• Published 17th Apr 2014
  • 4,789 Views, 85 Comments

Let's Boop! - shieldgenerator7



A human goes on a quest to boop all the best ponies

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Fluttershy

He dashes off so quickly towards the edge of the Everfree Forest that you don't even have time to take off the hoof slippers you have on. Once you have caught up, you stop for a second and recklessly lift your front hoof up to your mouth and bite the cotton hoof slipper. You taste all the street dirt that the slipper picked up as you yank it off your hoof. You take a few excited steps forward as you simultaneously slip your nose under the saddlebag flap and slip the slipper into the saddlebag. You look ahead and see he's getting away fast. You run towards him, but then stop again because it feels weird to run with only three slippers on. You stop and take off the front slipper, then decide to just leave the other two on in the interest of time. Running at full speed, you catch up to him quickly. After you return to his side, you again trot to keep up, feeling only slightly winded. You're a pony after all, and you can withstand much greater distances.

The wind picks up a little and blows across your face. The fur on your hide rustles as the wind tries to take your hat away. You stiffen your ears to foil its attempts, but the wind easily tickles your ears into submission, blowing the tiny hairs in your ears all around. You feel them wiggle around in your ear and instinctively fold your ears back. You put the brakes on your front hooves and the hat rubs against your head as its momentum carries it forward. You place your front hoof on top of the brim and hold on to it, or at least as best as a pony can "hold on to" anything. You trot with three legs as he continues forward unencumbered.

“Ah, here it is!” he declares as you near the destination. He peeks at it and then holds the map with two hands in front of his face to double check. Pulling the map back down, he exclaims, "Yep! This is it!"

You see a blue wooden bridge over a small brook that leads to a friendly looking cottage built into a hill. As you cross over the bridge, you hear the sound of several forest animals mix with the clop-clop-clop of your front hooves and the trickling sound of flowing water beneath you. Chipmunks squeak, birds chirp, and the occasional bear growls out a yawn.

You kick up a little bit of dust as you traverse the dirt path up to the cottage entrance. You climb a little hill and approach a doorway fenced in from the cliff below. The front door is wide open and several little critters are scampering in and out. Two of them look like they're playing in the doorway, but then they run off chasing each other when they see you and him approaching.

Spying the open door, he leans up against the outside wall and slowly approaches the door frame. Then he peaks around the edge, and seeing that the coast is clear, he sneaks into the cottage on the tips of his feet... you do know what that's called right? Yeah, the tips of his feet. No, that's called "tiptoe". Toe? Yeah, toes, they're like fingers... except on the feet. Toes, ok. He sneaks tiptoe into the cottage, looking around to make sure that nopony sees him.

He motions with his hand and you step forward. Clop! Your first step into the cottage makes a discernible noise. Both of you stop for a second to see if anypony in the cottage notices. Thankfully, all the noise outside masked the noise of your hooves. You take a quick second to put your hoof slippers back on.

Following him in, you venture into the quaint little cottage. Critters are everywhere, eating, sleeping, playing. Soon you reach an archway that seems to lead to a living room. From what you can hear, there seems to be somepony in there. That must be the next target.

Before the man can traverse the archway, a little white bunny scampers up and blocks his path. The bunny looks so cute and cuddly, with his fluffy white face poofing with white hairs (haha get it? "hairs?".... I know, I know, it's overused) and his ears standing tall atop his head. But his expression is an aggressive one. His eyebrows are scrunched together and his face is pinned into a disapproving frown. His arms are crossed tightly and his foot is impatiently tapping the ground.

The man crouches down and quietly greets the bunny. "You a good little bunny rabbit..." He attempts to put his finger to the bunny’s face, but he opens his jaws and lunges at the finger. The man pulls it back instinctively. "Maybe not such a good little bunny rabbit..." He quietly stands back up. He reaches down at it and tries to push it aside with his hand. "Shoo, shoo!" He easily moves the bunny, but it growls and hops right back into his way. The man stares at the bunny for a little bit, then he walks over to your side. You turn to face him, but he continues trying to get to your side, and so you stop trying to face him. He reaches into your saddle bag.

“Hold on, I’ll pay you back for anything I take,” he says, trying to calm your fears about him going through your saddle bag. You can feel round objects brush up against the inside panel of the saddle bag.

“Aha! Here we go! A carrot!” The man picks up the carrot and the bunny stares at the carrot, but doesn't budge. "Here, take this!" The man reaches down to give the bunny the carrot, but he pushes it back and shakes his head. "You mean you don't like carrots?"

The bunny gives him a look, "Are you serious?" and then points behind him to a corner stacked to the window sill with carrots.

"Oh." The man looks at the carrots and then back at the bunny. "Well, I can't just hurt an innocent animal..."

Seeing as how he can't seem to get past it, you push him aside and look at the bunny. You put your hoof out, and the bunny comes up and sniffs it. He looks up at you, and his face lightens up a bit. Then he sees the hat on your head and growls.

You look up at your hat and then reach your hoof up to take it off. You let your ears go lax so they slip through the slits when you tip the hat off your head. It lands upside down in your front hoof. You clench the brim in your teeth and taste the glazed leather that makes up the hat. Then you slip your nose under the saddlebag flap and drop the hat in.

