt. But what about my friends? What would they- Rainbow Dash, shut up. Don't think about it and get back to bed. It was only a dream." She said to herself.
She then got bed to her bed, and slept. Even if it was a little harder to relax after that bad dream.
By the way, is it normal that i screamed as soon as i finished reading "It was over"?
1052106 Its one of the many reactions I would expect of a person, and the fact that you wrote your own ending is great, and shows what you should do with vague endings like this.
Story is great as it is now. It doesn't need a forced ending. It's even a bit scary!
Poow Wainbow, what happened to your pwecious wings? 
I... simply can't tell 
If I'd be a pegasus and I'd lose my wings I don't know what I'll do... I seriously don't
1052106 Buck, I screamed too
And that ending is exactly what I pictured after reading 
Happy endings are the best endings 
you..... you... YOU BASTARDI!how can you...how can you end it... there of all places?
2153882 For one reason, my friend: the fact you create the rest of it on your own, and you are the one who picks what really happened to her. Not me.
And thanks for reading, don't really expect people to read my early works.