Apparently, you didn't teleport to the right spot as you find yourself behind the crowd by accident. You look at the stage to see Trixie looking around nervously. You're about to announce your presence, when you notice something interesting next to you. It appears to be a smoke machine. You see a note on it written in pink crayon that reads,
Hello Pinkie Pie here.
If you find my super awesome super duper smoke machine.
Then pretty please return it to me
Thanks,
Pinkie Pie
So this must be Pinkie's smoke machine huh. You think to yourself in a serious tone. Then, you get a wonderful idea for an entrance. You see that all the crowd's attention is still on Trixie and the smoke machine has a button on it called "Super Scary Smoke Mode".
Oh... this is gonna be awesome! You think to yourself in a excited tone. This is gonna go into the prank file for sure!
You press the button and the smoke machine comes to life causing big clouds of eerily creepy smoke to pour out of it. The ponies in the crowd notice this and begin to grow uneasy. You hear Twilight (of course she's here...) shout out,
"Everypony stay calm, there is nothing to worry about! It's probably just part of the show."
Not yet, Twilight, not yet...You think to yourself in a mischievous tone.
"This is not part of Trixie's show!" Trixie responds.
You call forth your best Joker laugh from Batmare and you laugh,
"Mwahhhmwahhhamwahhhhaahahahhhannwhahahh"
Your impression must have been pretty good, because everyling in the crowd immediately turns towards you in fear. You then...
You walk between the parted crowd slowly and as menacingly as you can, saying "I have searched for you, Greatest Equine Who Has Ever Lived."
Walk out of the smoke with exaggerated stride towards Trixie. When you reach the crowd and they don't move out of the way, you yell at them in the RCV
"STAND ASIDE IF YOU VALUE YOUR PITIFUL LIVES!"
The crowd looks at you in terror as they quickly move out of the way. You walk through the parted crowd slowly and as menacingly as you can while saying (in a tone that sounds like Scar from "The Lion King"),
"So we finally meet, the so called 'Greatest Equine Who Has Ever Lived'."
Trixie looks shocked that you said that, but then she mouths the words; "Two can play at that game."
"(GASP!) Oh no! It's the deadly, dangerous, and dare I say UGLY wanted fugitive, THE HOODED OFFENDER!!" Trixie screams.
scattered comments from the audience arguing over whether he's The Black Death, The Cloaked Whirlwind, The Ebony Phantom, The Obsidian Storm, or Dark Meany-Mean Pants
Being the showpony that she is, Trixie wastes no time. She points at you and lets out an exaggerated gasp,
"Oh no! It's the deadly, dangerous, and dare I say UGLY wanted fugitive, THE HOODED OFFENDER!!"
The crowd gasps in horror at this, but you can also hear some scattered arguing,
"Wait, I thought he was the Cloaked Whirlwind?"
"No, he's obviously The Black Death."
"Sweet Celestia, you're both morons! He's clearly Dark Meany-Mean Pants."
"You can't handle the truth!"
Your eye twitches in annoyance not only at the 'ugly' comment (you consider yourself quite handsome by changeling standards), but at the fact that these ponies can't even remember your name correctly. You just snarl at her when you suddenly get an idea. You look to her and say...
"Ah, you dont' know who I am? I'm surprised you don't remember me. I...I am you FATHER!...'S brother's nephew's cousin's former roomate!"
The crowd gasps! Until they mumble about why that means anything. Trixie is no less confused. "What does that make us?"
"Absolutely nothing! SHORYUKEN!!!" Your rising uppercut launches you into the air and onto the stage to begin the showdown
""Ah, you don't know who I am do you?"
Trixie looks at you in confusion, but you decide to just ignore it and continue with your little speech,
"I'm surprised you don't remember me. I Am... (*pause for dramatic effect*) your FATHER!...'S brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate!"
The crowd gasps! ...Until they start mumbling in confusion about what that even means. Trixie is no less confused,
"What does that make us?"