You look at the bunny, who hasn't budged. He stares at your head where the hat used to be, and then he lightens up and smiles.

The man reaches down and rubs his head. "You're such a good little bunny!"

The bunny then scampers off through the archway into the living room.

"Good going!" The man says as he lifts the flap to your saddlebag, which falls gently onto your back. "But I really need you to wear this hat." He takes it out and closes the flap. You stiffen your ears straight up and he lines them up with the slits in the brim.

The man sneaks further into the cottage, and spots a yellow pegasus lounging on a sofa. You hear the distinct sound of a kitten purr, and see that she’s snuggling with a kitten.

“D’awww… you’re such a good little kitty kat aren’t you?” She doesn’t even seem to notice the man approaching her.

Finally, when he gets close enough, he strikes.

“Boop!”

“What…” the pegasus lessens her embrace with the kitten and looks up at the man wide-eyed.

“Boop!”

The yellow Pegasus blushes. “Eep!” She hides behind her front hooves and closes her eyes. The kitten climbs up on top of her and jumps from the sofa ledge to the window. The pegasus opens an eye and slowly peaks out from behind her front hooves.

The man slowly moves his hand towards the pegasus' nose and she cowers behind her front hooves again.

The man scuttles out and you follow. “Did you get that?”

You nod.

“Good! On to the next one!” he says, petting your mane.

You look back at the cottage from across the bridge.

“But for this one, we’ll need something special. What’s that, you ask?” He comes up to your side again and rummages through your saddle bag. He pulls out two tree suits. You think back to when you were at the market, and can’t seem to remember buying two tree suits. Hmmm? You shrug it off and put on a tree suit. The one you wear seems to be made to fit a pony wearing a hat, and he dons one perfectly fit for a human.

“Now we make like a tree and leave!” he says with a laugh as he walks briskly in an unknown direction.

Author's Note:

Well, I decided to release a day early, since I had it done a day early. Enjoy!

Comments ( 37 )

4267958 I was talking to his potential post-conference future self :derpytongue2::pinkiehappy:
4266194 Haha, whoa, I wasn't intending for that, but hey, he kind of does remind of splendorman
4264685 *boop joke*
4262833 Haha oops, :rainbowlaugh: thanks for finding that :twilightblush:
4260797 "What have I done?!"

Because of you, I went around my school today booping random people on the nose...
It was fun! :pinkiehappy:

Plot Twist: he was hired by Celestia :trollestia:

4275647 I like you.

Especially your logic :twilightsmile:

Make like a tree... and get outta here.

4275647 double plot twist: it was discord in disguise of celestia who hired the boop man

4276057
Triple plot twist, on the orders of Luna?

Heh!

Ooh, no clues as to the next destination... I look forward to finding out from the next chapter, then!

A couple of bits of correction, though: "lounges" should be "lunges" and "dawns" should be "dons".

You're a pony after all, and you can withstand much greater distances.

I feel like this is distinctively false.

I'd like to be a tree...

Why do I have a feeling that the last two are the princesses in Canterlot?

... Maybe I'm right. But can't wait till you boop Rainbow Dash! :3

You stiffen your eyes straight up and he lines them up with the slits in the brim.

Eeehhhh....??? :derpytongue2:

4283695 :facehoof: I can't believe I wrote that
4283272 No spoilers... but maybe! Rainbow Dash will get booped soon enough!
4277679 What, that you're a pony or that you can withstand much greater distances?
4276632 Oh, thanks. :twilightblush: I must have been feeling relaxed when I wrote that :twilightsheepish:
4276629
4276057
4275647
No spoilers, but you'll find out in the end!
4276049 *tree gets up and walks away*
4275588 haha that sounds fun :rainbowlaugh:
4275565 BOOP!

4288503 Hay, at least it isn't as bad as the more than four legs sentence in the last chapter. :rainbowlaugh:

4288503 I can see her getting more irritated than Twilight... Maybe Rarity too.

4288503 Humans are persistence hunters who use endurance running. A human could outpace a pony any day of the week, simply by walking after it until it collapses of exhaustion.

4288984 Eeyup. a human could potentially walk for miles a day, provided they are in slightly-above-average shape, with only the feet getting somewhat sore. The primitive H. sapiens could literally chase prey for days on end, only taking breaks to drink and eat to continue the hunt. Of course, you already knew that.

Boop! Boop everywhere! :derpytongue2:

So... When is Boopman going to boop the ponies again?
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Is it ironic that you commenting on my boop story got me to read yours? Until I am informed otherwise I'm going to assume it is :twilightsmile: In any case this is a great read, good job!

5641970
No, it's not at all ironic
(because that was my plan all along mwahaha)

5665837
Ooohhh, you're good :trixieshiftright:

5690022
Awww, you got me! That's just so cute! I can't resist! I'm going to have to update this soon...

5692978 Suddenly it feels like Christmas. :pinkiehappy:

I'm surprised at how detailed the writing is

Is this going to update?

“Now we make like a tree and leave!” he says with a laugh as he walks briskly in an unknown direction.

any more new chapters, ever?
LEAVEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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