The Perfect Gift.
Most stories start off in some typical setting where the protagonist is doing some useless activity that they would usually do in their everyday life, and here is another one. So our story starts off with our favorite purple pony rushing through the market, on a regular Saturday.
“Ohhh what to get her, what to get her!?” Twilight thought while rushing from stand to stand, completely oblivious to everything around her. Today was Rainbow Dash’s birthday, and she is having a difficult time trying to find a gift for her best friend. As Twilight continued to search for Rainbows gift she grew even more impatient with herself.
“Why did I keep putting Rainbow’s gift off so much?” Twilight mentally berated herself.
“Perhaps you should have thought of the consequences of waiting so long, it’s unlike you to be so unprepared” The little voice in her mind told her.
“I know I know, but I just assumed she wouldn’t care what I got her.” Twilight nervously defended, knowing full well that is a lie. “If you don’t think she will mind, why not just get her a book?” Replied the voice in a mocking tone.
Twilight replied with a sigh, “Because I want to get her the best present she cou-”. Before Twilight could finish her sentence she felt something hit her hoof, along with heard a quiet, startled cry. She looked up to find one of her other best friends picking herself up off the ground.
“Sorry Fluttershy!” Twilight apologized, helping her up. “I wasn’t watching where I was going. Are you okay?”
“It’s alright Twilight. What’s got you so distracted?” Fluttershy asked. Twilight looked nervously back and forth, seeing only the clock tower a few meters away. She breathed and asked, “Do you promise not to tell Rainbow Dash?”
“Um... I-I guess.” The shy pegasus replied looking at the ground.
Twilight took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, “Just like Cadance taught me.” As Twilight breathed out she calmly stated, “I don’t have a present for Rainbow’s birthday, and I have no clue what to get her.”
“Oh .. umm .. That could be a problem.” Fluttershy looked up in thought. “Well I got her a replica of the Sapphire Statue. Why don’t you get her something related to Daring Do, or perhaps the Wonderbolts? Buy her something in her interest.”
“The thing is, I already thought of that. I want her gift to be the most amazing thing she could get.” Twilight replied staring at the ground with a frown. Looking up and seeing the downtrodden look on Fluttershy’s face, Twilight quickly recovered and stated with a smile, “What I mean is, your gift would be less special, seeing how she would receive multiple Daring Do item’s.”
Fluttershy smiled, “Thanks Twilight, but maybe you should just tell Rainbow Dash you’re having trouble deciding what to get her. I don’t think she would mind too much. She might have a particular gift in mind that only you could get her”
“Perhaps my princess-hood could get her quite a few things, but I don’t want her to abuse my position.” Replied the purple alicorn, slowly getting lost in thought. She spent a few minutes thinking before being interrupted by a tap to her shoulder. As she came back to reality she heard Fluttershy tell her it was time to meet up with Pinkie Pie. Twilight followed Fluttershy in silence, thinking about what to gift Rainbow Dash. As they made their way through town they noticed a gathering of ponies in front of Sugarcube Corner. As they grew closer they could hear cheering, “Only Pinkie could receive this much cheering for a simple decoration.” Twilight thought with a giggle.
As Twilight joined the crowd she could hear Rarity shout, “I don't know how she does it.” Twilight couldn’t help but join in all the excitement and forget her current worries. “Wow, look at her go!” She exclaimed with a smile. As Pinkie finished the final touches of her work, the painting of Rainbow Dash reminded Twilight of her current predicament.
“Hey Rarity, Applejack, can you girls help me with something?” The purple alicorn asked, catching their attention. “What is it dear?” Replied the fashionista curiously.
Checking to make sure nopony was looking, Twilight dragged the two ponies into Sugarcube Corner. Twilight sighed nervously, hoping to get a little help. “I-I haven’t bought Rainbow a present yet, and I have absolutely no Idea what I should get her. Fluttershy suggested aiming for her interests, but I want to surprise her with something she least expects. Do you have any ideas?”
