An author, editor, and Star Wars extraordinaire. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.
The Writers' Group56,392 stories ·9,291 members
Rainbow Dash7,252 stories ·4,144 members
Fluttershy4,016 stories ·2,925 members
The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau49,223 stories ·5,457 members
Rainbow Dash is Best Pony3,007 stories ·1,063 members
The Self-Doubting Writers Support Group2,076 stories ·1,118 members
Fluttershy has a secret, and sneaks out of her cottage. Rainbow Dash follows her, and must face what she finds. Will she be able to handle what she finds?
Rated Teen for darker themes.
Cover Art by: Tankariffik
http://tankariffick.deviantart.com/art/Fluttershy-cutie-mark-metallic-wallpaper-318984888
Page generated in 0.088 seconds
Total duration
1,026 users online
1,930,629 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
All you need is a person to check the spelling and this story will be gold
Forgot to mention this in my other comment: not a fan of dash's final reaction, it seemed ughhh.... unrealistic
"If she’s asleep, I swear I’ll drop a cloud on her house.”
What, precisely, would that do?
4137241
My stories seem to have a life of their own. I had a good explanation planned out in my outline, but by the time I got to writing it, it didn't fit AT ALL! So I had to... improvise. It came out kinda odd.
4137972
Imagine a cloud of rain, condensed into a pillar of water. Fun, fun.
Hmm... The one part that didn't work for me was the blackmailing scene. Twilight Sparkle doesn't really seem like the kind of pony who would continue using that alicorn spell to keep her princesshood--it's not really in-character for her.
Wow, I really liked this story! When I clicked on it, I was expecting another murder fic of Rainbow Dash. The first part of the story I was like 'holy fuck, something is gonna go down' and clinging to the end of my seat as I read Rainbow Dash looking for Fluttershy.
And not to spoil the story, I was surprised with what Rainbow Dash found.
Moving on, the conversations were hilarious and serious when they needed to be. I was very much taken in by tension you had and the way they played with my expectations. I can't really explain how pleasantly pleased I was with your story! Kudos to your story! Keep it up!
When I read this I was reminded of this song:
4138172 I had a friend with that problem a while ago but he wasn't that good at improvising and had all his storys slammed, he wasn't that good at tasking critisisim either and stopped making storys , shame to he was really imaginative , mah spellung iz amazung
At one point I thought it would be something like: "Fluttershy actually still has fangs, she's a vampire and drinks blood..." yada, yada, yada... But it turned out it was something quite different. Good job for not being predictable.
4138379
Thanks! Every author loves to hear that someone enjoyed their stories!
4138491
That's oddly apt...
4139082
Every bit of criticism is just me getting better. I fully intend to continue writing. Thanks for the critiques!
4138369
I can understand that. Does that mean the rest was alright?
4139162
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/043/2/2/i_m_different___portal_turret_by_ikarwowski-d5uoo99.jpg
Jesus
Oh no! The Google docs importer dropped three paragraphs! Two from the ending! I'm sorry! I'll fix it when I get to my computer, I promise.
Was very good! I thought this would be a vampire thing too. Curse my bandwagonism!
All in all, at least it dropped the paragraphs strategically. Auto cliffhanger.
Okay, it's fixed now. More not-super-important transformations, but super-important explanation from Fluttershy.
4141594
The missing bits weren't the very end, but they're back. And the cliffhanger is still there.
In consideration, its comforting to know that if I ever find myself in Equestria, there will be bacon.
Sweet, sweet bacon.
4144030
I'd suggest a trip to Griffonia. They make more substantial foods than eclairs there. Bacon included.
I have a theory pertaining to this one-shot. Griffins are carnivores but they live alongside a vegan race like ponies so if we really think about it... this story can really be true in a way. It will explain why the cows at sweet apple aches have no problems with being stuck in a barn and milked by ponies, if it is an honor for them to be of use to others like the carnivore races when they are done with there lives then giving milk will be viewed in the cow society as the eqivelent of giving blood to save a life, they aren't forced to but they feel it is a great honor to do so. This might be how diamond dogs get there meals as well since it is kinda obvious they eat meat and the more civilized elder dragons might follow this tradition to, you may be asking why I think that but if you think for a second ponies fear dragons for the stated fact that they eat ponies, leading to the conclusion that as the dragon matures they gain a need for the extra protein that meat will give them.
Sorry for the long winded comment, I have a tendency to read a story and then psycoanalyze the contents in comparison to what canon equestria might be like if those fics existed... I sometimes follow this procedure without realizing it like right now
Well I have already wrote it, why not post it right? ...I remind myself of Twilight a little to much sometimes, looking for the logic in everything 
4314399
Thanks! I have a tendency to do the same thing, but rarely post it. And I never mind someone commenting on my stories. It is super important to me when I get comments, as I can never tell how good my own stuff is, so I rely heavily on thoughtful comments like yours to measure my stories.
So thanks for the comments! Enjoy, and feel free to comment anytime!
I liked it, EXCEPT for the blackmail scene. That seems horribly out of character for Dash, and even worse for Twilight!
5102941
Yeah, I get that a lot. It was just a random idea that I thought of (I needed a reason for Twilight to help), and so I decided, "Why not?"
An interesting idea, but the blackmail scene just kills it. Worse than it being out of character for both involved, it also creates so many logistical problems (if Celestia is just being nice to Twilight, why the whole coronation with everypony in Equestria in attendance?). Still, it's an intriguing enough premise and not something I've ever seen before, so you get kudos for originality.
5122030
You are not the first to mention the blackmail scene, and I understand why. Yes, it doesn't fit canon at all. I just found the idea of Twilight as an illegitimate princess amusing and it solved my "Why would Twilight agree to transform Rainbow" dilemma.
I hope that you liked the rest of it though.
5123987
I did.
I liked the blackmail scene......if that's okay with you..