“We have a unique opportunity here and there is so much to learn about,” Dr. Lethe said, drinking another cup of her so called ‘coffee.’
The foals were getting baths. The colts were in the common room, behaving themselves and being good colts. There was no point in upsetting Princess Luna, Dr. Lethe, and Holly. Noctilucent was at the kitchen table with Dr. Lethe and Princess Luna, looking stupefied and afraid.
“If it is a fragment of your mind, we have to find a way of subduing it and then putting it back,” Princess Luna said thoughtfully.
Noctilucent, upon hearing those words, lost all semblance to adulthood and began to howl in fright, which made Graves come running to the kitchen doorway, soon followed by the others.
“Give us a moment,” Dr. Lethe said kindly to the foals. “Noctilucent, be calm,” she soothed, reaching out with one bat-like wing and stroking her bird-winged species cousin.
Quirky pulled the foals away from the door and the trio were once again alone, Noctilucent still quite unsettled.
“I don’t want it back,” he gibbered. “No no no no no…”
“But it is a part of you,” Princess Luna protested while casting a sound proof barrier into existence around them in the kitchen.
“I don’t care, it isn’t a part of me I want, keep it away, I remember what it did, that is about all I can remember,” Noctilucent pleaded.
“But we cannot go tearing away random parts of your mind and tossing them away,” Princess Luna said, shaking her head.
“I DON’T WANT IT!” Noctilucent shouted. “I don’t want to live with that sort of darkness inside of me. Please don’t force me. I want to be happy.”
“Be calm,” Dr. Lethe crooned. “I agree with Princess Luna, but I also see your point Noctilucent. Do you believe this… thing might be what drove you to self harm?” the lunar pegasus questioned.
There was a nod from the solar pegasus.
The alicorn squirmed in agitation. “I went poking around in your mind looking for answers last night. I found trace memories of what happened. You started off as an adult. Your doppelganger began as a foal. And it kept creeping up on you and assaulting you. With each assault, it grew in power and size, and you diminished, becoming smaller and weaker. When I happened upon the dream, it was the adult and you were the foal,” Princess Luna explained.
“I find that very disturbing... Noctilucent, do you remember any of this?” Dr. Lethe asked, looking very concerned.
“No,” replied Noctilucent, “I remember nothing. I just remember what almost happened.” He shivered, trembling slightly, and took a brave shuddering slurp of the foul brown goo that Dr. Lethe passed off as coffee. It was strangely oily and slightly gritty.
“Well, if we cannot destroy it, and we cannot place it back inside of Noctilucent’s mind, what do we do with it?” Princess Luna asked.
“That’s a very good question,” Dr. Lethe replied. “We’ve never encountered anything like this before. I now have some concerns if there will be other doppelgangers that break off.”
“Are they part of a whole sound mind or are they like pus, drained from a cyst?” Princess Luna questioned, thinking out loud. “How do we treat them and what do we do with them? What is the moral and ethical thing to do?”
“We deal with them by early detection before they become powerful, cut them away, and then, I don’t know. How do you kill a psychological projection or manifestation of a psychological concept?” Dr. Lethe said, finishing off her words with a question.
“The breakdown in reality happens early on. I am creating wards to set off an alarm when that happens in the dream realm. I noticed my hoof step sounds were out of synch to my movements. When dream reality begins to warp, the alarms should go off, and we will be ready,” Princess Luna said, eyeing her own coffee cup warily.
“Noctilucent, you might feel weak, or believe that you are weak, and that you succumbed to suicidal urges because of weakness… but you are wrong. To be completely ripped free from the confines of one’s own mind and body, and to be tossed into another mind like that, very few beings have the mental fortitude to hold together their psyche, their spark, under that kind of strain. Most would scatter like dust to the wind. While Cactus Blossom comforted you, you held on to her and allowed yourself to be comforted,” Dr. Lethe explained.
“I was in an impossible situation, I did not know what else to do,” Princess Luna confessed. “I saw what was about to happen and I knew that something had to be done, even if it was the wrong thing to do. I could not risk losing you.”
“You did the right thing Luna,” Dr. Lethe reassured. “You trusted in Noctilucent’s strength.”
“Perhaps I did,” Princess Luna admitted. “I trusted in Cactus Blossom’s strength as well, and I am glad I did.”
“I will do anything you want, just don’t try to put that whatever it was back inside of my mind,” Noctilucent begged.
“Still bargaining I see,” Dr. Lethe cheerfully chirped.
The orphans were unusually subdued as Holly taught their daily lessons. They were quiet, they were attentive, and they occasionally shot worried glances at Noctilucent, who was reclining on a pile of cushions in the corner, Shortbread Cookie sprawled out beside him.
Lethe had departed, off to secure lodgings in town. She was determined to stay and make what might be the second most important case study in her career, the first being Princess Luna after her return.
Quirky had gone off to look after her own affairs, but only after she had planted a kiss on Shortbread Cookie and made sure that Noctilucent was alright.
Noctilucent sat in the corner upon a pile of cushions, feeling his body vibrate. He felt surprisingly good, awake, and aware. He pressed his nose into Shortbread Cookie and blew a raspberry, causing the foal to squeal and giggle which made him feel much better. The foal was a source of comfort and security for him, a little piece of sanity in what was becoming a trying situation.