“Woah, Woah, Woah, whaddaya mean ya don’t got Rainbow’s present, y’know how hard it is ta grab up a present last minute?” Applejack replied with concern for her friend. “This ain’t like you Twi, You usually got everythin’ planned out weeks before it even happens.”
“I know, I know,” Replied Twilight with a sense of despair, “Fluttershy said the same thing. I just figured with how simple Rainbow Dash is I wouldn’t need to worry much about what to get her, just the fact that I did get her something. I feel like such a fool to have thought that, besides, as her friend I should have made more of an effort.”
“Don’t beat yourself up darling, you simply had a little lapse of judgement.” Replied Rarity, giving Twilight a small calming hug. “Sometimes it’s the thought that count’s, I’m sure Rainbow would greatly appreciate your effort.”
“Thanks Rarity, I needed that.” Replied the princess with small smile.
Applejack then stepped forward, raising her hoof. “Ah hate to be the pony to ruin the mood, but Twilight still needs to find Rainbow a gift. Now ah don’t know ‘bout ya’ll but ah decided to keep it simple an’ get her a little gift basket.” Applejack stated, beginning to head for Sweet Apple Acres. “Come on, ah’ll show ya.” One their way out the three ponie saw the most ridiculous scene unfold.
“Parties are no picnic!” Pinkie exclaimed, with a murderous gleam in her eye.
“Oh I like a nice picnic party.” Replied the quiet yellow, with a serene look on her face. After a quick growl from Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy backed down in fear with a small yelp . Returning her gaze upon the birthday mare, Pinkie Pie continued.
“Parties. Are. Serious! And you have my certified Pinkie Party Promise that you will have the best birthday party ever!” Claimed the pink party pony as she shoved a cupcake into her determined filled eye. Realizing nopony was coming to her rescue, Rainbow Dash quickly agreed.
“Great! Now, who's ready to join this super duper party pony to plan this super duper pa-rty?” Asked Pinkie Pie with a complete three-sixty in her attitude.
Before anypony could reply, they heard a dark voice speak up. “I am.” Claimed an unknown voice. With a gasp everypony turned to the newcomer. Leaning on the side of a nearby house stood a lone pony, wearing a cowboy hat and poncho, on his back sat a rubber chicken wearing a bowler hat. With a blow of his party horn the mysterious pony stepped forward. In sunlight the ponies could clearly see his brown, puffy mane and tail, along with his orange coat.
“Who are you, stranger?” Asked Pinkie, granting a large smile at meeting somepony new.
The colt made himself known, “Name's Cheese Sandwich. I plan parties.” he stated with a look around.
“What an amazing coincidence! I'm Pinkie Pie, and I'm planning a party!” Pinkie stated with excitement clearly on her tongue.
“Oh, it's no coincidence, my little pony. My cheesy sense was a-tingling, telling me a party was in the works.” Stated Cheese Sandwich with a quiet voice.
The look of excitement on Pinkie’s face grew with every passing second. “A cheesy sense? Ah! Double amazing! I have a Pinkie Sense!” Pinkie all but yelled.
“Yes. I sensed you did. And I happen to be the premiere party planner in all of Equestria. If there's a party in need, there I'll be. Be it wingding, hoedown, hootenanny, or shindig, I'm your pony.” Claimed Cheese Sandwich, walking towards the group.
“A pair of party pony planners in Ponyville?! What can be more perfect?!” Pinkie finally exploded in happiness.
“ I'll tell you what -- making this party epic!” Rainbow finally intervened, eyes filled with excitement. “ 'Cause this isn't just any birthday. It's also the anniversary of when I moved to Ponyville!”
“Good heavens, Rainbow Dash. It's your "birth-iversary"!” Cried Rarity.
And just like that Twilight slipped from reality, “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, the anniversary of her move to Ponyville?! Great Twilight, you’re in a bigger predicament than before!” Thought the princess with worry.
