Chapter 11
Princess Luna took a moment to take in her surroundings. She knew this place, knew it all too well, and immediately felt pain upon recognition. She stood in a long hallway, a distorted long hallway, leading to a door that was not well squared. The top was wider than the bottom, and the entire thing tilted off to one side. Nothing was flush. Not here.
She walked down the hall, knowing what she would find before she even opened the door. The stench of death filled the air, and there was an unpleasant chemical tang that burned her nose.
Her hooves made no noise as she walked down the long misshapen hallway towards the badly distorted door. She shook her head sadly, wishing she could do more for the troubled soul beyond the door.
She pushed open the door and stepped inside the room.
Before her was small grey donkey foal staring at the partially dissolved corpse of his mother. Her stomach had burned open, spilling out her insides all over the bed, and she had vomited out some of her internal bits before she had died. The room reeked of death and drain cleaner.
“Graves, why are you here yet again?” Princess Luna asked.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” Graves replied, not bothering to turn around and look at Luna behind him. His barrel heaved with a sigh.
“You keep torturing yourself Graves. Come away with me,” Princess Luna said soothingly.
“Really, this isn’t what it looks like… I came to say goodbye. I can’t do this anymore,” Graves explained in a raspy voice.
“Saying goodbye is important. Letting go is good,” Princess Luna said, moving forward to sit down beside Graves.
“I just wish I could stop hating her, but I can’t,” Graves confessed, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
“You will learn to let go in time, at least that is my hope,” Princess Luna said comfortingly, placing a wing around Graves and trying to console the excessively depressed donkey foal.
“Look at her. She was smart. Like me. But she did something so stupid, how could she do something so stupid?!” Graves shouted.
“Sometimes, you hit a bad point in your life and it becomes so easy to make mistakes,” Princess Luna said, shaking her head.
“Like Noctilucent,” Graves replied. “He made a mistake, didn’t he? He did that to himself, didn’t he? The pony that hurt him was him, wasn’t it?” Graves asked.
Princess Luna sat silently, and did not reply.
“He is insufferably patient and nice… how could he do that to himself? I don’t understand. He is infuriatingly kind. I don’t see how it is possible,” Graves muttered, shaking his head, leaning a bit into Princess Luna’s side. “My mother was selfish. I could see this coming from her. I was a burden. I was dead weight. I was in the way. I was another mouth to feed… I don’t understand how Noctilucent could do this to himself. He doesn’t seem to have it in him to bring harm to anybody.”
“Graves, I was worried that you would figure this out. You must not tell the others about what he has done. It would undo much hard work. Yes, Noctilucent did harm himself. He reached a very bad place in his life and felt that there was no other way out,” Princess Luna confessed.
“I give you my word as a donkey that I won’t breathe a word,” Graves promised. “I don’t think I have it in me to hurt him,” he added.
“Thank you, Graves. Now come on, let us be away from here,” Princess Luna said, rising to her hooves.
Graves stood, and peered at his mother’s body. “Goodbye,” the donkey foal said as he glared at his mother’s corpse. He then turned around and headed for the door, Princess Luna following after him.
She followed him through the door, and, as the door closed behind them, Princess Luna knew that Graves would not return. She took a measure of comfort in knowing that Graves had taken the first big step down the road to recovery.
Even as she attended to both Noctilucent and Graves, she looked after others as well. She turned herself into a foal and played tag with Biscuit, after finally coaxing him out of his mental hiding space. She watched a sunset with Cactus Blossom, who enjoyed sunsets a great deal. Cactus Blossom had also been exceptionally chatty, even more so than her usual self, discussing Noctilucent and how nice he had been to Candy Corn. As the both of them watched the sun sink over the horizon and the first star of the night came out, Cactus Blossom made a wish when she saw it. She refused to tell Luna what her wish was, but Luna already knew. Time spent with Candy Corn was soothing, there was a long walk through a lush green wood, a place where the sun was not so scorching, and the air was moist and cool. Sassafras dreamed of flight, as she always dreamed of flight. More than anything else, Sassafras wanted to fly.
Princess Luna placed a great deal of effort into her time with Arroyo, carefully undoing the many mental blocks and trying to untangle his underdeveloped mind. It was a frustrating task that took much effort to get a return, but Luna was determined to get him to a functional level no matter how long it took. Luna’s ability to heal the mind was only limited by her imagination, willingness to repair, as well as time and effort. She had saved Arroyo from a life of mental retardation, and now, she was determined to restore him to full normality even if it meant creating each and every new brain connection herself, one at a time. Arroyo was the first, and Luna perfected her technique slowly, hoping that one day, she would be able to restore others who suffered in similar ways.
