• Member Since 22nd Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen May 22nd, 2021

RealityWarper


I wish!!

T

Solid, like a rock.

Stoic, like a rock.

Fearless, like a rock.

Boring, like a rock.

These are the traits instilled into a Royal Guard in his or her training. These are also the traits of the Unicorn soldier named Aegis Barrier.

He wasn't all that different from the other guards, yet there seemed to be something not so normal about him. He always took matters into his own hooves if somepony else could not. On the day of Nightmare Moon's return , The Royal Guard had failed to protect their Princess. Aegis however, refused to fail. He arrives at Everfree where an injured Twilight was, where he provides his own assistance as a Royal Guard. After a change of events happen, he is ordered to stay in Ponyville to rest until summoned for further orders. Even though he doesn't know it, he's been added silently to their ring of friendship.


It's another take following season 1, I'm not sure if I should make it a one shot seeing as I'm still working on my other story. Tags will be added along the way.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 104 )

Hai. VERY first.

Manes #2 · Mar 13th, 2014 · · 7 · Aegis ·

4077994
Not wise my friend, prepare for the downvotes. Also good story.

4078019 :rainbowlaugh: MY ANUS IS READY!

Nothing personal. :twilightsheepish: No downvote from me or anything. I haven't read this. I just have to comment on the name of the character. It's so tiring to see a character double named. Much like someone at a restaurant asking for queso cheese(cheese cheese), naming a character Aegis Barrier(shield shield) is redundant. I'm kinda sorry that this is the story that finally made me comment on the issue, but at the same time...idc anymore :twilightangry2:...I'm tired of double names. I know people are going to think I'm an a-hole for posting this but w/e...I'm 1/2 drunk, and this has been a thorn in my side for a while. Why not vent now?

:ajbemused: . . . . .

4078434
gifs.gifbin.com/032010/1269259657_omg_cat.gif
The story is not that bad.

Edit: Note to author: The story is not that bad. :eeyup:

4078506 I know, I'm just poking fun. :rainbowlaugh::heart:

4078527 :rainbowlaugh: The note was my opinion to the author, the gif was for the Aegis name thing. Guess I should have checked the formatting before posting. :twilightsheepish:

Good story, keep it up:pinkiehappy:

4078414 Oh I know it means "Shield Shield", the concept is different though in context from whatever person is viewing it. And from my opinion Aegis falls within magical category. :fluttershysad::heart:

Honestly I don't understand why people dislike without leaving a reason why, so I can improve. :fluttercry: So much for love and tolerance on their part...

4079284

So much for love and tolerance

Dude, right now you've got like 2 dislikes for 22 likes. That's nothing to whine about.

And they just might not have a clear idea why they disliked it.

4079343 It isn't a whining, I honestly don't mind the dislikes. I would like to KNOW why the dislike so I can improve. Every story is to better myself, and I'd appreciate if you weren't so rude. :fluttershbad: But if you want to talk about this, please PM me. No need to blow up this chat with talking.

4078414 ...Except for the qualities in both names that are very different. An aegis is an unbreakable shield. A barrier is all together different in that it is a surrounding structure meant to keep things out. So really his name isn't Shield Shield, but Unbreakable Deterrent.

I still agree with you though, it is a rather stupid name.

4078506 CHOKE THE KITTY! ...It's too cute not to.

I'm sorry, but I can't not say this anymore, and it's fine if you want to delete this.
Am I the only one that thinks the picture looks like he's staring at (and silently judging) a perky boob? :trixieshiftright:

Before me sat Princess Celestia, benevolent as ever, standing tall over everypony with a motherly smile on her face.

So which was it? Sitting or standing? :pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh:

4079974 I'm so glad you picked up on that! :rainbowlaugh: It was a little hidden joke that was pointing to her being able to sit and still be tall over everyone! :pinkiecrazy: I didn't thank anyone would see it.

4078414

Consarnit Moon Moon!

The story seems interesting so far, despite a few questionable spots of grammar in dialogue such as;

"I think he was a nice pony. Detached but still very nice. Rough around the edges but seemingly loyal. A bit on the creepy side with the way his eyes are always drooped like that though. All over all a good pony."

'All over all' is technically correct, but still seems to feel wrong to me somehow. You could have structured the statement differently to avoid the curt, straight-to-point statements defining Twilight's interpretation of his traits. Doing so would have made the dialogue read more comfortably, as Twilight would more likely have spoken.

Aside from the straight-to-point statement structure, it feels to me from the existing text that Twilight wouldn't have had much opportunity to form these conclusions given the situation. Perhaps I could sympathize better with a vague impression based off of his determinedness to protect Twilight despite the danger to himself. However, having the only words exchanged between them relating to his lack of skill with healing spells leads me to believe no specific impressions could be formed, especially in regards to the bit about his eyes always being drooped (I doubt that a wounded Twilight would have been so keen on observing the state of her defenders' eyelids in the middle of a fight, and the scene is presumably a short one- not nearly long enough to make a conclusion about somepony's constant appearance).