The voice in Twilight’s head chose that time to comment.“What did I tell you.” The voice said chuckling. “You should have got her present a week ago, then you would be able to have fun with the rest of the ponies. Look, the new one is singing.”
“Hey, good-lookin', want some mayonnaise?” Asked Cheese with a huge smile, directing the question towards a pony who looked an awfully lot like him.
“Maybe we should leave before things get a little too, how should I say this, weird.” Rarity suggested with a look of confusion.
“Ah reckon that might be a good idea.” Agreed the farm pony.
Together the three friends began to head towards Sweet Apple Acres. “Fluttershy dear, would you like to come with us?” The fashionista offered. The shy pegasus refused, instead she chose to stay with Rainbow Dash.
As the three ponies left, Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy. “So is Twilight still looking for a gift?” She asked her friend with a chuckle.
Fluttershy giggled. “Yes, I even hinted that you had a gift in mind.”
“For such an egghead, she can sure be dense.” Rainbow sighed with a roll of her eyes. “Well I’ve got all day, we’ll see what she comes up with later. ‘Till then, C'mon, everypony! Let's party down with Cheese!” Rainbow yelled, flying with the crowd holding Cheese.
As the three friends headed towards Applejacks farm, the voice in Twilight’s head began to speak. “So, today is even more important to Rainbow Dash than you first thought.” It said in a mocking tone.
Twilight sighed, deciding not to reply to the voice. “Something wrong darling?” Asked the white unicorn in concern.
With a sad sigh Twilight began. “Yes! Today isn’t just her birthday anymore, It’s her ‘Birth-iversary’! Now Rainbow will be even more upset with me! Oooohhh I feel like such an idiot!” And with that Twilight’s face fell.
The two ponies accompanying Twilight shared a knowing look. “Do ya think we should tell her?” Asked Applejack with a whisper. Rarity put a hoof on her chin as if she was in deep thought.
“As much as I hate seeing a friend distressed like this, we promised Rainbow we would only push Twilight in the correct direction.” Replied Rarity in an equally quiet voice. “Let’s just try to cheer her up and giver her a few… ideas of what to get Rainbow Dash.”
With that the two ponies turned to a still downtrodden Twilight. “Twi, ah think ya may be makin’ a bigger deal outta this than ya should.” Applejack spoke with a supporting smile. “Knowin’ Rainbow, I can tell ya she wouldn’ care one bit. Cheer up, ah think what would be best is to just ask her. She probably has somethin in mind.”
“Applejack is right darling. Besides, what pony doesn’t like to receive exactly what they want on their birthday?” Agreed Rarity with a sly smile.
Twilight smiled in appreciation. “Thanks girls, but I don’t want to upset Rainbow . She might think I blew her off as not important.” She said with sigh.
“Ah suppose ya migh’ be right.” Agreed the cowpony with an unsure gaze. “Well there’s no use in talkin’ ‘bout somethin’ you don’t wanna do, but unless get something soon, you may just gotta tell Rainbow.”
“Yeah.” Twilight said through a sigh, growing silent. Rarity gave Applejack a quick glance of concern. The three ponies continued their path towards the farm, speaking very little. As the three friend passed by the gates onto the property, Applejack led them towards the barn.
“Well as ah told ya before, mah gift is a nice an’ simple gift basket.” Applejack explained as she entered the barn. She then dragged the two ponies towards the back of the barn. As they got nearer to the back of the barn, they could see a lone basket with two bottles with a big empty space in the middle. “A couple bottles of granny’s homemade apple cider, and a nice big pie ‘bout to come outta the oven. Rainbow is sure to appreciate this, and it didn’t cost a thing.”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin and stared in thought. After a few seconds of thinking the alicorn sighed. “What did you get her Rarity?”
“I created a simply amazing ensemble! A beautiful yet very aerodynamic flightsuit.” Exclaimed Rarity in pride.