Holly Heartwood lay on her bed, awake, looking at the foal by her side. Her entire life had been foals, and now, as she matured into middle age, she wondered who was going to take her place. She couldn’t do this forever.
The foal emitted yet another foul smelling belch that was redolent with the reek of rotten eggs, causing Holly to sigh in frustration. Even the special formula was not sitting well.
“I think somepony loves you, maybe, just a little bit,” Holly said to the foal.
The foal did not respond, it lay there: blinking occasionally, looking uncomfortable. It burbled and blew a spit-bubble, which popped, spattering the immediate area with drool droplets.
“You are going to make me go through all of the trouble of finding a wetnurse, aren’t you?” Holly asked the foal as she prodded it with her nose. “This town is full of the very old and the very young, and there are very few that live in the middle,” the mare explained as she gave another loving nuzzle to the foal.
Holly’s ears perked, listening for the sounds of wakefulness coming from the other room, and heard nothing. Her charges remained in peaceful slumber. The orphanage was in a state of complete peace and quiet, and the matronly mare treasured these moments.
In his room, Noctilucent awoke from a troubling dream that he could not quite remember. He was almost certain he had been dreaming of Luna. And it had been raining. He felt a hot flush travel through his body. He did not understand his current feeling nor could he explain it. He rose out of bed, stretching slowly and carefully as he got up, and then shook himself gently, trying not to disturb his wing, which ached. The painkillers were not much of a help. They took away the burning sensation, and little else.
He stepped cautiously into the hall, smiled at Holly as he passed, and made his way into the bathroom. He quietly took care of his needs, ran his muzzle under a faucet, snorted a few times at his own reflection, and then left the bathroom. Creeping quietly, he made his way upstairs, went through the common room, into the supply room, and, once in the supply room, he gathered up some sheets of paper and a pen.
He returned to the common room and sat down at a table, the pen and the paper in front of him, looking thoughtful. His thoughts drifted to the foal downstairs, laying at Holly’s side.
“I miss my little cookie,” Noctilucent mumbled to himself, rubbing his blue ear with his good wing.
Using his magically prehensile wing feathers, he carefully took the pen into his grasp and applied it to the paper.
Dear Merriweather,
I don’t know if you remember me, but my name is Noctilucent. I was there that night. I have been thinking about you. I wanted to know if you were well. I wanted to say I am sorry for the part I played. I never wanted this to happen. I am still eaten alive by guilt.
He crumpled the paper into a small ball and batted it away from him with his hoof, scowling. That wouldn’t do at all. A brief lash of self-loathing fell upon his shoulders, causing his body to tense with physical pain from an emotional manifestation.
Dear Merriweather,
My name is Noctilucent. I don’t know if you remember me. I am the horrible monster that lured you in for drinks, got you drunk, and then ran away so my best friend at the time could rape you and
Noctilucent stared down at his unfinished letter, realising this was going to be harder than he thought. Feeling another lash of self-loathing, and a second lash of self anger, he crumpled up this letter as well, feeling the hot sting of tears in his eyes.
No, not here, not now, I have done enough crying lately he said to himself. He wiped at his eyes with his fetlock, grabbed another sheet of paper, and tried again.
Hello Merriweather,
My name is Noctilucent, and, at one time, I wanted to be your friend. I worked hard to earn your trust. And then I betrayed that trust. I took advantage of that trust, getting you drunk, and then I abandoned you when my friend decided to rape you. I feel awful for leaving and doing nothing. I wish I had done something. I had strong feelings for you but no maturity. I was young, and I was stupid, and I thought getting you drunk was a good idea.
The pen fell to the table with a clatter and Noctilucent felt more tears threatening to fall. He snatched up the paper and began ripping it to pieces. It was in the middle of his tantrum when he felt something warm and slightly damp touch his back.
“GAAAuuuaaaAAAH!” Noctilucent gasped, almost leaping up on the table.
“I’m sorry!” Cactus Blossom apologised. “I can’t see and I bumped into you! I woke up and Holly sent me up here to check on you and I heard the pen scratching over the paper and I followed the sound and I didn’t know you were there and hhmmmffflumf”
The foal was cut off when Noctilucent snatched her up in a fierce hug and squeezed her as hard as he dared. Cactus Blossom struggled and squirmed to get her face free.
“Is that all you got? I’m an earth pony, I can take it!” she challenged.
