The Ice Cream Island Challenge

After a stressful day of rehearsing with the Ponytones, and having included Sweetie Belle in her practice, Rarity takes her sister out for some ice cream, but when an argument at the restaurant ensues, the two find themselves in a contest to eat a huge dessert called the Ice Cream Island Challenge.

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Mix-Tape Mare

Mix-Tape Mare #1 · May 22nd, 2014 · 3 · ·

Okay, this is cute.

Just one minor issue: Your dialogue punctuation is almost right, in that you are ending characters' dialogue with commas instead of periods and treating dialogue-plus-dialogue-tag as a single sentence, which is exactly what you're supposed to do. (Yay! ) However:

"Thank you all for coming here today," She said, smiling to her friends, "and thank you, Sweetie Belle, for joining in."
"I want that, with extra sprinkles!" She cheerfully declared as Rarity wrapped her foreleg around her.

when you have dialogue followed by a dialogue tag, do not capitalize the first word outside the closing quote unless it's someone's name, or the pronoun "I" (which is always capital, of course). If it's a pronoun ("he", "she", etc.), or an attribution like "the waiter", it doesn't get capitalized:

"Thank you all for coming here today," she said, smiling to her friends, "and thank you, Sweetie Belle, for joining in."
"I want that, with extra sprinkles!" she cheerfully declared as Rarity wrapped her foreleg around her.

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