You are a changeling lost in the Everfree forest a couple of weeks after the failed invasion attempt at the royal wedding. You're not the brightest changeling out there and you tend to be really clumsy. You only have two goals in your mind right now, one is to get out of this blasted forest, and when you do get out, try not to get captured. Your whole kind is wanted by the royal guard after all.
[New} BY Episode 14 I have a editor, so give thanks by then to Jeray2000 for it, check him out and other stories he's edited for here
lNew]New} Episode 33 was edited by Kersey475. He/she will be substituting for my editor until he gets back from his trip. So give credit to him for awhile ok.
[New]New]New} The cover image belongs to forevertheDoctor, not me.
It was a beginning of a new day in Equestria. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and it's been a few days since the failed Changeling assault on the Royal Wedding. With their defeat at the hooves of Princess Cadence and Shining Armor's combined love, life seemed to be returning to normal in Equestria. As for the changelings, well they were all blasted off to the badlands outside of Equestria. All of them... except you. You have been stranded in a dark and evil looking forest (*cough* Everfree Forest *cough*) for a few days now with utterly no clue as to where you are or even how to get out.
You hear voices coming from your right so you quickly dash to a nearby bush using your elite stealth skills... By that I mean you trip and fall into a bush. You peer out of the bush to see two ponies, one is a purple unicorn with a star-like cutie mark, and the other is orange earth pony with apples for a cutie mark. Your memory is still a bit fuzzy after the failed invasion, but you swear you've seen them before, *ding* A light bulb suddenly appears over your head as you say
"Now I remember! Those two where the ones who kicked everylings-!"
You quickly clap your hooves over your mouth when you realize your outburst and begin to panic when you see them turn towards your hiding spot.
"This is bad, really really bad." You whisper to yourself, "OK I need a plan and fast, if those two find out I'm here then my goose is cooked!"
You began to look around your hiding spot in hope of finding something you can use to escape. Nope, nothing, not a stinking thing around you that you could use to help you.
"Guess I just have to use my quick thinking and massive assortment of skills to escape..." You say to yourself.
...
"I'm doomed." You say sadly before you begin to do what any reasonable person does in the face of impeding doom. You curl up into a fetal position and began to cry to your mommy.
"*sob* WHY DOES LADY LUCK HATE ME?! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!! WAHHHH!!!"
You stop your crying when you see the ponies are only a couple feet away. You can’t hear exactly what they are saying, but you hear the purple unicorn mention “changelings”, "hunt", and “princess.” Your eyes widen in pure fear as it doesn't take a dictionary to figure out that their conversation will NOT be pleasant for you.
I need to get the buck outta here! But how? HOW?!
You began to freak out about your impending doom as dozens of different outcomes go though your mind. They range from waterboarding, to dismemberment, to tickling, and to smashing a cake in front of you until you just thought of the most disturbing one. This one is so ghastly that you yourself are ashamed to even be thinking it:
You. Tied to a chair. And forced to watch the most disgusting show in the history of Equestria. It's... oh god why that show. It's... MY LITTLE HUMAN!
That show is just... so... STUPID! Why the hay do grown stallions and mares watch that girly show?! I mean it's about six humans who discover the "magic" of freindsh*snap!*
"What was that?" You say to yourself. You realize that while you were complaining about *shiver* that show, the ponies had stopped talking and you don't even hear their footsteps anymore. Hoping that they left to go investigate another part of the forest, you looked up...
Only to see huge, purple eyes right in your face! Both you and the pony stare at each other for a few moments before you do the greatest thing any changeling will ever do if they are caught... you scream like a little filly right into the pony's face. This causes the pony to start screaming as well! Thinking fast, you quickly throw dirt into the pony's eyes... And by that I mean you accidentally kicked dirt into the pony's eyes when you stumbled back and tripped. She (now that she's closer, you can actually tell that she is most definitely a she) falls backwards and begins to rub her eyes in pain.
You didn't mean for that to happen, but before you can apologize and run, you notice that the orange pony from before is charging straight towards you with pure rage in her eyes,
"You varmint! When I get my hooves on you..."
Deciding that you didn't what to hear the rest of her threat you whirl around and gallop for your life. You gallop as fast as your hole-filled legs can which isn't much cause you know, holes in your legs and all. You somehow managed to dodge all the branches and rocks blocking your path which causes you to comment,
"Huh, maybe lady luck is finally on my side for once."
After running for a while, you briefly turn your head to see if the enraged pony is still after you.
"Yes!," you say to yourself in triumph as you don't see her. "Lady luck must really be on my si*Crash*Owwwwwww"
When you turned around to check and see if you were still being chased, you somehow managed to crash into a tree.
"Ughhh, stupid tree" you mumble to yourself angrily, "Why must my luck be so bad all the stinking time?"
Suddenly, you hear a scream coming from your left. It sounds like a mare and she may be in trouble, but is the risk of being caught by those ponies worth seeing why that mare is screaming? Or, should you stay were you are and hide so that you might live a little longer...
Seeing as how you were never really that great at the whole "evil" thing (or anything for that matter), you decide to rush toward the scream and help out.
As you began to think about your predicament, you start to realize something. Not just about how you even got into this problem in the first place, but how you've gotten into at least dozens of situations like this; It was all because you were trying to be a good little evil minion. Almost everything you've ever done in your life was related to missions and training for missions for the Hive and what did that get you? Nothing but mocking, bruises, and (if you were lucky) half-flanked backhanded compliments (and that was just if you didn't fail a mission).
"Well... That's all about to change." You say to yourself.
Taking a heroic pose (or trying to do so without face-planting at least) as this song starts to play in the background (you don't know from where, but it sounds nice), you vow,
"I swear to Queen- Wait, no, not her, at least not any more..."
You pause for a few seconds to rack your brain before you continue,
" I swear to Princess... Luna, yeah that's it, I swear to Princess Luna that from this day onward, I will do everything In my power to help others no matter the cost!" You say to yourself with fire in your eyes. After finishing your awesome vow, you head to where you think you heard the scream from before...
And immediately get lost. You've been galloping in the same direction for (what you believe to be) twenty minutes now so you say to yourself,
"Gah! Lost again?! Whoever was screaming has to be saved or dead by now. Oh well, back to square one-"
You're interrupted when you hear the scream again! This time it's alot closer now, so you begin to run towards the scream, but you trip over something and face-plant into a tree root. As you get up while rubbing your face in pain, you see what you tripped over... a sewing kit?
Sewing always was one of the few things I'm good at. This might come in hoofy later.
You think before picking up the sewing kit and then continue to go towards the scream. You get lost a few more times (you have a terrible sense of direction) before you finally get to where the scream was at. You walk out of the trees and come across a open field with a no monsters at all. In fact, the only living being in sight is a pony in the middle of the field.
The pony is a white unicorn with purple hair and three diamonds for a cutie mark. She (at least you assume it's a she based on her scream) appears to be crying over a... torn dress. She doesn't appeared to have noticed you yet...
Transform to some cool stallion. Like a hero in shining armor and fix her dress.
You decide that since you obviously can't just walk up to her in your default changeling form (at least, not without being squashed on sight) the best course of action for this problem is to transform into a stallion to help her. You imagine a stallion with brown fur, light-blue eyes, and a black mane/hair as you're briefly covered in green flames. You look over to your left and find a conveniently placed shared of glass on the ground next to you. You look at your reflection in it to see if you got the image right and you must say, you look like a very handsome stallion. You're about to go over to the poor mare to see if you can help when...
Suddenly remembering that the unicorn was one of the six mares who was kicking everyone's flank (you somehow had the bad luck of being the only changeling to get beat down by all six of them while the other changelings went down in one hit from one pony each), you decide to tread carefully and smoothly in the form of a handsome stallion carrying the sewing kit... and by that I mean you did what you THOUGHT ponies considered "smooth" and "handsome" but end up looking "adorkable" (endearingly awkward and clumsy) instead and somehow manage to injure yourself with the contents of the kit.
You suddenly remember that the unicorn was one of the six mares who was kicking everyone's flank back at the wedding! You remember them very well due to the fact somehow had the bad luck of being the only changeling to get beat down by all six of them (the other changelings usually went down after a few hits. Your durability always was a little higher than the average changeling's, but that just meant you got hit with things more often). You start to panic about actually helping her (you still have the needle marks from the invasion) but you stand fast decide to go and help her anyway. You made a vow to help others. remember?
You walk out of the bushes you were hiding in with smoothness and swagger (and by that we mean you walked out with what you thought was smoothness and swagger, but you actually just look silly) , but you somehow mange to trip on your own hooves and land face-first into the ground.
"OWWWWWWWWWWW!!"
Unfortunately, you also managed to fall right on top of the sewing kit, which gets you some brand new needle marks in places you'd really rather not mention. You look up to see the mare... still crying over the fabric, not noticing your pain at all. Ouch. You quickly get up, dust off all the dirt, and painfully remove the needles before you walk (in all honesty, it's more of a limp now) over to the mare and say in your best "cool dude" voice,
"Need some help Ma'am?"
The mare looks at you with tears in her eyes and says,
"Oh yes please! You see, I was on my way to a friend's house, she lives in this forest you see, when the, WORST. POSSIBLE. THING. HAPPENED!!!" The mare screamed dramatically... right into your ears.
After making sure that your ears are still working, you ask her,
"May I ask what exactly happened?"
"This..." she holds up the dress as this continues "Once beautiful masterpiece, made by yours truly, got ripped when I had a bit of a, how do you say, tumble." She says sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head with her hoof.
Remembering that you found a sewing kit, you tell her,
"No worries. I think I can patch this up with this sewing kit here."
"Well... all right, but be careful to not ruin it more then it already is... if you could that is." She told you politely. You take out the sewing kit and begin to work on fixing the dress.
ONE PAINFUL SEWING SESSION LATER
After minutes using your blood, (literally you stabbed yourself with the needle a few times) sweat and tears you finally finish patching the dress. The mare takes the dress with her magic and begins to examine the repair job.
"Hmmmm, it could use a few touch-ups, but overall it is very well done. Thank you so much darling, is there anything I can do to repay you?"
You're about to tell her that you don't want anything and that helping her was a reward itself when you hear...
"RARITY! GET AWAY FROM THAT VARMINT!!!"
Uh oh...
What the heck do you do!
[FIXED] Episode 3: Failing to Be Calm, Oh Well...RUNNING SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA!!!!!
Suddenly, transform into a giant Prince Blueblood and bombard her with hatred.
Ah screw taking this seriously, panic and turn into an eldritch abomination and eat Applejack's hat. Why? Why not.
As the orange earth pony glares at you angrily, you think in panic,
Come on brain! Think of something... anything! Transform into Crono! No... Love the game, but he doen't exist. Turn into Cthulhu and eat the pony's hat! No... That's just stupid, I can only turn into other ponies (at least that's I think they said back in school, probably shouldn't have skipped or slept through most of my clasess...) and why would I just eat her hat? A giant Prince Blueblood!
...
What?! I don't even know who the hay that is! You have failed me, brain!
You're finally snapped out of your mental rambling when you hear an angry snort and realize that the enraged earth pony that has kicked your flank already, was still in front of you. The white unicorn mare you helped out earlier (Rarity, if you remember from the orange pony's shout from earlier) looks at the angry mare and asked,
"Applejack darling, why have you called this ever so helpful gentlecolt a varmint?"
The orange pony (Applejack apparently) points at you accusingly and says,
"Rarity this, 'helpful stallion' as you say, is a no-good changeling in disguise!"
As if the world just loved to see you in pain, your transformation ran out (your disguise spell always was unreliable) and you changed back into to your old buggy self... Right in front of the two mares! Rarity was looking at you with pure horror and a bit of... betrayal? While Applejack was looking at you with smugness and pure fury...
Huh, didn't think it was possible to show those two emotions at the same time...
You look between each of the mares in pure fear and think of the stupidest thing you can do to save your flank...
That's Applejack, right? Kiss her.
Passion kiss with Rarity like prince kiss a princess.
I know, distract them with a Big Darn Surprise Prench Kiss... NO! That's even stupider you dumbflank bug! Although I will admit, not as stupid as... *shiver* On second thought let's not go down memory lane at the moment. Besides, Applejack is too far away and I don't want to make a bad impression on Rarity so soon. Need another plan, and fast!
...
*Ding*
Seeing no other way to avoid the train of pain coming your way, you do the only logical thing you can think of and grab the white unicorn. Holding her between you and your attacker, you proudly proclaim "This is my meat-shield! There are many like her, but this one's mine!"
Point in a random direction and yell "LOOK! A DISTRACTION!" Then try to fly away, but the rainbow blur from your nightmares slams into you during your escape.
In desperation, you quickly grab Rarity hold her in front of you like a shield. Rarity is frozen in shock and Applejack... let's just say you didn't know orange could be so red. You quickly mumble "sorry" to Rarity and then scream to Applejack,
"THIS IS MY MEAT-SHIELD! THERE ARE MANY LIKE HER, BUT THIS ONE'S MINE!!!"
Applejack looks stunned at your outburst so you hurl Rarity at her. Rarity screams at the top of her lungs and smashes right into Applejack. While they're both stunned, you quickly turn around and flee in the opposite direction that Applejack came from. Before you can run though you look to your left and see a manticore looking at you. Thinking quickly you point in the opposite direction of where you are running as well as away from the two ponies (you don't want to kill them after all. Vow to be good, remember?) and yell,
"LOOK! A DISTRACTION!"
The manticore, luckily, falls for it and runs after the fake distraction. You nod to yourself in triumph, before remembering there are two angry mares who will soon be after you so you get out of there as fast as possible. After hours of running you come across a old looking castle. It looks like it hasn't been taken care of for a while. You see a bridge going into the castle.
Quick! Hide under the bridge, they'll never look there.
You can hear the angry mares getting closer to your location. You think fast and you start to run for the bridge at full speed. You are have way to the bridge when you notice something interesting about whats under the bridge...ITS A 50 FOOT DROP!!!! You immediately come to a screeching halt. You stop right on the edge of the cliff, barely stopping yourself from falling off the cliff. Once you regain your balance, you sigh to yourself in relief. You immediately thank Luna's moon for not falling off the cliff. But, you suddenly hear the angry screams of the mares again and they are closer then before.
run to the other side of the bridge then cut the ropes with your magic
You look at the bridge and your pretty sure that it can't even hold a fly for a second. You juggle your options, you either get pulverized by two angry mares and then probably sent to a dungeon for the rest of your buggy life, or probably fall to a quick and painless death. *Crash*thud*crack* and that was the sound of a tree being crushed by something either very big, or something very, very, MAD! Well...to the bridge!
You run across the bridge as fast as you can. Luckily, the bridge is stronger then it looks, so you manege to make across safely. As soon as you make it over to the other side, you immediately begin to use your magic to cut the ropes. *Snap* you watch as the bridge falls down into the dark abyss. You run inside the castle and shut the two huge doors closed. You sigh in relief that you might actually make it though this. But, what do you do now?
You then go into the castle to try to find something to eat. All that running made you hungry (also, it's a little known fact that changelings can temporarily stave off hunger with normal food, but love IS necessary for survival)
*Rumble* that would be the sound of your stomach wanting food. You sigh to yourself at how unlucky you are. But for some strange reason this isn't your love hunger sound, this is your "real food now" sound. You wonder on how that's possible, seeing as how you been running for the whole day, but decide to worry about it later. "Its a long shot" you say to yourself, " but there might be food here." You begin to look all over the place, but you can't find any food. Well...edible food at least, lets just say you found the kitchen of this place, and the food there is way under cooked.
After for what felt like hours, you appear to have found the main hallway. In the center of the room there are two statues, one looks like a fountain top that looks like it used to hold six objects. The other statue looks like a pegasus standing on its back hooves, and also crying maybe with its front hooves. For some odd reason you really don't want to look away from the statue, but you ignore it when you see something even weirder then the statue. At the very far end of the hallway you see what looks like armor that looks like this ->
You don't have a clue as to what you should do now. That and the pegasus statue is starting to give you the creeps.
What do you do?
Episode 5: DON'T BLINK, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T BLINK!!!!!
you remember why that statue gives you the creeps ITS A WEEPING PEGASUS FROM DOCTOR WHOOVES
for the love of luna do not look away from the statue pegasus and trust your instincts,
You suddenly remember why that statue gives you the creeps...ITS A WEEPING PEGASUS FROM DOCTOR WHOOVES!! You know this because Doctor Whooves is one of your all time favorite show. It was on of the few shows you were able to watch at the hive, in secret of course because your ex-queen banned TV's. You never did get to find out why... OH SHOOT IT MOVED. The weeping pegasus is now closer to you then it was before. It must have moved closer to you when you looking at he armor.
"Oh shoot, oh shoot, what was the way to stop these guys from moving again?" You ask yourself in a panicked tone, "What was it, what was it, ohhhh if I don't remember it soon I'm dead meat!" You really don't want to get sent back in time. You don't think you go two minutes in the past before you somehow mess up the future.
At this moment, a brown stallion with an hourglass cutie-mark runs up to you. That statue behind you; don't look away from it! he yells "Whatever you do, don't look away. Don't even blink!
You suddenly hear this sound coming from your left. You look away from the weeping statue, not noticing it moving closer to you when you looked away, and see...holy mother of Luna...IT"S THE TARDIS!!! You have no idea how it is even possible that it even real. The doors open and a brown stallion with an hourglass cutie-mark runs out of the tardis and looks directly at the weeping pegasus. He yells at you, still not looking away from the statue,"Whatever you do, don't look away. Don't even blink!" You follow the Doctor's advice, (*fanboy/girl giggling*) so you look back at the statue.
It's been hours now and you still haven't blinked. Your pretty sure the Doctor left a while ago. You feel your eyes growing heavier each second. You don't know how much longer you have, but you start to fell your eyes closing. "No" you say to yourself tiredly, " I'm to young to di..."
"Iiiiiieeee??" You open your eyes to see that you aren't in the past, but you are on the floor. You get off the floor quickly and look around, trying to see if the weeping pegasus is still here. When you realize that its not here you breath a sigh of relief. "Huh, must have been a dream all along." You say to yourself, then you chuckle at the thought of your dream being real. You probably fell asleep when you got into the hallway from exhaustion. You look over to the corner and see that the armor is still there. Your curiosity getting the better of you, you decide to walk over to it. When you walk over there, you don't notice a brown stallion walking into a blue box with a strange statue on his back.
Put on the armor
Your shapeshifting already failed once, so you can't trust it to keep you hidden forever. Try putting the armor on to disguise yourself.
When you get to the armor you decide to put it on, but before you even get a chance to put the armor on, a thought enters your mind..
dont trust the armour, dont trust the armour!!!!!!!!
You don't really know why this armor is here, and it might be cursed or something like that. You don't want to take any chances with this armor, but you also want to keep it just in case you need protection or something like that. But you don't have anything to carry it*smack*owwwww. Something just smacked you in the head. You look over at the thing that hit you...and its just a saddle bag. Wait, how that hit you. You begin to wonder this but then you notice a note sticking on it. It says
Dear #^%$@$#, I know that you are trying to change your ways. So here is a gift to help you do that. The saddle bag I have given you is bottomless. It can hold anything, no matter how big or small the object is. When you want to take something out of it. All you have to do is think of the item you want. I hope this gift will help you in the future. Signed, A Friend
Well this is highly convenient. You wonder who this "Friend" is, but decide to worry about it later, for now you have a saddle bag to test out. You pick up the armor with your magic and try to put in into the saddle bag. *Pop* it worked... oh my Luna, it actually worked!! You dance around like a drunken idiot who just won the lottery. After you finally stop dancing, you pick up your new saddle bag and begin to look for...what exactly?
Leave and explore the castle, looking for anything that may improve your standing among the ponies (or at the very least, make them less likely to banish you to the sun or (*gasp*) strap you down and force you to watch "The Last Spellbender", "Freddy Got Hooved", "Garbage Pail Foals", and "My Little Human" in an endless loop)
You decide to look around the castle for anything that may improve your standing among the ponies, or at the very least, make them less likely to banish you to the sun or*gasp*strap you down and force you to watch "The Last Spellbender", "Freddy Got Hooved", "Garbage Pail Foals", and "My Little Human" in an endless loop. *Shiver*you shudder at just the thought of it. You are just about to give up looking, seeing as its been hours since you started looking, you finally come across something useful. A library, a sweet sweet library (one of your favorite pastimes is reading mystery novels.) Now...what to look up?
Build a book fort, then read some books to help you defend yourself without hurting the offender, and then read some Sherclop Hooves.
You suddenly have the intense urge to build a book fort...so you do. You build the book fort out of all the the broken books, and books that are either unreadable or the words were to faded to read. You stack so that it touches the ceiling, and you made sure that it covered the doorway in. That way only you, or someling with alot of strength, can open the door. Satisfied with your hoovy work, you turn around to look around the library some more.
You must find a way to defend yourself against the ponies until they understand you have changed your ways. However, you have to avoid hurting them. Find a book on etiquette and learn the Royal Canterlot Voice.
and as for what book to read...... pony culture, ways to servive in the everfree, spells ect.
maybe there's a 'how to be a gentle stallion 101' . Though some of the books might be outdated.
You don't know how, but when you where looking for the spells section of the library (which is alot bigger then you thought it was), you somehow manage to walk into the etiquette and princess tricks section. Seeing as how you want to be more "pony-like" the next time you have a chat with a pony, if they don't beat the tar out of ya first, that is. You spend the next hour or so reading any books that will help you. You also read a book called 'Royal Canterlot Voice For Dummies' written by Sunny Star, and you learn how to do the RCV (Royal Canterlot Voice).
*learned RCV*
You also find a book called 'How to be A Gentle Colt 101', it doesn't tell who the author is. You decide to put both books into the bottomless saddle bag, and then you continue to look for the spells section.
Read Sherclop Holmes all of them...
A few hours later you stumble upon a old looking shelf. Its in the far corner of the library, away from the rest of the books. Your curiosity getting the better of you (again), you decide to go check it out. When you get over to the shelf, your jaw literally falls to the ground. On the shelf is the complete set of the original Sherclop Holmes. All stinking four novels, and all fifty-six short stories! You fell as if you are going to faint at any second. *Thud*...huh... apparently you did faint.
You wake up and immediately grab the first novel, "A Study in Scarlet," and begin to read it.
8 HOURS LATER!!!!!!
*Thud* finally after eight hours of reading you finish the first novel. You decide that you should just stuff the rest of the books into your bottomless saddle bag for later. After that you continue your search for the spell section.
Read a spellbook for Forcefield and Teleport!
After a few more hours you finally find the spell section. Only to find that it has been completely destroyed. You fanatically look all over the place, only to find burned books and craters. After a few more hours of searching the destroyed section, there is only one thing you can say...
*Crash* only for something to suddenly fall on your head. You look down at want fell on you (as well as rubbing your head), only to see a book called 'Forcefield and Teleport for Young Colts and Fillies' You thank Luna's Moon for your luck that it didn't get destroyed like all the other spell books. Grinning like there's no tomorrow you begin to read the book.
*Learned Teleport* *Learned Forcefield*
You are about to try out your new spells when you hear something you thought you wouldn't hear for a while. "A'h telling ya Rarity, this is the only place that no good varmint could have went." That's Applejack's voice...PANIC-MODE ENGAGED!!!!! You look around for a place that you can hide in. You start to wonder how they got though your book fort, but then remember what happened to that tree from before. You start to desperately look for a hiding spot.
See if you can fit yourself into the saddlebag-of-holding-stuff. You never know when you might need a place to hide.
....Your desperate, but not that desperate!! You don't know if the bottomless saddle bag (You really need to give this thing a name) can hold living things. Besides, you don't know if you can get out ounce you go into it. So you are trapped in the library with both Applejack and Rarity. They are looking for you and your pretty much toast.
What do you do?
Episode 7: Escape The Library...Into Something Much, Much Worse!!!!
Oh snap, they're looking for you. Time to stealth it up Metal gear style.
You look around for a hiding spot when you see...a box. There's nothing special about this box, its just a normal, everyday box. Suddenly, you have a flash-back to when you played a game called 'Metal Gear Solid.' In it, you played as a soldier who had to infiltrates a nuclear weapons facility to neutralize the terrorist threat from FOXHOUND, a renegade special forces unit. It was sent in the "fake" human world (yes, you believe in humans...deal with it.) You remember how the main character, Solid Snake, would hide in a box to sneak past enemies. You decide that if it can work in the video game, then it must work in real life.
After you get under the box, you begin to sneak towards the entrance of the library when suddenly you see, though a hole you poked though the box with your horn to see, Applejack coming your way. You immediately stop in your tracks, hold your breath, and not move a single bone of your buggy body. You see Applejack look at your box for a second, then continue to walk past you. You silently cheer in your head when suddenly you feel an itch on your snout(that's what there called...right?) You try to cover you snout before you sneeze, but its to late.
Uh oh...you really hate lady luck right now. Your pretty sure you can hear Applejack galloping back to where you are. You are about to make a run for it when the box you are under suddenly gets lifted up. "!" You look behide you to see a grinning Applejack, and you don't see Rarity so she probably went to look for you in another part of the castle. "Gotcha ya no good varmint" Applejack says to you with a glare.
Use your newfound teleporting powers to hide, and remain hidden, until they get tired and leave.
You think quickly and use your new found teleport power to teleport away from Applejack before she can land any blow on you. Unfortunately for you, you only teleport a couple feet away from her, and right on top of Rarity who probably came to the library when you sneezed. "Oh get off of me you brute before you make me do something very unladylike to you!" Rarity threatens you with, and seeing as how you still have the needle marks from the invasion to know that shes not bluffing, you get off her.
Command them to "HOLD!" in your Royal Canterlot Voice.
You see Applejack and Rarity running straight towards you. Thinking quickly, you use your RCV to stop them. You focus your magic on your voice and yell "HOLD" Applejack and Rarity both stop in their tracks in shock. Taking advantage of their shock you continue.
"I'VE BEEN RUNNING FROM YOU PONIES FOR LONG ENOUGH. NOW, WE ARE ALL GOING TO SIT DOWN AND TALK LIKE RESPONSIBLE PONIES, AND YOU BOTH WILL LIKE IT...UNDERSTAND!!"
Rarity shakes her head and starts to sit down, but Applejack apparently thinks otherwise. "Now you hold it right there you varmint, I've had enough of you and having to chase you around, now I'm gonna grab you, tie you up, and haul your buggy butt back to Ponyville." Applejack then charges at you, with the intent to do harm. You don't think the RCV is going to work again, so you do the next best thing.
get your buggy butt out of there with teleport, who knows you might accidentally pop up alongside Luna while she's having a bath.
You focus all your magic into your horn. Then you make sure that you have your bottomless saddle bag, which you now name it 'The Inventory', and then you look at Applejack with a smirk and say "Later girl" and then you go *poof*. You closed your eyes when you used your teleport, and you can't see a thing. But for some odd reason, it is now extremely hot and you hear singing. You open your eyes to see that you are in a bathroom. You see the crest of the moon all over the place. You then add one and one together....you then freeze in fear. You are either in a Luna fan bathroom or...YOUR IN PRINCESS LUNA'S BATHROOM, AND SHES IN HERE WITH YOU. You really really Hate lady luck right now.
Oh God. Get out of there. NOW! Or else... you don't really want to stick around to find out what else. If she doesn't notice you right away, try teleporting outside the door and morph into a servant in the castle. This will let you escape detection until you are out of the castles.
Thinking quickly, you teleport outside of Luna's bathroom and into her room. You are about to change into a random pony and pretend to be a servant, when you notice something about the princess room. It is jock full of video games. Your jaw drops to the full andd you begin too drool a little bit, considering how much you love video games. Luna has games from what you can see, dating back all the way to when the Nintendo 64 came out. You have to force yourself not to just grab every single one and put them all into The Inventory. You made a vow to Luna, who is only one door away from finding you by the way, to be good and your pretty sure that stealing is bad.
You suddenly hear the shower go off in the room next to you. It is then that you realize that you are a changeling, in one of the most powerful beings on the plant bedroom. You need a plan and fast. You hear hoof steps coming your way. "Ok" you say to yourself. "I need a plan right now!" ... ... ... *ding*
take the form of a Royal Guard Earth Pony that you remember subduing during Queen Chrysalis's failed attack (and by that, you mean said guardpony had somehow accidentally knocked himself out right in front of you without you even lifting a hoof). You then search the castle for an exit, but run right into the guardpony that you're impersonating...
You remember a Royal Guard Earth Pony that you subdued during Queen Chrysalis's failed attack (and by that, you mean said guard pony had somehow accidentally knocked himself out right in front of you without you even lifting a hoof). You quickly transform into him, right before Princess Luna walked out of the bathroom. She looks at you and raises a eyebrow and asked "What are thou doing my room solider?" You see your reflation from the mirror from the bathroom to see that you are a day gaurd, not one of Luna's night guards!
Thinking quickly, you tell her that Princess Celestia has requested that her dear sister meet her in the throne room. "Why does my sister wish to meet with me?" Luna asks with suspicion in her eyes. "I don't know mam...something about the changelings I think." You lie to the Princess. She stares at you for a few more seconds before saying "All right. I suppose it must be something very important if it involves the changelings, thank you solider." And with that she teleports out of the room. You sigh in relief that that actually worked when you realized that you just lied to the princess of the stinking moon. you know that even if you make it out of this castle alive, that you are a dead man no matter what when she finds out what happened.
You walk out of Luna's room only to hit something with the door on your way out. When you look to see what you, only to see that you hit your clone. Wait you don't have a clone, so that must mean one thing....YOU JUST KNOCK OUT THE PONY YOU ARE DISGUISED AS!!!! You quickly hide the body in Luna's room and begin to run away like there's no tomorrow. You run past other guards and servants, but you don't care all you care about right now is getting out of here before its to late. You would have kept running if you didn't happen to run right into someling.
You begin to rumble off how sorry you are when you notice just who you ran into. Your jaw jumps to the ground, and you wet yourself a little. You feel as if time itself has slowed down. You also here this music playing in your head, which you find at this to be very fitting. She then speaks in a kind voice that you can't help but feel dread because of it.
"Are you okey, my little pony?" You just ran into Princess Celestia, the most powerful being in the universe. You are dead meat buggy meat, but still dead. Oh and you really hate lady luck.
What can you do?
Episode 9: Cover Blown! Running Away From The Royal Guard!!!
Just play it cool. Celestia wouldn't have referred to you as "[her] little pony" if she realized who you were. Just cool it and remain calm, use your wits to get you out of this.
You calm down form your almost panic-attack when you realize that Celestia called you "her little pony." You calm down enough to see that she is still waiting for you to answer her question. Thinking quickly you get up and salute to her. You tell her that you are fine and you were just in a rush. She smiles sweetly at you and asks "I'm glad that you are okay my little pony, but please tell me why you in shush a rush?"
Oh no reason, just running away from Princess Luna's room that just so happens to have a knocked out stallion that looks just like me in it. You think to yourself sarcastically, Oh, and did I mention that I'm a changeling too. You shake your head to clear your thoughts, you need to focus on making up a excuse as to why you are in shush a rush. You can't think of anything sadly, so you guess that this is your do*ding*.
Pull one of the Sherclop Holmes books out of the inventory. Tell Celestia you always wanted to give the series a try, and you would really like to get back to your quarters and read it if she doesn't mind. Don't forget to call her "Your Highness."
You just remembered that you have the entire Sherclop Holmes series, as well as all fifty-six short stories, inside The Inventory. You remember that you have to think of the object that you want in order to take it out of The Inventory, so you think about the first book of the series, "A Study in Scarlet," and you pull it out of the saddle bag.
You show Princess Celestia the book and tell her "I'm sorry your highness, but you see I just found this book in the library and I've always wanted to give it a try, so I was rushing to get to my room to read it." She similes again and says "Oh that's wonderful, its nice to see you interested in reading such a lovely tale." She then begins to walk away from you, but turns around and says "Well, I wont keep you any longer, enjoy the book."
Tell Princess Celestia that Princess Luna wants to meet her in Luna's quarters. Celestia "buys it" (remember, this is Princess Celestia and you're not exactly Loki when it comes to lies) and leaves.
Before she gets to far, you decide to make sure that she doesn't end up meeting Luna, you know, because Luna believes that Celestia wants to meet her in the throne room. Seeing as how you don't want Luna and Celestia to find out you lied, you quickly tell another lie to save your buggy butt. "Oh your highness, Princess Luna would like to meet with you in her quarters." You lie to the stinking sun princess. You now know that if the dungeons food doesn't kill you, two very angry princess will.
Celestia looks at you with suspicion, and your afraid that you have been caught buggy hoofed, when she smiles and says "All right, lets see what Lu Lu wants." With that she begins to walk towards Luna's room.
Run like all hell towards the guard barracks, because you have a plan.
When she is far away enough, you begin to gallop like there's no tomorrow towards the guard barracks because you have a plan. A plan so good that not even your clumsiness can stop it from working. All you need to do is find the barracks...hopefully your memory is a little better then it was a few days (it has been days right, you can't tell anymore).
You have been galloping for the past few minutes (hours? days? you really need to find a watch) since you began to look for the barracks. You could have sworn it was around here somewhere. "Aha" you say to yourself, "There it is." You walk up to the barracks to see that there are two guards, well, guarding the barracks. You walk up to them and salute, then you quickly walk into the barracks and shut the doors be hide you.
You begin to search for this old looking spell book that you saw in here during the invasion. You finally found it after a couple of minutes next to a desk with a photo of the bride and groom that your ex-queen invasion plan centered around. You look at the picture with guilt, the next chance you get, if ever, you are going to apologizes to them. You then look at the book to see that it is titled "Stun Spells and You." You don't want to take the chance of getting caught reading it from the real guards, so you put it into The Inventory.
"Stun Spells and You" added to inventory.
start to feel relived, but you feel like you're forgetting somet- OH BUCK! THE GUARD'S BODY IS STILL IN LUNA'S ROOM!!!
You start to feel relived, but you feel like you're forgetting somet- OH BUCK! THE GUARD'S BODY IS STILL IN LUNA'S ROOM!!! You are about to make a run for it when suddenly you are surrounded by guards. You start to panic, which causes your transformation to stop so your back to your buggy self, when you come up with a idea. It worked in the creepy forest, so it might work here. You activate your RCV and scream...
Also, if your disguise breaks, yell "LOOK, A DISTRACTION!" and run.
"LOOK A DISTRACTION!!!"
You are surprised that it worked, because you honestly thought it wouldn't work. All the guards look in the opposite direction of you. So you take this chance to...RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!! You run for a good few minutes when you get pulled into a dark room with a hoof covering your mouth, which you notice the the fur color is pink. You are terrified that you might have been caught, when you hear her, you can now confirm that the pony who grabbed you is a she, whispers to you.
"Be quiet if you ever want a chance of redemption."
You know that voice, but from where. Then, it suddenly hits you..that's the..oh no. Its the STINKING BRIDES VOICE. FROM THE WEDDING.
She's offering what you want! Stay the **** quiet!
...MAKE NO NOISE! BE AS SILENT AS A GRAVE!
Stay quite, it seems like the best option, I mean, if she is offering you a chance of redemption, assuming thats not to be killed for you 'crimes' then Go with it
Do as she says, but be ready to teleport away the very second something goes wrong.
In spite of your urge to panic, a rational thought comes to mind; you realize that if the bride really wanted to harm you, she wouldn't be bothering with stealth and would've just turned you over already. You decide to hear her out (while also apologizing for the whole "almost ruining her wedding" thing), but keep an eye out for a potential exit while readying your magic for another teleportation spell.
In spite of your urge to panic, a rational thought comes to mind; you realize that if the bride really wanted to harm you, she wouldn't be bothering with stealth and would've just turned you over already. So you decide to stay as quiet as a grave. But, you keep an eye out for a potential exit while readying your magic for another teleportation spell just in case something goes wrong. You hear on the other side of the door a bunch of hoof-steps gallop by, as well as ponies shouting orders to one another to find the "evil" changeling.
A couple of minutes pass by before the bride removes her hoof from your snout. It's still to dark to see anything, so you can't tell if she moved away from you or not. Suddenly, the lights turn on in the room and you can finally see the bride. Aaaaand shes a alicorn....HOW DUMB WAS YOUR EX-QUEEN THAT SHE ACTUALLY TRIED TO REPLACE A STINKING ALICORN!!! You just can't understand how that was a good idea. You start to debate with yourself on how dumb your ex-queen is, when the bride coughs to get your attention. You look at her and you ask her why she saved you.
"The reason why I helped you was so that I can have my revenge on you for almost ruining my wedding, any last words?" She asks you with a threatening tone, as well as her horn sparking with pink magic, and she looks like she is about to break you into tiny pieces. You really don't want to find out how much her magic alone can hurt you, so you decide to answer her question as boldly and confidently as you can muster...
"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME OR LOCK ME AWAY IN A COLD DUNGEON. I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO DO, JUST PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WATCH MY LITTLE HUMAN, I'M BEGGING YA PLEASE DON'T!" Yep, that's defiantly a bold and confident response, good going me. You think to yourself. So you close your eyes and wait for your end to come, completely forgetting that you can teleport, when you hear something. It's not the sound magic makes when you shoot it, you've heard that sound plenty of times to know what that sounds like. No, you hear...laughing?
You open your eyes to see...the bride on the ground...laughing like a little school filly. "Is this just some sick joke you play on every changeling you capture cause if it is, then its not funny at all." You tell her in an annoyed voice. After a while she calms down and gets up from off the floor and she looks at you, still giggling, and says "I'm sorry but*giggle*the look on you face was just to much ahhahah!" Your eye twitches in annoyance.
"Ahahha..ha..*ahem*. Anyway the real reason as to why I helped you is because, well, you saved my life. "Oh, that's why she saved you, it's because you saved her li......*crash*WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! She must have notice your shocked expression, that or she heard your mind break, because she then said " Don't you remember, during the days that I was captured you would come down and give food and water, and you stopped that magical blast from your queen from hitting me. It hit you right in your heart, and I thought you were dead when you didn't get back up." She has tears in her eyes as well as looking at you with sadness.
Suddenly, you get a massive head-ach. You see images, no memories, from before and during the invasion. What the bride said was true. You had given her food secretly when she was caught by your ex-queen. You never got to see what she looked like because you had to give the food to her though a hole in the Crystal Caverns. You also remember taking that magic blast too. Your ex-queen was going to kill the bride when she was still trapped in the caverns before the invasion. Your ex-queen healed you and told you that a unicorn was responsible for shooting you. After awhile your flashback goes away and you see the poor mare is still crying. You have no idea as to what you should do, but you do want to help her badly.
You remember a certain happy-go-lucky pink pony that planned the wedding reception. Transform into her and dance. Try to make Cadance smile, smile, smile!
You remember a certain happy-go-lucky pink pony that planned the wedding reception. You saw her during one of your "stakeouts" (At least that's what your superiors thought, you actually just went out to watch a movie or play a video game.) Whenever that pony would walk ( and by walking you mean hopping) by you, she would always be smiling and giving the city folk a good laugh. Which is pretty good, considering the entire cities population is a bunch of snobs. So maybe if you transform into her, then maybe the bride will stop crying.
You use your transform spell, and look over at the mirror on the desk to see that you have successfully transformed into the pink pony. You look over at the bride to see that she is still crying, and when you see that, something snaps inside of you. You suddenly hear this song in your head and...you begin to sing!!!
My name is $#^#%%# (Hello!) and I am here to say (Please get better'?) I'm gonna make you smile and I will brighten up your day
The bride stops crying and looks up at you shocked. You start to dance around her, hopefully to make her smile.
It doesn't matter now (Smile please?) if you are sad or blue (That's it!) 'cause cheering you up is just what I'm gonna do
The bride starts to get a huge smile on her face, and for some reason, that makes you smile too.
'Cause I want to make you smile, smile, smile (Yes I do) it fills my heart with sunshine all the while (Yes it does) 'cause all I really need's a smile, smile, smile from you
I like to see you grin (Awesome!) It would be cool to see you beam (Rock on!) the corners of your mouth turned up is what I want to see (Hoof-Bump!)
The bride gives you a hoof-bump, and then she starts to dance with you. Her smile is even bigger then before, and so is yours.
But if you're kind of worried and your face has made a frown I'll work real hard and do my best to turn that sad frown upside down
'Cause I love to make you grin, grin, grin (Yes I do) busted out from ear to ear, let it begin just give me a joyful grin, grin, grin and you fill me with good cheer
It's true, some days are dark and lonely and maybe you feel sad but I will be there to show you that it isn't that bad
The music you hear tempo goes down for a little bit, but then it starts to pick up again. The bride starts to laugh when you do a silly little dance, and you can't help but laugh with her.
There's one thing that makes me happy and makes my whole life worthwhile right now and that's when I talk to my first real friend and I get to see you smile
The bride looks shocked that you said that, but then she smiles and starts to dance again. You don't know why you said that, but you know that you meant it. She's your first friend... you start to cry tears of joy at that thought.
I really am so happy your smile fills me with glee I give a smile, I get a smile and that's so special to me
'Cause I love to see you beam, beam, beam (Yes I do) tell me, what more can I say to make you see that I do? it makes me happy when you beam, beam, beam yes, it always makes my day
Come on buddy smile, smile, smile! fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine all I really need's a smile, smile, smile from this happy friend of mine!
Come on buddy smile, smile, smile! fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine all I really need's a smile, smile, smile from this happy friend of mine!
Yes a perfect gift for me is a smile as wide as a mile to make me happy as can be smile, smile, smile, smile, smile!
Come on and smile! come on and smile!
And with that the song stops playing and you fall down on your rump. You look in the mirror to see that your transformation fell off when you were singing, but you don't care your to happy that you have a actual friend. You look over to her to see that she is smiling still, you get up and walk over to her. Then you do something unexpected...
Engage hug mode.
Awkward Hug time.
Dude, I know you were part of an invasion to take over equestria and turn every pony into love batteries, but come on! Surely your not going to let an innocent filly cry are you? Give her a (albeit awkward one) hug, even changelings have hearts.
You hug her. She gasps in surprise, but then you see her wrap her hooves around you. "Thank you, I really needed that." She tells you, still hugging you. A few minutes later your hug ends, and you are seen standing across from the bride. You also tell her thanks for saving you from those guards. "Don't mention it, after all what are friends for." She tells you. Friends, it feels nice having a friend. You think to yourself.
Explain that you don't recall everything that happened at the wedding, but that you don't want to be a bad changeling anymore. With her help, you may be able to fit in with these ponies.
You tell the bride that you don't recall everything that happened at the wedding, but that you don't want to be a bad changeling anymore. She smiles at you and says "I don't care if you don't remember what happen all that matters is that your alive and that you are going to be good. Not that I thought you were evil in the first place."
Wait, ask if she was the one who gave you the Inventory.
You can't help but ask her if she was the one who gave you The Inventory. She shakes her head and says "I didn't give you that saddle bag, but whoever did must be a very powerful pony. This kind of enchantment takes alot of power to cast." Huh, so there is a powerful pony out there that gave you The Inventory... you don't know if you should be thrilled or terrified about that fact.
The bride gives you a brown pouch and says "That pouch has thirty Bits in it. Consider it my thank you gift for saving me." You are about to give the pouch back when the bride tells you that she won't take no for an answer. She then starts to power-up her magic.
"It's not safe here, you need to go someplace that you can stay that doesn't have any guard portals." She then puts on a "thinking face" probably thinking of a place you can go to. "Ah ha, I got it, I'll see you later Bugze." You are about to ask her why she called you "Bugze" when she then says "Oh, my name is Cadance by the way." After she said that, you see a flash of pink light.
The next thing you know, your in an alleyway. You can see a billboard from were your standing that says "Welcome To Ponyville." "Huh," you say to yourself, "So that's where Cadance sent me. You decide to check The Inventory since nothing is trying to capture you at the moment. Strange Armor 'Royal Canterlot Voice For Dummies' 'How to be A Gentle Colt 101' The entire Sherclop Holmes series, as well as all fifty-six short stories 'Stun Spells and You' Brown pouch with thirty Bits in it
Nodding to yourself after making sure you have everything, you start to look around. You don't know what you should do or where you should go.
What do you do?
Episode 12: Another New Friend and Grabbing My Citizenship.
While you try to decide on what to do first, a grey pegasus sees you in the alley and walks up. "HELLO!" she yells, jarring you out of your thoughts
You begin to think of things to do now that you are in Ponyville, when you see a grey pegasus walk by the opening of the ally. The grey pegasus looks like she is about to walk by you, but she (you think that she is a she) stops right in front of the entrance of the ally. She looks shocked about something and she then immediately turns her head in your direction. You start to panic, so you jump into the empty garbage bin that was near you.
You hear her hoofsteps come closer to your hiding spot, but then they suddenly stop. You look out of the garbage bin to see that she is gone. You begin to think that she flew off when you hear something above you. You look up to see...A GIANT PILE OF GARBAGE HEADING RIGHT FOR YOU!!! Before you even get a chance to escape the stinky death-trap, you are all ready covered head to hoof with it.
You are about to barf up what little food you have in your stomach, when you hear someling scream "HELLO" right next to you. You look over to were you heard the scream, as well as rubbing your ear in pain, to see the grey pegasus floating right next to you. You look at her, and she looks at you (at least you think she is, her eyes are kinda strange, in a adorable way though). It takes your mind awhile to process what is going on.
....
....
...
... "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" You start screaming.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" She starts screaming.
"AHHHHhhhhh" You finally start to stop screaming after you realized that the mare in front of you is screaming as well. She appers to still be screaming as well.
"AHHHHhhhhh" The mare stops screaming as well. She stares at you, again you think she is at least, then she finally says "Sooooo...what were we screaming about?'" You face plant as soon as she said that. She stops flying as well and lands on the ground next to where you face planted.
"You mean to tell me that you were screaming that whole time, without even having the slightest clue as to why!?" You ask her with a annoyed tone. She looks like she is about to cry and she says "well...I thought we were playing a game*sniff*." Good going me, you made another mare cry today. Curse you bad social skills! You look at the crying mare and you quickly decide to cheer her up.
"Hey, don't cry, we were playing a game." You tell her gently. "We*sniff*were?" she asks with tears in her eyes. "Yeah, its called the 'Loudest Screamer" game, in fact you were winning." You really need to stop lying to ponies, but you gonna call this one a "good" lie because you are trying to cheer up this sad pony, which you caused to happen.
She looks down for a little bit, but then she suddenly jumps up and hugs you!. "Oh that is so great, I've never won anything before, this is so awesome!" She starts to jump up and down, still holding you in a hug, when you say "Great for you, now you can tell all your friends about you winning the best game ever, I'm I right!?!?" You congratulate and ask her.
She stops jumping and she looks up at you with a look in her eyes you know all to well. Its the look you used to have everyday back in the hive. The look that you had until you and Cadance became friends. The look of pure sadness. You can't help but fell bad for her.
"I don't have any friends..." The mare says in a sad tone. You know what it was like to have no friends. You wanted one, and now you have one. You remember that great felling you had when you became friends with Candace. You smile and look down at the mare and say "Well that's a lie, I mean you do have one friend."
The mare looks up at you, shocked that you said that and asks "You don't mean..." "Yup, were friends now." You tell her with a hopeful tone. You really hope this will work. The mare jumps off you suddenly and she starts to jump up and down like a little school filly and she is chanting "my first friend" over and over again. She then fly's off, hitting a few bystanders and buildings as well, before a very important thought enters your mind...YOU WERE IN YOUR NORMAL FROM THE WHOLE TIME!!! You begin to hyperventilate at that thought when you look in a puddle to see that you are covered in garbage the whole time. Which means she didn't know you were a changeling either. You give a victory "whoop" before a thought enters your mind...
Mental note for later: learn some kind of communication spell to stay in contact with Cadance.
You decide to make a mental note to learn some kind of communication spell to stay in contact with Cadance. Shes one of your only two friends at the moment, so you kinda don't what to lose your only friend due to distance issues. You also get another thought crosses your mind...
Go straight to the mayor and apply for citizenship.
Apply for citizenship.
Go and apply for citizenship.
You decide it would be a good idea to apply for citizenship in Ponyville. You first rub off all the gunk off of you, but sadly you still smell like dead cat. You then transform into a grey unicorn with a black mane/tail. You check the puddle to see that you have blue eyes and..no cutie mark? "That's strange...I could have sworn I imaged a cutie mark to form?" You wonder to yourself out loud. You decide to wonder about it later, for now you need to get your citizenship. "Now...where is the town hall?" You ask yourself sheepishly.
2 HOURS LATER
Well...that was uneventful. Besides being told that you need to take a bath by everyling you walked by. When you finally found the town hall, the mayor, appropriately named Mayor Mare, gave you citizenship right on the spot. It apparently had something to do with the fact that she wanted more positive feedback from ponies after the whole 'Nightmare Moon' fiasco.
Obtain Kung-fu for dummies book
You also found a book called 'Kung-Fu For Dummies' on the street. It looked like it would be an interesting read, so you decided to put it into The Inventory.
Kung-Fu For Dummies added to inventory.
Given the number of books in your inventory, perhaps you should find a quiet place to read. ... A library, perhaps?
You had tried to go to the local library, but it was barracked and when you went to knock on the door, someling yelled "I CAN'T DECIDE!" You had slowly backed away from the door and proceeded to gallop away from the hunted library. You have no idea as to what you should do or where you should go now.
Go, and take a bath. Now. Before anyone else sees you.
Take a bath. Don't give yourself away doing it. Try to keep your distance from other ponies, but don't look like you're keeping your distance. Walk casual (ripped from Star Wars :D).
Anyway, let find a some where to take a bath. Iike a hotel. By the way, how much money is 30 bits. Is it enough to support you till you can get a job or some other source of income?
Bath.
You are about to decide something when you smell something horrible. You give a disgusted face and you look around for whatever i making such a awful stench. You look all around you, but you just can't find it. "Maybe..." You say to yourself, you the decide to smell yourself. *thud* And that is the sound you make when you faint. You smell so bad that you actually fainted, and your pretty sure that you see a chibi version of yourself flying out of your body and heading towards the sky. For some reason it is fells really comfortable and you see a bright light. You begin to walk towards it with no regrets.
WHAT PONIES SEE
"Mommy is he going to be okay?" A little filly asks her mom. She appears to be pointing towards a knocked-out stallion in the middle of the road. He appears to be twitching uncontrollably and form is coming out of his mouth. He appears to be repeating "the pretty light, so shiny" over and over again. "Yes sweetie he'll be fine, just stay away from him okay." The mother of the filly tells her. "Okay, mommy." They then both walk off, ignoring you completely. If you couldn't guess, the stallion is you.
20 MINUTES LATER
"Huh what happened?" You ask yourself in confusion. You must have been in that stanched induced coma for awhile. You get off the ground and decide that the next course of action would be to take a bath. Now were is the bathhouse? You think to yourself....This is going to take awhile.
3 HOURS LATER
You finally found a bath house after a few hours of searching. You decide it would be best if you remained inconspicuous, so that you might not get discovered as quickly as useless. Let's face it, with your luck, you'll be discovered sooner or later. So why not make it later. The bat sadly costed twelve Bits, so now you're down to eighteen Bits. Oh well, at least you won't get knocked out by your own smell anymore...now what do you do.
You must be hungry after all of this, in terms of love I mean. You might want to find someone to feed off of.
*rumble* That's the sound of your stomach begging for food. This surprises you, because its not your love hunger sound, this is your "real food now" sound. Before when this happened you weren't worried about it, but now you are. What if there is something wrong with your love intake and you can never find out if you need love. You really need to find some way to communicate with Cadance, maybe she knows what to do. But, for now you need to grab some grub. Luckily for you, there's a restaurant right across from you. "Blazes Pizzas huh, well I hope there good." You tell yourself as you go in.
1 HOUR LATER
That was the best pizza ever!! You really don't care if you only have nine Bits left, it was worth it. They were that good. You begin to think on what you should do next when...
Before you decide what to do next, A WILD PINKIE PIE APPEARS!!!
Before you even get to decide on what do do next, you see a pink blur fly right past you! Whatever it is was going so fast that it made you spin around in circles like a cartoon character. After you finally stop spinning, you look around to see if you can't find out where that blur went too. But, you can't find it anywhere. "*sigh* Whatever it is is probably gone by now," you say to yourself in annoyance. You turn around to continue walking...only to walk right into a pink earth pony. A pink earth pony, WHO KICKED YOUR FLANK BACK AT THE WEDDING!!!
You begin to panic that she might have recognized you, but then you realize that you are in your disguise so there's no way that she will kno "Do I know you?"
.....
.....
.....
.....
*CRACK*
That is the sound of all your hopes and dreams being crushed by a big, pink, furred, hammer. You now hear the sounds of your incoming doom, which sounds like this. You fell like curling up in a corner, roocking back and forth well crying to your mommy. Is there anything you can do?
"...I don't think so?" Just play it cool. Remember this the pony you turned into to cheer up Candace, so she can't be all that bad.
Play it cool. Don't lose it. Hope springs eternal. While I don't approve of lying, maybe some other tactic might work, like misdirection, i.e. asking "Why would you know me?" or "What of it?"
Everypony act cool.
You take a deep breath, you remember that she is the same pony you transformed into to cheer up Cadence, hopefully she isn't too bad. I mean sure she shot that cannon right at your head several times, sure you still can't get that ringing sound out of your head or that.. haunting… giggling… sadistic… laughing.... AHHHHHHHH! *slap* "Focus #%^$, that's all in the past, for now worry about the pink pony now," you say to yourself. You look into the pink pony's eyes with determination and say...
....
....
"... I don't think so?" That was the weakest kind of determination ever. You think to yourself in utter disappointment. She looks at you with a face that screams ‘I Don't Believe You’ for a few seconds… then she immediately smiles a huge smile and jumps around you like she's Peppy le Pew. Then, she starts talking a mile an hour, and you couldn't understand a word she said. But, you think this is what she said, "Oh that's good, because lately my Pinkie Sense has been all wonky. Like this one time, a week ago actually, my newest, bestest friend Twilight, oh have you met her yet? She came to town and my usual 'new pony in town I don't know yet' Pinkie Sense didn't go off. So I was all "AHHH!" and she was all like "Ahh!" and blah, blah, blah."
Dear Luna does this mare ever stop talking! You don't mean to be rude, but you can't get one word in without her saying five other words. You don't want to be mean to her by asking her to be quiet, so you just sit there and listen.
4 HOURS LATER
FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA, IT'S BEEN FOUR HOURS NOW, HOW MUCH CAN THIS MARE TALK! You don't even think she has taken a single breath since she started talking. "Oh, hi Applejack, hey why do you look so mad?" Oh thank Luna she finally stopped tal...WAIT WHAT!!! You turn around to see that Applejack is behind you, and she looks mad as heck. "Hello again… varmint." "Oh...uh hi stranger, uh... who's this varmint you're talking about?" You slowly start to inch towards the opposite way of Applejack. "You know who I'm talking about… changeling." Okay, she knows what you are.
.....
.....
..... *ding*This has worked for you in the past, so hopefully it will work for you now. You start to channel magic into your voice to power up your RCV (Royal Canterlot Voice) and scream...
Perhaps it's time for the tried and true... "Look! A distraction!" *peppy le pew chase scene ensues*
"LOOK A DISTRACTION"
Pinkie seems to be unfazed by your RCV, but Applejack seems to be distracted. You quickly start to run away from them, all the way out of town. You've been running for a few hours now, and you’re pretty sure that they've stopped chasing you. You look behind you to see… Pinkie keeping up with you while bouncing like Peppy Le Pew. And Applejack is also right behind you as well. You decide to distract them by throwing a bit on the ground. Pinkie stops immediately stops and stares at it, and Applejack runs… right into Pinkies tail? You decide to question it later, right now you need to focus on running for your life. You see a apple tree field and you decide to make a beeline for it.
1 HOUR LATER
You managed to climb up one of the apple trees an hour later. It is now dark outside, and you decide to sleep on the tree’s branches. You also ate some of the apples on said tree. You’ll pay whoever owns this field later, for now your going to sleep. Luna knows its been ages since you've last slept.
You, the changeling, have managed to out-run Applejack,the Royal Guard, Pinkie, and Rarity. You've befriended Cadance, a pink alicorn, and a grey pegasus. You've gain citizenship to a place called 'Ponyville'. You have fallen asleep after being chased out of town by Pinkie and Applejack. Now we continue your story...NOW!
THE NEXT DAY
You open your eyes to see Celestia's sun shining in your face. "Uggggghhhhhh." You really don't like bright light, not since your ex-queen "accidentally" shot you with a fireball spell. You never could look at the sun without cringing since. But, you did have a really good nap, which is surprising considering you slept in a tree. You decide to go and see how much a house or an apartment costs later. For now you have decide to see...
How was your sleep in that tree? I bet it was pretty nice due to that comfy rainbow-colored pillow... Wait- that's not a pillow.
*yawn*Huh, you must have been tired then you thought, because you could have sworn that you just yawned. Even though your snout didn't move at all. Also, you though you had heard the yawn come from behind you. Wait… that was behind you! You quickly turn around, as quickly as a changeling can on a tree branch, to see a blue furred, rainbow colored mane/tail, pegasus. The same pegasus...WHO KICKED YOUR FLANK BACK AT THE WEDDING!
You freeze in panic, but then realize that she is still asleep. You sigh in relief, you probably fell asleep on her when you hid up here. Wait… how in Equestria did you manage to sleep on her without her waking up? *snore* "Huh, must be a heavy sleeper," you say to yourself quietly. Then her eyes opened... uh oh. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" you scream in surprise, which caused you to fall off the tree.
"Oww!!*crash*Ooof!!*snap*My leg!!"*crunch* How high is this tree *splat” You finally fell to the bottom of the tree. Somehow you managed to keep your disguise active even with all the pain you just went through. You are about to get up, when a few of the apples from the tree fall down and hit your head, oddly enough making a cartoonish sound effect every time an apple hit your head.
The rainbow haired pegasus looks around you, confused, before shrugging and then flying off. "Owowowowowow, dear Luna that hurts," you say to yourself in pain. You get off the ground and decide to do what you did in the first, which was to...
Ok, you really need to find out just how the heck Applejack can know you're a changeling even when you're disguised. Quite frankly, it's freaking me out.
Well first try to figure out how she seeing is thur your disguise.
Find out how Applejack is able to identify you even when you're disguised.
You decide to go and find out how Applejack knows you’re a changeling, even when you are disguised. Not only is it stopping you from blending in and living a normal life, but quite frankly it's freaking you out. So, with no idea as to how to find this out, you decide to go and find her.
3 HOURS LATER
You finally found her after three hours of walking in circles, tripping over sticks and stones, and smashing into trees repeatedly (don't ask). When you did fine her, you were shocked to see her asleep. Standing up, you notice the purple unicorn from before walking away from Applejack looking really mad. You wonder why, but for now you need to focus on how to find out what Applejack knows, without you getting beat into a bloody pulp at least.
The you get a great idea. You transform into the purple unicorn that left. Maybe, you think to yourself, if I change into one of her friends, she won't be able to recognize me, and with how tired she is, there's no way she’ll be able to realize that I'm a changeling. You begin to walk towards Applejack, but the you stop. You've haven't thought this through yet. You don't even know what you should say to Applejack. What should you say?
You decide to just go ahead and wing it. After all, Applejack is probably too tired to chase you even if she does find out that you aren't the actual purple unicorn. So, with that thought in your mind, you begin to walk over to Applejack.
When you do reach her, you call out her name to try and catch her attention.
"Applejack?"....nothing. You probably didn't call her name loud enough. So, you say her name louder then you did before.
"Applejack!"...still nothing. You start to get annoyed by how she still hasn't woken up yet. So you call her name even louder then before.
"APPLEJACK!”....OH COME ON! How tried can this mare be? She wasn't this tired yesterday, I mean come on, she was able to chase you from town all the way out here, you think to yourself with both annoyance and intrigue. You wonder as to what could have caused Applejack to become so tired, but for now you decide to take drastic measures. You walk over to Applejack's side and you begin to power-up your RCV. When your RCV is fully charged, you scream right into her ear…
"AAAAAAPPPPPLLLLLEEEEEEJJJJJJJAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK
....
.....
......
SWEET LUNA HOW TIRED IS THIS MARE!? You begin to wonder if she is even still alive, when you notice she’s snoring, which means shes alive...that's good. "I give up," you say to yourself in disappointment. Applejacks eyes soundly open and she screams... "HUH WHAT, WHO'S MAKING ALL THAT RACKET!"....You feel like going up to a wall so that you can repeatedly smash your face into it.
"Oh...Twilight, it’s just you, what do you want now?" Applejack says to "Twilight" bitterly. Huh, so that's what that purple unicorns name is.You think to yourself. Applejack is looking at you still, and you don't know how to approach this situation. *ding* You suddenly get a brilliant idea, which is…
Ahh but that's the glory of your situation, don't you see? You don't need to say much of anything, just get her talking. Lead the conversation and let her fill in the blanks until you have what you need to know. Use the force, young changeling!
You don't need to say much of anything, you just need to get her talking. You just have to let her fill in the blanks for you. So, with that in mind you begin, "Applejack...." is all you get to say before she interrupts you.
"If this is about how you keep saying that I need help harvesting all these," she points to the millions of apple trees be hide her, " for Applebuck season, then mah answer is still no. I don't need no help from nopony, I can do this on my own!" That last part she stomps her hoof angrily into the ground.
You have no idea as to what ‘Applebuck season’ is, but its probably the reason why Applejack is so tired. Well, that's one question answered, now to find out what I came here for, you think to yourself confidently.
"Actually Applejack, I came here to ask you how you know where a changeling is even if they are disguised," you tell/ask Applejack the question you have been dying to know. Applejack looks at you like you lost your marbles and then says...
"Don't you remember Twi? You cast a spell on me after the wedding. You said it would only*yawn* work on me since I was the Element of Honesty, and a disguise is kind of like a lie. The spell gives me this twitch on mah back whenever a changeling is around," she tells you and then...immediately falls back asleep.
"Huh, so that's how she knows," you say to yourself. "If I help Applejack out, then maybe she won't chase me when she senses me!" you say to yourself confidently. But, how can you help her?
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 17: Helping Applejack Get Some Rest.
Find out what "Applebuck Season" is and help with that
You decide that the best way to help Applejack is to stop whatever is causing her to be so tired. Sure, a tired out Applejack means that she won't be able to catch you as easily as before, but you made a vow to help anyling in trouble. Even though she was technically your enemy, she needs help, and she's gonna get it. But first, you need to figure out what’s causing her tiredness in the first place.
You look back at the conversation you had with her before she went back to sleep. She said something about how she didn't want any help with harvesting the apple trees for something called ‘Applebuck season’. You slowly, very slowly, begin to put two and two together.
10 MINUTES LATER
*ding* "Ah ha!" you say to yourself after finally figuring out what was making Applejack so tried. "It must be this 'Applebuck season' that's making Applejack so tired," you say to yourself in triumph. "But...what can I do to help with it?" you question yourself quietly. Then you remembered how Applejack said that she was harvesting the apples for Applebuck season. *ding* Then you get a great idea. So great of an idea that there's no way it could fail. Your plan is too…
Buck ALL the apples!
Buck all the apple trees
You’re going to BUCK every single last apple tree, or as much as you can so that Applejack will have less work to do and have more time sleeping. You drop your disguise, seeing as the only other pony around is fast asleep, and start to grin ear to ear. You can't help but jump up and down like a little filly/colt who just got an awesome gift for Haymas [my ponyfied version of Christmas]. You begin to walk deeply into the apple tree field, when you realize something very important.
"How do you buck an apple tree?" you ask yourself...oh well you’re just gonna wing it.
2 HOURS LATER
You finally figured out how to buck an apple tree. After many mistakes, most of them ending with you getting hurt, you finally got it down pat. You first thought that you had to climb up the tree to get the apples, but a few splinters in places you wish not to mention later, and you gave up on that theory.
Then you tried to use your head...literary. Lets just say you have a newfound respect for hard-hats. You didn't even know changelings could get lumps that big on their heads.
You angrily kicked one of the apple trees later after another failed attempt to get the apples. That caused every single apple on the tree to fall off. You looked at the tree in surprise, but then you smiled when you finally learned how to buck trees. You found a whole shed filled with buckets, so you decide to use does for where the apples would fall into. You would then teleport the filled bucket back to the barn, you checked the first time you did it to make sure that they actually made it. Luckily, it had, so that's what you've been doing the rest of the time. You had just finished another tree, and you had moved on to the next one.
*snap*You turned around, surprised, and you expected to see Applejack be hide you ready to clobber you into next Tusesday, but there was nothing there. So, you shrugged and turned back to the next tree.
What you didn't notice however, were a pair of orangish-reddish eyes watching you.
You've been bucking trees for the last four hours. You feel like you are gonna drop like a bug (Ha, get it since he’s a bug...oh never mind) at any second. Your back hooves feel like they've been put into lava after they were broken by a falling rock. You really just want to sit down and take a break, but your determination to help Applejack stops you. I made a vow to princess Luna to help anyling in need, even if I have to push my limits to the point of exhaustion.You think to yourself with determination. You’re about to walk over to the next tree when you realized you couldn't move. You look at your back hooves to see that they have gone completely limp. You sigh in defeat and say, "I guess that's the universe's sign that I should take a break."
You decide that you should relax under the last apple tree you bucked, since you are already under it and you can't move away from it even if you wanted to. It's nice and shady under the tree, so it wasn't all bad. The only bad thing was the fact that there was nothing to do. You could never sit still unless you were reading a really good book. You begin to wonder on what you should do when you decide to do one of the very few freedoms you had back at the hive. Which is to…
Start thinking aloud about your situation, how things are going, and life in general.
You talk to yourself. It was one of the very few things you could do at the hive. It also help calm you down when you’re either really stressed or nervous, which usually was all the time. It helped you think things though and it was always a good way to spend time.
"I can't believe so much has happened lately. I mean first my kind stupidly tried to take over Equestria. The idea itself was stupid, and that's coming from the changeling who was too stupid to learn how to stinking fly. What was my ex-queen thinking, I mean she never told us that the bride was a stinking ALICORN! How dumb do you have to be to try and take on a alicorn!"
Meanwhile In A Statue In The Castle Gardens
Discord could feel the chaos oozing around him. It has been a week since he was able to regain conciseness from within his stony prison that two troublesome alicorns put him in. Since then he could feel the chaos around begin to grow more and more each day. Soon he will be able to see though his stone prison. "Soon, I'll be free to cause chaos all over Equstria once more, I can't wait to see Sunbutt's face when she sees me again. Ooooooohhhh It's gonna be priceless, only one bit." Discord begins to laugh at his "joke" when he suddenly sneezes, "AAAAACCHHOOO!""Huh, somepony must be talking about me, goody I'll be sure to visit them first when I get out, cause they must be some fun if they know about little old me....MWAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Discord then continues to laugh,
Back With The Changeling (You)
*shiver* "Huh...what was that?" You were still talking to yourself, the 'discussion' now being about how strange it is that Pinkie could chase you like Peppy Le Pew, when you got a shiver down your spin. "Why do I suddenly feel like I just made myself a target and that the pony who is after me is someling I don't want to mess with?" you ask to yourself in confusion. You are about to continue your "discussion" with yourself when you think of something.
you start talking to yourself about cutie marks. Specifically, why can't changelings get cutie marks?
"Why do ponies get cutie marks and changelings don't? I mean sure we can make up one and pretend that that's our talent, I mean maybe it's just that...*sigh* who am I kidding, of course changelings get cutie marks," you say to yourself in sadness. "I mean sure they’re not as big or colorful as the ones the ponies get, but we still get them. They replace the grey dot we have on our backs, and everyling usually gets their when they absorb their first amount of love from a pony. But...I never got mine when I did it. I didn't want to do it in the first place either. But, ever since then, the hive would always call me the 'Loveless Bug'." You start to cry after that. You would have continued to cry too, if you didn't hear this…
"You poor thing."
You look around in shock, but you don't see anyling around you. You get up, realizing that your back hooves are working again, and begin to look around for whatever gave you pity. You hear a gasp coming from the bush be hide you, so you turn around and walk over to the bush, you look into the bush and are surprised to see this
You have no idea as to what you should do, and you’re pretty sure that those big eyes are trying to hypnotize you. You try to say something to the little filly but the only words that come out are…
"You didn't see me crying over there did you?”
...
...
...
Smooth bug, real smooth.
What do you do?
Episode 19: Heart Attack and Talking With the 'Enemy's' Sister!!!
Nearly have a Heart Attack from the amount of adorable and sad this filly is producing.
Before you can even think of something to say to the filly, you realize something. She looks so adorable with her eyes looking so big like that. If you could eat love, which you still haven't figured out why you can't, you would be overflow with her adorableness.
*thump*
Whats this feeling I have in my chest? You think to yourself questionably. It feels...nice. You begin to smile, and the filly looks up at you in surprise. She looks even more adorable then before.
*thump* *thump*
Okay, this feeling in my chest is speeding up and doesn't feel goo anymore! You think to yourself in distress. You back away from the filly and start to hold your chest (somehow defining all logic cause of, you know, hooves) in pain. The filly walks out and gallops over to you looking worried. " Are you okay mister?" She asks you in a worried tone. So...cute. You think to yourself.
*thump* *thump* *thump* *thump*
You start to see dots in your vision. Your chest feels like its going to explode, like that one scene from Alien. You look at the filly with a pained expression and you say to her "I'm gonna faint now". And you do just that. Your vision goes and all you see is black. This isn't the first time you've fainted, it's actually your third time. The second time was when you were blasted off into that blasted forest after the failed invasion. The first time was when one of your old comrades made you watch *shiver* My Little Human. Worst. Day. EVER! Looks like your waking up, let's see what happens....
3 HOURS LATER
"Ugh...where am I?" You wake up from the depths of unconsciousness to see that you aren't outside. You appear to be inside the barn that you teleported all the apples from before to. You know this because there are apple buckets everywhere! No matter where you look, there is always a apple bucket. "Whoa," You say to yourself in surprise. " I guess I bucked more apple trees then I thought I did."
"You sure did mister." You look over to the voice in shock, to see the little filly from before, is next to you. She must have noticed your shocked expression because then she said " Yep, you've bucked more apple trees then mah sister, Applejack, did last year in the yearly 'Apple Family Harvesting Contest' and she got first place!" She smiles brightly at that fact. You would have "awwed" if for the fact that she said "mah sister" and "Applejack" in the same sentence. The gears in your mind start to process that information.
...
...
...
*ding* OH SHOOT SHES APPLEJACK'S SISTER!!!!! You look around in pure terror, half expecting Applejack to pop out of one of the apple buckets and pummel you. Silly as that may sound, you still don't want to take any chances. "Uh...mister are you gonna be alright?" The filly asks you, looking very worried look.
She's just a filly. She won't hurt you. Also, that's Applejack's sister soooooo don't piss her off, k?
You take a deep breath before you decide to talk to the filly. She's just a filly. You think to your self. If she wanted to hurt me she would have done it to me by now. Besides, She's Applejacks sister, if I make her mad it spells doom for me. You look at the filly and decide to...
Try to talk to her. She's just a filly, she can't cause that much harm. The only two other ponies nearby are either tired.... or asleep.
...sit down and talk to her. (If Bugze is surprisingly good at interaction with foals that would be awesome.)
Introduce yourself,
Ok sit down...and talk to her
You decide to get to know the little filly, maybe you can be friends with her, after all if she isn't calling the Royal Guard on your flank as soon as she saw you, then she must want to get to know you or something of that nature. So you decide to introduce yourself. "Hi my name is...." You stop mid sentence. You don't trust this little filly enough to tell her your name. But, what do you tell her what your name is...*ding* You then remember something Cadance told you before she teleported you here.
"Ah ha, I got it, I'll see you later Bugze."
Well...that could work You think to yourself. You notice that the filly is looking at you strangely. You look at her embarrassed and say "Sorry, what I was saying is that my friends call me Bugze, whats your name?" You ask the little filly. She looks at you wih big excited eyes and says "Mah name is Applebloom Mister Bugze." You laugh a little at the "Mister" comment, but you let it slide. You and Applebloom decide to talk about like and dislikes and stuff like that for awhile....
20 MINUTES LATER
You've talking with Applebloom for the past twenty minutes, and you've discovered a lot of things about her. For one she has a brother called Big Macintosh (who, fro her description, you do not want to meet in your changeling or make him mad..at all) and a grandma called Granny Smith (what is with her family and apple related names?). Apparently, after you past-out, she manged to drag you all the way to the bran without getting caught. She also told you that, like you, she doesn't have a cutie mark, but unlike you she has two friends, Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo, who also don't have cutie marks. And they formed this cute little group called 'The Cutie Mark Crusaders" and their goal is to find their cutie marks. She told you on some of their misadventures trying to get their cutie marks, and you admit that you laughed at loud at some of them. Which leads us to whats happening now...
"So your telling me that you girls thought it would be a good idea to get your cutie marks in *snort* horror movie watchers!" You say barely containing your laughter. Applebloom then gives you an embarrassed nod. "Well...yeah now that I think about it, it wasn't a very good idea, I still get nightmares from that stuff."
"Anyway Bugze, I've been thinking that since you don't have a cutie mark either, would ya like to join the cutie mark crusaders?" She asks you in an adorable voice with big pleading eyes. You give a shocked expression, but then you smile a huge smile. This would be not only mean new friend, but you would also be a cool little group. You are about to respond with a 'yes' when the bran door opens and someling walks in.
"Applebloom do you know what happened to all the appl...VARMINT.
you suddently remeber you have magic and that AJs an earth pony and one of the most basic speels you learned in your stupid magic class was levitation, now you where never good with spells but hey if you can telaport from ponyvill to canterlot and feel no form of exaustion then mabey, just mabey you can restrain this mare and have a nice, calm,chat afterall she is the elament of honesty and her sis can back you up..... hopfully....
Applejack starts to charge at you, but then you remembered that you have magic. Thinking quickly, you use your force field spell and surround yourself and Applebloom in a green magical field. Both Applebloom and Applejack looked surprised, and sadly for Applejack she crashes right into it. You would have laughed at the look if her face being smooshed against the force field, if it weren't for the fact the the force field broke after Applejack ran into it. Before you got a chance to power up another spell to hopefully teleport both you and Applebloom to safety, she manages to jump you and hold you down.
"I've got you now varmint, and now you're gonna get what’s coming to ya!" She pulls back her front hoof, prepared to knock the day lights outta you. You close your eyes, prepared to meet your end. This is it, this is how I die...or at the very least go to the dungeon. You think to yourself in sadness. Goodbye Cadance, thanks for being my first friend. Goodbye grey pegasus whose name I should have gotten. Goodbye Applebloom, thanks for spending my final moments with me. And to my ex-queen...I'll see ya in Tartarus. You wait for your end… and you wait… and you wait… how long does it take for this mare to punch? You open your eyes to see something surprising, you see…
You have an ally now. Apple Bloom will stick up for you. Trust in the Magic of Friendship.
Apple bloom! Save bugze!
