Lyra Heartstrings is a unofficial anthropologist bent on discovering humans but soon enough learns about the extinction of humans in equestria. what happend, what made them die off.
Follow lyra on her adventure to learn how equestria was
REALLY made and how humans were involved.
oh yea and she find a human that's not to fond of equestrians how will she gain its trust
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Much better but now I'm confused, is this the second chapter or the first? because if it is the second I don't want to read it (don't want to spoil anything :) )
Holy fucking shit! knighty is the true spawn of all that is prankery! WHY?!
Stay frosty!
~Hazard~
“Why did you take me here, it’s that you actually need me to go and buy food”. Bon Bon said laughing at her own joke. “Pinkie Pie discovered a new candy and she needs someone to taste test them”.said the green unicorn with her tongue sticking out like a dog to steak. “I really doubt taste testing candy is the reason you dragged me here, knowing you your not somepony who would bring somepony else to food to –“ .Bon Bon statement froze to a halt seeing how she lost Lyra’s attention
Sooner then they noticed they were inside Sugercube Corner it’s was rather quiet, could be because the store was closed so inside was a ghost town all except for the crazy pink pony would seem to have the energy level of at least 6 other ponies. As Lyra and Bon Bon trotted into the store they were energetically greeted by the pink hyper pony. “Hi you two.” Pinkie spoke at a amazing speed it was almost impossible to keep track of what that pony was talking about. “I bet you two are here to taste test, I bet you are, if you weren’t, You wouldn’t be here, or would you are you just here to s-“Bonbon cut her off.
“Yes,we indeed are here to test the candy, well at least she is." pointing at the green unicorn who was already sticking her snout onto the glass that held the cakes.
Just then from the kitchen came Mr. & Mrs. Cake carrying their little foals; Pound and Pumpkin Cake who were fast asleep in their arms. “Ah you t-" "one" Bon Bon corrected her, "must be here to taste test the new candy.”
Pinkie then continued “Then let’s get started” she ran into the other room and came back almost instantly with a tray of candy with all sorts of colours to them.
Some were blue some were green and red others were just white."I remember going up to the Weather Factory in Cloudsdale and tasting the rainbow."[A/N:no pun intended]
"I tasted all sorts of things at once And that gave me a wonderful idea so I got Dashie to go up there and dip these in the rainbow and here we are now."
"I really don’t think that’s a good idea." Bon Bon said but was cut off by the munching of candy. Lyra was already half way into the candy when suddenly she started to turn all sorts of colours all but mint green and after about five seconds she passed out.
-------------------------------*--------------------------*----------------
As Lyra opened her eyes to realize she was in her room.
Beside her bed was Bon Bon with a expected combination of “I told you so” and “Thank god you're ok” look.
After about two minutes of staring Bon Bon broke the silence with a well expected 'I told you so' themed remark starting with: “You know if you thought with you brain and not with you stomach you would care to remember what they teach you in magic school-", as she began to nag about the usual Bon Bon business blah blah 'rainbows' - 'poisonous' – blah blah not 'consumable'. “How do you even know about magic school you not even a unicorn”
Bon Bon paused then looked away.Probably thinking of a response until Lyra continued “anyways it doesn’t matter I'm okay and that’s all that matters”.Bon Bon still had a worried look on her face. “oh yea when I was asleep I had a dream, it was a dream about the humans. Bon Bon’s expression turned from worried to mad then to the look you give when you just want to say “ugh I give up”.
“Lyra you know I don’t have time for this rant.Humans don’t exist why don’t you just grow up and admit it they are just fictional creatures that “feed on meat” they don’t exist they tell little children this so they will stay out of the Everfree and listen to their parents”.
“Besides You know you can't research them it's illegal you don’t want the equestrian inquisition on you”. Bon Bon finished.
“I know I know, But this dream felt so real I was walking through this city the humans call “Toronto” It was filled with humans, some were walking some were running some were on these weird things with two wheels some were even on the big metal thing on four wheel for a creature that can’t use magic they could sure have a lot of neat things I even think I was a human in this dream I was much taller and walk on two -", bonbon cut her off.
“Regardless of what you dreamt a dream is not real and you really shouldn’t be scouting this out so openly you lucky I'm a nice pony and your my roommate if not I could get you arrested”. “Speaking of roommate you still owe me this month’s rent.” Bon Bon said with a sassy tone on her voice “oh c’mon” Lyra shot back. “Dear Princess Celestia there is a green unicorn here in Ponyville breaking the law”... Bon Bon dragged “law” out further then needed." Ok I'll pay" Lyra said looking under her pillow and tossing a pouch full of bits. Bon Bon left the room with a smirk. Lyra waited until she could no longer hear Bon Bon’s hoof steps then said in a low almost whispering voice “They exist I know they do, why else would they be illegal to research if they didn’t exist".
