• Member Since 4th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 12 minutes ago

kildeez


I like writing ponies. And violent explosions. For some reason, that's not a problem here.

T

Two months ago, Anon was sent to Ponyville on Celestia's behest. Now, after not hearing from him, Celestia goes to investigate (a bit belated, sure, but without that plot point the whole story falls apart so whatever). She doesn't like what she finds. Neither will you.

Not a clopfic despite the sex tag, but there is a ton of filthy language and imagery here written by a filthier mind. You've been warned.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 58 )

Humans. We'll almost die to get some.

5847258 Hell yeah.

This was pretty hilarious. Kinda want a sequel. RD's and FS's reactions, maybe?

Is it strange if i thought it was actually funny? It is strange, since i usually don´t like something like this, and especially not a one-shot.

5849287 Making something new out of tired, old concepts is a hobby of mine :)

5849036 Eh, this was just a one-shot deal I wanted out of my system, I'm afraid.

Worth it.

5849471 Totally worth it.

In a word: Brilliant.

Perfection.

5938072 *bows again*

You're disgusting. This piece is disgusting. You should feel ashamed.

Have an upvote.
media.giphy.com/media/2WGaGfzdEre6c/giphy.gif

Fuck yeah.

And that is why I fucking love anon. He doesn't care.

He got digits. They're cool.

If your intention had been to create a bizarre and unnerving parody then you're spot on!

As I read this story my overall impression was that a psychopath had taken Fellini's movie, City Of Women, had rewritten it and then completely refilmed it using a fish eye lens, giving it the overall impression and feel of a nightmare. Not the kind of nightmare that makes you leap from sleep sweating and palpitating but the kind of disturbing nightmare that makes you wake up feeling unsettled and wondering just what it was, exactly.

There were several parts where I laughed out loud.

A question: How can anypony as obviously intelligent as Twilight Sparkle get so stupidly tricked into giving Anon blowjobs for two months? Granted, she's definitely naive in many ways but she's at an age where it's blindingly obvious she should know what a penis is and where it's located... On any species!

Is this clop? In spite of its obviously careful wording I have to say yes.

Did I like it? I'm not sure. I'll have to let you know after my initial shock wears off.

I will say that I'm looking forward to reading more of your work if, for no other reason, than that I won't be left with the strange and disturbing impression this piece left me with. Who knows? I might even actually enjoy it. If it's not as disturbing as this piece was.

Oh! I almost forgot: Did I upvote it? Yes, I did! The reason: For its originality and style. The story was sufficiently original and the style was crisp enough to make it pleasant to read.

Sigh... Only you kildeez.

Only you.

6204640 *sniffles* I'm okay...I'm okay...

6241684 Thank Christ for that, right?

6242976
Killdeez! Nice to see you, again! :twilightsmile: It's been a while. I hope you've been well.

6243824 I have, my dear! I have, besides dealing with the usual hatred on my TCB-fic.

I really should've seen the vicious hate I get from that one coming.

6245281
First, glad to hear you're well. That's always good news.
To be honest I'm not sure which fic you're referring to when you say TCB fic. You'll have to clarify that one for me.
Vicious hate? How disheartening! Still, considering the extremes this fandom can take, I really shouldn't be surprised. But, again, it's very reassuring that those extremists are few and far between unless you're under seige from them then it seems like a lot, but only if you look close enough that you can see the pores in their skin which raises the question of: why would anyone want to be that close to them, anyway? They probably have a really bad odor, which would tend to put anyone in a grumpy mood, especially anyone inclined to be an extremist, anyway. Seriously, though, I jest.
Sorry you're getting hate.
Looking forward to hearing from you again soon.

6245328 Mostly, "setting Things Right," every plot point that occurs which doesn't conform EXACTLY to how someone wants it to go, HOLY HELL, LOOK OUT! 'Cause I'm getting an earful over that!

6245335

Ah, yeah! Well, I get that all the time, myself, especially when my stories deviate too far from established Canon. I swear, to some on here, imagination is a big no no!