"Absolutely nothing! SHORYUKEN!!!" Your rising uppercut launches you into the air and onto the stage to begin the showdown.
"DO NOT WORRY EVERYPONY! THE GRRRREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRRRIXIE WILL VANQUISH THE MONSTER THAT THREATENS YOU, JUST AS SHE VANQUISHED THE URSA MAJOR!" Trixie shouted, her powerful voice traveling to every single pony in the audience. All the ponies cheered at their new found savior. With a flash, Trixie runs at you and pins you down. You look up at her and snarl.
Trixie smiles and looks towards the crowd confidently and proclaims,
"DO NOT WORRY EVERYPONY! THE GRRRREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRRRIXIE WILL VANQUISH THE RUFFIAN THAT THREATENS YOU, JUST AS SHE VANQUISHED THE URSA MAJOR!"
All the ponies cheer when they hear this, all except for Twilight, a dragon (you actually were about to run off the stage when you saw him, considering the last time you saw a dragon you were pounded into a pulp) Rarity, Rainbow Dash (*snicker*), and Applejack who just glare at you and... Trixie? Twilight just stares at you with a expression that says "You're up to something" while the others are just glaring at you and Trixie.
I understand why their glaring at me, but why are they glaring at Trixie too? You think to yourself in confusion. You would have continued to think about it (*tackle*), if it weren't for the fact that Trixie just tackled you off the stage. As soon as she did that, a song began to play in the background and you can't help but feel that it fits well with your 'fight'.
"Do you feel lucky, ruffian?" Trixie says to you in a loud voice so that everyling could hear her. You whisper to Trixie,
"Look we have a problem"
You kick Trixie off of you and onto her back. You kick up back to your hooves and rush at Trixie as she stands back up. As she reorients herself, you grab her arm and pretend to put her hoof behind her back in an armlock so she can look at the crowd and say,
"Yippie-ki-yay motherbuc-oh wait, there's foals watching." "You see the purple unicorn in the front row?"
Trixie scans the crowd and then looks back at you and whispers,
"Yeah, what about her?"
Trixie turns and hits you in the side of the head with a haymaker that makes you stumble back.
"Well, she might suspect that this is all a scam!" you quickly whisper
"Uh... verb this! FALCON PUNCH!"
You aim your attack just to Trixie's left so she barely rolls out of the way (close calls are always more exciting) and it destroys a cabbage cart behind her causing the owner to scream, "MY CABBAGES!!!"
"Seriously?" Trixie whispers in annoyed disbelief as she rolls back to her hooves.
"Look, I stink at on-the-spot one-liners!"
"Don't worry about her, just focus on putting on a show!" she whispers as she makes the "Bring it" gesture with her hoof
You give a quick nod in understanding and say,
"You had me at hello! NO SHADOW KICK!"
You leap at Trixie with a barrage of kicks, but she blocks them all with a force field spell (while rolling her eyes at your stupid line). As soon as your attack ends, she zaps you with a weak magical blast, but you pretend that it was super powerful and you fling yourself backwards and scream in 'pain'.
"I hope you don't think you're going to get away with this without a few bruises." You say casually. Trixie narrows her eyes and paws the floor violently with her hoof.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie can handle a few cuts, Hoofed Offender. The Great and Powerful Trixie is not weak!" Trixie shouts. The audience watches with amazed looks on their faces, completely engrossed in the performance. You smile and speak in the most menacing voice you can pull off. You try to think back to movies like the Avengers and Star Wars to inspire you to sound like a good villain.
"Eheheh. Prove it, you insignificant, stubborn girl." You snarl. The audience boos and curses your snark. You whip your head around and growl, shutting them up.
"Oh, 'boo' yourself you insolent, whiny brats! Unless you want to come up here and fight, stay out of this! And as for you, you pathetic wizard...."
You jump up suddenly, preparing to strike a staged blow.
"Prepare to meet your end, stupid girl!"