“But I have no idea what I could make for her. I suppose I could pop something up with magic, but that basically show’s Dash that I don’t think she’s worth the effort.” Twilight said with frown, turning to leave the barn. “Thanks for the help girls, but I think I’m gunna go help with the party. Perhaps Pinkie has a suggestion.”
As Twilight left Applejack turned to Rarity. “Ya think we shoulda hinted a little better?” She asked with a raise of her eyebrow.
“Pffffttt, we could all but tell her and she wouldn’t have a clue. Let’s just give her a little more time.” Giggled Rarity, as she turned to leave. “Come on darling, we should help Pinkie Pie too.”
“It’s official, I’m royally bucked.” Twilight thought with despair. “What if Rainbow Dash feel’s offended? Then what if she decided I’m not worth being friends with and forgets about me?!” Twilight continued trotting, completely unaware of the purple dragon exiting the building to her side. “Ohhhhhhhh what should I-” Twilight never finished as her hoof hit something hard and warm.
“Ouch, watch where you’re going Twilight!” Cried a young voice. Looking down Twilight saw the familiar form of her personal assistant, rubbing his shin.
“Oh! Sorry spike!” Twilight quickly apologized. “Are you okay?” She asked.
“Ah it’s no problem Twi.” Spike assured with a wave of his claw. “But what’s up with you? Something on your mind?” He asked, seeing the saddened look on Twilight’s face.
“Urgh, I’ve been having trouble all day Spike. I’ve asked almost everypony and they all said the same thing. They want me to just tell Rainbow Dash I haven’t gotten her present yet, and I don’t know what to do. What would you do in this situation?” Asked the purple princess in despair.
“Personally? I would forget about stressing myself out and just ask her what she wants.” Spike helpfully suggested. “Besides, you know Rainbow Dash, would she ever just abandon a friend because of a little trouble with a birthday present?” He asked with a knowing gaze.
Twilight began to blush, slowly dropped her gaze to the ground. “No….” She said with shame, shame for ever doubting her friend. “You’re right spike, I’ve been stressing myself far too much over this..” Twilight said, giving her number one assistant a big hug.
“No problem Twi, but if you are still having trouble, why don’t you ask Cheese what he would get her.” Spike said, returning the hug. “After all, he is the premiere party planner. I bet he’s had to help loads of ponies with this problem, come on, it’s that way.” Spike said, hopping on top of Twilight and pointing towards the outskirts of Ponyville.
Twilight smiled and took off, heading in the direction Spike pointed. As she grew closer to the party area, she noticed the large amount of decorations. “Woah, Cheese sure knows how to plan parties huh?” She stated in amazement. Spike silently agreed with a nod of his head.
“Freeze, Cheese!” Twilight heard as she descended towards the group. “I challenge you… to a goof off!” Pinkie exclaimed with a murderous glare. Everypony gasped in shock at Pinkie’s challenge.
“Oh no! Not a goof off!” Whispered the yellow pegasus in shock.
“What’s a goof off?” Asked Applejack with worry on her face.
“I have no idea.” Fluttershy claimed with a giggle.
“This Cheese has stood alone a long time, Pinkie Pie. You think you can out-goof me?” Accepted Cheese Sandwich with a confident gaze.
“Oh, I don't think so. I know so! “ Claimed the pink party pony with anger filled eyes. “And the stakes are high, Cheese Sandwich. Whoever wins will be dubbed the ultimate super duper party pony and headline the Rainbow Dash birth-iversary bash!”
“And the loser?!” Twilight asked in awe.
“Doesn’t!” Cried Pinkie, causing all the ponies within the vicinity to gasp in surprise.
“So, are you in, Cheese? Or are you... boneless?” Pinkie asked with a taunting glare.
“Nopony calls me boneless.” Cheese replied, turning towards the rubber chicken on his back. “Right, Boneless?”
Pinkie grinned in success. “Then the goof off is on for high noon!” She yelled in excitement.
“Um, Pinkie? It's already 3 o'clock.” Twilight said with a small amused smile, completely forgetting her previous troubles once more.