Applebloom holding Applejack’s hoof just before it hit you. Applejack looks surprised and betrayed, clearly not expecting her younger sister to do that. Applebloom looks down at you with a smile, and you smile right back at her. She then puts on a determined face and she looks back at her sister and says "Sorry sis, but I can't allow you to hurt Bugze." Applejack looks confused and asks, "Now Applebloom, I don't know why yall are doing this, but I ain't gonna hurt this 'Bugze' character, I'm gonna hurt this changeling here." You whimper at that.
Applebloom then says to her sister, "This changeling is Bugze, Applejack, and I'm not gonna let you hurt him." You smile at that. She really does care for me, even though we just met, that's just...awesome, you think to yourself in a heartfelt tone.
The two sisters begin to bicker back and forth with each other about you, and you start to get uncomfortable, you being stuck under Applejack. You then remember that you have magic… again! You mentally face-palm at your own stupidity and then you begin to charge up your teleportation spell. Applejack notices what you’re doing and tries to stop you, but Applebloom stops her just in time. You then teleport out from under Applejack....only to teleport right on top of her! Applejack gives out a "oof" and try's to get back up, but Applebloom sit right on top of her (next to you) which causes her to fall back down.
"Oooo when I get my hooves on you changeling, you'll be more black and blue then a penguin, and Applebloom I don't know what spell this changeling has on you, but Ah swear on the apple orchard that I will save you!" Applejack yells threateningly at you. You give a snort in response and then say to Applejack…
Put Applejack on the defensive by accusing her of being a "species-ist" (bonus points if you sarcastically offer to go get a noose and a pointed hood for her). It works at first, but then Applejack remembers and points out that you threw dirt in Twilight's eyes*, used Rarity as a shield and even THREW her at Applejack**
"You know you are a real species-ist you know that."
Applejack looks surprised and offended and then says, "Why I never! I'll have you know that I like and treat all species equally."
You snort again and then say sarcastically, "Oh yes, because chasing around a changeling for the past two days and yelling death threats to him and his kind are really acts of equality and likeness."
Applejack stutters for a little bit, but then gets a crossed look on her face and then she says, "Say's the changeling who threw dirt into Twilight's eyes, used Rarity as a pony shield and you even threw her at me!"
Your confidence shrinks at that statement and you quickly mutter out, "Hey the dirt thing was a accident and I was going to apologizes for it as soon as I find her, and the whole Rarity shield thing happened because you threatened to do me bodily harm!"
Applejack then begins to go on and on about all the bad things you've done, and she doesn't say any of the good things either. You don't know if she doesn't know about them or not, but you don't care. Your anger about all this is starting to get dangerously high. So you decide to unleash it. You turn to look at Applebloom and tell her in a hushed whisper "Applebloom can you be a dear and cover your ears please?" She nods her head and covers her ears. You then focus your magic to your lungs and power up your RCV, You finish it and then you scream…
Applejack stops talking and looks at you surprised. This is it, no turning back now. You think to yourself. Now you look at Applejack and are about to say this, "I'm sor*crash*off!" Only to be knocked back by a rainbow blur.
What do you do?
Episode 21: I Didn't Know Rainbow's Could Be So Red!
"Ughhh...did anyling get the license plate of the chariot that hit me?" You ask more to yourself then anyling else. You shake off the dust from your mane (its looks like Naruto's from 'Naruto', but its orange and less spiky) and you look around the area you were tackled into. You eyes widen in surprise when you see a changeling body dent in the wall of the barn. How...how I'm I alive, if whatever tackled me into the wall with enough force to leave a body dent in a wall, then I should nothing but changeling goo on the wall! You begin to wonder on how your even standing without any broken bones, when you hear a "ahem" come from be hide you.
You turn around to see Applejack looking at you smugly, and a rainbow haired pegasus standing next to her. You don't see Applebloom anywhere, so you guess that she went to hide somewhere away from your future pounding. You swear that you've seen the pegasus before, when it hits you. She's the same mare WHO KICKED YOUR FLAKE THE MOST OUT OF ALL SIX MARES WHO DID BEAT YOU UP, AND SHE'S ALSO THE SAME MARE YOU ACCIDENTALLY USED AS A LIVING PILLOW THIS MORNING!
You begin to freak out, especially when the rainbow haired pegasus cracked her neck and glared a you. "So your the changeling who's been messing with my friends for the past two days." She says to you in a tone that promises you pain. She then begins to back up and she also begins to unfold her wings as well. " Well let me tell you one thing buggy, when you mess with the Element of Loyalty's friends, then you mess with me!" Applejack looks proudly at the blue pegasus when the pegasus said that.
Again with these 'Elements', is this some kind of nickname that these two gave each other? You ask yourself in your head. This isn't the first time you heard of these 'Elements' before. You vaguely remember you ex-queen saying something about "stopping the Elements from ruining her plans." You also remember Applejack calling herself the 'Element of Honesty' when you disguised yourself as Twilight to talk to her earlier that day.
"HEY ARE YOU LISTENING!" You snap out of your rambling thoughts when you hear the rainbow mare screamed at you. You look over at her, surprised, and you say the only thing that comes to your mind.
"Huh?"
....
...
...
You didn't even know blue could turn red. The rainbow maned pegasus looks like she's about to blow up! The pegasus eye starts to twitch and she says in a annoyed tone "I said that I, the great Rainbow Dash, will show you what happens when you mess with my friends!" She takes a heroic pose and you swear you see the sun shinning on her when she said that. You suddenly get this strange feeling in your thort.
*snort*
Your eyes widen in terror when you realize whats happening, and you begin to think of everything but Rainbow Dash's name and hair color. Ahh I thought about it!
*giggle*
Don't do it, don't do it, if you what to live don't do what your about to do. You think to yourself in terror.
*giggle*snort*giggle*
"What's so funny bug?" Rainbow Dash asks you with an accusing glare. "Your*pffftt* name is....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA Rainbow Dash and your hair is all rainbows and...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!" Welp...your dead buggy meat.
Rainbow Dash looks like shes about to pummel you into a bloody pulp, when you say something that you regretted the moment you said it...
You get a crazy plan. You taunt the newcomer, calling her a fillyfooler with that mane of hers and apologizing for attacking her marefriend. When she charges you, you open the inventory and let her fly in. If that doesn't work, you will at least have a swift death with no chance of watching My Little Human.
"You....hahaha...look like a fillyfooler!" You then immediately shut your yap when you realize something...YOU SAID THAT OUT LOUD! You slowly look over to Rainbow Dash to see stinking steam coming out of her stinking ears! "Uhhhhhh...oops!" Your dead now, goodbye changeling.
"YOUR DEAD YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A BUG!!!!"
Rainbow Dash then flies at you in pure furry. You have little time to think so you grab The Inventory from you back and hold it open in front of you. If this doesn't work, then I'm dead where I stand. You think to your self in terror. You close your eyes in terror and wait for the oncoming pain.
And wait....
And wait...
*CRASH*
You open your eyes in surprise to see that The Inventory is still in your hooves and that you didn't fell Rainbow go into it. "Ooohhhh" You hear that be hide you and you turn around to see...that Rainbow had missed you completely in her rage and she somehow manege to crash though the barn wall. Her backside sticking out of the wall and you guess her head is on the other side of the wall. "Can somepony help me get unstuck from here...please." Rainbow asks. "Don't worry Rainbow, I'ma coming." Applejack says to her and them she quickly runs over to help her.
You take the chance from them being distracted by Rainbow's accident to escape. You see Applebloom come out from be hide a haystack, and you quickly gallop over to her. You look her in the eyes and say "Sorry Applebloom but I need to leave. I wish I could stay and meet your friends but it's not safe for me here. But, were Cutie Mark Crusaders and we will always stay connected, here." You point at were you think a pony's heart is when you say that.
Applebloom sniffs a little bit, but then she smiles and says "Promise me yall come back and visit." She gives you her big adorable eyes like before, and you can't help but smile.
"I promise."
You then teleport as far away from the barn as possible. You pop up on a dirt road. You look around you to see that there are three different paths. From what you can see one leads to a shack near the woods. Another leads to the woods, and the last one leads to a open flied.
Go to the shack with some luck the only one who will uderstand you is inside
To Da Shack.
Nothing good happened to you in the woods. The field will give you no cover from Rainbow Dash. Head for the shack. After all, when was the last time you ate?
go to the shack near the woods. there is a yellow pegasus there, and is PROBABLY the most forgiving of the bunch, and wont kill you on sight.
Go to the shack. Hopefully, you can hide there, disguised as someone else, or at least get some help.
Go to the shack near the woods.
You don't know why, but you feel as if the shed near the woods is the safest place to go. Maybe because the forest probably has a bunch of beastly creatures in it that probably won't mind having a bug for dinner, but you still can’t put your hoof on it. And, the field is wide open for Rainbow Dash's dive bombs, that and the fact that she will be super mad at you and she probably won't miss this time. So you decide to take the path leading to the shed.
You are halfway there when you realize that you haven't transformed yet, and you begin to face-hoof at how dumb you are for not doing that sooner. So you imagine a red coated unicorn with a yellow mane/tail. You imagine your eye color being orange-yellow. You basically look like this (I didn't make this, all credit goes to it's rightful owner)->
You then transform into the unicorn you imagined. You look at a nearby river (which so happened to be near you for the plot's sake) to see if you did transformed, and luckily you did. You then check your flake to see if you have the cutie mark you made up are supposed too… only to see a blank flake. You sigh in sadness and say to yourself, "Of course, even in a disguise I can't get a cutie mark." You shake your head in sadness and continue down the path towards the shack.
On your way to the shack a shadow pass over you. You look up to see what looks like a griffon flying away from Ponyville. She, you think the griffon is a she at least, is flying close to the ground so you can see her face. She looks like she’s...crying? Whoa... I wonder what could have possibly made her cry?, you think to yourself in surprise. You were going to go and try to get her attention to see if you could ask her what was wrong, when you see a rainbow blur coming your way.
You dive into the nearest bush you can find and wait for Rainbow to go by. You notice that she appears to be going after the griffon. You would have gone after them if you weren't too scared that Applejack could be near by following Rainbow. Your eyelids start to get heavy and you realize that you haven't had anytime to relax in the past few hours, and before you know it, you fall asleep in the bush you were hiding in.
THE NEXT DAY
You wake up with the sun in your eyes… again! "I swear if the embodiment of the sun wasn't an all powerful alicorn, I would sooooo find someway to block out the sun if only for one day so that I can sleep in!" you say to yourself in annoyance. You get of the bush you were hiding in and you look around too see if anyling was nearby. Luckily for you there isn't anyling near you. You turn around and continue down the path towards the shack. On your way there you notice a thick, black smog coming from a mountain near by. Your worried about what might be causing it, but you shrug it off and decide to worry about it later.
FEW MINUTES LATER
You finally make to the shack after a while and see that it looks like this (I suck at describing in detail so use this picture to help ya)->
That's… that's alot of animals, you think to yourself in shock. You ain't kidding either, there must be millions of animals all over the place. You think you even saw a bear or two here as well. If someling lives here, then they must really love animals, you think in a deadpanned tone. You stealthily walk, and by that you manage to step on every twig near you as well as one or two tails (you'll have scars in places you didn't even know you could get scars in) to a window near the cottage. You peek in to see a yellow pegasus with a pink mane/tail putting on... a hoofball helmet and other kinds of sports wear.
This mare must really like sports, you think to yourself. You get this nagging feeling that you've seen this pony before, but you can't understand why. ...
...
...
*ding*
You see a pegasus there who looks familia- OH BUCK NOT ANOTHER ELEMENT OF HARMONY!
OH SHOOT IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF THE PONY'S WHO BEAT YOU BACK AT THE WEDDING! You begin to have a panic attack at the thought of another one of those mares knowing that you’re here. You almost manage to calm yourself down, until you hear the pegasus (barely heard her to be honest) say in a whisper like tone,
"I can't believe that me and the girls have to go and talk to a dra...dra...dragon!" The mare looks like she’s about to faint when she says that, and you can't blame her. Your face pales at the thought of going against a dragon,but you get a idea. A stupid, stupid idea...that just might get you into the good graces of the ponies here.
You’re gonna help take care of that pesky dragon!
...
...
...
Yeah your a dead bug.
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 23: Following The Six Crazy Mares (Part 1)
C) You don't want to risk blowing your cover in front of ALL SIX ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!
C. Applejack would just pick you out immediately for option A, and B stands for barbecue in which you are the main course. So go with C.
I vote Option C.
You decide that the best option to help would be to follow them at a safe distance, and by a safe distance you mean AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE FROM THEM. You considered going with them, but then you remembered that Applejack could be one of the ponies going with the pegasus so you aren't going to take that chance. You also considered going against the dragon by yourself, but then you remembered that B stands for Barbecue in which you are the main course, and you don't feel like getting eaten by a dragon today. You wait until the yellow pegasus is far away enough from you, then you follow her into Ponyville.
30 MINUTES LATER
You followed the pegasus all the way to the center of town. She went into a tree house of some kind, so you decided that it would be best for you to hide out in a tree near by. You quickly climb up a tree near the tree house and wait for her to come back out. It's a couple minutes later when she comes out with five other mares… ALL OF THEM FROM THE WEDDING THAT KICKED YOUR FLANK! You begin to freak-out over the fact that every mare knows that you are in the area, and the fact that they all hate you for doing something mean to them. You begin to calm down when you realize that they aren't heading your way. Instead they all get into a straight line, like guards would do when their commanding officer was inspecting them, and Twilight began to walk back and forth from them and she began to give out instructions.
You hear bits and pieces of what Twilight is telling them, and from what you can hear apparently Twilight has a map planed out showing the best way up the mountain. Twilight says something you can't hear that causes the yellow pegasus to start to shiver like crazy. Poor girl, must be terrified about what ever Twilight said, you think to yourself in sympathy. Rainbow then says something to Applejack, which causes Rarity to...take out a scarf and puts it on?
You see Twilight pull out the map, and you see the yellow pegasus walk over to her. You can't hear exactly what they’re saying. It looks like the pegasus is trying to say something to Twilight, but it looks like Twilight's too busy reading the map to listen. The yellow pegasus suddenly looks really happy and she starts to...leave. Twilight suddenly notices this and she says something to the pegasus. You lose interest after that and decide to pass the time by…
Seeing how you are about to go up against a DRAGON you also decide to read "Kung-Fu For Dummies" and learn either: "Chain Punch" OR "No Shadow Kick"
Reading your 'Kung-Fu For Dummies' book, you know since you’re going against a stinking DRAGON, you think it would be a good idea to know some form of attack to live a little bit longer. You think about it so that you can take it out of The Inventory, and you begin to look though the list of moves you could learn. One move catches your eye, its called the 'No Shadow Kick" heres how it looks like.
A couple of minutes later you memorize all the steps to do the move, and you hopefully think that you got it down pat. Hopefully, a dragon will feel this, or at the very least be distracted by it long enough so that it won't eat me.You think to yourself in both terror and hope.
Learned 'No Shadow Kick'
You turned back to the ponies to see...them running off with the yellow pegasus being dragged away with them. They know that that's technically kidnapping...right?you think to yourself in confusion. You realize that they are getting away from you, so you decide that the fastest way to catch up with them would be too…
remambering the multiple stealth games youve played (hitmare a ponys creed etc.) you use you amazing free running skills to tail them thrugh the trees
Try doing stealth free running skills, like those stealth games you played (Hitmare, Pony's Creed, etc.). You take a deep breath and begin to run across the buildings...without messing up at all. You would have thought of how surprisingly good you are at this, but you decide that the best thing to do would be to focus on making the jumps and not getting seen by any of the ponies down below.
24 MINUTES LATER
You finally manage to catch up with the six mares after alot of tree jumping. You somehow manage to jump stealthy into a tree near where the six mares stopped at. But, as soon as you got there you hear a deep loud snore coming from the top of the mountain. You would have wondered why the dragon was sleeping, if it weren't for the fact that the yellow pegasus from before flipped over like a goat that just fainted and was frozen in fear.
From what you can see, Applejack will be taking the map and the yellow pegasus on a different path up the mountain, and Twilight, Rainbow, Rarity, and Pinkie will be taking the original path up the mountain.Oh no, they’re splitting up. Should I follow the large group of ponies where there would be a higher chance of me getting caught, or should I follow Applejack and the yellow pegasus where the chance of getting caught is lower but then there's Applejack and her changeling sensing thing I have to worry about. You make up your mind and decide to follow…
Who should you follow?
Episode 24: Following The Brave One and The Scared One (Part 2)
You feel sorry for the yellow pegasus. You decide to risk it with Applejack and follow the small group.
Follow aj and fluttershy.
Flutters and Applejack
Go with Apple and Flutters, the path is longer and they might need your help along the way. Especially with Fluttershy K.O.ed like she is.
Deciding to use logic and deduction like your hero, Sherclop Holmes (note to self, read other Sherclop books in your free time), you reason that going with the larger group of four mares would be downright suicidal. Also, you deduce that the yellow pegasus is definitely as scared as you are (if not more so which you didn't even think was possible) and could possibly be a future help.
You decide to follow Applejack and the yellow pegasus. Not only is it smaller then the other group so there's less chance of you getting caught, but there's also the fact of how the yellow pegasus is acting. You decide to try and use logic and deduction like one of your hero, Sherclop Holmes. You somehow manege to deduce that the yellow pegasus is definitely as scared as you are, if not more so, which you didn't even think was possible. You also make a mental note to self, to read the other Sherclop books in your free time. You are about to follow them when a thought cross your mind...
...Wait a second,
"Don't you remember Twi? You cast a spell on me after the wedding. You said it would only*yawn* work on me since I was the Element of Honesty, and a disguise is kind of like a lie. The spell gives me this twitch on mah back whenever a changeling is around," she tells you and then...immediately falls back asleep.
The way this was phrased makes me think that AJ's detection thing only works when a changeling is in disguise. Perhaps it would be a good idea to drop our current disguise because we are not intending to interact with anybody directly and having it on will only set off AJ's changeling sense. It is not like it takes all that long to get a disguise up and running anyway.
You remember how Applejack described the spell Twilight put on her.
"Don't you remember Twi? You cast a spell on me after the wedding. You said it would only*yawn* work on me since I was the Element of Honesty, and a disguise is kind of like a lie. The spell gives me this twitch on mah back whenever a changeling is around."
The why that was worded makes you think the spell could only work when you are disguised, but you quickly shake off the thought There's no telling if that's how the spell work's. You think to yourself in a serious, Besides it's to late to see if that's true or not, if I do release my disguise now then the mares would see the flash from the spell. You then notice that the mares are moving out again, so with a silent jump (somehow) you begin to follow be hide Applejack and the yellow pegasus.
12 MINUTES LATER
You follow the smaller group and help them in subtle (and often painful (to you)) ways,
For the past twelve minutes you've been secretly helping Applejack and the yellow pegasus get though the alternate path up the mountain. You've learned three things because of this, one is that the yellow pegasus is scared of EVERY LITTLE THING! You don't what to sound mean, but because of her false alarm screams of fright, almost all bruises you got were from them. Two, the two mares your following are very danger prone. All the things that you stop from happening to the two mares had only happened when they got close to them. Heck, one of the things that happened was a boulder almost flatten them, but get this. You went ahead of them to see if anything nearby was dangerous. You saw the boulder and decide to test its sturdiness, you pushed and pulled the thing with your magic and it didn't even budge by a inch. Yet when the two mares walk under it, the stinking thing begins to fall right on top of them! Luckily for them you used your magic to pull it away from them. Sadly, you use to much magic in your panic to save the mares, so the boulder smacked right into you because of that. Your horn is now to inches smaller now thanks to that.
Finally, You really, really, really hate Lady Luck. You thought you had bad luck, but these mares have even more terrible luck then you! You didn't even think that was possible. You just thank Luna's moon that no wild animals have po*growl* OH FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA! You look over from your hiding spot, another tree, to see a mountain lion walking towards the two ponies. For some reason Applejack is the only one who is scared, and the yellow pegasus isn't scared at all. Which shocks you considering the yellow pegasus, from what you've seen, is scared of everything. Your about to use your magic to scare away the mountain lion, when you see the most unbelievable thing ever.
The yellow pegasus is cuddling the mountain lion, and the mountain lion is purring...
The yellow pegasus, the same yellow pegasus who's scared of literally everything, is hugging a wild, predatory, animal...
....
....
....
*crack* That's the sound of your brain breaking...again! Your jaw drops to the ground, no literary its just hanging from your mouth on the ground. You do what everyling does when they see something that shouldn't be possible...you faint.
10 MINUTES LATER
You wake up awhile later to see that somehow you manege to hold onto the branch of the tree you are on even though you fainted. You look around to see that Applejack and the yellow pegasus are both gone. You begin to panic, thinking that you lost them and that you were stranded on this mountain forever. Or worse, they could have been eaten by that mountain lion, and you could have saved them, but you fainted because of something very immature and it will be all your fault. OH LUNA, WHAT HAVE I DONE. WHAT AM I GONNA TELL THERE FAMILY'S. OH NO, WHAT AM I GONNA TELL APPLEBLOOM. I'M DOOMED, DOOMED I SA*slap*. You slap yourself to calm yourself down when you see there tracts. You sigh in relief and say out loud "Oh thank goodness, there alive...I hope." You begin to stealthily follow the tracts.
12 MINUTES LATER
You finally make it to were the two mares went to. You see that they have caught up with the others and are talking about something. You look at the ground to see...a billion sets of tik-tak-toe? Whoever played X's must really stink at playing, cause they lost every time. You think to yourself while holding back your laughter so that you don't get caught. You notice that they are continuing going up the mountain. You are about to follow them when you see a other path that looks like a shortcut up the mountain. You decide to take....
Which path do you take?
Episode 25: Following The Danger Prone Ponies. (Part 3)
Stay with the group! They (obviously) need all the help they can get. *Grumbles incoherent mild profanities about going on adventurers while under-prepared*
Follow the ponies.
Follow mane six.
Follow the ponies. The other path could lead Luna-knows-where
knowing that these pones are impossibly danger prone, (although the boulder may have been loosened from testing its sturdiness) if there is anything you learned from 'dark woes 2' (how the hay is a game THAT hard?) its that danger and traps are around any mountain area ever FACT and that the world,luck, and fate trys to make your life suck as much as possible. (as evidenced by past events) so you decide to follow the main 6 and not take the "short cut" that's obviously gonna send you hurling down a bottomless pit.
You decide that sticking with the girls would be the best course of action. You think of how they probably need your help considering how danger prone Applejack and the yellow pegasus is. If they are that danger prone, I wonder how danger prone the rest of the girls are? You think to yourself in confusion. You also want to follow them and not the short-cut, because Luna knows where it could lead. that and the fact that if you learned anything from 'Dark Woes 2' (you still haven't figured out a game can be that hard)! Its that danger and traps are always around a mountain. There's also the fact that, for some cruel reason, the world,luck, and fate always try's to make your life suck as much as possible. So for all you know, that 'short-cut' could lead to a hungry hydra or a bottomless pit. So with that in mind, you begin to follow the ponies up the mountain.
18 MINUTES LATER
For eighteen minutes you've been following the mares up the mountain, and NOTHING HAS STINKING HAPPENED YET! You haven't been this bored since karaoke night at the hive. You love karaoke, it's one of your favorite hobby's, but it was so boring because your ex-queen was the only one allowed to sing. To make matters worse she sung 'This Day Aria' over and over again, she sung it so many times that you practically memorized the song. Anyway, you look over to the mares from your hiding spot, another tree, to see that they are heading over to a tiny cliff. Literately tiny, you swear you could just walk over it and you would be fine.
The group stops at the edge of the tiny cliff, and Rainbow is the first one to jump over it...a foot away from the cliff! Showoff you think to yourself in an annoyed tone, you see you don't like showoffs at all you down right hate them (remember that for later *hint hint*). You hear a growl come from be hide you and you look over to see a chipmunk giving you the stink-eye. "What do you want?" You ask in a confused yet angry tone. Your still annoyed about Rainbow showing off. The chipmunk gives you another growl before it jumps you! One cartoon fight scene later and we see you looking like you just fought a timber wolf. *moan* You didn't know chipmunks bites could hurt so munch.
You look over to the group after your *ahem* 'fight' with the chipmunk, to see that all the mares have crossed over the cliff...all of them except the yellow pegasus. Before you can do anything to help the scared pegasus, you see Pinkie jump back and froth between the cliff sides while...singing? "Why is she singing about jumping from a cliff?" You ask yourself in confusion. But, it looks like the yellow pegasus might actually jump over the cliff. You smile a little bit at that and think Come mare you can do it, face your fear.
She looks like she might actually do! Good mare, now as long as she doesn't look do"AHHHHHHHH" LUNA DRAT SHE LOOKED DOWN! She's frozen in fear by the looks of it, and she looks like shes gonna fall! Thinking quickly, you use your magic to lift her up and place her on the other side of the cliff with her friends. Before you can pat yourself on the back for a good save, you realized that you just used magic AND THAT YOU PROBABLY JUST BLEW YOUR COVER! You are about to panic over this, when you look over to the group to see...that they are still going up the mountain? Your confused as to why they didn't try and figure out who help the yellow pegasus, but you decide to worry about that after this mission (you like the sound of that to be honest) is over with. With that thought in mind you continue to quietly follow the group.
29 MINUTES LATER
twenty-nine minutes later we see you hiding in a tree (again) as the group of mares walking on a steep cliff side path. You guess it's an avalanche zone, because the group is talking in whispers so you can't hear a word they are saying. You try to hear what they are saying by walking across the branch your on, only to cause a couple of leaves to fall off the tree. You stare in silent horror as you see one of the leaves fall onto the yellow pegasus flank. "AVVVVAAALLLLAAAANNNNCCCHHHHHEEEE!!!!" Applejack quickly covers the yellow pegasus mouth and you wait for the incoming rock slide. But, nothing happens, you and the group of mares sigh in relief only for rocks to suddenly start to fall on you and the mares. The mares start to scream in psnic and they begin to dodge the falling rocks.
You also start to dodge the falling rocks, not caring if you get caught, when you see the yellow pegasus frozen in fear as a giant rock starts to fall right on top of her. Time seems to slow down as you see the hopelessness in her eyes, and you do something unthinkable...you jump towards her. You manege to push her out of the way and she looks at you in shock. You just smile at and you close your eyes, accepting your fate.
...
...
...
*SQUISH*
31 MINUTES LATER
You wake up. You look around surprised to see that you are still alive. In fact your in a completely different place then you were before. "I must have automatically teleported to as safe place before that rock could squish me...hahahhahah I'M ALIVE YESSSSS HAAAHAH I'M ALIVE!!!!" You yell to yourself in happiness. That is until the red rock in front of you opens its eyes and growls at you.
To quote forevertheDoctor's excellent idea: "when you're confronting the dragon, first of all the dragon should say to you; "I am fire. I am death."
You stare in horror as the red 'rock' slowly begins to stand up. You begin to shake in fear as you realize that the red 'rock' is in fact...THE STINKING DRAGON! The dragon stares down at you with cold yellow eyes and says to you in a low growl "I am fire. I am death." You stare at the dragon in pure utter terror and you say the first thing that comes to your mind...
"Er...eh...OHH, LOOK A DISTRACTION!" and then run away in fear from the dragon (Smaug) when suddenly you remember your oath to yourself to be the most righteous changeling ever! Then turn and fight! You have no idea why you want to call him 'Smaug' but you do. And you know you are so very dead, but at least you'll die a changeling hero!"
"Er...eh...OHH, LOOK A DISTRACTION!" You then proceed to run away from the like a little school filly. You run all the way outside and you look be hide you, still running, to see the dragon hasn't gone after you. You continue to run though as you are terrified of what that dragon (Smaug) will do to you if he catches you. You run all the down the mountain until you reach the bottom of it. You don't know how long you ran, but it must have been a very long time considering that you are know at the bottom of the mountain. You begin to sigh in relief that you escaped Smaug, you don't know why you called him that, maybe its because you watched 'The Desolation of Smaug' right before the failed invasion attack happened. It doesn't matter now, because you now deem the dragon Smaug.
You hear a roar coming from the top of the mountain, and you wouldn't have cared if it weren't for the fact that you heard FIVE MARES SCREAMING AS WELL! "Oh no, the girls must have gone up there when I ran away, that means they will face the wrath of Smaug and it will be all my fault!" You say to yourself in distress. Your suddenly remember that you made a oath to Luna to be the most righteous changeling ever! So you begin to charge up a teleprot spell when you think of something...
oh wait do you have the inventory still? If you don't then you have permission to freak out!!!! Or you could punch the rock until you get bored but most important... DO YOU HAVE THE INVENTORY?!
Oh dear Luna...DO I STILL HAVE THE INVENTORY!? You think to yourself in distress. You have no idea if it fell off you when you pushed that yellow pegasus away from the falling rock during the avalanche. You quickly look at your back to see if its still there and...it is. But, for some odd reason a midnight colored glow coming from inside The Inventory. "What the heck is that?" You ask yourself in confusion. "Whatever, it doesn't matter now, I need to focus on saving the girls!" You say to yourself in a determined tone. With that, you teleport to the top of the mountain...hopefully
A FEW SECONDS LATER
You appear on the top of the mountain on the side of where Smaug is. You look over to see that Applejack, Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, and Twilight all on the ground hugging each other in fear. You look around for the yellow pegasus and you see her...hiding be hide a rock? Oh yeah...shes afraid of everything...besides mountain lions for some odd reason. You think to yourself in a deadpan tone. You start to hear this in the background, and you can't help but think that it fits very well considering the situation. You then think of the stupidest plan that will probably end with you dead and...you do it. The plan is...
As the dragon is about to attack the downed Mane 5, you charge at the dragon yelling in the Royal Canterlot Voice "I'M THE DISTRACTION!!!". Distracted by your sudden verbal assault, you manage to hit the stunned dragon in the eye with No Shadow Kick.
You charge up your RCV and then you charge at Smaug. You then yell, using a fully charged RCV, when your halfway to the dragon
I'M THE DISTRACTION"
Smaug is distracted by your sudden verbal assault, so you jump right at Smaug's head. You give a mighty war cry and yell "No Shadow Kick! You then do the 'No Shadow Kick'...right into Smaug's right eye. Smaug is stunned by the attack, which should give the mares plenty of time to get away. You look over to the mares to see that they are staring at you in shock. You give a annoyed sigh and then you yell at them "Don't just stand there, RUN!" They nod there heads and they begin to run away. Twilight looks at you, but then she screams "Behind you!"
You look at her questionably, and you turn around...TO SEE A GIANT FIST HEADING RIGHT TOWARDS YOU! There was no time to dodge it, so you sadly got smashed by it. *crack* "OWWWWWWWWWW!" That was the sound of your rib cage breaking. Smaug lifts his fist up and smiles curly at you and he says "Not so tough now huh little pony." He then picks you up and squeezes you.
*CRUSH* "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" There goes your back bone.
Smaug then begins to smash you into the wall repeatedly, causing a sinking *crack* every time you hit the wall. You never felt so much pain in your entire life, you didn't even know this much pain could be caused. Your eyes began to fill with tears you had so much pain. Your pretty sure your back left leg and your right front leg are broken. Finally, Smaug throws you onto the ground, which causes your transformation to break, revealing to the ponies that you are a changeling! The mares, the yellow pegasus included, stare at your broken buggy body in horror and shock. Smaug just stares at you for awhile, then he turns his attention to the mares and he begins to walk towards them.
No, I won't let him touch them.
You barley manage to stand, pain course though you when you do, and you look at Smaug with confidence and yell "HEY UGLY!" Smaug, and the mares, looks at you with shock surprised that you are still standing. You cough up some green blood and you smile at him. You then say to him "You can mess me up, you can beat me into the ground, you can break every bone in my body. But, you can never ever, hurt the ponies I swore to Princess Luna that I will protect!" You stomp your non-broken hoof into the ground. You then remember the music that's playing in the background, and you get a stupid idea,
"Oh, and dragon" You begin to charge up your RCV. "Never mess...with the Dovahkiin!" You then scream, with the RCV, three famous words of power...
use a fus ro da on the dragon:D..... Skyrim rules!!
FUS RO DAH
And it worked! It actually worked! Smaug was sent flying into the wall be hide him. Sadly for you, he manage to hit you with his tail sending off the mountain and making you plummet towards the ground.
(your life flashing before your eyes... Boy, you spent alot of time playing video games and you were TERRIBLE at the whole "evil" thing) and land in the river)
Your life begins flash before your eyes... Boy, you spent alot of time playing video games and you were TERRIBLE at the whole "evil" thing. But there is this one memory you never remembered having. It's you and a female changeling at a young age, you guess six years old, playing together and laughing and having fun. And call you crazy but...she looks like the younger version of your ex-queen! Your trip down memory lane end when you, luckily, fall into a river. The last thing you see before you pass out is a black and white figure heading your way. Then all you see is darkness.
What do you do when you wake up?
Episode 27: DON'T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT And Rhyming!?
You wake up in a tunnel of black with a white light at the end of it. A voice tells you not to go into the light. You turn around to see a shape of hazy midnight blue with two pure white spots for eyes floating behind you. The figure spreads wings and, with a final warning not to go into the light, turns to fly away. You chase after it.
Purgatory
You wake up in a tunnel of black with a white light at the end of it. You look around to see that you are completely surrounded by darkness and that the only source of light is the one at the end. You begin to wonder where you are and how you got here, considering you were just thrown of a cliff by Smaug. Then it hits you, the light at the end of the tunnel, surrounded by complete darkness. Your dead, your stinking dead. You would have started to freak out if weren't for the fact that the light felt really good. You begin to walk towards the light in a zombie like trance, when you hear someling from behind you screamed "DON'T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!"
You manage to turn around ignoring the light for now, and you see a....being of some sort. It looks like a shape of hazy midnight blue with two terrifying pure white spots for eyes floating behind you. "Wha....what are you?" You ask the being with fear, You feel as if those pure white spots are staring into your soul. The being gives a scoff of some sort and then says "I shouldn't be surprised that you do not know of me, but for now it doesn't matter. All you need to know is that if you go, so do I. So I'll give one warning that you better follow. Stay away from the light." With that the being spreads wings and it begins to fly away from you.
You don't understand whats going on, but you do know that the being is the only one with the answers. So with one last look towards the light and a whisper of "Not yet" you begin to chase down the being. When you get close enough to it, which should be impossible considering that the being is flying and your not, and you begin to scream questions at it like "Who are you? What do you mean you die when I die? How do I get out of here?" What you didn't notice was that you were heading straight towards another source of light. When you finally notice its to late, you already went though it.
THE REAL WORLD
you have just been beaten by a drgon and thrown from a mountain, you are either dead or delireous with all your injurys! therefore you must ramble on and on in your delireium as visions of your past come to you.(say a bunch of really emberasing crap as you mentally relive the past!) like "noooooooooo aunt Bugameen i dont like knit-sweaters" or "maybe im not a good evil henchbug because i never wanted to be one in the first place! IT WAS YOUR DREAM DAD I JUST WANTED TO DANCE!(video-game?)"
We see the changeling (you) in a hut in the woods. You appear to be mumbling things in your current unconscious state. If someling were to listen closely, and someling is, they would hear this "Noooooooooo aunt Bugameen I don't like knit-sweaters. Maybe I'm not a good evil henchbug because i never wanted to be one in the first place! IT WAS YOUR DREAM EX-QUEEN I JUST WANTED TO BE UNIQUE! No no get away from me you nut-job of a changeling, how many times do I have to tell you I don't want your dirty magazine, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!" This would continue until the you would open your eyes and scream...
wake up and yell "ARE THE GIRLS OKAY!?" To make yourself look all selfless and noble and stuff
Ask if the mane six are okay
"ARE THE GIRLS OKAY!?" You look around you, still resting on the bed, to see that no one around you to answer your question. You also see a mirror to your left. At least I can see how badly Smaug beat me. You think to yourself in a deadpanned tone. One of the creepiest thing's you notice is that right above you are...
you wake up in a hut with giant wooden masks grinning down on you.
A bunch of grinning wooden voodoo mask. You can't help but feel slightly disturbed at the smiles that they have. Deciding that you've had enough of the creepy voodoo mask show, you get up from the bed. Sadly you get up to fast and all the pain from yesterday hits you...
You then scream in pain because a dragon just used you as his personal pinball machine.
After we sit up too fast and yell as suggested by others "Ow, Ow, Ow. Dear Luna, So much PAIN."
"OW, OW, OW. DEAR LUNA, SO MUCH PAIN!" You yell at the top of your buggy lungs. You feel as if you were just used by someling for their own personal pinball machine, oh wait...YOU WERE! You slowly, very slowly as to not cause any more pain to yourself, and you looked at the mirror. And you see something surprising. On your chest is a glowing midnight-colored mark that looks like this(This belongs to the rightful owner, not me.) ->
You begin to panic that there is a glowing mark on your chest that wasn't there before, when it suddenly disappears. You can't help but make this comment "Cadence is not going to like this, and I really hope I can contact her soon." You hear a "Ahem" from behind you. You turn around to see a zebra with a mo hawk. She has blue eyes and she appears to be wearing alot of jewelry. Her cutie mark appears to be a spiral with weird markings. She looks like this ->
"You are fortunate to have this meeting, it seems you have taken quite the beating." a voice tells you in rhyme as you come back to the world of not being dead.
"You are fortunate to have this meeting, it seems you have taken quite the beating." The zebra rhymes to you? "Would you kindly explain to me how this came to be" She asked you in a rhyme. You don't understand why shes rhyming, but you don't want to be rude to the zebra who probably saved your flank. So you begin to explain to her what happened.
45 MINUTES LATER
You and the zebra, who you learned is named Zecora, talked for the next forty-five minutes. Apparently you took more of a beating then you thought you did from Smaug. You've been out for six weeks! Luckily, Zecora saw you fall into the river and she rescued you. She's been taking care of you since then. You asked her if anything happened while you were out, and she told that the girls are okay, but for some reason the yellow pegasus was both crying and glaring at Rainbow for some reason. You didn't even know it was possible for that pegasus to glare. Besides a infestation of these things called Parasprites in Ponyville a few weeks back nothing else has happened. You asked if she wanted to be friends with a changeling, and she said yes! You admit you hugged her and jumped up and down like a little school filly.
After awhile Zecora left to do some herb hunting (which was what she was doing when she saved you) and you were left all b yourself. It is then that you remember something...
first things first CHECK THE GLOWY SPARKLE THING IN THE INVENTORY!!!! WHO CARES IF ITS DANGEROUS IF ITS SPARKLY AND GLOWY!!! SPARKLY AND GLOWY ARE GOOD BECAUSE OF THIS PONY:
That The Inventory was glowing before you went to fight Smaug. You look for it, and see that the bag is still glowing with a midnight aura. "How did me and Zecora miss that?" You ask yourself in confusion. You shrug it off and decide to see whats going on with The Inventory. You slowly begin to open The Inventory, for all you know it could explode at any second. When it is opened, nothing happens. Then suddenly something jumps out of The Inventory. You fall backwards in shock and you scream a little in pain when you do fall. when you do get up you see this (I don't own this, it belongs to it''s rightful owner)->
The little filly appears to be wearing a smaller version of the armor you found back at the old castle. The filly looks around for a little bit, but then her cat like eyes stop at you. The little filly smiles brightly at you and then says two words that shock you to your very core...
You can't do anything but stutter "Ha-ha-habahabahaba-" you shake your head and simply stutter some more. "What? WHAT?!" The filly hugs you, nearly crushing your already battered ribcage. Your eyes widen. "What."
You can't do anything but stutter at how impossible this is. "Ha-ha-habhabhabhabhabhabhabahabahabahabahabahabahabhab etc." You continue to do this for the next minute or so. Your 'daughter'. as she calls herself, begins to giggle like a school filly...which she is. "*giggle* Your really funny daddy, you know that. I bet alot of ponies would find this really funny too." For some reason when she is saying this, she is looking away from you and instead is looking at the wall. You would have question this if it weren't for the fact that your mind was broken at the moment. The filly then begins to walk over to you...and hugs you.
You would have thought that the face she was giving you when she is hugging you was adorable, if it weren't for the fact that your healing rib cage WASN'T BEING CRUSH BY THE FILLY'S IRON GRIP. Seriously, how can a filly have such a powerful grip. You quickly use your magic to teleport out of the death-grip and back onto the bed. The filly gives a little pout at what you did, but then she looks at you in awe and says in a awestruck tone "Coooooool, can you teach me to do that daddy." When the little filly says 'daddy' again you finally gain your sense and you begin to stutter out a sentence...
Bugzy: "What! I- Daddy? I- you- and The Inventory- I can't have- how would that even- I didn't even know Inventory was a she, and I never even took her on a date before- oh my head."
"What! I- Daddy? I- you- and The Inventory- I can't have- how would that even- I didn't even know Inventory was a she, and I never even took her on a date before- oh my head." You hold your hoof to your head. Your head feels like it has it's own private heavy metal concert going on inside it. The filly looks at you worried and asks "Are you okay Daddy? You don't look so good." That's it! I gonna take a nap and ignore this craziness, GOODNIGHT! You hear a voice say in your head. Suddenly you get really light-headed, more so then before, and then you realize something. The voice in my head must have been my consciousness, so that means...
*Bugzy faints*
You do the only thing anyling or pony could if they had a dash of common sense. You faint.
*Thud* Annnnnnnnd, you faint for the fourth time now! Who new being good could be so hard, The last thing you hear before you lose consciousness is the the filly calling out to you "Daddy!". Then....you faint.
SOMETIME LATER
You wake up...again on the bed Zecora put you on to rest after your battle with Smaug. You look around for the filly and you can't seem to find her. You look over at The Inventory to see that it is not glowing anymore. Maybe...maybe that was all just some weird dream I had. You think to yourself. You would have continue to have thought that...if it weren't for the fact that, when you looked at the mirror, that the strange symbol is still on your chest. It's barely noticeable, and it would probably take someling looking closely at it to actually notice it. "Okay so that wasn't a dream, so that means the filly is still here, but were?" You ask yourself. It is then that you notice a note next to The Inventory. You walk over to it and see that it is written in some sort of midnight colored...crayon? You decide to read the note, and it says...
Dear Daddy,
It's me! Your adorable daughter. I bet Your wondering were I am aren't you.
You can't help but shake your head while mumbling "Yes" when you read that. You then continue to read the note.
Well you see, when you went to sleep. I figured that it was time to go to bed. Soooo, I climbed back into 'The Inventory' (that's what you call my bed right?) and went to my room. I'll see you in the mourning daddy!
Love, Your adorable daughter.
*eye twitch* Silently ask the heavens why they delight in making your life difficult.
*twitch*Your eye starts to twitch and you can't help but ask why the heavens delight in making your life difficult. You have got to be kidding me! Of all the weird things you could do to me, you had to make me not only have a 'daughter' but she also lives IN THE STINKING INVENTORY You think to yourself in both shock and anger. You sigh and decide you can argue with the heavens later. You also decide that asking her how she came to be will have to wait until tomorrow. For now you decided that the only thing to do now is to...
Top priority: FIND A WAY TO CONTACT CANDANCE.
Find someway to contact Cadance. Not only will it be good to see her again, but she might be able to help you with your two little problems. Problem one is the stinking symbol on your chest and why its there, and problem two being the filly who thinks shes your daughter. Now the only problem is...how exactly are you gonna contact her?
What do you do?
Episode 29: Finding A Way To Contact Cadance...Hopefully.
As you begin to think of ways to contact Cadance, you notice Zecora coming back to the hut. You look down at the symbol on your chest, and you begin to panic that Zecora might see it. Sure it's barely noticeable, but you have a feeling that Zecora might see it somehow. Or even worse it could start to glow again and she would defiantly notice that! As you begin to look around for something to cover your chest, it hits you. No literally it hits you! You look at the object to find out it is a coat of some kind. It's almost completely black except for a huge zipper on the front of it. It also has this hood on it that looks like it can cover your whole. It looks like this ->
You notice a note on the top of the coat and its the same hoove writing as the note you read when you got The Inventory! You quickly begin to read it. It says this...
Dear....Bugze?, Really my buggy friend...Bugze. Sigh...oh well your choice in names. Anyway, this coat should help with your little "symbol" problem. This coat is enchanted you see. Whoever wears this cannot be detected by any kind of detection magic. The hood also conceals your face completely. Even if a pony looks right at your head, they would see nothing but pure darkness. Oh, I think you zebra friend is coming. Good luck!
From, A Friend
You can't help but whisper "Who are you?" You notice that Zecora is coming closer to the door, so you quickly put on the coat. Somehow it fits you perfectly. Zecora then comes into her hut and sees you wearing the coat, and she asks you in rhyme where it came from. You quickly tell her that you got it out of The Inventory and that you've had it for awhile now. You don't like to lie, especially to your friends, but you don't know if you can trust this "friend" or not so its probably best that Zecora doesn't know where you got it from. Zecora then looks surprised and she says...
Zecora comes back and comments on how quickly you're healing: "I am surprised that you're barely sickly" "For nopony has ever healed so quickly."
"I'm surprised that you're barely sickly, for nopony has ever healed so quickly." You can't help but agree with her. She's right. I mean I've been squished, pummeled, stabbed by needles *shiver*, attacked by apples (both pony and the actual thing), and even smashed by a dragon. How is it even possible that I'm still breathing. You think to yourself in confusion. You realize that Zecora is still waiting for a response, so you quickly stutter out "I gu..guess changelings have a higher healing factors then ponies and zebras." Another lie to add to the list of "sins I've done as a good guy" great, just great. Suddenly you remember that you need to contact Cadance. You then remember something that happened at the wedding that might be able to help you. And that is....
You remember that purple unicorn, Twilight, was suspicious of your queen when she posed as Cadance. Maybe she knows Cadance really well? Since she's a unicorn, she might also know more about the Inventory and how your daughter came to be. To top that off, she saw you risk your life against Smaug, so she won't hate you on sight. Right?
How you remember that the purple unicorn, Twilight, was suspicious of your ex-queen when she posed as Cadance. Maybe she knows Cadance really well? Since she's a unicorn, she might also know more about the Inventory and how your daughter came to be. To top that off, she saw you risk your life against Smaug, so she won't hate you on sight. Right?
Hopefully your right about the whole "she won't hate you' thing. You quickly tell Zecora what your plan is. You also embarrassedly ask her, after you ran out the door, if she knows where Twilight lives. She laughs at your little display and tells you in rhyme that she lives in the Ponyville library. You quickly thank her and you begin to gallop down the path outside her house, where you hope leads to town.
11 MINUTES LATER
Halfway to town you realized that you haven't checked The Inventory in awhile. So you decide to take a break on the edge of the forest to check it. Here's whats in The Inventory....
"Royal Canterlot Voice For Dummies" "How to be A Gentle Colt 101" All Six Sherclop Holmes Novels and all fifty-six short stories "Stun Spells and You" Brown pouch with nine Bits in it "Kung-Fu For Dummies" One little filly who thinks shes your daughter
You also notice that it looks like on heck of a storm is gonna happen. Considering how all the clouds are a grey as your pegasus (you really need to learn her name) friends body, your pretty sure that it will definitely going to rain. You decide to put your hood up, and you look into a puddle near you and see that...YOU DON'T HAVE A FACE! You would have panic if it weren't for the fact that you remembered what the note said. Oh yeah...this coat is enchanted. No one can see my face when I have this hood up. You think to yourself with joy. You think this is great cause not only can you test to see if Applejacks sense thing works on you now, and you don't need to transform either.
Your happy mood ends when it begins to pour down on you. You grumble in anger about how lady luck is always against you, before you continue towards the library.
23 MINUTES LATER
You finally got to the library, sadly you are now soaking wet. You can barely move because of how damp the coat is, but you don't want to risk taking it off and anyling seeing you. You walk over to the door of the library and see that it's called Golden Oaks. You can't help but find it ironic that a library is built inside the tree. You have a deep breath and you slowly open the door. But suddenly the door fly's open, causing a loud *smash* sound to happen. Lighting also flashes behind you, causing your shadow to be cast over three mares. They appear to be sitting in a circle and when they see you...they begin to scream.
Calmly walk inside and close the door. Mares continue screaming. "Please stop yelling." Continued screaming "Seriously, please stop." Continued screaming. "That is beginning to become a bit rude" Continued screaming *sigh* Calmly start browsing the books for Communication Spells.
You decide that the best option is to just walk inside and see if you can calm them down. You calmly walk inside and you close the door as silently and peacefully as you can. Sadly, the Mares continue to scream as loud as Hoover Bieber fanmares at one of his concerts, and that's just torture to your ears (Forgive me, but I can't pass on this joke.). You look for a light switch, and when you finally find one, you turn on the lights. What surprises you is the mares who are screaming. You see Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack are the mares screaming! You don't know about Twilight and Rarity, but you are surprised to see Applejack is one of the mares crying. I mean she has been chasing you since you crashed in that forest, and you didn't know she could be this...girly? It is then you remember that you are trying to stop them from breaking your eardrums, so you clear your throat and say...
"Please stop yelling."...Still screaming. So you try again.
"Seriously, please stop"....Nothing, their still screaming like little filly's. You try again..
"That is beginning to become a bit rude you know." You say in a deadpanned tone. *twitch* They ARE STILL SCREAMING! You give a annoyed sigh and decide that you'll just have deal with then screaming. Well...asking Twilight for help is out of the question now. I guess since I'm in a library I could look for some communication spells while I'm here. You think to yourself in a logical(that is a thing right) tone. You walk over to the nearest bookshelf, that just so happens to be the spell section, and you begin to browse for communication spells.
12 MINUTES LATER
You've been looking though the bookshelf for the past couple of minutes and you have yet to find a single communication spell anywhere. The mares are still screaming and it starts to really get on your nerves. So much so that you punched the bookshelf in annoyance. Suddenly, a huge book falls right on top of you! It must have been on the very top shelf edge, so when you punched it, it must have fallen off. You lift the huge book off of you and you smile when you see the title, the book is called...
'Long Term Communication Spells For Advanced Unicorns'
You look to see who wrote it, and apparently it is written by someling called Star Swirl The Bearded. Huh... that's a really long name, even for a pony. You think to yourself in confusion. You would really like to read this now, but the continued screaming from the mares is distracting you. So you decide to put into The Inventory for later...
'Long Term Communication Spells For Advanced Unicorns' Added to The Inventory.
After you put it away, you begin to think about your problem. If I'm ever going to read this book, I'll need to find someway to make them stop screaming. You then begin to think up of ways to make them stop screaming....
....
....
....
*ding* You've got a great idea...
Optional action: Perform the Royal Canterlot "Shhh". "This library for Luna's sake."
Maybe if a use the RCV and shh them, maybe that will work. With that thought in mind, you begin to charge up your RCV. When you finish ], you use it and you scream....
SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THIS IS A LIBRARY FOR LUNA'S SAKE!!
.....
....
....
THEIR STILL STINKING SCREAMING! What is with these ponies! Not even the Dovahkiin has less lung power then these ponies! You think too yourself in extreme annoyance. Suddenly, you can't take anymore of this stinking screaming anymore, so...you let it all out in one big...
This will probably go on for awhile, so lets just jump to when you stop screaming, okay.
2 HOURS LATER
After a long time of screaming you stop when you realize the mares are still screaming. After waiting for them to stop screaming, you roll your eyes and take out "How to be A Gentle Colt 101" for advice on what to do in this situation.
After a long time of screaming in annoyance, you stop when you realize the mares are still screaming even after your huge outburst. You decide to wait for them to stop screaming, but it appears that they won't stop for awhile, so you roll your eyes and you are about to take out "How to be A Gentle Colt 101" for advice on what to do in this situation. But, before you do take it out you remember something important, which is...
You have a filly sleeping inside the inventory. Don't wake her up!
The little filly who thinks shes your daughter is still sleeping inside The Inventory. Your now worried that all this screaming has woken her up, so you decide to check up on her as well as take out the "How to be A Gentle Colt 101" book. You think about the book so that you can take it out, and you do take it out. You also check on the little filly. *snore* Andddd shes still sleeping. Wow, and you thought you were a heavy sleeper. You suddenly decide to call her Nightshade, cause for some reason you feel as if alot of ponies voted for this name.
*crack*What was that, sounded like a mirror cracked or something? You think to yourself in confusion. You decide to wonder about that later. For now you decide to look though the 'How to be A Gentle Colt 101' book for advice as to what to do. You finally found a page titled 'How to Stop Mares from Screaming Nicely'
A running gag should be that "How to be A Gentle Colt 101" advice always involves making Bugze speak in high-class, long-worded, sophisticated/polite, pseduo-British, English: For example, "Would you ladies care to kindly cease this exorbitant assault on my auditory senses?"
After reading the page you take a deep breath and say, in a high class tone, "Would you ladies care to kindly cease this exorbitant assault on my auditory senses?"
....
....
....
THANK LUNA THEY STOPPED! You would have cried in joy and rub your ears to see if they still work. That is until Rarity stands up, runs over to you, and says to you in a classy voice. "Oh a monster with a sense of class, this is just amazing. Oh we can talk about all sorts of high classy things together, even if you are the Headless Horse. Say, have you ever been to Manehatten?"
You did not plan for that to happen. Twilight and Applejack look at you as if this is some sort of test to see if they can trust you. But, you don't know anything about classy stuff at ll besides that on chapter you read. This could be really bad for me if I don't think of something quickly. You think to yourself in panic.I hope something comes to me soon!
Your eyes widen. You gulp and stutter. "Oh, er...eh..." You gulp again. The white unicorn is looking at you suspiciously. Crap. You cough and then speak with a British accent (similar to the voice of Tom Hiddleston. *squeal*) "Ehem! Good evening my fair lady! Lovely weather out-oh, wait...it's storming...ah well, it is still lovely with you in my prescence, my fair lady! Your beauty radiates and lights up this darkened world." you give her hoof a quick kiss, causing a squeal to escape her. This gives you a bit more confidence and you decide to live your role. "Well then my dear, care for a bit of fresh brewed tea and crumpets?" you ask maintaining your accent, a large smirk growing on your face.
Your eyes widen in panic as you can't come up with anything to say back to Rarity. Applejack and Twilight begin to give you even more suspicious looks then before. You gulp and begin to stutter out a response "Oh, er...eh...that is....um." You gulp again, and Rarity begins to look at you suspiciously. Oh that's not good. Come on brain, think, think , think....oh well, I'll wing it. You think to yourself in a defeated tone. You cough into your coats sleeve and say in a surprisingly good British accent (you can't help but think that your accent sounds like Act Hiddleston), "Ahem! Good evening my fair lady! Lovely weather out-oh, wait...it's storming...ah well, it is still lovely with you in my presence, my fair lady! Your beauty radiates and lights up this darkened world." You decide to go with it and you pick up Rarity's hoof and kiss it like you've seen those rich stallions do in the movies. You look up to see Rarity blushing as red as a tomato, and you could have sworn you heard a fangirl squeal coming from her too. You look over to the two mares and see...something interesting to say the least.
Twilight appears to be reading a book about....sleepovers? You didn't even know someling would need to write a book about how a sleepover should go. You always thought it just comes to you when you do have one. Anyway, Twilight also is whispering to herself about how it never said in her book that "the monster was a nice stallion." That mare....really needs to get out more. You think to yourself in a deadpanned tone. You look over to Applejack to see...her trying to not barf? She also is staring daggers at you. Huh...either she knows that I'm a changeling or she really doesn't like classy stuff at all. You think to yourself in confusion.
You look back at Rarity to see...that she has this really strange look on her face. It's like a cross between a 'I'm in love' face and a 'daydreaming' face. It's like shes daydreaming an entire sequence of events that she wants to happen between me and her...weird. You decide that this is a good sign so you decide to live your role.
"Well then my dear, care for a bit of fresh brewed tea and crumpets?" you ask maintaining your accent, a large smirk growing on your face. Your smirking cause you just realized that you have accidentally started to prank three of the mares who have been after you since you crash in the forest. You know, I could cause soooo many pranks with this coat on. I'm so putting 'prank the entire town' on my to-do list. You used to be the number one prankster back at the hive. Of course you were the only prankster in the first place, and no one enjoined them either. Gah focus bug, focus. You need to make sure you don't blow your cover...again.
Rarity gives a lady-like giggle, and says "Oh, high class and manners. Who knew the Headless Horse could act like a gentlcolt, or even exist for that matter." She says that last part in confusion, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that she called you 'Headless Horse'. You decide to say your confusion out loud.
"...Headless Horse? Oh the hood!" *take off hood* "I am not headless see." *Realize that you just revealed your self* *Facehoof* "I am not a smart changeling" Proceed with "LOOK A DISTRACTION!" plans.
"...Headless Horse? Oh the hood!" You say out loud as you remember that the coat is enchanted and that no one can see your face when you put on the hood. You take off your hood and then you point at your buggy head and say "I'm not headless see." You hear the mares gasp in surprise. You would have thought they did that because they now know that you aren't headless, when you hear Applejack whisper "varmint".
....
....
....
YOU STINKING IDIOT, YOUR A CHANGELING REMEMBER! You think to yourself in anger. The only thing that comes out of your mouth is..."I'm not a very smart changeling am I?" You ask to yourself, but you hear Twilight say "Yep" to herself. You sigh and decide to put escape plan number sixty-five into action. You begin to charge up your RCV, and as you do you decide to put the hood back on. Might as well give a performance. You think to yourself. The enchantment working its magic, and your face being shrouded in darkness, you say with the RCV...
"LOOK A DISTRACTION!"
CUE WACKY CHASE SCENE!
As you begin to runaway, you hear this song in the background, and it defiantly fits whats going on very well. Your about to reach the door when a whit aura covers the handle, and now matter how hard you tried, it wouldn't open at all. "I got you now ya varmint" You hear Applejack say behind you. You quickly jump to the side, and you watch as Applejack crashes head first into the door. You then hear Twilight scream "I got him!" So you quickly jump onto the stairs next to you, which cause Twilight to smash right into the table that you landed next too. You see Applejack get back up and she starts to chase you. With no choice in the matter you begin to run in circles...literally. If anyling were to walk in now, they would see a Hooded figure with no face being chased in circles by Twilight and Applejack.
You get a idea and decide to try it out. As you are getting chased around you stop and get out of the circle the mares were chasing you in. Somehow, they don't notice that you left the chase and they continued to run in circles. A couple minutes later, after you catch your breath, the two mares finally notice that you aren't running anymore and they begin to chase you again. You run, this time, up the stairs followed by Applejack and Twilight.
Somehow you end up cornered in what looks like Twilight's bedroom. Applejack doesn't look winded at all, Twilight however is completely exhausted. Applejack starts to slowly walk over to you and says "I've got you now varmint." You would have closed your eyes, if it weren't for the fact that a huge bolt of lighting struck right outside the library. You would have thought nothing of it, if you hadn't have heard this...
*Creak*
That sounds like....a tree! Your eyes lit up in panic and worry when you see a tree heading straight towards.....
During said chase, the combination of wind and lightning knock over a nearby tree that is about to fall on Applejack. You quickly push the farmpony out of the way, but get flattened yourself (nothing earns a mare's trust faster than getting injured on her behalf). You get a feeling of deja vu and the last thing you hear before blacking out is Applejack (of all ponies) telling you something like "Hold on there partner!" while trying to get the tree off you (that, or you teleport away again before the tree lands on you).
Applejack! Thinking quickly you charge straight towards Applejack and scream "Look out for that tree!" You shove Applejack out of the way of the falling tree. You see it heading right towards you now. So, thinking quickly, you charge up a teleport spell. With one last look at Applejack and Twilight, you disappear in a green flash...
THE CANTERLOT CASTLE
You were thinking of Cadance for some odd reason when you teleported, so you weren't surprised to see her in front of you. You were about to say high and tell her that it was you, Bugze. But, you heard a ahem behind you, and with a feeling of dread, you turned around. Only to see...BOTH OF THE PRINCESS AND CADANCE'S HUSBAND!!!!!!
....
....
....
"I should have just gotten squashed by that tree, shouldn't I." You say to yourself in a defeated tone. You look at their reactions, but what really scared you was Luna's reaction. It was. Pure. Utter. Hatred!
Realize that whenever you're about to catch a break and earn somepony's trust, you conveniently get placed in a different location with somepony else who hates you
You start to think about how munch this sucks. Its like every time I help someling, I always get placed in a different location with somepony else who hates me. You think to yourself in confusion and anger. Whatever, I blame lady luck. You then remember that you have both princess, one of then looking like shes going to rip your face off, and Cadance's husband are still in front of you. You decide that the best course of action would be too....
Maybe if you just introduce yourself like a polite changeling? You clear your throat and bow down to the royalty. "I am Bugze of Equestria, and I'm burdened with glorious purpose." you say. They don't budge. But...that reference was perfectly placed!
Introduce yourself like a polite changeling would. Your not say your not polite, but you never really introduce yourself in a polite manner. Actually, you never really introduced yourself to anyling until you started your whole redemption thing back in the forest. So this gonna be the first time you've introduced yourself to royalty, so no pressure. Great now I'm nervous, thanks brain. You think to yourself in anger...at yourself. You nervously clear your throat and you bow down to the royalty and say "I am Bugze of Equestria, and I'm burdened with glorious purpose!" You hear Cadance behind you whisper "Bugze." She probably just recognize your voice or the fact that you said your name is Bugze . Either way it doesn't matter, at least she recognizes you now. You look up to the princess and the husband to see...that they didn't budge at all. You can't help but face-plant at how stupid that is. I mean come on! That reference was perfectly placed! You think to yourself in shock. You then hear someling "Ahem" and you look over to see...Luna looking super mad at you still. But, she suddenly begins to say in the RCV...
"IF THOU ARE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE. THEN THOU WON'T MIND HAVING A INSTANT TRUTH SPELL PLACED ON THEE!
What are you suppose to do? I mean do I respond with my own RCV or do I just respond in my normal voice? You decide to wing it, you are gonna respond with a...
challenge luna to a contest for the loudest RCV
RCV response, so you charge up the RCV and say...
"THANK YOU FOR THE OFFER PRINCESS LUNA, BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU. I HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL BE BUGZE!
The princess and the husband look surprised that you used the RCV. You start to panic that you messed up and that you were meant to respond with a normal voice, but your panic turns to horrified terror when you see a huge frown on Luna's face. She looks at you and says in the RCV
"HOW DARE THEE SPEAK TO ME IN THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE. WHAT DOES THOU HAVE TO SAY FOR THY SELF!
OH COME ON! Of all the things I could mess up in, This has to be the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!....Why do I have a feeling that I'm copying someling? You think to yourself in both anger and confusion. You sigh at how munch trouble lady luck likes to send your way before you respond to Luna "I'm sorry your highness, I thought it was a tradition to speak in the RCV when you are spoken too. But, my answer still stands. I don't want o have a instant truth spell placed on me." It i then that you notice that Luna's horn is glowing. Oh poop. You think to yourself as the instant truth spell is placed on you. You suddenly get the feeling to tell the truth and you turn to Luna and say...
You tell Luna, "I swear, I didn't see anything when you were in the shower!" Her eyes damn your soul to Tartarus. You tell Celestia, "I-I really did read that Sherclop Holmes book." She is as stone. You tell Shining Armor, "I didn't mean to touch Cadance's flank when we were dancing!" His horn lights up with the fury of a thousand suns.
"I swear, I didn't see anything when you were in the shower!" Her eyes burn your soul to Tartarus and she looks like shes about to rip you a new one. Why dear Luna DID I SAY THAT! Oh, no please don't say anything to Celestia! You think to yourself in distress. Sadly, you turn towards Celestia and say "I-I really did read that Sherclop Holmes book." She doesn't show a single emotion on her face, its just...blank? Dear Luna...DID I BREAK HER! You think to yourself in panic. You then turn towards the husband, and you begin to wonder what you could say to make him mad. As far as you know, you never even talk to the man before today...technically. You then say to him " I didn't mean to touch Cadance's flank when we were dancing!" His horn lights up with the fury of a thousand suns. WHY LUNA, WHY DID YOU PUT THAT BLASTED INSTANT TRUTH SPELL ON ME! You think to yourself in pure terror. You finally get control over you body, and your mouth, and you begin to laugh nervously and say "hehehe You think you guys could just ignore that?" The husband walk forward a little bit and says with pure hated "Your dead." You gulp and do what every reasonable changeling would do. You...
You run down the halls screaming "CADANCE! CADANCE! YOUR HUSBAND IS GOING TO BRUTALLY MURDER ME! I DONT WANT TO BE BRUTALLY MURDERED!"
Run away from the angry husband while screaming...
"CADANCE! CADANCE! YOUR HUSBAND IS GOING TO BRUTALLY MURDER ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE BRUTALLY MURDERED!"
You look behind you to see the husband smiling. You begin to wonder why, when you look forward and find out. In front of you is a whole squad of guards ready to catch you. You quickly turn around and begin to run away in the opposite direction, when something unexpected happens.
Nightshade pops out of your inventory sleepily saying that she was woken up by all the commotion, surprising the regal ponies.
Something pops out of your inventory! You stop running and turn around to see what pop out to see Nightshade. Shes rubbing her eyes tiredly and walk over to your shocked form. She looks up to you and says in a innocent and tried tone "Daddy whats going on. I was napping in my bed like my note told you. When I started to hear alot of noise and I woke up." You look down at her and then you look over to the two princess and the husband to see... Celestia and the husband looking very confused. Luna on the other hoof...well lets just say red is the new purple.
.....
.....
.....
CURSE YOU LADY LUCK. CURSE YOU ALL THE WAY TO TARTARUS!!! You think to yourself in anger.
"Ah man, you awoke up my daughter" Luna struggles with conflicting feelings of confusion and Righteous Anger.
*twitch*You begin to twitch at just how much this sucks. You were hoping that Nightshade would stay asleep though all this chaos. You really didn't want to have to explain to Cadance that you have a filly who lives in your bag and thinks she's your daughter. Well... at least not at first. Maybe in the middle of explaining what's been happening to you, then you would explain the whole 'daughter' thing. You just sigh and look over to Luna and say
"Ah man, you awoke up my daughter."
You don't know why you said that, but it just felt like that response was called for. Luna expression appears to be struggling with conflicting feelings of confusion and righteous anger. Cadance looks like she might faint and the husband looks surprised as well. As for Celestia... her face is still blank. You seriously start to think you broke her! Nightshade giggles besides you and says
"*giggle* They're making really funny faces daddy!"
She then starts to make faces too, one being a... duck face? You chuckle at her silliness and decide to take advantage of Luna and the husband's confusion and shock to escape. You look down to Nightshade and are about to tell her to jump on your back when...
Derpy drops a piano on you. "Sorry." she says.
*smash* A piano falls right on top of you! Luckily, the piano didn't fall on your whole body. Unluckily for you it landed on the lower half of your body, pinning you down from your shoulders down. Your vision is a little hazy, but you hear Nightshade and Cadance call out "Daddy!" "Bugze!". Your vision finally turns back to normal and you see your grey pegasus friend from Ponyville looking at you worried.
"Sorry, I just don't know what went wrong. Are you okay new friend?" She asks you in a worried tone.
You would have wondered how she knew it was you, but you are in too much pain to really care at the moment.
"I'm fine (my spleen...)." you tell her so that she doesn't worry anymore. "Oh, I never told you my name and I never got yours." "My name's Derpy." "I'm Bugze (think I re-broke some ribs...)."
Before you can ask her for help, her eyes suddenly go up in shock and she says "Don't worry Bugze, I know just the stallion that can help you!" And with that the gray pegasus flies out of sight. Before you could wonder what she means by that, you hear Nightshade yell "Let me go!" and you quickly try to angle your head to where you heard her scream come from and you see...
The royal alicorns (and Shining) get into an discussion/argument on what to do with the potential reincarnation of Nightmare Moon in front of you and her (Luna being the most hostile (Luna would most likely NOT be on good terms with a mini-version of her evil half) and Cadance being the most on-your-side-y; vouching for Bugze and commenting on how cute Nightshade is). During their argument, one of them says/does something which scares Nightshade.
A huge debate going on. You can't exactly hear them, but from the looks of it the princesses, Cadance, and her husband are arguing about Nightshade. The pony holding Nightshade in a magical levitation grasp appears to be princess Celestia. Luna keeps on pointing at Nightshade with a look of pure hatred. Cadance on the other hoof shakes her head 'no' and says something that causes the still struggling Nightshade to blush. Her husband then says something that causes Luna to shake her head 'yes'. Cadance expression changes to pure disgust and she looks between her husband and Luna in pure horror. Celestia just looks over to you in... sympathy? Of all the ponies here, why is she looking at the one enchanted coat wearing changeling with sympathy? You think to yourself confused. Then Luna says something in the RCV that makes your blood run cold...
"I SUGGEST THE GALLOWS!"
Your daddy instinct kicks in and you quickly and protectively get in front of the frightened filly in response and proclaim: "Hey! She's sorta-kinda MY daughter, and if you even think about harming a single hair on her confused adorable little mane you'll have to go. Through! ME!!!" (the last part is yelled in the RCV with such force that it actually knocks down all the nearby Royal Guards and even forces Celestia, Luna, Shining (and possibly Cadance) back a step or few).
*snap*Something deep inside you snaps when you hear that. You don't care what the others expressions are. You don't care if this is the princess you made a vow to. You don't care that she's basically a goddess who can control the bucking moon. Upon seeing the terrified look on Nightshade's face, your daddy instinct kicks in, you teleport right into the center of the group, and shoulder-shove Celestia away from Nightshade, breaking the solar monarch's magical concentration. You catch the frightened filly, teleport the both of you away from the group, and protectively put her behind you. You don't know why, but when you looked back at the group... they all flinched. You would have wondered why if you weren't so furious at the moment, You then tell them...
"Hey! She's sorta-kinda MY daughter, and if you even THINK about harming a single hair on her confused, adorable, little mane you'll have to go. Through! ME!!!"
You roar the last part in the RCV with so much force that it actually knocks over and lightly scatters all the nearby Royal Guards and even forces Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and her husband to take a few steps backwards. They all look at you in shock, but that last for only a few minutes as Luna screams...
"What." It is no question, but a statement. "What?!?" Luna jumps back, fear taking hold of her eyes. The RCV kicks in. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????"
"What." It is no question, but a statement. "What?!?" Luna jumps back, fear taking hold of her eyes. The RCV kicks in. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT????!!!!!!" Her fear quickly turns into pure rage and she begins to charge up a beam from her horn as she yells in the RCV...
"Thy terms art acceptable!" and charges up a big attack.
"THY TERMS ART ACCEPTABLE!"
Thinking quickly, you pick up Nightshade, tell her "Nightshade! Back to bed!" and shove the filly back into The Inventory before she can protest. You hope The Inventory will survive the blast, cause you know you won't. You close your eyes as you brace yourself and think So this is how it ends huh. Well at least I'll go out in a bang. But suddenly, you hear this behind you and you look behind you in surprise to see...
But then a familiar blue phone box appears
The stinking TARDIS! The door opens and you see...Derpy? She screams at you "What are you waiting for, run Bugze!" You heed her advice and you begin to run for the TARDIS as Luna fires a massive magic death beam at you. You make into the TARDIS just before Luna's death beam could hit you. Sadly you accidentally slam headfirst into the control panel, so all you see is darkness and the last thing you hear is "WHAT!"
SOMETIME LATER
"Huh...what... Anyling get the licences plate of the chariot that hit me?" You say to yourself as you come back to the world of the living. You finally get up and look around as to where you are, and you see that...your in the forest...again. *twitch* Your anger hits it's boiling point and you can't help but scream to the heavens...
You decide to verbally express your anger. "BUCK YOU, LADY LUCK!" you scream.
I got nothing for this chapter... wait.. the most important thing accually I see in the story so far is checking up on nightshade so go do that bugze!!!
You immediately check up on Nightshade and find her sleeping with a two pieces of paper. One sheet is a crayon drawing of you and her with the words "Daddy the Hero" (DAWWWWW) and the other is a note. You take the note and it says...
UUUUUUUUUUUUCK! After you're finished cursing lady luck, you suddenly remember that Nightshade is still in The Inventory! After all she's been though, you hope the poor thing isn't completely traumatized. You think about her and then you look into The Inventory to see... Nightshade fast asleep. You also see two pieces of paper next to her, as well as a notepad and a pencil. You quietly grab them with your hooves (somehow. You never really understood how anyling could grab stuff with hooves) and you look at them. The first piece of paper is a crayon drawing of you and Nightshade hugging with the words 'Daddy the Hero' above you. You smile at that and whisper to yourself,
"I still don't know if she's my daughter or not, but I guess it wouldn't hurt anyling if I acted as her dad for awhile... right?"
You take the picture and you put it into your coat pocket on your chest. You look at the other piece of paper and see that it is in fact a note. You decide to read and it says:.
Dear Bestest Best Friend Bugze, Hi its me Derpy. So your feeling okay right? You hit your head pretty hard on the Doctors control panel thingy. Oh well... sorry I can't talk to you in person. The Doctor said I can't because of some sort of 'wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey' thing. I honestly don't know what hes talking about half the time (Don't tell him I said that). Oh right, The Doctor told me to tell you that we fed uh hold on a second Okay I'm back. So I asked The Doctor what this little sweet filly's name is. Huh...Oh right. We fed Nightshade but oh muffin did she have a appetite. I have a list attached to this letter of all the food she ate. I hope we can meet again soon Bugze.
Love, Derpy
Well, it was nice of them to do that. You think to yourself. You see the list that Derpy talked about and you look at it. It shows this:
A large bowl of custard 7 packs of fish fingers 9 bottles of ginger beer (don't worry Bugze, it's not alcoholic, it's a different kind of ginger ale) A dozen bags of jelly babies Two dozen bananas
Tonkotsu Fried rice Carpatchio chinese beef tofu Mango with sticky rice 20 sticks of Japanese dumplings Note all xtra large siz
A large bowl of custard
4 packs of fish fingers
A dozen bottles of ginger beer (don't worry Bugze, it's not alcoholic, it's a different kind of ginger ale)
A dozen bananas
Two dozen bags of jelly babies (the Doctor is annoyed she ate his entire supply)
5 bowls of Tonkotsu (Pork ramen, ew)
4 plates of Fried rice
6 plates of Carpatchio (raw meat pounded thin, ew again)
7 plates of "Chinese" beef tofu (I don't know what or where a "Chinese" is)
3 plates of Mango with sticky rice
20 sticks of "Japanese" dumplings (Again, I don't know what or where a "Japanese" is)
You suddenly hear a ghostly voice say,
Buuuuugzzzze...
You drop the list in panic and shout,
"Who the buck is there!"
Thinking that it could something after Nightshade, you hold the Inventory protectively close, walk towards the direction where you heard the voice, and quickly pull back the bushes before yelling,
"Aha!"
...Only to find a frog there ribbiting.
"Oh... just a frog..." You say in relief before you walk back over to where you dropped the list and continue reading,
And Bugze, she said this was all a snack! And they were all extra large servings! Oh, The Doctor told me you owe him this much: 10,000,000,000,000,000 bits.
Hope you have enough to pay!
You drop the list in shock and horror. Your supposed 'daughter' just got you in debt with a Time Lord!