"I hope you don't think you're going to get away with that without a few bruises." You say with casual menace as you get back up.
Trixie narrows her eyes and paws the ground violently with her hoof and proclaims,
"The Great and Powerful Trixie can handle a few cuts, Hoofed Offender. Unlike you, the Great and Powerful Trixie is not weak!"
The audience watches with amazed looks on their faces, completely engrossed in the performance. You smile and speak in the most menacing voice you can pull off. You try to think back to movies you've watched to inspire you to sound like a good villain,
"Eheheh. Prove it, you insignificant, stubborn filly." You snarl.
The audience boos and curses you, but you whip your head around shut them up by growling in the RCV,
"OH, 'BOO' YOURSELF YOU INSOLENT WHINY BRATS! UNLESS YOU WANT TO COME UP HERE AND FIGHT, STAY OUT OF THIS! AND AS FOR YOU, YOU PATHETIC 'WIZARD'..."
You charge up a powerful-looking stun spell and proclaim,
"PREPARE TO MEET YOUR END, STUPID FILLY!"
You launch the stun spell just to Trixie's right, but to your horror you realize too late the spell is coming at Applebloom!
NO!!!
Suddenly, Applejack leaps in front of Applebloom and takes the blast full force before landing roughly onto the ground.
"APPLEJACK!!!" The farmpony's sister and friends scream as they run over to her still form,
You stand there in a brief guilt trance as Applebloom starts crying over Applejack, but Trixie quickly tackles you to the ground.
"YOU DARE HARM THE INNOCENT YOU FOUL BEAST!?"
She then whispers to you in horrified shock,
"You didn't have to go that far!"
"But, but, but... I didn't... She wasn't..." you stammer guiltily.
"We should wrap this up quickly before anypony else decides to intervene!", she responds with urgency,
You snap out of your guilt trance in time to give a quick nod in agreement and whisper,
"Okay. Quick, clench your teeth!"
"What?" Trixie asks with a confused look, but you teleport out of the showpony's grasp so that you're standing in front of her and call out,
"SHORYUKEN!" and hit Trixie with a (obviously held back) rising uppercut that launches the showpony back onto the stage. You teleport onto the platform and charge at the downed showpony while crying out,
"THE CAKE IS A LIE!"
You hear someling gasp in shock (for some reason you think it was Pinkie Pie), but you shrug it off for later as you get on your hind legs and lunge your front hooves at Trixie...
Trixie smirks, and lifts you up in the air by the scruff of your cloak. You gulp. Even if you had been actually fighting back you would have to struggle against her grasp. She drops you lightly, but you make it look as if she had slammed you down with earth shattering force.
Hooking her forelegs with your own, you push her to the edge of the stage. "You fight like a rock farmer!"
"How appropriate. You fight like a rock!" With that, she steps aside, letting you fall to the ground below. "Tell me Hooded offender," she gloats, "does a being like yourself ever experience fear?!" She blasts you with magic fireworks.
Just before they hit, you put up your force field. As the smoke builds, you give a cry and throw yourself backwards.
The showpony quickly gets up and intercepts your hooves with her own and you both grapple to near the edge of the stage.
"You fight like a rock farmer!", you tell her in a snarl.
Trixie then smirks and and says,
"How appropriate. You fight like a rock!"
With that, she side-steps and throws you to the stage floor. Trixie then lifts you up in the air by the scruff of your cloak and drops you lightly, but makes it look as if she had just slammed you on the floor with earth shattering force. She then leaps backwards towards a corner of the stage and screams,
"Flights of angels sing thee to thy rest, mongrel!" as she throws her hooves forward and unleashes a barrage of magical fireworks at you.
*pow* *pow* *pow* *pow* *pow* You just put up your force field right before impact. With the smoke acting as cover, you give a cry and hurl yourself backwards off the stage while crying out,
When Bugze decides it's time to throw the fight, he cries out "CURSE YOU GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!!!" and does an overly-exaggerated death rattle (complete with over five minutes of clutching at chest, twitching, exaggerated facial features (which shouldn't matter since you're wearing a faceless hood) and dying poses, coughing, and hacking).
