You cock your head. Singing? Uh...what? They're singing. What. Nightshade bounces up and down.
"Daddy! The singings so pretty!" Nightshade squealed. You chuckle, amused. Nightshade shouts again, louder.
"HOLY S**T! YOU SOUND LIKE A MAGESTIC BUCKING EAGLE!" she screams. You face hoof. Oh...Luna tonight is not going to go smoothly, is it?
You can't help but cock your head in confusion and you can't help but wonder why they are singing.
I'm one to talk, I still remember my little "Be Prepared" song I sang for the Diamond dogs. But still, why are they singin- Oh no... are they going to war again?!
As you begin to freak out that the ponies are gonna go to war of course you stop freaking out when you see Nightshade start to hop up and down with stars in her eyes. No, literally, she has stars in her eyes. You notice that this happens whenever she gets really excited, like that one time when you bought her that tub of fudge.
"Daddy! The singing is so pretty!" Nightshade squealed.
You can't help but chuckle at her excited tone.
She's so adorable, I just can't understand why Luna wants her dead, I mean come on! She's a little angel, she doesn't even cur-
"HOLY S**T! YOU SOUND LIKE MAJESTIC MOTHERBUCKING EAGLES!"
You fall on your face in shock when you heard Nightshade scream that, and now there are only two things going though your mind. One is that,
If this is the universe's way of saying that this night will not go smoothly, then message received.
The second thing...
WHOEVER TAUGHT MY DAUGHTER THAT LANGUAGE IS GONNA BE TURNED INTO MINCE MEAT WHEN I GET MY HOOVES ON THEM!!!
You then remember that YOU'RE the one who taught her that language when you took her to the newest Stallion Tarantino film yesterday.
Yeah, Nightshade and I loved the movie, but in retrospect, any movie with ear-cutting, scalping, and a swearing rate of 3 bpm (Bucks per minute) probably isn't exactly foal-friendly...
As you get up, you notice that the singing has stopped, and when you grab your staff that fell you realize why... THEY'RE ALL STARING AT YOU! You begin to chuckle nervously as you realized that Nightshade just interrupted the song. Thinking quickly, you point at a snobby looking unicorn couple with your staff and say,
"They said it!"
Some of the guards come by and take them away as they complain,
"NO, IT WASN'T US! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M THE ONE WHO GIVES YOU YOUR PAYCHECKS!"
You sigh in relief that they bought that, and you're about to go inside, when...
Nightshade bounds for the ponies, but you grab hold of her. She looks up at you with stars in her eyes. "Daddy, don't you want all that you've been wishing for to happen at the Gala?" Before you can answer, she darts forward, dragging you into the crowd of singing ponies. You lose sight of her when she breaks out of your grip, and you drop to the ground, hoping to spot her under the mass of bodies.
This is a mistake.
Your head is kicked around like a soccer ball under the dancing ponies. You manage to crawl away with some semblance of dignity left, and spot Nightshade riding atop Pinkie Pie as she bounces higher and higher while singing about this awesome party.
You see Nightshade HOPPING (Like Pinkie... that can't be good) towards the singing and dancing ponies! Quickly, you rush over to her and you grab her before she gets any closer. She stops hopping and she gives you a adorable look before saying,
"Come on Daddy, don't you want all that you've been wishing for to happen at the Gala?"
Before you even get a chance to respond, She darts forward, and sadly she dragging you with her. You can't help but think as she drags you,
Should I be embarrassed that I can fight a whole town with only minor injuries, but a little filly less than half my size can drag me?
The next thing you know, is that you're in the middle of the crowd of dancing and singing ponies. From what you can hear, they are apparently singing about what they are gonna do at the Gala, but you're more concerned with finding your daughter as you say to yourself.
"Gah! I can't find her with all these singing ponies in my way! Wait a minute, if I get low to the ground, I can spot her tiny hooves among the bigger hooves."
BIGGEST.
MISTAKE.
EVER!
As soon as you got down, your head was turned into a soccer ball. You're literally being kicked around all over the place and you feel like your head was getting blasted by loud heavy metal music while having cue balls dropped on it. Strangely, only your head was hit as you weren't hit anywhere else. You finally managed to get out of that dance mob of death, but you had to crawl out. When you got up you held your head in pain (fortunately, your top hat is still on because you decided and managed to duct tape it onto your head from the inside) as you looked for Nightshade. You finally spot her riding on top of Pinkie like she was a... well... pony.
Ahh, there she is. She's just on the back of one of the ponies that's trying to kill us.
It takes you a couple of seconds to realize what you just thought.
...
