Not Who I Knew

Source

Twilight is surronded by ponies that look like her friends and act like her friends, but aren't her friends.

Cover art by Pyro-Paws:
http://pyro-paws.deviantart.com/art/MLP-I-m-Not-Crazy-384122490

Chapters (4)

Chapter 1 - You Aren't Real · 26th May 2014 · 1,059 words
1,059
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Chapter 2 - False Honesty · 30th May 2014 · 1,212 words
1,212
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Chapter 3 - Mask of Normality · 28th Jun 2014 · 1,200 words
1,200
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Chapter 4 - A Game of Identities · 22nd Sep 2014 · 1,262 words
1,262
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Comments ( 25 )

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Stellafera

Stellafera #1 · May 26th, 2014 · 3 · · Chapter 1 - You Aren't Real ·

That was... sudden. I like your writing style, but I'm kinda confused as to why Twilight's first reaction was to attack this "Spike Imposter". I see her questioning him, being suspicious of him, and trying to 'subtly' interrogate him, but not throw something at Spike. Quite a violent response that asks a lot of questions about how sane Twi is normally.

Otherwise, you have a solid grasp of the tone of each character's voice, something that's always good to see. Just a tad fast.

ValdimarGreen

ValdimarGreen #2 · May 26th, 2014 · 5 · · Chapter 1 - You Aren't Real ·

Hurray for capgras syndrome! The creepiest mental disease out there.

Mad Maudlin

Mad Maudlin #3 · May 30th, 2014 · 2 · · Chapter 2 - False Honesty ·

Skrulls! They're all Skrulls!

CarnivalImpmon

CarnivalImpmon #4 · May 30th, 2014 · · · Chapter 2 - False Honesty ·

so are they impostors or not? :rainbow huh: I guess I'll just have to wait and find out...

playnwin

playnwin #5 · May 30th, 2014 · · · Chapter 2 - False Honesty ·

4469644
That's the question, isn't it?

Changeling-Drone

Changeling-Drone #6 · Jun 28th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 3 - Mask of Normality ·

*snickers* pinkie is probably throwing a giant for for the "new ponies"

playnwin

playnwin #7 · Jun 28th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 3 - Mask of Normality ·

4610500

I wouldn't put it past her.

ramseymac

ramseymac #8 · Jun 28th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 3 - Mask of Normality ·

You walk into your home only to find that someone has replaced everything inside with exact duplicates.
What do you do?

pendrake72

pendrake72 #9 · Jun 28th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 - Mask of Normality ·

@playnwin...

excerpted...

“Ma’am, we’ll need you to come with us, for your own protection.”
Fluttershy looked meekly at the ground, The guardsponies had always intimidated her. She stepped beside the guards, who flanked her on either side. A few paces from the train station, Fluttershy cried out and came to a stop.
“Ow, I think I got something in my eye. Do you see anything?”
Both guards leaned in for a closer look. There didn’t appear to be
~~~
“I am so glad that you’re here, girls. Only one of us is left missing, but I have the feeling that she’ll appear where we least suspect. I’ve got something important to tell you all, but it’ll keep until Pinkie gets here.”

I am guessing that the underlined part of this chapter (3) I excerpted means a portion got cut off or deleted accidentally, since the last line sounds like Fluttershy managed to escape her escorts and join her fellow Elements Bearers.

playnwin

playnwin #10 · Jun 28th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 - Mask of Normality ·

4610886

Actually, that was intentional. It was a narrative technique to show the sudden loss of conscious thought that the guardsponies experienced. I apologize if this was unclear.

pendrake72

pendrake72 #11 · Jun 28th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 - Mask of Normality ·

4611797 ...

Then, if I might offer a corrective revision suggestion and lesson...

original version...

“Ma’am, we’ll need you to come with us, for your own protection.”
Fluttershy looked meekly at the ground, The guardsponies had always intimidated her. She stepped beside the guards, who flanked her on either side. A few paces from the train station, Fluttershy cried out and came to a stop.
“Ow, I think I got something in my eye. Do you see anything?”
Both guards leaned in for a closer look. There didn’t appear to be
~~~
“I am so glad that you’re here, girls. Only one of us is left missing, but I have the feeling that she’ll appear where we least suspect. I’ve got something important to tell you all, but it’ll keep until Pinkie gets here.”

revised...

“Ma’am, we’ll need you to come with us, for your own protection.”
Fluttershy looked meekly at the ground, The guardsponies had always intimidated her. She stepped beside the guards, who flanked her on either side. A few paces from the train station, Fluttershy cried out and came to a stop.
“Ow, I think I got something in my eye. Do you see anything?”
Both guards leaned in for a closer look. "No, ma'am. There doesn't appear to be-"
~~~
“I am so glad that you’re here, girls. Only one of us is left missing, but I have the feeling that she’ll appear where we least suspect. I’ve got something important to tell you all, but it’ll keep until Pinkie gets here.”

So the writing-lesson point is... The writing technique to showing interruption is to use a hyphen attached to a word mid-sentence or phrase (as shown above); or more often, cutting off a word mid-spelling ("No ma'am. There doesn't appear to b-").

Hope this helps clarify.

playnwin

playnwin #12 · Jun 28th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 - Mask of Normality ·

4611950

Maybe better now.

There didn't appear to b—
~~~

Traveler7

Traveler7 #13 · Jul 3rd, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 - Mask of Normality ·

Tis better now, at least in my own opinion... Let's see how this goes over folks. And can we get a bookie in here for bets on crazy versus stuff happening versus both?

Kodeake

Kodeake #14 · Sep 22nd, 2014 · · · Chapter 4 - A Game of Identities ·

Two words;

Capgras syndrome.

Sorry... I haven't even read this story, I just saw the description and had to make a guess.

playnwin

playnwin #15 · Sep 22nd, 2014 · · · Chapter 4 - A Game of Identities ·

5038694

Right on. I thought it might be fun to give Twilight Capgras. Then it turned into an adventure arc. What can you do?

Kodeake

Kodeake #16 · Sep 22nd, 2014 · · · Chapter 4 - A Game of Identities ·

5038720
It's a fun idea; I recognized this as easily as I did because I've been writing a similar story and I had to do literal hours of research for it. Psychiatry is always a fun angle to look at, if it's done correctly.

The Cynical Brony