"CURSE YOU GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIEEEEEEEEE!!!"
You then slam down into the ground. You would have sealed it with an overly-exaggerated death rattle (complete with over five minutes of clutching at your chest, twitching, exaggerated facial features, dying poses, coughing, and hacking), but when you landed your head smacked against an inconveniently-placed rock. The last thing you saw before the darkness sets in was Applebloom's tear-filled eyes glaring at you in pure hatred.
A FEW HOURS LATER IN THE PONYVILLE JAIL
You wake up to see that you're in chains (totally saw that coming), but surprisingly, your hood is still on! You guess Trixie said something to keep it on. You look out the window of your jail cell to see that it is now night time! Time to panic,
"Oh Luna, she's forgotten about me! Curse you lady luck! If I ever get my hooves on-"
"Ahem."
You're snapped out of your panicked rambling when you see Trixie in front of the door to your cell. She opens the door and walks in. As she unlocks your chains you ask,
"Thanks Trixie. Did they give you the bounty yet?"
"We'll discuss that later" she replies "But you need to follow Trixie, quick."
As you both walk out of the hallway of cells, you see an unconscious guard in front of the door causing you to ask,
"Are there any others?"
"No. There was only one guard." she replies
You follow Trixie out the door and into an alley when she suddenly stops and says,
"Trixie needs you to wait here while Trixie scouts on ahead"
You nod in understanding and stand by while the showpony goes on ahead.
Seeing as how Ponyville's security is so weak that they only had one guard in the jail, this shouldn't take more than a few minutes.
MORE THAN A FEW MINUTES LATER
You begin to wonder where Trixie is when you're suddenly blinded by a bright light.
An ambush?! I hope Trixie's okay!
When your eyes readjust, you see crowd of reporter ponies with a unicorn in the lead supplying the light from its horn. Upon further inspection, that unicorn appears to be- TRIXIE?!
"AHA!" Trixie proclaims as she strikes a determined pose, "'The Great and Powerful Trixie' knew that the Hooded Offender would try to escape jail, and look! He has even ruthlessly struck down a helpless guardspony!" she brags as she strikes a heroic pose for the reporters.
Why... why would she do this?, you think in stunned silence, I thought we were friends. I trusted her. I was going to make her rich and famous and she does this to me!
"And you will know my name is 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
While you're frozen in shock at this new development, Trixie blasts you with a stun spell which cause you to fall on a rock... again!
A COUPLE MINUTES LATER
You wake up to see that you are in Hannistallion Lecter-style restraints. You try to break out, but it appears that the restraints negate magic as well as movement so you can't break free.
*Thud*
What...what was that! You think to yourself in a panicked tone.
*Thud* *Thud*
That sounds like a... OH SWEET LUNA NO!!! You think to yourself in pure terror after realizing what was causing the thuding.
*THUD* CRASH*
A huge starred paw just smashed the wall behind you. Your restraints must have been attached to the wall because now your arms are free. You take the restraints off your head and turn around to see that you were right. You scream,
"OH MY LUNA ITS GODZIL- I MEAN A URSA MAJOR!"
The Ursa ignores your outburst and continues to rampage through the town. You then remember how Trixie betrayed you, and how because of your fake fight with her, Applebloom hates you now. You see the town square where the stage/cart is, and snarl,
"Time to find that back-stabbing blue-coated boaster!"
And with that, you begin to walk towards the town hall...
What do you do?
'Teleportation whenever he is about to make friends' is tied with ' "I AM THE DISTRACTION" '
As for the upcoming events, climb on the Ursa's back and guide it towards Trixie's stage. (note that, if you happen to stop it from further destroying the town while doing so, you might get on the town's good side...again)
I have to say that my favorite gag of this fic is the "LOOK, A DISTRACTION!" But there also seems to be a running theme that Bugzy just can't seem to catch a break. Oh well. I guess that's just another day in the life of a wanted changeling.