*crack*
You begin to panic as you think,
OH SWEET LUNA NO!!! SHE'S ON THE BACK OF ONE OF THE PONIES THAT'S TRYING TO KILL US!
As you panic you don't notice that the song has ended. When you do realize it, you begin to walk towards Pinkie and Nightshade, they appear to be talking to each other. When you get over there you say in a fatherly tone,
"Nightshade, sweetie, there you are!"
Nightshade looks over to you and smiles as she hugs you. You thank Pinkie for finding her, and Pinkie just smiles as she hops away. As you are about to leave, you bump into someling. When you look down you see that it's...
The mane 6 split up to pursue their goals for the night, leaving a certain green and purple dragon standing alone in the courtyard.
"...Or maybe they'll all just run off." Spike sighs in defeat before turning and walking right into you.
"You okay?" Bugzy asks as he helps him up.
"Yeah, just got ditched by my friends... again. Pff, girls." Spike scoffs "I guess i'll just head to Doughnut Joe's for the night while they do their things."
You can't help but feel sorry for the poor guy, and furious at Twilight and her friends for abandoning him for their own selfish wants
The purple dragon from Appleloosa! He looks to be in a bad mood and he's mumbling angrily. Thinking that it's your fault, and not wanting to deal with a angry dragon again, you hold your hoof out towards him and say,
"Sorry bout that, you okay?"
The dragon takes your hoof and you help pull him up. He gives you a thankful nod before saying,
"Yeah, just got ditched by my friends... again, Pfft, mares."
He gives you an annoyed sigh when he says that. Considering that those mares have been hunting you down for awhile, you can't help but agree with him.
"I know what you mean bro. Past couple of days I've had nothing but mare trouble. So trust me when I say I know how ya feel."
Nightshade (who went to retrieve your staff and has been listing to your conversation) says
"Hey, whats that supposed to mean!?"
She then proceeds to pout adorably. You look at her and ruffle her mane while retrieving your staff and chuckling at her antics. You look back over to Spike to see him... staring at Nightshade with a heavy blush on his face. You back and forth between him and Nightshade before you realize what's happening.
Fatherly... instinct... taking.... over.
You think as you look over to Nightshade and say...
Have her sic em' food buffet tables. See how the Nobles like that!
"Nightshade, why don't you go in and start devo-I mean eating at one of the buffet tables, I'll catch up."
Nightshade gets this look in her eyes that screams "FOOD!" and darts into the Gala. You can't help but chuckle and think mischievously.
Ha, take that ponies! All your snobby food will be gone in a manner of minutes...
After that thought you look over to Spike to see he still in his trance. You try snapping him out of it, but nothing works.
Skim some phrases from the How to be a Gentle Colt 101 book to help you blend in better:
So, you decide to try out what you call your "fancy talk" that you learned from the How to be a Gentle Colt 101 book.
"Excuse me, dear sir. But The Equestrian language you fornicator of matriarchs. Are you fluent in its usage?"
You ask while sounding like one of these guys (Hive Mind, you decide what voice you want to her Bugze's "fancy talk" in). A bunch of interested glares from around you tell you that you said it right. The dragon finally snaps out of it and begins to look around wildly while saying,
"Who What Where Why?"
You chuckle a little bit before asking,
"May I inquire for your birth epithet?"
Spike at you for a moment before realizing that your talking to him, before he says,
"Huh?"
"Your name, greeny."
"Oh, my names Spike, what's yours?"
"My names Bug- I mean, uh... El... Hunko! Yeah, El Hunko."
...
El Hunko... really me, that's the best I can come up with?
As you are wondering how stupid you are for coming up with that name, Spike nods his head and then says,
"Well, El Hunko, it was nice meeting you. I hope to see you again. If you need me, I'll be at Doughnut Joe's. Stop by if you feel like having some good ol' doughnuts."
"Indeed Sir Spike. Remember, brethren before wenches."
As Spike is walking away, you can't help but smile and think
Good kid, I'll have to take him up on that offer after I speak with Cadance. But if he ever thinks on making a move on Nightshade...
*snap*
Your eyes glow orange for a second before you calm down and head into the Gala and think,
Well, I'm in the Grand Galloping Gala. From what I've heard from ponies around Canterlot, this is supposed to be the most prestigious party in all of Equestria. Hopefully this will be fun...
23 MINUTES LATER
You and Nightshade realize what many ponies did when they first attend the Grand Galloping Gala.
This Gala sucks!