I was a bit irked at Twilights' lack of reaction to Celestias' mention of Sombra, as at that point in the canon Sombra was completely unknown to Twilight, and the Crystal Empire was still vanished from Equestria. It's questionable that Celestia herself would think it pertinent to mention him by name to Twilight even feeling something similar to his hateful aura.

My nitpicking observations aside, I enjoyed the concept and your use of POV exchange, moving from Nightmare Moon to Aegis Barrier in first person to a third person focus on the room itself which allows us to see Celestia and Twilight's conversation as well as receive foreshadowing in the form of those eyes. My only real complaint is that the characterization feels off as a result of dialogue and introspective vocabulary, which can be a tricky thing for most authors in any case.

I'm going to reserve my like/dislike judgement on this until I see more of it, and I genuinely look forward to seeing where this goes- if not for the storyline, to see how your writing style develops as you continue to work on this. I'd love it if you could pop me a message when you update this next, so I won't lose track of it in my read later mountain.

With curious regards,
Didls the Occasional Editor.

Ohhh going to dive in and read.

4080016 Thank you so so much for your detailed feedback of my story! :fluttercry: It makes me happy. The characters I must say, um. I'm no good at portraying people though I try my hardest. I can do almost anyone okay, EXCEPT Twilight. She's an odd one for me. As for why everything is bad- it's because I was throwing stuff out there as it was late at night (3:00am) and I hadn't sleep in a few days due to some rather unfortunate circumstances. :pinkiecrazy: You comment helps me oh so much and I truly value it! It will further assist my writing to hopefully help me write my best story yet! My gratitude belongs to you and everypony who assist me further! But also those who encourage me to write on! I'll be moving back and forth between stories! I'm not so sure about actually continuing the story as it was but a fleeting thought. Should I find the need to continue I will do so! If I do, I'll gladly let you know! As always, I hope you all stay in good health! :pinkiesmile:

And I like it! I wonder what wagers so much hatred from him.

Hmm, still on the fence about this one. It's well written and the premise has potential, but one chapter isn't enough to draw any conclusions. Either way though, this story defiantly has my attention and I look forwards to your next update!

A Competent Guard? Will wonders never cease

<--- Considering my name, I looked into this story out of curiosity. :ajsmug: Time to find out if it deserves attention...

4079284 Aegis is the name of Zeus' shield which he frequently loaned to his favored child Athena and may have been the shield she in turn loaned to Perseus, so an "Aegis Shield" could mean Magic shield rather than just shield shield.

4079738 i thought the same thing :rainbowlaugh:

Intriguing... I like the idea of it, and would like to see more. :pinkiehappy:

looking for
wards to
the next one :pinkiehappy:

The writing seemed rushed in places, and awkward as well. Quite a few SPAG errors as well.
Maybe try a pre/proof-reader or an editor just to look through and suggest changes?

4084258 Why thank you! I'll make sure to do that! :fluttershysad::heart:

4085323 My god i like that!
ANOTHER!

4085323
No worries man, we've all got to start out somewhere. :twilightsmile:

This is actually a pretty good story so far. I've seen HiE's where another pony is thrown in the mix kind of like this, but doing it such that there is no HiE at all makes this better by far. I look forward to the next chapter.

4080193
That's good to hear.

I do hope you continue with the story, and should you choose to I will continue to observe and offer feedback. As I do with many other situations like this, when you feel you have reached an acceptable conclusion for it I may even be open to helping you out with a refinishing of it.

If you already know where the story is going, I might suggest assembling a synopsis for reference and a timeline for scene planning. Getting yourself a proofreader and/or an editor may be advisable if you plan to bring the story to a certain length.

As for jumping between stories, looking over your page I notice you have several going at once, with one on hiatus and another cancelled entirely. Looking at the posting timestamps for them, you appear to get bouts of inspiration, publish for about a week, then move on. That may be a habit you'll want to break in the future, or you could adapt some of those bursting ideas into oneshots.



But let's not prattle in the comments section. Feel free to shoot me a message if you'd like to chat.

I would have liked to see more of the night from Aegis's point of view, it sounds like he's a rather raw recruit and it would have been interesting to learn just how he got to the castle and a little more about him.

4078020 FOOL! NOW WE CAN HIT YOUR FACE! WHY?! BECAUSE THAT ONE WASN'T! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!

Ironic description. Inspired by this weeks episode?

Insufficient data to form opinion. Continue datastream.

This guy needs a theme tune...

Wait, I have just the thing!

There... Now I correctly visualize Aegis plodding around as boring as all get go.

4086397 *sigh* You said your anus was prepared for the downvotes, leaving your face defenseless, remember?

4087170 That makes no fucking sense

4087208 Please refrain from using this place as a chat, or being rude in it. :fluttercry::heart:

You should try proof reading it and checking for typos. Gets kinda annoying sometimes. Great story though :3

She'd make good for an alternative rock singer though

Why would you even......... If this is on purpose and not an accidental reference to Rainbow Rocks........... I swear to Celestia I will find you.

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