Shortbread Cookie, what few thoughts she had, focused mostly on her new caretaker, taking comfort in his constant affections and wanting his touch. She squirmed and crawled over the cushion, trying to get closer to the pegasus, needing to be close. She crawled between his forelegs and collapsed against his chest, the place where she usually was suspended from. It was her safe place, and she took shelter pressing up against it.
After the events of the night before, the orphanage was at peace.
The famous Equestrian psychologist known as Dr. Lethe remained troubled. She was afraid of things she did not know, and this was certainly the unknown. Something new. One final case study, one final great achievement in her life. When Luna had returned, Lethe had been the one who had put her back together, one piece at a time, and Luna had been broken almost beyond repair. Separation sickness, caused from having been away from any sort of herd of ponies for a thousand years, guilt, trauma, fear, too many problems to list.
And Luna, being strong, had rebounded under Dr. Lethe’s care. The Elements of Harmony had restored her nature, but not her mind. It took a great deal of effort to repair over a thousand years of damage. But Luna had recovered, and, as she recovered, she wanted to make compensation for all of the harm she had done.
It had been Dr. Lethe’s own recommendations that had influenced the new suicide prevention program, her own work that had inspired Luna to make a sweeping change in how mental illness and suicides were handled.
Even with the unexpected issue, Dr. Lethe was confident that the new program held promise and would change the lives of so many. With new treatments came new problems, and Noctilucent was the first, although there were now others in the program as well. Already, Luna was taking steps to prevent any harm coming to the others under her care.
The militant preservation of life, a new stance to make up for all the lives she had taken away. Princess Luna’s recovery was now a full turnaround. Luna had once used her power to destroy the lives of so many, and now, she was exploring new ways to use her power to preserve life and heal minds, such as the foal known as Arroyo.
The sun beat down mercilessly upon the nocturnal creature as she surveyed her new home. It was small on the outside, although that meant little as most of it was probably underground. She was going to have a roommate, but she didn’t mind. She was also going to have to foalsit, but she didn’t mind. Lethe loved foals and foal psychology was one of her many doctorates.
She turned and walked up the pathway of the home of one Quercus Alba and Shady Patch, having accepted Quirky’s invitation to stay with them after having no luck finding anything else.
To Merriweather,
I think I finally understand what I have done to do you, and for this, I am honestly filled with regret. You liked me, maybe loved me, you trusted me, and I placed you into a position where I could take advantage of your trust.
My eyes have been opened recently, in several ways actually. I have been placed in a position where I have no other choice but to trust somepony for my well being, something that frightens me a great deal. If somepony was to betray me, as I once did to you, I think it would destroy me.
Noctilucent crumpled up the paper and pushed it aside. Merriweather had been raped he thought to himself. I was only almost raped, and it isn’t fair to her to compare the two he added internally.
Noctilucent found he had some very different perspectives now.
Shortbread Cookie was being fed a bottle by Holly and Noctilucent had some time to kill. His emotions were raw and he struggled to stave off his depression. Princess Luna was still nearby, spending time with the foals before their afternoon nap. He watched her closely. Real enough she had said. There was no way she could have arrived here by chariot, and Noctilucent knew that she could not actually be spending the whole day here in an orphanage. She was a Princess. She had things she had to be doing.
What he was looking at had to be a projection of some sort. Something not real, but real enough. Part of him still wanted to be angry with her, to use this as an excuse to be angry, that it was only a projection she had sent, and not her real self, but a more rational part of his mind silenced that anger and was appreciative of the fact that she clearly loved him and the foals enough to devote this much energy and effort towards watching over them all directly, splitting herself between locations. Surely that took effort and was no easy task.
He took up his pen and began again.
Dear Noctilucent,
I wish I could find a way of letting you know how badly I feel for abusing your trust. You were my friend, you might have even loved me, we were close enough to be intimately involved, and I preyed upon this closeness. I took away your right to choose, and left you in a situation where the choices were made for you.
Noctilucent stared, realising he had written his own name. He swallowed a few times, trying to comprehend what he had written, and the parallels between himself and Merriweather. He felt a cold sweat all over his body and his frogs began to itch.
He felt sick.
The room began to spin around him, he felt light headed and faint. He wondered briefly if this was nerves or Dr. Lethe’s coffee trying to kill him. Just as he thought he was about to fall over, he felt something brush up against him.
“I felt something wasn’t right,” Cactus Blossom said, her voice unsteady and unsure. “I don’t know how I knew it, but you aren’t well.”
Noctilucent steadied at Cactus Blossom’s touch. He pulled her close, hugging her, taking comfort as she wrapped her forelegs around his neck and squeezed back.
“Interesting. She has a ‘Cactus Sense’ and knows when something is wrong,” Princess Luna observed, watching the foal squeeze Noctilucent from his stupor. “I can feel the subtle magic happening. I know of another earth pony with subtle magic, and she too has a powerful sense.”
The other foals stared at Cactus, aware that the events of last night were going to be the source of many changes.