"I swear to Luna if I start to disappear from the space-time continuum, I will soooo ground her for life." You say to yourself in a threatening tone, but you see more to the note and continue reading:
P.S. The Doctor tells me that the food is a tiny part of the cost. The real cost came from having to fix the TARDIS as you kinda broke the control panel thingy with your head. Because of that, the TARDIS couldn't move and we got hit by Princess Luna's attack making us arrive in this city that's like Cloudsdale, but made of rock and metal instead of clouds and full of these scary monkey creatures that were hurting each other with fire, hooks, bombs, and loud metal sticks. We managed to escape after getting hit alot more, but the Doctor had to quickly drop you in the some forest a few minutes after we picked you up at the castle so he could fix the TARDIS.
"Well, that explains how I got here at least" you sigh in annoyance and decide it would be a good time to...
Well its quiet here so maybe i should read the "Stun Spells and You" book,i dont remember reading that and some tricks from it could be usefull later...
Read the 'Stun Spells and You'book that you got back at the barracks before you can worry about how you're gonna feed your 'daughter'. After all that's happen, you think it would be a good idea to have an offensive spell to protect yourself and Nightshade. After all, you won't always be able to teleport away from your enemies. So you think about the book, take it out, and you begin to read it.
10 MINUTES LATER
After you finish reading the book and practice on a few unlucky chipmunks and birds (you said sorry to them later) you think you have the spell down pat.
Stun Spell Learned
You begin to think of all the powers you got, and how you add new ones almost all the time. You think it would be a good idea to...
Write a list with all of the spells/moves you know, and add it to your inventory. It might come in handy later.
Write down all the spells and powers you know. Who knows, it might come in handy later. So you take the pencil and notepad and you write down all your powers and spells down...
Royal Canterlot Voice "Fus Ro Dah" shout "No Shadow Kick" attack Stun spell Force Field spell Teleport spell Advanced Healing (apparently) Shape Shifting
Yup. That's pretty much all my powers and spells I know. You think to yourself. You take that and all the other stuff and put them all into The Inventory. Now that you think about it, now would be a good time to....
Preform a quick Inventory check
Do a quick Inventory check while you're at it. Here's what you have...
"Royal Canterlot Voice For Dummies" book "How to be A Gentle Colt 101" book All Six Sherclop Holmes Novels and all fifty-six short stories "Stun Spells and You" book Brown pouch with nine Bits in it "Kung-Fu For Dummies" book Nightshade List of all your powers and spells Note with your debt to The Doctor
Now after checking your Inventory, there's only one thing in your mind. And that is... What do you do now?
It suddenly dawns on you that you just stood up to (and probably pissed off) the ruling circle (or square in this case) of Equestria! (To keep continuity, the royals don't know that the hooded figure is a changeling and even Princess Cadance now highly doubts that the black-hooded figure was really Bugze the changeling)
While wondering what to do next, a realization hits you like a rocket-powered sledgehammer to the nuts (long story involving memories that you DON'T want to recall)! You practically spat in the face of both of the sun-and-moon-controlling princesses as well as Cadance's husband! You even doubt that Cadance believes that that was you. The whole 'wearing a faceless hood' and 'threatening to beat them all to a bloody pulp if you touch my daughter' thing probably didn't help matters much either. So, you do what any self-respecting creature would do if they just realized that...
YOU FREAK THE HAY OUT!
"OH MY LUNA WHAT HAVE I DONE! I JUST BECAME ENEMIES WITH THE TWO OF THE MOST POWERFUL CREATURES ON THE PLANET! BUCK THE 'DUNGEON WITH ENDLESS HOURS OF WATCHING MY LITTLE HUMAN' (*shiver*). I'M GONNA HANG IN THE GALLOWS AND BE USED AS TARGET PRACTICE WHILE I'M STILL CHOKING AND THEN GET BANISHED TO THE SUN NOW!!! OH, WHY ME! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS... BESIDES-MY-ENTIRE-LIFE-OF-FAILING-TO-BE-EVIL-UNTIL-RECENTLY, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
You then proceed to curl up into a fetal-position and have a mental breakdown as you begin to suck your hoof like a little baby colt would do. You also rock back and forth while repeatedly crying like a little filly "I'm not a bad changeling. I'm not a bad changeling. I'm not a bad changeling. A mother can't die, and I'm a mother, see? SEE!? (*Holds out Nightshade's crayon drawing*)."
...
This will probably take a while, so let's just skip ahead to where you're a little bit more... stable.
49 MINUTES LATER
You stopped crying twenty minutes ago. You've gotten out of the fetal-position and you've stopped sucking your hoof a while ago as well. Now you're just pacing back and forth while mumbling stuff like "I could do this" and "No no that won't work" over and over again. For the past twenty-nine minutes, you've been thinking up escape plans and ways to 'disappear' as they say, but all the plans you've thought of all end with a noose around your neck (at best).
Gah, I need to stop worrying about what will happen to me now. If it happens then it happens. For now I need to focus on finding out where am I.You think to yourself in a determined tone. With that thought in mind, you decide to...
Climbing a tree checking where exactly they are and if there is a settlement around them sounds a good idea... assuming Bugze know how to climb a tree
Climb a stinking tree to see if you can find any civilization nearby. You remember the last time you tried to climb a tree back at Applejack's farm. You managed to get up, but you didn't get up without a scratch. You're pretty sure you still have splinters from it too. But, if it means finding a way out of this stupid forest once and for all, then a few splinters are worth it. You look around the field that you are in for a nice big tree. You find one a few seconds later that looks like a good size. So, you begin to climb the tree...
MANY MANY SPLINTERS LATER
You swear nature itself is out to get you. You think you have a zillion splinters now lodged in your body, some in places you didn't even know you could get splinters in (don't ask). You also had to deal with rabid chipmunks, high winds that nearly blew you off the tree, and the birds were dive-bombing you, and some of them, sadly, did hit you (if anyling asks, those white spots on your cool coat where there when you got it). But eventually you got to the top of the tree, and you look out over the area to see if you can find any hints of civilization.
You notice in the far distance a shack of some kind and you swear you've seen it somewhere before.
Now I know I've seen the shack somewhere before... but where...*ding* THAT'S IT! That's Zecora's house.You think to yourself in a excited tone. Considering that she's the only one who knows that you have this coat and (hopefully) won't attack you on site, that seems like the perfect place to go! *growl* Hopefully she has some food too. You then begin the long (and painful) journey down the tree.
SOMETIME LATER
Good news, the climb down took alot shorter than you thought it would. The bad news- *THUD*, you slipped off a branch half-way and slammed face-first into the ground. After you finally get done restructuring your face, you decide to head towards the direction you saw Zecora's hut at.
"Hopefully lady luck won't be trying to kill me this time." You say to yourself in a tired tone. You are about to continue walking towards the direction of Zecora's hut when you hear this...
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR
The roar is so powerful that it caused the ground to shake and all the birds to fly away from the roar... that just so happen to be in front of you. You stare in shock for a little bit, before you just sigh and you begin to walk towards Zecora's hut.
"Who am I kidding. The forest is gonna kill me before lady luck at this rate." You say to yourself with a dejected tone. And with that you walk into the forest away from the safety of the field you woke up in.
29 MINUTES LATER
Yup, you are definitely, utterly, completely lost. You curse your lack of direction and you wish that you actually had one. You sigh in annoyance and you begin to think that you'll never be able to find Zecora's hut at this rate, when you hear...
In an effort to figure out where you are, you hear two voices shout. "Scootaloo-oo! Scoot-Scootaloo-oo!" "That's so funny I forgot to laugh!" What are two fillies doing in the forest?! Worse, what are the odds that anyling else is nearby to keep an eye on them? Begging the universe to give you a day, just one day, to catch your breath, you set out to find whoever shouted.
"Scootaloo-oo! Scoot-Scootaloo-oo!" A filly talking like a chicken? You would have thought you were hearing things due to your recent head injuries when you hear another filly say:
"That's so funny I forgot to laugh!"
""Huh that's nice, playful batter between two filly's." You say to yourself in a happy ton- WHAT! "What in the name of Luna's moon are two fillies doing in a forest that's been trying to kill me since I woke up here after the invasion?!" You ask yourself in distress.
Worse, what are the odds that anyling else is nearby to keep an eye on them? You think to yourself in panic. You beg the universe to give you a day, just one stinking day, to catch your breath as you set out to find whoever said that. Zecora's can wait, there could be two fillies in danger that need saving!You think to yourself as you quickly gallop over to where you heard them talking.
A COUPLE MINUTES LATER
You finally find the fillies that were talking from before and you notice that one of the fillies is Applebloom! Your concern for the fillies increases when you see her. They appear to be wearing red capes and that means (if you remember correctly from your conversation) they're the other Cutie Mark Crusaders! If only you could remember their names...
Speaking of names, I need a fake one considering how my hood conceals my face in darkness. I'll need a name to go with that and my coat. You don't want to use a fake name, but you're most likely a fugitive by now after what happened at the castle and you don't want any of your few friends getting into trouble because of you. Besides, you always wanted to have a cool nickname.
I know! I'll be...."Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Then you hear the fillies scream!
Note to Bugze: When we get time(after learning the communication spell), Start training with the force field spell so you can use it reflexively. This will save you from getting so many head injuries.
As you take off to help them, you decide to make a mental note to-self; For some strange reason you feel the need to practice your force-field spell so that you can do it reflexively. You have a feeling that that will save you from getting so many injuries and it will probably help make it stronger so that it won't break as soon as someling hits it, unlike how Applejack did that back at the apple farm.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh somepony please save us!" You hear Applebloom scream, and now you feel like crushing whatever is causing her to scream. You start to get the feeling that you should hurry up and save them, so you then say to yourself...
You don't care what it is, so far, Applebloom is the only living thing here that hasn't nearly murdered you CHARGE!!!!
"I don't care what it is, so far Applebloom is the only living thing here that hasn't nearly murdered me, and she's the only living thing I've been able to have a actual conversation with (besides Zecora, Derpy, and Cadance)." You say to yourself in a serious tone. With that said, you muster up as much courage as you possibly and you charge though the bush while screaming,
"CHARGE!" *crash*
You closed your eyes while you charged, so you were surprised to smash into something and even more surprised when you heard a chicken scream upon crashing into... whatever it is that you crashed into. You open your eyes to see that you crashed into a... chickzard? You swear it looks like a half-chicken half-snake/lizard creature.
Whatever it is, it must be whats been causing the CMC to be screaming. You think to yourself in a serious tone. Speaking of the CMC, you see that they are hugging each other with the look of pure terror in their eyes. Their eyes widen in shock and awe, and the white unicorn filly ask you a scared tone, "Who...who are you?"
You smirk with confidence and you respond to her question with....
Bugzy: I am the best there is at what I do. But what I do isn't very- Oh wait, darn it!
I second "Minds Eye"s hilariously excellent suggestion:
You run to fillies, shouting "Never fear! Your friendly neighborhood... wait, that's been used before hasn't it? Ok, ok, I am vengeance! I am the night! I! AM! BEXZUG! Wait-"
But modify it a bit to : You jump in front of the fillies, shouting "Never fear! Your friendly neighborhood- wait, that's been used before hasn't it? Ok, ok, I am vengeance! I am the night! I! AM! Wait, that's been done too. Oh oh, I know: I am the shadow that flaps in the nigh-" CMC: "JUST SAVE US ALREADY!!!"
"Never fear! You friendly neighborhood- wait, that's been used before hasn't it?", you ask three fillies in a confused tone. The fillies give you a confused look and they just shrug. You then remember that that was Spider-mane's introduction, so you quickly think of another intro you could use,
"Okay, okay, how about I am vengeance! I am the night! I! Am! Wait, that's Batmare's intro isn't it." You say to the filly's in a annoyed tone. Surprisingly, the white unicorn is the only one to shake her head 'yes'. You sigh in annoyance and you try a different intro,
"I am the best there is at what I do. But what I do isn't very- Oh wait, darn it! That's Wolverines intro isn't it." You say more to yourself then to the fillies in an angry tone. By now the chickzerd has gotten up and it looks super mad.
After a few seconds (ignoring the now approaching chickzerd) you finally think of the perfect intro.
"Okay this time I totally got it. Ahem, I am the shadow that flaps in the nigh-"
"JUST SAVE US ALREADY!" The CMC cry in the middle of your intro. You sigh in annoyance and say in a dejected tone,
"All right all right, sheesh."
You look over to the chickzerd and you look right into it's eyes. The chickzerd seems to give a triumphant grin (somehow even though its mouth is a beak) and then its eyes begin to glow red. You begin to wonder how it's doing that, but you suddenly hear the CMC scream again. You try to turn around and find out why they're screaming, only to realize that you can't move at all and that you can't stop looking into the chickzerd's eyes. But, you finally figured out what was going on when you heard Applebloom scream in a panicked tone,
"LOOK! THE BOTTOM OF HIS COAT IS TURNING TO STONE!"
Your eyes widen in shock, but you decide to crack a joke to keep yourself and the CMC from panicking. You can't look over to the CMC so you just smirk at the chickzerd and say...
When faced with the Cockatrice, it must look you in the eyes, and when it begins to petrify you should turn to the fillies and snicker, "You see kids, this why you should never get...STONED! YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"You see kids, this is why you should never get (*pause for dramatic effect*) STONED!"
As soon as you finished saying that you hear someling scream "YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!", another yell "BOOOOOOOOOOO, YOU SUCK!", and you also hear the fillies behind you groan at the terrible pun you just made.
Not my best joke I admit, but it felt like it would fit pretty considering I'm about to turn to ston- WHAT!
You just realized that you are about to be turned to stone and you will probably suffocate due to the fact that statues can't breath. So, you do what anyling would do if this was happening to them...
and in panic you scream. "OH HOLY MOTHER OF CELESTIA, SWEET BUTT OF LUNA, DEAR ZEUS'S THUNDER, BY ODINS BEARD AND EVERYTHING ELSE HOLY HEEEEEEEELLLLPPP!"
You scream like a little filly,
"AHHHHHHHH OH HOLY MOTHER OF CELESTIA, SWEET BUTT OF LUNA, DEAR ZEUS'S THUNDER, BY ODINS BEARD AND EVERYTHING ELSE HOLY HEEEEEEEELLLLPPP!"
You don't know why you said 'sweet butt of Luna' but you don't care right now, because you can't even scream because your mouth is now stone. The last thing you see before you turn to stone completely is the chickzerd smiling a curled smirk. You also see out of the corner of your vision the CMC crying and shaking in fear... then darkness.
So....this is how I die...turned to stone by a chickzerd. Huh, I always thought that lady luck would do me in. You think to yourself in sadness as you slowly start to lose consciousness. Then suddenly an image of Nightshade flashes in front of you.
No*crack*
Then a image of Cadance and you smiling and dancing flashes in front of you.
Not yet, not like this*crack* *crack*
Images of Derpy, Zecora, and even Rarity flash before you.
I can't, I won't leave them behind!*crack* *crack *CRACK*
Finally, the images of the CMC crying and shaking in terror flash before you.
I WON'T LET IT HURT THEM IF ITS THE LAST THING I BUCKING DO!!!*CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK* *SHATTER*
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" With a powerful war-cry, you break free from your stony prison. The CMC look at you surprised and the chickzard looks at you with surprised fear as well. It tries to look you in the eyes again, but you don't give him the chance. You leap at the chickzard and scream,
"NO SHADOW KICK!!!" and rapidly kick the chickzard at least a dozen times before the final kick sends it flying into a tree. The chickzard looks like it's out cold, but it suddenly gets back up and tries to charge at you! You quickly respond by shooting it with the stun spell causing the chickzard to fall forward on its own momentum and crash headfirst into a rock knocking the creature out cold.
You give out a sigh of relief that the pest is finally unconscious. You look over to the CMC to see... that their mouths are wide open and that they are frozen in awe. The orange pegasus asks you in a nervous tone,
"Who... what are you?"
You think you finally have a good intro so you try it out,
"I'm the one who watches over the innocent! I'm the one who protects those who can't protect themselves. I'm the shadow that follows those who's path they follow is the path of evil. I am the usher who guides you to your chair! I! Am-"
"Oh my!" You sigh in annoyance at the fact that your intro was interrupted. Again! You look over to see who interrupted you and see... Fluttershy? She's starting right at you and you have a feeling that it is about to get very awkward soon. So....
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 37: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE I SWEAR!!!!
"Uh, hi" *Fluttershy mumbles hi back* *Akwardness Intensifies*
You decide that (after twenty minutes of just staring at each other) it would be a good idea to start a conversation. So, you take a deep breath and introduce yourself in the smoothest, most impeccable way possible,
"Uh, hi."
Fluttershy just stares at you. You start to sweat under your hood and you start to think that Fluttershy became a mute after the last time you saw her. After awhile, she finally looks at you and says,
"Hi."
Woah... I thought she acted like this because of Smaug, but I guess it's just in her personalty to be extremely shy.You think to yourself as you try to open your mouth to say something, but no words come out.
Come on Bugze, shes just one of the mares you helped save from Smaug. It's not like you did anything to make her mad- oh wait
You notice that Fluttershy is now looking at the CMC with concern. By the looks of it, they've calmed down a little bit, but it looks like they're still shaking. She then looks at you with a glare and you finally realize what it must look like to Fluttershy. A cloaked figure who's face is hidden in darkness standing next too three terrified fillies who were screaming just a few minutes ago.
She probably thinks I'm the one who did it... NOT GOOD!You think to yourself in a panic. You decide to...\
Quickly explain to Flutters that you were not the one terrorizing the CMC.
Quickly explain to Fluttershy that you were not the one terrorizing the CMC, she might attack (not likely) you if you don't. You quickly look at her and begin to talk so fast that it would put Pinkie Pie to shame.
You point at where you stunned the chickzard. Fluttershy turns her head towards where you're pointing, but looks confused.
"There's nothing there." she says in a stern tone as she looks back at you. You gasp in shock before you look over to see that she was telling the truth. The chickzard is gone!
"But...but how! I used a stun spell on it, it shouldn't have been able to move for at least an hour!" You say to yourself in a confused and panicked tone.
"How dare you..."
You 'Eep" at that and you slowly turn around in horror to see...the scariest glare you have ever seen in your life! You swear the glare Fluttershy is giving you is hypnotic! You're so scared by it that you can't even move no matter how hard you try. You just can't. Fluttershy starts to slowly walk towards you, her glare intensifying the closer she gets.
"How dare you scare three sweet innocent little fillies!" She says as she approaches you, "You should be ashamed of yourself! I have half the mind to drag you by the ear all the way to these fillies' families and make you apologize to them! Now what do you have to say for yourself mister!"
She stops talking to you when she right in front of you, Her glare is so intense that you swear she's staring right into your soul! The only words that can come out of your mouth is this...
Her glare just intensifies and she is about to say something else, when you hear someling yell,
"LOOK OUT BELOW!"
Fluttershy looks up only to be knocked all the way back to the CMC by a dark blue blur. You shake your head to get rid of the image of Fluttershy's glare.
Note to self: never make Fluttershy angry... EVER! You think to yourself in a serious tone.
You look over to where Fluttershy is, only to get knocked down by the same dark blue blur. You get up and you finally get a good look of what hit you. It appears to be a female pegasus with a... strangely TARDIS blue coat and fire orange mane/tail. Her mane is styled in a short pixie cut and her cutie mark is a music note. A half note to be precise. She shakes her head and opens her eyes and you can now see that they're the color of ice. She looks at you for a few seconds before she says in a sassy tone,
"What are you suppose to be, the Grim Reaper."
*twitch* Your eye twitches in annoyance and you decide now would be a good time to use your intro.
"No. I'm not the Grim Reaper. I'm the one who watches over the innocent! I'm the one who protects those who can't protect themselves. I'm the shadow that follows those who's pa-"
"Yeah yeah yeah whatever. Look I'm in a hurry so I'll just introduce myself. Names Lightning Chaser, the craziest pony you'll ever meet." She says in a prideful tone. She then looks around in a nervous way and then she looks at you and says,
"Look, my gut's telling me that you're a good guy, so promise me that you never saw me. What you see there was a...'accident' that I might have caused that involved alot of cider and some matches down in Manehatten. So you never saw me... right friend?" She asks you with puppy dog eyes.
Curse the rotten no-good pony who invented that look!You think to yourself in anger. You just sigh and shake your head 'yes'. Suddenly she punches you in your front leg and says,
"Thanks bro! see ya around...maybe." And with that, she flies away.
You shake your head and can't help but think on how you get yourself into these kind of situations. You look over to the CMC and Fluttershy and you see that both the CMC and Fluttershy have calmed down. So you decide to walk over and talk to them so that you can prove your innocence that you didn't scare the CMC. Fluttershy notices you and she says in a shy voice,
"Oh..uh sorry about giving you 'The Stare' mister Headless Horse, thankfully the girls here explained what happened."
You sigh in annoyance and you look around for anything that might try to interrupt your intro again. When you don't see anything you give a quick cough and say...
"It's alright you were just trying to protect the little ones. But I'm not the Headless Horse, I'm the one who watches over the innocent! I'm the one who protects those who can't prot-*zap* Owwwwwwwwwww..."
You just got knocked down by some sort of purple magical blast. You look over to see who zapped you and you see... a really angry Twilight Sparkle.
"AGAIN?!" you can't help but yell out of annoyance at how your intro was interrupted (again) as you get back up.
You hear the CMC gasp and Fluttershy say "Oh... my." You also see Twilight smirk and you begin to wonder why. You scratch your head in confusion, only to come across the answer to your own wondering. Your hood was knocked off your head by the blast! There's only one thing you can say about this situation...
Scream "Will you PLEASE just let me use my superhero into?!" Twilight raises an eyebrow and Bugzy clears his throat. "Okay... I am the one who watches over the innocent; who protects those who can't protect themselves. I am... the Hooded- *Twilight zaps him* OW!...fender."
Your annoyance reaches an all time high at the fact that this is the third time your superhero intro has been interrupted. You glare over at Twilight and scream,
"Will you PLEASE just let me finish the stinking intro?!"
You hear the CMC giggle at your outburst and Twilight just looks confused about it. Taking advantage of her confusion, you put your hood back on and you begin to say,
"Ahem... I'm the one who watches over the innocent! I'm the one who protects those who can't protect themselves. I'm the shadow that follows those who's path they follow is the path of evil. I am the usher who guides you to your chair! I! Am! The Hooded Ofen*zap*.
Twilight interrupts you intro with another magical blast... AGAIN! It also causes you to be brunt up like a cartoon character after a big expulsion. You cough out some smoke like a cartoon character and say,
"...der."
Fluttershy runs at you and you brace yourself for more pain as Apple Bloom says something like "Fluttershy! Wait-!"... but the Pegasus tearfully tackle-hugs you and says how happy she is that you're okay (you think she re-cracked one of your ribs, but she's so cute and sweet that you don't care). Twilight orders Fluttershy to get away so that she can restrain (and/or possibly beat/blast you to a pulp) you
"I swear to Luna if she zaps me one more time..." you mumble to yourself as you shake off all the ash from your coat.
You then sigh in annoyance (you've been doing that alot lately huh) and are about to tell Twilight to stop doing that when you hear Applebloom call out,
"Fluttershy! Wait!"
You look over to where you heard Applebloom screamed and see... Fluttershy making a beeline for you! You try to teleport away, but for some reason it won't work. You hear Twilight chuckle and you swear you heard her smugly mumble,
"'Deactivate Magic spell'. Works every time."
Your eyes widen in fear and you think to yourself in a panicked tone,
OH SWEET LUNA NO! She disabled my magic, I'm a sitting duck! Good thing all magic-disabling spells only last for a few minutes (one of the very few things I do remember from that Changeling Magic school which I would have barely graduated from until that one jerk in "Ursas and you" class got me expelled. It was just a little prank, how was I supposed to know he was allergic to noodles, bunnies, and chainsaws? But he had to rat out on me, didn't he? Oh, well, I guess SOME creatures are just like that-).
During your mental rambling, you temporarily forgot that Fluttershy is still charging straight towards you and a soft mass of yellow and pink tackles you into the ground. You close your eyes and wait for the pain to start (or at the very least for one of your ribs to re-crack from that tackle), but instead of pain you feel... rain drops? You don't remember there being any storm clouds in the sky. You also hear... sobbing? You open your eyes to see... Fluttershy crying over you with her hooves around you.
"I thought you were dead!" she chokes out between sobs "You saved us from that mean old dragon, and you even saved me from that boulder. I thought I would never get a chance to thank you or to say... sorry."
You stare at her in shock, unable to say a word to her.
She's... she's crying over me (what is it with me and making mares cry?). She wanted to thank me for saving her. She doesn't hate me at all... she actually felt bad that I got hurt (or died I guess). That's... that's just... awesome.
Your thoughts are interrupted when Fluttershy suddenly gets lifted off of you by a purple magic field. You notice that her eyes are closed and she looks like she's asleep.
Poor thing most have fainted after getting all that emotional stress off her shoulders. You think to yourself in a sympathetic tone.
You stand up to see that Fluttershy was moved back over to the CMC. You look at Twilight to see... that she is REALLY mad. In fact... is her mane and tail on fire?! She then says though gritted teeth,
"How dare you make Fluttershy, one of my very first friends, CRY!" She screams the last part at you.
You start to shake a little at how her flaming mane and tail just got bigger! Pure rage is the only thing that you could use to describe the look in her eyes. She starts to charge up a huge magical blast, and while she's doing that she yells at you in pure hated,
"WELL MISTER 'HOODED OFENDER' HAVE A TASTE OF PURE MAGIC! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
"TWILIGHT! NOOOOOO!"
Not hearing the Cutie Mark Crusaders, she launches a huge ball of magic at you. There's no way you can dodge it, considering you can't use magic cause of her magic-disabling spell. And even if you do manage to avoid it, any innocent creatures behind you will get caught in the blast instead. As you look at the ball of death, a sudden thought causes you to shield 'The Inventory' with your body,
I hope Nightshade will be okay.
*BOOM*
*SOMEWHERE IN MANEHATTEN
Your eyes open, but all you see are fuzziness and dots. You can't hear a thing, but the weeping of... your ex-queen? You would have wondered why you heard this, but you're slowly fading back into unconsciousness. The last thing you see are a bunch of dots and the sound of weeping.
SOMETIME LATER
You awaken again, but this time you can actually hear and see things. You appear to be in some sort of cabin or something like that, you can't tell. You hear a door open and a voice say,
"So, The Great and Powerful Trixie's mystery guest has finally awoken..."
Due to Trixie's color, star-patterned hat and cloak, and the fact that you just woke up, you mistake her for Princess Luna. You then attack Trixie, crying out "I'll never let you get your hooves on Nightshade!"
Since you just woke up (again) your vision is still a little fuzzy. So when you looked at where the voice came from you couldn't tell who it was, but what you can make out about this pony is that she's blue and that she has stars on her body...
Princess Luna?!
You don't feel The Inventory on you at all and Nightshade is still in it! You then remember what she tried to do to Nightshade back at the castle which causes you to start panicking,
How did she even figure out that Nightshade lives in The Inventory? You think to yourself in confusion. Doesn't matter now, what matters is that she has Nightshade!
With the thought in mind, you jump off the bed you were resting on at the creature and scream,
"I'LL NEVER LET YOU GET YOUR HOOVES ON NIGHTSHADE!"
fall off of your bed (if you're on one), proceed to think why you always manage to hurt your face in some way
*thud* Sadly for you, you jumped head first into a desk near your bed.
"Owwww." You say to yourself in pain. You are about to get back up and face 'Luna' (And you swear you hear her giggling at your pain) when a book falls on top of your head.
*whack* "Ow."
Then a bucket falls on your head!
*klonk*"Owwwwww."
Then a... bowling ball?
*WHAM* "OWWWWWWW!"
You get up after you finally managed to get the bowling ball out of your skull.
I swear the universe is out to get me sometimes. You think to yourself in pain. You finally turn around to face Luna... when 'The Inventory' falls on your head.
*bonk*" OWWWWWWWW!"
Scratch that, the universe is out to get me. you think to yourself grimly. Somehow, 'The Inventory' (or the bowling ball) managed to restore your vision. So, who you thought was Luna, was actually a blue unicorn with a teal mane/tail who's currently on the ground laughing her flank off. You just sigh as you put 'The Inventory' back on, and you check it to make sure everything is still in it. You have:
"Royal Canterlot Voice For Dummies" book "How to be A Gentle Colt 101" book All Six Sherclop Holmes Novels and all fifty-six short stories "Stun Spells and You" book Brown pouch with nine Bits in it "Kung-Fu For Dummies" book Nightshade (sleeping) List of all your powers and spells Note with your debt to The Doctor
Oh thank Luna everything is still here, and it looks like Nightshade is still asleep. I swear after all I've been though I'm amazed that she hasn't woken up yet. You think to yourself in relief.
But she's probably gonna be as hungry as an Ursa, if the note Derpy gave me means anything.You think to yourself in annoyance. While you were thinking, the unicorn or 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' (if you remember what she said to you when you woke up) seems to have finally stopped laughing at your misfortune.
Maybe now I can ask her some questions. You think to yourself in a serious tone. The first question you ask is,
"Who the heck are you?" you ask in confusion. The mare who claims to be "the great and powerful Trixie" bites her lip and coughs awkwardly. "Um...the Great and Powerful Trixie? Master of magic? Illustrator of illusions? Grand master wizard? Th-that doesn't ring any bells?!" A now very flustered Trixie stutters. You think hard about this. "Nope." Oh crap. Trixie looks pissed.
"Who the hay are you?" You ask the unicorn in confusion. Even though she called herself 'The Great and Powerful Trixie', she could be lying. After all, Changeling rule number one when meeting a new pony while undercover: Never give away your real name to anyling. It pays to pay attention in class sometimes.
'Trixie' bites her lip nervously and coughs awkwardly into her cape,
"Um... The Great and Powerful Trixie? Master of magic? Illustrator of illusions? Grand master wizard? Th-that doesn't ring any bells?!" A now very flustered Trixie stutters.
You go into a thinking pose and begin to search your memory if you ever heard of her before. After a few minutes of thinking you say,
"I've never heard of you in my entire life"
...
WHY DID YOU SAY THAT! This mare probably took care of you or something like that after you were blasted off again by Twilight's death ball beam thingy, and you probably just insulted her! You finally notice that her once blue face is now red. She looks like she's about to scream...
"Wahhhhhhhhhhh!" Instead, she starts... crying?
"Of course! *hic* Not even the most *hic* wanted fugitive *hic* in Equestria knows *hic* who I ammmmmmmm! Wahhhhhh!" Trixie chokes out while crying.
Can't I go ONE day without making a mare cry!You think to yourself in anger. You try to calm her down, but nothing seems to work. You try to think of some way to make her stop crying, when what she said finally hits you.
Wait... I'M A WANTED FUGITIVE?! You think to yourself in panic.
You notice on the desk you hit that there's a poster with your hooded picture on it. You wonder when they had time to take it, but decide to worry about that detail later. For now you read what was underneath the picture, it said...
WANTED: The Hooded Offender
ALIASES: The Black Death (The Canterlot Chronicle), The Cloaked Whirlwind (The Ponyville Express), The Ebony Phantom (The Manehattan Times), The Obsidian Storm (The Cloudsdale Gazette), Dark Meany-Mean Pants (The Foal Free Press)
Typical pony media, can't keep a straight story...you think in annoyance,
PREFERABLY ALIVE BUT DEAD IS UNDERSTANDABLE
REWARD: 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 BITS
Either Luna is really desperate or she has no idea how economics work. You think as you continue reading (You may not be the brightest changeling, but you paid enough attention in that one (and only day at) economics class to know that an amount of money that huge would annihilate any country's economy).
This fugitive is wanted for protecting and guarding a reincarnation of Nightmare Moon, tearing through a platoon of Royal Guardponies, insulting the princesses, and is also under suspicion for terrorizing three fillies in the Everfree forest just last week. Creature is faceless, fearsome, beastly, tactless, and in a black coat with glowing orange eyes. If you see him, contact the Royal Guard immediately. Do NOT approach him under any circumstances, he is considered unpredictable and extremely dangerous.
OOh great, not only am I Equestria's most wanted, but apparently they think I'm guarding the reincarnation of something called a 'Nightmare Moon' (why does that name sound familiar... must of been one of at least DOZENS of things I dozed through in class). At least the whole 'glowing orange eyes' explains why they all flinched when I snapped trying to protect Nightshade. You think to yourself in a serious tone.
"I have to get out of here. The longer I stay here the longer I put Nightshade in danger." You say to yourself in a serious tone. You then remember that you still have a crying Trixie to deal with. You don't want to leave her crying like that, but you also don't want to put Nightshade into anymore danger.
"Ugh, what do I do?" You say to yourself in a stressed tone.
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 40: Hugging, Scheming, and Road-trip Oh My!
You remember the time you were at the castle when you first met Cadance. She was acting just like Trixie (for different reasons of course). You remember how you cheered up Cadance with a song and a hug. Since you can't think of any songs that could cheer her up, you decide to do the next best thing. You walk over to her slowly, but she flinches with fear when you approach.
Now why woul-Oh yeah. Most wanted fugitive, right... You think to yourself in understanding. You finally reach her and you look her in the eyes.
Those eyes... so much sadness... You think to yourself in sympathy. You then do what you planned to do to her... You hug her. She gasps in shock and tries to break out of your grasp, but you hold on tight. You then start to say to her...
"Oh, um, hey, it's ok that I don't know who you are...I'm kind of a hermit." You confess in an attempt to console the unicorn in tears. Trixie wipes her eyes and raises an eyebrow at you suspiciously. "A hermit with friends?" She asks sceptically. You realize she must be talking about Nightshade. You start to think fast. "It's...a group. Hermits United. We gather around, and share stories about...caves. It's lots of fun. For a hermit." You explain. You can see a faint smile playing at Trixie's lips. You let out a breath in relief. At least she isn't sobbing anymore. You hold out your hoof to Trixie. "Hey, you know what? I'm on the run. I need help. And right now...I need a great and powerful pony. And you seem like a great option. Come with me. We can clear my name and travel across Equestria. I can make sure you see your name in lights. So what do you say?" You ask with a confident smirk on your face. Trixie's eyes were wide with wonder.
"There there don't worry. it's okay that I don't know you."
"How *hic* is it okay that you don't know who Trixie is?", she says still crying, but no longer struggling against your embrace.
You think quickly for a reason that won't make her terrified of you or make you look like a complete idiot.
I could say... nah that won't work. How about...no no no no that won't work either.You think to yourself in confusion. You then think of a completely, utterly, ridiculous idea, but hey, ridiculous ideas usually work out well for you (more or less...) So you look her in the eyes and say,
"I'm kinda a hermit you see."
Trixie wipes her tears and raises an eyebrow at you suspiciously and says "How can you be a hermit if you have friends?"
You start to wonder how she even knows that you have friends, then you remember how you screamed Nightshade's name at her a few minutes ago. You chuckle in in embarrassment and quickly say,
"It's... It's a group. Hermits United. We gather around, and share stories about... caves! It's lots of fun. For a hermit."
You can see a faint smile playing at Trixie's lips. You let out a breath in relief and release her from the hug.
At least she isn't sobbing anymore.
You momentarily glance at your wanted poster and suddenly you think of a great idea that will benefit both you and her. You hold out your hoof to Trixie.
"Hey, you know what? I'm on the run. I need help. And right now... I need a great and powerful pony. And you seem like a great option. I can make sure you see your name in lights. So what do you say?" You ask with a confident smirk on your face.
Trixie's eyes were wide with wonder. You don't like to lie, but you do admit it sure does help you get out of some bad situations. Trixie seems to be buying it and she asks,
"Pray tell, what is your plan to get Trixie's name to be know across Equestria?"
You already have an answer for that, so you put your hoof around her and dramatically wave you other hoof in the air while telling her...
by asking if she wants money out the wazoo. You'll let her take you to the Royal Guard for the reward money. In return, she helps you escape and gives you half the cash so you can pay off your debt to the Doctor.
"You, madam, will be know as the mare who captured the Hooded Offender!"
Trixie looks at you in shock so you decide to continue your idea.
"So here's how it's gonna work. You and me are gonna travel to a town called Ponyville. When we get there, you'll perform a magic act or something like that. Then halfway though the act you will say the code phrase 'surprise'. Then I will pop out and we would pretend to fight. You'll win of course and hand me over to the Royal Guard and get the reward bits."
Trixie smiles and you swear you heard a "cha-ching" sound and see bits in her eyes as she nods her head at the idea. But then she asks,
"What about you? What do you get out of this?"
You smile at that and say,
"You see my dear, I have recently come into debt with a very powerful pony, and these reward bits will save my flank. So alls ya got to do is break me out of the slammer and then we split the dough 50-50. Savvy?"
You can't help but feel like Captain Jackal Sparrow from The Pirates of Horseshoe Bay movies.
Trixie thinks about it for a few moments,
"You would really be willing to do that for me?"
"Of course." You reply
Trixie gleefully hugs you and says,
"Alright you have a deal." And with that, your journey to Ponyville begins.
DAY 1
Seeing as how Twilight can temporarily disable spell-casting, you decide to expand your arsenal by reading "Kung-Fu For Dummies" and learn "Shoryuken" (a launcher) and/or "Falcon Punch" (powerful single punch)
You decide to spend the first day of your road-trip learning some new moves from "Kung-Fu For Dummies".
If Twilight can disable magic, then I'm gonna need non-magic-based attacks to defend myself and Nightshade.You think to yourself in a serious tone. You don't want to fight them, but if they threaten to hurt Nightshade or do something drastic, then you don't really have a choice in the manner.
Besides, it'll make our 'fight' look more exciting.
You read up on the attacks 'Shoryuken'and 'Falcon Punch' before you went to bed last night, so today you're practicing then while you guys stop for a rest. You've been practicing on a tree for the past three hours (and have the bruises on your hooves and head (from acorns, branches, and even a squirrel falling on you) to prove it). Trixie came by and even helped you practice as well. After some more practice, you and Trixie decide to relax and share some stories about each others lives. You even told about the time you accidentally walked into the female bathroom back in school, and you never told anyone that secret!
I can really trust her. Sure, I have to keep Nightshade and the fact that I'm a changeling a secret, but I definitely trust her to go through with our deal and save me. You think to yourself in a confident tone as you and Trixie share a laugh over her story about a mishap with wheels.
Learned "Shoryuken" Learned "Falcon Punch"
DAY 2
Today you decide to practice your forcefield spell with the help of Trixie (who you trust even more now) who throws acorns and *shiver*bowling balls (why does she have so many) at you. You can now do the force field spell on command and it's stronger, but you did get alot of bruises and the blowing balls did fracture your skull a few times. You're fine now and don't appear to have any serious signs of blain damage-amage-amage-amage-amage-amage...
DAY 3 FINAL DAY
Take Nightshade for lunch at a nearby "Olive Grotto" for their "endless soup, salad, and breadsticks for 7 bits" deal (in disguises though with Bugze's shape-shifting and Nightshade putting away her armor and disguising herself as a unicorn)... then find out it was a lie as you're both kicked out after the filly devours 9 pitchers of raspberry lemonade, a dozen bowls of salad, all of the restaurant's tomato soup, mushroom soup, and broccoli cheese soup, and more breadsticks than you've had splinters while you merely had a simple melted mozzarella sandwich (Bicycle Thieves (1948) reference FTW) with a glass of water (at least you didn't have to pay since while kicking you out, they forgot to give you the check)
Today's the last day on your road trip before you reach Ponyville, so you decide to spend some daddy-daughter time with Nightshade.
The poor thing hasn't seen me since that incident at the castle, you muse as you take ‘The Inventory’ and go into the woods near the small town (Trixie is out getting supplies and won’t be back until after dark).
When you've made sure noling is looking, you take the sleeping filly out of ‘The Inventory’ and gently wake her up.
“Er, who turned on the su- DADDY!”
The little filly pounces on you with a crushing hug and starts speaking so fast it would put Pinkie Pie to shame.
You teleport out of Nightshade’s death hug before she could suffocate you, but you just as quickly hug the little filly.
“It’s all right, Nightshade. I got your drawing and I’ll always make sure noling ever harms you” you reassure her.
Nightshade smiles and says,
"You're my hero daddy. I love you."
You can't help, but smile at the filly's love for you.
*growl*
“Can we eat something Daddy? I’m REALLY hungry.”
You shake your head and continue smiling as you take off your awesome coat and put it in ‘The Inventory’ and shape-shift into a brown Earth Pony (still no cutie mark though…). You wish you could keep the coat on, but that would blow your cover.
Thankfully, Trixie taught you "Transformation"yesterday (speaking of that, Learned "Transformation") after you trained the force field spell so you transform Nightshade into a unicorn filly version of herself.
You both go into town to find something to eat as Nightshade excitedly takes in the sights.
This is turning out to be a lot harder than I thought you think to yourself. Nightshade has a huge appetite and I'm really low on bits.
Fortunately, you both come across an "Olive Grotto" with a board outside that reads,
Endless soup, salad, and breadsticks! Only 7 bits!
Jackpot! It may take a huge chunk out of my remaining bits, but it’s ENDLESS!
Sadly, the “endless” part of the deal turns out to be a big fat lie! You both get kicked out and banned from "Olive Grotto" for life after Nightshade devours 9 pitchers of raspberry lemonade, a dozen bowls of salad, all of the restaurant's tomato soup, mushroom soup, and broccoli cheese soup, and more breadsticks than you've had splinters (Luna, that filly can eat...) while all you had was a simple melted mozzarella sandwich and a glass of water (which for some reason gave you the sudden urge to sing about wanting one).
Luckily you didn't have to pay since they were in such a rush to kick you both out that they forgot to give you the check. But, you did get to give a comment to the owner of the place. If you remember correctly, you told him in the most affable, polite, and cool-headed manner,
"IF YOU PUT 'ENDLESS' IN THE STINKING DEAL, THEN DON'T BE SURPRISED IF A LITTLE FILLY EATS HALF OF YOUR STOCK YOU LOUSY EXCUSE OF A DEAL MAKER!"
PONYVILLE
Okay. This is it, I sure hope this works. You think to yourself as you prepare to "attack" Trixie.
You put 'The Inventory' (with Nightshade sleeping in it) in a closet full of saddle bags. You decide it would be the best way to keep your daughter safe in case this scheme goes badly.
"Is anypony else ready for a humongous, spectacular surprise!"
That's the signal! You put your hood on, take a deep breath, and you teleport in front of the showpony...
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 41: TRIXIE "VS." THE HOODED OFENDER
Apparently, you didn't teleport to the right spot as you find yourself behind the crowd by accident. You look at the stage to see Trixie looking around nervously. You're about to announce your presence, when you notice something interesting next to you. It appears to be a smoke machine. You see a note on it written in pink crayon that reads,
Hello Pinkie Pie here. If you find my super awesome super duper smoke machine. Then pretty please return it to me
Thanks, Pinkie Pie
So this must be Pinkie's smoke machine huh. You think to yourself in a serious tone. Then, you get a wonderful idea for an entrance. You see that all the crowd's attention is still on Trixie and the smoke machine has a button on it called "Super Scary Smoke Mode".
Oh... this is gonna be awesome! You think to yourself in a excited tone. This is gonna go into the prank file for sure! You press the button and the smoke machine comes to life causing big clouds of eerily creepy smoke to pour out of it. The ponies in the crowd notice this and begin to grow uneasy. You hear Twilight (of course she's here...) shout out,
"Everypony stay calm, there is nothing to worry about! It's probably just part of the show."
Not yet, Twilight, not yet...You think to yourself in a mischievous tone.
"This is not part of Trixie's show!" Trixie responds.
You call forth your best Joker laugh from Batmare and you laugh,
Your impression must have been pretty good, because everyling in the crowd immediately turns towards you in fear. You then...
You walk between the parted crowd slowly and as menacingly as you can, saying "I have searched for you, Greatest Equine Who Has Ever Lived."
Walk out of the smoke with exaggerated stride towards Trixie. When you reach the crowd and they don't move out of the way, you yell at them in the RCV
"STAND ASIDE IF YOU VALUE YOUR PITIFUL LIVES!"
The crowd looks at you in terror as they quickly move out of the way. You walk through the parted crowd slowly and as menacingly as you can while saying (in a tone that sounds like Scar from "The Lion King"),
"So we finally meet, the so called 'Greatest Equine Who Has Ever Lived'."
Trixie looks shocked that you said that, but then she mouths the words; "Two can play at that game."
"(GASP!) Oh no! It's the deadly, dangerous, and dare I say UGLY wanted fugitive, THE HOODED OFFENDER!!" Trixie screams.
scattered comments from the audience arguing over whether he's The Black Death, The Cloaked Whirlwind, The Ebony Phantom, The Obsidian Storm, or Dark Meany-Mean Pants
Being the showpony that she is, Trixie wastes no time. She points at you and lets out an exaggerated gasp,
"Oh no! It's the deadly, dangerous, and dare I say UGLY wanted fugitive, THE HOODED OFFENDER!!"
The crowd gasps in horror at this, but you can also hear some scattered arguing,
"Wait, I thought he was the Cloaked Whirlwind?"
"No, he's obviously The Black Death."
"Sweet Celestia, you're both morons! He's clearly Dark Meany-Mean Pants."
"You can't handle the truth!"
Your eye twitches in annoyance not only at the 'ugly' comment (you consider yourself quite handsome by changeling standards), but at the fact that these ponies can't even remember your name correctly. You just snarl at her when you suddenly get an idea. You look to her and say...
"Ah, you dont' know who I am? I'm surprised you don't remember me. I...I am you FATHER!...'S brother's nephew's cousin's former roomate!" The crowd gasps! Until they mumble about why that means anything. Trixie is no less confused. "What does that make us?" "Absolutely nothing! SHORYUKEN!!!" Your rising uppercut launches you into the air and onto the stage to begin the showdown
""Ah, you don't know who I am do you?"
Trixie looks at you in confusion, but you decide to just ignore it and continue with your little speech,
"I'm surprised you don't remember me. I Am... (*pause for dramatic effect*) your FATHER!...'S brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate!"
The crowd gasps! ...Until they start mumbling in confusion about what that even means. Trixie is no less confused,
"What does that make us?"
"Absolutely nothing! SHORYUKEN!!!" Your rising uppercut launches you into the air and onto the stage to begin the showdown.
"DO NOT WORRY EVERYPONY! THE GRRRREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRRRIXIE WILL VANQUISH THE MONSTER THAT THREATENS YOU, JUST AS SHE VANQUISHED THE URSA MAJOR!" Trixie shouted, her powerful voice traveling to every single pony in the audience. All the ponies cheered at their new found savior. With a flash, Trixie runs at you and pins you down. You look up at her and snarl.
Trixie smiles and looks towards the crowd confidently and proclaims,
"DO NOT WORRY EVERYPONY! THE GRRRREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRRRIXIE WILL VANQUISH THE RUFFIAN THAT THREATENS YOU, JUST AS SHE VANQUISHED THE URSA MAJOR!"
All the ponies cheer when they hear this, all except for Twilight, a dragon (you actually were about to run off the stage when you saw him, considering the last time you saw a dragon you were pounded into a pulp) Rarity, Rainbow Dash (*snicker*), and Applejack who just glare at you and... Trixie? Twilight just stares at you with a expression that says "You're up to something" while the others are just glaring at you and Trixie.
I understand why their glaring at me, but why are they glaring at Trixie too? You think to yourself in confusion. You would have continued to think about it (*tackle*), if it weren't for the fact that Trixie just tackled you off the stage. As soon as she did that, a song began to play in the background and you can't help but feel that it fits well with your 'fight'.
"Do you feel lucky, ruffian?" Trixie says to you in a loud voice so that everyling could hear her. You whisper to Trixie,
"Look we have a problem"
You kick Trixie off of you and onto her back. You kick up back to your hooves and rush at Trixie as she stands back up. As she reorients herself, you grab her arm and pretend to put her hoof behind her back in an armlock so she can look at the crowd and say,
"Yippie-ki-yay motherbuc-oh wait, there's foals watching." "You see the purple unicorn in the front row?"
Trixie scans the crowd and then looks back at you and whispers,
"Yeah, what about her?"
Trixie turns and hits you in the side of the head with a haymaker that makes you stumble back.
"Well, she might suspect that this is all a scam!" you quickly whisper
"Uh... verb this! FALCON PUNCH!"
You aim your attack just to Trixie's left so she barely rolls out of the way (close calls are always more exciting) and it destroys a cabbage cart behind her causing the owner to scream, "MY CABBAGES!!!"
"Seriously?" Trixie whispers in annoyed disbelief as she rolls back to her hooves.
"Look, I stink at on-the-spot one-liners!"
"Don't worry about her, just focus on putting on a show!" she whispers as she makes the "Bring it" gesture with her hoof
You give a quick nod in understanding and say,
"You had me at hello! NO SHADOW KICK!"
You leap at Trixie with a barrage of kicks, but she blocks them all with a force field spell (while rolling her eyes at your stupid line). As soon as your attack ends, she zaps you with a weak magical blast, but you pretend that it was super powerful and you fling yourself backwards and scream in 'pain'.
"I hope you don't think you're going to get away with this without a few bruises." You say casually. Trixie narrows her eyes and paws the floor violently with her hoof. "The Great and Powerful Trixie can handle a few cuts, Hoofed Offender. The Great and Powerful Trixie is not weak!" Trixie shouts. The audience watches with amazed looks on their faces, completely engrossed in the performance. You smile and speak in the most menacing voice you can pull off. You try to think back to movies like the Avengers and Star Wars to inspire you to sound like a good villain. "Eheheh. Prove it, you insignificant, stubborn girl." You snarl. The audience boos and curses your snark. You whip your head around and growl, shutting them up. "Oh, 'boo' yourself you insolent, whiny brats! Unless you want to come up here and fight, stay out of this! And as for you, you pathetic wizard...." You jump up suddenly, preparing to strike a staged blow. "Prepare to meet your end, stupid girl!"
"I hope you don't think you're going to get away with that without a few bruises." You say with casual menace as you get back up.
Trixie narrows her eyes and paws the ground violently with her hoof and proclaims,
"The Great and Powerful Trixie can handle a few cuts, Hoofed Offender. Unlike you, the Great and Powerful Trixie is not weak!"
The audience watches with amazed looks on their faces, completely engrossed in the performance. You smile and speak in the most menacing voice you can pull off. You try to think back to movies you've watched to inspire you to sound like a good villain,
"Eheheh. Prove it, you insignificant, stubborn filly." You snarl.
The audience boos and curses you, but you whip your head around shut them up by growling in the RCV,
"OH, 'BOO' YOURSELF YOU INSOLENT WHINY BRATS! UNLESS YOU WANT TO COME UP HERE AND FIGHT, STAY OUT OF THIS! AND AS FOR YOU, YOU PATHETIC 'WIZARD'..."
You charge up a powerful-looking stun spell and proclaim,
"PREPARE TO MEET YOUR END, STUPID FILLY!"
You launch the stun spell just to Trixie's right, but to your horror you realize too late the spell is coming at Applebloom!
NO!!!
Suddenly, Applejack leaps in front of Applebloom and takes the blast full force before landing roughly onto the ground.
"APPLEJACK!!!" The farmpony's sister and friends scream as they run over to her still form,
You stand there in a brief guilt trance as Applebloom starts crying over Applejack, but Trixie quickly tackles you to the ground.
"YOU DARE HARM THE INNOCENT YOU FOUL BEAST!?"
She then whispers to you in horrified shock,
"You didn't have to go that far!"
"But, but, but... I didn't... She wasn't..." you stammer guiltily.
"We should wrap this up quickly before anypony else decides to intervene!", she responds with urgency,
You snap out of your guilt trance in time to give a quick nod in agreement and whisper,
"Okay. Quick, clench your teeth!"
"What?" Trixie asks with a confused look, but you teleport out of the showpony's grasp so that you're standing in front of her and call out,
"SHORYUKEN!" and hit Trixie with a (obviously held back) rising uppercut that launches the showpony back onto the stage. You teleport onto the platform and charge at the downed showpony while crying out,
"THE CAKE IS A LIE!"
You hear someling gasp in shock (for some reason you think it was Pinkie Pie), but you shrug it off for later as you get on your hind legs and lunge your front hooves at Trixie...
Trixie smirks, and lifts you up in the air by the scruff of your cloak. You gulp. Even if you had been actually fighting back you would have to struggle against her grasp. She drops you lightly, but you make it look as if she had slammed you down with earth shattering force.
Hooking her forelegs with your own, you push her to the edge of the stage. "You fight like a rock farmer!" "How appropriate. You fight like a rock!" With that, she steps aside, letting you fall to the ground below. "Tell me Hooded offender," she gloats, "does a being like yourself ever experience fear?!" She blasts you with magic fireworks. Just before they hit, you put up your force field. As the smoke builds, you give a cry and throw yourself backwards.
The showpony quickly gets up and intercepts your hooves with her own and you both grapple to near the edge of the stage.
"You fight like a rock farmer!", you tell her in a snarl.
Trixie then smirks and and says,
"How appropriate. You fight like a rock!"
With that, she side-steps and throws you to the stage floor. Trixie then lifts you up in the air by the scruff of your cloak and drops you lightly, but makes it look as if she had just slammed you on the floor with earth shattering force. She then leaps backwards towards a corner of the stage and screams,
"Flights of angels sing thee to thy rest, mongrel!" as she throws her hooves forward and unleashes a barrage of magical fireworks at you.
*pow* *pow* *pow* *pow* *pow* You just put up your force field right before impact. With the smoke acting as cover, you give a cry and hurl yourself backwards off the stage while crying out,
When Bugze decides it's time to throw the fight, he cries out "CURSE YOU GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!!!" and does an overly-exaggerated death rattle (complete with over five minutes of clutching at chest, twitching, exaggerated facial features (which shouldn't matter since you're wearing a faceless hood) and dying poses, coughing, and hacking).
"CURSE YOU GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIEEEEEEEEE!!!"
You then slam down into the ground. You would have sealed it with an overly-exaggerated death rattle (complete with over five minutes of clutching at your chest, twitching, exaggerated facial features, dying poses, coughing, and hacking), but when you landed your head smacked against an inconveniently-placed rock. The last thing you saw before the darkness sets in was Applebloom's tear-filled eyes glaring at you in pure hatred.
A FEW HOURS LATER IN THE PONYVILLE JAIL
You wake up to see that you're in chains (totally saw that coming), but surprisingly, your hood is still on! You guess Trixie said something to keep it on. You look out the window of your jail cell to see that it is now night time! Time to panic,
"Oh Luna, she's forgotten about me! Curse you lady luck! If I ever get my hooves on-"
"Ahem."
You're snapped out of your panicked rambling when you see Trixie in front of the door to your cell. She opens the door and walks in. As she unlocks your chains you ask,
"Thanks Trixie. Did they give you the bounty yet?"
"We'll discuss that later" she replies "But you need to follow Trixie, quick."
As you both walk out of the hallway of cells, you see an unconscious guard in front of the door causing you to ask,
"Are there any others?"
"No. There was only one guard." she replies
You follow Trixie out the door and into an alley when she suddenly stops and says,
"Trixie needs you to wait here while Trixie scouts on ahead"
You nod in understanding and stand by while the showpony goes on ahead.
Seeing as how Ponyville's security is so weak that they only had one guard in the jail, this shouldn't take more than a few minutes.
MORE THAN A FEW MINUTES LATER
You begin to wonder where Trixie is when you're suddenly blinded by a bright light.
An ambush?! I hope Trixie's okay!
When your eyes readjust, you see crowd of reporter ponies with a unicorn in the lead supplying the light from its horn. Upon further inspection, that unicorn appears to be- TRIXIE?!
"AHA!" Trixie proclaims as she strikes a determined pose, "'The Great and Powerful Trixie' knew that the Hooded Offender would try to escape jail, and look! He has even ruthlessly struck down a helpless guardspony!" she brags as she strikes a heroic pose for the reporters.
Why... why would she do this?, you think in stunned silence, I thought we were friends. I trusted her. I was going to make her rich and famous and she does this to me!
"And you will know my name is 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
While you're frozen in shock at this new development, Trixie blasts you with a stun spell which cause you to fall on a rock... again!
A COUPLE MINUTES LATER
You wake up to see that you are in Hannistallion Lecter-style restraints. You try to break out, but it appears that the restraints negate magic as well as movement so you can't break free.
*Thud*
What...what was that! You think to yourself in a panicked tone.
*Thud* *Thud*
That sounds like a... OH SWEET LUNA NO!!! You think to yourself in pure terror after realizing what was causing the thuding.
*THUD* CRASH*
A huge starred paw just smashed the wall behind you. Your restraints must have been attached to the wall because now your arms are free. You take the restraints off your head and turn around to see that you were right. You scream,
"OH MY LUNA ITS GODZIL- I MEAN A URSA MAJOR!"
The Ursa ignores your outburst and continues to rampage through the town. You then remember how Trixie betrayed you, and how because of your fake fight with her, Applebloom hates you now. You see the town square where the stage/cart is, and snarl,
"Time to find that back-stabbing blue-coated boaster!"
And with that, you begin to walk towards the town hall...
"Hey Hive Mind, Bugze here. This is gonna be the first ever intermission EVER on this fic. And its for a good reason. Since only eleven of you (thank you Minds Eye, hes the only one who DWC actually knows who read it) has actually read the blog DWC posted earlier today. He decide to tell me to tell you guys what he said on the blog, and he said...
Now as you all know, Kersey475 is my substitute editor, and he recently edited 2 of my longest chapters yet, Episode 40 and 41. Now you see the thing about Kersey is, he goes one step beyond with his edits. Not only does he fix my terrible spelling and grammar, he also adds more information and gags to the chapter he edits. Now, you see he has asked a favor of me, and that favor is...to have you guys re-read the fixed chapters episodes 40 and 41. The reason why is actually two reasons, one is that the new info and gags in episode 41 might change your suggestion on what to do, and it would be unfair for you guys/girls/bugs/ponies to use comments that you would want to change due to the fixed chapter. Number two is that I want Kersey's work to be look upon in awe. He does awesome work on my chapters, making them wayyyy better then they were before he edited them. So please, re-read those chapters and make him proud :).
So, anyway that is why there will not be a chapter today, please comment below if you are mad or just want to say thanks or something to Kersey for his work. That is all for today...BYE!"
"Fine. Two can play at this game." you begin to calmly walk down the hall with your head held high. You let out another low menacing growl.
"Fine. Two can play at this game." You say to yourself in a low menacing tone.
If anypony were to look at your hooded head, they would see a pair of glowing orange eyes filled with hate. All around you ponies are running away from either you or the Ursa Major. You honestly didn't care. For all you know, they could only be running away from you for you only have one thought on your mind;
VENGEANCE
When I get my hooves on that no good back-stabbing unicorn, I'm gonna tear her a new one!You think to yourself in a dark tone. You are about to get out of the alley that you got into after the Ursa smashed the wall of your prison, when you see the Ursa heading straight towards Trixie's stage/wagon.
You grin wickedly as the ursa draws closer to the traitor's stage and wagon. Her imminent destruction will be fun to watch. "You have to help her," a voice says. You turn to your right to see a miniature Nightshade sitting on your shoulder. "I know she betrayed you, but she doesn't deserve this! No pony can defeat an ursa major on their own." "Oh, let the monster have its fun," says another voice on your left. That shoulder is now occupied with a strange looking pony. She looks like Luna, but her coat is pitch black, and she wears the armor you saw way back in the castle. She continues, "That braggart could use some humiliation." You have no idea what's going on, confirmed by the fact that you say, "I have no idea what's going on." Mini-Nightshade speaks again. "What kind of example would this set for your daughter? You're going to let the monster destroy the whole town because of one pony?" "Shove a sock in it," the other says. "If the town guard wasn't so busy chasing after a harmless changeling, they might have been able to do something about the ursa." You shake your head. "How am I even seeing you two?" "You got knocked out twice in one day," Mini-Nightshade says. "Actually," the other says, "she's right about that. You really should see a doctor after this. More importantly, what do you do now?" You answer, "I-I don't know. I've tried being the good guy and it's only brought me trouble! I tried to fake being the bad guy, and I lost the only friend I had in this town! I want to do the right thing, but no matter what I do, something goes wrong and someone ends up hating me." The two beings on your shoulders share a laugh. The black one says, "Welcome to heroism." They disappear with a pop. You stand still, watching the ursa stomp farther and farther into town, confused about what to do. This really wasn't your problem. You had nothing to do with this ursa, but if you show up, every pony will think you caused it anyway. But every pony in town is innocent. It wasn't their fault Applejack never liked you. It wasn't their fault you teleported and made a fool of yourself right in front of all Equestrian royalty. It wasn't their fault you fired the stun spell at Applebloom. And as you look over the empty streets, you realize they have no idea what's coming for them. You charge up your Royal Canterlot Voice, and shout a warning. "Everybody MOVE!"
You smile wickedly as the Ursa gets closer to Trixie's wagon/stage.
This is just what that traitorous unicorn deserves, I'm gonna enjoy this...You think to yourself in a dark tone. You then hear a voice next to you,
"You have to help her."
You look to your left to see who said that and see... a miniature Nightshade standing on your shoulder.
What the hay? You think to yourself in confusion.
The chibi Nightshade then says,
"I know she betrayed you, but she doesn't deserve this! No pony can defeat an Ursa Major on their own!"
You are about to respond to her, when another voice on your right says, "Oh, let the monster have its fun."
You look over to your right to see a strange looking pony. She looks like Luna, but her coat is pitch black and she wears the armor you saw way back in the castle.
Why is she wearing that armor, and why does she look so much like Luna?You think to yourself in even more confusion. The Luna look-alike then continues,
"That braggart could use some humiliation."
"Wait wait wait!" You blurt out in extreme confusion "What in the name of Luna is going on!"
Both chibi Nightshade and the Luna look-alike flinch when you say Luna's name, but then chibi Nightshade says,
"What kind of example would this set for your daughter? You're going to let the monster destroy the whole town just because of one pony?"
Wait... isn't she my daughter? You think to yourself in extreme confusion.
Before you can voice your question, the Luna look-alike says,
"Shove a sock in it, if the town guard wasn't so busy chasing after a harmless changeling, they might have been able to do something about the Ursa."
You decide that you've have enough of this craziness, you try to use the age-old remedy...
*wham* *wham* *wham* *wham*
Repeatedly banging your head against a wall.
After a few minutes of doing this, you decide to see if it worked. You look at your shoulders to see... that they are both still there. And they're giving you looks that scream "What is wrong with you!"
"How am I even seeing you two!?" You ask them in distress. The chibi Nightshade says in a deadpanned tone,
"Dude you got knocked out twice in one day, what do you expect would happen?" You look at her in shock and you expect the Luna look-alike to disagree (that's what shes been doing ever since this conversation started) but instead she says,
"Actually, for once she's right about something. You really should see a doctor after this. More importantly, what will you do now?"
You have no idea on how to answer that question, so you decide to voice your confusion,
"I-I don't know. I've tried being the good guy and it's only brought me trouble! I tried to fake being the bad guy and I lost the only friend I had in this town! I want to do the right thing, but no matter what I do something goes wrong and someling ends up hating me."
The two beings on your shoulder begin to laugh before they both say "Welcome to the hero business buddy."
And with that they disappear.
as you search you cant help but wonder why your lucks been like crap lately, why diddint the universe just tell you that stuff was gonna suck so hard from this point? suddenly in one of your mad dashes you trip and roll under an open latter landing under some table, and coming face first with a pitch black cat which hissed at you startling you. you then bump your head on the table getting from under the table and standing on all fours you realized you spilled four containers of salt by bumping your head on the table taking a step back you hear a crack under you. looking down you realize you'd just broken a mirror an owl landed on the table then shaking its head in a 'no' presumably in pity hooted 3 times in a row to this you gave a low whistle and say "im dead"
As you start to walk aimlessly forward in thought, you can't help but wonder why your luck has been so bad lately. Sure it could be because of the dozen of times you cursed out lady luck, but if your luck was going to be so bad couldn't the universe just tell you that your luck is gonna suck? Suddenly, you trip and roll under an open latter landing under a table and come face-to-face with a pitch-black cat which hisses right in your face. You jump up with a startled yell, but hit your head on the underside of the table. When you stand back up from under the table, you realized that you spilled four containers of salt by bumping your head on the table. Taking a step back, you hear a crack under you and look down and realize that you'd just broken a mirror. An owl then suddenly lands on the table and it starts shaking its head in a 'no' in what you guess is that that was a pity shake. It then hooted 3 times in a row. You stare at it in awe and terror and you give a low whistle before saying a profound statement of universal wisdom...
"Welp... I'm dead"
You look at all the panicking ponies around and at the Ursa who is still destroying the town as you just stand there confused. This isn't your problem. You shouldn't get involved. If you show up, then they probably blame you for all of this, but everyling (well, almost everyling) in this town is innocent and you vowed to protect them. The orange glow in your eyes slowly disappears as you begin to think in sadness,
It's not their fault that Applejack never liked me. It's not their fault I teleported and made a fool of myself right in front of all Equestrian royalty. It's not their fault I fired the stun spell at Applebloom and hurt Applejack...
While you're thinking in sadness, you see the Ursa heading towards- a group of colts and fillies! You also see that Applebloom is among the cowering foals!
Trixie can wait, right now those kids need to be saved. Even though they hate me... I won't let any harm come to them!
you decide the best way to proceed is via stealth which in this case is via blending in. unfortunately everyling was running for their lives
You decide that the best way to proceed is via stealth and in this case that means blending in. Unfortunately, everyling was either panicking and running for their lives at the moment (you swear you even saw one blind stallion scream "The end is near!!! We are all gonna die-*clang*" before running into a pole).
Oh well, when in Canterlot You think to yourself as you make a mad dash towards the kids.
You get there just in time to see the foals cowering in fear as the Ursa Major gets closer to them. You jump fight in front of the foals and they all gasp in fear. You look behind you to see all the foals shaking in fear, except for Applebloom who just glares at you.
I may lose you as a friend,but I'll rather die then let you get hurt! You think to yourself in a heroic tone. You then stare down the Ursa Major, but out of the corner of your eye you see... a staff on the ground? At least you think it's one. It has a huge red crystal at the top of it and it is made of wood painted (you think) black. You then remember the time you went against Smaug and how you used a video game spell on him. You get an idea and you pick up the stick with your hooves.
I really hope this works. You think to yourself. You then charge up the RCV and scream at the Ursa...
Stride up to the Ursa Major (actually it's an Ursa Minor, but you don't know that) and yell in RCV, "YOU, SHALL NOT,PASS
As you scream 'pass' you slam the end of the staff onto the ground. And it works! It sends a shock wave of magic towards the Ursa Major, causing the bear to be sent flying backwards over Trixie's wagon before slamming down at the entrance of the town. You look at the staff in awe,
"Huh, first of all I'm keeping you" you say as you point the staff in your hoof "and second of all, I can't believe that actually worked!"
You look behind you to see that the foals are still there. You sigh in annoyance and say to them,
"Well, don't just stand there... RUN!"
The foals listen to your advice and begin to run away, all of them except Applebloom who still glares at you. You decide it's best to make amends with her now,
"Look I know what I did was wrong, but you have to believe me it was all an accident. *sigh*I know you never want to talk to me again, but you should know that I'm terribly sorry, and don't worry. After I deal with this Ursa, you'll never see me again."
Applebloom continues to just glare at you. With that, you give a sad sigh before you turn and begin to run towards the Ursa.
Halfway to the Ursa, you see that it's back up and charging towards you.
*CRUSH*
But it happens to crush Trixie's wagon! You briefly smirk in vindictive satisfaction, but you just remembered something,
The Inventory was in that wagon.
YOUR DAUGHTER WAS IN THE INVENTORY!!!
"NIGHTSHAAAADEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
What do you do?
[FIXED/REVAMPED] Episode 43: ANGRY BUGZE VS. THE URSA MAJOR
Nightshade is gone... The little filly was only days old, and now she's gone... She trusted you. She put her life in your hooves, trusting that you would keep her safe. It's too much. You're a big ling! As much as you complain, you can handle what Lady Luck throws at you! Why is she the one who was crushed?! You feel it slipping!
The Ursa Major gets closer to you, but in your grief-stricken state, you don't notice or care.
Nightshade is gone... Tears begin to form in your eyes as the whole day's experience begins to fall onto you.
First I get betrayed by Trixie who I thought I could trust, then I lose the only friend I had in this town because of my stupid mistake, and now...
Tears begin to fall down your cheek and onto the ground.
Now that sweet innocent little filly is gone. She wasn't even a year old, and she's gone...
The Ursa gets even closer to you, but you don't care. you just stand there in grief and regret.
She trusted me... I promised her I would protect her with my life. She trusted me to keep her safe and happy.
Your body starts shaking in anger and sadness and your eyes begin to glow orange once again.
This is too much. I'm a big bug. As much as I complain, I can always handle what lady luck would throw at me.
Strange, midnight covered smoke begins to cover your body.
Why... why as she the one to get crushed?! It should have been me! The midnight colored smoke is now warped around your entire body, and it starts to form a tail at the back of your body.
*snap*
I... feel.... something slipping!
While you're frozen by grief, the charging Ursa knocks you into a damaged building which collapses on you. However, the rubble then explodes away from you in an outburst of power marked by your rage-filled yell.
Before anything else can happen, the Ursa rams you into a damaged building far away which causes the structure to collapse on you. The Ursa then smiles in victory and is about to continue his rampage when...
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
The rubble explodes away from you in a burst of energy. The Ursa (and anyling in the area) look at the where the explosion came from in both shock and fear. Where the rubble once was now stands a creature covered in the midnight colored smoke with a fox-like tail swooshing behind it. You look at the Ursa with orange glowing eyes in pure hatred. The Ursa snaps out of it and begins to charge at you, but when it gets close...
The Ursa tries to charge you again, but you use that power to grab the Ursa in a painful hold, lift it into the air, and slam that overgrown furball into the ground repeatedly, using more ground-shaking force with each vicious impact until your beat-down can be mistaken for an earthquake.
"SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER! AND YOU TOOK HER FROM ME! SHE WAS MINE, MINE! SHE WAS THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME GOING IN THIS CRUEL, UNFAIR WORLD, AND YOU TOOK HER!
You lash out with your fox tail and grab the charging Ursa, stopping it in its tracks. You don't know how, but to be honest you're too filled with rage to care. You lift the Ursa into the air and bring it close to your face. The Ursa futility squirms against your hold, but you just tighten your grip causing the Ursa to let out a whimper of pain. You then tell it in a low, menacing voice
"I'm gonna hurt you so bad, that their gonna have to stitch ya back together in Tartarus!" (for some reason you said all of that in a Scottish accent).
The Ursa whimpers in fear and pain at being lifted in your grasp, which causes you to smile a cruel smirk. You then proceed to lift the Ursa a little higher into the air before violently slamming the overgrown furball into the ground. You lift and slam the Ursa repeatedly, lifting the Ursa higher and using more ground-shaking force with each vicious impact until your beat-down can be mistaken for an earthquake while screaming in the RCV,
"SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER! (*slam*) AND YOU TOOK HER FROM ME! (*slam*) SHE WAS MINE, (*slam*) MINE! (*slam*) SHE WAS THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME GOING (*slam*) IN THIS CRUEL, UNFAIR WORLD, (*slam*) AND YOU TOOK HER! (*slam*) YOU'RE GONNA PAY. (*slam*) YOU'RE GONNA PAY (*slam*) IF IT'S THE LAST THING I (*Slam*) BUCKNG (*Slam*) DO!!!" (*SLAM*)
After you think you made a nice crater with the Ursa's body, you give a rage filled yell and throw the Ursa to the other side of the town. The Ursa barely manages to get up, but as soon as it does, you decide to end it here and now. Using your fox tail, you launch yourself towards the Ursa like a rocket and you charge up your,
You leap into the air towards the monster's face, putting everything you have in one ultimate shot! "FALCON PUNCH!"
Falcon Punch, but for some odd reason instead of it being a fiery color, it is now a midnight blue color. But, again, you're too enraged to care about the details. You finally reach the Ursa's face and you scream in the RCV,
"FALCON, PUNCH!!!"
You then slam hoof-first into the Ursa's face with so much force that it releases a small shockwave and sends the Ursa flying into the air. You fall to the ground and land on your feet as you watch the Ursa's body fly far away and smash into the side of a mountain in the forest you first woke up in. You smile in victory, before you notice that you have attracted quite the crowd. It must have been everyling in town and you notice that Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity are in the front of the crowd. You then remember that you have a score to settle with a certain bragger. As you begin to slowly walk towards the crowd, they start to look at you in terror, and the mares take a defensive stance. But, you ignore them and begin to scan the crowd for Trixie until...
You then turn to the terrified ponies and spot the traitorous Trixie cowering in the back. You expose her treachery using the RCV, a short 'argument' ensues (and by 'argue' I mean Trixie fearfully tries to justify her actions), and she eventually points to Snips and Snails and says that they are responsible for the Ursa. Before you can do anything physical to them, Fluttershy suddenly appears and starts calling you out for hurting the baby Ursa AND hurting her friend Applejack and almost hurting Applebloom
You see her cowering in the back of the crowd, and your anger spikes at just the site of her. So you charge up your RCV and say,
"WELL WELL WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE 'TRAITOROUS AND WEAK' TRIXIE!"
She flinches when you call her that, and you decide to get closer to her. You teleport in front of her causing the crowd around you to recoil and gasp and the showpony makes a "eep" sound. You think you heard two colts say something like,
"No matter, the Great and Powerful Trixie can stop The Monster." One of them says, and the other one response with
"Yeah, just like she did that Ursa Major!"
You snort in anger at what they say and think,
Time to show these ponies the real Trixie. You charge up your RCV and tell the crowd,
"LISTEN WELL PONIES, FOR YOUR TINY MINDS ARE ABOUT TO BECOME MUSH! THE 'FIGHT', AS YOU PONIES CALL IT, BETWEEN ME AND TRIXIE... WAS FAKE!"
The crowd around you gasp in surprise and start to mumble about if you were telling the truth or not while Trixie looks.. guilty? You scoff at that and continue to speak in the RCV,
"THAT'S RIGHT PONIES, IT WAS ALL A SCAM THOUGHT UP BY ME AND TRIXIE. SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO 'BEAT' ME IN BATTLE AND TURN ME IN. THEN SHE WOULD COLLECT THE REWARD MONEY, GET ME OUT OF JAIL, AND THEN SPLIT IT WITH ME. BUT, SHE STABBED ME IN THE BACK INSTEAD... ISN'T THAT RIGHT TRIXIE?"
The crowd looks at Trixie, hoping that what you said was not true. Trixie starts to mumble nervously, until she finally says in a dejected and defeated tone,
"It... It is true, the fight was a scam, and so was my defeat of the Ursa Major."
The crowd all gasp in shock, and you smile in victory. You are about to walk away when you hear Twilight ask Trixie,
"If I may ask, why did you betray The Hooded Offender?"
Trixie looks around nervously and says,
"I..It.. It was the glory. I was always ignored throughout my life, but when I saw how much ponies looked at me in awe, how they showered me with adoration and bits, I wanted more. I figured if I could do it again I wouldn't feel any different and I would become so famous that I would be known across Equestria. I just wanted ponies to notice me. But I was wrong, I shouldn't have betrayed him. He was the nicest pony I ever meant and I stabbed him in the back. I'm so sorry, I swear!"