"Maybe i could start my research in Twilight's libary."
==============+
I'll edit this a bit after I read it...maybe
============+
*meh* I'm no editor but I tried
ok ok all fixed i read all the comments and most were about the underlines i have to agree now too, it does look Trippy.
so i got rid off it. everything all good?please be sure for constructive critism. this is my first fanfic so i want to make it the best i will
make a couple more chapters today.
This is pretty damn good, im looking forward to more chapters!
Now that I've read it, my only major complaint is your grammar is absolutely horrid. Try finding someone willing to proofread for you.
It needs a lot of grammar editing. There's too much to point out all of them. Try reading through it out loud for edits.
Some details were a bit confusing, but this may be due to the grammar.
Interesting piece. The grammar and everything really needs to be cleaned up though. I felt myself getting lost throughout the story.
OH MAN! I can't wait to see where this story goes next :D
ok im trying my hardest to get my chapter up for you guys today or tommoro
i alredy have it done and edited to my-well knoledge of grammer
and im going to start the next chapter tonight
-trust me he next chapter is going to hit you as a surprise
also im looking for a editor, somepony to clean up my errors before i publish
tha what i think i need to make this better if you think you up for the job send me a email
red-a132@hotmail.com
my editor will also get a name in the description and if he/she wants, their oen character in the plot
pre-made or not.
I need mah editor :P
----Extra Extra Read all about it ----
Cinnamon Sparks
Added a new character to stay!
also this very dashing pegasus is looking for a editor
be sure to email him
at:
red-a132@hotmail.com
Yay Lyra and the human....and then they shipped
Great read! However, the author's note is wholly and completely unnecessary. All you needed to do was add a line of Lyra stating, "Great! I'll call you X from now on...and go with that. You can always change the name later...just add in how he didn't want to share his name with Lyra then.
Also...revenge seems too hasty and uncharacteristic of Lyra? I dubious any pony would immediately want other ponies to get hurt. Getting reparations for the human, definitely. But Lyra bringing up the topic of revenge without the human bringing it up first seems out of character.
447955
your right about the lyra thing.
Lyra is doing this for justice (despite her personality) she know that what celestia did was vast genocide
and i don't know if the message was clear enough in the story but she trying to gain this humans
trust because.. you know humans are her life long devotion and she want to know about them
and what better way to get info but from a human its self
and the authors note was just a joke, i was trying to take pinkie idea of 4th wall breaking
but you know il just keep out of the story :x
Hehe I hope Celestia gets her commupings. OR Luna tries to save the Human due to her not liking the genocide her sister brought on them and stands up for him.
Ummm... I think this particular chapter needs some serious editing. I couldn't follow it half of the time as the sentences were kind of jumbled and as a whole slightly non-sequitur. Plot development also seems a bit rushed?
Please revise, if possible.
473532
will, do
its just that this story has one or two more chapter give or take and im not really good at
"landing the plot"
as for errors and edits: il fix them asap
Tia knows all!!!!!!!!
When proof reading, read the chapter slowly and out loud. You'll find a lot of mistakes like that. I like the idea of the story so far.
So far so good. I love the idea of the story. The only problem I have with this story is the grammar, which has gotten better since I read the first chapter. Keep up the good work.
YAY they shipped!!!!!
I want to hear what happens now that they know they love each other. ^_^
WTF so no revenge no celestia you pay for slaughtering my race die slut?
This has given a few grammar nazis strokes. I hope you know that.
2073916
nope, sorry for late reply didn't tell me
2033284
I think you should do what this pony says I mean I'd kill the bitch if I was him
Plot is interesting, the only annoying aspect is the odd linebreaks in the middle of sentences
this was so confusing!!!! what did celestia mean that "only you can save us now" . theres too many unanswered questions for the story to make much sense in the end. too many loose ends. there was so much left hanging. he is now a pony, but, except for the shipping, the story seems unresolved to a large extent. what is the story behind the book, and what is the extent of its powers? it seems to be chaotic to a great degree, but it helped when called upon. there should be a sequel to tie up the loose ends, but also it seems to be an adventure, half completed.
Jesus. Where is spacing?
Every word is cramped to each other.
445305
Where is spacing? Every word and dialog is cramped together.