If Trixie wants a betrayal, then by Luna she'll get one. Confront her while revealing your plan in front of everyone. "Trixie you back-stabber! We we're supposed to fake fight and then split the reward once you busted me out. I trusted you!"
And/ or:
To prove how powerful you really are, defeat the Ursa (minor) Major in front of everyone after Trixie fails to vanquish it. (Then the actual Ursa Major stomps into town, totally ticked at the fact that you unwittingly beat up its cub)
Oh man, I can't believe I missed last chapter. And I had a pretty good suggestion for a theme song too.
Still, I love Blazing Saddles. So congratulations and thanks to Minds eye for reminding me of one of the funniest movies I've ever watched.
you decide the best way to proceed is via stealth which in this case is via blending in. unfortunately everyling was running for their lives or starring in awe at..... the bucking crazy unicorn known only as twilight sparkle. taking a deep breath you slowly walk between the crowds of ponies then started running with the others while searching for trixi you cant help but think your acting in perfect synchronization with other ponies that you've seen in a video game what was it? eh who cares. as you search you cant help but wonder why your lucks been like crap lately, why diddint the universe just tell you that stuff was gonna suck so hard from this point? suddenly in one of your mad dashes you trip and roll under an open latter landing under some table, and coming face first with a pitch black cat which hissed at you startling you. you then bump your head on the table getting from under the table and standing on all fours you realized you spilled four containers of salt by bumping your head on the table taking a step back you hear a crack under you. looking down you realize you'd just broken a mirror an owl landed on the table then shaking its head in a 'no' presumably in pity hooted 3 times in a row to this you gave a low whistle and say "im dead" (you should only add the whistle if the scenes a night i forgot what time of day this episode takes place.)
My favorite running gag would be screaming at ponies in the RCV. It never gets old.
What to do?
You grin wickedly as the ursa draws closer to the traitor's stage and wagon. Her imminent destruction will be fun to watch.
"You have to help her," a voice says. You turn to your right to see a miniature Nightshade sitting on your shoulder. "I know she betrayed you, but she doesn't deserve this! No pony can defeat an ursa major on their own."
"Oh, let the monster have its fun," says another voice on your left. That shoulder is now occupied with a strange looking pony. She looks like Luna, but her coat is pitch black, and she wears the armor you saw way back in the castle. She continues, "That braggart could use some humiliation."
You have no idea what's going on, confirmed by the fact that you say, "I have no idea what's going on."
Mini-Nightshade speaks again. "What kind of example would this set for your daughter? You're going to let the monster destroy the whole town because of one pony?"
"Shove a sock in it," the other says. "If the town guard wasn't so busy chasing after a harmless changeling, they might have been able to do something about the ursa."
You shake your head. "How am I even seeing you two?"
"You got knocked out twice in one day," Mini-Nightshade says.
"Actually," the other says, "she's right about that. You really should see a doctor after this. More importantly, what do you do now?"
You answer, "I-I don't know. I've tried being the good guy and it's only brought me trouble! I tried to fake being the bad guy, and I lost the only friend I had in this town! I want to do the right thing, but no matter what I do, something goes wrong and someone ends up hating me."
The two beings on your shoulders share a laugh. The black one says, "Welcome to heroism." They disappear with a pop.
You stand still, watching the ursa stomp farther and farther into town, confused about what to do. This really wasn't your problem. You had nothing to do with this ursa, but if you show up, every pony will think you caused it anyway. But every pony in town is innocent. It wasn't their fault Applejack never liked you. It wasn't their fault you teleported and made a fool of yourself right in front of all Equestrian royalty. It wasn't their fault you fired the stun spell at Applebloom. And as you look over the empty streets, you realize they have no idea what's coming for them.