You ignore her apology, instead you just focus on how her lust for glory and fame made her do it.
I swear to Luna I will never let something as petty as that control meYou think to yourself bitterly. You are about to teleport away again, when you hear something that makes your blood turn cold,
"But, we brought that Ursa to town so that you could prove that you beat one before."
"Yeah, what gives?"
Suddenly, the air around the two colts gets super cold as you turn your glowing eyes onto them,
"You what!" you growl in a low menacing tone as they cower and whimper in fear under your glare.
You ready yourself to pounce the colts and teach them a lesson they would NEVER forget, when you hear something you really didn't want to hear today...
"How DARE you!"
You turn around to see Fluttershy giving you 'The Stare'
"You should be ashamed of yourself! I thought you were better than this!"
Fluttershy starts to slowly walk towards you, her glare intensifying the closer she gets. Even in your enhanced state, the power of 'The Stare' is still a formidable one. However, her words cut far more deeply than the stare.
"First you fake a fight for money, then you hurt my friend Applejack in front of her little sister, then you hurt a cranky Ursa MINOR, and now you're scaring more foals?!"
You would have been shocked at the knowledge that the building-sized furball rampaging through Ponyville was just a baby, but other thoughts were going through your mind. Fluttershy was the only other pony you thought liked you and could've been your friend. Seeing her with this much anger towards you is more than you can bear.
"You think because one pony betrayed you, that gives you the right to take it out on innocent helpless babies! I thought that Twilight was wrong about you mind-controlling me, but now I have no reason to doubt her! What do you have to say for yourself?!"
She stops talking to you when she's right in front of you. Trixie stabs you in the back, Applebloom hates you, Nightshade's dead, and now even Fluttershy has turned on you. You just can't take it anymore! Tears start to stream down your face and all you can say in a whispered heartbroken tone is...
"I just wanted to be the good guy..."
The yellow pegasus's recoils a little in shock and her glare softens, but you just run off into the forest in heartbroken despair. You don't even hear a purple unicorn yell,
(For remade chapter) tears sting your eyes. Why won't anyling realize you're trying to help? And now Nightshade, the only little pony that relied on you and supported you is gone. You are truly alone. You run into the forest, and slam into every tree you see, trying to harm yourself violently. "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! I ONLY WANTED FRIENDS! I ONLY WANTED TO BE GOOD! I ONLY WANTED TO BE ACCEPTED!" You finally collapse. The bruises; emotional and physical prove to be too much. "I only wanted to be the hero."
With tears in your eyes, you continue to run. Away from the town. Away from the ponies. Away from the pain and the shame. You can't help but think in despair as you continue to run...
Why won't anyling realize that I'm just trying to help? And now, because I tried to play the hero, Nightshade the only little pony that actually relied on me and supported me... is gone.
You stop in a tree line near a open flied. More tears begin to fall as you remember all the times you had with Nightshade. Suddenly, all you anger explodes and you begin to slam into every tree in the area, trying to harm yourself violently while screaming...
"WHY*wham*WHY*wham*WHY*wham*WHY*wham*WHY?!*wham*WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!*wham*I ONLY WANTED FRIENDS!*wham*I ONLY WANTED TO BE GOOD!*wham*I ONLY WANTED TO BE ACCEPTED!"*wham*
Finally you collapse onto the ground. The bruises; emotional and physical prove to be too much. You begin to remember all the times you were with Nightshade. Her cat-like eyes, her black coat, her huge appetite, her strange looking armor, her... her...
You think of all the things you could see in your little Nightshades beautiful starry mane, and say, "Space, common stars, galaxies, black holes, Orion, the Big Dipper... THE BIG DIPPER!" And curl up into a fetal position, mumbling "Wanna go to space, wanna go to space, wanna go to space" to yourself over and over again
Amazing space-like mane. You begin to think of all the things you could see in little Nightshade's beautiful mane, and say "Space, common stars, galaxies, black holes, Orion, the Big Dipper...THE BIG DIPPER!" You then curl up into the fetal position and start crying. Finally, after a few more minutes of tears, your thoughts start to take a darker tone...
In your despair, you consider how no matter what you do, you'll always be alone, everypony will always hate you, and think you're a monster and you hear a tiny dark voice making these dark thoughts worse and tempting you to just give in and take your revenge on the world.
No matter what I say or do, I'll always be alone and I'll always be hated by everyling I meet. I'll just be... a monster. You think to yourself in despair. You then suddenly hear a faint female voice beckon,
"Yessssss, You'll always be alone, no one will ever love you. No one will ever even care for you. You'll always be hated by all. Even your only friends in this worthless town hate you. You tried to be the 'hero' and look how they repay you... With hate, scorn, and pain. You'll always be nothing more than a monster to them. Why not live down to expectations and take your revenge on these pitiful ponies? Become the monster they see you as..."
The voice continues to torment you and tempt you to give in to the rage.
You are in a very fragile and unstable emotional state right now and Celestia have mercy on anypony who dares attack while you're in this state...
You can't help but think that you are in a very fragile and unstable emotional state right now. The fact that you have a tiny voice whispering evil thoughts to you helps prove the unstable part. You hope to Luna that noling attacks you while you're in this state. The midnight colored smoke around you and fox tail are growing larger off of your building sorrow and rage. With luck, noling will find yo-
"There he is!"
You get up, but before you can turn around and see were the voice came from, a rainbow blur knocks you back. As you get up, you hear Rainbow Dash taunt,
"Not so tough now, huh."
The little voice in your head starts to laugh and say,
See! Even in your state of mourning they still interfere! Give into your hate, give into the rage! Show these pitiful ponies what happens when they mess with us! Pay them back a thousand-fold!!!
*Snap*
All your anger, sorrow, pain, grief, and hate explodes at once. You also hear this in the background and it makes you smile wickedly.
Rainbow Dash charges at you, but with an enraged scream you lash out with a Falcon Punch that connects head-on with the pegasus's face. The force of the blow sends the athlete flying back until she smashes through a pair of trees.
"RAINBOW DASH!" the ponies cry out. You turn and see that Applejack, Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie all followed you. Your anger spikes even more and the midnight colored smoke and fox tail becomes more unstable. You hear Twilight scream,
"Get him!!!" and you snarl in anger. So you decide to settle old scores with the ponies...
“I WAS the one who watched over the innocent!”
Applejack charges at you in a rage, but you block her with forcefield stunning the farmpony. Before she can recover, you let down the forcefield and shoryuken the farm pony, sending her flying to where Rainbow Dash is.
“I WAS the one who protected those who can't protect themselves!”
As you walk forward, you dodge Pinkie Pie's party cannon with teleport and teleport right in front of her. Before the shocked pony can blast you, you hit the barrel of the party cannon with a hook that makes the cannon spin around and hit the party pony with enough force to knock to Applejack and Rainbow Dash like a baseball.
“I AM the shadow that now follows the path of evil!”
You teleport behind Rarity and buck the fashionista before she can react, sending her into her fallen friends.
“I am the beaten dog biting back!”
You dodge another magic blast and teleport behind Twilight. Horn glowing, she whirls around to blast you with a another spell, but you slap her horn to cancel her attack and daze the unicorn before following up with a charged-up point-blank stun spell that knocks the librarian backwards into the pile of defeated ponies.
You rise into the air, glaring at the ponies knocked to the ground, and scream your defiance down on them. Your rage builds with every word. Your power grows with every look of fear and anger sent up at you. You charge up another spell, not knowing what it is, and Luna forgive you, you don't want to stop it.
“I!”
You use your fox tail to lift you up into the air.
“AM!”
You charge up a big attack ball with power you didn't know you had. You don't know what it is or what it'll do, but Luna forgive you you don't want it to stop!
“THE HOODED OFFENDER!!!”
With each word you say your rage builds, and the voice in your head keeps saying over and over,
Yess! Yesss! Kill them! KILL THEM ALL!!!
Just as you're about to fire the death ball at them, you hear something that makes you stop dead in your tracks...
Bugze pauses, seeing the filly, before looking back and forth between her and the mane six,
You pause in absolute shock. You look at the downed ponies and then you look at the dark unicorn filly (who adorably has The Inventory warped around her body). You continue to look back and forth between them, confused at what to think. The voice in your head screams,
No you fool! It's obviously just an illusion conjured up by the purple one in a pathetic attempt to save their own worthless lives! FINISH THEM!!!
However, you doubt that's true for three reasons.
1. Twilight never saw Nightshade before.
2. Twilight's horn isn't glowing all magic-like, so she isn't casting any spells.
3. Twilight is unconscious (you did just blast her point-blank with a charged-up rage-fueled stun spell to the face after all...)
You smile in happiness and tears of joy start to stream down your face.
The magic dissapates and you think you can hear a tiny hiss of disappointment. You look down at Nightshade to meet her gaze, her eyes filled with anger, anxiousness, and exasperation, but not a single trace of fear. You gently float back down to the ground and stare at Nightshade. Not another second goes by before you wrap her up in a huge hug, not letting go. Nightshade looks at you and whispers to you in a worried tone. "You...were a monster..." she murmurs. Your gaze softens and you can feel tears well up as the filly returns your tight, protective hug. "I miss my daddy" And suddenly there's an explosion in your heart. All traces of fear, doubt, anger, and confusion are blasted away from your soul and replaced with nothing but joy and... "!" Your eyes widen and you clench your chest as a painful yet pleasant sensation settles in your heart. Love.
See your daughter. The ball of raging death begins to disappear and you swear you hear a tiny hiss of failure. You decide to look into the whole 'evil voice in my head later', because right now all you want to do is see your daughter. You begin to descend to the ground and your glowing orange eyes begin to disappear as well. When you look into Nightshade's gaze, you see that her eyes are filled with anger (you flinched at how much anger such a young filly like her has), anxiousness, worry, and exasperation, but what surprises you is that she doesn't have a single trace of fear in her eyes.
She's not scared of me! You think in shock, But... I must look like a monster to her...to all of them. You think in sadness as you look at the downed ponies, their looks of terror being etched into your mind.
You sigh in shame as you finally reach the ground, your midnight colored smoke (which, for some reason, you want to call it the "Nightmare Cloak") disappears and your back to your old buggy self. Though somehow your hood manage to stay on the entire time you went loco.
Right before she can react, you scoop her into the largest hug thought possible, whispering about how upset you were into her ear.
But, not a second goes by before you scoop Nightshade into the largest hug thought possible and you begin to rapidly say to her stuff like,
"Are you okay" and "Where have you been?"
Nightshade looks at you and whispers in a worried tone,
"You... were a monster..." Your gaze softens and you begin to frown in shame as you can feel more tears well up, but the filly returns your tight, protective hug.
"I miss my daddy."
Suddenly there's an explosion in your heart. All traces of fear, doubt, anger, and confusion are blasted away from your soul and replaced with nothing but joy and...
"!"
Your eyes widen and you clutch your chest as a painful yet pleasant sensation settles in your heart. Nightshade looks at you worried and asks,
"Are you okay daddy?"
Your chest starts to hurt more when Nightshade ask you that. It is then you realize what is causing you pain...
Love.
Is this what it feels to be loved? I mean, sure, changelings get love by tricking ponies into thinking that we're their loved ones, but is this how it feels to be loved without trickery?You think to yourself in confusion. After the sensation passes, you look at Nightshade and ask a question that has been bugging (pun intended) you for awhile, and that is...
"Ni- Nightshade? Y- you're alive? How? I saw you get crushed."
"Ni- Nightshade? Y- you're alive? How? I saw you get crushed."
Nightshade suddenly looks really nervous and she says,
"Wellyouseedaddytherewasthisicecreamshopjustalittleawayfromthestage. Ithadaboardoutsidethatread 'All You Can Eat Ice Cream for 9 Bits!' andIwashungrysoIthought 'Hey why not.' SoItookmybedTheInventoryandwenttotheicecreamshop (don'tworryDaddyIhidmywingsandarmorusingmybed). Istayedthereeatingseveraltubsoficecream (andtheyactuallydidletmeeatallIwant! UnlikethatOliveGrottowhichbtwwastoosaltyanyway) untilIheardthisscarynoisecomingfromoutside. IwouldhavedonesomethingbutIsuddenlygotmassivebrainfreezefromalltheicecream. Andwell... you know what happened after that. OhandIusedupthelastofourbits..." She says with a sheepish grin. (*)
You look at her in shock. You only caught 'All You Can Eat Ice Cream for 9 Bits!', but that was enough for you to piece together what happened and you think,
I don't know if I should be surprised that she went off on her own without telling me or at the fact that her huge appetite saved her.
You just sigh and hug Nightshade again. You close your eyes and think,
This moment is perfect. Nothing can ruin th-
INCOMING URSA MAJOR!!! (Probably NOT happy at the fact that you beat up her baby)
*ROAR!!!*
Your eyes widen in shock and you look in front of you and you see...
A very, very not happy Ursa Major.
....
Buck you, Lady Luck..
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 46: Animals Don't Like Me...At All
Oh, would you look at that? A giant star-patterned bear the size of a skyscraper... *serious face* There is only one thing that can defeat a giant monster... an equally giant monster! (Psst, do we have one of those? Maybe bring back Smaug for a giant monster battle? Spike turning giant? Bugzy going super saiyan on Nightshade's love?)
Oh, would look at that? A giant star-patterned bear the size of a skyscraper... I really hate lady luck. You think to yourself as you stare at the massive (and angry) Ursa Major.
If you didn't regret attacking that Ursa Minor from before, you reallydo now.
With my luck, this Ursa Majors its mommy... You think to yourself in despair. Nightshade looks at you confused and asks,
"Daddy, what was that sound, and why do the ponies behind you look terrified?"
You look at your daughter worried that she might freak out and run away from the Ursa Major, so you quickly whisper to her,
"Nothing's wrong sweet heart, but can you do daddy a favor and go to your room?"
Nightshade looks at you suspiciously, but then she smiles and says,
"Okay Daddy!" She then proceeds to take off The Inventory and she puts it on the ground. She then looks at you with an adorable smile and then she... literally jumps into The Inventory. You sigh in relief and put The Inventory back.
It feels nice to have this puppy back on, you think to yourself now how do you deal with a giant monster?
You put on your thinking face for a few moments, but then you hear a *ding*and you get a great idea,
I know! In all those classic monster movies (that I watched in secret back at the hive) the only way to defeat a giant monster is to throw another giant monster at it! You then charge up your RCV and proclaim,
"I CALL UPON THE DRAGON, SMAUG, TO MY SIDE!"
*cricket* *cricket* *cricket*
"Okay... GODZILLA! TO ME!"
*cricket* *cricket* *cricket*
"LOOK, I JUST NEED A REALLY BIG MONSTER! I WOULD EVEN BE OKAY WITH INSECTOSAURUS FROM THAT ONE MOVIE!"
*cricket* *cricket* *cricket*
Well... that could have gone better... You think to yourself in a deadpanned tone.
You swear you hear Rarity and Applejack say under their breaths,
"That was his big idea?"
"Stupid varmint..."
You sigh in defeat and you admit that wasn't your brightest idea. The Ursa Major snorts in annoyance and it begins to walk very slowly towards you and the mares. You can't help but think in a confused tone,
Why is she moving so slow? What is this, a cheap slasher movie?
You look behind you and see that the downed ponies are still too weak to do anything. You think back at how you are the one who put them into this situation. You then look back at the Ursa Major and its huge form slowly coming closer to you and them.
*ding*
You get a great idea that will save the mares from the wrath of the Ursa Major... but not yourself. You gulp in terror and then you go to the ponies and...
Proceed to magically strain yourself and teleport everybody you knocked out back to town
Proceed to tell them your plan.
"Look here's the plan. I'm gonna distract the Ursa Major long enough for me to charge up a teleport spell to get you mares out of here. That way you guys won't be hurt when the Ursa goes to town on me."
All the ponies just weakly nod there heads, well all of them besides Twilight (who's still unconscious) and Applejack who just looks at you suspiciously and says,
"And how in tarnation do we know that you'll keep your word and actually teleport us out of here!"
You sigh in defeat and say,
"Because it's my vow to protect those who can't protect themselves, and right now, due to my screw-ups (and bad temper apparently) you can't protect yourselves. So prepared to be protected!"
You turn, facing the Ursa as you strike a heroic pose and say...
*Gulp* ummmmm, you see.......i'm sorry about what happened buuuuuuttttt........LOOK A DISTRACTION!!!!!
*Gulp* Ummmmm, you see... i'm sorry about what happened buuuuuuttttt... LOOK, A DISTRACTION!!!!!"
You say the last part in the RCV as you point behind the Ursa Major. Luckily for you, the Ursa turned around and looked to where you pointed. You sigh in relief and begin to charge up a huge teleport spell.
Hopefully shooting someling with this will teleport them and not blast them across the continent. You think to yourself in a worried tone.
When you think you charged the spell long enough, you turn, aim it at the downed ponies, and... you fire! You closed your eyes when you did, so imagine your relief when you look to see that the mares weren't there anymore. You then take a deep breath and turn around and face the Ursa. You breathe in a deep breath and whisper,
"Luna help me."
You then try a way you have yet to try to solve a problem, and that is...
but the power you gained from love has boosted your magic greatly, level with the hate magic, and allows you to use the powerful move: return
You look up at the Ursa Major and gulp. I mean look at that, the thing is bloody massive! You decide that no more innocent creatures will be harmed and you try to reason with the beast. "Um...you see...I didn't mean to harm your cub...but he DID attack Ponyville and he nearly crushed my daughter! You need to control your cub, ma'am!"
Quick! Pantomime that her cub almost killed yours!
To try and reason with it. Hopefully it won't kill before you finish speaking to her.
If the ponies can do it, then so can I! You think to yourself with little to no confidence at all. You gulp again in fear and say to the Ursa,
"Um... you see... I didn't mean to harm your cub ma'am. But he DID attack Ponyville and it's my duty to protect the ponies who can't protect themselves. That and he nearly crushed my daughter so you should know what happens when someling hurts your cub, you snap! You need to control your cub, ma'am!"
You look at the Ursa and hope to Luna that she calmed down... and she didn't. In fact she just looks more mad then before. You have no idea how to call upon or even use that power from before, and even if you did, you don't want to cause any more damage to the area or to any creatures nearby so fighting is out of the option. You brace yourself, close you eyes, and wait for your end...
and wait...
and wait...
You decide to open your eyes so you could see what is causing your soon-to-be-death to not happen and you see...
Fluttershy appears and does something
Fluttershy right in front of you, giving 'The Stare' to the Ursa Major!
"You should be attending to your baby!"
You stare at her in shock and wonder why she's helping you after all that has happen, but then she answers that question for you,
"Hoody, I now know for certain that there is good in you, but you need to learn to control your anger, if you don't mind at least. I haven't completely forgiven you just yet for what you did to the Ursa Minor but," she looks at you real quick and gives you a warm smile "I'll be willing to forgive a friend as long as he say's sorry to the Ursa Minor later." She then looks back at the Major and begins to calm it down.
You feel tears of happiness go down your cheeks, and you nod your head excitedly and say,
"Don't worry Fluttershy, I'll say sorry the next time I see that Ursa Minor! I promise!"
You see that the Ursa has finally calmed down and is retreating back into the forest. But you also hear the sound of alot of ponies coming this way, so you look at Fluttershy and... you hug her. She is shocked at first, but then turns in your embrace and hugs you back with a smile. When the hug is over, you say a quick "See you soon" and then you teleport...
You (and Nightshade in The Inventory) teleport away... into another tight spot
Fifty feet in the air. You look down and see that you are above a western-looking town. You then start to really regret not learning how to fly, because for once the laws of physics actually work and you begin to plummet to your doom. But, there's only one thought on your mind...
You reflect on your life so far. Let's see...by vowing righteousness you nearly destroyed an entire town, ponies have almost died, NIGHTSHADE almost died, and here you are...dropping. And maybe if everyling down there is very very silent...they will here you drop, like a pin. But, look on the bright side. You made friends with the princess of love, made friends with the Doctor's companion, fought a dragon, discovered you were a father, infiltrated Canterlot Castle by accident, and fended off an Ursa Major and her cub. You smile. Not such a terrible life, eh? Just as you were about to close your eyes and accept death, you saw something...a flying blue box. You silently apologize to Lady Luck and mutter under your breath. "No way."
Since you already did the whole "life flashing before your eyes" the last time you we're plummeting you decide to reflect on your life so far as that happens again...
Let's see... some bad things that happened after I vowed to be the good guy: almost destroyed an entire town, got deep into debt, got squashed, beaten, and betrayed, ponies have almost died, NIGHTSHADE almost died, lost one of my friends due to my screw-ups, became Equestria's Most Wanted, and I'm now falling to my death... really regret not learning how to fly right now. But, on the bright side: I've made some friends (Derpy, Cadance, Fluttershy, and Zecora), fought a dragon (Smaug), discovered that I'm a father, infiltrated Canterlot castle twice on accident, and I've even fended off an Ursa Major and her cub (too bad I'll never get to fulfill my promise to Fluttershy to apologize to the "little" guy).
You begin to smile at all the good memories you remember as your life flashes before your eyes (including one confusing scene where you are hugging a younger looking ex-queen and that image-less crying again...). You then whisper to yourself,
"Not such a bad life, eh?"
Just as your about to close your eyes and accept your death, you see something... a flying blue box?
You silently apologize to lady luck and mutter under your breath,
"No way."
You start waving at the TARDIS like a maniac and screaming,
"Hey, over here, hey listen Doctor, hey HELP ME!"
The TARDIS then begins to come your way, and just as it's about to reach you... it disappears. You stare at where the TARDIS was once at, before your face turns red in anger and you scream,
"ARE YOU BUCKING KIDDING ME! THE ONE THING THAT CAN BUCKING SAVE ME AT THIS MOMENT HAS TO BUCKING DISAPPEAR RIGHT AS THEY ARE ABOUT TO BUCKING SAVE ME. GAHHHHHHHHH, BUCK YOU LADY LUCK, BUCK YOU TO THE END OF TIME AND/OR TO MY SOON-TO-BE DEATH. YOU HEAR ME YOU STUPID BUCKING EXCUSE FOR A GODDESS!!!"
You start to breath deeply and you start to calm down. You decide that the best course of action is to think of someway to save you from becoming the world's first buggy pancake.
...
*ding*
IDEA!
wait a sec didn't the changelings in the canterlot attack use there magic to slam into the ground, and not get hurt. So use that to save your self from becoming a pancake. and you might want to do it away from the town, so they don't think you attacking them.
Cast your barrier spell and when you hit the ground, you start bouncing around the town wrecking stuff.
Changelings normally have a ground-slam attack to reduce fall damage, but you weren't paying attention in assault class (during the Canterlot Invasion, you slammed into an inconveniently-placed cabbage cart which led to that one Royal Guardspony slipping on one of the cabbages and smashing headfirst into a bakery which in turn led to you briefly stuffing yourself on those delicious cakes and pies and cooki- Wait, you're getting off topic)
You cast your shield spell, then impact the ground. Your shield takes the impact,
You remember how changelings back at the hive were supposed to attend a week-long Assault class in order to learn how to form a magical barrier around themselves in order to perform a dive-bomb attack that would not hurt them on impact. Sadly, you skipped school that week in favor of watching over some foals in Canterlot (you were undercover as a babysitter at the time because those foals had the latest Assassins Creed game). Actually, since you didn't know how to fly, they had to catapult you during the invasion which resulted in you crashing into an inconveniently-placed cabbage cart (and you swore you heard someling scream "MY CABBAGES!" upon impact) which led to that one Royal Guardspony slipping on one of the cabbages and smashing headfirst into a bakery which in turn led to you briefly stuffing yourself on those delicious cakes and pies and cooki- Wait, you're getting off topic here.
What if I used my force field spell instead of whatever spell they used during the invasion... yeah that just might work! You think to yourself in a confident tone.
Wait... what if the impact ruins my awesome coat! I don't what to ruin my awesome coat!With that thought in mind, you somehow manage to take off your awesome coat and you put it into 'The Inventory' in mid-plummet. With a deep breath, you put up your force field and brace for impact...
suddenly the symbol that was on your cheast started glowing and a golden glow surrounded you makeing you fall 10 times faster. stupid lady luck.
Suddenly, the symbol on your chest begins to glow a midnight color and you start to fall ten times faster! You start to panic but somehow manage to keep your force field up. Unfortunately, your landing zone changes from a open field to (sadly for you) an alley in the western town.
Why do I get the feeling that this symbol is in league with Lady Luck...
*CRASH*
IN THE ALLY
and you go find a corner so you can check the Inventory to make sure nothing fell out when you lost it. While you're at it, you also take a look at your list of the skills you currently have.
Luckily, one of your ideas worked for once! You manage to not get a single scratch on you (again, for once)! You decide that since your impact kicked up a cloud of concealing dust, now would be a good time to take a quick inventory check. You have:
"Royal Canterlot Voice For Dummies" book "How to be A Gentle Colt 101" book All Six Sherclop Holmes Novels and all fifty-six short stories "Stun Spells and You" book Brown pouch with no Bits in it "Kung-Fu For Dummies" book Nightshade "Long Term Communication Spells For Advanced Unicorns" book List of all your powers and spells Note with your debt to The Doctor Your awesome coat of shadows Nightshades picture of you
And you also decide to check/update your list of spells and powers, you have...
Royal Canterlot Voice "Fus Ro Dah" shout "No Shadow Kick" attack Stun spell Force Field spell (can now use on reflex) Teleport spell Advanced Healing (apparently) Shape Shifting Transformation spell "Falcon Punch" attack "Shoryuken" attack
You're about to take your awesome coat back out of The Inventory, but...
When you pick yourself up off the ground, a yellow earth stallion is waiting for you. His grinning face suggests a serious case of lunacy. "Howdy there, stranger! Welcome to AAAAAPLE-LOOSA!" Someone is actually welcoming you? That's a change. He continues, "We ain't never seen one of you changelings before! Heard you boys attacked Canterlot. Had enough of the city life, huh? Can't blame you! Not when you've yet to experience the wonders of wonderful AAAAAPLE-LOOSA! You just keep yourself outta trouble, and we won't have any problems, y'hear?" Something tells you this place might not be so bad. If they don't mind that you're a changeling, now might be a good time to stash the cloak in the inventory. Until you figure out what happened with that outburst in the forest, it might be best to retire the Hooded Offender for a bit. And you're already sweating off what passes for changeling testicles because of the heat.
The dust suddenly clears and you look up and see a Yellow Earth pony stallion wearing a brown stetson and a brown vest grinning at you with a face that suggests a serious case of lunacy,
"Howdy there, stranger! Welcome to AAAAAPPLE-LOOSA!"
So this place is called Appleloosa huh. And someling is actually welcoming me? That's a change.You think in confusion as he continues,
"We ain't never seen one of you changelings before! Heard you boys attacked Canterlot. Had enough of the city life, huh? Can't blame you! Not when you've yet to experience the wonders of wonderful AAAAAPPLE-LOOSA! You just keep yourself outta trouble, and we won't have any problems, y'hear?"
You are about to answer his question when he says,
"Oh where are my manners, my name's Braeburn, what's yours?"
You shake your head at Braeburn's enthusiasm, but then you respond,
"My name's... Bugze. And don't worry, as long as noling here rats me out to the Royal Guard, I'll behave."
Braeburn gives you a big smile before saying,
"Don't worry pardner, Appleloosa is a town of second chances! Nopony here will ever rat ya out, I promise!"
You can't help but smile at that and think,
Something tells me that this place might not be so bad after all. If they don't mind the fact that I'm a changeling, then now might be a good time to keep my awesome coat in the inventory. Until I figure out what happened with that incident in the forest, it might be best to retire the 'Hooded Offender' thing for a bit.
And with that thought in mind, your life in Appleloosa begins...
8 WEEKS LATER
You decide to get a job (or few, maybe an "odds-and-ends" kind of "job" as you deliver things, put up signs, sweep floors, keep a lookout for buffalo, and other odd jobs to earn some bits (and repair anything you may have broken with your clumsiness)) You remember something your grandbuggy told you... Bugze, any changeling worth his salt can do half the household chores with just three things: a can of WD-40, vise-grips, and a roll of duct tape. Now help me tape this rocket to this here sledgehammer So you decide to buy those three things as soon as you get some bits and the store conveniently has a sale for those three items with the WD-40 and Duct tape being jumbo-sized
Life in Appleloosa has been great! Sure, the newest wanted posters for "The Hooded Offender" added "fraud, animal cruelty, and assaulting the Elements of Harmony" to the charges in addition to a more reasonable (but still pretty high) bounty and there's alot of hard work doing odd jobs here and there for the past couple of weeks, like putting up signs, keeping a lookout for buffalo, the one time you judged a mild west dance (the less said about that disaster the better...), or sweeping old man Muffin's porch, but you're mainly known around town as "The Patcher": If someling needs something patched, then you're the bug to call.
You got that nickname because after you received your first ever Appleloosan paycheck (minus deductions from everything you accidentally broke with your bad luck and clumsiness), you saw that the hardware store was having a sale and you suddenly remembered something your grandbuggy told you...
@$$#%, any changeling worth his salt can do half the household chores with just three things: a can of WD-40, vise-grips, and a roll of duct tape. Now help me tape this rocket to this here sledgehammer.
The rest of the memory becomes fuzzy and causes your downstairs to sting (you figure it must be one of those "traumatic repressed memories") so you decided to stop dwelling any further into it(*)and buy those three things (fortunately the sale led to you acquiring a jumbo-sized can of WD-40 and a jumbo-sized roll of duct tape in addition to the vice grips). Those three items soon proved their worth as you still manage to occasionally accidentally break things with your clumsiness and your patching up of those things led to ponies asking/hiring you to patch up more stuff for them. Whenever anyling in town ask why you always carry WD-40, vice-grips, and duct tape around with you, you would always say something like,
"Every problem in the world can be fixed with one of two things; If it moves and it shouldn't: duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should: WD-40." "I don't believe in a lot of things, but I do believe in duct tape." "Guns make you dumb. If at all possible, fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart." (You know gun's aren't real, but the line sounded cool at the time)
And that's how you became known as "The Patcher". You even bought your own hat that looks like the 11th Doctor's stetson (you fanbugged over it for a while when you first saw it before proceeding to buy it). You've worn it every day that you've been in Appleloosa. Best of all, noling here cares that you're a changeling! They treat you like everypony else and it's awesome! You even took Nightshade out a few times (disguised as a unicorn filly version of herself and she mostly sleeps in 'The Inventory' when noling is looking), but her appetite drains quite a few of your bits every time you did (except for that one time Nightshade entered the local annual pie-eating contest and... lets just say your daughter was accused of cheating when she finished all 169 pies... in ten seconds flat... and still whined that she was still hungry...)
"Hey! Bugze come on over here. Got somepony you'll might what to meet!"
You smile when you hear him say that. Even though his enthusiasm and your clumsiness still cause you guys to occasionally get on each others' nerves, you and Braeburn have been best-friends since you got here. He's even letting you bunk at his place until you have enough Bits to buy your own place (you have 78 Bitsat the moment). You transform into a brown earth pony (even though Appleloosa kept its promise to keep your changeling-ness a secret, you can't risk letting anyling passing through know that you're a changeling) and begin to walk over to where Braeburn called you over.
When you get over to where Braeburn called you over. He smiles and says,
"Bugze, meet my cousin Applejack. Applejack, meet my bestest best friend: Bugze the Patcher."
You reach out your hoof and say,
"Howdy ther-*ack*!"
You stop dead in your tracks when you see that Braeburn's cousin, Applejack, is actually APPLEJACK! You also see that Fluttershy, Twilight (who looks really upset for some reason), and Rarity are here as well. You look at Applejack face and see... no rage and just confusion?
Maybe that 'changeling-detecting' spell wore off... You think to yourself in hopefully...
as your staring at applejack in fear you reilise the absolute danger your in 1 being a changeling, 2 a changeling NOT with a hive, 3 being a changeling NOT in your former queens hive (you prayed that they wouldn't try to find and kill you considering hives kill lose ends that could give vital information) 3 being equestria most wanted, 4 owing a timeloard hundreds of bits, and 5 offending the bucking royal princess and the elements of harmony..... yeah your basically relieving Pony's Row 2 only your not capable of mass murder
As you're staring at Applejack in pure terror, you start to think of how much danger you're in,
Let's see: I'm a changeling, I'm a rogue changeling without a hive, my ex-hive is wanted for attempted overthrow of the local superpower (not to mention my ex-hive tends to "tie up" loose ends *shiver*), I'm Equestria's most wanted (well my persona is, at least), I'm in debt with a TIMELORD (not just that but of all the Timelords out there (which is what? two?) I'm in debt with the stinking Doctor) Oh, and let's not forget that I practically spat in the faces of the SUN-AND-MOON-CONTROLLING Princesses and I almost ended five innocent (although admittedly very rude) mares!
You can't help but put on a deadpanned face and think in a deadpanned tone,
Yeah, I'm basically relieving "Pony's Row 2", only I don't have the option of going on a massive killing spree with a huge arsenal of weapons.
Applejack gives you a suspicious look and asks,
"What's with the face pardner?"
You realize that you made the deadpanned face in front of Applejack! You're about to freak out again, when...
She may have called you varmint, tried to kill you on several occasion, but all your live you have believed in the saying your grand pappy told you "forgive and forget, but always sleep with a knife and with one eye open!" he would say with a twinkle in his eye, as he crawled back under his rock whispering "never to careful." at the end of each of your visits. You always love to visit pappy. But from his talks with you, you know what the right thing to do, so you look Applejake right in the eye and say "well Howdy it's mighty nice meeting ya!" giving he a firm hoof shake. But you also look to the corner of your vision to see a bottle just near by, just in case you need something sharp. "Never to careful." Your grand pappy's word echo through your head, you shiver.
You clear your throat and pound your chest. "Ahem, dang cough! Er...sorry partner. What Ah MEANT to say was...Howdy! Nice to meet ya, Applejack, a pony Ah have definitely never heard of in mah life, um...hey there. Uh...Ah see ya have a Stetson. Ah like Stetsons...Stetsons are cool" you say in a well done southern accent
You suddenly get another flashback of your grandbuggy. It's during one of your secret visits (your grandbuggy had to escape the hive after an incident involving tinfoil hats, a public outburst, and 5 tons of gummy ursas). You were telling him about how that big jerk of a bug named Brad would make fun of you due to the fact that you can't fly and grandbuggy would always tell you the same thing,
"Forgive and forget, but always sleep with a knife in hoof and one eye open!" He would say with a twinkle in his eye, as he crawled back under his exile rock whispering,
"Never too careful..." at the end of each of your visits.
Your grandbuggy was always rather... "eccentric", but you still loved to visit him and from his talks you knew the (more-or-less) right thing to do. Applejack may have tried to kill you on several occasions and keeps calling you a varmint, but all your life you have always (again, more-or-less) believed in that saying (plus you DID kinda tried to help take over her country's capital, accidentally assaulted her friends, almost blasted her with a ball of rage-and-despair-fueled death, etc.). So you look at her with an apologetic smile and you pretend to clear your throat and pound your chest before saying,
"Ahem, dang*cough*! Er... sorry partner. What ah meant to say was... Howdy! Nice to meet ya, Applejack, a pony Ah have definitely never heard of in mah life, um... hey there. Uh... Ah see ya have a Stetson. Ah like Stetsons...Stetsons are cool" you say in a well-done (but nervous) southern accent.
The corner of your vision occasionally skirts to a nearby broom just in case you need to bonk some ponies on the head.
"Never too careful..."
Your grandbuggy's words echo through your head causing you to shiver.
Braeburn seems to notice your shiver and asks,
"Bugze, pardner, you okay? That was one mighty strong shiver." You're about to tell Braeburn that you're fine, when...
You remember that your changeling disguise spell always deactivates at the worst possible moment so you can't rely on that for long.
You suddenly remember that your disguise spell always deactivates at the worst possible moment! Even worse, you can feel the spell is about to wear off!
I need to think of something, fast! If these ponies discover that I'm a changeling, not only would I lose a place that I can now call home, but I would also get captured by the Royal Guard for sure! My gut tells me that Twilight is a big blabber mouth who can't keep a secret for long before she blurts it out to someling! You think to yourself in a panicked tone.
Come on Bug brain think, think, THINK... *ding*I got it! You think to yourself in a happy tone. You look over to Braeburn and say,
"You know what, it's kinda... chilly out here! Yeah, I'm gonna go back to the house and get my coat. Why don't you take Applejack and her friends on a tour of Appleloosa, I'll catch up with ya later."
Braeburn gives you a big smile and says,
"That's a great idea pardner! Let's a go ponies!"
And with that, Braeburn literally shoves them away before they could protest. You smile at Braeburn's enthusiasm and it's a good thing he shoved them along when he did, cause your disguise just dropped. You sigh in relief and start to run towards an alleyway. You wave and say high to all the ponies you run by, and they return with their own "hi" or wave. You finally get to the alley and you duck into it. You then think about your awesome coat and you pull it out of The Inventory. You put it on and say to yourself,
"It's time for stealth mode, it's time for... The return of The Hooded Offender!"
You are about to go and teleport away from Appleloosa for awhile (or at least until the mares have left) when...
As soon as you can, you put your awesome hooded coat back on, but a few moments later you remember that "The Hooded Offender" is still EQUESTRIA'S MOST WANTED (You are not the brightest changeling). Fortunately, you trip and fall into a mud puddle which turns your coat brown (and you suddenly feel the need to say "Gorram" instead of "Stinking" or "Goddamn" and say "Shiny" instead of "Cool") before anyone notices.
You just remember that the Hooded Offender is still EQUESTRIA'S MOST WANTED!
I am really not the brightest changeling out there, am I?You think to yourself in an annoyed/hopeless tone. While you were thinking you don't notice where you're going and you fall into a huge mud pit. It covers your awesome coat from head to hoof in brown. You grumble in anger and say,
"Of course! The ONE time I put this on in Appleloosa, I get it covered in gorram mud!"
You briefly reflect on the word you just used and realize that you now have the need to say "Gorram" instead of "Stinking" and to say "Shiny" instead of "Cool". You just shrug your shoulders and sigh,
"Well maybe now with this browncoat, I can meet up with Braeburn and not get caught. Shiny." You say to yourself in a hopeful voice. But there's still the chance of Applejack or the other mares finding out it's you. So...
What do you do?
(FIXED) Episode 49: How Come I Didn't Know About This!?!
You've tried everything with these six. You tried to help them; you've saved their lives multiple times, and saved three of their little sisters. But then the orange one continually hurls unprompted insults at you and outright tries to murder you where you were found; the yellow one refuses to listen to you even when your daughter is in mortal danger, and turns on you; the rainbow one mocks you and strikes you when you're down; the white one is an ungrateful monster who continually threatens to make you into her next pincushion; the purple one hits below the belt by disabling your magic so you can't defend yourself and flys into a murderous rage when the one pony in town who carED for you crys for your sake, and the pink one is so annoying she could drive you to insanity. Your grandbuggy's advice is not going to apply here. Either learn to keep away from them, or refuse to talk to them until they are begging for your forgiveness. Even then, there's no reason to trust them; just find out what business they have here and make them leave as soon as possible. You can't trust any of them. Just avoid them.
You can't help but think in an angry tone,
I've tried everything with these mares! I try to help them. I save their lives multiple times and how do they repay me?.
Rainbow Dash mocks me and strikes me when I'm down, Rarity threatens to make me into her next pincushion, Twilight hits below the belt by disabling my magic so I can't defend myself and Nightshade and she even went into a murderous rage and blasted me across Equestria over a misunderstanding (to be fair, I don't think I should complain that much about that considering that I kinda did what she accused me of), Applejack continually hurls unprompted insults at me and outright tries to murder me on sight, and Pinkie Pie... well that hyperactive mare just freaks me out to be honest.
Well, at least I still have Fluttershy, you think with your tone beginning to soften. I better stop thinking like that before I end up hurling another giant doom ball at them.
You don't think your grandbuggy's advice is gonna cut it here, but you remember another piece of advice he told you...
Listen here, @%^^#%, if someling wants to kill you, no matter what they try to do to ya. Remember this, there is always a motive to murder, so if you don't know what it is, FIND OUT!
After he said that he began dance like a crazed miner while laughing like a maniac. Ahhhhhh... you always loved your visits to your grandbuggy, even if most of your traumatic repressed memories come from said visits. You glare in determination and say to yourself,
"Okay, first I'm gonna find out why those mares always think I'm a bad guy even after all the times I've saved them. Then, after that, I'm gonna avoid them like how I avoid parties." (Long story involving a prank gone wrong. There was super glue, ducks, and fire... lots and lots of fire).
You nod your head in agreement with your plan, and you begin to gallop where Braeburn usually is around this time with his tours...
The cliff over looking the apple fields
15 SECONDS LATER
While you are galloping you suddenly realize something,
Wait a minute, even if my awesome coat is now brown, my hood still covers my face in darkness! They would be able to tell I was The Hooded Offender just by the fact that they can't see my face! I better do something about that...
With that thought in mind, you go into the nearest clothing store. A minute later, you walk out with your hood down, your favorite stetson on your buggy head, and a orange bandanna wrapped around your snout. The only things visible are your changeling-blue eyes and some of your orange mane coming out of your stetson (if you couldn't tell, you really like the color orange).
You're about to continue galloping to where Braeburn (and hopefully the mares) is when you see a bunch of the townsfolk loading pies into crates marked 'ammo'. You wonder why they are doing that, when you get the sudden urge to...
Nightshade eats all of the apple pies at some point.
Let Nightshade eat all those pies. You don't know why, but your gut tells you it will save you some trouble in the future.
Well... my gut's pretty reliable (figuratively and literally, changelings can eat even the stalest and slightly rotten foods), so might as well follow it.
With that thought in mind, you run into a nearby ally and you gently take Nightshade out.
"Hey sweetie, time to wake up." You whisper to Nightshade in a loving tone.
Nightshade opens her eyes and yawns in a adorable fashion and says,
"Yes daddy *yawn* is breakfast ready yet?"
She looks at you with the sleepy puppy dog eyes and you smile at her adorableness and say,
"Yes sweetie, you see all those pies over there?"
You point to where the townsfolk are loading pies into the boxes marked 'ammo'.
"Yeah, what about them daddy?" Nightshade asks in a confused tone.
"Well sweetie, all those pies are for you." You say to your daughter in a happy tone.
"REALLY!?" Nightshade says and she begins to jump up and down in excited happiness.
You smile at her energy and say, "Eyup" (Somewhere in Ponyville a big red stallion says "Why do i get the feeling somepony's using mah catchphrase?") "All you got to do is not get caught while your eating them, okay?"
Nightshade nods her head in excitement. You use the transformation spell to turn her into her into the unicorn version of herself. You nod your head in satisfaction and say,
"Eat up kid."
Before you could even finish that, Nightshade bolts off and dives into one of the crates. You smile at her appetite and you return to galloping towards where Braeburn is... hopefully.
12 MINUTES LATER
You catch up to Braeburn and the rest as they look over the apple orchard and Applejack and her friends tell him about their run-in with the buffalo. Hearing about this, you have to ask "Wait, what Buffalo? I've been here for like 8 gorram weeks and never heard of this before."
You manage to catch up with the others at the cliff that over looks the apple fields. You get there just when Braeburn finished standing on his back legs and saying "AAAAAPLE-LOOSA!"
Yeah he likes to do that... alot.
When you get over to them, Twilight looks at you suspiciously and asks,
"Is there something wrong with your eyes?"
Before you can answer, Braeburn chimes in,
"Don't pay that no mind, Bugze just has an eye condition." (In keeping his promise not to rat you out, Braeburn often helps make up excuses to out-of-towners to help hide the fact that you're a changeling)
Applejack then tries to say,
"Brae-"
"First harvest should be any day now!" Braeburn says, cutting off Applejack completely. Applejack gets an annoyed look on her face before trying to say again...
"Brae-"
"Good thing too." Braeburn cuts off Applejack... again. Applejack gets even more annoyed, and she tries... again
"Brae-"
"We need that grub to live on." Braeburn interrupts Applejack... again! Applejack looks like she's about to explode. Deciding you should save Braeburn from his cousin, you slap him in the back of his head lightly before you give a nervous chuckle and say,
"Heh heh... sorry about Braeburn and his yap. Once you get him talking about Appleloosa, it's hard to get him to shut up. Anyway... you were saying something?"
Braeburn glares at you but then turns to listen to Applejack. Applejack mouths "thank you" to you before explaining that apparently a group of buffalo have kidnapped a person named Spike and... an Apple tree? And apparently Rainbow want after them and Pinkie is now missing. Braeburn looked shocked when she mentions the buffalo, and he goes and explains how the buffalo want to get rid of the town's primary food source. You look at him in confusion and say,
"Wait, wait, WAIT! What Buffalo? I've been here for like 8 gorram weeks and never heard of this before."
The ponies look at you strangely at the word you said, and Braeburn just ignores you as he heads back to town.
Fine, don't tell! I'll go find out for myself! You think to yourself in a annoyed tone. As you are about to go and ask someling if they know were the buffalo camp is, you overhear a whispering conversation between Twilight and Rarity...
Twilight finally mentions her "changeling mind-control" theory (which explains why the CMC and Fluttershy (and later, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie) didn't clear Bugze's name).
"...I'm telling you Rarity, that changeling has some sort of mind control spell to make ponies like him. That way, he can easily access an endless supply of love! It's also how he tricked you, Fluttershy, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and who knows how many other ponies into thinking that he's saved them."
So that's why they won't respect or befriend me, they think I have some sort of 'mind-control spell' to control ponies... that's just stupid. You think to yourself in a deadpanned tone.
Rarity replies to Twilight,
"Well Twilight, darling, if that's the case, then why can't we just warn everypony that the Hooded Offender (who has a tacky taste in wardrobe) is a mind-controlling changeling?"
"Because (as I've said before) Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and even my BBBFF have faced off against this Hooded Offender. There's no way that they couldn't have known that he's a changeling so they must have a very important reason for keeping that detail off of all the wanted posters. So you and the others must continue to keep the fact that the Hooded Offender is a changeling a secret
Well that explains why the wanted posters never bring up the fact that I'm a changeling. (*) And my coat is not tacky! You think before deciding it's time to find that buffalo camp.
6 HOURS LATER
You finally found the Buffalo camp after you got lost in the desert for the past six hours. Apparently the camp is right next to Appleloosa (go figure) Your on the outskirts of the camp and you have no idea as to what you should do.
OK that camp looks pretty big and there weren't nearly enough hay bails to hide in so how where you going to get in? Being detected wouldn't be worth the 10% of info you where going to get (you being the LEAST observant changeling in existence the one thing drones where soppose to be) but what you DID needneed was ways to sabatoge them, tilt the odds in your, and more importantly the pony's, favor but how? Those buffalo would ki- no they'd DESTROY you so you being the flawless master of stealth you are, you use the simplest spell all drones know at magic kindergarten.(except you you'd learned it in an embarrassing tutoring session and that spell still drained you dry so you diddint use it much.) "Zoom" (incresses vision like whereing a pair of bonoculers. Also gives info about objects and living things in feild of vision also puts user in a calmer,more focused state of mind for the duration of the spell.) observe the scene.... Hmm.... No large brushes.... Impossible to blend...... No trees..... Some guy was suffering from sleep deprivation..... Place may as well be the royal prison.
You decide that the first thing you should do is to scope out the camp for a way in without being spotted by any of the buffalo. As you begin to look at the camp in more detail, you realize two things,
1. There is a surprisingly low number of hay bales and cacti for you to hide in and behind which is surprising because you're in a desert. And, if all those old western films you used to secretly watch back at the hive (ahhhh the good old days where you would secretly watch great films like Iron Mare, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Foal, and Mares in Black while not being hunted by every living thing on the planet) are right, then there should be a ton of hay bales and cacti nearby . Well, I guess you really can't believe everything they show in movies after all. You think to yourself in a deadpanned tone.
2. You realize as you scope out the camp is... that the camp is huge! And by huge you mean HUGE! If you didn't know any better, you would have to say that the camp was even bigger then Appleloosa.
How could I have miss this camp for so gorram long. What am I, a senile old blind deaf bug?!?! You think to yourself in annoyance.
Even if you can get into the camp undetected, it would take you hours just to find this "Spike" pony and the apple tree...
You just realize how stupid it is that you're risking your flank and your cover from the the mares, for a GORRAM APPLE TREE!
I swear if it weren't for the fact that this "Spike" pony and all of Appaloosa could be in danger I sooooo wouldn't be doing this. You think to yourself in annoyance.
You also decide to try and find out any information could help settle the pony/buffalo conflict peacefully. You aren't the brightest changeling, but you do know that common sense math says:
1 Big buffalo + 1 Little pony = 1 Dead pony
So maybe finding out the reason why the buffalo want to get rid of the main food supply in Appleloosa could help find a way to make a peace agreement between the two groups. Suddenly, you remember one of the few spells every self respecting drone learns in magic kindergarten *shiver* (Not the best year of your life). You, sadly, were the only bug in the class that had be taught by a tutor because you kept messing up the spells. The spell you just remembered drains your magic like crazy and leaves you with a headache, so you don't use it often (you don't use so often that you eventually forgot about it completely). If you remember correctly, the spell was called "Zoom" and it's supposed to increase the vision of someling like they were wearing a pair of binoculars. Sustain it long enough, and it's supposed to give you info about objects and living things in your field of vision and it also puts you in a calmer and more focused state of mind for about ten minutes or until you cancel the spell.
It's also supposed to be a incantation spell too, ugh what was it... oh yeah! You think to yourself in a excited tone as you remember the incantation. You breath in deeply and you close your eyes before you begin to chant the spell,
Give me the sight of an hawk
Give me the sight of an eagle
Show me what others can't stalk
Give me the power of... ZOOM!
As you finish the incantation, you feel your eyes become more powerful. You also feel a huge drain of your magic and you also feel the start of a mega headache (which you haven't felt since that hangover caused by that time you accidentally chugged down a whole barrel filled with a mixture of wine, whisky, beer, vodka, rum, gin, and tequila because you accidentally ate a bag of Mareolina Reaper peppers because you were at that party because you accidentally- Man, you have ALOT of "accidentally"-s in your life...). You slowly open your eyes to see... that the spell actually worked! You feel as weak as a, well... bug, but hey it worked!
Relearned Zoom
You use your newly enhanced vision to investigate the camp even further. Being the stealth master that you think you are, you think of everything you see and of any possible ways in...
Let's see... Some brushes: too small to hide in though... No trees at all, no duh considering this is a desert. Not enough cacti for me to run between without being spotted... Oh, a poor sap suffering from sleep deprivation. And- Hey are those three watching the new Pony-formers movi- NO! FOCUS BUGZE! Let's look over he-OH SWEET LUNA NO! GET A ROOM YOU SAVAGES! ARGH MY EYES, THEY BURN!
What you see is inpony, disgusting, and disturbing. What those two buffalo are doing should have them locked in the dungeon! They're... They're... THEY'RE PICKING THEIR NOSES! IN PUBLIC!!!
"Savages..." you mutter after you manage to divert your eyes from the horrific scene. After a few more minutes of scanning, you finally found what you're looking for...
You see Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and a little dragon surrounded by buffalo. You see your plan of attack in your mind's eye: a No Shadow Kick to the chief to knock him out of action, followed by a Shoryuken to the little one standing next to him. When you're in the air, you charge up your force field spell in the hope that it will duplicate your rapid descent when you arrived in Appleloose, creating a dust cloud large enough for the ponies and dragon to dash out of the circle while you heroically hold off the remaining buffalo. This plan goes out the window when you see two buffalo crash into each other skull-first at top speed and burst out in laughter, brohoofing each other.
You see Rainbow, Pinkie, a... baby dragon? (Spike you guess), and the apple tree surrounded by buffalo. From how their mouths are moving, they appear to be talking to each other. You begin to plan out your strategy for saving them.
First, I'll 'No Shadow Kick' the chief looking buffalo. Then, I'll follow up with a 'Shoryuken' to the little one standing next to him. While I'm in the air, I'll charge up my force field spell and hopefully my impact will duplicate my rapid descent when I arrived in Appleloosa, creating a dust cloud large enough for the ponies and dragon to dash out of the circle while I heroically hold off the remaining buffalo.Yep, that's defiantly a foolproof plan!
You nod your head in agreement with the plan you thought up and are about to deactivate Zoom to initiate it, when you see something that crushes your plan into tiny pieces and then proceeds to throw your plan into a fire pit.
You see two buffalo run at each at other at (what you think is) full speed and smash into each other, skull-first. You expected them to faint from fracturing their skulls or even just fall over dead, but they just get back up, laugh at their little display, and then proceeded to brohoof each other. You feel an anime sweat drop begin to fall off your face and your eye starts to twitch in fear.
On second thought, let's stick with stealth. You think to yourself in fear.
You are just about to give up on infiltrating the camp, when...
So you decide that it's best to stealth it up. Just then you notice the cardboard box from Metal Gear right next to you, only it's now a wooden crate. (Metal Gear: Wild west?)
Welp your grand buggy always said "if stuff that makes sense don't work do something incredibly stupid!" Hmm crazey enough to work.... What's the dummest thing you could do without being spotted...... Hey Is that a box?
You remember some more advice from your grandbuggy,
"If stuff that makes sense don't work, then do something incredibly stupid! Now help me duck tape this here badger to the inside of this here cookie jar before the queeine gets back. And don't forget the gummy ursas this time!"
Ahhhh good times. It was also one of your best pranks yet (let's just say you ex-queen didn't know what hit her). But, back to the task at hoof. Your grandbuggy's advice might just work.
What's the stupidest thing I could do without getting spotted... You ponder.
As you ponder, you suddenly spot an old wooden crate that looks almost exactly like the cardboard box from Metal Gear. You then get a brightly stupid idea that just might be dumb enough to work.
What the hay, it worked in the past (I think), it should work now... I hope.
You depower your Zoom (giving you a slight headache due to the magic exhaustion) and you quickly scurry to the crate.
24 MINUTES LATER
The crate was a little broken, but after the application of some duct tape (you yelped like a filly when you found an angry Scorpion underneath the crate, but one panic-spray of WD-40 made the evil little bastard scurry off) it was good to go. So far, you've been able to sneak past almost every patrol without being seen (a few close calls, but nothing to worry about. Although you did REALLY have to resist the urge to beat one buffalo senseless with your vise-grips when you overheard him claim that The Last Spellbender movie was superior to the series). Finally, you see your targets. Rainbow looks as stubborn and hostile as ever, Pinkie is... well Pinkie (for some reason that explanation makes sense to you), Spike is chanting with some buffalo, and the tree... well it's a tree. Unless someling wanted to become a tree and that's why Applejack is so worried about the tree because it's actually a pony...
It would be really funny in a buffalo decides to sit on the crate while Bugzy is sneaking around. "Hey, get off my crate!" [!] "Umm... I mean... pay no attention to the magic, talking crate. This is not the crate you're looking for."
A buffalo decides to sit on the crate that you are hiding in. You sigh in annoyance and say,
"Hey, get off my crate!"
You hear the buffalo gasp in shock and he must have gotten off of you cause you can move again, but then you realize you may have just blown your cover! In a desperate way to maintain stealth, you quickly say,
"Umm... I mean... pay no attention to the magic, talking crate! This isn't the crate you're looking for."
You say the last part while waving your hoof in the air, You actually hear Pinkie repeat,
"This isn't the crate we're looking for."
You are actually about to sight in relief, thinking that you got away with it, when your crate is suddenly lifted up off of you!
You look up to see the chief buffalo holding the crate! You laugh nervously and cough into your sleeve before quickly blurting out...
You match in saying, "Ah wanna know what's up with this whole gorram thing! Why are yew angry wit Braeburn and the rest of Appleoosa?"
"Uh... How!"
I think that's the traditional Buffalo greeting if those movies are correct. Stupid Bug! The Metal Gear box didn't work last time, what made you think now would be any different! you think to yourself in nervousness then anger at yourself.
"Ah wanna know what's up with this whole gorram thing! Why are ya'll angry wit Braeburn and the rest of Appleoosa?"
...
Just silence. They are just giving you blank looks. You have no idea as to what you should do. So you hope that an idea comes to ya soon...
Let's see, you're surrounded by a dragon, a crazy pony, a possible fillyfooler with anger issues, and a herd of huge buffalo...
If all else fails, do what any sane, professional, fearless changeling would do... "OH LUNA! PLEASE DON'T SCALP ME AND CUT OUT MY HEART IN THE NAME OF YOUR NATURE SPIRITS OR CHAIN ME TO A SLOT MACHINE IN ONE OF YOUR CASINOS AND FORCE ME TO GAMBLE AWAY ALL MY BITS!!!" you blurt out in a panic as you throw your arms over your head (That probably sounded REALLY species-ist, but you're too terrified to think straight and are just falling back on the stereotypes you've seen in the movies)
They all just keep staring at you with blank looks, even Pinkie is giving you a blank look (you didn't even think that mare was even capable of any emotion outside of cheer). Noling has blinked since you were discovered and it's starting to become really creepy...
Is this some form of saying hello or something? You think to yourself in confusion, but then a dark realization hits you...
Wait... I'm surrounded by a crazy pony who can bend the laws of reality, a possible pegasus fillyfooler with severe anger issues, a herd of huge buffalo who headbutt each other for fun, and a gorram dragon!
In this situation, you do what any sane, professional, fearless changeling would do,
"OH LUNA! HAVE MERCY ON ME NOBLE SAVAGES! PLEASE DON'T SCALP ME AND CUT OUT MY HEART IN THE NAME OF YOUR NATURE SPIRITS OR CHAIN ME TO A SLOT MACHINE IN ONE OF YOUR CASINOS AND FORCE ME TO GAMBLE AWAY ALL MY BITS!!!" you blurt out in a panic as you get down on the ground and throw your arms over your head.
You peek out of your hooves and now see that EVERYONE now has really REALLY angry glares on their faces and you hear angry muttering from the Buffalo,
"Species-ist."
"I call his spleen. *cracks neck*"
"Why don't we have a casino again?"
"Darn it, No Tact! The chief looking buffalo said "We weren't going to discuss that anymore since the last time we did, it ended in a free-for-all!"
You think to yourself in a panic,
Gorramit movie stereotypes! Because of you, I just angered a small army of savag-. I mean. Buffalo and possibly made the situation with Appleloosa worse! I need to find a way to diffuse this situation, ASAP!!!
...
*ding*
So everyone is looking at Bugzy and he has no idea why? Staring contest! Go! *Half an hour later* Bugzy: "Well... this is awkward. Is there something on my face?"
With the buffalo all giving you furious glares, you say,
"Okay, I am really really really really REALLY sorry about that outburst. Especially the whole "noble savages" thing. I mean, I never saw a Buffalo in person before so westerns are all I got to go on. I'm pretty sure ya'll are all nice civilized creatures who don't rip out ponies's hearts or force them to gamble in casinos."
Sensing that you're probably still making things worse, you think quickly for another plan. *ding*You close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say,
"Uhhhhh... STARING CONTEST! GO!" You open your eyes at that last part at Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow looks at you in shock before getting a determined look on her face and she begins to stare you down as well. With Rainbow's ego and Bugze's determination,this is gonna take awhile sooooo...
HALF AN HOUR LATER
You and Rainbow are now surrounded by buffalo. Apparently staring contests weren't a normal thing among Buffalo so it managed to calm them down as they forgot about they're anger at you and are now focusing on the impromptu contest (even Pinkie managed to get a bag of popcorn from out of nowhere and is sharing it with Spike). You hear whispers going around the buffalo raging from "I'm putting my Bits on the cowboy" or "My Bits are on Rainbow".
So they're gambling on a staring contest... Wow. They must have nothing else to do out here besides demanding local towns to give up their main food supply. You think to yourself as you continue to stare down Rainbow.
You notice that she's about to lose it and you can't help but smirk and think,
Ha! Take that you fillyfooler. I stared down a chickzard that could turn you to stone. This is a piece of cake. Mmmm cake... Great, now I want cake.
Finally, Rainbow blinks, and you throw your hooves in the air and you begin to jump up and down in victory. You here a few "Yes!"s, but mostly groans and upset mumbling among the crowd. Apparently, alot of buffalo bet on Rainbow and not you. You are about to ask the chief looking buffalo again about why they are mad at Braeburn and Appleloosa, when you notice that they are all staring at you... again. You laugh awkwardly and say,
"Well... this is awkward. Is there something on my face?" Suddenly, a horrible realization dawns on you...
You still have your hat and bandanna/scarf on, right?
Your stetson and bandanna could have fallen off when you were celebrating your win over Rainbow!
Please please please tell me that my cool stetson and orange bandanna are still on!You think to yourself in a panicked tone.
You quickly check to see if they are still on and, thank Luna, they are. But you can't help but begin to wonder why they are staring at you... again.
Is it my breath, does it smell? No, it's covered by my bandanna so that can't be it. Oh dear Luna no, please don't tell me I'm sweating though my coat!You think to yourself horror.
You quickly lift up your front leg and check to see if you actually did sweat though it. Luckily, seems that you didn't sweat though your awesome coat after all. You then notice a piece of paper next to the chief looking buffalo, and it looks like a important document.
I should probably look at that, but how do I look at it without them knowing... *ding* I know! Time for Plan B.69! With that thought in mind you scream...
Your genius mind develops the most intricate plan in the history of plans. "HEY, LOOK A DISTRACTION!"
"HEY, LOOK A DISTRACTION!"
You point your hoof away from you and the important looking paper when you screamed that. And (like all the times before that) it works! All the buffalo, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Spike(you think that even the gorram apple tree might have turned too) look away from you. Working quickly you snatch the paper and read it as fast as possible, it says...
Plans to get stampede ground back 1. Collect undergarments 2. ??? 3. Profit! 4. Threaten 5. Bribe 6. Blackmail 7. Compromise etc.
The list of plans go on for awhile, but what catches your attention is that all the plans besides plan seven are crossed out. In fact, Plan seven is circled.
The buffalo must have been either convinced or finally decided to go with plan seven. Shiny! Seven is a lucky number! I should tell Braeburn about this. You think to yourself in a excited tone.
You decide that, since the mares and Spike are both unharmed and not behind a cage, they''l be fine and you could leave now. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can tell Braeburn the good news. You gently put the document back where you found it and you begin to tip-toe away. You manage to get a couple of yards (or meters if you follow that system) when you hear something behind you,
"Ahem"
You slowly turn around and see that all eyes are on you again. Now how are you gonna get away...
You look around for a good minuet or two, No one says anything. You feel shiver fly though your body as you remember another saying from your Grand Pappy "When in doubt, sing it out." He whispered to you before saying "Play me off buggy! (Your Uncle buggy he was -if you can remember- was the hives best pianist)" As he danced away from the queen's personally royal guards (who were steaming mad and soaked to the bone wet). You look to Pinkie who gives you a wink, then you look to the chef before saying, "Play me off, Pinkie!" before dancing away(As well Pinkie for some reason has a piano to play you off, Pinkie being Pinkie.).
You laugh nervously as you look around for a good minute or two as noling says anything... AGAIN! *shiver* You feel a shiver fly though your body as you remember another saying from your grandbuggy,
"When in doubt, sing it out." He whispered to you before saying "Play me off @!#$@%!" (Your grandbuggy was-if you remember correctly- the hive's best pianist) and danced away from the queen's personal royal guards (who were steaming mad and covered in melted gummy ursa goop) ahhhhh those where the days.
You decide to follow your grandbuggy's advice, but you can't help but think,
Where am I gonna get a gorram piano?
For some reason when you think that you look at Pinkie, and then... you swear you saw her wink at you. The next thing you know she has a piano and she's looking at you to give her her que. You just decide that this is just Pinkie being Pinkie so you can save yourself a head headache. You look to the chief before throwing a hoof towards Pinkie and saying,
Before dancing away. You dance all the way back to Appleloosa since the buffalo and Rainbow were too confused at the sudden dance number to stop you. Now to find Braeburn...
THE NEXT DAY
You found Braeburn the other day (after picking up Nightshade who you found adorably sleeping in a crate covered in empty pie dishes) and told him about the buffalo's plan for a compromise (over cake and sarsaparilla of course). Braeburn is super happy about the news, and he asked you if you wanted to come with him and the mares to the buffalo camp the next day. You being you, decided to tag along. You, Braeburn, and the mares were about halfway there when you literally bumped into Spike, Rainbow, and Pinkie. Luckily the small buffalo from last night runs over to you and the group before Rainbow could pound you. After some reuniting between the mares, Rainbow Dash says,
"We brought our new pal Little Strongheart here to explain to the Appleloosans why they should move the apple trees off buffalo land."
Braeburn replies, "That information would be quite help–" but Applejack interrupts,
"That's weird. 'Cause my cousin Braeburn here wants to explain to the buffalo why they should let the apple trees stay."
Little Strongheart replies, "That would be a useful thing to–" but Rainbow Dash interrupts her and says,
"The land is theirs! You planted the trees not knowing that. Honest mistake. Now, you just gotta move 'em, that's all."
Applejack argues, "They busted their rumps here! An' now they're supposed ta bust their rumps again, just 'cause some buffalo won't stampede someplace else?"
Rainbow Dash and Applejack start arguing as the others just stare at each other. Maybe you should say something, but you can't help but think...
You snicker and ask if they can save the lover's quarrel for another time. The Death Look you receive almost turns your coat brown for another reason.
You can't help but snicker at Applejack and Rainbow's argument. It reminds you of that one comedy you used to watch secretly at the hive. You forgot the name of it, but (if you remember correctly) it would always make you laugh and you almost got caught because you were laughing so much. So, being the idiotic bug you are, you decide to crack a joke about it,
"Mare, mares, could please save your lovers quarrel for AFTER this problem is settled with."
Cold, unrelentingly silence is all you get from your joke. Applejack and Rainbow slowly turn their heads towards you and... give you a pleasant smile? They then both say at the same time in a creepily pleasant tone,
"What was that?"
Their pleasant tone and creepy smiles begin to unnerve you, but you begin to feel truly terrified when a sudden dark aura appears behind them and a creepy looking mask appears behind them. You start to shake in fear and you feel like you're gonna turn your coat brown for another reason. You stutter out,
"No, nothing, I didn't say a thing."
Rainbow and Applejack nod there heads in approval and the creepy mask and dark aura disappears. They then look at each other and go back to arguing about who's right. You stop shaking and look behind you and see... that everyling else is all right. You can't help but think in shock,
Didn't they see that! How could they not see something so gorram terrifying when it's right in front of them?
You decide that you should just focus on waiting for the argument to die down for now and focus on what just happened later.
23 MINUTES LATER
FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA! THEY'VE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR THE PAST 23 MINUTES!You think to yourself in extreme annoyance.
Their 'argument' has devolved from giving actual reasons why each party needs the land, to just shouting "US" and "THEM" at each other. And it's annoying you to no end! Finally your annoyance reaches its peak when they just start to just scream at each other, so you do what any self respecting citizen would do...
You quietly mutter to the crowd. "Can I say something?" you ask. Everypony turns and stares at you. (Again with the staring) You clear your throat. "SHUT UUUUUUPPPP!!!!!"
"TIME OUT! Why don't we let the two people who ACTUALLY live here discuss this. Perhaps they can come up with a compromise that works for everybody, because that is how diplomacy works."
You go over to the two arguing ponies and mutter,
"Can I say something?"
The two arguing ponies (and everyling else for some reason) stop talking and they begin to stare at you (what is with these ponies (and buffalo) and staring) You mutter a "thank you" before you clear your throat and scream at the top of your lungs...
The ponies (and one buffalo) are surprised by your outburst, but before they can talk back you continue to speak,
"Here's an idea. How about instead of the two ponies who don't live here stop 'discussing' (*you use air quotes here*) about how this problem should be resolved, and instead let's let the pony and buffalo who ACTUALLY live here discuss this. Perhaps they can come up with a compromise that works for everybody, because I'm pretty sure that's how diplomacy gorram works. Shiny?"
Braeburn and Little Strongheart both nod their heads in agreement with your idea, but Applejack and Rainbow just ignore what you said and go back to arguing. You give a annoyed sigh and think,
I didn't want to do this, but you gorram fillyfoolers leave me no choice.
You decide that you have to use emergency plan D-34. You think about the object you need and you pull out...
Step 1. Get duck tape Step 2. duck tape RD and AJs mouths Step 3. hide before they can retaliate!
The duct tape from The Inventory and nod towards Braeburn as you show him the duck tape. He looks shocked at first, but then he nods his head grimly before mouthing to you "Do it" (you also notice that the buffalo mare has noticed your duct tape and also gave a grim nod as well). You nod your head before you run over to the two arguing ponies and doing something that will probably get you killed...
You duct tape their mouths shut. They look at each other in shock and they try to talk but all that comes out is mumbles. You nod your head in victory and say,
"That duct tape should keep your two yaps shut while Braeburn and Little Strongheart make a compromise."
It is then that you realize that you just ducked taped the mouths of the scariest mares you know, so you slowly begin to back away. The two mares give you a glare that would make a dragon wet its pants and you chuckle nervously before... booking it the hay outta there, the two angry mares right on your tail.
1 HOUR LATER
You finally managed to lose the two angry mares by ducking through a thin alley which they got stuck in (you almost got stuck as well, but some WD-40 allowed you to slip away, no pun intended) and then hiding in the Salt Lake Spitoon just to be safe. While you were hiding there, you decide to treat yourself for helping to broker peace by ordering Apple Crisp and "cider, the good stuff" (Sweet Apple Acres cider). After placing your order, a crowd of Appleloosans (including Braeburn and Sheriff Silverstar) come into the saloon and you hear the Sheriff bark to the bartender,
"Bartender, Salt licks and keep em comin! As of tomorrow, we're at war with the buffalo."
You hear gasps from the ponies in the saloon (including yourself) and you ask,
"What happened Braebrun? I thought you and that buffalo mare were gonna make a compromise!"
"We were, but then Pinkie started singing a terrible musical number. Fortunately, the stage fell apart halfway into her number (nice job patching the stage a few weeks ago, Bugze), but the damage was already done and now both sides are gonna go to war."
Having lost your appetite, you decide to change your order to "Shirley Temple, extra syrup" . After changing your order, you mutter to yourself,
"War... war never changes."
COUPLE OF MINUTES LATER
You finish and pay for your drink (*75 Bits left*), leave the saloon in sadness, and are about to walk away towards Braeburn's place when the saloon doors bursts open and...
Sheriff Silverstar gets drunk on salt licks and leads the town in a musical number.
"What can you expect from filthy large heathens? Here's what ya'll get when species are diverse! Their furs are really brown, they're only good when down They're vermin, as I said and worse!"
Suddenly a bunch a Appleoosans start to sing as well, and what they're singing ain't exactly tolerant...
"They're savages! Savages!"
Silverstar then drunkenly climbs on a nearby table and he continues to sing...
"Ain't even ponies."
The Appleloosans start to grab pies and catapults (apparently Nightshade only ate half of the pies) while singing...
"Savages! Savages!"
Sliverstar stumbles down from the table and starts to walk around pointing at other ponies and singing...
"Drive them from our town! They ain't like you and me, which means they might be evil. We must sound them drums of war!"
As soon as he said that a pony starts to play the drums in a war like fashion and the Appleloosans continue to sing...
"They're savages! Savages! Dirty furry devils"!
Then Sliverstar and the Appleloosans sing at the same time...
"Now we sound the drums of war!"
You look disgusted at what the ponies of this town are saying, when you see smoke coming from the buffalo camp, and you decide to use your Zoom to see whats going on over there, You say the incantation (Give me the sight of an hawk. Give me the sight of an eagle. Show me what others can't stalk. Give me the power of... ZOOM!) You hold your head in pain from the magical drain, but you notice that the buffalo chief is sharping his horns! You also begin to hear signing coming from the camp as well, and the chief is signing...
"This is what we feared. The pony is a demon. The only thing they feel at all is greed."
Then, a shaman looking buffalo, who looks to be painting war paint onto two other buffalo begins to sing as well...
"Beneath that colorful hide, there's emptiness inside."
The two buffalo and the buffalo around then begin to sing as well, and just like the Appleloosans, its not very nice...
"I wonder if they even bleed! They're savages! Savages!"
The chief buffalo begins to walk towards the other buffalo and sings with them...
"Not even buffalo. Savages! Savages!"
The chief buffalo and the shaman buffalo begin to sing right after each other...
"Robbers at the core." "They're different from us which means they can't be trusted." "We must sound the drums of war."
As soon as he sings that, some buffalo begin to play the drum in a war like fashion and sing...
"They're savages! Savages! First we deal with this town, then we sound the drums of war."
You then hear some more singing behind you and you turn to see an even more inebriated Silverstar singing...
"Cabbages! Cabbages! *hic*"
Then, out of nowhere, a mare (who's name, if you remember correctly, is Carrot Top. You've patched up her door and cupboards a few times) takes a pie and screams...
"Let's go pie a few, mares!"
You then hear the buffalo sing...
"Savages! Savages!"
Sliverstar then began to sing....
"Now it's up to ya'll, ponies!"
Suddenly, everyling from both sides begins to sing the same lyrics at the same time (Go figure)...
"Savages! Savages! Barely even considering! Now we sound the druuuuums offfffffffffff waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr!!!"
Suddenly, Sliverstar passes out on the ground and begins to snore loudly, and all the ponies around him prepare for war. You cancel out your Zoom (causing another headache) before spotting the Mane Six with Braeburn and the former are all looking at the drunken Sheriff and the town in silent horror. Rainbow Dash (of all ponies) says,
"Wow, that sounded REALLY species-ist"
Braeburn then replies,
"Oh, the Sheriff is normally always fair and tolerant towards all species. He only gets like this when he's salted and even then it's all bark and no bite. The last time the Sheriff was like this was when he found out that his beloved baby sister got married and forgot to tell him until 3 months after the wedding. He got really salted and started singing 'Don't Trust Them Ziggers."
...
"Did I mention that her sister's new husband is half-zebra?"
Before you can hear what the ponies are going to say next when you hear a familiar voice say...
Nightshade asks you why the Buffalo and Ponies want to hurt each other (and you have a difficult time explaining it to her).
"Daddy, why do they want to hurt each other?"
You look down and see that Nightshade is adorably poking her head out of the Inventory. After a few seconds of shock (half at the fact that she's sticking her head out of the Inventory and half at the fact that SOMETHING actually woke her deep slumber) you quickly duck into an alley before the Mane 6 could see her and sternly say,
"Nightshade! What have I told you about coming out without disguise when visitors are in town."
She looks sad and replies,
"Sorry daddy, but that music woke me up. Why do they want to hurt each other."
"Well, you see dear, the buffalo want to stampede through their traditional grounds, but the town's main source of food, the apple orchid, is in the way of their path."
Nightshade replies,
"But, can't the buffalo go around the town, or our neighbors move the orchid, or the buffalo fly over the apples, or..."
You interrupt her,
"They already tried to settle things peacefully, but it didn't work and now the ponies and the buffalo are going to fight each other."
"But... why do they need to hurt each other?"