“Oh. Oh, well then.” Pinkie said with a giggle. “Make it 3:10 to goof off!”
As everypony went to prepare for the goof off, Twilight headed towards her library. “Great, now I’ll have to wait to ask Cheese. Maybe they will sort it out and work together, that’d be best.” She thought as she landed in front of her library. She quickly ran inside towards the shelf labeled Rule Books.
As she entered, Spike couldn’t help but feel curious. “What are you looking for Twi?”
Twilight ignored him, continuing her search intently. “Aha! Here it is!” She yelled in excitement. Spike peaked over her shoulder to get a better look at the book she was holding.
“The Official Goof off Rule Book, Really?” The purple dragon asked as he looked at Twilight, who with a roll of her eyes turned to leave.
“I figured if I help push this along a little bit I’d be able to ask about Rainbow’s gift quicker.” She explained as she took off towards the center of Ponyville. As she landed, Twilight looked towards the clock. It read 3:09, she turned back to the road and saw the two party ponies slowly approaching on opposite ends.
“All right, everypony. According to my official goof off rulebook…” Twilight began.
“She actually has a goof off rulebook?” Rainbow asked incredulously, looking down at Spike.
“Are you kidding? She can find a rulebook for everything.” The dragon spoke in pride, before being shushed by Matilda.
Ignoring the small interruption, Twilight continued “The two competitors have free range to goof about -- be it by singing, dancing, playing, prancing, joking, or performing -- to make the judge chortle, chuckle, giggle, guffaw, hoot and holler, whoop it up, and party down.” She explained with a smile.
“She’s so pretty…” Thought a certain cyan pegasus in a trance. “Especially when she is being a huge egghead. so cu-”
“Rainbow Dash, since the winner will be headlining your party, you are the judge.” Said Twilight with another small smile.
Rainbow quickly blushed nervously. “Heh. Big tense competition on my birth-iversary. What could be better?” She stated with a small chuckle.
“Cheese, Pinkie, are you ready?” The alicorn asked with a glance at the two competitors.
“I was born ready!” Pinkie exclaimed with a confident glare.
Cheese returned the glare in equal. “I was ready before being born!” He stated.
“Then... Let the goofing begin!” Twilight yelled as she flew off the battlefield. towards Spike.
As the battle wore on Twilight couldn’t help but slowly drift away. “Today has been long on us hasn’t it?” Asked the voice in Twilight’s head.
“It really has, hasn’t it?” She replied happily. “And I’m so close to getting Rainbow’s present I can taste it.”
“I think that’s your wing.” The voice said with a quiet laugh.
Twilight giggled, but said nothing. In what felt like seconds the voice commented. “It looks to be over Twilight, time to get up.”
With a yawm, Twilight sat upright and looked around. All she could see was a giant pinata. As she stepped towards the crowd she could see Pinkie Pie walking away in sadness. “What happened?” She asked her number one assistant.
“Pinkie forfeited.” Spike said simply.
Twilight looked on in concern, Thinking only about her friend. “Come on, we need to cheer her up.” She said as she began making her way towards where Pinkie left.
“Where are ya goin’ Twi?” Asked Applejack as she noticed her leaving.
“I’m going to cheer up Pinkie, and I think we should all apologize to her. We did ignore her for Cheese Sandwich after all.” She stated, looking at the rest of her friends. “Me especially” She thought sadly to herself.
“You’re right Twilight, none of us paid attention when Pinkie got upset. We should have noticed when she got upset.” Rarity said in disappointment. “Come on, let’s go see her.”
With that, the five ponies made their way towards Sugarcube Corner. As they entered the shop, Applejack rang the bell. After a few seconds Mr. Cake came out of the back room.
“I’m guessing you girls are here for Pinkie?” He asked with a confused stare. When the ponies nodded Mr. Cake continued. “Well for whatever reason, Pinkie Pie claimed she wasn’t wanted in Ponyville anymore, and gathered all of her things. Could you tell me what’s go-” He never finished the sentence as the 5 friends rushed out the door. “Hey wait!” He called loudly, yet unheard.