You charge up your Royal Canterlot Voice, and shout a warning.
"Everybody MOVE!"
Uh oh. The whole betrayal thing hit me just as I lost a war in Civ 5 to a back-stabbing country
And why would Applebloom hate Bugze?
As well, the distraction thing is mildly amusing...
You let out a loud snarl.
"Fine. Two can play at this game." you begin to calmly walk down the hall with your head held high. You let out another low menacing growl.
"I've come here to get revenge on the pony that betrayed me and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of bubblegum." You continue down the hall, maintaining a bad arse demeanor when suddenly...
A bowling ball smacks you in the face.
A Doctor Who crossover?! (SQUEE) ahem what no nothing. (Escape pod crashes) ok foals um I guess just go on your merry way you're safe now. (Foals run away and live happy lives...I think) ok, now then.
Doctor?! Doctor? Oh geez, yeah, like the TARDIS is just going to materialize right in front of me! (Sighs)
Best running gag? "Curse you Lady Luck!!!"
Stride up to the Ursa Major (actually it's an Ursa Minor, but you don't know that) and yell in RCV, "YOU, SHALL NOT, PASS!" Then you advance, about to fight it. The Ursa runs away, frightened. (It's only a cub after all) you are crowned hero of Ponyville!
4586482
Don't worry, the [FIXED] chapter will make it more clear
While you're exposing/calling out Trixie, don't forget for somepony to call out Snips and Snails for being responsible for the Ursa Minor attack (maybe Bugze can do that too in the RCV)
Favorite running gag is "LOOK, A DISTRACTION!"
I appear to be in the zombie mall of "Dead Rising 1", but I think it's one of the bad endings since there aren't any survivors left... Oh well!
*Happily kills way through zombies to and clears out 'Seon's Food and Stuff' before packing some food for Rainbow Dash (who is still unconscious and on back, but is now cleaned and bandaged with items from pharmacy) and then happily starts chowing down (mostly on chips, cheese, baguettes, 'Well Done Steak', 'Pizza (Golden Brown)', orange juice, milk, cookies, and pie) while nonchalantly head-shooting occasional zombies*
BTW, where's that exit portal?
*Munches on 'Pizza (Golden Brown)'*
4587894 Yeah, Bugze here. DWC can't talk right noe. Hes still in the ppower giver *AHHHHHHHHHH* Yikes.
"He says that his scanners are showing three life signs coming from the rooftop and their... two ponies and a griffin." Oh and DWC says that the griffin is a guy named "Sliver Quill" a Youtuber or something I don't know. He says that the only way out is by saving them. So good luck!" :) (they should really make a changeling javascript you know)
4587971 On it Bugze.
*Wolfs down pizza and chugs the last of the orange juice before charging out with Auto-9 in one hand, Cerberus, in the other, Rainbow Dash on his back, and proceeds to-RESCUE SCENE EDITED DUE TO FATAL EXCESS OF AWESOMENESS*
Okay, I've secured the youtuber griffin and the two unknown ponies and the portal revealed itself as soon as they were secured. I'm going through now (hope I find a way home soon. Jumping between mind dimensions is kinda messing with my editing duties).
I edited my last comment, and that's still my suggestion.
Minor detail I wanted to point out. Also, seeing the comments posted after mine I think a combination of 4586433 and 4587002 would be awesome.
I could never decipher what that reference from Space Balls meant until now. Basically it simplifies to "Your cousin's roommate"
... Unless her father had more than one brother. In that case....
orig12.deviantart.net/ae53/f/2014/194/b/6/idkrainbow_by_kaylacat65793-d7ql1rb.jpg
Could it be?!? STAR WARS?!?
Haha. Even funnier twist.
Ding dong. The sheriff’s a- ding dong. Ah said, the sheriff’s a- ding dong.
sheriff arrives
I said the sheriff’s a Cherngelerng and mah name is Alondro!
7329542
That's a Spaceballs reference.