Finding yourself unable to make sense of the situation as well, you sigh in defeat and say,
"I... I don't know Nightshade. I just don't know..."
Nightshade looks at you blankly and says,
"That's dumb."
You sigh and reply
"I know dear. I know..."
You and Nightshade look on in sadness at the town preparing for war before you start to glare in anger and think to yourself,
This is my home, I can't let it be destroyed in a pointless war. I know I have to stop this, but what can I do?
While you're thinking, Nightshade comments,
"Why can't they get together for something they both like? Like an eating contest or salt licking (why can't I lick salt yet?) or..."
*ding* Nightshade's rambling suddenly gives you an idea, but it's a VERY risky idea so you say to her,
"Dear, I got an idea. But I need you to promise me that you will NOT get out of bed until I tell you to. No matter what. Promise?"
Nightshade looks at you in worry, but then smiles and says,
"Okay daddy. I love you."
With that, she ducks back into the Inventory and you go into an alleyway. What you don't notice is a yellow and pink blur following you into the ally...
You quickly put your stetson and orange bandanna into The Inventory and you wash out the mud from your coat. As you put the coat back on, you say to yourself...
When the Appleloosans and the Buffalo are about to go to war, you decide to help make peace between the two groups by giving them something to unite against... THE HOODED OFFENDER!
or... Give them something to unite against: the Hooded Offender!
"There's only one sure way to stop a war between two species... and that's to give them a common enemy. And that enemy..."
You put on your hood before saying in a determined voice,
"IS THE HOODED OFFENDER!"
With that said, you teleport above the town on top a water tower you patched a few weeks ago (after falling a few feet onto it of course, stupid imprecise teleport)...
Back at the alley, Fluttershy walks out of the shadows and looks at where you once stood with hope and worry before whispering to herself
"Please, Hoody, please be careful." and with that she walks back to her friends.
THE NEXT DAY
You stand on the water tower, your cloak billowing in the wind (you REALLY wish you could take a photo of yourself right now) as you see the buffalo standing atop a ledge getting ready to stampede. You also see the Appleloosans prepare their pies for war. With a sigh you think to yourself,
Okay, two small armies are about to go to war and all I have to do is turn both sides against me. All without killing or hurting anyling too badly and not getting caught or exposed in the process... Piece of cake. Oh, and I'll keep The Inventory up here so that Nightshade will be safe.
Suddenly, you notice the buffalo mare from before and the chief-looking buffalo talking and you see hesitant contemplation on his face.
Yes! you think in relief They're not gonna do it! I won't need to kill myself with this idiotic pl-
"–whaddaya say? You got to share You got to care It's the right thing to do..."
With that, the chief-looking buffalo gets really angry and initiates the charge. As the tribe barrels towards the town you call home, all you can say is...
"...GORRAMIT PINKIE!!!"
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 53: THE HOODED OFFENDER VS ALL OF APPLELOOSA AND THE BUFFALO TRIBE
You're about to make your entrance when the water tower collapses (you might have used a little too much WD-40 on the bolts when patching it), flooding the town in the middle of the battle and soaking both sides (you get swept up too, of course). Taking advantage of the situation, you quickly shake off the water and use the RCV to make a boastful villain entrance.
You sigh to yourself. "Well...time to be the villain." You then jump from the water tower, your billowing cloak serving as a parachute. The ponies and buffalo gasp.
Meanwhile, use your brain. See if you can find a way to distract both sides from their stupid and senseless quarrel without getting killed, wounded, captured, or otherwise incapacitated.
You can't help but given an annoyed sigh at this predicament,
Of course. PINKIE starts a stinkin war... Well... time to be the villain.
Before you do anything else you decide to use your brain for once,
I need to think of some way to distract both sides from their stupid and senseless quarrel without getting killed, wounded, captured, castrated, maimed, or otherwise incapacitated.
While you're thinking, you swear you heard a faint creaking noise, but you decide to just ignore it.
I got it! I'll just jump in between the two groups.
Just as you're about to jump off the water tower, you hear the creaking sound again. You look around in confusion and wonder where the sound came from when the water tower starts to shake. You gulp in fear as you realize where the creaking sound is coming from. Thinking quickly, you grab The Inventory and jump to the roof of a building just behind the water tower. Just in time too, because as soon as you jumped, the water tower falls down!
Luckily, noling was squashed under it. Unluckily (for the buffalo and the Appleloosans) the tidal wave it unleashes catches both armies and they are all now soaking wet and knocked down by the wave. You chuckle nervously and think,
Maybe I used a little too much WD-40 on the bolts when I patched them last week. But hey! They're not charging at each other any more...
You decide to take advantage of their disoriented states and you quickly put The Inventory behind the chimney of the building before you teleport above the middle of the battlefield and...
There is only one way this kind of epic showdown can begin: RCV powered maniacal laughter.
Both ponies and buffalo look up at you in both fear and shock (except for those 6 mares, who just glare at you (besides Fluttershy of course)) as you continue to laugh while gliding down and landing softly on the ground thanks to your coat acting like a parachute. You look between both sides and smile evilly beneath your hood before saying in your "evil voice",
"Well mongrels, enjoy the bath? mwahahahahahaha. Hope the water wasn't too... tepid! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Both ponies and buffalo begin to glare at you as they get back up and realize that you are the one who unleashed that tidal wave on them (accidentally, but they don't know that). You clear your throat and say loud enough for both sides to hear you in your evil voice...
You've learned your lesson from the ursa incident, so your first order of business after getting their attention is to turn it away from the Inventory and Nightshade. You teleport to the ground, in the middle of the two armies, to deliver an epic speech. "Mares and gentlecolts-" Your speech is cut off by the sound of a thump from the pony side of the battlefield. You turn to look and see Rainbow Dash on the ground with Fluttershy pinning her tail down with both front hooves. Well that was nice of her. "Mares and gentlecolts and whatever passes for that among you buffalo folk, I thank you for your interest in this miserable patch of rock, but I'm afraid all this effort is quite meaningless. You see, all of this now belongs to me." Horrified, or perhaps confused, silence hangs in the air. A faint voice from the back of the buffalo herd calls out, "Nuh uh!" "Yuh huh!" You retort with all your wit. "Unlike all you ignorant savages, I actually have what you need to stake a claim. A flag!" With that, you pull your homemade flag from under your cloak and drive it into the ground, letting it unfurl to reveal the insignia of...nothing. The flag is pure black. You skipped sewing class in changeling school to play the new Super Mare-io Sisters, which was really hard to get because Chrysalis forbade anything featuring Celestia or Luna.
"Do you have a flag?" The ponies and buffalo shrug at each other. "Well then, no flag no town; you can't have one. 'cause those are the rules,.. that I just made up."
"Mares and gentlecolts-*wump*"
Your epic speech is cut off before it even begins by the sound of something heavy hitting the ground on the ponies' side. You look over to see Rainbow planted face-first in the ground with Fluttershy pinning her tail down with both front hooves. You give a quick smile in appreciation towards Fluttershy (under your faceless hood of course) before you clear your throat and continue in your evil voice...
"Mares and gentlecolts... and whatever passes for that among you buffalo folk, I thank you for your interest in this miserable patch of rock, but I'm afraid all this effort is quite meaningless."
The buffalo and the Appleloosans are now glaring at you in pure hatred, probably because you called their home a "miserable patch of rock". You just ignore them and continue your speech in your evil voice,
"You see, all of this now belongs... to ME!!!"
You you stomp your hoof into the ground as you scream the last part in the RCV, kicking up a tiny cloud of dust and sand away from you. Horrified (or most likely confused) silence hangs in the air. That silence is broken when a faint voice from the back of the buffalo herd calls out,
"Nuh uh! This land belongs to the Buffalo!"
Suddenly all the buffalo begin to scream things like "Yeah" or "It's ours!" This, of course, cause the Appleloosans to start screaming back "No, it ain't yours, it's ours!" or "It's our's!" As they argue, your anger builds. You charge up your RCV and scream...
"SILENCE!"
The arguing stops at the sound of your angry RCV. You clear your throat and retort with all your wit,
"Yuh huh!"
You then say in your evil voice,
"Unlike all of you ignorant savages, I actually have what you need to stake a claim. A flag!"
With that you take out your homemade flag from under your cloak and drive it into the ground, letting it unfurl to reveal the insignia of... nothing. The flag is pure black. You're normally pretty good at sewing, but you had to make this on short notice because you literally just thought about using this flag this morning. If you had time to put a symbol on it, it would look like this. You don't know why, but you really like the look of it. You look between the two groups and say in your evil voice...
"Do any of you have a flag?"
The buffalo all either shake their heads no or shrug their shoulders, but Sheriff Silverstar says,
"As a matter of fact, pilgrim, we DO have a flag. It's right over yonder!"
Everyling looks to where he's pointing to see the Appleloosan flag... But the flagpole was knocked down by the tidal wave. You smirk and say,
"Well... my flag is still standing. And its way better. And cause those are the rules... that I just made up. The town is mine. So, ha!"
You are about to continue your speech, the chief-looking buffalo barks...
"Who are you?!" The chief barks. You smirk and snicker beneath your cloak. "Ehehehe...well you see, my little ponies...and buffalo, the drums of war shall not beat tonight." you say menacingly. For some strange reason you hear a four beat tapping from inside your head, driving you mad. You ignore it and keep taunting the western creatures. "For there is only one savage...one creature that is not pony not buffalo...one being that does not even bleed..." you say. The ponies and buffalo look at eachother in confusion and you can see fear creeping into their eyes, which only encourages you. "THAT BEING IS ME!" you scream, your cloak billowing behind you like the great wings of a colossal war bird. The ponies and buffalo gasp in horror. One mare from the back pipes up. "Don't tell me you're" you interupt her with a swift movement of your cloak, getting up in her face and flaunting so you look bigger than usual, causing her to shrink back in shock. "THAT'S RIGHT, PATHETIC CREATURE. IT IS I, THE HOODED OFFENDER! MWAHAHAHAHA!" you shout. You strike a menacing pose, enjoying every second of non painful spotlight. "NOW! ONE OF YOU TINY, INSIGNIFICANT MAGGOTS CAN GATHER ALL THE COURAGE IN YOUR PATHETIC, WEAK HEART TO FIGHT ME?!?!" you shout. You're answered with silence. Well that was anticlimactic. Then you hear a voice pipe up from the very back. "ME!" the voice shouts. Your ears droop underneath your cloak. You know that voice. It was Rainbow Dash. Really, Lady Luck?
"Who are you?!"
You smirk and begin to snicker beneath your coat. You look over to the chief-looking buffalo and you begin to walk towards him with a menacing stride while saying in your evil voice,
"Ehehehe... well you see, my little ponies... and buffalo, the drums of war shall not beat tonight."
For some strange reason you hear a four beat tapping from inside your head, driving you mad. You ignore it and keep walking menacingly towards the chief-looking buffalo.
"For there is only one true savage... one creature that is not pony nor buffalo... one being that does not even bleed..."
The buffalo behind the chief-looking one begin to look at each other nervously and you even begin to see fear beginning to build on the chief-looking buffalo's face, which only encourages you more.
"And that being... IS ME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH"
You scream in the RCV, and lighting flashes behind you when you laugh (even though it's a clear sky at noon). Your coat begins billowing behind you like the great wings of a colossal war bird. You hear the ponies behind you gasp in horror as the buffalo look at you in terror. You hear one of the ponies start to say in a terrified voice,
"Don.. don't tell me. Y.. your-"
You interrupt her by teleporting right in front of her with a wave of your coat to make you look bigger than usual, causing her to shrink back in shock. You then scream in the RCV...
"THAT'S RIGHT, PATHETIC CREATURE. IT IS I, THE HOODED OFFENDER! MWAHAHAHAHA!"
Your announcement causes gasps of horror around you, but you hear one pony snicker and say,
"Heh, his name is 'The Obsidian Storm' idiots. Even my dumb mother-in-law in Cloudsdale knows tha-"
You teleport right in front of the stallion's face and you say in a low menacing tone,
"It's 'The Hooded Offender', got it memorized?"
The stallion nods his head fearfully and says "Yes" repeatedly.
"GOOD!!!"You yell in the RCV before you teleport back to your flag and say in your RCV...
"NOW! CAN ANY OF YOU TINY, INSIGNIFICANT MAGGOTS GATHER ENOUGH COURAGE IN YOUR PATHETIC, WEAK HEARTS TO FIGHT ME?!?!"
You're answered with silence.
Well, that was anticlimactic... You think awkwardly. Then you hear a voice pipe up from the very back,
"ME!" the voice shouts.
Your ears droop underneath your cloak. You know that voice. It was Rainbow Dash.
Darn it lady luck...
Rainbow Dash breaks free from Fluttershy. "Your flag sucks, and you suck, and I bet your plan will suck too! Seriously, what has ever gone right for you?" You remind yourself to take it easy, because you don't want to lose your temper this time. "Oh you silly filly, none of that will mean a thing when I get my clutches on the treasure!" Rainbow gasps. "You monster! That treasure doesn't belong to...wait, there's a treasure?"
You look over to where Rainbow is and see that she has broken free of Fluttershy's hooves and that she is heading your way. She stops in front of your flag and says,
"Your flag sucks, and you suck, and I bet your plan will suck too! Seriously, when has anything ever gone right for you?"
And with that she kicks your flag down. You remind yourself to take it easy, because you don't want to lose your temper this time. You then say to her in your evil voice,
"Oh you silly filly, none of that will mean a thing when I get my clutches on the treasure!"
Everyling gasps at what you said and Rainbow says,
"You monster! That treasure doesn't belong to... Hold on a sec. There's a treasure?"
Emulating the bad guys from movies you've watched, you turn around with a scoff and whisper,
"Wouldn't you like to know, fillyfooler."
Suddenly this begins to play in the background and you just realize what you just said. You look over behind you to see a really mad Rainbow Dash...
You know that "water+electrcity=BAD" (learned that the hard way...), maybe magic works the same way so try to use Stun Spell on puddles to (hopefully) knock out groups in those puddles
With an enraged yell, the pegasus charges at you in pure rage...
*crash*
...and she completely misses you as you take a small step to the side and she crashes into a carriage.
"Rainbow!" the mares and some of the buffalo yell as Applejack and Fluttershy run to the broken carriage to help her. You notice that a few ponies and buffalo are standing in a puddle still fresh from the earlier wave and you get an idea.
Hmmm... electricity plus water equals BAD (learned that the hard way...), maybe magic works the same way...
You charge up a Stun Spell and launch it at the puddle, knocking out the buffalo and ponies standing in it to the horror of the surrounding crowd. You then turn to the crowd and proclaim in the RCV,
"DOES ANYPONY ELSE DARE CHALLENGE MY UNDISPUTED MASTERY OF THIS WORTHLESS PILE OF SAND? I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE YOU SAVAGES WOULD EVER WORK TOGETHER FOR ANY REASON. NOT EVEN TO, I DON'T KNOW; FIGHT A COMMON ENEMY!"
"I dare!"
Everyling turns to see the buffalo mare stepping forward.
"This is our lands, and no faceless thief is going to steal it!"
"Yeah!" Braeburn proclaims in response and steps forward as well,
"Appleloosa is ALL of our homes and we ain't gonna just sit by and let some faceless varmint take it!"
"I concur" the chief-looking buffalo says stepping forward "The young ones speak with wisdom and bravery beyond their years and we will NOT abandon them to face your wickedness alone."
Sheriff Silverstar also steps forward too,
"Faceless, if you’re looking for trouble, I’ll accommodate ya."
Soon more and more ponies and buffalo step forward in defiance of you until EVERYLING in the town is glaring you down. You respond in the RCV,
"FINE! I'LL EAT YOUR LIVERS WITH SOME JELLY BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI!!!"
As the surrounding crowd floods in at you, can't help but think to yourself,
Yes! Everyling is teaming up against me!
...
Oh buck, EVERYLING IS TEAMING UP AGAINST ME!!!
Use Shoryuken to launch ponies (they're lighter than buffalo)
You quickly teleport away right before they all crash into each other.
"Is that the best your combined might can do?!" you taunt at the downed crowd.
Carrot Top pounces on you from the 2nd-story window of a nearby building...
"SHORYUKEN!"
But you catch her in mid air with an uppercut that sends flying into a watering trough. A squad of buffalo comes charging at you, but one light-brownish one is far ahead of the others...
Use Falcon Punch to knock buffalo into groups like a bowling ball (you've seen first-hoof how durable buffalo are so they can take a Falcon Punch)
I hope the big guy can take this... you think hesitantly before you call out,
"FALCON PUNCH!"
Your attack connects with the face of the fast buffalo in front sending him flying into the squad behind him and knocking them over like they were bowling pins. You confidentially think,
Luna, this is WAY too eas- "HEY! WHOA! YIPES!"
Use forcefield since most of the combatants are buffalo and earth ponies and thus will be aiming for close-quarters combat
deflect a pie towards Chief Thunderhooves so he can experience the deliciousness of Appleloosan friendship
keep an alert watch out for Rarity (unicorn magic can hit from a distance), Twilight (powerful distance spellcaster), Pinkie Pie (unpredictable reality bender with a party cannon)
After barely bobbing and weaving a few spells and pies, you quickly cast Forcefieldas you see Twilight and Rarity casting spells and some Appleoosans hurling pies. Fortunately, you've practiced the spell with Trixie (Grrrrr)so it holds up pretty well and even deflects a couple of spells and pies. Even better (for you), the ponies and buffalo aren't completely working together. The buffalo keep trying to flank you, but the incoming pies bounce off your forcefield and keep hitting them. Suddenly, you hear a voice behind you scream,
"SNEAK ATTACK!"
In shock you drop the forcefield and turn to see Pinkie firing the Party Cannon. You barely manage to avoid the blast by diving behind a carriage... right into the sights of Sheriff Silverstar with a fresh apple pie in hoof. He hurls the pie at you, but you throw up forcefield at the right time to make the pie bounce off it... and splat the chief-looking buffalo in the face. Everyling gasps in horror as the chief goes down and some buffalo and even a couple of ponies (including Sheriff Silverstar) run to his side.
NOOOOO!!! I never wanted this! Stupid Bug! Stupid! You think in regret and anger at yourself.
After a few tense motionless moments, the chief suddenly gets back up and licks the pie off of his face with a smile.
You sigh in relief, but before you can do anything else, you hear two voices yell,
"HEY UGLY!"
and you turn to see...
Rainbow Dash picks up Little Strongheart, flies high into the air, and then dive-bombs Little Strongheart at you causing the young buffalo to slam into you with a flying headbutt with enough force to send you flying a couple of blocks into Chief Thunderhooves and Sheriff Silverstar who both headbutt and buck you (respectively) hard enough to send you smashing through the window of the hardware store and into the display of duct tape and WD-40 in the back. Quickly regaining your senses, you decide that more duct tape and WD-40 would come in handy later so you throw out a few bits (*68 Bits left*) and quickly stuff some rolls and cans into your coat
Rainbow Dash carrying the buffalo mare and they're coming straight at you at top speed!
I'm gonna feel this in the morn-(*WHAM*)
Rainbow Dash releases the buffalo mare with a dive-bomb technique making her slam into you with a high-speed flying headbutt that sends you flying towards Sheriff Silverstar and the chief-looking buffalo who then buck and headbutt you (respectively) sending you flying a couple of blocks before you smash through the storefront window of the hardware store where your flight finally ends when you crash into a stand in the back corner of the store. You quickly shake your head to try to regain your senses when you notice rolls of duct tape and cans of WD-40 scattered around you.
These might come in handy, I better grab some.
With that thought in mind, you quickly start stuffing some rolls and cans into your coat.
Acquired "Rolls of duct tape" and "Cans of WD-40"
Remembering that WD-40 is flammable, you put a small can in your mouth, grab a lighter, leap through the broken window and yell, "BURN IN THE NAME OF THE PROPHE- I MEAN ME!" (or just "FLAME ON!") before putting the lighter near the can and spraying around you, creating a stream of flame that keeps the surrounding ponies/buffalo at a distance (that way, it looks like the Hooded Offender is breathing fire from his faceless hood).
You see a label marked "Flammable" on a can of WD-40 which gives you an awesome idea. You put a small spray can into your mouth and grab a nearby lighter before leaping out of the broken window and screaming:
You put the lighter in front of your face and start spraying the can with your mouth at just over the heads of the ponies and buffalo around you, creating a stream of fire which keeps them at a distance.
This is so cool! You think in excitement I must look like a faceless firebreather!
Suddenly, a painful memory hits you...
However, you suddenly remember that heated spray cans explode (long story involving shaving cream, a spark, and 2 weeks in the infirmary) and drop the lighter and throw the can away in a panic. Fortunately, the flaming can lands in and blows up a cabbage cart ("MY CABBAGES") not seriously harming any pony (although the explosion does make Pinkie and Twilight jump away in an overly-dramatic fashion that would look alot cooler in slow-motion) and the scattered cabbages flying everywhere force a couple of ponies and buffalo to take cover
It's blurry, but you can make out a spray can of shaving cream, a match, and 2 weeks in the infirmary, but the blurry memory gives you an epiphany,
Wait a minute, this is a spray can. SPRAY CANS EXPLODE!!!
In a panic, you drop your lighter and hurl the lit can away where it happens to land in a cabbage cart.
Fortunately, noling was hurt by the blast, but it did force a nearby Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie to jump away from the explosion in an exaggerated fashion (that you can't help but think would look cooler in slow motion) and the explosion sends cabbages flying everywhere, forcing pony and buffalo alike to dive for cover. You can't help but scoff,
"Pathetic fools! Cowering from cabbages?! They can barely squish an an-" (*bonk*)
(although a few cabbages do pelt you in the face and one even hits you right in the "family jewels")
Unfortunately, one of the cabbages ricochets and slams you square in the family jewels, earning a sympathetic pained wince from any nearby stallions. In light of your intense downstairs agony, you can't help but utter a statement of profound universal wisdom,
"Ohhh... My... thingies!"
Applejack lassos you and uses her strength to spin and slam you against the side of a building before a pair of buffalo ram you through the building (which happens to be the town's schoolhouse) which collapses (Cue cheering foals)
Suddenly, a lasso lands around you and you turn to see Applejack at the other end. With a grunt, the farmpony gives the lasso a harsh pull which lifts you off the ground and sends you whirling around the farmpony until you slam into the side of the town schoolhouse. When you open your disoriented eyes you can make out the form of... a rainbow blur and a pair of hairy trains barreling straight for you?
This looks bad- (*SMASH*)
Rainbow Dash and a pair of charging buffalo smash you into and through both walls and a support beam of the schoolhouse causing the building to collapse when you all crash through the opposite side (some foals barricaded in a nearby building start cheering). The three then continue pushing you forward until you all smash through the doors of the The Salt Block Saloon...
You get dragged along the bar-top counter, hit your head on every glass/mug on the counter, and slam head-first into the piano
Before you could regain your senses, the fancy-dressed owner/bartender of the Salt Block Saloon (you never did get his name even though you did a few errands for him) suddenly grabs you and says,
"Today's house special for hooded ruffians,"
He roughly lifts and slams you onto the end of the counter and says,
Ow. Bar brawls are ALOT less fun than they look in the movies...You think as you try to quiet the chirping birds flying around your head. Suddenly you feel another pair of hooves on you and it's accompanying tomboyish voice fills you with dread...
Head repeatedly slammed on the piano to the tune of "Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits"
"I know this greattune! Want me to show you first-hoof?"
Before you could politely decline, Rainbow Dash starts slamming your face onto the piano to the tune of:
In desperation, you lash your hoof out behind you and hit something squishy. You hear Rainbow give out a cry of pain as she lets go of you and you turn to see her reeling and clutching her eye.
If this were ANYLING else, I'd be alot more sorry. You can't help but think vindictively as you shake your head to regain your senses, but you hear ANOTHER voice that fills you with even more dread,
"You'll pay for that varmint!"
And you open your eyes to see a VERY angry Applejack charging at you...
Try to do a chandelier swing, but the chandelier breaks causing you to fall
Remembering a really old black-and-white swashbuckler movie, you quickly leap onto the piano and jump over the farmpony as she smashes into the piano and you grab the chandelier with your front hooves and swing on it in an attempt to kick at a buffalo, but you miss...
*snap CRASH*
and the chandelier snaps and lands on a few ponies and buffalo (including Rainbow Dash (don't worry, her eyes are fine) and Applejack) while you slam hard onto your back.
Owwww... Stupid ancient movies...
Bugze attaches one end of duct tape to a lampost and runs in circles while parallel to the ground, kicking at the ponies and buffalo charging at him, pulling at the duct tape to keep himself level. Kinda like at 1:30 here: Pinkie Pie tackles him to the ground, screaming "Hey! We have GOOD animation here!"
This is so awesome!!! You can't help but mentally squee as you continue your face-running.
*Crack*
Unfortunately, lady luck rears her ugly head as the pool cue snaps and you fall face-first onto the hard wooden floor. You try to get up, but Pinkie tackles you to the ground screaming,
"Hey! We have GOOD animation here!"
"Get your stinking hooves off me, you darn dirty psycho!" you yell in defiance at Pinkie, but soon more ponies and buffalo start helping to hold you down as well, you need some breathing room and fast...
if a couple of buffalo and/or ponies are holding you down, useFUS RO DAH to get some breathing room
"FUS RO DAH!!!"
The magic-powered yell sends every buffalo and pony in the bar exploding through the front of the building in a shower of (live) bodies, furniture, and splinters. You kick back up and run out of the now-without-a-front-wall saloon, but as soon as you reach the street you get blindsided by a flying karate kick from Rarity. You reel from the hit and smack your hooded face on the end of a large tube. Wait, that's not a tube, THAT'S PINKIE'S PARTY CANNON!!! You can only stare down the barrel, frozen in horror, as Pinkie says with disturbing cheer,
"Let's put a smile on that face! I mean no face! I mean... I'll figure it out later." before blasting you in the face with confetti and streamers, knocking you a couple of feet back. You get up only to be greeted with a really hot apple crisp to the face,
"THE NUTMEG! IT BURNS!!!" you scream in pain as you yank the pastry off your face. Before you can finish wiping the apple filling off you, a train of muscle and fur slams into you. You get up again and see that the Appleloosans and Buffalo are coordinating their attacks against you. You even hear a pony and a buffalo say,
"I'll provide suppressing pies, you go around and head him off at the pass!"
"'Head him off at the pass?' I hate that cliché!"
Yes! you think victoriously One of my plans actually worke-WOAH!
You quickly weave to the side to dodge a pair of apple pies and roll to dodge an incoming buffalo.
I gotta end this before I get captured! But how...
You decide to let Braeburn get the last shot at the end of your epic battle, because he was a really cool guy. Unfortunately, he has no idea who you are, so his buck nearly takes your head off. You hit the ground dazed, but your head is still clear enough to stick to your plan. You reach out a hoof towards the orchard, saying "No! The most delicious apples in all the land! You were almost MINE! The money I could have made..." Looks of confusion greet you when you turn back to the victors. "You may have won this round, savages, but the Hooded Offender will return!" You teleport away just as Rainbow Dash charges again.
You spot Braeburn in the middle of the melee,
Braeburn's been my bestest best friend in this whole town. I'll let him strike the final blow.
With that you charge at the cowpony, dodging and weaving around incoming ponies and buffalo like a professional hoofball player, before yelling,
"I come at you like a wreeeecking ballllll!"
"I HATE that song!" Braebrun yells as he turns to buck you and you suddenly realize two very important details:
1. Braeburn doesn't know that you're the Hooded Offender
Thank Luna! That hay will soften the impac-(*KLONK*)
When you regain consciousness a minute later, you're surrounded by Appleloosans, the buffalo tribe, and the mares, and you see that the bale of "hay" was actually hiding an anvil.
Anvils in hay! WHAT A LOUSY BUCKING TRICK!!! You mentally scream, but your head is still clear enough to remember your mission. You roll onto your belly and reach out a hoof towards the orchard and cry,
"No! The most delicious apples in all the land! You were almost mine, MINE! The money I could have made..."
Looks of confusion greet you when you turn back to the surrounding victors. You wobble back up to your hooves and say,
"You may have won this round, savages, but the Hooded Offender will return! HOODED OFFENDER, AW-"
get dog-piled by every buffalo and pony. Then you teleport away
Before you could finish your outro, EVERYLING (pony AND buffalo) pounces on you in a massive dogpile. You just manage to teleport away before your ribs could snap from the pressure.
You gather up the Inventory and sneak onto the next train in your pony disguise. Braeburn deserves a letter when you get off at the next stop, but it's time to get out of Appleloosa. You'll miss the place, but those crazy mares will probably stake it out to find you again. So long as you can keep yourself ahead of them, you're a happy bug. As you sit in your traincar, you hear voices in the hallway. "You sure you wanna head back to Ponyville, Twi? The varmint might be-" "He won't stick around, Applejack. He's trying to stay away from us now. Once we get back to Ponyville, we'll come up with a new plan to catch him. I hear Princess Celestia will be visiting soon, so that will be the perfect opportunity to put our heads together." The train pulls away from the station, drowning your sobs and curses of Lady Luck with a blast of its whistle.
A FEW HOURS LATER
You are disguised as an Earth Pony and sitting in a car of a train about to leave Appleloosa. In the confusion of the aftermath and cleaning up, you were able to retrieve The Inventory, leave behind a note for Braeburn explaining you had to leave early that morning due to a "family emergency" and even left him a present of a can of WD-40 and a roll of duct tape (Speaking of which, you also stopped by what was left of the hardware store and paid for the stuff you "borrowed").
*65 Bits remaining*
As you sit in your chair munching on an intact apple pie you snatched from the aftermath of the battle (what? Waste not, want not) you reflect,
I'll miss that place, but those crazy mares will probably stake it out to find me again. So long as I can keep myself ahead of them, I'm a happy bug.
But you can't help shake the feeling that you're forgetting something-
Buck! I forgot to do my Hooded Offener intro! Ah, maybe next tim-
Your thoughts are interrupted by familiar voices in the hallway...
"You sure you wanna head back to Ponyville, Twi? The varmint might be-"
"He won't stick around, Applejack. He's trying to stay away from us now. Once we get back to Ponyville, we'll come up with a new plan to catch him. I hear Princess Celestia will be visiting soon, so that will be the perfect opportunity to put our heads together."
The train pulls away from the station with a blast of its whistle. If anypony bothered to listen closely, they'd hear a sobbing voice cry out:
"BUCK YOU LADY LUCK!!!"
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 54: Of All The Trains I Could Be On, It Had To Be This One!
While you are screaming your hatred for lady luck, a piece of apple pie that you were eating that you haven't completely swallowed yet gets lodged into your throat. Your eyes widen in shock and you grab your throat in surprise as you start to make gurgling and gasping noises as you try to breathe in air.
Accidentally foil a train-jacking before it even begins with your clumsiness (example; a bandit jumps up with a blade and yells "Get ya hooves u-"(*slam*) and Bugze accidentally splats him while opening the door before anypony notices the bandit. Bonus points if the same bandit's train-jacking attempts are repeatedly, humorously, and painfully foiled)
Suddenly a brown stallion earth pony with a bandanna jumps in though the nearby window. Not noticing that you're choking, the stallion takes out a large gnarly knife and says,
"Get ya hooves u-*whack*"
While in your choking state, you start to fling your hooves around like a maniac which causes you to accidentally whack the would-be bandit in the face hard enough to send him into a nearby closet which conveniently closes itself, trapping the now dazed robber inside. You didn't notice any of this as you're currently choking to death.
Bump into a large minotaur reading a "How to Host a Seminar" book and a pony wearing a purple shawl, a grey cloche, and red-framed glasses
Suddenly, you hear a mare gasp and then a pair of khaki hooves wrap themselves around your stomach and start to push inwards.
"Come on buddy, stay with me."
Suddenly (and thankfully) the pie stuck in your throat pops out and lands in the hair of a large Minotaur concentrating intently on a "How to Command a Seminar" book. You turn around and give your savior a thankful smile, a khaki-coated mare wearing red-rimmed glasses, a purple coat, and a grey cloche hat. She looks at you worried and you notice that she has violet-colored eyes.
"Hey, you okay?" She asks in a worried tone. You clear your throat and respond with,
"Yeah I'm fine, thanks for the save. Whats your name?"
She smiles at the fact that your okay and says
"Names A.K. Year... long... y! Yeah, A.K. Yearlongy. What's yours?"
You're about to respond when you spot the mares through the car door window about to come into your part of the train. You chuckle nervously and say in a rushed, panicked tone...
"Um...yeah nice to meet you Yearlongy, I have ta.... go... check out the... LOOK, A DISTRACTION!"
You point your hoof away from yourself when you said that and like all those times before it works and "Yearlongy" looks at where you pointed (*1). You quickly run into a nearby closet... the same closet that the robber is in. The robber gets up while mumbling
"What hit m*slam*"
You just so happened to slam into him while rushing into the closet which knocks him into the wall and causes a bunch of luggage to bury him. You were too terrified of being caught by those mares to notice.
As well, just hold position on the train. Considering everything that's happened, it would be foolish to reveal yourself to anyone, especially the bearers of the elements and the royal family. Make sure you have an escape route.
You decide that the safest option is to just stay in the closet (you get the feeling that somebody is immaturely laughing at that part) and not get beaten to death. You know you're disguised, but considering it tends to wear off at the worst possible moments, you decide it would be safer to just stay in here. But, you also know that you need a escape plan just in case you get caught in here.
Let's see... escape plan, escape plan, escape plan... *ding* I know! When the train starts to slow down for a stop, I'll make a mad dash towards the caboose and jump off the train and watch as they all go to wherever the train is going towards while I get away scot-free!
You nod your head with a smile at your clever idea. Now to just to wait until the train stops...
30 MINUTES LATER
HOW LONG IS THIS TRAIN RIDE?! You think to yourself in anger.
You've been huddled up in this closet for the past 30 minutes. Not only are you scared stiff because you think this closet is haunted (you keep hearing groaning and angry mumbling), but you also have come across a very big problem....
Unfortunatly, you REALLY need to use the restroom
You REALLY need to use the bathroom. You've been holding it in ever since you got on the train to leave Appleloosa (remembering that water tower falling did NOT help you at all). You decide that the best course of action would be to listen against the door to see if they are still there. With that thought in mind you put your ear against the door and hear...
You realize that listening to the conversation of the six mares could help you stay safe in the future. You perk up when you realize this could be crucial information. You pick up bits and pieces of the conversation. "Ah say we toss 'im off a building." "We should shoot him into SPACE! Space, space, gotta go to space, gotta go to space space..." "I'll drown the ruffian in his own blood!" "Um...that all sounds pretty scary and mean..." "Girls, calm down. Princess Celestia's just gonna chop his head off, plain and simple." "KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
Bits and pieces of a very unpleasant (to you) conversation...
"Ah say we hang that varmint from the highest tree."
Applejack. Of course that species-ist just wants to lynch me.
I more worried about Pinkie's sanity than my own at this point...
"I'll sew him shut into his tacky coat and drown the ruffian in his own blood!"
That's... a little drastic. I mean how would she even- Oh yeah... needles *shiver*
"I say we pound his eyeballs out of his skull! Eye for an eye!"
You still have both your eyes you stinkin fillyfooler!
"Um... that all sounds pretty scary and mean... And Rainbow Dash, you just have a black eye so it wouldn't be fair..."
Thank you Fluttershy for being the only sane one among your group.
"I still say we should tie him up and kick him from the highest cloud and strike him with lightning on the way down!"
Okay, she has SERIOUS anger issues...
"Girls, calm down. Princess Celestia is just going to have him decapitated, plain and simple."
SWEET MOTHER LUNA WHY ME!? CAN'T I JUST GET A TIME OUT OR SOMETHING! I LIKE MY HEAD ON MY SHOULDERS THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
"KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
I'm seriously starting to worry about Pinkie's stability. Oh, note to self: keep anything that can cause a fire AWAY from Pinkie.
You continue to hear bits and pieces of the conversation, including the fact that Princess Celestia is visiting Ponyville tomorrow with her pet bird. You decide that it would be for the best if you left Ponyville before Celestia notice your presence. Suddenly, the urge to use the bathroom becomes too strong and you whisper to yourself,
"Screw it, CHARGE!"
With that you charge out of the closet and run straight into the bathroom. There was already a blue TARDIS colored mare in the bathroom, but you politely asked her to leave, and by that I mean you grabbed her and threw her out of the bathroom while yelling,
"IT'S A EMERGENCY!"
COUPLE MINUTES LATER
You walk out of the bathroom with a small smile and a sigh of happiness. You're about to go back to the closet when you see...
Looking around the train you see a viger tester near the doors, wow! They only made five of those! They where so accurate the put them in fallout equestria! If you remember correctly they mesure your "special" stats cool! Walking over you put you hoof on the lever and pull, your special was: strength 6 perception 2 endurance 10+ charisma 7 intelligence 3 agility 2 1/2 Luck -10 well the luck one was Spot on, but an intelligence of 3?! Buck no, and you where waaaay more perceptive and agile then that! Those stats had to be wrong! you try it again, same stats. again, no change. Heck you had three different ponys try it and it gave diffrent rateings for all of them! You tryed it one last time after that, NO BUCKING CHANGE!!! You sighed in fofit and reformed to your train ride, At least they Wernt all ones, you promised your self you would work on those stats.... Mabey after month, yeah definitly after a month. *Perk gained*: "epic fail" Knowing one or more of your stats are low gives You a little more Determination, you now have a 0.1% higher success rate.
A stinking viger near the doors.
Wow! They were so accurate that they put them in "Fallout Equestria" even though they only made five of those (something about the inventor being institutionalized for rambling about Armageddon being caused by screaming salt shakers)! If you remember correctly, they measure your "special" stats... cool!
Walking over, you put you hoof on the lever and pull, your special was:
Strength 6
Perception 2
Endurance 10+
Charisma 7
Intelligence 3
Agility 2 1/2
Luck -10
Well, the luck one was spot on as it does suck that much, but an intelligence of 3?! Buck no, and I'm waaaay more perceptive and agile than that! Those stats had to be wrong!
You try it again. Same stats, again. No change. You had three different ponies (who gave you weird looks when you asked them to prove the stupid machine wrong) try it and it gave different ratings for all of them! You tried it one last time after that, NO BUCKING CHANGE!!! You sighed in forfeit and begin to head back to the closet.
No wonder they locked up the creator in the loony bin... At least they weren't ALL ones...
You promised your self you would work on those stats... maybe after a month, yeah definitely after a month.
*Perk gained*: "epic fail" Knowing that one or more of your stats are low gives you a little more Determination, you now have a 0.1% higher success rate.
You sigh in annoyance and can't help but think,
Stupid lady luck.
"Hey ya jerk!"
You turn your head in surprise to see that TARDIS colored mare (which you can now see is a pegasus with a half-note cutie mark with fire orange mane) that you threw out of the bathroom is glaring at you. She gives you a look that promises pain to you and says,
"What makes you think that you could throw me out of the bathroom. Your lucky that I don't have my lighter and matches or you would so be... burned."
She gives you a look with her ice-colored eyes that reminds you of how Pinkie was looking at you during the Royal Wedding... and that did not end well. Just as you're about to run away, you realize something.
Wait a minute... TARDIS-colored coat, ice-colored eyes, half-note cutie mark, fire-orange mane, a pegasus, threatening me with fire... It can't be...
You can't help but whisper the name of the pony in front of you in shock,
"Lightning Chaser"
It's is then that you realize that not only have you angered a potentially dangerous mare (she's wanted in Manehatten if you remember from your last meeting with her (*2)but you also have the five mares to deal with. You sigh and think,
What else could possibly go wrong...
*SCREEEEEECH*
Suddenly the train makes a screeching hault and you are lunched forward into a nearby wall while Lighting crashes into the wall behind you. You get up and ask dizzily,
"What happened..."
The train hits a broken rail, stopping it until it can be repaired. Now you're stuck on a train with five mares that want you beaten, stabbed, cut into pieces, and drowned.
Suddenly, the speaker phone goes on and the conductor says,
"Sorry about that folks, but the train has hit a broken rail and until it can be fixed we will be waiting here, do not panic and stay calm."
You give a deadpanned look before you facehoof and mutter under your breath...
"I just had to ask didn't I... Curse you lady luck!"
Lightning Chaser groans but soon gets right back up. She gets right in your face and whispers in a menacing voice. "I will burn the HEART out of you..." she hisses.
As you are grumbling about how lady luck has it out for you and that one of these days she's gonna end up killing you or worse (you have a very... vivid imagination), when you notice Lighting getting back up from her impact with the wall, and you swear you hear her mumbling something about a "Blue box" and "Drinking to munch ginger beer." You decide to question your insane acquaintance later and you quickly turn around to see if she is okay. What you don't notice is that when you turned, you accidentally bumped into the would-be bandit (who managed to get out of the luggage landslide when the train stopped) causing him to stuble and bump right into the blue minotaur from before. The blue minotaur puts down the book he's reading and glares at the bandit for interrupting his reading. The would-be bandit snaps,
"What you looking at, ya freak?!"
The minotaur stands up from his seat showing his full size as he towers over the "bandit". The bandit chuckles nervously and quickly takes out a pair of glasses from out of nowhere and he puts them on. He then says in a nervous tone,
"Uhhhh....you wouldn't hit a stallion with glasses would you?"
The minotaur only snorts before he takes the glasses off of the bandit and smacks him with them. The bandit rubs his sore cheek before looking up at the minotaur and gulping in fear.
"I'll take that as a no..."
The minotaur nods his head before he rears his fist back and says,
"When somepony interrupts your reading, Commence with the bleeding!"
The sounds of pain are heard thoughout the world that day...
Of course you don't notice that at all as you are far more worried about Lighting's condition that you don't hear a thing.
"Hey...are you okay? Do you need any help?"
Lighting only glares at you and she hisses to you in a low menacing tone,
"I swear to Celestia's sun I will burn the HEART out of you....."
You only gulp in fear at her threat because you have a feeling that she isn't bluffing and that somehow she will burn your heart out. Heck, if looks could kill then you'd be dead by now. That and the insane smile she has is not helping you calm your nerves. But your inner bug (and what little pride you have (lets face it you pretty much have barely any pride left after what's been happening to you)) is telling you to stand up for yourself.
Let's see... follow my pride and stand up to my insane friend who can probably kill me in one second, or just run away like the coward I am and live to see another day...
You think about this for a few seconds before, you being you go with the first option.
I've lost too much of my buggy pride since I started my vow of righteousness, it's time I gain some of it back... even if that pride comes from standing up to my most crazy friend ever... Wait, she is my friend right?
You shrug off your question for later before you decide to go ahead and...
You look at lightning chase with your "brave face" and say the coolest, totally not-thrown-together-in-10-seconds -at-all Line in history: " yeah? well I'm going to punch your face...... in the face!"
You put on your "brave fave" and you say the coolest, totally-not-thrown-together-in-ten-seconds-at-all line in the history of lines...
"Yeah well... I'm gonna punch your face... Um, in the face!"
You lower your head in shame as Lighting continues to laugh at your horrible excuse of a come-back. This goes on for quite awhile, until finally she stops laughing and she looks at you with a bemused expression and says
"Is that the best you got?"
You sigh in defeat and nod your head "yes". Lighting laughs some more before saying ,
"Well... time to punch you!"
You nod your head in de-WAIT what!? The next thing you know your soaring out of a nearby window with a sore cheek and you hear
"AND THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU GET BETWEEN ME AND THE BATHROOM!"
What you didn't know is that when you were punch out of the train, you knock into the beaten-up bandit, causing him to flip in the air before he landed painfully on his back with mini yous circling his head making a "coo coo" sound.
You are soaring though the air towards that blasted forest... again!
I swear if something doesn't stop me from going to that blasted forest again, then so help me-
Before you can finish your mental rant, you get caught in a magical aura and begin to be pulled back to the train, and you begin to wonder why and how when...
Get out of the train and try to sneak away, only to be caught by the train's staff who think you're another crew member trying to skip work and they drag you to the broken part of the rail (commence patching with vise-grips, WD-40, and duct tape)
You are hovered upside down in front of the unicorn conductor and he's giving you a mean glare.
"And just where do you think you're going?"
You looked at him confused and say,
"I was on my way to that blasted forest before you kindly stopped me, thank you for that very much by the way. Now if you could be so kind as to put me down. I have mares to hide fro- I mean a book that needs reading."
The conductor gives you a sly smile before he levitates you over to the broken rail that caused the train to be stopped. He then gently puts you down next to the rail (and by that you mean he roughly dropped you right on top of it head first). and tells you in a commanding tone,
"Lousy try lackey, I've been around trains long enough to recognize a work-dodging slacker! You can get to reading your book after you patch up this rail! And you can't come back on till it's fixed!" and slams the door before you can protest.
You would have shouted at him that this is a mistake, but you decide it would be better for your health if you just fixed the rail. With that thought in mind you think of your patching tools (vise-grips, WD-40, and duct tape) and you take them out of The Inventory and you get to work.
20 MINUTES LATER
After alot of of hard work, determination, and a few bruises (still getting the hang of using vise-grips as a hammer) you manage to patch up the rails.
With that patching job, they'll probably last a week or two at most before it breaks. Hopefully someling will come by and fix it for good by then. You think to yourself as you get back on the train. The conductor announces that the train will continue moving again in a few moments and you think you should just get off now, but...
Don't tempt Lady Luck. As bad as the situation on the train might be, wandering off to Luna knows where is just asking for trouble. There's always a road worse than the one you're on. After thinking for a moment, you write that down. Nightshade might need to hear that one day, and what kind of father would you be if you don't have any advice for your daughter?
You really don't want to temp lady luck anymore so then you have so far. As bad as the situation is (an angry Lighting Chaser, the five mares who all want you dead) wandering off to Luna knows where (especially that stupid forest) is just asking for trouble.
There's always a road worse then the one you're on. You think to yourself with words of (actual) wisdom. You smile at what you just said and think
You know what, I should write that down. Who knows, Nightshade might need to hear that one day, and considering that I'm her father, I know that she will need plenty of advice in the future.
Just as you are about to think and grab your notebook and pencil from The Inventory, you can't help but think...
Comment on how the disguise spell is lasting alot longer than usual... Cue disguise spell failing and you cursing yourself for jinxing it.
I'm surprised my disguise spell has lasted this long. Usually by now it would have *poof* wore... off...
Just as you're thinking that, your disguise spell gives out and you turn back into your old buggy self. Just before you can hide or curse your jinxing, you hear the door in front of you opening and you turn to see... the six mares are standing there staring at you...
"I would just like to say that I now officially hate trains." You say to them in a deadpanned tone.
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 56: It Didn't Work?...IT DIDN'T WORK!!
Immediately you begin to wonder what you ever did to the universe to make it hate you so much. I mean this is like the tenth time every single one of them has caught you with your metaphorical trousers down. You start to think that now might not be such a bad time to take that worse path and jump off the train that will soon be filled with pain.
You immediately begin to wonder what you did to the universe to make it hate you so much.
Was it that time I pranked my ex-queen by dyeing her mane pink and her tail blue? Was it the time I gave all the guards diarrhea by sneaking in a Carolina Reaper Pepper into their smoothies? Was it ANY of the pranks I pulled with grandbuggy? Oh no... it has be all the times I would sneak out of the hive so I could play all those new games, like "Murdered Soul Suspect" and "Infamous: Second Son" isn't it! I couldn't help it universe, those games were awesome? Plus, "Infamous" is one of my favorite game series, I had to check it out!
You continue to think of more reasons as to why the universe hates you. You know that it does hate you for some reason, given that this is the, what, tenth time every single one of these mares have caught you with your metaphorical trousers down.
Why do I now have the intense urge to wear pants now?
You shrug off the urge and decide to worry about it later, for now you start to think that the window next to you looks very inviting...
"Oh no you don't!"
Suddenly, all the windows near you are covered in a white magical aura, and you look over to Rarity to see that she has a smug smile.
Drat! She must have seen me looking at the windows or something like that and now she must have put a magical barrier around them. Well there goes emergency plan 6b/4. Welp... time for classic escape plan B.69.
Just as you are about to initiate your plan, the weirdest thing happens...
Before the Mares can do anything to you, the badly bruised bandit suddenly bursts in with his (now broken) knife and screams "FOR THE LAST BUCKING TIME! EVERYPONY GET THEM HOOVES UP OR I'M GONNA START... slicing... ponies..." and freezes as he sees six angry (and one confused) glares in his direction. "Why didn't I stay in law school-"(*Cue beatdown by Rainbow Dash and Applejack*)
A brown earth-pony stallion wearing a torn bandanna and looking like he just finished a shift as Clubber Lang's punching bag bursts in. He takes out a broken knife and screams,
"FOR THE LAST BUCKING TIME! EVERYPONY GET THEM HOOVES UP OR SO... help... me..." (*clink*)
The stallion freezes and drops his knife in terror when he sees six angry (and one very confused) glares directed at him. He chuckles nervously and asks,
"I don't suppose ya didn't hear me say that, would ya?"
The six mares (and you) shake their heads "no" and Rainbow begins to walk over to him menacingly while cracking her neck. He then just says in sad defeat,
"Why didn't I stay in law schoo-"
His sentence is interrupted when Pinkie suddenly screams...
"GET HIM!"
The next thing you (and the poor bandit) know, Rainbow, Applejack, and Pinkie charge the bandit and engulf him in a dust cloud of violence, blows, and unstallionly screaming. The poor stallion didn't stand a chance. You can't help but cringe cause you know exactly how it feels to be pounded by those mares.
At least they aren't beating me up for once.You think to yourself in relief.
You notice that the mares are all distracted by the beat-down, so you decide that you don't need to use plan B.69 after all. You start to use your stealth skills (translation; you tiptoe) to sneak towards the door that is behind the mares, when...
Try to sneak away in the confusion, but Twilight, Pinkie, or Rarity proclaim "Where do you think you're going!". Cue RCV "LOOK! A DISTRACTION!" and obligatory wacky chase scene.
You gulp. This might be the end, and if it is truly the end, then you're going to end how you begun. "HEY, LOOK, A DISTRACTION!" Nopony looks. You are a dead bug.
Twilight rushes in front of the door and says menacingly,
"And just where do you think you're going?"
You gulp in fear and say,
"I'm... going to the rest room?"
Twilight gives you a look that says 'Are you serious?'. You gulp again and decide that you should use plan B-69 after all. You charge up your RCV and yell...
"LOOK A DISTRACTION!"
...
Nothing. She didn't turn around or look away at all! You stare at her in surprise and think in panic,
It didn't work... IT DIDN'T STINKING WORK! IT ALWAYS WORKS! WHAT KIND OF SHE-DEVIL IS SHE! I'M A DEAD BUG. A DEAD BUG I TELLS YA!
Twilight then gives you a smug look before she pulls earplugs out of her... well, ears and says,
"I knew ear plugs would work!"
You can't help but face-hoof at the fact that earplugs, of all things, are the thing that defies your ultimate escape plan.
This mare keeps on thinking of ways to make my escape plans worthless! First my teleport spell with her stupid Deactivate Magic spell, and now this! You think to yourself in terror. *ding*
Wait a minute, Twilight is a librarian, who has an obsession with books. She must have had thousand back in that library... house... tree thing? Whatever, you get an idea. It's drastic, but might just save your buggy skin.
Wait, I just got a crazy idea that might just work! Twilight's a librarian who has an obsession with books. Right? If I remember from when she chased me back at the library correctly, she lives in the Ponyville library. She must have had thousands of books back in that library... house... tree thing? Whatever... It's stupid and would never work even if it was a comedy, but stupid ideas tend to save my buggy skin, soooo...
With that thought in mind, you think about what you need and you pull it out of The Inventory. It is...
Hold up a Book and say, "Back or the book gets it". (The books are hundreds of years old. They did come from the ancient castle, after all. Very valuable first editions.)
a can of WD-40 and yell "Nopony move or the books get it!" "Really ya varmint? That's the best y'all got, books." "Are you kidding?! Those are signed first editions! That lubricant will make the pages unreadable!"
The "How to be A Gentle Colt 101" book and a can of WD-40. You hold the book close and aim the spray at the book as you look over to Twilight and say,
"Everypony back or the book gets it!"
The rest of the mares hear your outburst and look over at you. Applejack (who apparently is done beating the poor bandit to a pulp) just gives you a bemused look and says,
"Really ya varmint? That's the best y'all got? A book and a can of WD-40-"
Twilight interrupts Applejack with a glare as she says,
"Are you kidding?! That book is a signed first edition with the original preface by the author and the attached fallow bookmark made from his lucky silk handkerchief! There's only been 3 of those known to still be in existence and that lubricant will make the pages unreadable!"
Seeing as how you now hold all the cards, you say to them,
"Now, purple one, back away from the door and none of you try anything or this book will be as about as readable as a... really dark poster... written in an extinct langu- JUST BACK OFF!"
Twilight nods her head rapidly and she backs away from the door and the rest stay where they are. You slowly begin to walk over to the door, never taking your eyes off the mares when...
Given Twilight's urging her friends backward so that they don't harm the ancient tome, you take a bit of time to insult them on your way out... "Well, well, well. What have we here? A violent speciesist Nazi, her rampaging harm-everything terrorist wife, a purple pseudo-pacifist puppet to the crown, an escapee from the mental institution, a whining prissy voodoo-doll stabbing priestess, and a pathetic, unassertive failure to do what's right." (You're giving some tough love to Fluttershy right now). "While I'd be honored to accept your thanks for my saving Appleloosa from imminent war by diverting their attentions from each other and uniting them under a single enemy, I'm still not over the fact that you all want to kill my daughter. I'll therefore, gratifying you with my presence is no longer a desirable option for me. You have all caused me nothing but pain."
You decide to take advantage of Twilight's urging to keep the rest of the mares back by deciding to let off some steam at the mares by acting like the villain they think you are. So you insult them while talking in a stereotypical evil British accent,
"Well, well, well this is a surprise. The 'heroes' of Equestria which consist of: a violent species-ist hick, her arrogant fillyfooler marefriend with serious anger issues, a purple pseudo-pacifist puppet to the crown, an escapee drug-addict from the loony bin, a whiny prissy voodoo-doll stabbing 'fashionista', and a pathetic, unassertive failure to do what's right."
You give Fluttershy a apologetic nod, and she notices and nods back. You then continue,
"You all claim to be SO mighty, but you're all staying away from me because of a book! And while I'd be honored to accept your thanks for my saving Appleloosa from imminent war by diverting their attentions from each other and uniting them under a single enemy, I'm still not over the fact that you 'heroes' all want to kill me. And your princess trying to send my daughter to the gallows haven't slipped my mind either by the way. Therefore, gratifying you with my presence is no longer a desirable option for me.You have all caused me nothing but pain and misery, so I bid you all good day... Well, there’s a name for you ladies that I want to use, but it isn't used in high society… outside of a kennel."
And with that you quickly put the WD-40 can and the book back into The Inventory before you turn around and...
RUN, MAN, RUN!!!!!!!!
You do what you should have done at the beginning...
"DUCK COVER!" Pinkie screams causing the mares and any nearby passengers to all scramble and duck for cover as you hit the deck behind the refreshment cart, throw your arms over your head, slam your eyes shut and...
Nothing.
You pop out from cover in confusion to see Pinkie standing in the aisle holding a pillow before saying,
"I'm glad I grabbed this pillow in time! That soda would have ruined the adorable duck design on the cover!"
EVERYLING in the car looks at Pinkie in various combinations of bemusement and shock.
"Well, that was anticlimactic" you mutter out loud which catches the mares attention. You chuckle nervously as they glare at you,
Me and my big mouth... you think in annoyance at yourself before you buck the soda cart, causing it to roll down the aisle and knock over Rainbow Dash and Applejack (who happened to be the first ones to rush out onto the aisle. See kids? Being "first" is overrated)
Using the runaway cart to gain some distance, you begin to look around for any windows that are opened nearby as you rush past a bunch of ponies and other creatures on the train as you're making your getaway (reactions range from surprise to indifference and one cranky donkey (*) even throws a can of ginger ale at your head). But, as you are so focused on looking for a window, you don't notice a TARDIS colored pegasus until...
*CRASH*
You find yourself on the ground and as you shake your head you hear,
"Hey watch were your going yah... jerk..." You open your eyes and see Lighting Chaser who just stopped talking when she realized that you're a changeling. You decide to take advantage of her confusion by...
During the chase, you ram into Lightning Chaser and get knocked to the ground. Seeing an opportunity to escape the mares AND get some payback, you quickly disguise yourself as Lightning Chaser and say in a terrified voice "HELP! This brute assaulted me, turned into me, and is trying to mug me!" Before Lightning Chaser can do anything, Lady Luck decides to cut you a small break as the crazy mare is attacked by the three mares.
Immediately transforming into her and scream,
"HELP! This brute assaulted me, turned into me, and is trying to mug me!"
Before you know it, Lighting is tackled by an blue and orange blur. You take your time to stand up and walk away from the fight as you think to yourself,
Not surprised those two got here first. Guess they're as fast as they are mean.
You chuckle at the fact that you somehow manage to (barely) outrun them. Your transformation ends and the dust cloud drops and you see... Lighting biting down on Applejack's front hoof, and Rainbow has another hoof in her eye. Applejack has her hoof in Rainbows gut, and Rainbow has her front hoof in Lighting's gut. They look at you and you begin to chuckle nervously before you see a opened window near you. You give a smug look and you say,
"Sorry ladies but..."
You pause to nonchalantly climb onto the window as Pinkie, Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy arrive and you continue,
"This is my stop."
And with that you jump out the window while yelling,
You were hoping that you would jump out of the train while it was over a lake, a nice flower patch, or even a group of bunnies. But nope, you jump out over a...
Dive, jump, or get knocked out of train only to painfully fall, tumble, and bump down cliff into the Everfree Forest
A cliff overlooking that dumb forest. You start to fall, tumble, and bump down the cliff into the dumb forest, and while most creatures would be screaming in pain, you on the other hoof are screaming out your hate to lady luck and the forest...
"CURSE YOU (*bump*) LADY LUCK (*crash*)CURSE YOU FOREST (*wham*) CURSE YOU BOTH TO TARTARUS (*bump*) IF I EVER GET MY HOOFS (*crash*) AROUND YOUR NECKS (*wham*) OR GET ENOUGH MATCHES (*crash*)THEN YOUR BOTH DEAD (*crash*) YOU HEAR ME! (*bump*) DEAD (*wham*) OWW!"
You continue on like this until you reach the bottom of the cliff face-first. You continue to grumble in anger when a random though enters your mind...
You need to spend a little time bonding with nightshade. You haven't had much chance to talk with her unless she's eating something or popping out of inventory at the wrongest of moments.
I need to spend more time with my daughter.
You can't help but agree with your random thought.
It would be nice to spend some time with Nightshade, especially considering that I usually only see her when she's either hungry or she pops out of The Inventory... Oh buck! I just remembered, I haven't seen Nightshade since I made her promise to stay in bed no matter what! I'll immediately check up on her and then I'll plan a whole day wi-
"HEY! Let go of me!" you hear a filly yell,
"Nightshade?!"
"This one should be good for mine work, do yous agree?"
Of course that is after you BEAT THE EVER LIVING LIFE OUT OF WHOEVER JUST SAID THAT! You quickly get up and look over to were you heard the soon-to-be-pulp person and see... the Inventory open with its contents scattered and three dog-like things that look like this (I'm lazy give me a break). But what catches your attention is the fact that the middle-sized dog one is holding a flailing and struggling Nightshade upside down by her tail. He looks over to you and sneers,
"What do you want bug, can't you see we're getting a new miner here."
*snap*
THEY ARE DEAD!!!
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 57: ANGRY BUGZE VS. THE DIAMOND DOGS...And singing?
You glare at the diamond dog with enough hate that it could burn the damn thing alive. You are suddenly surrounded by a dark aura and very menacingly you ask "....What.....Are.....You......Stupid......Dogs.....Doing....With....MY.....DAUGHTER!?!?!?!?" As you yell this your eyes turn orange and smoke comes out of your nose. "D-daddy?" Nightshade asks fearfully and shocked. "Close your eyes Nightshade, your ears too" You say not removing your eyes from the diamond dog. "B-but-" "NOW nightshade" Nightshade listens to you and you stomp forward towards the dog.
*snap*
You start to glare at the dog-like beings, your orange eyes glowing with enough hate that it could burn the dog thing alive and behind you a scary looking mask begins to form, which causes both Nightshade and the dog-like beings to flinch in fear. You would have questioned it and wondered what it is or how it's there, but you're too angry at the moment to care. You then ask in a menacing tone,
"...What are you STUPID mutts doing... With... MY... DAUGHTER!?!?!?!?"
As you yell out the last bit in the RCV, knocking over the dog-like beings, the "Nightmare Cloak" begins to cover you. Your anger continues to grow bigger and bigger as you continue to glare at the dog-like beings, but you can't help but feel that you are losing control.
This is the Ursa Minor incident all over again You think, I can't maintain control much longer...
With the last of your control you teleport Nightshade out of the dog-like beings grip and put her near The Inventory. Nightshade looks at you in fear and asks in both fear and shock,
"D-daddy?"
Keeping your glare on the dogs you say,
"Nightshade, sweetie, daddy's about to do something very mean to these nasty creatures, and daddy doesn't think he'll have much control when he does. So please sweetie, go into The Inventory and close your eyes and your ears too... somehow."
Nightshade looks at you in fear and says,
"But, daddy-"
"NOW NIGHTSHADE!" You interrupt in the RCV as you feel the last of your control slipping.
Nightshade looks at you in shock and terror, before nodding her little head as she ducks into The Inventory. You then look over to the dog like beings and...
As you stare at them your anger finally breaking you fail to notice your eye twitch, and a necromancer walk up to you, using him magic he raise the dead around you. The undead seem to have instruments and they began to play (Activate ass kicking music) the music starts slow and you began to walk torus the dogs. They look at you with a mix of confusion and fear. The music begins to pick up and a wicked smile forms on your face,
Start to advance on them as your eye twitches. Suddenly, a pony in a brown cloak walks up to you and his horn glows a eerily black aura and soon a bunch of skeleton ponies come out of the dead. The skeleton ponies seem to have instruments and they begin to play. The music starts slow but it begins to pick up faster and faster the closer you get to the dog like beings. You don't notice any of this randomness as your anger begins to reach it's peek and the "Nightmare Cloak" is almost done forming, your fox tail beginning to form as well. Suddenly the music stops and the dog-like beings begin to sigh in relief cause you stopped coming towards them, but the dark voice returns,
"Are you just gonna let these filthy mongrels defy you?"
The dogs start to worry again when a wicked grin begins to form on your nightmare-cloaked face and you finally...
The thought of the Dimond dog using your daughter for forced labor breaks something in your mind. Your facial expression changes to something sinister while your body begins to shake violently. You grin showing your sharp, changeling teeth and begin a psychotic laugh. Confuse and disturbed, the Dimond dogs begin to inch away from the disturbed changeling. Forgetting about Nightshade's existence, she slips out of the Dimond dogs grip and enters THE INVENTORY. The largest of the dogs questions Bugze, "What bug pony find funny !?" The larger d dog snarls. Bugze slowly walks towards them ( you remember a quote from one of your favorite psycho's from borderlands and your grin widens further). Before you starts the beat down, you screams, "Ill open your veins WITH MY TEEETH!"
The dog-like beings begin to inch away from you with looks of disturbed confusion and the largest one asks you in a scared tone,
"Wha.. what bug pony find funny!?"
You continue your walk towards them, still laughing like a maniac, when you remember a quote from one one of your favorite psychos from "Borderlands". Right as your about to reach them, you scream out in a psychotic voice...
"I'LL RIP OUT YOUR VEINS WITH MY TEETH!"
And with that... you attack!
Go ape shit on them, aka, falcon punch, no shadow kick, and shoryuken to each of the diamond dogs in that order (after teleporting nightshade out of his grip)
Attack! Always attack! (Napoleon Bonaparte) Go on the offensive, before they get a chance to use their numbers.
In a rage, use No Shadow Kick on Rover (middle-sized leader holding Nightshade) which makes him drop Nightshade before you land and quickly hit Fido (the biggest one) with Falcon Punch which sends him smashing through a tree and into a nearby mountain wall. You turn your glowing-orange glare on Spot (smallest one) who calls in reinforcements on a whistle. 5 Armored Guard dogs with spears burst out of the ground, but you use Fus Ro Dah to send all of them (and Spot) slamming into the wall where Fido was knocked into.
This starts to play in the back ground, but you don't care. You leap at the frozen-in-fear dogs and cry out,
"NO SHADOW KICK!"
Before hitting the middle-sized leader with a rapid flurry of kicks at his chest before the final kick connects with his face and sends him flying into a nearby cliff wall. You land and teleport in front of the biggest dog before charging up a punch (which instead of being fiery color, it's now a midnight blue color) and crying out,
"FALCON PUNCH!"
The punch hits the big dog-like creature in the stomach and sends him smashing though several trees before smashing right into the middle-sized one (who was still stuck to the wall).
You turn and cry out,
"SHORYUKEN!"
And throw a rising uppercut at the small one, but he quickly dodges the attack with a roll and blows into a whistle. Suddenly, five armored dog-like beings carrying spears pop out of the ground next to the small dog. He looks at you smugly, but that smile soon fades when you give out another psychotic laugh. You then charge up your lungs and yell...
"FUS RO DAH!"
The yell of power uproots several trees and sends all the dogs flying into the cliff wall. You stride menacingly towards the dog pancakes on the cliff wall when you hear the dark voice whisper,
"Hahahahaha! That's what those pathetic inferior mongrels deserve for thinking they can take me... FINISH THEM!!!"
However, as your distracted by the dark whisper, the dog-like beings recover and start digging. You run faster, but they disappear into the ground just as you arrive. You look around in a feral rage, waiting for them to come back up...
After Bugzy gives the Diamond Dogs a few solid, and well deserved smacks, they burrow underground to avoid getting hit more while also popping up to taunt him, as we know they like to do. Then after a solid hour (or several) of playing whack-a-dog, Bugzy gets exhausted and the dogs come back to the surface to rub it in his face.
You suddenly feel a whack on your back and you turn to see an armored-dog retreating back into the ground. Another dog pops up and the same thing happens. In your current state of mind you don't think rationally, which causes you to swing your tail down on the holes they make, missing them by a inch each time. They would taunt you each time you missed as they continued their "hit-and-burrow" tactics, making you angrier and angrier. This failed game of "whack-a-dog" goes on for a hour or two before you finally collapse from exhaustion. The dog-like beings come out of their hole and they begin to walk over to your heavily-breathing form. The big one sinkers and says in a victorious tone,
"Hahaah looks like the protector is all bark and no bite, it seems."
The small one nods his head and adds,
"Yah, what happen to 'yous gonna open ours veins with yours teeth'." and begins to laugh as well.
The middle-sized one then says,
"Dig dogs, get bag with small pony. We need our miner!"
Your increasing rage causes the "Nightmare Cloak" comes back on and you launch yourself into the air before slamming back down in a shockwave that launches the Diamond Dogs into the air where you grab them with your tail and start repeatedly slamming them around you before throwing them into a wall. You slowly advance on the whimpering mutts as the voice comes back urging you to "Put these mongrels down" before Nightshade calms you down.
The thought of those filthy creatures enslaving your daughter breaks something in your mind. You let out a monstrous scream as your body shakes violently, changeling teeth growing sharper, horns sprouting out of your head, the aura gets larger and more unstable, causing the dogs to stumble back in panic.
"What's happening Rover!"
"Me don't know!".
You then give out a monstrous roar that causes any living thing nearby to start running....
You then glare at the downed dog like creatures as they cower in fear and the dark voice in your head says,
"Yesss...yessss feed your rage. Use your rage and kill them. KILL THEM ALL! Ahahahhahah!
You decide to listen to the dark voice as you raise your tail into the air before slamming straight down into the ground with earth-shaking force, knocking down the dog-like beings around you and launching you high into the air. On a dark instinct, you cover yourself in a midnight-colored forcefield before launching yourself at the ground at high-speed and crying out before impact,
"METEOR IMPACT!"
You slam into the ground causing a large shockwave that levels the nearby landscape and launches all the dog-like beings into the air. Next, you lash out with your tail and grab all the dog-like beings in mid-air before you then start wildly and repeatedly slamming them around you in a flailing frenzy. This frenzy causes more rock formations to sprout out of the ground with each hit, which causes your surroundings to look like a rocky mountain area. You then throw the dog-like beings, sending them slamming into the cliff wall behind you. You slowly turn around and begin to menacingly walk towards the dog-like beings as they whimper in terror and the dark tiny voice in your head whispers with sadistic glee,
"Yesssss! Put those unsavory filthy mongrels down! Show them the power of the Nightmare!"
You decide to give in to the dark voice in your head, and you are about to give the finishing blow, when you hear a voice cry out,
"Daddy, stop!!"
Nightshade darts in front of you and begins to hug you. She then whispers to you,
"It's okay daddy. You taught them their lesson. You don't need to hurt them anymore. Besides, I bet they will never try to do this ever again... right doggies?"
She says that last part when she looks over to the down dog like things. They shake their heads yes in fear and say,
"Yes! Yes! We's promise never to try and make a small pony a forced miner ever again! We swear!"
You breath a deep sigh and your Nightmare Cloak shrinks, returning you to your normal Buggy self and you hear the dark voice scream in anger at it failing to make you kill the dog like creatures. You can't help but think in a worried and fearful tone What was that, I felt so munch...rage and hatred. If Nightshade didn't stop me *shiver* I don't even want to think about it. For now on I need to control my anger. No one will be safe if I don't You nod your head in determination before you follow Nightshade back to the Inventory where you both start to pick up and put away your stuff when...
A wounded Rover stumbles across your coat and (after a LONG time of thinking) realizes you're The Hooded Offender. He and the other dogs immediately begs to be your minions (Nightshade explains in a book she read while in Appleloosa, dog-like creatures operate on "pack mentality" and by dominating them, you've become their "alpha")
"What that?" you hear the bruised middle-sized dog say,
You turn your head towards him and notice he's pointing at your hooded coat which you're currently putting into the inventory. You reply,
"Oh, it's just my awesome coat."
The middle-sized dog-like creature keeps shifting his look between your coat and you before you hear a *ding* and he approaches you with the other Diamond Dogs cautiously following/limping after him. You quickly shove Nightshade into the Inventory, push the Inventory behind you and take a defensive stance, your eyes glowing orange. The lead dog-like creature stops a few feet in front of you and...
Rolls on his back, paws drawn in, and belly up? The other dog-like creatures immediately follow suit. You stand there confused before saying,
"...What the hay is happenin-"
"I know!" Nightshade interrupts. You look down and see her head poking out of The Inventory as she continues,
"I remember this book back in Appleloosa said that dogs live in packs led by an 'alpha' and they choose the 'alpha' by fighting for dominance. By beating them up, you've become the alpha and rolling on their back is how they show submission."
You give a confused look to the lead dog and ask,
"Is this true?"
"Small pony is right, Mr. Cloaked Ebony Storm sir."
You nod slowly and respond,
"Uhhhh huh- Wait, what'd you call me?"
"Everydog hear of Obsidian Meany-Mean Pants." He answers while still on his back "Most wanted, most powerful, most evil bad guy in Equestria."
"Okaaaaaay... One, it's 'The Hooded Offender' and Two, who are you?"
"Oh, me Rover, (*points to big one*) he Fido, (*points to small one*) he Spot, (*points to armored ones*) others Dig Dogs. We Diamond Dogs"
"Isn't that a nearby kingdom?"
Wait...how do I even know that?!
"Kingdom of Dimondia, but we banished for being 'too rough'. Now we want gems. Need pony to find gems."
"Well, I'm flattered, but- Hold up, did you say gems?"
"Yes. Diamond Dogs love gems."
*ding*
You accept them as your minions, reasoning that under your control, they won't cause as much trouble as being on their own.
Well... those gems could help pay off my debt to the Doctor and I AM kinda unemployed at the moment. Maybe under my command, they'll cause a LOT less trouble than if left on their own. Besides... I always wanted to have minions. You think to yourself with a smirk. You then put on your "villain voice" and declare,
"Arise, my minions."
The Diamond Dogs all get back on their feet. Spot (the little one) then says,
"I swear I's always has your back..."
He then mutters, "In my sights... Wait, did me say that out loud?"
The other diamond dogs roll their eyes at Spot, but fortunately for the little diamond dog, you were too busy putting on your awesome coat while thinking,
First things first, I need to make my minions a bit smarter and possibly a bit more good. I need to think of a REALLY stupid, insane evil plan that not even the dumbest dog will agree to...*ding*
Hoping to scare them onto the path of good you decide to try to drive the Diamond Dogs away by acting like cliched mean boss supervillain and think up of the craziest, dumbest plan you can: Foalnapping Princess Celestia
Suddenly, this song starts playing as you walk between the rock formations with your coat on and start singing,
"I know that your powers of retention Are as dull as a statue's boredom But dumb as you are,"
You spot Fido digging at a glint in the ground so you go over to him and bark,
"Pay attention! My words are a matter of wisdom It's clear from your vacant expressions The lights are not all on upstairs But we're talking princesses and ransoms"
You spot 2 armored Dig Dogs ignoring your number in favor of playing "rock-paper-scissors" (a game you always sucked at due to your lack of luck... and fingers... and ability to remember what beats what...) and you teleport in front of them, catching them offguard as you say,
"Even YOU can't be caught unawares! So prepare for a chance of a lifetime Be prepared for sensational news Shining new gemstones Are tiptoeing nearer"
Spot speaks up,
"And where do we's feature?"
You pinch his cheek with your magic as you continue,
"Just listen to teacher I know it sounds sordid But you'll be rewarded When at last I am given my dues!"
You teleport to the top of a rock pillar and continue,
"An injustice deliciously squared..."
Spot suddenly leaps at you from behind with a spear(*smack*), but you accidentally hit him with your arm when you throw your limbs back at the last part sending the treacherous Diamond Dog landing in a pile of rubble. Oblivious to this attempted coup, you continue,
"Be prepared!"
Rover then excitedly says,
"Yeah! Be prepared. We be prepared... For what?"
"For the disappearance of the princess!"
"She on vacation?"
"No fool, We're going to snatch her and her little bird too."
"Great idea! Who needs a princess?"
Then all of the Diamond Dogs start hopping around while singing,
"No princess, no princess! La la la la la la!"
"Boneheads! There's still princesses!" Nightshade yells, popping her head out of the Inventory.
Rover then says,
"But Hooded Offender said..."
"I am still alpha! Stick with me and you'll never go gem-less again!"
Fido excitedly says,
"Yay! Long live alpha!"
The 5 Dig Dogs then all say,
"Long live alpha! Long live alpha"
Before they start marching around your pillar in a triangle formation singing,
"It's great we soon be connected With alpha who be all-time adored!"
You smile wickedly at their praise, and you continue to sing,
"Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected To take certain duties on board The future is littered with gemstones And though I'm the main addressee The point that I must emphasize is..."
You leap down from your rock pillar before declaring in the RCV at the Diamond Dogs,
"You won't get a pebble without me!"
