Weapon of Choice

Just once, Twilight Sparkle wanted to wake up one Saturday morning without the screams of total panic and chaos. She rolled over in bed again and threw the sheets over her head. Let the Mayor handle it for once. Seriously, what did that mare even do anymore? Even before Twilight became an alicorn, where was she when Ponyville was falling apart? If it was a real, genuine emergency some pony would-

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Of course. "Spike! Make that go away!"

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Spike!"

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"FINE!" Was it too much to ask that someone else solved the city-wide problem? Cadance and Shining Armor bailed her out that one time in Canterlot, but they were nowhere close now. And wasn't she a princess now? Wasn't it time for some pony else to step up, or did the royal authority to stay on the sidelines and let others do the dirty work belong to Celestia alone?

Twilight zapped herself down to her door and opened it. No pony was on the other side, yet the sound of pounding hooves grew louder. Applejack crossed her door, hooves carrying her side-to-side. "Applejack, what are you doing?"

"Ah don't know!" Her knees bent just enough to get her off the ground, carrying her back to the right. At the end of her trek, AJ spun around, flaring out enormous gold pants around her hind legs.

"Applejack, what are you wearing?!

"Ah don't know! Rarity's gone crazy. You gotta stop her, Twi!"

One good thing about Ponyville was that you never had to worry about missing the action. All you had to do was follow the ponies. Like clockwork, every time some disaster happened, every pony in town would flock to it like moths to a flame. Twilight sprinted for town square in the hope of finding one to follow, Applejack trailing behind her as fast as her crab walk would allow.

"HIYA, TWILIGHT!"

Pinkie Pie fell in step beside her as best she could, running with only her rear hooves. Her forelegs waved over her buffalo feather headdress. It was an intricate pattern. First, her legs made forty-five degree angles with her head. Next, they bent to touch the top of her mane. The rhythm concluded with her moving them to the side to form a crescent, then touching them overhead again as if she were diving into a pool.

Why could nothing this pony does make any sense? "And what are you doing?"

"No idea, but it's FUN! I gotta remember this one for my next party!"

A cream colored mare cut in front of Twilight's vision. The alicorn turned to follow her, quickly realizing the road led to Town Hall. The scene she saw there was pure mayhem. Ponies stepped, twirled, and gamboled about, all dressed in every color, hue, and style.

One pony in the mob stood out. Fluttershy pulled her hooves along the ground, yet moved backwards. One front hoof was covered in white, and her upper body was wrapped in a shiny red jacket. She stood and spun in place, ending with her gloved hoof between her hind legs and a blush on her face. "Fluttershy! Is that leather?!

The pegasus looked over to Twilight with a tear in her eye. "I-Is it...? Oh, please, NO!"

"Did you really think I would be THAT cruel, Twilight?"

There she was, sitting on the steps on Town Hall as calmly as you please. A flick of her hoof sent her stylized purple mane fluttering in the air. "Rarity! What's going on here?"

"I'm taking over Ponyville, darling."

Twilight blinked. "You're what?"

"I'm taking over Ponyville, darling. With this, " Rarity said, pointing to her chest. A red jewel set in an iron necklace hung from her throat. It was adorned with red wings and a black unicorn head.

"The Alicorn Amulet?" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Where did you get that?"

"Oh, Zecora gave it to me as payment for mending her cloaks. She goes through quite a lot of them."

"She just gave it to you? And you wore it? You know it drives whoever wears it insane!"

"Of course it does, dear! The voices in my head are telling me such wonderful things! There's one that wants me to cut off your wings and sew them onto myself. I call that one Geoffrey. He's such a lovely gent when you get to know him."

Twilight blanched. "Why would you-"

"I was a princess in a past life. Did you know that? At least, that's what the old gypsy mare told me. Although...hold a moment, dear." Rarity bowed her head and closed her eyes. "Did I make that up? Are any of you an old gypsy mare? No? I was a princess then? Good."

A voice shouted from above, "Stop talking to her and just blast her already!" Twilight looked up to see Rainbow Dash trapped in a pose, wearing a full suit with red necktie. Her right foreleg stretched out for an invisible something, and her other three limbs curled around her body as she soared in a circle through the air without the aid of her wings.

Rarity laughed a most evil laugh. "Oh, Rainbow, haven't you seen the power I wield? I have created from thin air! I have dominated the will of every pony and forced their bodies to only obey one command!"

"To dance like idiots?" Twilight asked.

Her friend's sapphire blue eyes burned with a fury Twilight never saw before. "To express! To create! I am surrounded by dregs, Twilight Sparkle! No pony in this one-mule town could hope to match me, so I shall make them do so!"

"At what cost?!"

"Oh, I've been waiting for this," Rarity snarled. "Now comes the 'Magic of Friendship!'" She paused and swooned, raising a foreleg to her forehead. "Oh, woe, how could I have done this to my friends?"

"To yourself, Rarity! That metal necklace with chafe!"

The light of truth spread across Rarity's face. Her eyes dropped to the jewel on her chest. A swipe of her hoof pulled the cursed necklace away. Light flashed behind Twilight Sparkle, and she turned to face the newly normal crowd.

"Was that so fucking hard?!"

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Noble Thought

Noble Thought #1 · May 19th, 2014 · · ·

I am so confused right now. Maybe it would make.more sense if I hadn't been at work all day and had a chance to look more deeply at the thread that spawned this story. Still, you got me to laugh at my favorite librarians antics.

Phone ramble off! Stupid keyboard.

Minds Eye

Minds Eye #2 · May 19th, 2014 · · ·

4415920
You know, when I saw the meta notification, I wondered who in their right mind would have favorited this. Glad to see it was you.

The idea was to post, just a post, and you looked at the last two digits of your post number. Then you checked the chart to see which pony you got. I got Rarity, so I kinda cheated making this more about Twilight.

Noble Thought