As the three ponies made their way through Ponyville, they couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty. As they grew closer to the edge of the town they could see Pinkie slowly walking out. Rainbow sped up and landed directly in front of her. “Pinkie, wait!” She cried “I'm sorry I got all swept away by Cheese Sandwich.”
Pinkie stared in surprise. “We all are.” Twilight said with shame. As the rest of her friends apologized, she felt as though she should apologize too.
“No. I'm sorry I let my pride get in the way of you having the best birth-iversary ever.” Pinkie stated with a small smile. “Cheese Sandwich really is a super duper party planner, and he'll be a terrific headliner. I should've been a big enough pony to admit that and let you have your day.”
A smile began to form on Rainbow’s face. “But don't you get it? You're both super duper party ponies.” She said giving Pinkie a small hug. “Sure, Cheese Sandwich is a great guest party pony, but you're Ponyville's permanent party pony. Nopony could ever take your place, and we could never have a party without you.”
Just then a new voice spoke up. “Rainbow Dash is right.” As the ponies turned they saw Cheese sandwich step forward with a small frown on his face. “ I never meant to take your place in Ponyville. I just wanted to show you what a great party pony I am, Pinkie.” He said walking towards Pinkie.
Pinkie stared in shock. “Me?” She asked in a surprised tone, which is rare to hear from pinkie. “But why?”
Cheese looked towards the ground. “Well…” He said, before breaking into song. The other ponies rolled their eyes at the unconventional way to tell a story. After a few minutes of losing focus, Twilight came back to her senses hearing a yell from Pinkie.
“So I was the pony that threw the awesomely spectacular party that inspired you to become an awesome spectacular party thrower?” The pink party pony screamed in happiness.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Couldn’t he have just said it like that?” Thought Twilight. Just then Rainbow flew into the air. “Enough with the warm fuzzy stuff, you two.” She said with a grin. “It's my birth-iversary, and you gotta throw me a bash!”
They both grinned and jumped off to set up the party, While singing because that’s that psychotic ponies tend to do. As the next two hours flew by, the center of Ponyville was filled with laughter, music, and food. In the center of it all was a huge stage.
“All right, everypony! We are here to celebrate the birthday…” Cheese began, popping out from behind the curtain. “...and anniversary…” Pinkie yelled, joining Cheese with a grin. “...of Rainbow Dash!” They finished, as Rainbow Dash flew up behind them. “Hey, everypony! Who's ready to get their party on?!” She asked in excitement. “Hit it!”
As Pinkie began to sing, I noticed Cheese in the hottub. Just then, Twilight remembered her troubles of the day. “Oh no! The party is almost over, I may have time” Screamed Twilight in her head as she ran too Cheese. “Cheese!” She yelled, catching his attention.
“Princess? What can I do for you?” He asked with a smile.
Twilight took a deep breath to slow her breathing. “It seems like the third time telling somepony this but I pu-” She began.
“Pushed buying Rainbow Dash’s gift off, and now you are asking me for advice because you spent all day trying to find a present. And even though you put the effort in, you think she will get offended because you didn’t try hard enough?” He asked with a small knowing smile.
Twilight stared in shock. “B-But, how did you know?”
“Just a hunch. Happens to ponies all the time” Cheese stated, winking at a certain yellow pegasus a little ways away.
Twilight looked at the ground in sadness. “What should I do then?” She asked in confusion.
“Tell me, did you put effort into finding her a gift?” He asked warmly. Twilight nodded silently. “Then just tell her that, like your friends keep telling you. I’ve only known Rainbow Dash a few short hours, but from what I’ve seen, she wouldn’t mind one bit. Instead of telling yourself you failed to find a present, tell yourself you put as much effort as possible. I know Rainbow will see it that way, now you have to see it that way.” He said sagely.