Your yell causes the ground to shake, releasing gases that start shifting the rock formations, but you just leap from rock to rock as you continue singing, with the Diamond dogs singing in the background,
"So prepare for the scheme of the century Be prepared for the murkiest scam Meticulous planning (We get gems!) Tenacity spanning (Lots of rubies!) Decades of denial (Sapphires!) Is simply why I'll (Endless jewels!)"
The pillar you land on starts rising as you continue,
"Be alpha undisputed Respected, saluted And seen for the wonder I am! Yes, my hood and ambitions are bared Be prepared!"
The Diamond Dogs all sing,
Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared- Be prepaaaaaaared!
When the song's over, you jump from your tall rock pillar and use your coat to slowly descend to in front of the Diamond Dogs and say,
"So, are you all still on-board my scheme to foalnap a centuries-old alicorn surrounded by platoons of armored guards who can control the stinkin sun or should we just do something else?"
This is perfect... You think to yourself, There's no way these Diamond Dogs could possibly be dumb enough to-
"YES!" the diamond dogs all yell at once "Imagine big shiny gems she find!"
Your jaw drops to the ground as you think to yourself...
Luna, what have I started...
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 58: This Is What Happens When You Give An Idiot Minions
You really have no clue what you just did. There was evil music and rock formations...and LION KING OH MY GOD IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. But now you realize you might have gone too far. I mean, snatching the Princess and her beloved bird? Could you even pull that off? "Um, you know what, that was stupid, let's...uh let's all gather round and watch Netflix together!" you say. Your suggestion is met with silence, and Nightshade face hoofs and shakes her head.
Spot is being a Starscream and keeps trying to overthrow you (and like Starscream, all his coup attempts fail hilariously and Bugze doesn't even notice them
What... what did I just do?Is the only thought going though your mind at the moment.
One minute you were seconds away from destroying the Diamond Dogs, the next you're their leader and now you're planning suicidal high treason by plotting to foalnap the stinking sun princess! You decide that things have officially gone too far. Sure at the beginning of all this it sounded like a good idea. Get some minions, nab as many gems as possible, then pay off The Doctors debt. Simple right? Now you're about to do the stupidest thing anyling has ever done in the history of stupidness (coming from the changeling who practically spat in the princesses faces, that's saying something).
You're gonna kidnap a sun goddess...
WHAT WAS I THINKING! I mean all there was was some evil music and rock formations and... JUST HOW STUPID ARE THESE DOGS! I mean the whole point of this stupid plan was that they would not agree to it. But nooooo, I get the dumbest minions in the world. And considering how my stupid plans usually work out, I'm afraid that it might actually work... ha yeah right!
You decide to voice how stupid this plan is and hopefully convince the group not to get killed.
"Um, you know what, that was stupid, let's... uh let's all gather round and... uh... watch some movies together!"
...
Nothing. Just silence is met with your suggestion. You chuckle nervously and you hear someling sigh and you look at The Inventory (which you have put back on) to see that Nightshade is looking at you with a look that says 'really daddy, really.' You duck down to whisper to her, so you don't notice Spot throw one of the Dig Dogs helmets at where your head was. It missed when you ducked and it ricochets off a tree that was behind you and bonks Spot right in the face. The other dogs role their eyes at their shorter companion. You don't notice any of this as you are too busy talking with your daughter...
"Nightshade, honey, the next time daddy decides to do something stupid, do me a favor and stop me from doing it, okay?"
Nightshade nods her little head and says, "Aye aye daddy."
She then salutes you and then she pops back into The Inventory. You give a sigh of relief at the fact that your daughter would stop you from doing anything stupid... again. You then look over to your new minions...
As you looked at your new Minions ypu cant help but think they would look god in purple.
As you look over your bruised and battered minions (thanks to you) you can't help but think of one thing. One thing that is so important that nothing can compare to it. Something so awesome that not even Sapphre Shores (you admit that you are a fan of hers... a big fan... okay number one fan... potential stalker... Look you have a closet shrine for her, okay? Sheesh) could compare to it. Not even the reveal of the oldest question in the universe (42) could compare to this. And that thought is...
These dog would look good in purple...
Yeahhhhh... you really need to either get a life or find a hobby or something. You shake your head at the thought and decide that, as the new boss, to get down to business. But, what should you do first? You put on your thinking face and you begin to think of what you should do first....
...
*ding*
Have the Diamond Dogs take you to their gems, only to find they have very little (Diamond Dogs say they had to give it to "Miss Rarity" which makes Bugze believe that Rarity is some sort of greedy thief... only to change your mind when the DD say they DID try to foalnap her, but had to release her because she was so annoying. Cue facehoof and remembering to get earplugs for Diamond Dogs)
First things first, I'll ask them to take me to their gems, after that I'll just... I'll think of something. You think to yourself in a confused tone. You nod your head at your idea and you scream,
"ATTENTION!"
All the Diamond Dogs immediately stop what they were doing, and they get in a straight line while they are saluting. You begin to walk down the line in front of them while saying in a loud yet gruff voice,
"Listen up maggots! As I am the new alpha, my word is law! You will listen to every signal one of my commands as if your life depended on it! Cause it does! From now on you will only respond to me with three words 'master yes master!' Do you understand!"
You pause and wait for the dogs to respond.
"Master yes, master!"
You shake your head and scream,
"YOU LIE, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
The Diamond dogs immediately respond with a loud "MASTER YES, MASTER!" You nod your head as you continue to walk down the line and you continue to bark,
"Good! Now, you will not like me! You will come to hate me! But that does not matter, for you are under my command! I am hard and even possibly a bit insane, but I'm fair! I do not look down on dogs, ponies, Buffalo, or griffins. You are ALL equally worthless! Feel free to question my orders at your peril! Uh... Any questions?"
The Diamond Dogs stay silent for a few moments before you continue.
"Now I want you maggots to take me to the gem stash, is that understood!?"
The Diamond dogs nod their heads and and say, "Master yes, master!"
You shake your head again and scream, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
The dogs respond with a loud, "MASTER YES, MASTER!" You nod your head as you stop in front of the line of dogs and say...
Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the dogs of war. Except you're not in Ponyville yet. Your minions scatter, forcing you to chase them down and get them organized again.
"Havoc! Now take me to the gems dogs of war!"
The Diamond dogs nod their heads and they begin to run really fast away from you. You nod your head in satisfaction... until you realize that they are all going in different unorganized directions and are attacking everything in their path. Your eyes widen in shock before you shake it off and begin to chase after the dogs while screaming,
"Bad dogs! Bad! You stop scratching that tree! Rover put down that bird! Fido! Spit out that chipmunk this instant or so help me (*trip, whack*) Spot! Get yourself off the ground and stop running with spears before you poke someling's eye out! Oi Dig Dog 3, spit out the nice skeleton ponies bones, that's not a nice thing to do!"
2 HOURS LATER
After you finally managed to reorganize and calm the Diamond dogs, and after having to apologizes to some very angry animals (and skeletons, who didn't eat anylings brains because apparently. You and the dogs don't have any. Let's just say that you are very offended) you got them to lead you to their base. On the way their, the weirdest things would happen to Spot. Whenever he got close to you, he would trip and fall down on something painful. Like rocks, and bee hives, and even poison ivy! You would try and help him, but every time you did he would just shake his head and say,
"I'm fine master. Next time for sure... Alpha status will be mine!"
Anyway, apparently their base is right outside of Ponyville! You were surprised that they would have a base this close to the six mares home, and you wonder if this was another one of lady luck's cruel jokes. You decide to shrug it off for later, right now you needed to see how many gemstones your minions have. They led you to the very back of the cave, were apparently they kept all the gems they find. What you see is... not that much. In fact, the only gems they had were tiny, pebble sized gems.
Probably not very valuable either. You think to yourself in sadness before you sigh and ask Rover,
"Is this...all you have? I thought you told me you guys had a lot more then this?"
It's true, on the way here Spot was telling you about all the gems they have collected over the years. Rover chuckles nervously before he begins to explain,
"We use to have lots of pretty gems, but we forced to give them to Miss Rarity".
You give an annoyed sigh at this and think angrily,
Of course, not only is she a needle-wielding sadist who wants to turn me into a pincushion, but she also takes advantage of and robs the mentally weak! And they say I'm the bad guy!
You were gonna agree with your thought, if it weren't for the fact that Fido then says,
"We foalnap Miss Rarity to make her find gem-"
He flinched and backed away from you when your eyes turned orange at the mention of the word 'foalnap', but you shake your head to get rid of it and he cautiously continues,
"But she whine so much we forced to give her gems to make her stop and leave."
You struggle to hold back your laughter at this information,
I've been stabbed by needles, been whacked in the 'holy spot' by cabbages, had nature itself try and kill me, and have been on the receiving end of more beatdowns than most ponies had slices of pizza. But these guys get their flanks kicked by a pony whining? That in itself is hilarious. Also, note to self: get the Diamond dogs some ear plugs.
As you are holding back your laughter, you can't help but realize something...
Bugze realizes the value of his new minions. He could finally pay of his impossible high debt and change the diamond dogs for the greater good. Maybe he could even become one of the cool mob bosses like al Capone except not evil.
As you're wondering how to get out of this, an idea occurs. If you capture Princess Celestia, it would be a great time for the two of you to clear up some misconceptions that have arisen lately. You could tell her that you're trying to be one of the good guys, and ask her how to control your Nightmare cloak, and even ask her not to kill Nightshade! This plan might not be such a bad thing and end in pain and misery after all! (Thought the smartest changeling ever)
You know what, now that I think about it, this plan and new minions (really need a name for this group) might not be such a bad idea after all. With these minions and this plan, I might finally be able to pay off my debt to The Doctor after all! I could also make them into good guys. I could even become one of those cool mob bosses in those old movies I watched, like Ale Capony. But, you know, not evil or dying in a hail of arrows. And if I do capture Celestia, I could clear up all this "Your evil" and "Off with your head" problem. I could tell her that I've been a good bug all along! I could even ask her to get rid of... this.
You can feel the symbol on your chest glow as you thought about it. You put your hoof on it and continue to think,
I mean sure, the Nightmare Cloak is really powerful, but... it's too dangerous. I'm a danger to everyling around me while I have this power, with Celestia's help, I could save alot of ponies. Plus, I could ask her to tell her sister not to kill Nightshade! I should probably find out why she wants her dead in the first place too. Yeah... this plan might not end in me being in pain or misery after all!(thought the smartest changeling ever.)
As you begin to nod your head at your thought process, you hear
Grrrrrowl...
You quickly realize that was you're stomach telling you that you're hungry so you order,
"You heard my stomach. Any of you dogs got any food?"
"Master yes Master!" Rover replies "Big dogs! Get master food and drink."
The Dig Dogs run off before returning with a golden gem-lined cup of water and... Several raw slices of meat. You get a bit queasy at this. Even though changelings feed on love and are generally omnivores when not eating love, you've always been a vegetarian ever since you saw that film by "Ponies for the Ethical Treatment of Animals" about the horrid conditions in Griffin meat-packing plants (you still occasionally get flashbacks whenever you hear a pig squeal). You then say,
"I'm a vegetarian you fools! Do you have anything NOT ripped off of a dying animal?!"
The Dogs flinch back in fear before Rover nervously responds,
"B-but... Master, we meat-eaters. Only non-meat food in Ponyville."
Okay... Let's see: I'm a wanted fugitive who's normal and coated form are easily recognizable and my changeling disguise spell is extremely unreliable. you think to yourself How am I going to get food from Ponyville-
Give intentionally/obviously stupid/insane orders in hopes that minions will spot the obvious flaws and think up of more sensible plans
Order them to steal 40 cakes (which is as many as four tens And that's terrible) from Sugercube Corner WHILE Princess Celestia is drinking tea inside
I know! I can use my minions to get me food! I can even hit two birds with one stone if I give them an stupidly insane order and maybe they'll see the flaws and make up a better plan. But what would work...
As you're thinking, you start to remember things from your last visits to Ponyville and details of what the six mares were discussing on the train. *ding*Got it!
"Minions. There is a building in Ponyville that looks like a gingerbread house. It's a bakery where Princess Celestia should be having tea right about now. I want you to steal 40 cakes from there asap!"
Stealing a big load of cakes from a bakery in broad daylight while the bucking sun goddess is inside? Noling would be dumb enough to-
"Master yes master!"
Express mental annoyance at minions unquestioning going along with stupid orders, but let them attempt orders anyway (you rationalize that letting them get hurt will teach them why the order was stupid so they'll know better next time. You can just rescue them before things get too bad)
You resist the urge to facehoof as you think,
Okay... My minions clearly have more fur than brains. Well... Pain is a memorable teacher (I know that firsthoof) so I'll just let them go ahead, fail, get injured, then come in and save them. Hopefully, they'll know better in the future.
You see the Diamond Dogs still standing there and you command,
"Well what are you waiting for... GET TO IT!"
The Diamond Dogs all stumble over themselves to get out of the cave and rush off towards where you think Ponyville is-
"Oh buck!" you shout as you realize something before you start pacing in circles and panicking to yourself.
"Those five ponies, the dragon, AND the bucking sun goddess are there and those dogs are not only dumb as rocks, but they're still injured from that thrashing I gave them! I just sent those dogs on a bucking suicide mission! Oh, my first day as evil overlord and I already get all my minions killed! What do I do? WhatdoIdo?!"
"Daddy?"
You turn and see Nightshade with a deck of cards and she continues.
"I'm hungry and I'm bored. Play 'Go Fish' with me till the doggies come back with food."
Thanks to your daughter, you forget about your worries and play cards with her (Fido left them behind)
7 GAMES LATER
Get shocked when the Diamond Dogs (barely) succeed at the stupid orders
After playing (and losing) seven rounds of "Go Fish" with Nightshade, you hear a commotion and look at the cave entrance to see...
The Diamond Dogs pulling a cart with 40 cakes in it. Your jaw drops to the floor as Nightshade looks at the cart in joy. You pick up your jaw and ask,
"How... How the hay did you pull this off?"
Rover replies,
"We dig under Ponyville and arrive in kitchen. Princess pony already leaving so we steal cakes while everypony looking at Princess."
Of course... you think to yourself as you remember that they're called "Dig Dogs" for a reason. Seeing this as a chance for what those military movies and games call "recon", you ask,
"Did you notice ANY other ponies there? Specifically, a yellow pegasus with pink hair, an orange one with blonde hair and a hat, a rainbow pegasus with anger issues, a purple unicorn, 'Miss' Rarity', a crazy pink pony, a tiny purple dragon, and the princess's bird?"
All the Diamond Dogs huddle and mutter among themselves before they break off and Rover says,
"Uh... orange one leave carrying food on her nose, 'Miss Rarity' whine some more while wearing big dress, pink one knocks over ponies while spinning, purple horned pony and purple lizard talk to each other, rainbow flying pony leaves after making funny faces at armored pony, and yellow flying pony and bird not there."
Well, that info was completely useless. You think to yourself in a deadpan tone. You then just realize something,
Luna! I made a vow to be good and I just masterminded the theft of 40 cakes! That(*smack*)
You slap yourself to snap out of you mental panicked ramlbing (earning odd looks from your minions)
Calm down bug! All you have to do is return the cakes before anyling notic-
"BURP!"
You and the Diamond Dog turn to where the burp came from and see that Nightshade has eaten ALL the cakes.
"NIGHTSHADE!" you yell.
"But Daddy, I was hungry. I saved a cake for you."
She holds a Black Forest Cake in her front hooves and gives you the puppy dog eyes. You sigh in annoyance as you realize you can't stay mad at that face and you walk over and retrieve the cake as Nightshade goes back in the Inventory. You're about to bite into it when you think of something,
"Minions." you say, getting their full attention "Because you all did an excellent job pulling off my... unorthodox orders. I shall reward you with cake for all!"
The dogs sniff at the cake as you offer it to them, but they suddenly flinch back.
"Is there something wrong with the cake?" You ask.
"Uh, master" Spot says "We dogs. Chocolate is poison to us."
"Oh..." you say in awkward response.
As you hold your cake, thinking of your next move, one of the dig dogs comes rushing in. He salutes you before saying,
"Master, me spotted a squad of Royal Guards patrolling area! What you want us to do?"
"How many are in the squad?" You ask the digger.
"Eight master, mostly rookies."
Order a head-on assault on a large squad of Royal Guardponies on patrol in the outskirts of Ponyville
You put on your thinking face and think,
Okay, I need a more obviously stupid plan of attack- *ding* Got it!
You clear your throat before saying in a commanding tone,
"Rover, gather Fido and three Dig Dogs. Charge that heavily-armored and possibly elite squad head-on...! In a pentagon formation!"
Okay, everyling in the world knows that the Equestrian Royal Guard has to be the best of the best. Surely even these boneheads can suggest something smarter like digging under them, hit-and-run from the trees, NOT attacking them, or at least a better formation than a stinking PENTAGON of all stupid shap-
"Master Yes Master!"
Your eye twitches in annoyance before you quickly add in,
"Good... Oh, and bring them back here alive."
You say the last part with deadly emphasis and Rover nods his head before he, Fido, and three dig dogs leave the cave to attack the patrol. As you are watching them leave, you don't notice Spot jump at you with a spear in hand, ready to stab you. But, you happen to notice a bit on the ground, you smile and bend down to grab it. This causes Spot to go flying over you and to slam face first into the cave wall. You don't notice this as you pocket the bit (66 Bits). You then see the pack disappear into the forest and you shake your head with a sigh and think to yourself,
When I'm done with my cake, I'll teleport over, knock back the ponies with a 'Fus Ro Dah', and teleport those boneheads back to the cave. Hopefully they won't be injured TOO badly... *munch*
HALF A CAKE LATER
After being halfway done eating your cake, Rover and the others finally come back. They look pretty messed up, but they don't look too injured and Fido is carrying an unconscious Dig Dog on his back. Your jaw drops when you see two Dig Dogs dragging a makeshift stretcher with SEVEN ROYAL GUARD PONIES in an unconscious, bagged-head pile and one other guard head-bagged, tied up, and being dragged behind the stretcher. You are shocked at this fact, but you then realize two things:
1. These Diamond Dogs are alot tougher than they are smart (they DID survive a Nightmare Cloak-fueled beatdown after all)
2. The Royal Guard isn't exactly The P-Team (you loved that cheesy action serial as a little bug. Your favorite characters were always a tie between Face or B.A. Minatarcus, but you're getting off topic)
You shake off your surprise and you ask Rover,
"Rover, what happened?"
Rover replies,
"We charge ponies in pentagon pack with Fido and two Dig Dogs in front. Ponies so shocked at charge that we smashed right into them, scattering their group off path. They trip over rocks and roots allowing we's to knock more of them out while they're down. We capture them without trouble."
"And what about him?" you ask while pointing to Fido placing down an unconscious Dig Dog with a dented helmet as Spot pours water on the Dig Dog's head.
"Well... that flying pony (*points to tied up pony not in cart*) get in front by smashing feet-first into Dig Dog 3 from above and try to fight us so others could flee, but horned leader pony keeps dragging them back and saying something about 'staying in formulations cowards!' Needed whole pack to bring flying pony down."
"Did HE cause most of the bruises?"
Rover looks down in shame before replying, "Uh... yes master."
You nod your head before you get up from where you're sitting, and you begin to circle around the captured guard and say in your evil voice,
"Well, you must have been quite the brave one huh? Risking your life so the other guards could get away. But, do you think it was worth it? Now that you have been brought to me?"
The guard struggles against his binds, before giving a muffled response while you continue to munch on your cake,
"It was differently worth it scum. Even if you have me, the others would have alerted Princess Celestia and the other Royal Guards by now. They'll save me. You're finished."
The voice sounds oddly familiar, but you shrug it off and you continue to speak,
"Yes, the princess is going to spend all those resources on rescuing one little bland Pegasus." You say sarcastically, "You really believe that the princess is gonna come for you. Please! You're just one of many royal guards, you guys are so interchangeable that losing one will have about as much impact on her as losing a toothpick. You're all alone now. Just save us both the trouble and give up."
"Oh, if only my friends were here, then you'll be sorry!"
You don't want to do this, but you have to in order to keep up your act. The orange guard begins to struggle some more, so even though it'll kill you conscience-wise, you need to disarm this pegasus's spirit first before you can even hope of getting any useful information. You try to remember every villain breaking speech you can from those comics, movies, and games and continue,
"Well my little brave pony, I must apologize."
"...What are you talking about?"
"Well, remember how I was slightly ranting about how you're alone? I'm sorry, you're not. Your entire squad is here too!"
"You're lying. I saw them retreat as I held you guys off!"
You motion to Fido who roughly shoves one of the unconscious guards causing him to groan in his 'sleep' before you continue,
"I'm not lying this time. Your buddies DID escape, but apparently your squad leader dragged them back. Something about 'staying in formation' which allowed my minions to drag you all here."
"...I knew Second Lieutenant Strong Head was strict, but I never thought he'd be that stubbornly stupid!..."
"Yeah... Your 'sacrifice' was all for nothing." you say as you take another bite out of your cake.
The Pegasus falls silent for a few moments. You feel bad for doing that, but you've thought you've accomplished your goal when suddenly he says,
"Then the princess WILL come for us! I might have been 'one little bland Pegasus', but because you dared to assault a whole squad, she's not only going to notice, but she'll come down on you like Saddle Rager on a poacher! Face it, you're a monster who's built to fall."
A comic book and song reference? You think as you look at the pegasus guard curiously, before deciding it was time to see who the prisoner is. You use your magic to lift off the brown bag and saying,
"Let see who you are shall... we..."
You drop the bag and cake and stare in shock at what you see.
You feel a great disturbance in the Fandom, as if fanboys on computers are crying out for "the blood of the waifu stealer" on their keyboards. You immediately ignore this as one homicidal voice in your head is bad enough, thank you very much.
As you stare at Flash's face, you can't help but feel a disturbance in the Fandom. You start to shake uncontrollably and the Horde (that's your name for your minions) starts to give you worried looks (except Spot, who starts to smile for some reason) as Flash gives you a confused glare. Suddenly, the feeling you had gets so strong that you can barely stand as thousands of voices begin to scream in your head...
KILL THE WAIFU STEALER! BURN HIM IN TARTARUS! LET HIS SOUL BE DEVOURED BY GIYGAS! BURN HIM, KILL IT WITH FIRE! I DON'T LIKE HIS CHARACTER CAUSE IT RUINS MY TWIDASH OTP! HE WAS IN EQUESTRIA GIRLS, SO THAT MEANS HE SUCKS! MORE STUPID REASONS WHY HE SUCKS...
The voices only get louder and more ridiculous the more you stare at Flash. You can't help but start to mumble to yourself,
"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."
Rover cautiously places his hand on your shoulder and asks,
"Uh Master... ares yous okays?"
You shrug off his hand before your mumbling begins to get louder and louder...
You finally end your insane trance-like state looking towards the cave's ceiling. The Horde and Flash give you disturbed looks as you slowly start to calm yourself down as the voices have finally and thankfully stopped. One homicidal voice in your head is bad enough, thank you very much. After you calmed yourself down some more, you start to...
Flashback time! *Bugzy moves behind Flash to examine his back* "Yup, tied up like the rest of him. Now time for some exposition!"
Search every signal inch of Flash's body. As you analyze Flash, he starts to struggle against his binds, You ignore it and decide to see if his wings are tied. Luckily for you, not only is Flash's wings still tied up, the Horde remembered to tie up the limbs of all the guardponies.
Wow, they actually remembered to tie up all the limbs... huh I guess they aren't that stupid after a-
"Fido, me pretty sure CPR not involve a sledgehammer."
I stand corrected... you think in annoyance before you walk back in front of the tied-up Pegasus while thinking,
Yep, this is definitely Flash Sentry. I remember him... (Time for some exposition)!
You remember that during your time foalsitting in Canterlot (and playing hooky during that week-long Changeling assault class), the foal you foalsat for the most was an earth pony colt named First Base who's the little brother of Flash. From what you remember of Flash, he's a nice kind Pegasus who plays guitar and is a bit of a geek/dork as he loves reading comics. He's also pretty tough as during the Canterlot Invasion, you saw him successfully beat back two squads of changelings so a group of civilians (including his brother and mother) could escape to a secure shelter (you decided to take another path to avoid him... but that path led directly to the Mane 6).
You remember The Orange Thunderbolt, the one that swats away squads of changeling soldiers like flies, but you never thought you would meet again. This is the pony that stood alone against the Hive when they attacked Dodge Junction on the way to Canterlot. Two hundred of your brothers charged one soldier, and he slapped the fail out of all of you. It might have been the concussion from his swinging you around by the foot, smashing your skull into your brothers, but you swear you saw him pull off a Hokuto Hundred Crack Fist.
You see, you know Flash because, during your foalsitting in Canterlot (and skipping changeling assault class in favor of playing some Saints Row 3 and other games the foals had) the foal you would watch over the most was Flash's Earth Pony little brother, First Base. Little dude was great at playing Baseball, while you were... less than good (by that, you usually ended up hitting yourself with the bat... curse you uncoordinated hooves). He was a nice colt, always full of energy and he loved your references (very few creatures do for some odd reason). Flash wasn't that bad of a stallion either. He was a nice stallion to hang out with (which wasn't often due to his royal guard training) and, from what you can remember, he was always practicing his guitar skills (and you must admit, he's not bad). If he wasn't practicing his guitar, he would often be snout-deep into a comic book, fanfiction, or graphic novel (he's a bit of a dweeb/nerd). (In case you're wondering how a clumsy changeling with an unreliable disguise spell was able to stay undercover for so long, you wore a jacket, a cap, and a bandanna and claimed you had a "condition".)
He's also pretty tough. During your time in Appleloosa, the gossip and rumors from the changeling hives you occasionally heard (you're still confused how that gossip got all the way to your isolated town) would occasionally mention, "The Orange Thunderbolt"; the one that swats away squads of changeling soldiers like flies. The pony that stood alone against the Hive when they attacked Dodge Junction on the way to Canterlot. Three platoons of your brothers charged one soldier, and he slapped the fail out of all of them with the Hokuto Hundred Crack Fist. You knew these rumors were greatly exaggerated, but the true story was nothing to sneeze at. During the invasion of Canterlot (NOT Dodge Junction) you remember seeing him fiercely beating back two squads of changelings just so that a group of civilians (including his mother and little brother) could successfully escape. You, being the only changeling at the time to have the sense to NOT go attack the stallion who's single-hoofedly holding off over a dozen-and-a-half changelings, decided to go down another path. Of course that led you the mane six, and we all know how that song and dance went...
After remembering all that information for some weird reason, you realize that Flash has been glaring at you this whole time, so you ask him,
"What is there something on my face- I mean, hood?"
Flash just glares at you before saying...
Flash immediately recognizes you as "The Hooded Offender" and says he was one of the Royal Guards there when you threatened the princesses.You then ask Flash if he approves of Luna ordering the execution of foals and Flash responds with a disgusted response.
"I remember you, you're the Hooded Offender! You were the thing that threatened the princesses back at the castle! You're the reason why four of my squadmates were stuck in counseling for a week!"
You look at him in shock, but then you realize that he must have been one of the guards you blew back at the castle so you ask in a serious tone,
"Oh, so you were there when Princess Luna ordered the hanging of a helpless little filly? *snap* Are you just another mindless drone who agrees with her?!"
By the end of your speech, your eyes are glowing orange once again causing Rover to take a nervous step back from you. Flash gives a disgusted look and responds,
"NO! I don't agree with her suggestion at all! Nopony did! Especially not Princess Celestia!"
You look at him in shock before you decide to play along with the 'I remember you' idea by doing... science!
>> forevertheDoctor You use a menacing voice. "Oh. It's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know. After you murdered me." "I did what?" You pick him up by the throat (How are you doing this?) "OH NONONO!" You lift him up off the ground and he starts choking. "Okay, look, we both said a lot of things you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us." You throw him down into a puddle. "For science." He looks up at you with disgust. "You monster." Your voice switches back to normal. "HEEEEY! You got the reference! Maybe you're not so bad after all!" Everyling looks at you blankly. "You know, portal 2?" "Me get it." Dig Dog No.2 says. "Anyling?" "Me get it!" He repeats. "Oh, COME ON! The cake is a lie!" You throw the remaining half of a cake in Flash Sentry's face and do an evil laugh.
You give off a menacing chuckle before saying in a robotic (somehow) monotone voice,
"Oh... it's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me!"
The Diamond dogs gasp and begin to growl at Flash for what you just said while Flash just gives you a confused look before saying,
"I did what?"
You ignore him and you just pick him up by the throat (how are you doing this with hooves?). Flash starts to struggle in your grasp as you lift him off the ground, causing him to choke a little bit before you continue,
"Okay, look, we both said a lot of things you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us..."
You throw him down into a puddle causing him to start gasping for air.
"For science."
He looks up at you with disgust and... finishes your reference!?!!?
"You monster."
You look at him in shock before you say in your normal voice,
"HEEEEY! You actually got that reference! Your not so bad after all."
Of course I know he's not so bad, but I need to stay in character... Wait, why am I thinking this?
Sadly, everyling else in the room just gives you guys blank stares. You and Flash both sigh in annoyance before you both say,
"You know, Portal 2?"
One of the Dig Dogs raises his paw and says, "Me gets it."
You don't hear him because you and Flash are both annoyed and confused that you both said the same thing at the same time. The Dig Dog is about to speak again, but you get impatient and yell,
Before throwing the cake into Flash's face before chuckling evilly. You then decide to get down to business, which is...
You knew nothing about manageing a large group of dogs or ponys for that matter infact you where kinda baseing everything of evil movies and that one game where you take over citys with your gang...... What was it? Hmm.... You really need to get these,dogs in purple...... But first you had to deal with your prisoners. Looking around the,cave you where in you remember something your hours playing video games and movies has tught you: thier was always a place for intruders. Looking at the dimand dog to your left you make up a random name in your head and say " you! Throw them in the pit!!!" All the dogs gasp and a few the gurds just now getting up looked somewhat spooked. You honestly diddint think they had a place called that. You lean to your left and whisper to one of the dogs " whats the pit?" The dog whispers back "its our wost punishment master, its when we lock you in a dark room and force you to wach all four sesons of my little human." Your eyes widened that was truly the sadtistic! You couldent.....but you would. "take the others to a secure place. This ones going to the pit-" you swallow hard as you point to flash sentry"-with me!"
To hurry up and lock up the guards as they look like they're waking up. So, thinking of every bad guy cliiche, you point at a random Dig dog and order,
"You! Throw these prisoners into the pit!"
Your order is met with horrified gasps from the Horde (even from the formally unconscious Dig Dog who fortunately woke up before Fido could bring down the sledgehammer on his chest).
Wow, they actually have a pit... I was just guessing there.
You then lean over to Rover and whisper,
"What's the pit?"
The dog whispers back,
"It our worst punishment master, it when we lock you in dark room and force you to watch all four seasons of My Little Human."
Your eyes widen in horror and you can't help but feel like puking while thinking,
That's... That's sadistic all the way! I couldn't... and I won't! I may be keeping up a fake image of a supervillain, but NOLING deserves that fate!
You decide to quickly cough and say,
"On second thought, just throw them into some cells, but leave the leader here."
You assume that the commander is the only unicorn here, so The Horde drags off the prisoners (including Flash) as the leader slowly starts to wake up (after you put his hoof in warm water... heheheh) you can't help but think,
Lady luck, if you have any remaining respect for me, please let this interrogation go by quickly and easily.
With that, the leader wakes up, with wet armor down there... hehehehe.
The unicorn in front of you finally wakes up from his 'nap'. He looks around confused and you are just about to say something, when he suddenly begins screaming,
"WHERE IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA AM I!? WHO IN THE BLOODY TARTARUS ARE YOU!? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I JUST PEED MYSELF!? WHERE ARE DOES SPINELESS RECRUITS AND WHY AM I TIED UP!? IF YOU DON'T LET ME GO THEN SO HELP ME I'M GON-"
Ask politely using How to be A Gentle Colt 101
While the leader was ranting, you decided to quickly skim the "Affable Interrogations" chapter in How to be a Gentle Colt 101 book. When you were finished skimming and thought you let the unicorn rant long enough, you commanded in the Royal Canterlot Voice,
"SILENCE"
The leader finally shuts his yapper and looks at you in surprise, and you decide to speak in your evil voice before he got the chance to start yelling again.
"Second Lieutenant Strong Head, was it? I assure you that I have no desire nor inclination for inflicting harm most foul on your person or subordinates that my underlings forthwith have in their confinement, so I kindly implore you to disclose any beneficially enlightening information. Capiche?"
Strong Head gives you a blank stare before you roll your eyes and respond,
"Look, you listen and listen good. My minions, The Horde, have captured you and your stallions. Your soldiers' lives are either forfeit or not depending on what answers I get from you. Are we clear? Oh, and my minions took the liberty of locking up your horn so resistance is futile."
The old stallion looks up at his locked down horn and then just glares at you before saying,
"So what if those failures die, it would be worth the sacrifice as long as you don't get any information."
You look at the leader in shock and disgust and think,
What kind of solider would willingly let his men die just to keep someling from getting answers. That's just....sick.
You put on your serious face before you begin the... interrogation!
You try to interrogate the leader (Second Lieutenant Strong Head), but you quickly find that he's an insufferably arrogant pompous unicorn (think a bit of Zapp Brannigan from Futurama) and end up ordering the Horde to whack him on the head whenever he says something stupid (you give the minions free rein to decide what counts as "stupid") Some examples of things he may say:
And you get no new information at all. Whenever you ask him a question, he would just avoid the answer and say something stupid like:
"Dead stallions tell no tale" "I don't talk to scum who won't even show their faces!" "They're as good as dead, I ain't telling you nothing!"
You're just getting a headache from it all and are half-tempted to just throw him into the pit for a few hours and then ask him your questions, but you go against that idea,
Knowing my luck, he's probably a Humany or something like that. You think in annoyance
After another failed attempt to get some answers ("You'll never get me to talk! Never! NEVER!") you give another annoyed sigh... *ding*
Getting a semblance of an idea, you have your minions steal sewing supplies, scrap metal, and earplugs from Ponyville.
Before you get not one, but two ideas! You look over to the Diamond dogs and yell,
"Spot, Rover, Fido! Get over here!"
The dogs immediately listen to your command and they rush over to you (and for some odd reason, Spot now has a black eye, and you have no idea as to where it came from). They both salute before saying at the same time, "Master, yes Master!"
You nod your head before pointing at the leader and saying,
"Rover, take some Dig Dogs into Ponyville and grab some sewing supplies, cloth, scrap metal, and earplugs. And don't get caught!"
Rover gives a salute, "Master yes Master" before running off to complete your orders. You then turn to the two remaining Dogs and say,
"From now on, whenever you think he's saying something stupid, I want you to give him a good old smack, okay?"
They both nod their head before they position themselves behind the unicorn. You then begin to restart your questioning...
-How many Royal Guards are left in Ponyville? ("You'll never get me to say the Princess only has two Pegasus Royal Guards left in Ponyville!") -Where is Princess Cadance? -Why does Princess Luna want to kill Nightshade? -Why did you (Strong Head) keep his squad from retreating? (Strong Head is a pompous arrogant stubborn officer who believes that lesser ranks must ALWAYS blindly follow orders even if the orders are immoral, illegal, or even just stupid) -Something regarding the Grand Galloping Gala.
"How many Royal Guards are left in Ponyville?"
The leader just keeps quite. You sigh at this and say,
"I didn't want to have to do this, but you have forced my hoof-"
-A Diamond Dog scratches on cave wall (think nails on a chalkboard), but even you find that appallingly annoying and order him never to do that again
*SCREEEEEECH*
Spot slowly scratches his nails on the cave wall letting out a loud screech. You, Fido, and Strong Head all turn your heads towards the small Diamond Dog and yell.
"STOP THAT!!!"
Spot responds,
"But I thought master-"
"One: I never told you to do anything other than whack this stallion on the head! Two: NEVER do that again! Have I made myself clear?!" You interrupt.
Spot just sadly nods his head as you continue,
-Fido finds a poetry book on one of the guards and you have him try to read the poems out loud (given the Diamond Dog's illiteracy and poor grammar, this is almost like reading Vogon poetry)
And with that you grab... a nursery rhyme book from the floor behind you? You first noticed it after throwing your cake into Flash's face, and you figured it must have been dropped by one of the Royal Guard (poor guy must be a father...). You give a sad sigh as you hold it up with your magic... and then you float it over to Fido.
"Fido, pick any poem and read it out loud." You command,
"Uh, master? Me no know how to read."
"Try your best then. And Spot, cover your ears."
"Master yes master" the Diamond Dogs both say as Fido begins to (try to) read the nursery rhymes as Spot covers his ears,
As soon as Fido starts reading, Strong Head immediately begins to squirm uncontrollably at Fido's butchering of foalhood classics and yells,
"My stallions will never talk, *("Hhhhh Hump... Tiiiiii Ty...)* not even under torture. *(Dump... Tie...)*Go torture them instead and see! *(Ssss sit an wall...")* Cowards deserve it for failing!" *("Humpty Dumpty hhhhhh have...")*
You hold up your hoof to get Fido to stop and say,
"I could stop, but I'll you need to do is answer my questions in exchange. How many Royal Guards are left in Ponyville?"
"You and your mangy curs can go buc-" *whack*
Fido smacks him on the head with the book as you put your hoof down, which causes Fido to continue reading,
Strong Head starts squirming again as he yells,
"You'll never *(Rock... A... Bbbbb Bye?)*get me to say *(Bab... Y. An th...)* the Princess only has two *(tree tap...)* Pegasus Guards *(W... Hen? The... Wlind...)* left in Ponyville!"
- And finally, *shiver* making him listen to a Justin Beatbox (Bieber) album on a five hour loop. (this should be what finally breaks him)
You smile at this and hold up your hoof to stop the reading and say,
"Now was that so hard? Now onto my next question. Oh, and if you think "Nursery Rhyme Time with Fido" was bad, fail to answer my questions and I'll lock you in a cell and make you listen to a Justin Beatbox album on a five hour loop!"
Strong Head, Fido, and Spot all gasp and give you horrified looks as you continue,
"Where is the location of the alicorn named Cadance?"
The only thing the leader says is,
"I ain't saying anything about how she'll be at the Grand Galloping Gala this week, *whack* owwwwww."
You glare at Spot who simply holds his hands up in defense. You sigh and think,
Maybe it wasn't a good idea to tell the dumbest beings in the universe to smack him whenever they think he says something stupid. Anyway, Cadance will be at this "Gala" huh... I need to know more about this Gala...
With that thought in mind you ask the leader
"When and where is this 'Gala' taking place?"
The leader just sighs and says in a defeated tone,
"The Gala is in a few days at the Canterlot Castle...",
He then grins and says,
"But there's no way you will ever get in, because we the Royal guard are too power-*whack*"
This time it's Fido who whacks the leader in the head with the book. You give him a thankful nod, because after the, what you now deem as the "Trixie Incident", your hatred for boasters has gotten stronger. And you really didn't want to hear boasting coming from the unicorn who got defeated because of his stupidity and his stubbornness to not back down. To Diamond dogs no less. Speaking of which...
"Why did you prevent your squad from retreating from the might of my Horde?"
Strong Head scoffs and says,
"A superior officer's orders are absolute. Lesser beings must always obey without question at any time, any place, no matter what! My worthless stallions were ruining my chance for glory and a shiny new medal all because SergeantSentry disobeyed MY orders and told them to go back to Ponyville for reinforcements while he held off your mutts and those cowardly Privates went along with it because'they need reinforcements if they want to live to see their families again' *(he says the italicized part in a mock-whiny tone)*. So I threw those cowards back to the front and stun spelled that insubordinate Pegasus. I'll have those worthless traitors strung up when I-" *whack* *whack* *whack* "OWWWWW!"
You, Fido, and Spot all hit Strong Head out of disgust at his arrogant disregard for his stallions and annoyance at his ranting and you then think,
Well, that explains how Flash got captured by my boneheads. Blasted in the back by an arrogant glory-hungry dumbflank while trying to protect his comrade- Wait...
You realize something and then decide to ask him a question that you really want to know the answer to,
"Why is Princess Luna out to kill Nightshade?"
The leader just laughs and says in a snobby tone,
"Nightshade... Oh, the rat with the horn and wings? None of your business, because all you need to know is that she's a dead filly walk-"
*snap* *CRACK*
You slam your hoof into the ground (which causes a hole the size of your hoof to form) as your eyes start to glow orange again, causing the Diamond dogs to back away in fear and the leader to gulp in fear as well. After resisting the urge to rip off the unicorn's armor, have your minions hold him down on a pool table, and strike the eight-ball right into his billiard balls (Luna, that was creatively sadistic), you look at the unicorn menacingly and say in a dark tone,
"Say that again and I will have you imprisoned in the pit for eternity."
The guard smirks at your threat and says in a sleazy voice,
"A pit? How cliche-" *whack* *whack*
He is shut up (and probably saved) by both Fido and Spot smacking him in the head as you say,
"That not clear enough?"
You take out your vise-grips and continue,
"Then how about I personally tear off your horn? BOTH of them."
You slam the vise-grips shut for emphasis as you continue,
"ARE WE CLEAR NOW!"
Strong Head cowers in realization at what you meant by that and nods his head in terror. After you calmed down and your eyes return to normal, you decide that the interrogation is over with. You just have a few more questions on your mind...
Your eyes glow blue and you scream at the leader. "WHY DID YOU KILL YOUR HUSBAND?!" you scream. Silence. "Supernatural!" you explain. Silence. "(Gasp!) YOU UNCULTURED SWINES!" you scream
.
Bugze paces back and forth in front of the leader. "Huh?" The leader asks. In a foreboding voice: "Oh....so...you be up young one......" You began but suddenly trail of in a dark laugh. "W-who-Who are you?" He shakes. "Me?" You question but grin like a sadist only to laugh again. "Why I am darkness......I am Destruction.....I am Revenge......I am Fear....I....AM...YOUR.....FATHER!!!!!!!" you decided to end in a space hooves reference. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" The leader screams "....Tell me......" You began "T-tell you w-what?" "WHAT'S THE RECIPE FOR THE SUPREME CAKE!!!!" "......" Silence.....your only met with silence. "NEVER!!!!! I WILL NEVER TELL YOU THE RECIPE FOR THE PRINCESSES PRIZED CAKE!!!!!!" "OH BUT YOU WILL!!!!" "I WILL NOT!" "THEN YOU SHALL SUFFER!" "NO I WILL NOT!" "dude, who's your captor? Me or you? I say you suffer you suffer!" "Why would i suffer?" "Cuz i want Cake!" "The cake belongs to princess Celestia" "Fat ass" you whisper under your breath, he didn't hear you but still said. "Did you just insult the princess?" "No" "I'm pretty sure you did" "How would you know?" "My Captain sense is tingling!" "HEY! YOU STOLL THAT FROM SPIDER-MARE!" "NO I DIDN'T!!!" "Yea ya did" "Nuh uh!" "Uh huh!" que spit in face. "DUDE! that's discussing!" "SO?" you just sigh "SPOT!" The idiot runs in "Yes master?" "Take him to the.....DRANGON! "NO NOT THE DRANGON!" Spot gasps. ".....um....master....?" "Yes Spot?" "....What's the Drangon?" ".......i.......don't know....." Que animated fall from captain and idiot. "Eh! just take him to the rest of um!"
You look the leader right in the eyes and you scream.
"WHY DID YOU KILL YOUR HUSBAND?!"
...
Silence. Silence is all you get from your outburst. You begin to chuckle nervously before saying in a hopeful tone,
"You know, Supernatural!"
...
More silence. You look around you in shock that none of these dogs/pony have ever heard of this show. You swear you hear one of the other guard ponies (probably Flash) say "I know!" (the cells are right next to you, and for some reason the guards haven't said a word the whole time). Your eye twitches before you scream in anger,
"YOU UNCULTURED SWINES!"
...
More silence, and this time you swear you hear a cricket chirping. You sigh in defeat before you look over at the leader and he says in a scared voice (probably because your acting like a crazy bug), "W-who-Wh- What the hay are you?"
"Me?" You question but grin like a sadist only to start laughing evilly.
"Why I am darkness... I am Destruction... I am Revenge... I am Fear... I... AM... YO DADDY!!!!!!!" You decided to end in a Space Hooves reference. Everying loves a good old Space Hooves reference.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" The leader screams. You give a chuckle at his outburst cause it sounds almost exactly like the real one before saying
"Tell me..." You begin
"Tell you what?" He asks with a serious face
"WHAT'S THE RECIPE FOR THE SUPREME CAKE!!!!"
"..."
Silence... You're only met with silence. You're starting to really hate silence
"NEVER!!!!! I WILL NEVER TELL YOU THE RECIPE FOR THE PRINCESSES PRIZED CAKE!!!!!!"
He screams at you like he's a five year old.
If it's a "act like a five year old match" you want, that is what you'll get!
With that thought in mind, you scream back at him...
"OH BUT YOU WILL!!!!"
"I WILL NOT!" He screams back
"THEN YOU SHALL SUFFER!" You scream
"NO I WILL NOT!"
"Dude, who's the captor holding the vice-grips? Me or you? When I say you suffer, you suffer!"
He's starting to beat me in this match, I shall not lose easily! you think as Strong Head responds,
"Why would I suff-"*whack*
"Cuz i want Cake!"
"The cake belongs to Princess Celestia"
"Cake hoarder." You whisper under your breath, Strong Head didn't hear you, but he still said,
"Did you just insult the princess?"
"No"
"I'm pretty sure you did"
"How would you know?" Luna he is good on acting like a five year old...wait I'm pretty sure that's a bad thing. You think as he suddenly responds,
"My Captain sense is tinglin-" *whack*
"HEY! YOU STOLE THAT FROM SPIDER-MARE!" You and Flash both yell at him.
"NO I DIDN'T!!! AND SERGEANT, DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO TAL-" *whack*
"Yea ya did." You say.
"Nuh uh-" *whack*
"Uh huh!" How can a grown pony act more like a five year old then an actual five year old?!?! On second thought, he's alot dumber than a five-year-old as he's still talking stupid even though Spot and Fido are still whacking him on the hea-
*hack spit*
Tense silence fills the cave as everyling realizes that Strong Head just spit in your face. This realization sinks in you as you remember Strong Head's arrogant disregard for his own stallions and the threat he made towards your daughter making your anger reach a boiling point as your eyes glow orange and the dark whisper makes a VERY brief comeback,
Time for free species/gender-change surgery...
You then darkly and coldly command,
"Fido, Spot. Hold him down."
The Diamond Dogs hesitate a little, before they hold down the unicorn as you slowly advance on him with the vise-grips causing him to struggle and pathetically beg,
"Nonononono! That was completely out of line! I'm sorry! Please don't rip off my horns! I have 2 ex-wives and 5 foals! Rip off their horns!"
As you're about to close the vise-grips on Strong Head's horn, you hear,
"Master!"
You turn to see Rover and a pair of Dig Dogs with the supplies you asked for looking at you in horror. Calming down at their success, you realize what you were about to do, drop the vise-grips in horror, and think,
Luna! I almost turned a unicorn stallion into an earth pony mare! I need to find a way to control my anger before I do something unforgivable!
You quickly regain your composure and say,
"Today's your lucky day. *(picks up and puts away vise-grips)* You've been granted a stay of execution. Fido!"
"Yes, whats its yous needs master?" the Diamond Dog responds
"Take him to the... DRANGON!
"NO, NOT THE DRANGON!", Fido gasps, "Um... master... ?"
"Yes Fido?"
"...What's the Drangon?"
"I... don't know..."
Que annoyed animated fall from all nearby dogs and ponies. You then nonchalantly order,
"Eh, just throw him with the rest of them. And give back the book while you're at it."
With that, Fido drags Strong Head back to the cells and throws him (and the book) in. The unicorn gets up and starts yelling at his squad,
"YOU WEAK WORTHLESS TRAITOROUS MAGGOTS! WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU BEG FOR MY HORN! WHEN WE GET BACK, YOU'LL ALL BE LUCKY IF I JUST HAVE YOU RELOCATED TO LATRINE DUTY IN-"
"Ahem..."
Everypony in the cell turns to you as you nonchalantly say,
"If anypony wants to give the Second Lieutenant a couple of smacks, you can just say I mind-controlled you all into doing that."
*crack* *crack* *crack* *crack*
Strong Head turns back to his stallions to see all of them cracking their necks.
"Uh... Let's not be too hasty gentlecolts. Remember how I kindly gave you the honor of polishing my armor or cleaning my personal washroom?"
"GET HIM!!!"
You walk away from the beatdown going on in the cell (the two Dig Dogs standing guard are starting to place bets on who will land the last punch on Strong Head) and say to yourself,
"As for me..."
You walk over to the supplies the Dig Dogs brought.
"I got some work to do..."
Realize the situation is getting a bit out of control and go see Fluttershy (after ordering your minions to guard the prisoners of course)
SOME WORK LATER
After you finish your work and giving instructions to the Horde, you start to walk towards the cave entrance. Just as you're about to leave, you hear Rover ask,
"Wheres yous going master?"
You look over to him before you smile and say,
"I'm gonna visit... an old friend. Also while I'm gone, I want you all to memorize those commands I gave you and keep an eye on the prisoners. Think you can handle that?"
Rover salutes to you before saying,
"Master yes Master!" And with that he goes back into the cave to start working on your orders. And with that, you head off...
A BUNCH OF MINUTES LATER
You find yourself in front of he door of your friend that you told Rover you were visiting. You would have been here sooner if it weren't for the fact that you had to sneak the entire way here.
She lives on the outskirts of Ponyville and yet I still have to sneak over here, go figure. And I forgot how packed this place is, so many animals it's like a zoo... times ten! You think to yourself as you look around you.
Wherever you look there's a new animal, and when you look back to a area you looked at before, there's ten times the animal that was there before. You give a sigh as you turn to face the shack doors and are about to knock, when the door gets thrown open and she "screams",
"I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS I SWEAR!"
You couldn't really count that as a scream because you could barely hear it, but you still somehow manage to wince at how "loud" it was. You look at Fluttershy to see that she is just staring at you. You shuffle around nervously and say...
Fluttershy stares at you. You stare back. "Um...hello sweetie?" you say, praying to Luna your reference isn't met with silence. "Um...I understood that reference." Fluttershy mumbles. Your eyes widen. "Was that...a reference to a reference?" you ask. OMG. The Avengers. She just referenced the Avengers. "Uh...y-yes." You hug her. "I've missed you."
Fluttershy just stares at you and you can't help but think,
If this turns out to be like that incident with the buffalo back at Appleloosa, we're gonna be here for awhile...
With that thought in mind, you just continue too stare back at her...
And stare...
And stare...
Yup, it's Appleloosa all over again... I'm starting to really hate staring right now. You think to yourself in annoyance.
Deciding that you have had enough of the staring, you clear your throat and say nervously,
"Um... hello sweetie?"
As soon as you said that, your eyes widen as you realize that what you just said could be taken completely the wrong way. So you do what any self respecting bug would do...
You freak out!
OH SWEET LUNA NO! PLEASE GET THE REFERENCE, PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO LOSE ONE OF MY FEW FRIENDS BECAUSE OF A MISUNDERSTANDING! PLEASE!
As you continue to panic, you don't realize that you are now physically freaking out. By that I mean you're shaking uncontrollably in panic and your eyes are twitching. Fluttershy, taking notice of your panicked state (the shaking, not the eyes cause, you know, hood), says nervously,
"Um... I... I understood that reference."
Your panicking stops as your eyes widen in shock and you can't help but think,
She... understood that reference- wait a second.
As you are thinking, you realize something. Deciding to voice your question you ask,
"Wait... was that a reference to a reference?"
You ask this because you swear you heard of this reference before. When Fluttershy nods her head yes, you remember where that reference came from,
Oh my Luna, she just reference the Avengers!... She's a nerd like me!... OH SWEET LUNA YES! ONE OF MY FEW FRIENDS IS A NERD! BEST! DAY! EVER!
Apparently while you were thinking, you started to jump around in circles like a little filly while saying "Yes Yes Yes" like a filly as well. You stop in mid air (somehow breaking the law of physics) when you start to hear someling giggling. You look down to see Fluttershy holding her hoof in front of her mouth while giggling. You chuckle nervously before you land on your hooves. You then say in a embarrassed tone while rubbing the back of your head in embarrassment,
"Hehehehe, sorry. I'm just excited to find out that one of my friends is a nerd like me."
Fluttershy stops giggling and gets a glint in her eye when you say that. You look at her nervously before saying,
"Ummmm, Fluttershy? Are you oka-"
Suddenly, Fluttershy does something unexpected, she...
Que Flutterglomp where she's glad you're okay (you also correct her that your name is "Bugze" and not "Hoody", but won't really mind if she calls you either).
Prepare for hugs. Fluttershy shows that she took your criticism on the train to heart by asserting that you were a hero in Appleloosa, and you deserve a hero's welcome.
Fluttershy jump tackles you, too suprised to teleport you scream: "FLUTTERSHY USED TACKLE O' LOVE IT IS SUPER EFFECTIVE!" A strange voice echo's out across the land: You caught a Fluttershy! Metallic,disconected voice: Fluttershy the Kindness Ponymon It's shyness enables it to hide from many foes, but in combat its eyes can inflict paralysis from 20ft away. Would you like to to nickname the caught Fluttershy?
Fluttershy's reaction to seeing bugze: Yay.
Tackle-hugs you! You give a pained "oof" as you fall down from the force of her impact. Suddenly, a loud voice screams out of nowhere,
"FLUTTERSHY USED TACKLE O' LOVE... IT IS SUPER EFFECTIVE!"
You start to (try to) look around to see where that voice came from. When another, more soft but still pretty loud voice says,
"You caught a Fluttershy!"
What in the name of Luna is go-
As you are thinking, another voice (this one sounding metallic) says,
"Fluttershy: The Kindness Ponymon... It is a Fairy/Kindness type. It's shyness enables it to hide from many foes, but in combat its eyes can inflict paralysis from 20ft away."
What the heck is going on!? You can't help but think in complete confusion. What is this Ponymon!?
Suddenly, another voice that sounds exactly like the first voice that shouted asks,
"Would you like to name your caught Fluttershy?"
All you could say is,
"Uhhhhhh... no?"
Then... silence. You look around all over, expecting to see where the voices where coming from, when Fluttershy asks,
"Is everything okay Hoody?"
"Oh, don't worry, I'm fine Fluttershy."
You decide not to tell her about the craziness that just happened because you're afraid she'll call you crazy... er then usual that is.
After Fluttershy stops hugging you so that you could both get back up, you say,
"Also, my name is 'Bugze', not 'Hoody'."
"Oh... sorry..." she says as she looks down timidly. Not wanting to see her upset, you quickly add in,
"But since you're one of my friends, you can call me either anytime you want."
"Oh, thank you. Do... you want to come inside?"
"I'd love to."
As you both walk into her home, you spot a very sick and very ugly bird. You look over to Fluttershy confused and ask,
"What is that?"
Fluttershy sighs and says...
Fluttershy tells you about how she "borrowed" Celestia's bird, Philomena and you tell her about your situation with the horde, the guardponies, and the "plot to foalnap Celestia and her bird" (for some reason, you may decide to leave out Nightshade, the dark whisper, and the whole "attempted castration" thing).
"Oh... She's Celestia's pet bird, Philomena."
That's a bird, looks more like a turkey. A very skinny and featherless turkey that is. And Philomena? I'm never gonna get Celestia's strange names for thing- Wait a minute...
During your thinking, you realize something and say,
"Wait, what is Celestia's bird doing here?"
"Well, she looked like she was in such bad condition that I took her so I could nurse her back to health. As a favor to the princess, who's obviously just far too busy to care for the poor thing properly."
You then begin to think bitterly,
Typical... Lets her own pets rot away while allowing her sister to go around hanging- Wait, WHAT?!
Having another realization, your jaw drops and you say to Fluttershy,
"Let me get this straight... You TOOK the Princesses pet?!"
"I couldn't just leave the poor thing there. I tried to nurse her back to health, but no matter what I try, nothing seems to be working..."
You decide to try to take Fluttershy's attention off of the (possibly) dying bird by telling her what has been going on with you since you jumped off the train; about how you acquired minions, your accidental plan to foalnap Celestia and her pet, your minion's capers (including their thefts and their capturing of a squad of Royal Guard), and your interrogation of Strong Head (you decided to leave out the parts about you almost ending the Diamond Dogs, your attempted castration of Strong Head, and especially Nightshade. For some reason you have the feeling that NOLING should find out about her. Just a gut feeling, but considering it (mostly) hasn't been wrong so far, you decide to listen to it). She was about to scold you for your treatment of Strong Head (the grey unicorn with a dusty-red tail, mane, and beard) until you told her about how he was acting towards his own stallions. As soon as you're done, she scowls and says to you,
"Hoody! Those are very bad things you are doing! Do you know how much trouble you've gotten yourself into? Do you know how much trouble you could get in if the princess found out!"
You respond with the classic snark,
"Yes Mom! Relax, I have everything under control... more or less."
You offer to take credit for snatching Philomena so Fluttershy can stay out of trouble, but she's concerned over how much trouble you've gotten yourself into already. You ask her about the Grand Galloping Gala.
"Fluttershy, you're one of my few friends and I don't want you getting into trouble with the Princess. I'll just claim that I, The Hooded Offender, have snatched her bird and-"
"Oh no, I couldn't possibly ask you to do that! You're in so much trouble already, I couldn't allow birdnapping to be added to he amount of trouble you're already in."
You were about to say it would be no problem, but she then proceed to give you a worried pleading look (she is really good at doing that) so you just sighed and gave up. You then asked her,
"Oh, have you ever heard of something called, 'The Grand Galloping Gala'?"
She excitedly responds,
"Oh yes, its been my dream to go there. You see, it's not so much The Grand Galloping Gala as it is the wondrous private gated garden that surrounds the dance. The flowers are said to be the most beautiful and fragrant in all of Equestria. For the night of the gala, and that night alone, would they all be in bloom... and that's just the flora! Don't get me started on the fauna. There's loons and toucans and bitterns, oh my! Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz. White-blue jays, and red jays, and green jays, pink jays and pink flamingos! Me and all of my friends have tickets and dresses to the Grand Galloping Gala! I'm so excited."
You couldn't help but sigh at that and think,
Why is it that were ever I go, those mares are one step behind me. *sigh* Looks like seeing Cadence again is going to be more of a problem then I thought it would be.
Fluttershy asks,
"Why do you want to go to the Grand Galloping Gala? If you don't mind me asking..."
You answer her with the truth,
"Well, you see. My very first friend is going to be there, and I haven't seen her in a long time. I figured that going to this Gala would be a great chance to see her again."
Fluttershy looks at you and says,
"Don't worry Hoody, I'll help you see your old friend, I Pinkie Promise."
Before you could ask her what a 'Pinkie Promise" is, you hear someling knocking on the door. Thinking quickly, you tell Fluttershy,
"I have to go, but if you need me, I'll be at a Zebra shaman's house in the forest." and with that you teleport away...
ONE TELEPORT LATER
you decide to pay Zecora a visit. An hour later you find Zecora's hut and knock on the door. "Ah, hello there frie-" she shuts the door before you could do anything. "My hooded friend, I've heard of the troubles you've caused. Why should I give a moment of pause? Have you come to my hut in seek of plunder? Go away or you shall feel my thunder!!!" She opens the door with sashes with various types of potions attached to them that your sure are lethal. "What? No! What they say about me are lies!! mostly. I've been doing more good than what people give me credit for, ask Fluttershy". You explain what you've been doing for the past few weeks. "I understand the troubles you heed. Now how may I help a friend in need?" You tell here that your minions require medical attention and ask her if she can treat their wounds or provide some healing potions.
Luckily your teleport works for ounce and you actually teleport right in front of Zecora's hut door. Unlike last time with Fluttershy, you're able to knock on the door this time. She opens the door and you say,
"Ah, hello there frie-" *SLAM* she slams the door in your face before you could do anything.
"My hooded 'friend', I've heard of the troubles you've caused. Why should I give a moment of pause? Have you come to my hut in seek of plunder? Go away or you shall feel my thunder!!!"
She kicks open the door waering sashes with various types of potions attached to them that you're sure are lethal or at least REALLY painful. You jump back in shock and quickly say,
"What?! No no no no no! What they say about me are lies!! Mostly."
You then clear your throat and say,
"I've been doing more good than bad from what ponies give me credit for, ask Fluttershy!"
You explain what you've been doing for the past few weeks (leaving out the parts about Nightshade and anything relating to your seal including the Nightmare Cloak and the dark whispering voice in your head).
"I understand the troubles you heed. Now how may I help a friend in need?"
You tell her,
"Thanks. I may or may not have some troublesome diamonds dogs that may or may not need some medical attention, so can you please treat their wounds? Or at least loan me some healing potions or anything like that?"
Zecora smiles and says
"Treating diamond dog wounds, I would not know, but I have some things to help ease their blows."
She then goes back into her hut, and a couple minutes later she comes back out with a sash full of fancy bottles with red liquid in them. From what you can see, there are a total of four potions on it. You thank Zecora and you put the sash on. It feels very comfortable on you, even with The Inventory on.
You thank Zecora and leave to go back to the cave. After walking for a few minutes, you suddenly hear,
"HOODY!"
You turn in the direction of the shout and see Fluttershy running right at you...
While you're there, she asks if you can help her with a very sick, very ugly bird.
She stops in front of you and says out of breath,
"Hoody... help... Philomena... missing..."
You can barely understand a word she is saying, but what you can understand, she wants your help finding Celestia's bird. You are about to decline even though it kills you on the inside to decline your friends' requests for help (you deem it WAY too risky looking for the bird in Ponyville while Celestia is in town), but you notice her giving you a desperate pleading look before you can say no. So you just sigh and say,
"Okay... I'll help you look for Celestia's bird."
Fluttershy very briefly mentions having a career as a supermodel (you didn't know about this because Appleloosa is pretty remote. Not only does it not receive most magazines, but their idea for an "early" newspaper is one that's already a week old and the local movie theater is just starting to show movies that we're already two years old at least) and you resist the urge to ask if she did any swimsuit shoots (cue nosebleed when she mentions being "Cover filly of the Month" for "Vanner's Secret". Stupid bug hormones...)
She smiles and says,
"Thank you so much! I haven't been this worried since the time I was a fashion model."
"Wait... you were a supermodel?"
Even though Fluttershy had a brief (but highly successful) career as a supermodel, you had no way of knowing this since Appleloosa was so remote that it doesn't receive most magazines, the local theater only played old black-and-white silent flicks (you and Nightshade quickly became huge fans of Buster "The Great Stone Face" Kimblewick), hay Appleloosa's idea for the early edition of the news was a newspaper that was already a week old. You think to yourself,
I mean, it's not COMPLETELY surprising since Fluttershy is pretty cute. I wonder if she did any swimsuit shoots- NO! Bad bug! Fluttershy is your friend! It doesn't even make sense! Noling wears clothes anyway!
"Yes. it was awful. All that constant attention and judgment... The worst was when Photo Finish took me to be 'Cover Filly of the Month' for 'Vanner's Secret-'"
*spurt*
"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?!" Fluttershy says in alarm as she noticed you just had a big nosebleed. You quickly respond,
"Oh, uh... Just an old injury! Don't worry, I'm COMPLETELY fine! Heh heh heh..."
Stupid hormones... you think in annoyance before you clear your throat and say,
"Okay... Which way is Ponyville from here?"
She points down the road and you thank her before heading off.
COUPLE MINUTES LATER
As you're walking back, you can't help but begin to doubt that you should actually help Fluttershy.
I know Fluttershy is my friend and all. And I only have very few of them. But... what if Celestia finds me? The last thing I want to do is go up against an all-powerful, millennium old, sun-controlling alicorn. Worse... if I go up against her and I turn into my Nightmare Cloak, I would be putting countless defenseless ponies in danger. Not to mention I might get banished to the moon for the rest of my buggy life (and that's just if I'm lucky)... I just don't know what to do...
"You know what you should do... run!"
You look over to your right shoulder in shock to see the chibi armored Luna lookalike from when the Ursa attacked Ponyville on your shoulder. She smirks before saying,
"You heard me, run! So what if you lose a friend? That's nowhere near as important as living to see another day."
You are about to agree with the chibi Luna lookalike, when you hear...
"Don't listen to her! Your friends are important! Abandoning them is way worse then actually losing them!"
You look over to your left shoulder to see the chibi Nightshade standing on your shoulder giving a mean glare to the chibi Luna lookalike. The chibi Nightshade then continues saying...
"You made a vow to help those in need. You need to help Fluttershy. You promised to protect and help all ponies in need no matter the cost!"
As you begin to think about what chibi Nightshade said, you don't notice the heavy glare that both chibis are sending each other. After finally reaching your choice, you say out loud,
"You know what, chibi Nightshade is right! I made a vow to protect those who can't protect themselves, and to help those in need. Even if it means being caught by the princess, if it means helping Fluttershy, then so be it!"
You hear the chibi Luna lookalike whisper,
"One mare gives you puppy eyes and you throw your life away? Why do you have to be such a goody goody"
You see them both disappear with a poof, and you see Ponyville in sight. You think to yourself,
Okay... The Horde is too preoccupied at the moment, both my coat and changeling form are far too infamous, my disguise spell is notoriously unreliable, and the whole town is out to get me. What to do- *ding*
You get an idea when you find a conveniently abandoned box next to the road. You run to the box and say,
"Yes! The almighty cardboard box! Unlike last time, I know what I did wrong and I'm NOT getting caught today!"
With that in mind, you put the box over you and go into Ponyville.
30 MINUTES LATER
Gah! I've searched over half of this stinkin town and there's still no sign of that stinkin bird! How hard is it to find a featherless dying turkey?!
You're currently looking in a alleyway when you notice that it's right across Celestia and the mares. You get a bit nervous when she briefly turned her head in your direction, but nothing happened. You hope to get done searching this alley and fast befo-
Suddenly you and the box you're in are picked up by a golden aura of magic and the next thing you know, you're levitating to Celestia-knows-where. Just as suddenly, the box is removed from you and you're upside-down and looking right at the princess's face. She smirks and says,
You gulp in fear as you notice all the shocked, angry, or scared faces around you while the mares are just smirking in victory. You say in a panic,
"Bu- bu- bu- But... How?! I went by Assassin's Creed rules instead of Metal Gear Solid rules!"
Celestia responds,
"I'll let my student explain."
Twilight nods her head in thanks at the sun goddess before she smugly responds/explains,
"You see, based on your actions during Appleloosa and from what Applejack and Rarity have told me about their first encounter with you, it became quite obvious that you're somepony who plays a lot of video games. So, I had my friends put boxes near every entrance to Ponyville and had everypony on the lookout for moving boxes. Word of advice, boxes can't move on their own, let alone do parkour. Oh hey Fluttershy, you arrived in time to see our capture of the Most Wanted Pony in Equestria."
You turn your head to see Fluttershy with a look of shock, horror, and worry on her face.
"Oh my..."
At least Fluttershy didn't betray me...you think as you sigh and ask,
"Permission to speak your highness?"
She looks at you suspiciously before saying,
"Granted."
You nod your head in thanks before clearing your thought and screaming,
"CURSE YOU LADY LUCKKKKKKKKK, CURSE YOUUUUUUUUUU!"
Celestia is about to pull off your mask when "WAIT!!!" you look over to se Fluttershy "I uh... just thought... maybe should uh..." she trails off... But you get an idea. Celestia says(something smart, witty, and something that is very close to how you are) then she takes off your hood (but! before they take off your hood you change you appearance but it's covered up by your hoods magic so they don't know) You look like... (you decide!)
Celestia's witty remark: You're an unlucky, senile cake thief who have a disfigured head with a tendency of foolish behavior compared to that of a dumb hobo! Response: W-well, I was doing you a favor! The cake goes down your big flank! Cue gasps and angry glares, and nervous chuckles from you. Er, and it's nice- You know what? I'm not digging myself any deeper.
"CURSE YOUR BLOODY EXISTENCE LADY LUCK, WHEN I GET MY HO*zap*"
Your angry outburst and your cursing of lady luck ends when Twilight zaps you with a magic blast to the head. You glare at her and are about to continue your cursing of lady luck, when Twilight gives you a look that said "just that try again and there will be pain". To back up her threatening glare, she charges up her horn, which starts to give off a painful looking purple glow. You gulp in fear and you decide that you can rant about your hatred of lady luck later. Celestia gives a thankful nod towards Twilight before she turns to you (still levitating upside down due to her magical hold) and says in a calm voice...
"Now, let's see who the monster under the hood looks like. I imagine you look like an unlucky cake thief who has a disfigured head and hooves with a tendency of foolish behavior."
The mares look at each other (especially Twilight) in confusion as you glare at Celestia and say,
"Oh yeah, well I was doing you a favor, anypony tell you that cakes go straight to your thighs. And from what I can see, you were eating too many of them! I mean look at the size of... that... thing..."
You slowly stop your taunting as fear takes over you. There are multiple gasp throughout the crowd, as well as alot of angry glares. But that's not what's scaring you. It's the fact that Celestia has the same kind smile on, but there is a gleam in her eyes and if looks could kill, you would be ash and six feet under by now. Celestia then says in a seemingly pleasant tone that still has anger underneath it,
"What. Did you say?"
You chuckle nervously before saying as fast as possible,
"I uh, said that you had a very beautiful and not at all large flanks. I mean not as good as Fluttershy's but, uh... ah buck it, I already dug my grave, I ain't digging it any deeper."
She just continues to stare intently at you as Fluttershy blushes. You just gulp and think,
And now I know why my grand buggy always said not to insult a mare.
!$#$#%, never, and I mean never! Insult a mare if you value your life. Tartarus hath no fury like an enraged mare as when a mare is angered, she will get the strength of a hundred stallions. And she will hunt you down, and she. Will. Kill. You. Now help me blockade this door before the bugs from the gentlebug's club find me*crash* AHHHHH RUN BUGZE RUNNNNN!!!
You never thought a changeling's body could even bend like that. And lets just say you never disrespected a mare ever again (until recently due to reasons *cough*Applejack&Rainbow*cough*. With that thought in mind, you can only watch as Celestia starts to slowly to remove your hood. You begin to panic, but you don't know why considering the fact that Twilight and the mares already know that you're a changeling. Maybe you're freaking out because you're about to be exposed by the princess of the sun. But, it's most likely due to the fact that if you, The Hooded Offender, gets outed as a changeling, then more anti-changeling spells would be used to harm you, and you really don't want that to happen. Having normal spells and attacks launched at you is one thing, but spells and attacks made to specifically harm you, no thanks. With that thought in mind, you begin to beg your brain for help.
I need to think of something and fast! Come on brain! I know we never got along well in the past. But for both our sakes, please, please think something up! I'm to young to die. I have a daughter and everything, so please brain, think of something...
...
Nope, I got nothing...WHY!?!? I had so many plans in life. I was gonna meet up with Cadance at the Gala...somehow. I was gonna open a big book and game store in Appleloosa. I was gonna marry Sally and live my life on the farm...wait what?
As you're wondering who this Sally pony is and where you got such a strange thought, you don't notice Fluttershy take a really deep breath. The next thing you know, you hear the loudest "WAIT!" ever. You swear the scream could wake up a statue. You (and everyling who knows her) look over to Fluttershy and you can't help but think,
For a shy mare who doesn't talk above a whisper half the time, she sure does have a mighty pair of lungs.
Fluttershy starts to shrink away from the sudden attention, and Twilight asks, "What is it Fluttershy?"
Fluttershy starts to shift around nervously before she tries to speak,
"I was... um... you see... ummmm."
While they're distracted with Fluttershy, you get a great idea.
You transform into Flash Sentry before your hood is ripped off. Every pony gasps, but Twilight snorts. "I'm not falling for that! You aren't a pony!" "Wait!" you shout. "I am a pony! Flash Sentry, one of the Royal Guard." "Then what are you sneaking around for?!" Twilight demands. You look guiltily at Princess Celestia. "Our entire unit was captured by the Hooded Offender. I'm sorry we failed you, Your Highness, but I was able to escape and search for help. I... didn't exactly want this known publicly." Rainbow Dash buts in. "The Offender is a wimp! How did he take out an entire unit of guards?" "He has minions now! Diamond Dogs!" Every pony gasps again, and Rarity stamps a hoof. "Then we must go help your fellows! Lead the way!" "Hold on," Twilight says, "this still doesn't make sense. Why does the Offender have minions?" You've asked yourself that question since you first got them. Here's hoping your evil geniusness finally shines through... "They, uh, they're searching for a diamond! Y-Yeah, the Offender is ticked that he didn't get any money out of Appleloo or whatever he said, and he thinks this diamond is worth more than the combined incomes of," you sit upright, shifting your voice to a robotic monotone, "[Insert subject hometown here.]" Twilight sighs and facehoofs. "Portal? You're a gamer, too? Please, some pony, spare me..." Princess Celestia nods her head. "I believe him. Show us the way, Flash Sentry, and we will free your brothers in arms." You blanch. "Y-You're going too? I thought the six of them-" "WHAT?!" Rainbow screams. "The six of us? You weren't coming?!" "The Offender... he... uh, he questioned me. With vise-grips." Another round of every pony gasping. This time in disgust, sympathy, and awe that you are still standing. Princess Celestia regains her composure, and says, "You will stay beside me during the battle, then. We will discuss further strategy on the way there." Rainbow laughs. "What strategy? AJ and I could clear the whole cave out in one charge! Right Applejack?" And so your journey back to your minions begins, listening to all the horrible things every pony has planned for you...
You quickly use your changeling disguise magic while the ponies are distracted by Fluttershy.
Hopefully everything will go according to plan. That way, I won't have to use... that.
With that thought in mind you clear your throat to get the ponies attention back onto you. Celestia just snorts in annoyance before she rips your hood off. Every pony gasps as not a changeling, but Flash Sentry was under the hood. Twilight snorts,
"I'm not falling for that! You aren't a pony!"
With that said she begins to charge up a very painful looking blast as Celestia looks at her with a slightly puzzled look. Thinking quickly you shout out in a panicked tone,
"Wait, don't shoot! I am a pony! Flash Sentry, one of the Royal Guard."
Twilight calms down and powers down her attack, but she then gets in your face and asks in a demanding tone,
"Then what are you sneaking around for, and why did you insult the princess?!"
You look guiltily at Princess Celestia and say,
"Our entire unit was captured by the Hooded Offender. I'm sorry we failed you, Your Highness, but I was able to escape and search for help. I... didn't exactly want this known publicly. And as for the insulting part, well, ummmm, I was under mind contorl?"
You say that last part as more of a question. They seem to buy that and Celestia is about to say something, when Rainbow Dash butts in,
"The Offender is a wimp! How did he take out an entire unit of guards?"
You growl at that, but luckily noling notices. You clear your throat and say,
"He has minions now! Diamond Dogs!"
Everypony gasps again, and Rarity stamps a hoof.
"Then we must go help your fellows! Lead the way!"
Everyling nods their head and are about to head off as Celestia gently puts you down and releases her magical grasp on you, when Twilight says,
"Hold on, this still doesn't make sense. Why does the Offender have minions?"
