“We have a unique opportunity here and there is so much to learn about,” Dr. Lethe said, drinking another cup of her so called ‘coffee.’
The foals were getting baths. The colts were in the common room, behaving themselves and being good colts. There was no point in upsetting Princess Luna, Dr. Lethe, and Holly. Noctilucent was at the kitchen table with Dr. Lethe and Princess Luna, looking stupefied and afraid.
“If it is a fragment of your mind, we have to find a way of subduing it and then putting it back,” Princess Luna said thoughtfully.
Noctilucent, upon hearing those words, lost all semblance to adulthood and began to howl in fright, which made Graves come running to the kitchen doorway, soon followed by the others.
“Give us a moment,” Dr. Lethe said kindly to the foals. “Noctilucent, be calm,” she soothed, reaching out with one bat-like wing and stroking her bird-winged species cousin.
Quirky pulled the foals away from the door and the trio were once again alone, Noctilucent still quite unsettled.
“I don’t want it back,” he gibbered. “No no no no no…”
“But it is a part of you,” Princess Luna protested while casting a sound proof barrier into existence around them in the kitchen.
“I don’t care, it isn’t a part of me I want, keep it away, I remember what it did, that is about all I can remember,” Noctilucent pleaded.
“But we cannot go tearing away random parts of your mind and tossing them away,” Princess Luna said, shaking her head.
“I DON’T WANT IT!” Noctilucent shouted. “I don’t want to live with that sort of darkness inside of me. Please don’t force me. I want to be happy.”
“Be calm,” Dr. Lethe crooned. “I agree with Princess Luna, but I also see your point Noctilucent. Do you believe this… thing might be what drove you to self harm?” the lunar pegasus questioned.
There was a nod from the solar pegasus.
The alicorn squirmed in agitation. “I went poking around in your mind looking for answers last night. I found trace memories of what happened. You started off as an adult. Your doppelganger began as a foal. And it kept creeping up on you and assaulting you. With each assault, it grew in power and size, and you diminished, becoming smaller and weaker. When I happened upon the dream, it was the adult and you were the foal,” Princess Luna explained.
“I find that very disturbing... Noctilucent, do you remember any of this?” Dr. Lethe asked, looking very concerned.
“No,” replied Noctilucent, “I remember nothing. I just remember what almost happened.” He shivered, trembling slightly, and took a brave shuddering slurp of the foul brown goo that Dr. Lethe passed off as coffee. It was strangely oily and slightly gritty.
“Well, if we cannot destroy it, and we cannot place it back inside of Noctilucent’s mind, what do we do with it?” Princess Luna asked.
“That’s a very good question,” Dr. Lethe replied. “We’ve never encountered anything like this before. I now have some concerns if there will be other doppelgangers that break off.”
“Are they part of a whole sound mind or are they like pus, drained from a cyst?” Princess Luna questioned, thinking out loud. “How do we treat them and what do we do with them? What is the moral and ethical thing to do?”
“We deal with them by early detection before they become powerful, cut them away, and then, I don’t know. How do you kill a psychological projection or manifestation of a psychological concept?” Dr. Lethe said, finishing off her words with a question.
“The breakdown in reality happens early on. I am creating wards to set off an alarm when that happens in the dream realm. I noticed my hoof step sounds were out of synch to my movements. When dream reality begins to warp, the alarms should go off, and we will be ready,” Princess Luna said, eyeing her own coffee cup warily.
“Noctilucent, you might feel weak, or believe that you are weak, and that you succumbed to suicidal urges because of weakness… but you are wrong. To be completely ripped free from the confines of one’s own mind and body, and to be tossed into another mind like that, very few beings have the mental fortitude to hold together their psyche, their spark, under that kind of strain. Most would scatter like dust to the wind. While Cactus Blossom comforted you, you held on to her and allowed yourself to be comforted,” Dr. Lethe explained.
“I was in an impossible situation, I did not know what else to do,” Princess Luna confessed. “I saw what was about to happen and I knew that something had to be done, even if it was the wrong thing to do. I could not risk losing you.”