Twilight just stared in surprise, expecting any answer but that. “Well I’ve got to get a move on, just think about what I said.” He told her, as he turned towards the tree Pinkie was under.
“He has a point you know.” The voice in Twilight’s head stated. As Twilight turned towards the party she couldn’t help but laugh. “What’s so funny?
“I have spent all day worrying for nothing. I was told at the very beginning to just speak to Rainbow Dash, I feel like such a foal” Twilight said with a giggle. “Come on, let’s go see Rainbow Dash.”
“Whatcha laughing at?” Said Rainbow as she appeared out of nowhere.
“Ah!” Cried Twilight as she shot into the air. “Don’t sneak up on me like that Rainbow Dash!” Twilight scolded as Rainbow continued to laugh hysterically.
“Lighten up Twi, it’s my birthday.” Rainbow Dash said with tears in her eye.
At that Twilight looked down. “About that…” She said quietly.
“Pffft, don’t worry about it Twi, I’ve known all day. All you had to do was come straight to me.” She said with a smirk.
“Wait, you knew?!” Twilight asked in rage. “Why didn’t you come to me and tell me, save me all the stress and trouble?”
“Because I wanted to see how much you cared for me. To see how much effort you’d put into getting me a gift.” Rainbow said with a blush, looking at the ground. “And to make your gift even more special.”
Twilight stared in confusion, she hadn’t even gotten Rainbow Dash a gift yet. “What do you mean Dash?”
Rainbow turned towards her cloud house. “Follow me.” She said as she began to fly. As the two made their way towards the cloud home, neither of them spoke.
“Looks like it’s finally happening. I can’t wait to see them together tomorrow.” Stated Rarity.
Fluttershy nodded in agreement. “They will make a cute couple.”
Rarity giggled. “Let’s go tell the other girls, they will simply love this.” She said as she trotted off to find her friends with Fluttershy in her wake.
“So what did you want to tell me Rainbow?” Twilight asked as she entered through the doors of Rainbow Dash’s house.
Rainbow stared for a few seconds before speaking. “All I want from you Twi, is a kiss.” Whatever Twilight as expecting, it wasn’t that.
“A kiss? Well, I don’t know what to say Rainbow…” Twilight said with a blush. Seeing the hopeful look on her rainbow maned friend, she had to agree. “One kiss.” She stated firmly. Upon seeing Rainbow’s face start to fall she quickly added. “For now.”
Rainbow Dash perked up at that. “Really? Ohthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” Rainbow yelled, throwing her hooves around Twilight. As she pulled her head back, she stared into Twilight’s eyes. “So, should we do it now?”
Twilight couldn’t help but giggle at that. “Well I don’t see why not.” She stated, slowly leaning closer.
“Close your eyes Twi.” Rainbow said, mere inches from her lips. As both of the mares closed their eyes, closing the final few centimeters, the same thought crossed their minds. “I can’t believe this is happening.” And at last, their lips met. With a feeling of pure bliss, the two ponies stood their for a minute in complete happiness. Soon enoough they both pulled away gasping for air. Twilight was the first to speak.
“I think I finally found the perfect gift.” The alicorn said with a giggle.
“Twilight, why don’t you stay the night?” Rainbow asked. “Just to sit on my couch and cuddle, maybe watch a movie.” She quickly added.
“I’ve never seen this side of you before Dashie, I kinda like it. Y’know, I will stay.” Stated the alicorn in a happy tone.
Rainbow laughed. “Well you should feel lucky, ‘cause your the only one who is gunna. Come on, my livingroom is this way.” As they made their way towards the couch, Twilight could feel nothing but calmness take over. As they made it to the couch Rainbow Dash sat down, offering the space up to her hopefully new marefried. “So, does this mean we’re dating?” Rainbow asked in confusion, as Twilight snuggled up to her.
“Well, let’s see how the first date goes, shall we?” And with that they spent the whole night on the couch, in pure happiness, thankful for the cheesey ending of the fic.