You've looked all over for Cadance and you can't find her anywhere. You tried to mingle, but all the ponies here are just big snobs. There's no good music to dance too (Don't get it wrong. You love all kinds of music classical included. But you don't want to have to listen to it non stop). Nightshade thinks that the food is tiny, bad, and in small amounts (Of course this is Nightshade talking and she already devoured eight buffet tables. Luckily, the cake table is still full (for some reason, you have gained a love for cake that rivals Celestia)). Right now, you're making your way to the cake table where there's a supreme, ultra, quadruple chocolate, cookie-dough, mint, ice cream cake over there with your name on it. Hopefully this night won't get any worse.
Oh how wrong you were...
What do you do?
Remember your objective: Keep looking for Cadance
Lighten the stuffy atmosphere with a few pranks like tripping somepony with the staff, spiking the punch, duct taping a "[Insert Action Here] me" sign on somepony's back, etc. (perhaps you even unwittingly team with a familiar Rainbow fillyfooler for some of these pranks?)
Somehow get yourself stuck in the line to greet Celestia and barely manage to bluff your way through it (perhaps you see Philomena again).
Your instincts/gut tells you that Pinkie is about to start a musical number. The last time she did that she started a STINKING WAR so find some way to occupy the stage first (perhaps a impromptu rock concert with a certain orange pegasus on guitar?)
-NOTE: Bonus points if you knock Pinkie off the stage with a "Yo, Pinkie, I'ma let you finish (not), but..."
Wander into the garden and get caught in Fluttershy's net. She's rather... upset over none of the animals coming to her, but you remember a fun fact Nightshade randomly telling you (or something you overheard a noblepony say a few minutes ago at the gala) about how the private garden acts as a sanctuary for animals that were victims of poachers, wildlife smugglers, and abuse (thus explaining why they're so shy around ponies)
If anypony asks why you have completely blue eyes and/or why half your face is covered, just cough and claim you have a "condition"
More phrases from the How to be a Gentle Colt 101 book to help you blend in better:
Phrase (Translation):
-Now if you'll excuse me, I require to resume my circumnavigation of the perimeters of this occasion for my acquaintance (Out of my way. Need to look all over gala for my friend)
-Raise your hooves into unoccupied airspace and flail them about as if there were no repercussions! (Put your hands in the air and wave em like you just don't care!)
-Step aside wench, vacate my path. (Move Bitch! Get out the way!)
-A most compelling tale, good sir (Cool story, bro)
-It would be most advisory to scrutinize thyself before thou devastates thyself (Best you check yourself before you wreck yourself.)
BUGZE!!! WTF?!
---
Your quest for cake is thwarted by three servers, two of whom grab the giant cake and sprint out of the hall with it, and the third holds a serving tray in front of him like a shield while never looking away from Nightshade.
"Hey, what gives?"
"Sir, I am going to have to insist that you leave ample food for our other guests to enjoy."
Nightshade snorts. "'Enjoy' is a strong word."
The server glares at her before sticking his nose in the air and walking away. "Then perhaps you should patronize that ruffian outside. The one with those cheap carnival-style excuses for food."
You look at Nightshade while he leaves. "Did he say... cheap?"
Her eyes twinkle. "And... and carnival?"
"Cheap... carnival... food..."
"BUCK YEAH!" Nightshade jumps on your back. 'Hi ho Daddy! AWAY!"
You charge outside, throwing your head side to side until you spot a simple stand. It is covered in pies and cupcakes and turnovers and... and... it is glorious! You sprint forward, and a mare crosses in front of you. You shout, "Step aside wench! Vacate my path!" She quickly steps aside.
You throw on the brakes, skidding to a halt in front of the stall. Nightshade jumps onto the counter and bounces up and down, pointing at all the treats. "Oh! Oh! That one! And that one! And that one! One of everything!"
The pony behind the counter chuckles. "Easy there, missy."
You recognize that voice... No. Not here. Not now. But it is... You just ran right to Applejack.
"So what will it be, sir?"
"NO! Please, just leave me alone! I... what?"
"W-What will it be, sir?" Her eyes are wide, and she's looking at you like you lost your bucking mind.
You wait a heartbeat to make sure you aren't dreaming. Then another to make sure this isn't a trick. Then three more deciding whether or not the other mares are waiting to jump out and grab you. "Um, what can I get for three bits?"
Nightshade gasps. "Oh, that's right. I'm sorry, miss. We don't have enough for everything..."
She jumps off the counter, and Applejack gives her a small smile. "Tell ya what I'll do, missy. Three whole apple pies for three bits. Sound like a deal?"
"YES!" The two of you shout at the same time. They're your last bits, but you are starving. You and Applejack make the trade, and then you're off with Nightshade to enjoy your dinner.
You're about to help yourself to a slice (or ten) of the cake in front of you when Nightshade tackles you to the floor yelling "Daddy NOOOOOO! The cake is a lie!"