“You did the right thing Luna,” Dr. Lethe reassured. “You trusted in Noctilucent’s strength.”
“Perhaps I did,” Princess Luna admitted. “I trusted in Cactus Blossom’s strength as well, and I am glad I did.”
“I will do anything you want, just don’t try to put that whatever it was back inside of my mind,” Noctilucent begged.
“Still bargaining I see,” Dr. Lethe cheerfully chirped.
The orphans were unusually subdued as Holly taught their daily lessons. They were quiet, they were attentive, and they occasionally shot worried glances at Noctilucent, who was reclining on a pile of cushions in the corner, Shortbread Cookie sprawled out beside him.
Lethe had departed, off to secure lodgings in town. She was determined to stay and make what might be the second most important case study in her career, the first being Princess Luna after her return.
Quirky had gone off to look after her own affairs, but only after she had planted a kiss on Shortbread Cookie and made sure that Noctilucent was alright.
Noctilucent sat in the corner upon a pile of cushions, feeling his body vibrate. He felt surprisingly good, awake, and aware. He pressed his nose into Shortbread Cookie and blew a raspberry, causing the foal to squeal and giggle which made him feel much better. The foal was a source of comfort and security for him, a little piece of sanity in what was becoming a trying situation.
Shortbread Cookie, what few thoughts she had, focused mostly on her new caretaker, taking comfort in his constant affections and wanting his touch. She squirmed and crawled over the cushion, trying to get closer to the pegasus, needing to be close. She crawled between his forelegs and collapsed against his chest, the place where she usually was suspended from. It was her safe place, and she took shelter pressing up against it.
After the events of the night before, the orphanage was at peace.
The famous Equestrian psychologist known as Dr. Lethe remained troubled. She was afraid of things she did not know, and this was certainly the unknown. Something new. One final case study, one final great achievement in her life. When Luna had returned, Lethe had been the one who had put her back together, one piece at a time, and Luna had been broken almost beyond repair. Separation sickness, caused from having been away from any sort of herd of ponies for a thousand years, guilt, trauma, fear, too many problems to list.
And Luna, being strong, had rebounded under Dr. Lethe’s care. The Elements of Harmony had restored her nature, but not her mind. It took a great deal of effort to repair over a thousand years of damage. But Luna had recovered, and, as she recovered, she wanted to make compensation for all of the harm she had done.
It had been Dr. Lethe’s own recommendations that had influenced the new suicide prevention program, her own work that had inspired Luna to make a sweeping change in how mental illness and suicides were handled.
Even with the unexpected issue, Dr. Lethe was confident that the new program held promise and would change the lives of so many. With new treatments came new problems, and Noctilucent was the first, although there were now others in the program as well. Already, Luna was taking steps to prevent any harm coming to the others under her care.
The militant preservation of life, a new stance to make up for all the lives she had taken away. Princess Luna’s recovery was now a full turnaround. Luna had once used her power to destroy the lives of so many, and now, she was exploring new ways to use her power to preserve life and heal minds, such as the foal known as Arroyo.
The sun beat down mercilessly upon the nocturnal creature as she surveyed her new home. It was small on the outside, although that meant little as most of it was probably underground. She was going to have a roommate, but she didn’t mind. She was also going to have to foalsit, but she didn’t mind. Lethe loved foals and foal psychology was one of her many doctorates.
She turned and walked up the pathway of the home of one Quercus Alba and Shady Patch, having accepted Quirky’s invitation to stay with them after having no luck finding anything else.
To Merriweather,
I think I finally understand what I have done to do you, and for this, I am honestly filled with regret. You liked me, maybe loved me, you trusted me, and I placed you into a position where I could take advantage of your trust.
My eyes have been opened recently, in several ways actually. I have been placed in a position where I have no other choice but to trust somepony for my well being, something that frightens me a great deal. If somepony was to betray me, as I once did to you, I think it would destroy me.
Noctilucent crumpled up the paper and pushed it aside. Merriweather had been raped he thought to himself. I was only almost raped, and it isn’t fair to her to compare the two he added internally.