You've asked yourself that question since you first got them. Here's hoping your evil geniusness finally shines through... "They, uh, they're searching for a diamond! Y-Yeah, the Offender is ticked that he didn't get any money out of Appleloo or whatever he said, and he thinks this diamond is worth more than the combined incomes of," you sit upright, shifting your voice to a robotic monotone, "[Insert subject hometown here.]"
Twilight asks,
"Portal? You're a gamer, too?"
Princess Celestia nods her head.
"I believe him. Show us the way, Flash Sentry, and we will free your brothers in arms."
You blanch as you realize that was not a good idea... for you at least.
"Y-You're going too? I thought the six of them-"
"WHAT?!" Rainbow yells causing you to hold your ears in pain.
"The six of us? You weren't coming?!"
You give a fake gulp and say,
"The Offender... he... uh, he interrogated me. (*You hang your head low and shamefully for effect*)With vise-grips."
Another round of every pony gasping. This time in disgust, sympathy, and awe that you are still standing.
Princess Celestia regains her composure, and says,
"You will stay beside me during the battle, then. We will discuss further strategy on the way there."
"What strategy? Applejack and I could clear the whole cave out in one charge! Right Applejack?" Rainbow Dash laughs.
"By the way, where is everli- I mean pony?" you ask as you notice the whole town seems to be empty except for the mares, two Royal Guard pegasus, and Princess Celestia.
"Due to a series of thefts, most likely caused by the Hooded Offender and his minions, I had the Mayor tell everypony to stay inside. Now let us depart."
As you're all about to head out, Applejack suddenly says something that makes your blood to run cold.
"Twi... I want ya'll to cast that changeling detection spell on me."
Twilight gives her a surprised look, before she asks,
"Why Applejack? There's no reason to use it now."
By now you had put your hood back on and you were slowly walking towards a alleyway.
Hopefully I can get there and teleport to the cave before anyling notices m-
"Hey Flashy, were are you going?" You slowly turn around to see Pinkie looking at you with a confused expression.
You are about to lie your way out of this (why is it that you feel bad to lie, yet your a changeling, a creature born to lie, Oh the irony), when you hear Applejack scream,
"DON'T LET THAT VARMINT GET AWAY, HE'S A CHANGELING!"
You sigh in defeat as your disguise drops right then.
If only that spell lasted a few more minutes, I could have bluffed my way out and had been home free.
You think to yourself in annoyance. You take a deep breath before you shout...
"LOOK A DISTA*PUNCH*"
You're stopped mid-sentence by Pinkie sucker-punching you. You look to see the angry look on Pinkies face, which causes you to freeze in fright as she says,
"That was for taking 40 cakes while nopony was looking! 40 Cakes! That's as many as four tens! And that's terrible! I SHOULD BAKE YOU INTO A CUPCAKE FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST PASTRY-KIND!"
"Pinkie, that sounds like the plot to bad fanfiction." Twilight says as you're so frozen in fear that you can't help but get captured in Celestia's yellow aura again, When she makes you face her you can't help but say,
"You're a changeling?" Celestia asks in confusion.
The mares give each other confused looks as Applejack says,
"Ya didn't know this varmint's ah changeling? Twilight told us ya'll already knew."
Celestia gives a nervously chuckling Twilight a glare that says "We are going to discuss this later" before she turns to you and says in a dangerously serious tone,
"Where. Are. My. Little. Ponies?"
You then just can't help but sigh at the fact that you have to use that plan. You say to her in your villain voice,
"You want your colt-toys back that badly? Fine."
With that, you take a deep breath and scream...
Cue accusations/threats/execution ideas from the ponies before Celestia demands where are her little ponies and you remember the work you did back at the cave. Maybe it's time to reveal what that work was... (maybe something involving hostages?)
RELEASE THE KRAGLE!
Celestia calls you a monster for what you're doing to the Royal Guardponies, but you respond "At least I don't let my sister go around hanging foals." She gives her response before putting you down.
"RELEASE THE KRAGLE!"
The ponies all ready themselves for something to happen and...
...
Nothing happens. You sigh in annoyance and decide to give it another try,
"I SAID... CODE-PHRASE: 'RELEASE THE KRAGLE'! NOW!!! COME ON YOU MUTTS! WE WENT OVER THIS A DOZEN TIMES!!!" You yell in the RCV.
...
Once again, nothing happens as the ponies now start to show confusion. Pinkie breaks the silence by asking,
"What's a 'kragle'."
Seeing as she's not smiling at you like a sadist, you decide to answer her question.
"Uh... You'll see." you respond.
SEVEN MINUTES LATER...
Seven minutes later and still the diamond dogs haven't arrived. It's gotten so boring that you, Celestia, and Twilight had start to play a game of go fish (Twilight had some cards on her for some reason). So far it's a tie with you and Celestia with eighteen match, while Twilight only had three. You're about to ask Celestia if she had the card you had, when Rainbow flies between all of you, causing the cards to scatter. You look at her and yell in annoyance,
"Hey, we were playing a game here if you couldn't notice!" Rainbow just sticks her tongue out at you before saying,
You are about to say how impatient she is, when Applejack says,
"Ah say this here varmint is just stallin. We should just get a rope and hang him high!"
Your face turns as white as a ghost under your hood and you gulp in fear, and you don't notice the shocked and angry look Celestia has on her face when Applejack said that. Suddenly, before anypony can respond, a bunch of figures burst out of the ground. The Horde are all wearing purple hooded cloaks (think Ravens form Teen Titans) with this symbol (you really like that symbol for some odd reason) on their backs and carrying spears. In between them, the Royal Guardponies are tied up and have muzzles/collars made out of scrap metal and duct tape.
"Took ya long enough." you comment.
Celestia readies to charge up a spell, but you quickly say in your villain voice,
"Not so fast, solar-flank! You see those things around the necks and muzzles of 'your little ponies'?"
Celestia hesitates as you continue,
"In addition to my Diamond Dogs minions holding the very pointy spears, those are devices of my own design. They have been built and magically reinforced so that if you try to take them off, if my heart stops beating, or even when I give the signal..."
You give a wave of your hoof which signals Rover to take the muzzle off of the squirming/panicking and a very beaten up Second Lieutenant Strong Head (you had the foresight to jam a rock into Strong Head's mouth as an extra gag) which causes the collar to make a whirling click noise and start ticking.
"In 7 seconds the devices around their necks will constrict so fast that their heads will pop off like champagne corks!"
All the ponies gasp in shock and horror as you give another wave of your hoof to make Rover put Strong Head's muzzle back on which causes another whirling click which stops the ticking. What they don't know, is that those devices are just harmless trinkets you built in a cave with duct tape and a box of scraps and this whole thing is just one BIG bluff. As your grandbuggy used to say,
!$#$#%, in any card game, a pair of family jewels beats everything. Never underestimate the power of a good bluff. Now if you might as well fold now cause I totally have a Royal Flush and not just a hoof full of 2's...
You never were able to beat grandbuggy at Poker (or any card game for that matter. Not even Uno)
"Princess, I know EXACTLY how to handle these particular ruffians." Rarity announces before she steps forward and starts... whining?
"You stole my supplies! Those cloaks are so tacky! Standoffs are cliche! Why do we have to be outside? I spent so many bits on the fabric yo-"
"SILENCE!" you command in the RCV.
Tacky? I worked very hard on those cloaks! If anything she's tacky... yeah that works. You think before you say,
"My minions have already enlightened me on their previous encounter with you so I came up with... What was that word? You know... Like a backup plan, but with more letters..."
"Countermeasures?" Twilight comments.
"Yes, countermeasures. Countermeasures inspired by our little encounter on the train. Minions?" you say with a flourish of your hoof which is cue for Fido to remove his hood and turn his head to reveal earplugs.
"Now if you're all finished, are you going to put me down, or am I going to have to start painting this town red with some of your colt-toys?"
Celestia gives you a hateful glare,
"You monster..."
"Hmph, coming from the alicorn who lets her sister run around hanging foals, isn't that the cake calling the pie fattening?" you say in response. The ponies and Celestia look at you in shock before Celestia says,
"I... I have no recollection of what you're talking about."
*snap*
Anger flashes though your mind as your eyes start to glow orange and you say,
"Don't know... DON'T KNOW! YOU WERE THERE WHEN SHE SUGGESTED THE GALLOWS FOR A LITTLE FILLY AND YOU HAVE THE BUCKING BALLS TO SAY YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!"
Celestia shrinks back at your outburst and she lets go of the yellow aura surrounding you. Sadly this causes you to land on your head (you were upside down the whole time). You get up and you glare at Celestia before you calm down and the orange glow disappears. You can also feel the tension in the air from both your outburst at Celestia and the 'hostages'. So with a deep breath you think...
Your plan inevitably goes to Tartarus (possibly due to another Starscream attempt by Spot)
Okay... this is a REALLY tense situation so I need to do something to lighten the mood a bit and let me get away...
"Tell you what, solar-flank, as a show of... courtesy, I'll let one of the colts go."
Strong Head immediately tries to make a break for it, but Fido smacks him down. You give Fido an approving nod before saying,
"I don't recall giving any of you permission to leave."
"Hey! You said you would let them go!" Rainbow Dash protests,
"I said I'll let one of the ponies go. And that pony will be him." you say as you point to Flash Sentry.
Fido goes to cut Flash's limb restraints, but Flash rears back before knocking into Fido with his shoulder, toppling the Diamond Dog. The Horde points their spears at Flash in response.
"HEEL!" you command in the RCV before the situation could get any worse.
What are you doing you idiot? you think in surprised frustration I'm letting you go cause your my friend (okay, not exactly "true friend" but more of an acquaintance/buddy I don't dislike...) so GO!
Flash just shakes his head before nudging the white earth stallion guard pony next to him. You remember that that was the earth pony who had that nursery rhyme book. Based on your (limited) deduction skills (that you more-or-less picked up from reading those Sherclop Holmes stories), you deduced from the nursery rhyme book and the fact that one of the Dig Dogs commented that the guardpony smelt of baby powder (he commented this while putting the device on him) that the stallion must be a recent father.
The white royal guardpony gives Flash a surprised/worried look, but Flash just tilts his snout toward the princess and mares in a "Just go" gesture. The white stallion gives an understanding/thankful nod and starts to move forward and Fido moves to stop him, but you stop Fido with a raise of your hoof and say,
"Let him go instead. If that orange fool wishes to be my guest for longer, so be it."
With that, Fido cuts the limb restraints of the white Earth Guardpony and prods the spear at his flank to make him move forward. The guardpony slowly starts walking forward towards the mares as you walk towards your minions backwards, never taking your eyes off the mares. While everyling in the area is focusing on this tense standoff Spot uses this opportunity for another coup attempt and hurls his spear at you after you pass the guardpony. The spear just misses you and tears off the guardpony's muzzle. You turn to Spot and scream,
"WHO THE HAY TOLD YOU TO START EXECUTING HOSTAGES?! PLUS YOU ALMOST HIT ME YA STUPID MONGREL!!! AND HE HAD A FAMILY TOO, HOW DUMB ARE YOU!!"
Spot begins to tremble as you continue to lecture him. Meanwhile, everypony is reacting in shock as the device on the guardpony's neck starts to make the whirling click noise and starts ticking. The guardpony starts to panic as he immediately and desperately tries to "disarm" the device on his neck as he screams,
"Oh Celestia NO!!! I have two new foals and a loving wife! Somepony please help me, I don't want to die!!!"
The ticking stops and everyone braces themselves for the inevitable fountain of blood...
...
and nothing happens.
Everpony starts to glare at you and the Horde (especially the muzzled hostages starting to glare at the hooded Diamond Dogs) as you and the Horde start to get nervous and uneasy at being surrounded with a failed bluff. In this very unstable situation, you can't help but chuckle nervously before screaming,
"EVERYLING FOR THEMSELVES!!!"
And with that chaos insures, You start running away as the Horde starts to scatter in all directions. The guards break free from their binds thanks to the mares and Celestia and thanks to the stupidity of the Diamond dogs, they managed to grab the spears. And now they are chasing you and the Horde minions and trying to stab you, so you do the only logical thing... scream for your life,
"HOLY SWEET LUNA GET THE HAY AWAY FROM ME. I AM NOT A KABOB INGREDIENT. AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE BECOMING A SWISS CHEESE AT THE MOMENT THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"
You also can't help but think in annoyed anger,
I spend all this time setting up this brilliant plan, and it doesn't even last an hour!
Just as your about to give up on losing them, when you see two things in the corner...
Philomena sets you on fire and Ponyville just makes the fire even worse (cue screams/comments of fiery pain). THEN lady luck cuts you a break as after a understandably long amount of time panicking at the fact that you're on fire, you realize that even though your coat is covered in an inferno, you doesn't feel any burning, aren't suffocating from the flames or heat, and your coat isn't even taking any damage. You then realize the coat is fireproof and may take advantage of the fact that you're now a walking firestorm.
Find staff from Episode 42.
What you see is a featherless red turk-I mean bird on top of a familiar looking black wooden staff with a huge red crystal at the top of it. You can't help but think...
Hey, it's that bird. What was her name... Stellaluna? Philippines? Philomania? And isn't that the staff I used to blast that Ursa Minor- *ding*
You suddenly get a VERY risky idea, but you're in a very tight spot so you quickly dive and grab the featherless bird and the staff with a roll. You quickly shove the staff into The Inventory before you mutter a quick "So sorry little guy" to the bird before holding her in front of you and yelling,
"THIS IS MY MEAT SHIELD! THERE ARE MANY LIKE HER, BUT THIS ONE'S MINE!"
"I thought I was your meat shield!" Rarity whines,
Your eye twitches in anger and you can'r help but shout in annoyance,
"WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?!"
You see all the ponies glaring at you with looks of shock and anger. The Horde have all hidden by the looks of it and the guards are aiming their spears at you.
You then think to yourself,
Okay... my minions are disorganized, scattered, and hidden, I'm surrounded by hostile ponies led by a sun goddess, and I'm currently using said sun goddess' pet as a hostage... If I don't think of something else soon...
You look around for a potential exit and when you see Princess Celestia she's... smirking?
Wait a minute... Isn't she worried for the safety of her pet? It's her stinking PET for crying out lou-
From this day forward, you would never be able to look at a bird without shivering in terror.
*foosh*"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
You scream as the bird in your hooves suddenly bursts into flames setting the forearms of your coat on fire and you do what any sane changeling would do...
You blindly run around with your hooves in front of you in a panic.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Fiiiireeeeeeeee! Get it off me! Getitoffme!"
"HOODY!!!" Fluttershy screams, "Somepony do something! Please!"
The others give her weird looks, but you don't care at the moment as you are currently ON FIRE!
"Fiyah! Fiyah! Fiyah!"
"I can't get focused on him. He's running around too much." Celestia responds.
Wait, why would she want to help me? You would have liked to think more about this, but seeing as you are ON FIRE at the moment, you can't really do that.
"Everyling! I am on fire!"
A trio of royal guardponies rush to restrain you *WHACK* but in your panic you barrel right through them and set the crests of their helmets on fire. This causes the guardponies to scatter and start panicking too which forces Celestia to attend to them.
"What have I ever done to deserve this?!" You scream in terror.
Of course Applejack responds,
"Well, there's kicking dirt in Twilight's eyes, using Rarity as a meat sh-"
"THAT WAS RHETORICAL YOU STUPID SPECIES-IST HICK!!!" You scream in annoyance. Applejack gives a huff of annoyance and gives you the stink eye.
"Hmmph. Serves that ruffian right for all he's done." Rarity comments
Wait...What! Why is she here!?!? You would have thought more on this if, again, you weren't currently ON FIRE!
"Do something! Please!" Fluttershy begs Rarity.
"I. Am. On. FIRE!" You scream again in pure terror as you are running around like a headless chicken.
"Fine, but only because you asked me to dear. Oh, Mr on-fire Hooded Ruffian?"
"WHAT?!" you scream while still running around with your flaming hooves in front of you.
"If you would kindly come over here, I'll put that fire out."
Normally you would suspect a trap, but since you're on fire you just run over to her in desperation. You stop in front of her and state,
"I appear to have burst into flames."
You hear Flash snicker at your reference, but Rarity just rolls her eyes, pulls out a fan, and says,
"Just hold still and I'll blow the flames out with this fan-" *foosh* "Oops."
Unfortunately, Rarity's fanning causes the flames to get bigger and engulf your whole arms.
"OOPS, YOU CALL THIS A BUCKING OOPS YOU TACKY EXCUSE FOR A FASHIONISTA?!!!" You scream again.
Rarity gives an insulted "Why I never..." as you go back to doing what you did before,
"The burning! THE BURNING!"
"Don't worry Offender! I'll put out that nasty fire with my party cannon!"
"PINKIE, NO!" all the mares scream too late as she fires the party cannon *foosh* and the confetti and streamers just feed the flames making them larger,
"WHYYYYYYY?!!! WHY MUST IT BE ME THAT YOU TORTURE LADY LUCK. WHY CAN'T IT BE HER!" You point at Rainbow when you yell this and she yells "Hey!"
Everyling looks at Pinkie in annoyance and/or anger and she responds,
"What? Not enough confetti- *WHACK* oof!"
You unwittingly knock into Pinkie as you continue your fiery panic and the mares quickly rush over to see if the party pony is okay (a panicking running torch did just slam into her over),
"My flesh! It BURNS!!!"
You finally get the idea to jump into the fountain. Unfortunately Spot saw another coup opportunity, so while you we're panicking, he stole some lighter fluid and poured it into the fountain so when you jumped in...
*FOOSH*
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world!"
"YES!" Spot screams triumphantly with the empty bottle of lighter fluid in paw. "I slayed master! That make me new alpha!"
He tears off his cloak and throws it into the inferno fountain before commanding,
"Dogs, to me!"
The Diamond Dogs look at each other and shrug before coming out of their hiding places, tear off their cloaks as they head towards Spot before rolling on their backs in submissive recognition of the new alpha.
"YOU DID THIS?!!!"
Spot turns around and recoils in fear when he sees Fluttershy giving him "The Stare".
Meanwhile, you close your eyes as you wait for the flames to consume you...
And wait...
And wait...
And wait...
Why aren't I melting right now. I'm a literal walking inferno. So... Why am I not feeling any pain?
You open your eyes to see that the flames are still on you and the fountain is a big inferno, not only do you not feel any pain, but the flames aren't disintegrating your coat.
Huh, go figure. My awesome cloak is fireproof.
You look out to Ponyville and see one of your cloaks in front of you and your former minions submitting to Spot. It doesn't take long for you to put 2 and 2 together before you get a wicked idea...
Cue Hooded Offender pretending to be a flaming maniac to scare The traitorous Horde (that immediately went to Spot when Hooded Offender was on fire) into surrendering to Celestia and even get some petty revenge on Rainbow and Applejack by trying to give them a "group hug" and chasing them around town
You start to chuckle slowly as you walk out of the inferno, but it soon turns to insane laughter
This grabs the attention of all the ponies and the Horde and they start to back away from you in fear. You have a wicked grin on your face as you stop laughing. You slowly turn over to the ponies and say in a insane tone
"Oh ponies... You know how you're always going on about 'love and tolerance'? How about we put that into practice, WITH A GROUP HUG! AHAHHAHAHAHH!"
With that, you charge at them and, considering you're a running firestorm, they scream before they start to scatter and run away. As you switch between ponies to chase after, you start to shout insane things at them like,
"No need to run ya fillyfooler! I'm just a FIRESTORM! I thought storms were the specialty of pegasus!" "Hey AppleJACK! How bout we rename you AppleCRISP!" "Let's see how you like being the fire of a party you pink psycho!" "Oh Rarity! Don't ya know? Flames are IN this season!" "Flash! How about we make that name LITERAL!" "Twilight! Let's make you sparkle like a lousy excuse for a vampire, WITH FIRE!!!" "Fluttershy... Don't worry sweetie, you're cool so you have nothing to fear from m- I SEE YOU RIGHT THERE STRONG HEAD!!!"
Yeah, you are having WAY too much fun with this...
"EX-MASTER IS MAD!!! DOGS! FLEE!!!" Rover screams before Spot interrupts,
"Hey! Me alpha now! I give orders!"
"Don't run, it's just little FIERY DEATH!!!" You scream as you chase after a pair of guardponies and run past the dogs,
"...DOGS! FLEE!!!" Spot screams and the ex-Horde all run for the forest when you suddenly teleport in front of them,
"Hey there my 'loyal' ex-minions. Congratulations on becoming alpha, Spot. How about we celebrate with a barbecue. I was thinking HOT DOGS!!!"
The Diamond Dogs all scream in fear as they run away from you and throw themselves before Princess Celestia (who had finally put out the last on-fire guardpony).
"We surrender Miss giant sun pony! Please protect us from ex-master!"
You can't help but laugh in joy at this (which comes out as insane laughter) and you think happily,
YES, Finally I got rid of those idiotic mutts. They were too much trouble to try and turn good. At least they can't do anything to stupid now.
You spot and start to chase Applejack and Rainbow again, when you notice from the corner of your eye one of the Diamond dogs falling down onto a plank. Now you wouldn't care if it weren't for the fact that the plank had a bucket of water at the end of it, so with the Diamond dog falling on the other end, it sends the water bucket flying... right at you. Now you would have moved if you weren't to busy facehoofing at the dogs action.
I stand corrected, the dogs can still do stupid stuff even while being arrested-
*SPLASH*
You sigh as you are no longer a blazing inferno anymore. But luckily enough for you, not only are most of the mares nowhere in sight and Celestia's attention is currently on the Diamond Dogs, but you're also in front of the entrance to Ponyville. The downside... all the guards are blocking the way, with Second Lieutenant Strong Head being in front of all them with a scowl on his face. You laugh nervously and ask,
"Hehehe is there any way that you would just let me pass?"
Strong Head just spits on the ground and yells,
"CHARGE!"
You sigh in annoyance and you begin to panic, before you remember one of your abilities you have, which causes you to smirk and...
You use the last of your strength to issue one final FUS RO DAH! to escape. You can literally hear a choir in the background after you scream. Poops a sword, Praise the Lord F***ing cool, Oh my God. Me gusta those potatoes are gooooooooooood 'cause they're top end foods stringed on my buuuuuuuttery fooooork... Come to think of it, you never understood those lyrics...
Poops a sword, Praise the Lord F***ing cool, Oh my God. Me gusta those potatoes are gooooooooooood 'cause they're top end foods stringed on my buuuuuuuttery fooooork...
I never quite understood those lyrics you think before shouting,
"FUS RO DAH!"
The shout works and it sends the guards flying, and you can't help but cringe when Strong Head lands in what looks like a bath house. You cringed even more from the screams of terror, pain, and "a peeping tom!" As you deduce that he landed on the mare's side. You shake your head before you run for the entrance, and you can't help but stop and turn around and yell out to Celestia (who's overseeing Twilight and Flash arresting the Diamond Dogs)
"Sorry solar-flank, but you will always remember this day, as the day you almost captured The Hooded Offender! HOODED OFFENDER, AWAY!"
And with that, you turn and start running for a few moments before you say to yourself,
"Wait, why am I running when I could teleport?"
With a roll of your eyes, you teleport away (just in time too as Flash was just about to tackle you *SLAM* but slams into the ground instead)
A SECOND LATER
You teleport into the cave, but unfortunately you appeared a few yards (or meters) into the air before falling and landing on the small pile of gems. "OWWW!!!"
As you get up and brush some of the gems off of you, you sigh in relief as you look around the cave.
Well, I'm finally free of those minions, I have a temporary shelter (at least until those dogs lead the ponies here), I've seem to run into a bit of money, and this "Grand Galloping Gala" thing is in a few days. Gotta prepare for that...
You give a confident smirk as you look at the gems and say to yourself,
You chuckle evily, still a bit insane. "I'll crash that stupid, pansy party, find Cadance and convert her to the dark side! I'll...I'll bribe her with cookies! Ha! And cake! LOTS OF CAKE! And then, with the power of a goddess on my side, I'll...I'll..." you laugh harder. "Ehehehe..." "I'LL MAKE THEM KNEEL TO ME!" You laugh even harder, your mind consumed in darkness...and then you choke. Gasping for air, the homicidal maniac part of you melts away, and you struggle to remember what just happened.
As you look over the gems, you can't help but start to laugh evilly (obviously you haven't got the whole "acting like a complete lunatic" thing out of your system yet),
"Mwahahhahahaah I'll crash that stupid, pansy party, find Cadance and convert her to the dark side! I'll...I'll bribe her with cookies! Ha! And cake! LOTS OF CAKE! And then, with the power of a goddess on my side, I'll... I'll..."
You start to laugh even harder, so much so that it starts to hurt, but you don't notice the pain because you're too focused on your insane rambling.
"EHAHAHAAHAH I'LL MAKE THEM KNEEL BEFORE ME! EHAHAHAHAHAH!"
You start to laugh even harder than before, so much so that you're on the floor holding your sides in pain. Your mind begins to slowly become consumed by the darkness within you and you can feel that evil voice begin to help fill the darkness and is about to say something when... you choke. You quickly get up gasping for air, and you look around your area to see that your no longer on top of the tiny gem pile, but in a dark corner. As the homicidal maniac and the evil voice begin to fade to the back of your mind, you can't help but begin to wonder on what happened.
What in the name of Luna happened, I remember using my new escaping catchphrase. Then I teleported here and then... nothing... Oh well, if it was THAT important I'll probably remember it later or something...
Nodding your head at your decision, you begin to walk out of the dark corner and towards the gem pile, when...
Nightshade walks up to you with red and blue dust on her muzzle. "Welcome back, Daddy!" "What in the world is on your face?" "I was playing dragon! I was eating gemstones! But my tummy hurts now..." Oh, the last thing you need right now is a sick child. Maybe Fluttershy can...? No, she'll be going to the Gala too. And you aren't going anywhere near Ponyville for awhile. Well... what can you do for her? Does she have a fever? "Um... Daddy? Why are you holding a hoof to my head?" You sigh. "I have no idea." What normal body temperature would a magical filly you can only assume was born from creepy armor inside the magic void of the inventory even have? "Well, don't worry about me too much. I'm a tough girl! Anyway, the mail came while you were gone." Wait... "What?" Sure enough, Nightshade hands you an envelope. "It just popped out of thin air. Can the postal service do that? Are they following you? Isn't that kind of an invasion of privacy?" You take the envelope and open it. Inside is a letter and a golden ticket. Dear Bugze, *sigh* Yes, I actually wrote the word sigh with asterisks to signify that I am taking an action. That's how baffled I am with you right now. The Grand Galloping Gala? Really? You know the princesses are there, right? And the Royal Guard? And those six crazy mares? And that it's the epicenter of the invasion so absolutely no one else will be happy to see you there? You are screwed. I don't even know why I'm helping you with this, but you'll need this ticket. Just... just stay alive. Try. From, A Friend
Nightshade walks out of one of the caves tunnels with red and blue dust on her muzzle, and you begin to wonder how she got here, before you remember,
Oh that's right! I didn't want to put her in danger just in case something went wrong when I went to Zecora's. So I told her to stay hidden here.
After your done reminiscing, you see that Nightshade is right in front of you. She gives you a adorable smile before saying,
"Welcome back, Daddy!"
You can't help but give (what you think is) a fatherly smile when she said that, but you become concerned when you see the red and blue dust on her muzzle, and you ask worriedly,
"What in the hive is on your face?"
Nightshade giggles at your worry, and she says in a adorable tone,
"I was playing dragon! I saw this chair made of gems so I ate it... Like a dragon eats gems! But I still can't breath fire like dragons. And now my tummy hurts..."
Oh great, the last thing I need right now is a sick foal, especially my daughter. Maybe Fluttershy can...? No, she'll be going to the Gala too. And I'm not going anywhere near Ponyville for awhile. Well... what can I do for her? Does she have a fever?
With that thought in mind, you put your hoof on her head to feel for a temperature, and Nightshade just gives you a confused look before asking,
"Um... Daddy? Why are you holding a hoof to my head?"
You put your hoof down and you just sigh and say,
"I... I honestly don't know."
You then start to think,
What would be the normal body temperature of a magical filly I can only assume was born from creepy armor inside the magic void of the inventory?
While you're thinking, Nightshade notices your worried look before she says in a happy tone,
"Well, don't worry about me too much. I'm a tough girl! (*She pounds her chest in an adorable attempt to look tough*) Anyway, the mail came while you were gone."
"Well that's good, did we get any bills- Wait WHAT?"
You look over to her in surprise and sure enough, Nightshade hands you an envelope.
"It just popped out of thin air. Can the postal service do that? Are they following you? Isn't that kind of an invasion of privacy?..."
As Nightshade begins to ramble on about how it's not nice to invade someling's privacy, you just take the envelope and open it. Inside is a letter and two golden tickets. You immediately recognize the hoof writing as you 'friend' who gave you your awesome cloak and The Inventory. You then read the letter...
Dear Bugze,
*sigh* Yes, I actually wrote the word sigh with asterisks to signify that I am taking an action. That's how baffled I am with you right now. The Grand Galloping Gala? Really? You know the princesses are there, right? And the Royal Guard? And those six crazy mares? And that it's the epicenter of the invasion so absolutely no one else will be happy to see you there? You are screwed. I don't even know why I'm bothering to help you with this, but you'll need these tickets. Just... just TRY to stay alive.
From, A Friend
Your eye twitches in annoyance at the fact that the pony still won't tell you who they are and how they doubt your awesome plan. You look at the golden tickets in your hoof and wonder how the two items are gonna help you, when you realize that they say 'Ticket To The Grand Galloping Gala'. You just sigh and shake your head as you put the two tickets into The Inventory.
'Two Grand Galloping Gala Tickets' added to The Inventory
You then turn to the still rambling Nightshade (she's somehow rambling about who'd win in a fight between chocolate and mint) and interrupt her by saying,
"Hey, Nightshade, Sweetie."
"Yes, Daddy?"
"We're gonna go to this big, fancy, party called 'The Grand Galloping Gala' and you know why?"
Nightshade starts jumping up and down in excitement and says,
"Awesome! Why?!"
"Well, we are gonna go and visit auntie Cadance"
"I HAVE AN AUNT?!?"
"Yes you do, shes a pink alicorn, and she is daddy's first ever friend. So I want you to treat her with respect okay?"
"Yes daddy, I promise to be respectful to Auntie Cadance. But this is gonna be so cool! There'll be food, and music, and food, and ponies, and food, and maybe fireworks, did I mention foo- I'm tired now (*Falls down asleep*) Zzzzzzzz"
You chuckle and shake you head at Nightshade's antics before putting her into The Inventory. After that you looked at the tiny gem pile, and you see something interesting. On the top of the pile, there's a small midnight-colored gem in the shape of a heart and another heart-shaped gem that's pink. You can't help but smile and think,
Nightshade would love that midnight-colored one, and the pink one would make a great gift for Cadance. I know! I'll ask someling in Canterlot when we get there to make them into necklaces.
Nodding your head at your idea, you pick up the gems and put them into The Inventory...
'Midnight-Colored Heart Gem' and 'Pink-Colored Heart Gem' Added to The Inventory
You also put in the rest of the gems you found, thinking that they might be worth something. As you finish putting the gems in your Inventory, you realize something...
You realize you haven't slept since the train so you take a nap. You wake up when you hear an incoming patrol so you grab the gems and bail.
You haven't slept since you took that nap on the Train. So with a yawn, you follow Nightshade's idea and lie down on the ground before falling asleep...
THE NEXT DAY
"You're sure that this is the location of the cave?"
"Yes orange flying pony- I mean Sergeant Sentry. This be base of ex-master."
You wake up in a panic when you start to hear voices and hoofsteps heading your way.
Shoot! That's Flash and Spot! Those dogs must have led the Royal Guard here! I need to bail, now!
You think in panic as you quickly use your teleportation to get out of there before the noises got any closer. Sadly for you, you teleported about 20 yards above Zecora's hut. You sigh in annoyance at the hundredth time you messed up that spell before you start falling. As you bounce off the roof and crash into the ground, you see Zecora heading your way with a concerned look on her face. Smiling you decide it's time to put your plan to actio-
You're both startled by a series of explosions coming from where the cave used to be (it would later turn out that the Royal Guard squad had direct orders from Princess Luna to just demolish the cave with LOTS of explosives). When the explosions stop, Zecora says,
"Sky-high that cave was blew."
She then turns to you with a deadpan expression and continues,
"Did that have anything to do with you?"
"Um... Probably, but I have a small favor to ask of you..."
THE NEXT DAY, 2 DAYS BEFORE THE GALA
After you got a potion from Zecora that allows anyling to transform for a few hours while being completely immune to most detection spells, you headed to Canterlot. You walked all the way there considering you can't trust your teleport and you arrived around midnight. Luckily, a motel there was still open, so you paid to stay for four days. It cost fourteen bits, but it was worth it (52 bits left)as you even got a free slice of sponge cake after paying (okay, it was a stale leftover slice, but cake is still cake!). After getting a good night's sleep, you got up the next day and decided to...
Get the gems appraised, they may be worth something (or not).
Get those gems you got from the cave appraised. After sneaking around Assassins Creed-style, you finally found a shop that said "Gem Appraiser Shop". After thinking how un-creative that name is, you took off your coat and transformed into a random stallion in a nearby alleyway before walking into the shop. After showing the shop owner the gems you took (besides the heart-shaped ones). Sadly, the gems aren't that good quality and a large chunk was mostly worthless rocks like quartz and fool's gold. So you only got eight bits out of it all (60 bits left). After that you went back into the alley, de-transformed, put your coat back on. And you began to...
Seeing how your disguise spell isn't too reliable (especially since its pretty much a given that everyling knows the Hooded Offender is a changeling) you buy a suit (that looks like this, but you decide to leave behind the helmet in favor of a black neck gaiter and a purple top (or bowler) hat with a yellow cloth) and a small dress (that looks like this) for yourself and Nightshade respectively from a seemingly nice mare with a pink coat and a purple mane. Fortunately for you, she's having a closing sale because she's moving to Manehattan.
Look for a dress shop.
35 MINUTES LATER
You finally found one after a couple of minutes. Doing what you did before at the gem shop, you went in and bought a suit (tthat looks like this, but you decide to leave behind the helmet in favor of a black neck gaiter and a purple top hat with a yellow cloth) and a small dress (that looks like this) for yourself and Nightshade respectively from a seemingly nice mare with a pink coat and a purple mane. Fortunately for you, she's having a closing sale because she's moving to Manehattan (22 bits left). As you leave with your purchases in The Inventory, you didn't notice a mare walk in and scream,
"YOU STOLE ME DRESS AND SUIT IDEA!"
After all that you went back to the motel and slept for the rest of the day...
1 DAY LEFT BEFORE THE GGG
The next day you went out to a jeweler who, for only four bits (he was really generous), made the two heart gems into necklaces (18 bits left). The midnight-colored one had a blue chain, while the pink one had a white chain. After paying, you took Nightshade around Canterlot, and had a father-daughter day. You played at the park, watched a movie, and had a great dinner (buffet of course. You would have blown through all of your finances, but Nightshade managed to find 3 bits on the ground (3 bits left)). When you gave Nightshade the midnight-colored heart-shaped necklace to her, she crushed you in a bear hug. You just laughed and smiled through the pain before you looked over to the castle and thought,
Tomorrow's the night huh?
With that thought you took Nightshade home and you fell asleep.
NIGHT OF THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA
Deciding that you've infiltrated Canterlot quite a few times before (hooky and foalsitting, remember?) with a face cover and alot of clothes instead of a disguise spell and working off your theory that Applejack can only sense disguises, you realize that your suit's neck gait, pants, cape, long sleeves, and top hat do a good job of covering your changeling features (wings, fangs, holed limbs, etc.) so you decide to go in your default changeling form and give the potion to Nightshade instead which transforms her into her Earth Pony form (aka, her without the armor, horn, or wings). You both put on your outfits and you put on your hat and take out your staff (it completes the look and you never know when it may come in handy) before you head off. As you and Nightshade begin to get close to the castle, she comments,
"Wow! All these fancy ponies at this BIG castle! This is gonna be the BEST NIGHT EVER!"
You smile at her beneath your lower-half-of-face-covering neck gait and can't help but think,
Nothings gonna go wrong tonight. I'm just gonna get in, say hi and chat, then leave. What could happen in that timespan?
Of course as soon as you said that...
Everyling began to sing?
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 64: This Is Gonna Be The Best Night Ever...Right? (Season Finale Part 1)
You cock your head. Singing? Uh...what? They're singing. What. Nightshade bounces up and down. "Daddy! The singings so pretty!" Nightshade squealed. You chuckle, amused. Nightshade shouts again, louder. "HOLY S**T! YOU SOUND LIKE A MAGESTIC BUCKING EAGLE!" she screams. You face hoof. Oh...Luna tonight is not going to go smoothly, is it?
You can't help but cock your head in confusion and you can't help but wonder why they are singing.
I'm one to talk, I still remember my little "Be Prepared" song I sang for the Diamond dogs. But still, why are they singin- Oh no... are they going to war again?!
As you begin to freak out that the ponies are gonna go to war of course you stop freaking out when you see Nightshade start to hop up and down with stars in her eyes. No, literally, she has stars in her eyes. You notice that this happens whenever she gets really excited, like that one time when you bought her that tub of fudge.
"Daddy! The singing is so pretty!" Nightshade squealed.
You can't help but chuckle at her excited tone.
She's so adorable, I just can't understand why Luna wants her dead, I mean come on! She's a little angel, she doesn't even cur-
"HOLY S**T! YOU SOUND LIKE MAJESTIC MOTHERBUCKING EAGLES!"
You fall on your face in shock when you heard Nightshade scream that, and now there are only two things going though your mind. One is that,
If this is the universe's way of saying that this night will not go smoothly, then message received.
The second thing...
WHOEVER TAUGHT MY DAUGHTER THAT LANGUAGE IS GONNA BE TURNED INTO MINCE MEAT WHEN I GET MY HOOVES ON THEM!!!
You then remember that YOU'RE the one who taught her that language when you took her to the newest Stallion Tarantino film yesterday.
Yeah, Nightshade and I loved the movie, but in retrospect, any movie with ear-cutting, scalping, and a swearing rate of 3 bpm (Bucks per minute) probably isn't exactly foal-friendly...
As you get up, you notice that the singing has stopped, and when you grab your staff that fell you realize why... THEY'RE ALL STARING AT YOU! You begin to chuckle nervously as you realized that Nightshade just interrupted the song. Thinking quickly, you point at a snobby looking unicorn couple with your staff and say,
"They said it!"
Some of the guards come by and take them away as they complain,
"NO, IT WASN'T US! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M THE ONE WHO GIVES YOU YOUR PAYCHECKS!"
You sigh in relief that they bought that, and you're about to go inside, when...
Nightshade bounds for the ponies, but you grab hold of her. She looks up at you with stars in her eyes. "Daddy, don't you want all that you've been wishing for to happen at the Gala?" Before you can answer, she darts forward, dragging you into the crowd of singing ponies. You lose sight of her when she breaks out of your grip, and you drop to the ground, hoping to spot her under the mass of bodies. This is a mistake. Your head is kicked around like a soccer ball under the dancing ponies. You manage to crawl away with some semblance of dignity left, and spot Nightshade riding atop Pinkie Pie as she bounces higher and higher while singing about this awesome party.
You see Nightshade HOPPING (Like Pinkie... that can't be good) towards the singing and dancing ponies! Quickly, you rush over to her and you grab her before she gets any closer. She stops hopping and she gives you a adorable look before saying,
"Come on Daddy, don't you want all that you've been wishing for to happen at the Gala?"
Before you even get a chance to respond, She darts forward, and sadly she dragging you with her. You can't help but think as she drags you,
Should I be embarrassed that I can fight a whole town with only minor injuries, but a little filly less than half my size can drag me?
The next thing you know, is that you're in the middle of the crowd of dancing and singing ponies. From what you can hear, they are apparently singing about what they are gonna do at the Gala, but you're more concerned with finding your daughter as you say to yourself.
"Gah! I can't find her with all these singing ponies in my way! Wait a minute, if I get low to the ground, I can spot her tiny hooves among the bigger hooves."
BIGGEST.
MISTAKE.
EVER!
As soon as you got down, your head was turned into a soccer ball. You're literally being kicked around all over the place and you feel like your head was getting blasted by loud heavy metal music while having cue balls dropped on it. Strangely, only your head was hit as you weren't hit anywhere else. You finally managed to get out of that dance mob of death, but you had to crawl out. When you got up you held your head in pain (fortunately, your top hat is still on because you decided and managed to duct tape it onto your head from the inside) as you looked for Nightshade. You finally spot her riding on top of Pinkie like she was a... well... pony.
Ahh, there she is. She's just on the back of one of the ponies that's trying to kill us.
It takes you a couple of seconds to realize what you just thought.
...
*crack*
You begin to panic as you think,
OH SWEET LUNA NO!!! SHE'S ON THE BACK OF ONE OF THE PONIES THAT'S TRYING TO KILL US!
As you panic you don't notice that the song has ended. When you do realize it, you begin to walk towards Pinkie and Nightshade, they appear to be talking to each other. When you get over there you say in a fatherly tone,
"Nightshade, sweetie, there you are!"
Nightshade looks over to you and smiles as she hugs you. You thank Pinkie for finding her, and Pinkie just smiles as she hops away. As you are about to leave, you bump into someling. When you look down you see that it's...
The mane 6 split up to pursue their goals for the night, leaving a certain green and purple dragon standing alone in the courtyard. "...Or maybe they'll all just run off." Spike sighs in defeat before turning and walking right into you. "You okay?" Bugzy asks as he helps him up. "Yeah, just got ditched by my friends... again. Pff, girls." Spike scoffs "I guess i'll just head to Doughnut Joe's for the night while they do their things." You can't help but feel sorry for the poor guy, and furious at Twilight and her friends for abandoning him for their own selfish wants
The purple dragon from Appleloosa! He looks to be in a bad mood and he's mumbling angrily. Thinking that it's your fault, and not wanting to deal with a angry dragon again, you hold your hoof out towards him and say,
"Sorry bout that, you okay?"
The dragon takes your hoof and you help pull him up. He gives you a thankful nod before saying,
"Yeah, just got ditched by my friends... again, Pfft, mares."
He gives you an annoyed sigh when he says that. Considering that those mares have been hunting you down for awhile, you can't help but agree with him.
"I know what you mean bro. Past couple of days I've had nothing but mare trouble. So trust me when I say I know how ya feel."
Nightshade (who went to retrieve your staff and has been listing to your conversation) says
"Hey, whats that supposed to mean!?"
She then proceeds to pout adorably. You look at her and ruffle her mane while retrieving your staff and chuckling at her antics. You look back over to Spike to see him... staring at Nightshade with a heavy blush on his face. You back and forth between him and Nightshade before you realize what's happening.
Fatherly... instinct... taking.... over.
You think as you look over to Nightshade and say...
Have her sic em' food buffet tables. See how the Nobles like that!
"Nightshade, why don't you go in and start devo-I mean eating at one of the buffet tables, I'll catch up."
Nightshade gets this look in her eyes that screams "FOOD!" and darts into the Gala. You can't help but chuckle and think mischievously.
Ha, take that ponies! All your snobby food will be gone in a manner of minutes...
After that thought you look over to Spike to see he still in his trance. You try snapping him out of it, but nothing works.
Skim some phrases from the How to be a Gentle Colt 101 book to help you blend in better:
So, you decide to try out what you call your "fancy talk" that you learned from the How to be a Gentle Colt 101 book.
"Excuse me, dear sir. But The Equestrian language you fornicator of matriarchs. Are you fluent in its usage?"
You ask while sounding like one of these guys (Hive Mind, you decide what voice you want to her Bugze's "fancy talk" in). A bunch of interested glares from around you tell you that you said it right. The dragon finally snaps out of it and begins to look around wildly while saying,
"Who What Where Why?"
You chuckle a little bit before asking,
"May I inquire for your birth epithet?"
Spike at you for a moment before realizing that your talking to him, before he says,
"Huh?"
"Your name, greeny."
"Oh, my names Spike, what's yours?"
"My names Bug- I mean, uh... El... Hunko! Yeah, El Hunko."
...
El Hunko... really me, that's the best I can come up with?
As you are wondering how stupid you are for coming up with that name, Spike nods his head and then says,
"Well, El Hunko, it was nice meeting you. I hope to see you again. If you need me, I'll be at Doughnut Joe's. Stop by if you feel like having some good ol' doughnuts."
"Indeed Sir Spike. Remember, brethren before wenches."
As Spike is walking away, you can't help but smile and think
Good kid, I'll have to take him up on that offer after I speak with Cadance. But if he ever thinks on making a move on Nightshade...
*snap*
Your eyes glow orange for a second before you calm down and head into the Gala and think,
Well, I'm in the Grand Galloping Gala. From what I've heard from ponies around Canterlot, this is supposed to be the most prestigious party in all of Equestria. Hopefully this will be fun...
23 MINUTES LATER
You and Nightshade realize what many ponies did when they first attend the Grand Galloping Gala.
This Gala sucks!
You've looked all over for Cadance and you can't find her anywhere. You tried to mingle, but all the ponies here are just big snobs. There's no good music to dance too (Don't get it wrong. You love all kinds of music classical included. But you don't want to have to listen to it non stop). Nightshade thinks that the food is tiny, bad, and in small amounts (Of course this is Nightshade talking and she already devoured eight buffet tables. Luckily, the cake table is still full (for some reason, you have gained a love for cake that rivals Celestia)). Right now, you're making your way to the cake table where there's a supreme, ultra, quadruple chocolate, cookie-dough, mint, ice cream cake over there with your name on it. Hopefully this night won't get any worse.
Oh how wrong you were...
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 65: Encounter Here, Encounter There, Encounters Everywhere! (Season Finale Part 2)
If anypony asks why you have completely blue eyes and/or why half your face is covered, just cough and claim you have a "condition"
Remember your objective: Keep looking for Cadance
As you and Nightshade are walking towards the cake stand, you both don't notice a white unicorn with a blond mane standing in front of you, nor did either of you notice Rarity standing next to him giving him the googly eyes because you're too focused on thinking about your Cadance situation, and Nightshade doesn't notice because she's staring at the cake with table with a hungry look.
Gah! I checked all over the Gala for her, yet I can't find her anywhere! Maybe... maybe she's not at the Gala! Yeah that's it! She must be somewhere else in the castle! All I have to do is sneak in (again) while the guards, the mares,the princesses, and her husband aren't looking, and then I can start looking... Piece of cake! Speaking of which, there's a cake that needs devouring...
You start to drool at the thought of eating that whole cake, it's gonna be so delis-*crash* Your cake thoughts are interrupted when you accidentally crash into the blond maned stallion and you both fall down.
"Daddy!" "Prince Blueblood!"
You get back as fast as lighting as soon as your heard Rarity (who you now notice is there) say prince. Thinking that you probably just made another royal hate you (face it, you and royalty don't mix), you put your hoof out to him and say in your fancy voice,
"Oh, I am terribly sorry your highness, I wasn't looking where I was going."
Instead of garbing your hoof and getting up like a gentlecolt, he swats your hoof away and gets up before saying to you in a tone that screams 'I'm better then you',
"You better be sorry you simpleton, you just ruined my new suit!"
You look at his suit to see if you actually ruined it, only to see that its just a little wrinkled. You growl in anger before you say,
"Hey! Watch it hot shot, I was just trying to be nice!"
Blueblood looks shocked that you said that, before he says,
"How dare you address me like that you lousy peasant! If you bow to me and say your sorry, then I might consider forgetting that this ever happened."
He gives you a sly smile, but you just smirk and say,
"It would be most advisory to scrutinize thyself before thou devastates thyself as I'm not bowing down to you. I would only bow down to those who I respect, not some rich, entitled, and most likely small-horned snob!"
There are alot of gasp as you said that. And you realize that you have actually attracted a crowd.
Geez, start throwing insults at royalty and suddenly everyling gets interested. You think to yourself in a deadpanned tone.
Blueblood looks around nervously, trying to come up with a comeback and stops looking when he looks you right in the eyes. He gets a cruel smile before saying,
"Well... I'm a handsome, rich, incredibly well-endowed specimen of a prince who also happens to have pupils and a whole face bluey."
You look at him in shock as the crowd around the two of you start to mumble about what Blueblood said could possibly mean, while Rarity starts to look at you suspiciously. You begin to freak out that they might discover that you are a changeling (somehow... look you were freaking out and lady luck was out to get you. for all you knew this could mean your death). *ding* When you suddenly get an idea that will save your buggy flank. You look over and say to Blueblood,
"I'll have you know *cough* that it's a medical condition that causes my eyes to not have pupils and requires the bottom half of my face to be covered. Now if you'll excuse me, I require to resume my circumnavigation of the perimeters of this occasion for my acquaintance. That and there's a supreme, ultra, quadruple chocolate, cookie-dough, mint, ice cream cake over there that needs to be eaten before Celestia gets here, now ta-ta."
As you are walking away, you hear Blueblood mutter under his breath,
"Hmph, whatever, at least I don't have a ugly brat following me around."
*snap*
Your eyes begin to glow orange as you realize he's talking about Nightshade. So, when you walk past him, you 'accidentally' bump into him, sending him flying into a wall! You look over to were he is now embedded into the wall and say,
"I say, I am most apologetic for that incident, your highness."
With that you walk away, leaving a stunned crowd and Rarity behind as your eyes revert back to normal. Nightshade looks at you with stars in her eyes while whispering,
"Suzushī (cool)" (you took her to a anime marathon yesterday as well, and now she tends to speak in Neighponese whenever she gets really excited or worked up).
As you and Nightshade reach the cake and you are about to grab the delicious slice (or ten) when...
Your quest for cake is thwarted by three servers, two of whom grab the giant cake and sprint out of the hall with it, and the third holds a serving tray in front of him like a shield while never looking away from Nightshade. "Hey, what gives?" "Sir, I am going to have to insist that you leave ample food for our other guests to enjoy." Nightshade snorts. "'Enjoy' is a strong word." The server glares at her before sticking his nose in the air and walking away. "Then perhaps you should patronize that ruffian outside. The one with those cheap carnival-style excuses for food." You look at Nightshade while he leaves. "Did he say... cheap?" Her eyes twinkle. "And... and carnival?" "Cheap... carnival... food..." "BUCK YEAH!" Nightshade jumps on your back. 'Hi ho Daddy! AWAY!" You charge outside, throwing your head side to side until you spot a simple stand. It is covered in pies and cupcakes and turnovers and... and... it is glorious! You sprint forward, and a mare crosses in front of you. You shout, "Step aside wench! Vacate my path!" She quickly steps aside. You throw on the brakes, skidding to a halt in front of the stall. Nightshade jumps onto the counter and bounces up and down, pointing at all the treats. "Oh! Oh! That one! And that one! And that one! One of everything!" The pony behind the counter chuckles. "Easy there, missy." You recognize that voice... No. Not here. Not now. But it is... You just ran right to Applejack. "So what will it be, sir?" "NO! Please, just leave me alone! I... what?" "W-What will it be, sir?" Her eyes are wide, and she's looking at you like you lost your bucking mind. You wait a heartbeat to make sure you aren't dreaming. Then another to make sure this isn't a trick. Then three more deciding whether or not the other mares are waiting to jump out and grab you. "Um, what can I get for three bits?" Nightshade gasps. "Oh, that's right. I'm sorry, miss. We don't have enough for everything..." She jumps off the counter, and Applejack gives her a small smile. "Tell ya what I'll do, missy. Three whole apple pies for three bits. Sound like a deal?" "YES!" The two of you shout at the same time. They're your last bits, but you are starving. You and Applejack make the trade, and then you're off with Nightshade to enjoy your dinner.
Your hoof is slapped away from the delicious pastry. You look at the culprit in shock when you see that it's three of the servers of the Gala. Before you can say anything two of the servers grab the giant cake and sprint out of the hall with it as if they were being chased by the royal guard (and you would know), and the third server holds a serving tray in front of him like a shield while never looking away from Nightshade with fear. After a second or two of realizing what just happened, you give the server a glare and say,
"Hey, what gives!?"
The server looks at you nervously for a split second before looking back at Nightshade and saying,
"Sir, I am going to have to insist that you leave ample food for our other guests to enjoy."
Nightshade snorts in annoyance before saying.
"Enjoy' is a strong word bub."
The server glares at her before sticking his nose in the air like he owns the place, but before he walks away, you slap his back. He looks at you strangely but you just look away and whistle innocently. The server just sighs before he turns and walks away. You can't help but chuckle at the 'Kick me sign' that you put on his back (you and Nightshade went to a prank shop that went out of business yesterday, so you both bought as much as you could and brought all the pranks to the gala) As you and Nightshade giggle silently, you and Nightshade hear a someling mumble,
"I can't believe that peasant outside! How dare she try and sell those cheap carnival-style excuses for food to moi."
You look at Nightshade and say,
"Did he say... cheap?"
Her eyes twinkle and she says,
"And... and carnival?"
You and Nightshade then say at the same time,
"Cheap... carnival... food..."
Nightshade then jumps in the air while screaming in Neighponese,
"Bakku ē (BUCK YEAH)!"
Nightshade then falls onto your back and says, still in Neighponese, "Hihō papa! Au~ei! (Hi ho Daddy! AWAY!")
You nod your head and then proceed to charge outside not noticing the server from before get kicked in the flank by Pinkie (you also accidentally ram through "moi" causing him to land in the punch bowl). Once you and Nightshade are outside, you proceed to throw your head side to side until you spot a simple stand covered in pies and dumplings and turnovers.
It. Is. Glorious! Cheap tasty glory!
You think before you sprint forward, when a mare crosses in front of you. You rear up on your hind legs and shout,
"Step aside wench! Vacate my path!"
She quickly steps aside as you continue sprinting forward before throwing on the brakes, skidding to a halt in front of the stall. Nightshade (calm enough to speak Equestrian) uses your momentum to jump onto the counter and bounces up and down, pointing at all the treats.
"Oh! Oh! I want that one! And that one! And that one! One of everything!"
The pony behind the counter chuckles and says, "Easy there, little sugarcube."
You recognize that voice...
No... Not here... Not now...
But it is... You just ran right to Applejack!
"So what will it be, si-"
She's interrupted as your eyes widen in panic and you jump back while waving your staff at Applejack and scream,
"AHHHHH!!! Back you savage hick! You ain't lynching noling tod- wait what?"
You put down your staff as you see that ponies are all staring at you. You chuckle nervously, but stop when you hear Applejack say in a nervous tone while looking at you with wide eyes and an expression that says you lost your bucking mind,
"W-What will it be, sir?"
You wait a heartbeat to make sure you aren't dreaming. Then another to make sure this isn't a trick. Then three more deciding whether or not the other mares are waiting to jump out and grab you.
"Um... what can I get for three bits?"
Nightshade gasps,
"Oh, that's right. I'm sorry, miss. We don't have enough for everything..."
She sadly jumps off the counter, but Applejack gives her a small smile.
"Tell ya what I'll do, sugarcube. Three whole apple pies for three bits. Sound like a deal?"
"YES!" The two of you shout at the same time.
They're your last bits, but you are starving. You and Applejack make the trade, and then you're off with Nightshade to enjoy your dinner. As you and Nightshade are walking, you see Blueblood and Rarity heading towards Applejack's stand. Deciding to mess with the jerky prince some more you stick your staff out (unnoticed by anyling else) as you walk past them. This causes Blueblood to trip over your staff, and land face first into a pie Applejack had nearby. Everyling nearby starts to laugh at the princes misfortune, and you and Nightshade walk away chuckling...
SEVEN MINUTES LATER
After you and Nightshade ate two of the pies (it took alot of convincing, but you manged to get Nightshade to not eat the third one, instead you put it into the Inventory for later), you decided to try and sneak into the the other part of the castle where you think Cadance is. Nightshade decides to hang around some new buffet tables, so you're by yourself now.
you find yourself in another part of of the castle standing right in front of...THE WONDERBOLTS! You were like there number one fan while undercover. Bit before you can fanbug over them one of them points above your head were a glass cup is making its way straight towards your hat when suddenly someone catches it from behind you you turn around to thank whoever caught it when you are met with a pair of maroon eyes staring straight at you. "AHHHH, THE RAINBOW FILLYFOOLER!," you run straight past her at speeds that make the Wonderbolts whistle and you here the blue stallion wonderbolt whisper, "she's a fillyfooler, darn"
You start to walk around the gala one more time to find Cadance. Sadly you still can't find her so you decide to try and find the Wonderbolts. (You've been one of their biggest fans since you saw one of their shows with Flash's little brother, First Base while you were foalsitting him). After looking around for awhile, you finally found them. Just as you're about to go over and fanbug, you hear someling scream,
"Look out dude!"
You look to your the scream came from to see a glass of water heading right towards you! You're too shocked to move so you just close your eyes and wait for the glass to hit...
and wait...
and wait...
I'm not wet, soooo...
You open eyes to see a blue hoof holding the water glass just in front of your face. You sigh in relief, and are about to say thank you to the pony who caught it, when you realize who it is...
"You were lucking the great, fast, and totally cool Rainbow Dash was here to-"
"AHHHH!!! RAINBOW FILLYFOOLER!"
And with that show of stallionness, you run for your life. Rainbow Dash stands there in confused silence as Soarin mutters,
"Drat! She's a fillyfooler!"
ONE PANICKED RUN LATER
After you thought you lost Rainbow Dash (even though she wasn't chasing you in the first place)...
Somehow get yourself stuck in the line to greet Celestia and barely manage to bluff your way through it (perhaps you see Philomena again).
you get caught up in a extremely long line. Two hours later. You finally get to the front where you see the extremely powerful sun goddess that you recently insulted standing right next to the purple unicorn that specifically reserves two hours per day speculating on how to kill you.
"Excuse me good sir, but could you hold my spot. I really need to use the mares room."
Before you could respond she's already gone with a distant "Thank you" as you stand there with your hoof out and with a shocked expression on your face. You put your hoof down and sigh,
"I might as well hold her spot. She can't be gone forever..."
FOREVER (2 HOURS) LATER
Two hours later and you are still IN THIS BLASTED LINE! You sigh in annoyance and think,
How long does it take a mare to use the restroom? I've been waiting in this line for two hours, and I don't even know what this line is for!
You look up from your musings to see that their are only two ponies left before you reach the front of the line. When you look in front of them you see... CELESTIA AND TWILIGHT!!! You start to panic when you realize your about to come face to face (again) with the extremely powerful sun goddess that you recently insulted and standing right next to her is the purple unicorn that probably specifically reserves two hours per day speculating on how to kill you. You then get a idea that will probably kill you, but it's too funny to pass up. Seeing as how the ponies in front of you shake her hoof, you figured you would need to do that as well so you pull out a hoofshake buzzer while noling is looking and you place it on your hoof. The pony in front of you leaves, and you walk up to Celestia and bow. She smiles warmly at you (oh if only she knew who she was smiling at) and says "It is nice to meet you my little pony." You stop bowing and hold out your hoof and smile and say,
"Nice to meet you, solar-fla-I mean, your Highness."
Celestia and Twilight look at you strangely because of your mess up, but they just shrug. Celestia reaches out to shake your hoof...
*ZAP*
And now she has her mane frazzled with a shocked (no pun intended) expression on her face. You start to giggle at your prank and the look on Celestia's face, when you see Twilight glaring angrily at you. You give a small "eep" before you make a run for it while whooping like the Stooge Trio. Celestia comments,
"Well... that was something that doesn't happen every ga-"
"Ohmygosh! Don't worry Princess Celestia! I'll hunt down that miscreant and-"
Celestia chuckles at Twilight's rant, and Twilight looks at her confused and asks, "Princess?"
Celestia stops chuckling and says,
"Do not worry my faithful student, it was just a harmless prank, no harm done. In fact, I quite enjoyed that. You don't see classics like the hoofshake buzzer now a days."
Twilight looks like she's about to object, but just sighs and says, "Yes Princess."
However, inside Celestia's mind, more mischievous thoughts are going on,
A good prank indeed, but that little prankster better watch his back, for he just pranked the prank goddess...
You feel a shiver of dread and a feeling to watch yor back at all times. After running for awhile, you get into what looks like a dance hall, where some musicians are playing some classical music. Just as your about to relax and see if Twilights chasing you, you see...
Your instincts/gut tells you that Pinkie is about to start a musical number. The last time she did that she started a STINKING WAR so find some way to occupy the stage first (perhaps a impromptu rock concert with a certain orange pegasus on guitar
Pinkie sadly singing to herself at a table while occasionally looking at the stage. Your instincts/gut kicks in and tells you that Pinkie is about to launch into a musical number soon. Seeing as how the last time she sang she started A STINKING WAR, you know that would not be a good thing.
Buck! I need to keep her off the stage before she gets everyling killed, but how... *ding*I know! I'll stage a rock concert! It would certainly be cooler than this "classical on endless loop" soundtrack this place seems to be stuck on and I always wanted to be a rock star!
Your mental rambling is interrupted when you realize something,
Wait, it's very likely that none of these classically-trained musicians know how to play the guitar (and I can't play ANY instrument without accidentally injuring someling... usually me), and I can't have a rock concert without one.
As you begin to mope, you notice that the orange pegasus guard over there looks familar...
Flash?! YES! He's awesome on the guitar! He'll be perfect!
Smiling, you rush over to Flash...
A COUPLE MINUTES LATER
No dice. Thanks to the guard behavior program, he's as still as a statue (the guy always did take his Royal Guard training seriously) and completely ignores your attempts to get him to play on stage. You tried everything, from asking, to begging, to bribery of the pie kind, to reminding him that you're the one who watched his little brother (this one did get widened eyes followed by a brief slight smile before he went back to guard mode).
Stupid Royal Guard training! What will it take for these mindless drones to do anythin- *ding*
Remembering a certain Second Lieutenant, you run into a conveniently placed blue phone booth, take off your suit and hat, put it into the Inventory, and transform into Strong Head before running back out into the gala floor (You were so focused on your actions that you don't even notice a certain Time Lord giving a confused "What?", but you did give a reflexive offhand "Hi" to his grey pegasus companion saying "Hi again Bugze!")
You run over to Flash and command,
"Sergeant! Report to the stage with your guitar this instant you mindless maggot!"
Flash doesn't even turn, but says,
"Aren't you supposed to be on latrine duty in the Badlands Outpost Private Strong Head? And it's Lieutenant Sentry."
You would later find out that Strong Head was demoted and reassigned for his incompetence while Flash was promoted for his brave actions, but in the present you start to panic,
"Uh... Yes sir, Lieutenant. I mean- I was told, to tell you... that which I'm telling you... by... the Princess! Yeah, Princess Solar-fl, I mean, Celestia told me to tell you to get on stage with a guitar."
Flash finally turns and gives you a confused look, before shrugging and trotting off. You then went to the stage and ordered the pianist to play the keyboard, and one of the drummers to play the drums (they conveniently they had the instruments on hoof and Flash had his personal guitar in his locker). After that you ran into the restroom (you accidentally ran into the mare's room at first and "Strong Head" has the black eyes to prove it), un-transformed, took out your awesome coat, painted it it Tiger-patterned with some nearby orange paint (they were repainting the restrooms, but are now on break), put it on, and transformed into a unicorn stallion with a black coat and green mane before you run out of the restroom and back onto the stage as band was finishing setting up. As you start to whisper what tune you want, Pinkie jumps on stage in front of the microphone and says,
"Come on everypony! I know what'll make yo-*shove*Whoa!"
You shove Pinkie off the stage and grab the mike before saying,
If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it...
If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it!
Flash kicks in with the guitar as everling looks at the stage in surprise. A couple of monocles fall out and one noblemare even drops her wineglass.
When everything you do Don't seem to matter. You try but it's no use Your world is getting blacker.
Meanwhile, a small purple and green dragon in a nearby donut shop starts bobbing his head in empathy with the lyrics as he dunks his 41st jelly donut of the evening (and that's not counting the other non-jelly donuts).
When every time you fail Has no answer. Every empty promise made Is a reminder.
Some of the teenage ponies start bobbing their heads, but quickly stop when their noblepony parents give them a disapproving look.
No one can make this better Take control, it's now or never!
Are you sick of it? Raise your hooves, Get rid of it! While there's a fighting chance. Are you over it? Bored to death? Have you had enough regret? Take a stand, raise your hooves...
You see Nightshade rocking out with an ice cream cone in her raised little hooves (where did she get that?). You smile at her and continue.
If you're sick of it! If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it!
If you're sick of it! If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it!
To your surprise, you not only see Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie rocking out, but even the Wonderbolts are joining in! You would have squeed over how awesome it is that some of your idols actually like your song, but you got said song to sing...
Every single day I chase my own tail Like a bug inside a maze Gotta get, gotta get, get away!
*snap*
Your venting during the song causes your eyes to glow orange again, but you quickly throw your hood up just in time (your disguise fails a few seconds later).
I'm running out of time For me to break this. I'm tired of feeling like I'm never gonna make it.
Meanwhile, Twilight and Celestia subtly bob their heads to the song as they continue greeting ponies (Twilght accidentally over-shakes a stallion's hoof to the rhythm)
No one can make this better Take control, it's now or never!
"Get off the stage you anarchist hooliga-"
You interrupt the unicorn noblepony by jumping off the stage and onto his table, knocking the contents of his glass onto him and repeat this on other stuffy-looking nobles over the next verses,
Are you sick of it? Raise your hooves, Get rid of it! While there's a fighting chance. Are you over it? Bored to death? Have you had enough regret? Take a stand, raise your hooves...
You kick over a swan ice sculpture on rock star instinct as you sing the next line, but Rainbow Dash catches it on her back and bounces it back into place, continuing to rock out.
If you're sick of it! If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it!
If you're sick of it! If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it!
Flash distorts the guitar's rhythm as you jump back onto the stage and head-bang before you continue singing,
I'm tired of it I'm over it
I'm bored of it Gotta fix this I'm. Sick. Of. Iiiiiiiiiiit!
Your cathartic screaming of that line causes the Nightmare Cloak to reappear. You use your tail to gradually raise yourself as you whisper the next verses.
Raise your hooves If you're sick If you're sick of it.
Raise your hooves If you're sick If you're sick of it.
You drop and land onto the stage as you continue.
Sick of it! Raise your hooves, Get rid of it! While there's a fighting chance. Are you over it? Bored to death? Have you had enough regret? Take a stand, raise your hooves...
You see Rarity who's (surprisingly) gently headbanging to the song while Blueblood is (unsurprisingly) just staring agape.
Are you sick of it? If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it!
Get rid of it! If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it!
Are you over it? Bored to death? Have you had enough regret? Take a stand, raise your hooves...
Are you sick of it? If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it
Are you sick of it? If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it
Are you sick of it? If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it
If you're sick of it If you're sick If you're sick If you're sick of it!
When the song is finished, you get caught up in the rock star moment and grab Flash's guitar out of his hooves before smashing it onto the stage (the body breaks off, bounces, and nails Prince Blueblood in the head which knocks him into the ice swan sculpture from before, but this time Rainbow Dash isn't there to catch it and it lands on him). You breath heavily as you hear some applause and cheers and you feel as if you just released a lot of pent up anger without destroying anything (okay. maybe destroying a few things...) as the Nightmare cloak disappears and your eyes go back to normal when you hear,
"Young sir, this is not that kind of party!"
"Ugh, it's nothing but superficial anger wrapped in escapist effects that would only appeal to the most immature delinquents."
Your eye twitches before you yell back in anger,
"Why don't you come on stage and say that to my hooded face! I'll show you how 'superficial' this 'delinquent' is ya snobbish son of a-"
"You smashed my guitar..."
You turn and see Flash glaring at you with pure rage and fury as he continues,
"I JUST PAID IT OFF TODAY!!!"
You're about to apologize*Splash* when a blast of water send you flying out a window, raking off the paint on your suit. Pinkie then screams,
"While I'll admit that was an awesome song with great effects- THAT WAS FOR STEALING MY SINGING TIME WITHOUT ASKING!!!"
You can only look at the window you flew out of with a blank expression and thinking in a deadpanned tone,
That mare REALLY needs some hel-*thud*
You finally hit the ground before you get up and shake off all the water like a dog would (your awesome hooded coat is now its default black again). You appear to be in a nature habitat of some sort. As you take a step to where you need to go...
but you get caught in a net that hat a small tag that says 'acme inc.'
Wander into the garden and get caught in Fluttershy's net.
*snap*
The next thing you know, you're hanging upside down in a net with the words "Acme Inc." written on a piece of paper on the rope. You soon hear evil chuckling and turn to the left to see... something terrifying. You see Fluttershy with a sick and twisted grin and a look of insanity in her eyes. She's eyeing you like a predator would eye their next meal. You gulp in fear and say
"Uh... nice pony?"
...
You're dead.
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 66: You're... Going to LOVE THIS CHAPTER!!! (Season Finale Part 3)
Fluttershy's gone crazy! Quick, call for help! There has to be at least one on-duty gardener that will be willing to help. And by help, I mean he kinda just gives a look of "I'm not getting into this." and then walks away whistling a tune.
Sweet Luna she's gone crazy! Why cruel world must you corrupt the most innocent of the mares! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN RAINBOW DASH!
Okay, maybe you're overacting a little bit, but you still have a crazy mare to deal with. You try to get out of the net you're stuck in, but whoever this 'Acme Inc." is they did a good job on making this net as you can barely move a inch. You sigh in annoyance at your failed attempts of escaping, so you decide you should do what any other changeling (or any creature honestly) would do if they were in this situation...
You scream for your mommy.
"HELP, SOMEPONY HELP ME. THIS INSANE PONY THAT WAS ONCE REALLY NICE BUT HAS LOST HER MARBLES IS GOING TO GET ME. PLEASE, ANYPONY, HELP!"
You continue to scream for your life in the vain attempt to get help as Fluttershy gets closer and closer. As you're screaming, you can't help but think
You'd think there would be at least one gardener on duty tonight, but nooooooooo. The one night someling get caught in a net and is about to be done bodily harm too, none of the bucking gardeners are on duty!
Just as you are about to give up hope on ever being rescued, you see a miracle. The one gardener on duty tonight is looking over in your direction with a confused look on his face. Deciding to not take this saving grace for granted, you shout over to him...
"OI GARDENER, DON'T JUST STAND THERE. HELP! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M ABOUT TO DIE OR THE VERY LEAST GET HURT BADLY BY THIS INSANE MARE!"
Sadly, the gardener just looks at you for a few more seconds, before he gives you a look that says 'I'm not getting involved' and then he begins to walk off while whistling a tune. You just stare in shock at his retreating form. You then start to think in a angry tone
That jerk, doesn't he know to help a fellow citizen when they're in need!
Deciding to voice your anger, you shout at the gardener...
"HEY, GET BACK HERE YA JERK! DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S COMMON COURTESY TO SAVE PONIES WHO NEED YOUR BUCKING HELP?! IF YOU DON'T GET BACK HERE AND SAVE ME SO HELP ME I'LL..."
Your threatening falls on deaf ears as the gardener turns a corner and disappears. You sigh in anger and mumble to yourself,
"I don't know why, but something tells me that lady luck has something to do with this."
You stop your angry mummbling when you see Fluttershy getting closer. You start to panic and begin to think that your life as you know it is over, when...
You suddenly have the instinct to take on an Australian accent and say "here we see a wild Fluttershy, see the rabid look in her eyes? The foam around her mouth, these are both signs to...RUN!", you say, you jump up as if to dcamper away before you remember that you're still in a net." Riiiiiiiiight......so Flutters, how ya been. I like the dress?" You say nervously as she approaches slowly.
You suddenly have the urge to take on a Hoovestralian accent and to talk like one of those Ponies on 'Mare vs. Wild'. Seeing as how you're most likely gonna die soon by one of your few friend's hooves (ironic right?), you decide to go ahead and give in to the urge. So you clear your throat and say in an Hoovestralian accent,
"Here we see a wild Fluttershy. Normally timid, sweet and cute, but now in an entirely different state. See the rabid look in her eyes? The foam around her mouth? Normally, I'd go poke it wit a stick, but now those are cues to RUN!!!"
You then jump and try to run, when you remember that you're in a net, so you just sigh and look over to Fluttershy and say in a nervous tone,
"Riiiiiiiiight... so Flutters, how ya been. I like the dress?"
You say that last part in more of a question then a statement. As you reach your panic max level, you blurt out...
Your big mouth saves you for once by blurting out something which makes her blush.
Quote: "Err, nice dress! It fits your, um, nature perfectly; very pretty! Ehehehhe..." you nervously laughed. A once timid pony with the eyes of a predatory beast wearing a delicate green dress can put things to perspective though... This is yet another moment where you're glad that you're lucky enough to not have a negative relationship. Well, ironically, with your luck, it may have to change!
Fluttershy It's me, Bugzy! I'm sorry I chased your friends around while on fire! Please don't skin me and turn me into a stylish coat and matching hat!" To which she just looks at you, horrified. "Oh dear, I'm sorry Bugzy. I was just trying to trap some of these animals so that they couldn't get away while I smother them with love. I didn't even know you were at the gala, but since you are you can help me tie them up, and we can force them to love us together." And then it's Bugzy's turn to look horrified, and thinking something along the lines of "They taught us to do that in changeling school. It was bad and they should feel bad. Now Fluttershy's doing it to helpless animals! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HER?!
"WAIT! Fluttershy, it's me, Bugze! See the black hooded coat! I'm sorry I chased your friends around while on fire! Please don't skin me and turn me into a stylish coat and matching hat!"
Fluttershy ignores your pleas and continues to walk over towards you. You start to panic even more then before, so you decide to get desperate and use the last thing you think would work...
"Err, nice dress! It fits your figure- I mean nature! Yeah, nature perfectly, very pretty! Yeah, nice and green. Green really is your color you know, you should wear it more often. I bet all the stallions would want you if you did if they don't already, and what sane stallion wouldn't after your Vanner's Secret magazine- which I totally didn't seek out and gawk over while noling was looking, eheheheh... PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"
You can't help but think after you said that,
You know, seeing a once timid pony who now has the eyes of a predatory beast wearing a delicate green dress can sure put things in perspective.For some reason this reminds me of how I'm glad that I'm lucky enough to not have a negative relationship wit- Why do I get the feeling that I just jinxed myself?
You snap out of your musing when you see Fluttershy blush and the look of insanity slowly leaves her eyes as they slowly fill with horror. She then gasps and says.
"Oh dear, I'm sorry Hoody. I was just trying to trap some of these animals so that they couldn't get away while I smother them with love. I didn't even know you were at the gala, but since you are, you can help me tie them up, and we can force them to love us together."
The look of insanity returns to her eyes when she says that. You blink ounce at her statement, then twice, the a third time to make sure you're not in some sort of nightmare. Then, you suck in a lot of air and scream at the top of your lungs...
Fluttershy is rather... upset, but you suddenly remember something you overheard while waiting in that really long line about how the private garden acts as a sanctuary for animals that were victims of poachers, wildlife smugglers, and abuse (thus explaining why they're so shy around ponies). You tell Fluttershy this which calms her down and makes her feel guilty, but you cheer her up like the friend you are.
