• Member Since 26th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen March 2nd

P0nies


Just here to read, and write, some FanFic. I really enjoy this stuff, so if you ever need an editor I can look it over for you, just hit me up!

Comments ( 29 )
Gak
Gak #1 · Mar 3rd, 2013 · · ·

This was a great take on Dash's father. It gave me the feels :twilightsmile:. Though, I was a little confused about what happened at the very end. Did he pass out or die? Either way, this was great. :pinkiehappy:

ded

not big surprise

:/hoovy:

Damn that ending :fluttercry:

... SEQUALLLLLLL ................................................O.........M.........G..............dun dun DUUUUUN

that pic is scary for some reason

we just find out dashie has a dad, so you kill him :facehoof:

My one problem is that the ghost of Rainbowshine had appeared BEFORE he started having what I presume was a heart attack that killed him. I would normally have a problem with a story like this on principle (I hate the idea that any of the mane six's parents are dead, with the exception of Applejack since that is now canon), but this is well-written enough that I don't really care.

And was it really necessary to have all that white space before that last word? ...I suppose it DOES add dramatic effect...

Wait. Hang on. Just a minute. Hold the phone. Something doesn't add up. Hold on a second. Time out.

He's dead?

Dad?
:needstobeimplementedrainbowsad:

:fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttershyouch::raritycry::fluttershbad: That was so sad! Plus, his name is Bucaneer Blaze? She named it after him! This was beautiful!:pinkiesad2:

Alright ill bite: why aint this featured?

2210127 I would say that it only has 30 up in roughly 7 hours is the main reason behind it.

You scored a Double-Disney, you killed BOTH of Rainbow's parents.

Wait what? Does Not Compute Does Not Compute *Brrrzzzztttttt*

Interesting if a little short. I personally would like to see it expanded a heckova lot more but it's your story.

My only issue with the mechanics was when you said 'fillies and foals'. Foals is a blanket terms for young ponies and doesn't indicate gender. It would be like saying 'girls and children'. The proper term for a child male pony is colt.

But that's just nitpicking. I did enjoy this well enough.

2212652 Thanks, and I fixed the 'fillies and foals', because you did have some sense in that. For me - I like to write short stories, and I try to make them sad if I can. Don't know why, but I have never been much good at the longer ones. Not very often that I get someone with some popularity reading my stories :twilightsmile:

Awwww.
:fluttercry:
Then heart attack. Maybe he will wake up in hospital one day and Dashie will be there, waiting for him. Realizing that he is all she's got left. Maybe that could be another story, from Dashie's perspective. :3

2212652 the show itself has inconsistencies in addressing one another. "Fillies and gentlecolts" was used to say "ladies and gentlemen" though literally it'd be "boys and girls."

Reminds me of My Little Dashie. Sad. :raritycry: But, did the dad pass out or die? :rainbowhuh:

I'll be honest. Didn't dislike the story, but can't say I really enjoyed it either. It's just too short and it seems built around the idea 'kill dad, commence the feels' without any further planning put into it. There's just not a whole lot of story here, no interactions occur between characters, either in the present or presented through flashbacks. All the 'development' in the story is done via exposition, just the main character telling us how he feels. You should aim for 'Show, don't tell'.

No rating attached. Like I said, it's not bad, but it could be a lot better.

2213776
I am pretty sure that he had a heart attack and died.

This was a fine short story. I can always find a way to see these kinds of stories as believable. Any-who, great job with the story. I look forward to reading more from you.

Oh...damn. Finding your dad dead? That's cold, man. That happened to one of my friends....

You've never failed to give me feels, P0nies. Never.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Rainbowshine was an interesting choice for Rainbow's mom.

6632635 why do you say so?

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

6632938
Just never seen it before. Usually people use Firefly or an OC.

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