Noctilucent found he had some very different perspectives now.
Shortbread Cookie was being fed a bottle by Holly and Noctilucent had some time to kill. His emotions were raw and he struggled to stave off his depression. Princess Luna was still nearby, spending time with the foals before their afternoon nap. He watched her closely. Real enough she had said. There was no way she could have arrived here by chariot, and Noctilucent knew that she could not actually be spending the whole day here in an orphanage. She was a Princess. She had things she had to be doing.
What he was looking at had to be a projection of some sort. Something not real, but real enough. Part of him still wanted to be angry with her, to use this as an excuse to be angry, that it was only a projection she had sent, and not her real self, but a more rational part of his mind silenced that anger and was appreciative of the fact that she clearly loved him and the foals enough to devote this much energy and effort towards watching over them all directly, splitting herself between locations. Surely that took effort and was no easy task.
He took up his pen and began again.
Dear Noctilucent,
I wish I could find a way of letting you know how badly I feel for abusing your trust. You were my friend, you might have even loved me, we were close enough to be intimately involved, and I preyed upon this closeness. I took away your right to choose, and left you in a situation where the choices were made for you.
Noctilucent stared, realising he had written his own name. He swallowed a few times, trying to comprehend what he had written, and the parallels between himself and Merriweather. He felt a cold sweat all over his body and his frogs began to itch.
He felt sick.
The room began to spin around him, he felt light headed and faint. He wondered briefly if this was nerves or Dr. Lethe’s coffee trying to kill him. Just as he thought he was about to fall over, he felt something brush up against him.
“I felt something wasn’t right,” Cactus Blossom said, her voice unsteady and unsure. “I don’t know how I knew it, but you aren’t well.”
Noctilucent steadied at Cactus Blossom’s touch. He pulled her close, hugging her, taking comfort as she wrapped her forelegs around his neck and squeezed back.
“Interesting. She has a ‘Cactus Sense’ and knows when something is wrong,” Princess Luna observed, watching the foal squeeze Noctilucent from his stupor. “I can feel the subtle magic happening. I know of another earth pony with subtle magic, and she too has a powerful sense.”
The other foals stared at Cactus, aware that the events of last night were going to be the source of many changes.
I'd bet she's the most huggable Cactus in all of Equestria.
Edit: Does the earth pony thing from The Chase apply here?
4451640
I dunno. I keep thinking about it. I want it to be that way. But then, I have to explain everything for people who have not read The Chase.
And that's daunting.
Shit always goes to hell when someone uses the wabbajack.
That feeling when you really want to stab someone.
This is becoming more and more interesting. Wonder how they're going to subdue that doppelganger.
Wow. I've never experienced the timing perfection of getting an email alert about a fic update the instant I was reading the previous update's author's notes.
That said, I'm very interested in where this is going. The new arrival, however--Lethe--almost strikes me as a doomed character, which is mildly distressing. She's one of very few who willingly stands up to Luna when she feels the greater wrong would be remaining silent. Explains why Luna keeps her around. I like her.
Luna is being quite the busy breezie, and it's good to see she's more than capable of tending so many irons in the fire.
Keep it up!
4451660 I already kind of feel that The Chase should be recommended reading for this story. The acceptance of perspectives it gave me has been invaluable.
4451770
Oh Goddess, I've been awake for too long.
Thanks...
I feel really emotional all of a sudden.
4451674 true that
4451660 i believe you should keep it separate, other wise it will strain you too much trying to keep everything the same between the two lore wise
4451660 I can't even begin to imagine
4451757
That's the meat of the story, ain't it?
Unstoppable, unkillable, what to do what to do...
4451779
Perhaps you could say that the stories are in the same universe, in the author's notes or something. That way people know that the same rules apply here that apply in The Chase, but that this isn't necessarily a sequel of the Chase.
thank you for another excellent chapter.
only sticking point - beside that im out of a job as a volunteer reviewer
"no point in upsetting (both) Princess Luna, Dr. Lethe, and Holly" - both, there are three ponies mentioned.
