The Conversion Bureau: The Kid The Colt, And The Filly

This is the story of Alex, A kid in the world of the conversion bureaus from a child's perspective. What does it mean to say no? What does it mean to Cave into pressure?

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 12 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 12
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Cloudhammer

Cloudhammer #1 · Dec 4th, 2011 · · · Chapter 1 ·

An excellent start, couple minor grammar issues here and there, and maybe add a little more enviroment description, but characterization is nicely done.

Cloudhammer

Cloudhammer #2 · Dec 4th, 2011 · · · Chapter 2 ·

You may want to check your spacing, though don't know if that's FiMFic's doing or not. Otherwise another good chapter, and improved over the first in having more descriptions. Looking forward to Chapter 3.

Tonto the Trotter

Tonto the Trotter #3 · Dec 5th, 2011 · · · Chapter 2 ·

Nice hapter, I look forward to chapter 3 :).

Pencil Sketch

Pencil Sketch #4 · Dec 7th, 2011 · · · Chapter 2 ·

Agreeing with Cloudhammer. may want to fix the paragraph format. Justifying text works better in news articles than in actual story format.

Otherwise, you're doing alright.

And as for Gammon... where have I heard that name before? Hmm... Is he often victorious in Backgammon? Is he as spontanius as the brand of grenade? Are you a fan of the Welsh footballer, Steve Gammon? Or is it a clever homage to a certain cow that's often found dead in a bar in a city full of orcs, zombies, pretty boys, and other weird-lookin' folk?