Case in point: one of my stories, "They", which adheres strictly to canon, has virtually nothing 'un-pony' in it has no downvotes whereas, my other most complex and epic story, No Way Back, which contains a tremendous amount of OC as well as anthro ponies, gets hated on more than any of my other stories because it's so far from established Canon, particularly where it involves interactions between characters since I portray Celestia, Luna and Prince Shining Armor in a darker light than many fans are comfortable with. Ironically, it appears to be my most popular story! lol Go figure!

5849287

It would only be strange if you had absolutely no sense of humor... Or if you were a Vulcan. :rainbowlaugh:

6245351 People get curious about the deviation and then decide that you've crossed a line, which is kinda shit, but whatevs. You just gotta find that balance. Me? I'm not for hating on those three, I prefer to stick to canon with them, but that's my preference and nothing more :)

6248849

Never said you were hating, never thought you were and whatever works for you, great! I just like to let my imagination go wherever it will as I tend to come up with what are to me more interesting story plots and topics, sticking only to canon where necessary. Haters gonna hate. It's their loss, really. They don't know what they're missing out on.

Working on something rather original at the moment involving a Chanequus, a half Changeling, half Draconequus. Very interesting creature and it's a carnivore!

Balance is fine for those who choose that but, for me, it's something best left to walking tightwires and steel beams on skyscrapers. In other words, not really for me.

Also, there's the idea that there's about a hundred thousand members on this site, only a tiny fraction of which 'discover us' at any given time, really, leaving the rest to eventually find us. That's how fan bases slowly grow and get built. I know I can count on that over a long time and that's fine.

Like I'm always saying; we write for the people who like our stories, not for the ones who don't.

6248884 Naw mate, if anyone, we write for ourselves, never someone else

6249165
Yeah, okay, I can see how we write for ourselves, for our own satisfaction, for our creative need and all that but I also see where we can write for our fans as well, bringing them the pleasure of enjoying the stories we write. After all, why even bother if no one else is ever going to see it, right?

6249374 Well shit, there's a good point.

6250305

Thanks! We all have our reasons for writing. To me, mostly, I think its the joy of entertaining others and firing their imaginations. Then there's always the fans reactions, which are fun. In the case of one story I had a character who'd gone through some tremendous changes, a virtual transformation over time from bad to good. The fans loved her but then I killed her off! Man, you should have seen the lynch mob that formed for that! :rainbowlaugh:

But, that was intended and part of the story arc so there'd be an enormous, shocking surprise. Still, you can never fully anticipate how fans will react to a surprise like that.

6251178 Yeah...*eyes twitch nervously*...totally unpredictable...

This was dumb, but it made me lol so hard anyway.

6254435 Hah! Just what I was shooting for!

Now that was a thing of beauty.

Is it bad to wish for another chapter to this awesome story? :moustache::pinkiehappy::scootangel:

6789045 I have no idea what it'd be, but I think it's perfectly natural :)

6881923 Exactly the reaction I was hoping for

Wow. On so many levels, wow. I need to get off the workplace computer and go home now.
....
....the things that come out of your brain both frighten me, and make me laugh.

7138034 kinda what I'm shooting for here :)

This is the most offensive, atrocius and repulsive thing I have ever read.

And I fucking love it :D

My only question is: Why is there no Random tag on this?

7174688 DAMN good point.

I don't recall how I stumbled over this, but whatever. It uh... started out a little rough there. Not the basic set up, that was fine. The dialogue was just a bit too meta... stilted... at first.

It got better. The sheer, almost sociopathic nature of... basically all of them here... Fantastic. Not since Lyra on a train full of orphans and fire... I'd normally go into more detail than this. But.... eh, I got nothin'. Have another upvote; in exchange I get another story for the folder full of things that shouldn't make me laugh that much, but do.

Nice work.

7646445 I can't believe you devoted that much thought to a stupid parody. But thank you.

Pain is temporary, horse pussy is eternal.

Up next: The Actual Hook-up.

Takes place in Twilight's place, in which they do basically the same thing as they've been doing for a while now, but without a '100% authentic royal decree.'

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