Noctilucent hugged a little harder, feeling the tears finally break free.
“So what were you doing?” Cactus Blossom whispered, getting a foreleg free and stroking Noctilucent’s face. “You’re crying, that’s not good,” she said, feeling tears.
“I was trying to write a letter to apologise for something horrible that I’ve done,” Noctilucent admitted. “And I can’t seem to find the words.”
“Oh,” said Cactus knowingly. “I screw up a lot. I don’t apologise much or even mean it much when I do, so I don’t know how to help you,” she added, pressing her cheek against Noctilucent’s damp face.
“I want her to know how much it hurts me, knowing what I’ve done, but I don’t want to take away from her pain, by placing my own pain above hers,” Noctilucent explained.
“I don’t really understand,” Cactus Blossom replied. “But that’s okay. Even if I am lost, I can be here for you.” She wrapped her forelegs around the pegasus’ neck and squeezed. “Maybe just tell them how you feel. Spend some time ‘splaining ‘zactly how you feel, let them know that you feel bad, and then ask them how they feel and tell them to write you back because you want to know how they feel…” the foal explained, thinking out loud.
“That seems reasonable,” Noctilucent snuffled. He could feel the slow breathing of the foal clinging to his neck.
“Holly is going to think I did something awful to make you cry,” Cactus muttered in worried tones. “Ponies always seem to be crying when I am around, and usually it is because of how I smell.”
Noctilucent tried to cry and laugh at the same time, which caused him to hork, cough, and chortle. “You’re awful,” he whispered.
“I know,” Cactus confessed. “Now shut up and feel better.”
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This just keeps getting better and better. I love that you're updating so frequently.
Yes, ma'am!
mlpchan.net/pony/src/1371834867401.png
4430503
If you are careful, you will notice that she shouted about being sorry...
And then a moment later explained that she rarely ever means it when she says she is sorry.
4430506
She's still awesome.
Agreed. I also enjoy the psychology involved in it. Looks as if someone did/doing well in their course!
I think he is growing unhealthily attached to the foal.
At the end of the chapter, I felt that Cactus was very out of character. I enjoyed this part of her..
but I feel that it would have been better placed here if Noc. had his breakdown with Biscuit.
Biscuit simply saying "It's okay" would have been awe inspiring.
Well that was oddly familiar. (incident with Graves)
4430545
Cactus is chaos personified. She cannot be relied upon for anything. Even Discord would think she was delightfully random.
She is an obnoxious jerk that loves her best friend Candy.
Another good chapter. No noticeable mistakes, but how on earth do you manage to put out so many chapters? It takes me about a week or more to finish pounding out the details of one of mine. I hate to admit it, but I'm a bit jealous.
i like the physiology side of this story, really awesome
4430575
I am also updating The Chase today, and maybe something else as well.
She took a measure of comfort in knowing that Graves had taken the first big step down the road to recovery.
It just feels like this should be two sentences, with a period between that and graves. I just cant figure out how to write it right now
Just another way that I becomeing a greater fan of your wonderful work.
4430564
I kinda got the feel that Catcus is like alot of kids in her position. Wise beyond their years, if only for short spans of time.
So... Cactus is Completely In character, at least in my perspective.
4429457
One of the problem's I have with Luna is that her "solution" to suicidal ponies is somewhat on the order of Twilight's way of resolving her issue with finding a friendship problem in Lesson Zero. Keeping someone from going crazy and having an easy way to off themselves is very different from compelling them to do something or using them as extra staff for a personal project.
4430545
Unhealthy attachment? I'd call it an obsession, maybe he figures this will make up for his other screwups? I don't know what to think.
4431166
Step one: Take a life with no purpose.
Step two: Search subject's mind, plumb depths of soul, see the full potential they cannot see.
Step three: Give subject new purpose, and gently introduce them to a better life, one that is fulfilling and will give them reasons to go on, while getting them the help that they need to heal past mental hurts.
Step four: Watch subject grow, adapt, and become a whole mind again.
Step five: Study everything you have done, apply it to next subject, refine process.
4431179
Step One: Decide that you should be in charge of someone else's life/existence
Step Two: Invade Mind, Dig Around
Step Three: Brainwash Subject / Employ Subject To Do Your Will (minionize)
Step Four: Observe Results of Steps 1-3
Step Five: Acquire New Experimental Subject, Apply Refined Procedure
4431463
Sigh.
Do I need to discuss the difference between a subject and a citizen again?
Equestria is a demesne. The diarchs rule absolutely. The ponies are subjects. Not citizens. They are not free citizens, but subjects, meaning property.
