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Treebuilding Twilight’s Home
Written & Edited by Seven81493
It was destroyed. Her precious tree, which she had called home for nearly 5 years, was… gone. Blown away in an instant by Tirek. As Twilight stared at the smoldering husk before her, she heard somebody else walking up behind her. Turning her head slightly, she was greeted by the beaming smile of Princess Celestia.
“We can rebuild it… we have the technology.”
“But do we have the wood?”
“Oh trust me, Twilight, I’ve got wood,” Celestia grinned.
“Y-you do?”
“Yeah, it’s over there in that pile, see?” Celestia asked, pointing to a pile of wood to their right.
Twilight spotted the wood her mentor was pointing at and nodded. “Oh, I see it now.” Walking over to the pile, she picked up a log with her magic. “Look, Princess, now I’ve got wood too! We have wood together!”
“Is it just me or is it getting… hot over here, Twilight?” asked the Princess, who was now futilely attempting to fan herself off with her hoof.
“Well, the weatherpony did say it was going to be about ninety today.”
“Wow, that’s pretty hot,” Celestia replied. “Now let’s get to work.”
And so, they did. It took a while, but eventually, the base of the tree began to resemble its original shape. As Twilight finished placing the last of the wood she had, she heard Celestia yell from far away. “Twilight, do you need more wood!?”
“Yeah! If I don’t get wood quickly, we won’t be able to treebuild my home!”
“I know, that’s why I-- wait, did you just make a pun!?”
“No, I just said we need to treebuild my home!”
“That’s a pun, you moron!” the Sun Princess yelled back from her far away position. There was nothing she hated more than puns, and Twilight wasn’t going to get away with such an atrocity.
“No it’s not, I’m just saying we have to treebuild my home or I won’t have any place to stay!” Twilight yelled back, seemingly oblivious to her own awfulness.
“Stop that right now!” her mentor scolded her.
“Stop doing what!?”
Letting out a sigh of defeat, Celestia finally gave up. “Nothing, whatever, let’s just build this stupid tree.”
And so, the two quickly got back to work as soon as Celestia finished giving Twilight her wood. It was wood that Celestia had gathered that morning, and she was proud of the work she had gotten done. Yes, they had plenty of morning wood left, so building this tree would be no issue. Of course, Twilight wanted the tree to remain as close to the original as possible, which really conflicted with Celestia’s thoughts.
“Twilight, are you absolutely certain that you don’t want a ‘Super Ultra Mega Death Ray Deluxe 3000’ installed on the roof of your tree?”
“It’s best that we leaf the tree the way it was originally, Princess.”
“MAKE ANOTHER PUN, I DARE YOU.”
---
As Celestia finished placing the last piece of wood on Twilight’s tree, she couldn't help but admire their craftsmanship. Not only did the tree look exactly the same as before, but the wood that they had built it with was even better. Sturdier, more resilient, and definitely unlikely to be taken down by some cliche villain with super strong powers. Yes, it was clear that this incarnation of the fabled Treebrary would remain standing for thousands of years. A monument of a momentous battle.
Nothing was going to destroy it. Absolutely… nothing…
“Princess, this tree doesn’t look very safe.”
“Nonsense, it’s even safer than before, Twilight! Nothing will be able to breach its defenses now!”
“But, the support beams you made are made out of toothpicks...”
“Twilight, for the last time, nothing could possibly harm this tree, I made sure to keep it as architecturally sound as possible. Not even a meteor would be able to put a dent in it.”
“Well alright, if you say so…” Twilight reluctantly stepped towards the tree, her hooves literally shaking beneath her. As she reached the first step leading to the door, she breathed a sigh of relief. So far, the tree hadn’t collapsed, so maybe Celestia was right. As Twilight opened the door to the tree and stepped inside, she couldn’t help but smile. It was exactly like she remembered it. Every book, ever piece of furniture, every piece of silverware, they were all in the same places.
“Looks nice, doesn’t it?” Celestia asked from the doorway, grinning. “I told you, never doubt my craftsmanship, Twilight.”
“I’m sorry I did, Princess,” Twilight responded, still in awe at the work they had done. The inside looked almost exactly the same, all the way down to that crack in the floor by the third bookshelf on the left. Huh, kind of weird that they deliberately left a spot tarnished. She really needed to get that fixed…
But aside from that, the tree was completely perfect.
“See, what did I tell you? Absolutely perfect,” Celestia boasted as she smacked her hoof against the doorway of the tree. Almost instantly, the tree collapsed inwards, burying Twilight in a pile of morning wood. “Huh, should I try and dig her out?”
Celestia pondered this question for quite a bit. On the one hoof, Twilight was a princess, and her going missing would raise some eyebrows. But on the other hoof, she was a pun-making demonspawn that deserved a painful death.
“Nah, she can… rot. Ha, get it, like when a tree rots? Oh confound it, now I’m on the same level as her!”
Celestia quickly took to the skies and flew home, arriving there about fifteen minutes later. Upon her arrival, she was greeted by Shining Armor. “Hey, Princess, so did you and Twilight finish rebuilding her tree?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“Is something wrong, Princess?”
“No no, nothing’s wrong. Twilight’s as happy as can be, who said anything different? I’ll have you know she got everything she axed for. Absolutely… everything...”
“Uh… okay, I’m gonna come back when you’re less weird, Princess.”
As Celestia watched Shining Armor walk over, she had only one thought on her mind.
“Why the hell am I making puns now…”
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A+
All that... Wood
I can hear myself in Celestia's dialogue. Pun-hating Celestia should be a thing. Treebuilding.. really, Twilight? Celestia is gonna get you!
This deserves feature, I can taste it! No, that's just all that wood - I MEAN WHAT?!
Why did yew do this? I mean, this story might get you pretty poplar, but still. I don't think it wood, though.
4463036
READ MY COMMENT AND BE ANGERED BY THE PUNS!
4463108 At this point, if people make puns for the sake of trying to test me, I am immune, so bleh!
I thought it was comical at Celestia's reaction to Twilight's first tree pun, and her question to install a 'Super Ultra Mega Death Ray Deluxe 3000’ on Twilight's roof. XD
What the fuck did i just read
Masterpiece.
I was pining for some puns, and this definitely satisfied the itch. I'd even go so far as to say I was barking up the right tree.
4499749 You are a true bro
I'm quite releafed to hear that.
I have to ash yew, though, if it was oak-ay to avoid continuing the punslaught?
4499781 I'm afraid I have to log this pun
4583872 Oh? Did my puns offend? Yew poor sap yew, having to see to such acorny post.
But at least you get to stick it to me.
Unless your anger stems from jealousy at my skills as a pungeon master?
These tree puns are getting old though. Maybe I should... Branch out?
This is why you're my husbando. The puns were the best part.