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Good story but a little rush for me though
but good still
4452852 Thank's man, glad you enjoyed it. I need to work on my pacing a bit.
Good story, a bit rushed but is ok, like it.
4453383 Thank's, glad you enjoyed. I will try to fix my pacing a little more.
Thank's for the feedback.
While it was interesting to have it happen during the Pinkie Pride episode, it was a tad distracting trying to relive the episode.
4454253 You really think so? I'll keep that in mind for future stories. ^^
Thanks for the feedback.
The build up was brilliant l loved it how you fit the story so well in to the episode.
The confession and climax however felt a little rushed, i'am no one to speak of this sense i did that my self on my first fic but it's just my thoughts.
On a rating point of view i'll give you a 8/10 not perfect but very well done.
~Tobben
Antagonist means the main opponent to the protagonist.
Protagonist being another word for the main character of a story.
4454720 Thank's mate ^_^ I'll work on my pacing in future stories
4455031 OH! Thank's mate, I thought I fixed that.
4456002
Glad I could help.
Great sory overall but a few errors here and there... The ending was rushed and might I suggest that you use italics for thoughts next time? It's kind of hard for me to understand who is speaking and who isn't. But overall, I'll give it a .....(drumroll)..... 8 out of 10.
-Fluffle
4458118 I thought I used Italics. Did I not? Thanks for pointing it out mate, I'll work on it.
real good. I enjoyed it quite a bit.
4596730 Thanks! It's my first fic so it isn't that good ya know? I may go back and rewrite it eventually. I am quite proud of it regardless. ^^
Not a bad idea. I really liked the story :) my only advice, that hasn't been offered by other people, is that you try not to start and end the story with fourth-wall breaks. They can be used well in the middle, but the start is what people judge a story by and the end is what people remember the story by. If you start a story with a fourth-wall break its hard to get into the plot. Anyways, keep up the good work! 4/5 :D
Instead of Rainbow Maned Friend.
Just lettin' you know.
4833273 well..... I need to edit that....
4834155
It's been like 5 months and you still haven't edited that.
They could hardly be said to have hinted at all. There were no implications about Rainbow Dash's feelings towards, and although I suppose you might have meant hinting that Dash had something she wanted her to do, they wouldn't have had the time to make a promise to her between learning that Twilight didn't have a present and leaving for the farm.
This is almost exactly what everypony else has been telling her. She gives up the position she's held far too easily, when it was the basic motivation for this story and what drew the reader into it in the first place.
She didn't battle against and overcome her worries; they just disappeared with Spike talked. She didn't look back over her relationship with her friend and reason out that Dash would never abandon her; she instantly agreed that she wouldn't, despite spending the whole chapter worrying about it and dismissing everypony who said otherwise. She didn't resign herself to asking Dash, hoping that Dash would forgive her or have a wish big enough to make up for not giving her a present; instead, she does a 180 and is eager to ask...
and not too long later does another 180 without anything to prompt her (and after wanting to get the goof-off over with so she could directly ask Rainbow, too), and dashes away to talk to Cheese. I will give you this, though--Cheese's advise was the best there, and one that makes Twilight's acceptance look natural.
Also, why didn't she ask Cheese instead of Pinkie? They just established that Pinkie Pie isn't the lesser party planner, and she knows Dash better.
Twilight can fairly be said to be one of the only ponies not to ignore Pinkie in favor of Cheese, because she had no interaction with either of them anywhere in the story up to that point. She left partway through the Premier Party Pony song and thus had no opportunity to see the upset Pinkie, and she arrived back in town just in time for the goof-off. Twilight had never even seen Pinkie Pie get upset.
Those are the big issues I see. There are some spots with grammar errors and awkward word choices, but I'm better at looking at how events impact the story as a whole than I am at finding errors.
Good choice of episodes to base this on, one of my favorites. Also, the opart with the kiss seemed a little fast paced - which is really an understatement - and cute. I'll give it
out of 
Mostly juat spelling errors