Your western values do not apply here. I know it is very difficult, but try to see this from a different perspective. Imagine if you were everypony's mother, and you had to do what was best for your children.
Would you let your kids go off and play in the road because they had free will and deserved to play in the road?
Edit. Technically, since the enactment of the patriot act, the US peoples could technically be subjects.
Graves really is a smart little donkey. He figured out what Noctilucent did to end up at the orphanage. I forget, did we find out what is Arroyo's story ?
4431591
Basically, fetal alcohol syndrome. And yes, it is mentioned, but not in those words.
Some corrections:
You keep torturing yourself, Graves. Come away with me,
Thank you, Graves.
and now
self-loathing
and
thentried againThe foal did not respond; it lay there
I can't see
You're crying. That's not good, (Maybe. It definitely shouldn't be a comma.)
This seems unnecessary. There were already a couple times in this block that told us who was talking.
Uh...what?
As always, loved the stuff with Graves. Luna's summary-of-dreamwalking, less-so. I'm glad to get more character development with Blossom and to see the real rationale behind Noc's feelings in chapter 9. I...didn't really enjoy that segment of chapter 9, by the way; it just seemed too intentionally vague. Also, in this chapter, I think the whole "physical manifestation" thing is a bit gratuitous; he doesn't need to have hallucinations for his pain to be "real", and I think both uses f it could be removed without detracting from the story. But that's just me.
Anyway, I've ranted enough for this week. It's been a long week. I look forward to more.
4432089
I'll work on those in a moment.
Hork- To vomit, belch, or cough in a manner that causes nausea.
4432106
Ok. I had looked it up at http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/hork before posting (which, by the way, claims it's slang); I wasn't sure which meaning you were going for, though there were a few strong candidates.
Also, nice new cover art there! And, we get to see Noc, too.
4432141
Yeah, Noctilucent is feeling a little blue.
That was adorable! Also I'm really proud of Graves... also I forgot to say last chapter that your new cover art is great! Also! wait no... that's all.
4431485
As you wish, but you've not given me a whole lot of reason to believe that kind of thing and the show canon doesn't provide a whole lot of suggesting material I have no reason to think it works that way. In fact, the way things seem to work in the show suggests that Equestria's department is in fact something resembling England's parliamentary monarchy, regardless of what it is in name, especially in the trappings department. For what it's worth, alternate universe implies some degree, generally high, of similarity to the prime one.
Also, as far as I'm concerned the whole point of the 'declaration of the rights of man' and the declaration of independence is that it the "values" espoused have nothing to do cultural value and everything to do with intrinsic rights. While this is regarding humans, all evidence has show pony society to be much like human society and so it follows that, given the former assumption and that ponies are an intelligent species that by know something similar has occurred in Equestria.
Also, I would consider Luna's actions morally and ethically questionable so whether she is legally entitled to such has no bearing.
P.S. It's hard to say, not having read it, but I believe the Patriot Act to be highly suspect.
That last line had me rolling! XD
“Oh,” said Cactus knowingly. “I screw up alot.
3.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/S8TTPQCPA6I/AAAAAAAACwA/ZHZH-Bi8OmI/s1600/ALOT2.png
Here's the way I interpret Luna's actions. I believe she sees life as a gift. Now I know Luna is not a goddess in the traditional sense, so we can't say she's "responsible" for "creation". (My head-canon is that Celestia and Luna are more like Demi-gods) By committing suicide, Nocticulent showed himself unworthy of the gift of life. Luna is allowing him to experience a new life and a new purpose. She might give. Nocticulent his will back, but he must prove worthy of it. He also has to work through his own self-doubt.
(I'm kinda using Christian philosophy here. If I'm applying something wrong, I mean no offense)
Just read through the entire story in like 5 hours, mate.
Lemme say first off, just as an FYI, I am loving this.
However there are MANY mistakes, but I'll overlook 'em. After all, there's no such thing as perfect.
Keep up tah good werks, m8.
4434313 The title was plural. We're still on one.
4435558
The foals are also seeking solutions as survivors.
Plus, they are a solution unto themselves.
Keep Going.
i.imgur.com/5I3uz3x.jpg
Good statement.
Usually the opening and closing of the letters are the parts you most remember, so maybe if he began with her pain, discussed his in the middle and then went back to hers in the end, it would work.
I foresee the foals finding the disposed letters in the bin, leading to some interesting conversations.
Oh man... Her last words...
She's gonna be helluva awesome friend.