Then the cake opens up to reveal a thief hiding within. "Curses!" he yells in a heavy French (Prench?) accent "Mah plans 'ave been foiled once again! But be wary citizens of Equestria, Le Cake Master shall return!" He throws a smoke bomb at the ground, lets the smoke dissipate, and then calmly walks out the front door in full view of everyone.
=====
I've always imagined Bugzy "fancy talk" being either in a high-class British accent (Tyrion Lannister from game of thrones) or a hilarious Australian accent (Sniper from Team fortress 2)
By the way, here are a couple more phrases.
- I have observed what thou hast accomplished (I see what you did there)
- Naysayers gonna nay-say (Haters gonna hate)
A couple chapters ago, when he got caught and (just) managed to get away.
Anyway... just be careful and keep a good lookout. You never know when something is just going to bite you (literally or metaphorically) for any reason or none. Remember, none of the alicorns are deities; otherwise, they'd know where you are, what you're doing, and what your plans are. You've fooled ponies before; do it again, better, this time.
you find nightshade having a food fight with pinkie pie. freaking out you sprint to go get her, but trip over your hooves and fly out the window to find a very scary looking fluttershy rubbing her hooves together evily behind a bush. you decide to go investigate, but you get caught in a net that hat a small tag that says 'acme inc.'
I think you should get a theme song.
I have a few.
choose whatever you like, or don't. I just think it needs a theme song.
4827097 I actually have a theme song, I just...keep on forgetting to put it in....
4827294
On your quest looking for Cadence you walk down a fancy hall (its a castle what hall isn't fancy) when you walk past a door leading out side where you see a certain yellow made laughing maniacally while setting up a net "they will LOVE ME!" She screams out."Welp," you think to yourself,"she's gone insane. As you continue down the hall you see Rarity and some Stallion who seem to both be having seizures, either that or extreme neck spasms. Not wanting to confront the pair of ponies, you turn down the hall where you get caught up in a extremely long line. Two hours later. You finally get to the front where you see the extremely powerful sun goddess that you recently insulted standing right next to the purple unicorn that specifically reserves two hours per day speculating on how to kill you. she reaches out as if to shake your hoof and in a very manly fashion... You scream like a filly and dart right past her. You stop to rest in what seems to be the main ballroom when suddenly a good songs starts to play that you can actually dance to and you start dancing. You seem to be the only one dancing when suddenly your swooped up on stage. When you open your eyes your dancing on the stage right next to...another psychotic mare that wants to bake you into a pastry (whoever said that it would be a bad fanfic idea a couple of chapters ago, sorry I don't remember...insert their name here) was right, that does sound like a cheesy fan fiction idea. Oops, off topic. You seem to be fine when suddenly she turns and gives you a confused look. While you were dancing, one of your sleeves revealing one of your leg holes to Pinkie Pie. Before she can react you say to her. "Ahem, Miss Pie, I kindly request you to look in the other direction for I do believe there is a distraction." And then you sprint away. When you finally think your bad luck has run out your trip over a bunch of apples on the cobblestone path. "howdy sir, let me help you up, while your here would you like to buy some apples, apple pies, apple strudels, or any other apple foods?" Says a familiar voice. "ARGH, I'll buy anything, just don't kill me you say as you remove your bits from the inventory and grab an apple then teleport away in fear. When the spell finishes you find yourself in another part of of the castle standing right in front of...THE WONDERBOLTS! You were like there number one fan while undercover. Bit before you can fanbug over them one of them points above your head were a glass cup is making its way straight towards your hat when suddenly someone catches it from behind you you turn around to thank whoever caught it when you are met with a pair of maroon eyes staring straight at you. "AHHHH, THE RAINBOW FILLYFOOLER!," you run straight past her at speeds that make the Wonderbolts whistle and you here the blue stallion wonderbolt whisper, "she's a fillyfooler, darn". When you finally make it to a room that wasn't occupied when you here two voices coming from the bathroom of the bedroom. When you walk in there you see Cadence brushing Night shades hair while telling her a story. " they haven't noticed you yet so you decide to announce yourself. Well, while you two have become acquainted I have spent NY while night bumping into everyone
4827516 who wants to kill me, well all but one." You say sitting on a chair. When suddenly a dark blue head peeks through the door and says, cadence, are you in here?". Mothers all over equestrian cover there foals wars as the words "BUUUUUUCK YOU LADY LUUUUUUUUUCK" ring out across the land
Sorry it split I accidentally hit add comment to early
The most intense chapter? Hmm... the Appaloosa battle.
Do a Lex Luthor impression on anyone who crosses you. They'll just crack down in self pity.