I've been operating under the assumption that the rules from "the chase" were still in play and see no reason why that shouldn't remain true.
To officially incorporate them however, I'd run with the "it just works" paradigm. Nocte is not Bucky, and while Bucky would care about "what earth ponies do" Nocte doesn't really have room for that kind of stuff yet. Literally you could have someone (Luna/Holly/Quirky/Lethe) go, "You. Go hug Cactus...trust me, it will help." and then he does and it would and that's all you need
Dayum! You sure do update often. I really like where this story is going!
4451970
I wouldn't care if kudzuhaiku did this, as long as it's not important to the plot. "The Chase" doesn't interest me, and it's way too long to read just for some lore.
Interesting I am starting to see the root of the problem. Noctilucent's doppelganger, if thats what we're calling it, I believe is the manifestation of his guilt. It is the brute that he believes he is, son of a brute father, stopped minutes away from doing the very thing his brute friend had done. I don't believe that it has gone out of his mind, or if it has it will continue to manifest as long as the guilt remains.
Sorry, I had to watch this.
it
Put a comma between "returned" and "Lethe"
Drop an "of"
Well then... I'm happy. A lot of times when a writer increases quantity they will sacrifice quality, but you have managed to continue this story beautifully. I still want more Quirky, but I'm loving the developments as they arise. So... thanks for another great chapter!
4452281 By now I'm pretty sure we all want more Quirky.
4452143 I'm jelly of how fast he updates. I could do it myself but I have some writers block and cannot figure out an ending for my current fanfic. I also need to rewrite a bunch of it.
I just had a thought. Is this how Luna's Nightmare was created? Her dark emotions eating away at her, bit by bit, until it was strong enough to completely take her over?
You are easily one of the most skilled and committed authors on this site. Thank you for your wonderful content.
I love your story, but whenever you talk about Lethe I don't visualize your character. Instead I see the Lethe from this story: Enter Nurse Luna.
kubler-ross grief cycle: bargaining phase (here already?)
judging by the kubler-ross: he's going to be really sad next
after that he's going to be accepting his fate and possible getting his true butt mark back
4452389
Sounds plausible, except in this case it didn't want her to die, just to majorly change tack. 'Take her over' is a bit of a stretch, since it would still be her, technically. I think it's more like giving in to a temptation than anything here. In a sense, for Noctilucent the temptation is to continue to feel guilty, and believe that he doesn't deserve to live. He's still trying to find an external reason to justify his existence, so I suppose inward peace is necessary. I'm not sure what the adult/child (what's the right word...) thing is about. There is clearly some significance to that.
4452362 Well I'm glad I'm not the only one!
4453008 Finally! I see another who has an idea where this story may be going.
THANK YOU! This is something I am damn happy to see someone else address.
The last letter... It was from doppelganger? Or from Noctilucent's subconscious?
your like the most badass author.
updates every single day!
Great stories too!
I wanna snoot bump the shiz outa ya
4451860
Same way Abe Lincoln destroyed his enemies?
Team Luna: "We can rebuild him; we have the psychology."
4454602 Godammit, I was gonna say that!
I wonder if that doppelganger of Noctilucent is the darker side of his nature, presenting itself in his dreams because it can no longer act on its own accord.
Any thoughts?
4456882
Thanks.
You might like The Chase as well.
He felt a cold sweat all over his body and his frogs began to itch.
Fetlocks?
4457236
Frogs. Google horse frogs.
4457236 I personally consider the Equestrian frog as per this extract from a crossover of mine:
Maybe that'll help.
4457259
Well I learned something new today.
4457482
Google was significant enough, but thank you.
4456498
Oh no, dear Candlejack, you are wro~
Interesting developments.
4458879 um, no, he's not wrong.
You are just another one of those self-entitled idiots who think that they know the story better than the author. I don't know what you classify as 'normal questions' but those certainly weren't normal. You, like some others who read Kudzuhaiku's fics, got so wrapped up in your own ignorance that you ignored what he said in his comments and what was happening in the story, and then started labelling the characters as things that they are not.
You people amaze me sometimes.