After you slowly process the fact that Fluttershy pretty much just asked you to do what most changelings are trained to do, you can't help but think that the way Fluttershy is acting makes Pinkie look sane. Suddenly, you randomly flash back to when you were stuck in that Luna forsaken long line. You overheard some ponies behind you discussing something that has alot of relevance to this situation. Deciding that it would be the animals (and your's) best interest, you tell Fluttershy,
"Uh, Fluttershy. This garden is a sanctuary."
The insanity disappears from her eyes as she replies, "What?"
"Yeah... The animals is this garden were rescued from poachers, animal smugglers, and abuse by the Royal Guard. That's why they're so nervous and timid around ponies..." For creatures who boast about there peaceful and kind nature, they sure do have alot of ponies and do alot of things that would prove that wrong. you think as Fluttershy looks horrified and says,
"The poor things... What was I doing..."
She then starts to break down crying. You, being the kind friend you are, try to cheer her up by saying,
"Hey, don't be so sad. At least you're not stuck in a net in the castle where you could be capture at any moment... oh wait."
You start to feel dread as you realize that your loud scream from before probably attracted some unwanted attention (for you at least). Fluttershy gasps in shock before saying,
"Oh you're right Hoody, if I don't get you down now, who knows what will happen. Don't worry, I'll get you down soon."
Just as she's about to cut the rope with a sharp rock nearby, the Worst. Possible! thing! Happens (meanwhile, Rarity sneezes, and she looks around and says "Somepony is stealing my catchphrase!"),
Before Fluttershy can let you out of her net, Flash Sentry jumps out of the broken window with Twilight Sparkle. "And then the pink one sent him flying out here with..." "YOU," they say in unison. You chuckle with gallows humor. "Has... uh, has anyone said you two make a cute couple? Seriously, you're already finishing each others' sentences." They take a step forward at the same time. "Hey! Hey! Right there! You're practically dancing! Why don't you take the lovely lady for a spin on the dance floor, hot shot?" They ignore you. "Um, didn't we have some fun, though?" Twilight's eye twitches. "If you make one... more... reference I will flay you alive. With my mind." Fluttershy gasps. "Y-You're threatening to flay ponies alive now?" "I must be a customer unhappy with the information I received." You shut your mouth a split second too late. Twilight's other eye twitches. "I warned you..." Fluttershy leaps into action, by which I mean she takes advantage of the standard safety feature on all Acme equipment. She pulls the net back and launches you into the air like a slingshot.
Flash Sentry jumps out of the broken window where you were shot out off by Pinkie, with...*sigh*...Twilight Sparkle. They appear to be talking about your concert and Flash is just finishing his tale
"And then Miss Pie sent him flying out here with..."
Flash stops speaking as he sees you and gets into a combat-ready stance as he glares at you and says,
"Look out Miss Sparkle!"
Twilight looks confused and startled by his actions, before she sees you too and copies Flash's actions. They then shout at the same time,
"YOU!" You wave awkwardly while chuckling with gallows humor before you nervously say,
"Has... uh, has anyone said you two make a cute couple? Seriously, you're already finishing each others... sandwiches!"
Kill the waifu-stealer...
You shake your head to get rid of what feels like angry fanboys whispering as Flash and Twilight take a step forward at the same time as Twilight says,
"Nice work Fluttershy. Now we can finally bring this fugitive to face the Princess's justice!"
You to smile cheekily and say,
"Hey! Hey! Right there! You're practically dancing! Your mental synchronization, Can have but one explanation..."
Kill it with fire! He sucks as bad as the Equestria Girls sequel which hasn't even come out yet but we still hate it...
"SHUT THE BUCK UP!!!" you scream causing shocked reactions from Fluttershy, Flash, and Twilight as Fluttershy says,
"Um... We didn't say anything."
You chuckle nervously and say,
"Oh, I wasn't talking to you guys, I was talking to the fanboy whispers in my head."
Twilight's eye twitches in annoyance and says,
"If you make one... more... reference I will flay you alive.
She charges up her horn as she continues,
With my mind."
Fluttershy gasps in horror and says,
"Y-You're threatening to flay ponies alive now?"
Twilight looks over to her in shock, almost as if she's surprised that she said that, but before she can respond, you say,
You clap you hooves over your mouth a split second too late and think in horror,
Curse my reference-spraying mouth! Why can't you keep shut for once?! Plus she's not even a princess! That reference makes no sense!
Flash chuckles at the reference, but shuts up as soon as Twilight glares at him. She then looks back at you and says in anger, horn glowing,
"I warned you..."
Before she can go though with her threat, Fluttershy leaps into action by taking advantage of the standard safety feature on all Acme equipment. And by that, you mean she pulls the net back and launches you into the air like a catapult as you scream,
As you finally slow down in midair, you get out of the net and sigh in relief... That is until you look down and see that it's a forty foot drop. You give a annoyed sigh while pulling out a sign out of nowhere that says in big bold letters...
'MY LIFE SUCKS SOMETIMES'
You then fall....
ONE 30 FOOT DROP LATER
You finally see the castle after falling for awhile and you see that you're heading straight towards a glass window that looks like this. You see the outline of a pony through the window and considering that you're heading right towards it and probably gonna end up hitting him, you scream...
"LOOK OUT BELOW!"
*CRASH THUD*
Sadly, the guard doesn't move in time, so you end up smashing right into him, knocking him out in the process, and leaving you with a huge bump on your head (the armor they wear is no joke). After shaking your head to dull the pain, you realize that you are on the other side of the castle. You also appear to be in a super long hallway that stretches for what seems like miles and you recognize that the guard you slammed into is the same Royal Guard Earth Pony you accidentally knocked out twice already (during the Canterlot Invasion and during your first visit to the castle).
Luna, this guy's luck is almost as bad as mine..., You can't help but think before you add,
Oh well, CASTLE STEALTH TIME!
HALF AN HOUR LATER
As you skulk through the upper floors, you come across a large room populated by precisely 137 Royal Guards. You have no idea how you know that, but you've heard that pure fear tends to trigger adrenaline, so your brain may have had more time to count. The only exit you see is on the other side of the room. The only sound you hear is drunken singing, which gives you an idea... You step back and hide in the hallway. After clearing your throat, you shout: "LONG LIVE THE SOLAR EMPIRE!" You hear half the crowd cheer, and half the crowd curse. You immediately throw your voice and shout again: "NEW LUNAR REPUBLIC FOREVER!" Again, you hear half cheers and half curses. Then you hear nothing but barroom brawling.
After sneaking around for a hour, you come across a large door. You press your ear against the door and hear what sounds like 137 drunk voices coming from the other side. You have no idea how you know that, but you've heard that pure fear tends to trigger adrenaline, so your brain may have had more time to count. You open the door a crack to see a hall where the only exit is on the other side of the room, which is filled with half day guards and half night guards. You also start to hear more clearly, and you can now hear some drunken singing. Suddenly, you get a great idea that will hopefully work. You quickly sneak into the room and hide in a dark corner. After clearing your throat, you shout...
"LONG LIVE THE SOLAR EMPIRE!"
You hear half the crowd cheer, and half the crowd mutter/curse. You immediately dart to the other side of the room while they're cheering/cursing and shout again...
"NEW LUNAR REPUBLIC FOREVER!"
Again, you hear half cheers and then,
"Bah, Celestia spanked the flank of your princess a millennium ago!"
"So? Luna's hotter with flanks that won't quit!"
"Blasphemy! Celestia's hotter because she controls the SUN!!!"
Chuckling at the fact that your plan worked, you begin your dodging of pastries, mugs, bodies, and chairs as you make your way to the other side of the hall. After having a little bit of fun by throwing a few pies into some of the guard's faces (while nyuking like a certain Stooge), you finally get into the other side of the room and you enter the door on that side...
After all that, you finally find Cadance (if you decided to forget to change out of your awesome hooded coat, the love goddess blasts you on sight)
"Halt, scoundrel!"
Heheheehe, good news and bad news...
Good news: You finally found Cadance.
Bad news: She's pointing her glowing horn at you with intent to kill (or at the very least hurt... ALOT) and you still have the black hooded coat on.
...
*gulp*
What do you do?
[Fixed] Episode 67: "Cadance...Your Jokes Are Not Funny." (Season Finale Part 4)
Scoundrel? Do we even still use those terms? Oh, right—angry alicorn about to blow your head off. Gotta think fast! You're still inside the room filled with an on-going brawl for best princess. Wait, speaking of guards, does Cadance even have her own branch of Royal guard? Not important at the moment, brain
Even though you're pretty sure your facing your death (again...), you can't help but think,
Scoundrel? Do ponies even still say that? I mean, sure, Luna has that whole 'Thou' and 'Thee' thing going on, but that's just her thing, and besides I'm pretty sure Cadance is younger then Luna. Wait... how do you tell the age of a immortal? I mean they don't age and all that, so how would you know what their age is, or how old or young they are without asking them directly?
You gulp in fear at just the thought of asking a mare her age. You're about to continue your mental rambling when you remember that you have an angry mare pointing a glowing, ready-to-blast-you, horn at you.
Oh, right... angry alicorn about to blast my head off. I gotta think of something quick, or I'll become a stain on the door. I can't go back though the door I came in, there's still that brawl I started in there and I don't want to get caught in the middle of that. Luckily none of Cadance's guards are here- wait a second... Does Cadance even have her own branch of the Royal guard? Wait stop, that's not important right now brain, right now we need a plan to survive and NOT get blasted! . As you are thinking up plans to escape your magical death, you can't help but think along side your escape plans...
After all of this, he really need to learn how to 'dodge & block' from 'Kungfu for dummies'.
This has got to be the fifth-hundredth time someling has managed to corner me. If I survive this, I am sooooo gonna learn how to dodge and block from the Kung-Fu for Dummies book. Cause I am seriously getting tired of being cornered by these ponies.
After putting that on your mental to-do list, you are about to continue to think up of ways to escape, when you see that Cadance is about to fire at you, so being the smart changeling you are, you decide to go with the last plan you thought up, so you put you plan into action...
You get only one syllable out (Something like "Um...", "Er...", or "Hi...") before Cadance blasts you into a shelf.
"Uh-"
*ZAP*
That is you were about to put your plan into action when Cadance blasts you. The blast sends you flying into the door, which then causes you to bounce off it like it was rubber (which also causes the door to open), sending you crashing into a nearby window (which doesn't shatter, surprisingly). You rub your head in pain, but you can't help but think,
How is it that compared to Twilight's blasts, this one didn't hurt as much? You would think an alicorn's blast would be more powerful than a unicorn's, unless-
Before you can finish that thought, you see Cadance coming at you. Thinking quickly (for once) you decide to do something you should have done in the first place...
Also the only way bugzes getting out of this one is to be the confident cocky ice cold pimp alfa male changeling over flowing with swag that he is . Candace hoverd ovey you menacingly her horn glowing. "OH SWEET LUNA DON'T KILL ME I DIDDINT MEAN TO MESS UP THE BUFFET TABLE OR PEEK AT LUNA TAKEING A SHOWER OR MESSING UP THAT STREET PERFORMERS ACT!!!! AND
You decide to act like the big, awesome, heroic, not-afraid-of-anything, changeling that you are-
"OH SWEET LUNA DON'T KILL ME I DIDDINT MEAN TO MESS UP THE BUFFET TABLE OR PEEK AT LUNA TAKING A SHOWER OR MESSING UP THAT STREET PERFORMERS ACT!!!! AND FOR ACTING LIKE A BAD GUY BACK IN PONYVILLE, AND APPLELOOSA. AND FOR PULLING ALL THOSE PRANKS ON THOSE RICH SNOBS BACK AT THE GALA BUT TO BE HONEST THE DESERVE IT!!"
...
Or begging. Begging works too.
Cadance just gives you a look that says "You're kidding, right?" before she charges up another spell. You begin to panic at the fact that you can't think of anyway to escape your demise.
If I only wasn't wearing my awesome cloak, then she would... *ding*
Take off the hood before she blast you into next week. And tell her it's you (hopefully, her opinion of you hasn't changed).
Throw off your hood and yell "Wait don't taze me bro! It's me Bugzy, see?" To which Cadence replies "I know, and my statement still stands. Now get on the ground." "What? Cadence why, I thought we were friends." She glares at you and says "We were friends. But no friend of mine would have tried to destroy Apploosa, kidnapped Celestia's guards, AND attacked Ponyville with a pack of Diamond Dogs! I don't know why I ever trusted you before, "Hooded Offender" but you're no friend of mine. Now surrender."
You slap yourself at how stupid you are and think IDIOT! This whole mess could have been solve if I just took off my stinking hood! After your done berating yourself, you look at the charging Cadance and scream....
You slap yourself at how stupid you are and think,
IDIOT! This whole mess could have been solved if I just took off my stinking hood!
After you're done berating yourself, you look at the glowing-horned Cadance and scream....
"WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!"
Cadence stops her glowing horn and looks at you in confusion. You quickly pull off your hood and say,
"Wait don't zap me bro- I mean sis! It's me Bugze, see?"
You point at your changeling head to prove your point. Cadance looks shocked for a second, before she gives you a cold hard glare and charges up her horn as she says in a dark tone.
"I know, and my statement still stands. Now stand still so I can zap ya."
You look at Cadance with shock, betrayal, and sadness as visions of Applebloom glaring at you during the Ursa attack come reeling back to you and you can't help but think,
No... No Luna NO! Not again!
You then ask her in a shaky voice,
"Wh...what Cadence why, I... I thought we were friends."
She just continues to glare at you and says,
"We were friends. But no friend of mine would have tried to destroy Appaloosa,"
"But!",
"Kidnapped Celestia's guards,"
"That was-",
"AND attacked Ponyville with a pack of Diamond Dogs!"
"I didn't-"
"I don't know why I ever trusted you before, 'Hooded Offender', but you're no friend of mine. Now surrender or die."
...
*crack*
Your orange mane covers your eyes as you look down at the ground and you just begin to chuckle and cry as Cadance looks at you disturbed and asks
"Wha.. what's so funny!?"
You stop chuckling and look at Cadance, which causes her to gasp. All she sees is cold, dead eyes. You then say in a sad tone,
"Heheh, why aren't I surprised. Why did I ever think that you would still be my friend after all the things I've done. So, you know what... I'm gonna give you the honor..."
Cadance looks at you confused and asks,
"Give me the honors of what?"
You chuckle a little bit before you say,
"The honor... of striking down the Hooded Offender. After all it makes sense that my first friend AND an alicorn princess is the one that finally brings me down."
With that said you close your eyes and you spread your front hooves out and say,
"Go ahead...finish me."
So you wait...
and wait...
and wait...
Deja vu much.
So with a heavy sigh, you open your eyes and see...
Not knowing what else to do you close your eyes and wait for your demise. You reopen them and look up to see that there is a blue oval above your head and Cadence's horn is now glowing orange. She points her horn to your feet and fires, then...you fall...and fall...and scream like a filly...and fall and all you hear is maniacal laughter. "Ah Bugze, I wish I could of seen your face, you thought I was gonna blast you", however all you heard was "face...blast you" which just caused you to screamed more as your brain blended into a smoothie-like paste.
A blue oval above your head. You look at it in confusion and you then look at Cadance and see that she's smiling a trollish smile and that her horn is now glowing orange. Your eye twitches in annoyance when Cadance says in a sing-song voice,
"Oooo Bugze~, I. Got. You."
And with that she fires the orange beam below you, and the next thing you know, you're falling. And you fall... and fall... Cue you screaming like a filly... and more falling... some more falling. And the whole time you hear Cadance laughing maniacally before she says between laughs,
"Oh Bugze, I wish you could've seen your face! You thought I was actually going to kill you? Priceless! Oh, I wish I had a camera!"
However, since you're falling endlessly at high speeds, all you hear is "Face" and "kill you." which causes you to scream even more like a filly as your brain became like a smoothie-like paste. Finally, after a few more minutes of falling, Cadance finally stops the spell. Sadly you were only halfway though the top portal so when it closes you're stuck halfway in the ceiling. Cadance burst out laughing at your situation, while all you do is mumble. After a few minutes of you grumbling and Cadance laughing, you finally have enough of it and you shout,
"HEY, MIND GETTING ME DOWN FROM HERE!"
Cadance stops chuckling and says,
"Sure."
She then teleports you out of the ceiling and next to her. After you shake your head to get the fuzzy feeling in your brain to stop and mumble a quick "Thank You", you yell at her in anger,
"WHAT THE BUCKING HELL CADANCE! THAT WASN'T FUNNY AT ALL! IT WAS CRUEL AND BUCKING SADISTIC! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS THINKING YOUR FEW FRIENDS HAVE TURNED AGAINST YOU?! I DO BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY WENT THROUGH THAT **** AND I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN YOU BUCKING PINK DUMBFLANK!!!"
Cadance recoils in shock and guilt from your outburst before saying,
"Oh, Bugze... I didn't know... I'm so so sorry. If I had known I would have never done it..."
She hugs you before saying, "Please forgive me!"
Calming down, you sigh and say "Okay... but just this once."
Cadance smile warmly and whispers "Besides, it's nice to meet the most clumsy and 'evil' changeling out there again."
You chuckle a bit at what she said as you hug her back while saying,
"Yeah... Nice to see you again as well."
-Ask her where's Princess Luna (she's the biggest danger to Nightshade.)
She asks how you got past her guards and you point to the hall full of unconscious guards
After you and Cadance are done hugging each other, you decide to ask her some questions that you've had on your mind for awhile now. Just as your about to ask her your first question, she asks you one!
"Hey, Bugze, out of curiosity, how did you get into this room? I mean there was a company of Royal Guards in the room before this one. So how did you get in?"
You give her a deadpanned look before pointing towards the opened door. Cadance gasps in shock, and you can't blame her as every single one of the guards that were in the room are knocked out (there was even a pegasus guard on top of the fan on the ceiling and a pony half-sticking out of a beer keg). Cadance looks at you in shock and asks,
"How... How did this happen?"
You simply shrug and say,
"What can I say, they all had different opinions."
Cadence just looks at you blankly and sighs while saying "Whatever" as she closes the door. You just chuckle before you put on your serious face and ask,
"Anyway, incompetent guards aside. Do you know where Princess Luna is?"
You ask this because Luna is the biggest threat to Nightshade. The way she acted towards her when she first saw her tells you that she will kill Nightshade if she got the chance, so your best bet is to avoid Luna like you avoided the Hive the time they tried a "Bean Burrito Night" (So much gas...*shiver*). Cadance says,
"Well, there was a diplomatic mission to Maretonia scheduled for the same night as the Gala, but Auntie Luna managed to get it first with her mastery of the art of 'dibs' so I'm stuck at this boring gala... Again..."
"You hate the Gala too?"
"Of course! Who in their right mind actually enjoys the Bland Boring Ball? Why do you ask?"
You sigh in relief at that, before quickly saying
"Oh, no reason. Just curious."
Cadance looks at you with a confused look, before saying "Whatever" again. You nod your head and ask your next question that has been on your mind ever since you heard about it...
-Ask her what is Nightmare Moon
"What or who is "Nightmare Moon"?"
Cadance looks at you strangely before shrugging. She then begins to tell you the tale of the dreaded "Nightmare Moon"
ONE EXPLANATION THAT YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW. IF YOU DON'T, THEN WATCH THE FIRST TWO EPISODES OF MLP!
As Cadance finishes the tale, you can't help but think,
That explains why Luna wants to hurt Nightshade; she thinks Nightshade's just a mini-version of her evil half. Huh, so all of this is a simple misunderstanding. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to prove that little Nightshade is not this 'Nightmare Moon'. Just like how I have to prove that I'm the good guy!
After you finish thinking, you remember something important...
-Give necklace to Cadance
You pull your gift out of the inventory, and hold it up for Cadance to see. She gasps, and her eyes open wide. Nailed it, you think. "You don't know what that is, do you?" Well, maybe not. "Uh, something pretty for a nice mare?" She laughs and shakes her head. "It's a Lover's Jewel. That heart shape is a natural formation, and they are the only known gems that do that. They were quite popular among the upper classes as a symbol of engagement." "Huh. That's interest-" Her last word sinks in. "OH LUNA NO!" You jump back, and the necklace falls to the ground. Cadance catches it in her magic before it hits. "I'm afraid I have to decline your generous proposal." The necklace floats back over to you. "Why don't you hold on to it? Give it to somepony special one day. They are incredibly rare. I've never even seen one out of a museum." "Really? The jeweler I took them to didn't say anything about this." "Like I said, most of them are in museums. A lot of ponies don't know about them, and, well, it's kind of my job as the Princess of Love to know about all of the... wait, did you say 'them?' As in, more than one?" "Yeah. I gave one to my daughter." "You found two?" Cadance sits down, dumbfounded. She shakes her head in disbelief. "Bugze, I think you just cashed in all your good luck for the next decade or so."
"Oh, that reminds me Cadance."
She looks at you confused as you pull your gift out of the inventory, and hold it up for Cadance to see. She gasps, and her eyes open wide.
Nailed it, you think smugly.
"You don't know what that is, do you?" She asks you in shock.
"Uh, something pretty for a nice mare who's pink, and my friend?"
She laughs and shakes her head.
"It's a Lover's Jewel. The heart shape is a natural formation, and they are the only known gems that form that way. They were quite popular among the upper classes as a symbol of engagement."
"Huh. That's interest-" Her last word sinks in causing you to shout, "OH LUNA NO! I'm too young to get married, I'm only #$ for Luna's sake!" (You thought I was gonna give you Bugze's age didn't you)
You jump back and drop the necklace in shock, but Cadance catches it in her magic before it hits the ground.
"I'm afraid I have to decline your generous proposal." She teases kindheartedly as she floats the necklace back over to you.
"Why don't you hold on to it? Give it to somepony special one day. They are incredibly rare as I've never even seen one out of a museum."
You chuckle at that and think while putting the necklace away in "The Inventory",
Yeah, like anypony would love a changeling.
Meanwhile across Equestria, multiple mares sneeze at the same time, all of them thinking, Someponys talking about me
You suddenly get a feeling of dread as if your life is gonna get even more complicated then it already is. Shaking off the feeling, you say
"Really? The jeweler I took them to didn't say anything about this."
Cadance shakes her head and says,
"Like I said, most of them are in museums. A lot of ponies don't know about them and, well, it's kind of my job as the Princess of Love to know about all of the- Wait, did you say 'them'? As in, more than one?"
"Yeah. I gave one to my daughter." You reply.
"You found two?" Cadance sits down, dumbfounded. She shakes her head in disbelief.
"Bugze, I think you just cashed in all your good luck for the next decade or so."
You chuckle at that and say,
"Trust me Cadance, I ran out of good luck a long time ago."
Cadance chuckles at what you said, before saying in confusion,
"Wait... daughter?"
You chuckle nervously as you rub a hoof behind the back of your head and say,
"Yeah..about that. You see-"
"Honey, are you ther-"
You're interrupted by the sound of someling talking. You both look over to the door to see Cadance's husband glaring at you hatefully. You chuckle nervously and scream in the RCV,
"LOOK, A DISTRACTION!!!"
Unfortunately, Shining just covered his ears with his hooves before you yelled that and as he's putting his hooves down and continuing to glare at you he says,
"Lousy try changeling, but my LSBFF already told me about that tactic of yours."
Luna, he knows I'm a changeling AND about one of my favorite tac- Wait, what's a LSBFF*- GAH! Not important brain! Need. Diversion. Fast!
You spot a mug on the ground from the corner of your eye (must have been thrown out of the hall during that brawl) so you grab it with your magic and yell,
"Have a drink on me!"
Shining quickly put up a forcefield spell as you hurl the mug at him... and the mug pathetically lands a few feet in front of you.
Cadance and Shining both blink and look blankly at the mug before Shining says,
"Seriously? That's the best you could-"
He stops abruptly as he looks back up and sees you're not there. He then turns and sees you running down the hall yelling,
"I meant to do thaaaaaaaaaa-"
He growls and yells,
"HEY! GET BACK HERE FUGITIVE!"
Before he begins to chase you and Cadance is not that far behind, screaming,
"SHINING WAIT! DON'T HURT HIM!"
After running though multiple hallways (with the husband firing magic blasts at you, which causes you to scream "HOT LAZER HOT LAZER, HOT LAZER!" the whole time.), you feel as if your about to escape him, but sadly, Shining finally manages to land a shot at you, which knocks you off an upper-floor balcony and fly straight into someling in the hall below. You hear a gasp and look to see you crashed into Blueblood and that Rarity is right next to him. Before you can do anything, Blueblood jumps up, his face literally red with anger, before he shouts,
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING YOU BUMBLING BABOON! I'VE HAD A ROUGH DAY AS IT IS, AND I DON'T NEED SOME HOODED CREEP (you pulled your hood up while you were running from the husband) MAKING IT WORSE! NOW YOU BETTER-"
Seeing Shining and Cadance coming out of the corner of your eye (and not having the time or interest to deal with Prince Blueblood) you run away from the Prince mid-rant as Rarity says,
"Wait... Was that the-"
"HEY!!! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF RANTING! GET BACK HERE YOU FACELESS PEASANT BEFORE I-"*splat*
Blueblood's rambling is cut short as a pie is thrown into his face. You start to chuckle at that as you hear Nightshade say in Neighponese,
"Sono baka o toru! (Take that idiot!)"
Blueblood gets even redder as the pie slid off his face. Soon, steam start to come out of his ears and nose and he looks at Nightshade and screams,
"WHY YOU INSOLENT LITTLE BRAT!!!"
"Watashi ni ikou! (Let go of me!)"
"Prince Blueblood! She's just a filly, you don't have to be so rough!"
Your blood runs cold and you stop dead in your tracks when you hear that exchange and you turn around to see Prince Blueblood grabbing Nightshade upside-down with his magic as Rarity, Cadance, and Shining look at them in shock.
"Oi you arrogant jerk, put the Filly dow-" *POOF*
Of course as soon as you say that, her transformation runs out. Rarity, Blueblood, Cadance and her husband gasp in shock, but, suddenly Blueblood begins to chuckle maliciously and says in a dark tone,
"Well well well, if it isn't the reincarnation of Nightmare Moon. Auntie Luna will feel so grateful to me if you were to just... disappear."
Cadance, Rarity, and even Cadance's husband gasp in horror while Nightshade starts to whimper in terror, but that doesn't matter. What does matter though...
*snap*
IS BEATING THE EVER LIVING STUFFING OUT OF THE SNOBBISH JERK WHO HAS HIS GRIMY HOOVES ON YOUR DAUGHTER!
Killer intent (KI) slowly fills the room, as you glare at Blueblood with your menacing orange glowing eyes as you say low menacing voice,
"If you don't put her down right now, I will flay the skin from your flesh and the flesh from your bones and scrape your bones dry. AND STILL YOU WILL NOT HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH!!!" You scream the last part in the RCV
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 68: Brawl At The Gala! Wrath Of The Hooded Offender! (Season Finale Part 5)
The world is full of darns. Life is essentially the darns taken. And the Mind is made of darns to give. Darrns are magic. Darns are emotion. Darns means life. That's the principle of the reality that you live in, Bugze. Changlings wouldn't exist without this condition, they wouldn't have any emotions to eat otherwise. How else would bad luck such as yours exist? How else would there be so many screw-ups in your life? By the relevance of this principle, you know that you have half a mind to mess up this Royal Pain-in-the-arse, Blueblood. And by Lords you plan on having a serious/careful talk with your daughter about this law of life now that she knows some curse words, well, accidently.
As you glare at Blueblood with your orange glowing eyes in pure anger, you can't help but think,
You know, I realized something today. The world is full of darns. Life is essentially the darns taken. And the Mind is made of darns to give. Darns are magic. Darns are emotion. Darns means life. That's the principle of the reality that I live in. Us changelings wouldn't even exist without this condition, we wouldn't have any emotions to eat otherwise. How else would bad luck such as mine exist? How else would there be so many screw-ups in my life? By the relevance of this principle, I know that I have half a mind to mess up this Royal Pain-in-the-flank, Blueblood. And by the Lords I plan on having a serious/careful talk with my daughter about this law of life now that she knows some curse words, well, accidentally...
As you're done thinking, you can't help but blink in confusion and think,
Where... Where did THAT come from? Nevermind, Blueblood. Flank. Kick.
You shake off the confusion and say in a threatening voice,
"I won't say it again Blueblood, drop the filly or I'll drop you... Straight to Tartarus!"
Blueblood looks scared for a second, before he starts to...
Blueblood laughs. "I am a prince of Equestria. And there are four of us to match the one of you. You can do nothing to me, mongrel." You laugh a laugh from the horrors of the abyss. "You must suck at math worse than me." Faster than he can blink, you dash forward and punch Blueblood in the face, launching him backwards. Nightshade falls, and you catch her with a tendril from your tail. "There's only three of you." Rarity cowers away from your evil form. She remembers the forest. Shining Armor steps in front of Cadance, and they both back away. "I must be having an off day. Seems there's only one." You stalk forward, and Blueblood tries to scramble away, but you catch him with your tail and hold him upside down in front of your face. "Why don't we make it zero?" Pain. Blood. Death. Destuction. Kill. KILL. KILL! "Daddy," Nightshade whispers in you ear. "You're being scary again. Don't kill him." "What if I just banish him to the gap between dimensions? Can I do that?" Nightshade blinks. "Can you do that?" "Maybe? I guess I could just punch him really hard again." You turn to look over your shoulder. "Can I punch him really hard again?" Shining Armor is looking at Nightshade oddly. "Did she just tell you not to...? Huh? Oh, yeah. Go for it. The guy's a dick." Blueblood gasps. "I beg your-" the rest of his sentence is cut off by your punch. His body flies back and smashes down a set of doors at the end of the hall. You follow him into the main hall, where everypony is enjoying the rest of the Gala. A pony rushed to Blueblood's side to help him up. You can't believe your eyes when the pony looks at you. Likewise, Braeburn's jaw hits the floor. "YOU! Chief, it's him!" "It's who?" The buffalo chief looks over, and his eyes narrow when he spots you. "YOU!" He throws his glass to the floor, shattering it and taking a charging stance. "Let's do this!" "Get in line, rockhead!" You know that voice... You turn around and see the last mare you expected to see transform her gown into a pointed hat and wizard cape. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has been waiting for this!" Barking laughter fills the room as the doors across the room open to let the Diamond Dogs in. "If old master is going to get tail kicked, Diamond Dogs be here to see it done!" Shining Armor enters behind you. "You're all wrong! He belongs to the Royal Guard!" "Shove it, soldier boy!" The insane mare from the train steps out from the crowd. "He's MINE!" "Ah've been chasing the varmint since the set-up chapter! If anyone's taking him down, it's me!" Applejack pushes her way through the crowd followed by Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Flash Sentry. Suddenly, you hear the magical sound. You sigh in relief as the Doctor exits the TARDIS. "Oh, I'm so glad you're here! Remember me? Think you can give me a lift?" He shakes his head. "Sorry, my boy, but everything you've done has led to this. Fixed point in time and such. I'm just here for the hors d'oeuvres." He grabs a tray of food and leaves. A voice clears it's throat in a maniacal way in your head. So. Want my help yet?
Laugh? He continues to laugh for awhile, causing your rage to build even more as Rarity, Cadance, and Shining look at him in confusion. When he's done laughing he looks at with a look that says 'your kidding right' and says in his snobbish voice
"I am prince Blueblood of Equestria. There are four of us and only one of you. You have no chance of beating me!"
You chuckle and say,
"You must suck worse at math than I do..."
Faster then anyling in the room could blink, you teleport in front of Blueblood and yell,
"SHORYUKEN!"
As you punch him in the jaw with a rising uppercut that launches him into the air. Nightshade falls out of his magical grasp, and you catch her and put her down before you say,
"Because I only see three of you."
You turn your glowing orange eyes on Rarity who starts to back away in fear (while she was willing to fight you back in Appleloosa, that time she had her friends, the Appleloosans and the Buffalo with her. This time you're in your "glowing eyes" mode and she remembers what happened last time in the forest when you were like this). You then turn your glowing eyes on the royal couple which causes Cadance's husband to protectively stand in front of Cadance as they both start to back away. Blueblood then lands on his face in front of you and you begin to chuckle at this and say,
"And then there was one."
You begin to stalk forward, and as you do Blueblood tries to scramble away, but you catch him with your magic and hold him upside down in front of your face. You look at him with pure rage and ask,
"Why don't we make it zero?" And while we're at it, let's see if your blood really is blue."
As Blueblood whimpers, you hear thousands of voices in your mind, all shouting out for Blueblood's painful death...
Pain. Blood. Death. Destuction. End. He was a jerk to Rarity so he sucks. Kill. Kill. KILL. KILL! KILL!
You are about to start laughing insanely, when you feel a tug on your cloak. You look down to see Nightshade giving you a sad look and she says,
"Daddy, you're being scary again. Please don't kill him."
You calm down a little bit at Nightshade's voice, but you still want to hurt Blueblood. You then ask Nightshade,
"What if I just banish him to the gap between dimensions?"
Nightshade blinks and she asks you in confusion,
"Can you even do that?"
You shrug your shoulders and say,
"I don't know. Maybe if I hit him really hard something is bound to happen."
You turn to look over your shoulder at Cadance's husband and nonchalantly ask,
"Anyling mind if I hit him really hard?"
Shining Armor is just looking at Nightshade oddly before he says,
"Did she just tell you not to...? Huh? Oh, yeah. Go for it. The guy's a jerk."
"That's an understatement." Rarity and Cadance say at the same time.
Blueblood gasps in shock before saying,
"I beg your-*whack*"
The rest of his sentence is cut off when you turn around and send him flying with a buck to the chest. His body flies back and smashes down a set of doors at the end of the hall. You follow him into the main hall (with Nightshade right behind you), where everypony is "enjoying" the rest of the Gala. All the Gala goers gasp in shock as Blueblood smashes though the door. The music in the gala stops and everything is quiet. As you walk though the smashed doors and ponies start to gasp in fear when they see you (along with the inevitable whispering arguments over your official name), a pony suddenly rushed to Blueblood's side to help him up. You can't believe your eyes when the pony looks at you. Likewise, Braeburn's jaw hits the floor.
"YOU! Chief! It's him again!"
"It's who?"
The buffalo chief looks over from his conversation with a Griffin cook, and his eyes narrow when he spots you.
"YOU!"
He throws his glass to the floor, shattering it as takes a charging stance.
"Let's do this!"
You chuckle slightly at their display and say,
"HA! I beat you fools once before when you had your armies. I can certainly do it again when you're by yourselves!"
Before the buffalo chief and Braeburn get a chance to respond, another voice shouts out,
"Get in line you western colts!"
I know that voice... You think angrily. You turn around and see the last mare you ever wanted to see again transform her gown into a pointed hat and wizard cape. She smirks smugly and says,
"The Great and Powerful Trixie has been waiting for this!"
You growl angrily and loud enough to make her lose her confident stance slightly and you say in a low threatening tone,
"If I were you, Trixie, I... Would... Run."
Before she gets a chance to respond, part of the floor gives way and the Diamond Dogs pop out of it and Spot says,
"Yes! We finally escaped from pony dungeon. Now we... free?"
They look around to see everyling looking at them in confusion and shock before Spot notices you and says,
"Look like ex-master going to get tail kicked. And we got front seats! Dig Dogs! Get popcorn!"
Your rage fills even more at the sight of them and you say,
"Well, if it isn't my 'loyal' minions-"
Before they can do anything, you hear Spitfire say,
"If you want a show, then you're in luck as the Wonderbolts will capture this fiend!"
You look to see the Wonderbolts hovering in battle formation and you swear you heard Rainbow Dash squeal like a fanfilly at this as you follow suit,
Oh Luna, it's the bucking Wonderbolts! And they acknowledge my existence!!!
But you all get interrupted as Cadance's husband shouts from behind you,
"You're all wrong! He belongs to the Royal Guard!"
You look behind you and shout,
"Disregard the constabulary!"
Before he can respond, another interruption happens. This time it's Lightning Chaser! You look at her in shock as she says
"Shove it, soldier boy!"
The TARDIS-colored pegasus mare walks out of the crowd while eyeing you with the stink eye before shouting,
"He's MINE!"
You gulp a little in fear as almost everyling that you've made mad are here to kick your butt. You can't help but think,
How can Lady Luck possibly make this any wor-
"We've been chasing that varmint since the invasion! If anyone's taking him down, it's us!"
Applejack pushes her way through the crowd followed by Twilight, Pinkie, and Flash Sentry as Rainbow Dash flies over to join them. You stare blankly at them, before thinking
IDIOT! You just had to think that didn't you!
Before you can continue your mental rambling, you hear that magical sound. You sigh in relief as the Doctor exits the TARDIS.
"Oh, I'm so glad you're here! Remember me? Think you can give me a lift? I've kinda have all my enemies surrounding me."
Everyling continues to look at the Doctor as he shakes his head and looks at you sadly before saying,
"Sorry, fixed point in time and such. I'm just here to get some hors d'oeuvres for my companions."
As he grabs a tray of food and gets back in the TARDIS, Derpy sticks her head out and waves,
"Hello again Bugze! Good luck!"
"Hi Derpy." you wave back before she gets back in the TARDIS and it fades away.
As everyling blinks in confusion, a dark whisper in your head voice clears it's throat (how does a whisper have a throat?) before saying.
So... Want my help eviscerating these foals yet?
You shake your head and whisper,
"No! I don't need you! Go away!"
Nightshade looks at you worried and whispers,
"Daddy..."
Suddenly, the room explodes in arguing, everyling shouting that'll they will stop you, or that you're there's (you can barely hear Cadance trying to calm everyling down). Your annoyance reaches it's highest point and you scream in the RCV,
"SILENCE!"
Everyling stops arguing as soon as you shout, and they all begin to glare at you. Some of the gala goers back away from your glowing orange eyes. You then clear your throat and say,
"Well, here we all are. Every single one of you, all at the gala, and all ready to attack. Now before you do, let me remind you. Who has beaten you all at one point or another? Who has survived your best attacks and attempts to end me? Oh, that's right... ME! Now I want you to all remember how you felt after I left or defeated you. Sad, angry, disappointed, ashamed. Now imagine that feeling, and times it by ten. That is what's gonna happen to you lot if you don't let me have what I want. Because, if you have forgotten... I! AM! THE HOODED OFFENDER! AND I WILL GET WHAT I WANT! And what I want..."
"Outta the way, everyling, not unless you want to get hurt along with this SNOB!" you yelled pointing at Blueblood. You would add curse words along with his name, but you only save those curses to Lady Luck herself. This stuck-up waste of space isn't worth the verbal energy, yet. Everypony backed away as you stomped towards the pony who's holding your daughter captive, the silhouette of your emotions giving physical form on your back. "It's everyPONY!" You recognized the voice of the offending grammar nazi: Purple Sparklebutt... You'd feel fucked upon realizing that, but you don't care though. What matters is your daughter. "I don't car— You know what? EveryONE! I'm not stooping down your level you angel-pretending bigots!" You swore, somewhere, in the far background, a fellow griffon cook uttered a low "thank you!" upon hearing that.
You point at Prince Blueblood as you continue,
"Is to kick that 'prince's' flank, so unless everyling feels like tasting pain today, I'd move away from that SNOB!"
You would have added curse words along with his name, but you only save those curses to Lady Luck herself. This stuck-up waste of space isn't worth the verbal energy... yet. Everyling backed away as you stomped towards the pony who's now starting to see why you don't make a changeling mad as you say,
"I have half a mind to beat you senseless... and the other half agrees!"
Suddenly you hear someling scream,
"It's everyPONY!"
You recognized the voice of the offending grammar fascist: Purple Sparklebutt.. . Of course, she has to correct me. You think in a deadpanned tone. You'd feel bucked upon realizing that she's probably gonna try to stop you, but you don't care though. What matters is your daughter and painfully neutralizing any threats to her, so you yell at her in anger and annoyance,
"I don't car— You know what? EveryONE! I'm not stooping down your level you self-righteous bigots!"
You swore, somewhere, in the far background, a griffon cook uttered a low "Thank you!" upon hearing that.
However, a certain nightly Princess landed in front of you and shouted, "Halt, hooded scum! Thou shall not pas—" There's not enough fear in you to hesitate rearing back your hoof when you saw who it was. You didn't see her as Princess Luna, mistress of the Night. You saw her as an obstacle. Energy built up in your hoof, and you yelled, "FALCON PUNCH!" and as your hoof and her face made contact. You didn't retract you hoof, but pushed THROUGH which in turn flung her away. The Princess Luna skid across the floor and crashed through the doorway that led to the Animal Sanctuary.
Right, then I shall replace her with either Celestia or Sparkles.
However before you can get to Blueblood, a certain sun Princess lands in front of Prince Blueblood and declares,
"Halt, hooded scum! You shall not-"
There's not enough fear in you to hesitate when you saw who it was. You didn't see her as Princess Celestia: killer of cakes. You saw her as an obstacle and a threat to your daughter. Before she could finish, you teleport right in front of her point-blank and yelled,
"FALCON PUNCH!"
Your hoof slams into Celestia's face with so much force that solar-flank is sent skidding across the floor and crashed through the doorway that led to the Animal Sanctuary as you hear everyling gasp in horror and shock (you could have swore you heard someling yell "Ma ma mia!"). You continue your way towards Blueblood. As you're about to reach him, you get...
Shining Armor conjured a shield around you, trapping you inside. "That's as far as you'll—" A super powered punch later, you broke— no, shatterred the barrier around you. "...go?" "You think that'll stop me?! Us changlings popped your biggest bubble back in your wedding!"
Trapped in a shield-like bubble. As Blueblood smirks in relief, Cadance's husband says,
"That's as far as you'll-*shatter* go?..."
All the smiles of victory go away as you Falcon Punch right though the shield, breaking- no- shattering the barrier. Cadance's husband (and everyling else) looks at you in shock. You smile smugly and say mockingly,
"You think that will stop me?! Even the changelings popped your biggest bubble back at your wedding!"
Cadance's husband looks like hes about to say something, when suddenly...
A ring of fire formed right when you said that. You quickly grabbed Nightshade and jumped out before the space you were in exploded in flames! In mid air, you saw Celestia's horn glow from up above fired a Devastation Beam right at you! You pulled up a shield but blew up on impact. Luckily, the resulting recoil blew the both of you out of the way, and the floor the beam hit melted, which you're pretty sure shouldn't be easy. After making sure your filly was okay, you looked up and saw the furious look in Celestia's eyes. Right, punched her sister. Things are about to get serious. "Nightshade, sweetheart, go into your room," you said assuringly. "O-okay, daddy."
A ring of fire forms around you. You quickly grabbed Nightshade (who ran towards you when you got caught in the shield) and jumped out before the space you were in exploded in flames! You look over in shock to see Celestia back in the gala and ready for action with only a tiny bruise on her face where you punched her. Celestia's horn starts to glow from she fires up a Devastation Beam right at you! You throw up a forcefield around yourself and Nightshade, but it blew upon contact with Celesta's attack. Luckily, the resulting recoil blew the both of you out of the way and the floor the beam hit melted, which you're pretty sure shouldn't be easy. After making sure your daughter was okay, you looked up and saw the furious look in Celestia's eyes.
Right... punched her in the face and I am trying to maim her nephew...
Things are about to get serious.
You look at Nightshade worried and say in your best calm voice,
"Nightshade, sweetheart, go into your room,"
Nightshade nods her head as she gets into The Inventory as she says,
"O-okay, daddy."
As you make sure that she is safely inside The Inventory, you suddenly...
Suddenly you felt compelled to duck— Woah! And a sharp point pierced the air where your head was! Your eyes followed the trajectory and saw whose holding it. Oh, what a surprise: you see Blueblood is back with, in telekinetic grasp, a fencing sword with malicious intent and blind rage in his eyes. His offensive stance seemingly in a practiced manner. Guess he's not all that of a pansy. But that doesn't mean he knew pain, at least, not yet. "You're mine!" He chanced a few hits, but you easily dodged them. "You scandelas brute! Look what you did to my beautiful face!" You did, you saw how you didn't hit his bruised face hard enough. Another few failed swings, and you began to taunt him. "You call that fighting? Hah! My grandpuggy is faster than you!" "Hmmph! Unlike you barbarians, I learned how to fight better than your barbaric ways!" In an instant, he's right in front of you. Caught by surprised, you barely evaded a few surprising fast lunges, and you found yourself backing up. Manning up, you ducked forward in mid-lunge and batted the fence with a hoof, and knocked him on his back. You were about to come in with a curbstomp, but a sudden weight pushed you to your sides, caused a few rolls, and into your backside. Skittles had joined the fight.
Felt compelled to duck- "Woah!" And a sharp point pierced the air where your head was! Your eyes followed the trajectory and saw whose holding it. Oh, what a surprise: you see Blueblood is back with a sword in his telekinetic grasp with malicious intent and blind rage in his eyes. His offensive stance seemingly in a practiced manner.
Guess he's not all that of a pansy. But that doesn't mean he knew pain. At least... not yet. You think angrily.
"You're mine!"
He chanced a few hits, but you easily dodged them.
"You ruffian brute! Look what you did to my beautiful face!"
You chance a quick look and you saw how you didn't hit his bruised face hard enough. Another few failed swings, and you began to taunt him.
"You call that fighting? Hah! My grandbuggy is faster than you!"
"Hmmph! Unlike you barbarians, I learned how to fight better than your barbaric ways!"
He quickly backs up that boast as in an instant, he's right in front of you! Caught by surprised, you barely evaded a few surprising fast lunges, and you found yourself backing up. Stallioning up, you ducked forward in mid-lunge and caught the sword between your hooves before lifting yourself off the ground with your grip on the sword and delivering a dropkick to his face, knocking him on his back. You toss the sword away and are about to come in with a curbstomp, but a sudden weight knocks you to your side with enough force to cause a few rolls and you stop on your back as you feel your front hooves pinned to the ground by another pair of hooves. Skittles had joined the fight. She looks at you smugly from on top of you and asks,
"Did you forget about me?"
You shake your head and taunt,
"Nah, I thought you were looking for a mare to cheat on your hick of a marefriend with."
She's about to give your face a new one, but since you had advantage of weight, you pulled and ended with you being on top of her. But before you could pry her off of you, Applejack held you in a choke hold, then several royal guards came in and dog piled into you. "Yer a lot stronger than ya look, fer a varmint!" "Bring me his head!" bellowed Blueblood. You felt your body being shuffled around until everything but your head was held by the many hooves of strong ponies, and Blueblood reared his fence for the decisive strike. You heard some ponies shout "Wait!", but it was too late, the blade came down anyways. Your tentacle appendages lashed out in an explosive manner to let loose the dog-piling ponies' grip just before jerking your head away from nearly being stabbed by Blueblood, and again with more force to shake all the ponies and into the air. Finally, you "Fos Ro Dah!"ed, and everyone was blown back even further!
Rainbow gives a rage filled scream as she's about to give your face a new one, but you kick your rear legs into her stomach which makes her flip forward onto her back as you rush on top of her. But before you could knock her out, Applejack grabs you in a chokehold, followed by several royal guards (along with Braeburn, the buffalo chief, and Rainbow Dash when she got back up) coming in and dogpiling onto you. Applejack gives you a smug smile and says
"Yer a lot stronger than ya look, fer a varmint!"
"Bring me his head!" bellowed Blueblood.
You felt your body being shuffled around until everything but your head was held by the many hooves of strong ponies (and buffalo), and Blueblood reared his sword for the decisive strike.
You heard some ponies shout "Wait!", but it was too late as the blade came down anyways. But before it could even come close to your head,
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Everyling is violently blown away from you in a burst of energy. What was once the Hooded Offender under the pony pile, now stands a creature covered in a midnight-colored smoky cloak with menacing glowing orange eyes and a smoky fox tail. Ponies and creatures who haven't seen this already reel back in fear, while the Diamond dogs (after throwing away their popcorn in shock), Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow, Trixie, and Applejack get prepared to fight, Blueblood grabs Rarity and holds her in front like a shield while shouting.
"TAKE HER INSTEAD!!"
And Celestia herself is looking at you in worry. Laughing insanely, you yell out in the RCV...
"I CAME HERE TO CHEW BUBBLEGUM AND KICK FLANK AND I DON'T SEE ANY GUM AT THIS GALA!"
And with that, you and your enemies charge at each other, with this song playing in the background,
- The buffalo chief stampedes through the diamond dogs like a bowling ball.
You teleport behind the buffalo chief and buck him with enough force to send him slamming into the Diamond Dogs like a bowling ball (which causes the Diamond Dogs to react like pins).
*zap!*
You get blasted from behind by a magical blast from Twilight that sends you flying into Braeburn, who then kicks you into the air. Trixie fires a magical blast at you, but you regain your senses and throw up a forcefield in midair just in time which deflects the blast into Rainbow Dash, causing her to fall and crash into Pinkie. You catch yourself on your tail and use it to start spinning while wildly rapid-firing stun-spells in every direction, forcing most ponies to back off and run for cover as Cadance and Celestia try to evacuate the noncombatant guests.
Fanbug over the Wonderbolts while getting beaten up by them.
Suddenly you feel a trio of blue blurs slam into you and knock you into the ground. As you get back up, you see the Wonderbolts coming at you. Even though you're in the middle of a massive fight, you can't help but fanbug like a fanfilly even while they repeatedly knock you around with hit-and-run tactics,
"Oh Luna you're the Wonderbolts! (*whack*) I'm a big fan of your shows! (*wham*)Can I get (*crack*) your autographs later? (*wham wham*)Especially yours Spitfire! (*PUNCH*) I have a mini-shrine of you (*whack*) right next to my Sapphire Shores closet shrine!!! (*wham wham wham*)"
"Oh great, the most wanted fugitive in Equestria is a crazy stalker fan..." Soarin comments.
"Wait... Is that a good or bad thing?" Fleetfoot asks.
After another triple-hit from Spitfire, Soarin, and Fleetfoot (you swear you can hear Rainbow Dash cheering) you think,
Priorities bug! Beatdown now, fanbug later. Once everyling is unconscious, I can cut off snippets of their uniforms to add to my shrine... Squee!
With that thought in mind, you teleport to dodge another attack and say,
"Sorry Wonderbolts, but your flight's been canceled!"
With that you use your tail to launch yourself into the air opposite the Wonderbolts as you charge up your voice and roar,
"FUS RO DAH!"
The roar of power scatters the Wonderbolts and send them tumbling and slamming into the walls behind them.
- Braeburn and Applejack try to buck each other, but their hooves hit and send a shockwave through the hall.
"*gasp* I'll avenge you Wonderbolts!" Rainbow Dash yells as she flies at and headbutts you in midair causing you to land head-first onto the ground between Braeburn and Applejack. The two try to buck you as you get back up, but you managed to duck in time and they end up hitting each other, causing a shockwave that knocks them both on their faces and sends you flying and you land between Fido, Spot, and Rover. As you get back up, you get an idea to divide and conquer and say to them,
"You are aware that if everyling is focused on me, they're not paying any attention to the gems they're carrying for this fancy gala, rig-*wham*?"
Lightning Chaser suddenly tackles you as the Diamond Dogs process what you just say. *ding* When they finally get it they say,
"Dig Dogs! Steal gems from ponies!"
The Diamond Dogs then scatter and start grabbing/mugging jewlery from the ponies at the gala (who are either hiding, panicking, or being evacuated by Celestia and Cadance) which in turn forces most of the Royal Guard to turn their attention from you to them. You would be happy at the successful thinning of their numbers *punch punch punch*, but you have a crazy mare on top of you using your head as a punching bag,
"This is for the train! Ruining the gala! And- AH!"
You use your nightmare cloak tail to tightly and painfully grab the crazy pegasus mare from behind before saying,
"I have a thing for mares like you... IT'S CALLED PAIN!!"
Before violently throwing Lightning Chaser into a pillar which causes the pillar to start to fall onto some of the Gala guests who are frozen in fear, but before it does, Trixie shouts,
"Do not panic! The Great and Powerful Trixie will save you!"
She tries to cast a spell at the pillar, but ends up using the wrong one, which causes the pillar to get bigger and fall faster.
"Oh no..."
Thankfully, Twilight uses her magic to to stop the pillar from crushing the guests. *CRUSH* Unfortunately for you, she hurls the pillar at you which crushes you against a wall and buries you under it. Twilight smirks in victory,
- Trixie manages to knock-out Twilight Sparkle, but she does it right in front of Shining Armor, who blasts her into next week.
But soon loses that smirk when she gets blasted into a few gala guests.
"That will teach you to steal the Great and Powerful Trixie's glo-" *ZAP*
Her rant ends when she gets blasted into the wall by Cadance's husband, who yells in anger,
"NOPONY LAYS A HOOF ON MY LSBFF!"
Spot surrenders to the fandom whispers and tries to Starscream Flash Sentry.
Meanwhile, Spot managed to grab a spear and is trying to kill Flash with it as he yells,
"Voices in head demand your blood, waifu-stealer!"
Flash parries the blows with the handle of his broken guitar as he responds,
"Waifu-steal... I don't even have a marefriend yet!!!" (cue sneezing from Sunset Shimmer and Twilight)
As this is going on you scream in rage and smash the pillar off of you with your tail (the fact that you were about to hit Blueblood with your "No Shadow Kick" before being interrupted by that pillar is one of the reasons why). You look around angrily before getting blasted into the wall again by the party cannon. Pinkie giggles and says,
"Never let your guard down, mister Offender!"
You growl in anger before you shout,
Have him shout somewhere during the fight "I put the fun in FUNERAL, LAUGHTER IN SLAUGHTER!"
"You may put the fun in party. But I put the fun in funeral and theLAUGHTER IN SLAUGHTER!"
You scream the last part in the RCV before you teleport to dodge another party cannon blast, appear behind Pinkie, and use your fox tail to stuff her into the cannon head-first before saying a bit deranged,
"Bye Pinkie, you were a BLAST!"
And with that you fire the cannon, sending Pinkie slamming into an incoming Rainbow Dash and they both land on a charging Applejack. You smirk cruelly and start to laugh like a maniac. At this as the Nightmare Cloak begins to become more unstable and you begin to grow a second tail. The only one who notices this is Celestia, and she thinks
What is happening to him? It looks like that cloak is becoming more unstable, and is that a second tail!? I need to stop him, but Luna's not here and there're too many ponies here for me to use my full power!
Use the"You shall not pass!" staff.
While she's thinking this, everyling (and by that you mean Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Braeburn, Shining, Lightning Chaser, Flash, Fleetfoot, and Spitfire) charges at you. You take out the staff (the crystal at the top began to darken when you grab it) and jump into the air, twirling it over your head before screaming in the RCV,
When the dust caused by the shockwave goes away, you clutch the staff embedded into the ground with an insane look in your glowing eyes as you starts to laugh manically,
The ponies and creatures that are still conscious begin to back away in fear at your laughter, and the Diamond dogs stop what they're doing (stealing gems, fighting off Royal Guard, or trying to kill Flash) and say in fear.
"No... Nots again... DOGS! FLEE!!!"
The Diamond Dogs immediately dive back into the hole they came from while yelping in fear and running as fast as they possibly could. Trixie quickly decides to make her exit as well as she manages to dislodge herself from the wall and says,
"Uh... Trixie remembers that she has... Ursas... to... iron... But I assure you all that the Hooded Offender will never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
With that she disappears in a smoke bomb... that only lasts for a few seconds so everling clearly sees her running away like a coward.
The dark whisper appears again and says,
"Look at how these pompus fools cower before you. Doesn't it feel great? Their fear and cowardice. Go, kill them all, show them that they are right to fear you!"
You nod your head in agreement as you put your staff away and slowly begin to form two horns on your head that also begin to poke though your hood as you're two fox tails start waving around in anticipation. You quickly lash out your two tails and grab Applejack and Rainbow Dash with them before flailing them around and smacking away ponies in a frenzy while screaming.
"LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE BEING BEATEN LIKE A DRUM ALL THE TIME YOU BUCKING FILLYFOOLERS!!!"
You then hurl the mares into a window, forcing Celestia to catch them as you use your tails to launch yourself at Blueblood (who's still using Rarity as a shield the whole time), barrel through Flash, Pinkie, and the fashionista, and tackle the prince to the ground before proceeding to wail on his face. The chief buffalo charges at you from behind, but you grab him with one of your tails while you continue to pound Blueblood's face in. As you lift the buffalo in front of you, you pause your rearrangement of the prince's face as you spot a familiar-looking pony outside the gala from the corner of your eye...
"Well, well, well... It's that gardener that refused to lift a hoof in your hour of need... MAKE HIM PAY FOR HIS COWARDICE!!!"
As you agree with your voice, the gardener notices that your glowing angry gaze is off of Blueblood and looking straight at him so he bolts for it *WHAM CRACK*, but you hurl the Chief Buffalo at the pony causing the buffalo to slam into the gardener and crush him against a tree which cracks and falls over.
"And I was only one day from retirement..." the gardener whines weakly from under the unconscious buffalo chief (*)
You are about to continue your rampage, when Celestia shouts,
"I will end your destruction, monster! I will protect my little ponies!"
With what sanity you have left, you look at Celestia and say
"Nothing could keep you safe from me solar-fat-flank! Not even I could keep you safe from me!"
And with that you charge her. but she suddenly jumps into a nearby cake. You look at the cake confused,
CELESTIA THE PRANK GODESS DEEMS THIS MOMENT APROPRIATE TO JUMP OUT OF A NEARBY CAKE WITH A FACE THAT SCREAMS "MAD PRANKING GENIUS." SHE IS COMPLETELY COVERED, HEAD TO HOOF, WITH JOY BUZZERS,
When she suddenly pops out with her entire body covered in hoofbuzzers! She then charges at you, but you lash out to grab her with your tails. Dumb idea, because as soon as you grab her, you get shocked with a million volts of electricity! As you're weak from this electric counterattack, Celestia suddenly shouts,
"NOW!"
Suddenly, Cadance, Twilight, and Cadance's husband jump out and blast Bugze with their magic. But it's not blast magic, it's the capture kind. Soon they have you pinned on the ground with their combined magic. Ponies and creatures begin to come out of hiding and start to cheer in victory, thinking they won and you're beginning to think they're right until he hears a certain snob say,
"I"ll go grab the bag, then we can drag out the runt!"
Twilight, Cadance, Shining, and Celestia manage to restrain you with their combined magic, but a comment by Blueblood causes you to let out a piercing monstrous scream (which causes everypony at the gala except Celestia (who's wincing) to grab their ears in pain) which breaks their concentration and you take on that dangerous form from the climax of the fight with the Diamond Dogs.
Suddenly the room gets overwhelmed with KI as Bugze lets out a horrible piercing scream. The scream is at such a frequency that it echoes throughout the castle cracking and shattering glass as it forces everyling to grab their ears while crying out in audio pain while Celestia struggles to resist as she winces. The break in their concentration allows you to break out of the holding spell as smoke fills the room. When it dies down, a true monster is where you used to be. The monster has two devil like horns pointing out of your hood, three fox tails swing crazily behind the beast and the Nightmare Cloak looks completely unstable. Coming from under the hood are two sharp fangs and menacing glowing orange eyes. Everyling who has managed to more-or-less regain their senses backs away in fear when suddenly, the creature starts to laugh insanely. When it's done, it talks in a distorted, cold-hearted, legion-like voice that sounds like a mix of your voice and the dark whisper...
"You honestly believed that would end ME! YOU CAN NEVER STOP A NIGHTMARE!!!"
What do you do?
[FIXED] Episode 69: And That Is How You Go Out With A Bang! (Season Finale Part Final)
(Meanwhile, at a local donut shop) "Hey, Pony joe. Another doughnut." "Don't you think you've had enough?" "I said another doughnut! Extra sprinkles!" They both hear the blood curdling laugh. "What was that?" Spike asks.
You look around in deranged joy at all the frightened looks that you're receiving. Some of the snobbish (almost all of them) have either fainted in fear or have soiled themselves. Celestia takes a brave step forward and bravely asks,
"Ahahahh, 'What are we' she asks! Well, guess we can tell you. We are the monster that hides under your bed at night! We are the boogie stallion that haunts your dreams! We are your deepest, darkest fear! We are...THE NIGHTMARE!!!"
Celestia takes a step back as the insane laugh continues as huge amount of (Killer Intent) KI fill the room. Anyling that is still conscious follow her example or try to resist the extreme amounts of KI. Cadance on the other hand, looks at you in determination and thinks
This is not the Bugze I know. The Bugze I know is kind, caring, and funny. Not some insane murderous psychopath. Something's not right here, and I'm gonna find out!
MEANWHILE: AT THE LOCAL DOUGHNUT SHOT
Spike sat depressed in a corner stall of Doughnut Joe's. The awesome song that was coming from the Gala stopped awhile ago, and he really wished that he was there to see who was singing. The song perfectly represented his mood at the moment as he was sick of always being left behind to do chores and stuff while the mares went on awesome adventures. Spike sighed as he ate his 123rd jelly doughnut. Spike smiled sadly and thought
At least there's one good thing about tonight, I met El Hunko...and Nightshade.
Spike sighs in a in loving way at the thought of Nightshade.
I like her as much as I like Rarity! I wonder why? Maybe it's because...Gah, snap out of it! You like Rarity remember, not some random filly you saw that just so happens to be the daughter (I think) of a possible male friend...
Spike just sighs at his romantic troubles, he then shouts out,
"Hey, Doughnut Joe! Another ten jelly doughnuts."
The unicorn stallion behind the counter (who had sap green eyes, a orange mane/tail, and a light amber coat while wearing a chef shirt and a cooking cap and is known as Doughnut Joe) looked over to Spike worried and asks,
"Don't you think you've had enough Spike?"
Spike just looks at him angrily and says,
"I said another doughnut! Extra sprinkles!"
Before Doughnut Joe could respond, a bloodcurdling laugh is heard. Spike and Doughnut Joe freeze in fear as a massive wave of KI floods the room with the laugh. So much so that Spike falls out of his chair in fear. Then, almost as soon as it began, it stops. Spike and Doughnut Joe look around in fear, before Spike asks,
"Wha... what was that?"
Doughnut Joe just shrugs fearfully before teleporting a box of cream-filled doughnuts for him and Spike and says,
"I think were gonna need these." Spike just nods his head dumbly while thinking
Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Applejack, El Hunko, Nightshade... please be safe.
BACK AT THE GALA
Well, your opponents are synchronizing and are beginning to effectively work together. They're getting creative, too. Two Wonderbolts took jabs at you, flying very low to the ground for some reason. So you shot explosive charges of pure magic at the floor beneath them several times, but you realize the third Wonderbolt waited all this time and used the resulting smoke as a screen and unexpectedly sucker punched you before you could react. While your still disoriented, the Buffalo Chieftain tackled you. Smirking, you reared up, stood your ground, and caught the charge with your bare hooves! However, you failed to notice Braeburn trailing behind the buffalo's hulking figure who bucked your hind legs, and you fell, the Chieftain briefly trampling you before you teleported to the side and swiped them away with your tail. You needed the grounders to be decapitated while you deal with the annoying flyers. You chambered your forehooves, and did a double-Falcon Punch almighty stomp that caused a shockwave that made the entire floor unstable and uneven, and stumbled all those standing on it. It's time to enhance your arsenal!
As soon as your evil laugh is almost over…
*CRACK*
You immediately get bucked into the air by Applejack and Braeburn. Your opponents are beginning to effectively work together as they synchronize their attacks. And they're getting stinking creative too.
Flash, Lightning Chaser, and Rainbow Dash along with some Pegasus Royal Guards are flying very low to the ground as they come up in pairs you keep knocking you in the air. Meanwhile Twilight, Rarity, and Shining along with some unicorn royal guards blast you with magic when the Pegasus aren’t hitting you. The combined constant barrage of the Pegasus’s attacks and the Unicorns magic blasts keep juggling you in the air. You don’t even bother dodging their attacks as you smile wickedly, but soon you realize the Wonderbolts haven’t hit you yet and you can’t help but think…
Odd… Being Equestria’s elite fliers, you think they would have gotten involved by no-
*WHAM*
Your thoughts are interrupted as Spitfire, Fleetfoot, and Soarin fly in with their right hooves all holding each other’s and spinning around in a blur of blue, orange, and grey as they slam into you sending you hurdling towards Princess Cadance who then blasts you into the wall.
Before you can get out of the wall, you get grabbed by Twilight’s magic and repeatedly slammed against the wall and floor before she lifts you high in the air and smashes you into the floor. As you barely get up, you get blasted into a nearby buffet table (that by some miracle hadn't been destroyed during the fight or eaten by Nightshade) by the magic of a few unicorn royal guards along with Pinkie’s party cannon. You get up again only to have Celestia lift you up with her magic and violently send you slamming into a wall, before she, Twilight, Cadance, and Cadance's husband all blast you with magic. The combined blast causes the wall behind you to collapse on top of you, giving a view of the moon. Everyling huffs and puffs, exhausted by the battle before Braeburn asks a question you never want to ask during a fight...
"So… Did we win?"
Use Nightmare tail to grab some ponies before wildly slamming them around you and at any ponies trying to come at you like you did with the Diamond Dogs a few episodes ago. You throw 2 of the ponies at Celestia to distract her
As soon as he said that, the three midnight fox tails lash out of the rubble at Cadance, Twilight, and Celestia. Shining protectively shields his wife with his body and takes the grab for his wife, Flash pushes Twilight and another gala-goer out of the way and gets grabbed and Blueblood... accidentally stumbles in front of Celestia while still whining about his ears.
"SHINING!!!" Cadance and Twilight scream,
"LIEUTENANT!" some of the Royal Guardsman cry out.
"Hey! What about me!" Blueblood whines.
"Blueblood... No..." Rarity says in a sarcastically deadpan tone.
The rubble is blasted off you in a burst of energy as you lift the three stallions into the air. You look at the crowd with a homicidal grin (which they can now see due to the huge fangs) before saying,
"Well! That was fun, but now it's MY TURN!"
You quote pony bull saying, "Tonight i'm bringing canterlot to life as i walk on water, through shields of light.You heard the king as the urchins sing, 'revenge solves everything.' And i want REVENGE! THIS IS FOR EVERY BUCKING TIME YOU HAVE ATTACKED ME FOR THE REASON THAT I EXIST! I. WILL. END YOU." You then think to yourself, 'maybe that's a little too far... i'll just beat them up a bit and walk out. Yeah that's a better plan... Cadance would never forgive me if i killed her auntie Celestia.'
You then shout out insanely while still holding the three stallions around you like shields,
"For tonight we're bringing Canterlot to life (or DEATH in this case) as we walk on water, though shields of light. You have heard the king as urchins sing, 'revenge solves everything' And they're absolutely right as we want REVENGE! THIS IS FOR EVERY BUCKING TIME YOU HAVE ATTACKED US FOR THE REASON THAT WE EXIST! WE! WILL! KILL YOU ALL TO DEATH!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAH!"
Deep down inside of you, you think
Uh... Maybe that's taking things a little too far... I'll just beat them up a bit and walk out... with some Wonderblots uniforms and Spitfire's sunglasses. Squee Yeah, that's a better plan... Cadance would never forgive me if I killed her husband... Or aunt.... Or-
The dark whisper interrupts your mental rambling and growls.
Enough babbling! Time to paint this gala red!
Use Nightmare tail to grab some ponies before wildly slamming them around you and at any ponies trying to come at you like you did with the Diamond Dogs a few episodes ago. You throw 2 of the ponies at Celestia to distract her before throwing Blueblood into the air and using your tails in a slingshot fashion to hit him with a charged-up midair FALCON, PUNCH! which sends him slamming into Celestia.
You run forward as you wildly flail the ponies in the grips of your tails as you use them to swat away any ponies trying to come at you or just unlucky enough to be in your path and even use them as shield to intercept magic blasts and thrown weapons (you make sure Blueblood takes most of the hits) while laughing like a maniac the whole time. Deciding to end the torment of the ponies in your grasp you end your rampage and say,
"You guys were fun toys to play with, but playtimes over! Bye Cadance's husband! Bye Prince formally known as Charming! Bye waifu-stealer! AHAHAHAHA!"
Before violently hurling the unconscious stallions towards Celestia who catches them with her magic as she thinks,
This monster is too powerful! I need to end this NOW, but there're still too many of my little ponies that could get hurt if I use my full pow-
However, while Celstia is distracted by her thought, you teleport in front of her and grab her horn with one of your tails to negate her magic before you wrap one of your tails around your arm and scream,
"SHADOW SHORYUKEN!"
Your tail-covered hoof slams into Celestia face in a rising uppercut followed by midnight-colored afterimages that launch her into the air at high speed, but you grab her with your tails and yank her back down towards you and yell,
"NO SHADOW BARRAGE!"
Before you jump straight up and hit Celestia with a flurry of kicks and nightmare tail hits that push you both straight up towards the ceiling before your final kick sends her hurtling into the ceiling, but you grab the solar monarch with your tails before she hits, spin her around yourself to build up more momentum (and incidentally knock away Cadance, Rainbow Dash, and the Wonderbolts when they fly in to assist Celestia) before violently slamming her into the ground with enough force to leave a large crater. As everypony gasps and is frozen in stunned in horror at this brutality, you yell,
"You slobbering fools are doomed! I am the one and true god..." Your nightmare side is boiling with a sentence that will scare the buggy droppings out of them. "You are are merely puppets that I play with and animate. None of you can match me..." You realize that this is getting out of hand. "My weak creation Celestia is here to protect you... I know all the weaknesses that will bring about her demise." Uh-oh... "Now, drop at my knees if you wish to live." Several random ponies(including snobbish rich ones)actually get down and crawl to her, asking for forgiveness. This is getting REALLY out of hand! "No more?!" The creature that claims to be a god begins a mad cackle.(No link to the laugh I knew would fit, but Adachi's laugh from persona 4) "I SHALL TAKE YOU TO TARTARUS!!!"
"You slobbering fools are doomed! WE are the one and true god! For you are are all merely puppets that we play with and animate. None of you can match us..."
You realize that this is getting out of hoof as you say,
"Look at what you hold up as your false goddess! See how she is nothing but another broken puppet whose strings were sliced by US!"
Many ponies look at the unconscious alicorn in fear and Celestia as "you" continue,
"Now, drop at our knees if you wish to keep your worthless lives!"
You mentally gasp as several random ponies (including snobbish rich ones) actually get down and crawl to her, asking for forgiveness.
Okay, This is getting WAY out of hoof! You think in panic.
You try to take control of your mouth to say "No more?!", but noling seems to notice the change in tone you speak in, as it is no longer a mixed voice but yours, except for Cadance who thinks,
That's strange, his voice was back to normal just then. And it wasn't all combined voices and all that, it was the real him! Something... something must be controlling Bugze!
As Cadance marvels at her discovery, you spot many ponies (Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Pinkie, Rarity, Braeburn, Lightning Chaser, the Wonderbolts, and the remaining Royal Guardponies) readying to charge at you as Blueblood cowers and pathetically tries to hide behind Celestia's unconscious form. This causes the creature that claims to be a god to begin to cackle madly (think Adachi's laugh from persona 4)
"DON'T THINK I'VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU PRINCE. AND AS FOR THE REST OF YOU WHO CONTINUE TO DEFY ME, I SHALL TAKE YOU ALL TO TARTARUS!!!"
And with that you both attacked.
throwing Blueblood into the air and using your tails in a slingshot fashion to hit him with a charged-up midair FALCON, PUNCH! which sends him slamming into Celestia.
You lash out and grab Blueblood with your tail as you charge up your voice before screaming,
FUS RO DAH!!!
The roar of power sends everypony slamming into the walls behind them as it blows out all remaining glass in the gala area. You then throw Blueblood into the air as he screams like a filly. With a cruel smile, you smash two of your tails into the ground in front of you to your left and to your right before using the third tail to launch you backwards away from the embedded tails as you insanely scream,
"HEY BLUEY, I'M COMING FOR YOU, AND WHEN I DO, YOU'RE NEVER GONNA WALK AGAIN!!! AHAHAHAH!"
When your tails reach their maximum stretch, you slingshot yourself towards Blueblood and charge up a Falcon punch, which is now midnight colored instead of fiery color. When you finally reach the falling unicorn prince you smile insanely and scream,
"FALCON! PUNCH!"
Your hoof slams into (we can't say exactly where Prince Blueblood got hit, but lets just say he'll NEVER walk right again or be a father... EVER as every stallion in Equestrian unconsciously winces in sympathetic male pain as tonight will go down in legend as The Ultimate Nutshot) and a sickening crack is heard throughout the room as Blueblood smashes into the floor at high speed leaving an even deeper crater. Deep down you think in worry,
Uh... that was REALLY excessive, why did I do that?!
As you land, "you" start to laugh insanely again before you look at Celestia...
The dark whisper has crept out of the corners of your mind and is now speaking to you clearly. Yessss. Let the hate flow through you. Snuff out the light, embrace the dark side! Kill them all! Then the chibi Nightshade pops up. "No, don't do this! This isn't what you want, this cant be what you want. You were going to be a hero, Remember?" "Why should he be their hero when all they've tried to do is maim him? C'mon you spineless grub, destroy them! The darkness shall-" "You're not helping! Bugzy, they only hate you because they don't know how good you can be; they never even gave you a chance! But that doesn't mean you shouldn't give them a chance." Evil nightmare scoffs Like anyone would be give you a chance. I'm your only friend, and I'm ordering you to kill them! Bugzy: "Hmm... nope." What, what do you mean 'nope'? ... I kind of forgot what exactly came after that. Something along the lines of "You can't do this to me! I am darkness! I am hate! I am the greatest nightmare and the bane of all that live and breathe! YOU WILL OBEY ME!
The dark whisper has now crept out of the corners of your mind and is now speaking to you directly (you can also tell that the dark whisper is a female..go figure). When she (you're gonna call it a she for now) saw you looking at Celestia, she chuckles evily before saying,
Yessss. Let the hate flow through you. Snuff out the light, embrace the dark side! Kill that accursed Celestia!
You would have wondered how she knew Celestia, but you're under evil influence at the moment so you don't care. You're about to attack Celestia, when suddenly chibi Nightshade appears wearing a crossing guard uniform and holding a stop sign in front of you and says,
"No, don't do this! This isn't what you want, this cant be what you want. You were going to be a hero, Remember?"
You look at her surpised before you slowly nod, which goes unnoticed by all besides Cadance, who looks at you strangely and thinks,
Why is he nodding? I need to get a closer look. And with that she starts to sneak her way towards you.
Meanwhile (back with you) the dark female voice is now saying to you
"Why should he be their hero when all they've tried to do is maim, kill and humiliate him? C'mon you spineless grub, destroy them! The darkness shall-"
Chibi Nightshade interrupts her by saying,
"You're not helping! Bugzy, they only hate you because they don't know how good you can be; they never even gave you a chance! But that doesn't mean you shouldn't give them a chance."
The dark female voice scoffs and says
"Like anyone would be give you a chance. I'm your only friend, and I'm ordering you to kill them!"
You just smile smugly and say
"Hmm... nope."
You feel somehow the dark female voice nod her head as she says,
"Good, now go and kill- What?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOPE!"
The mini-Nightshade cheers as you shake your head and say,
"I may be hated by these ponies, but that's only because they haven't given me the chance to prove myself. I may beat them or show off to them or stuff like that, but I won't kill them. If I do I'll never get the chance to prove to them that I'm good. Besides, what few friends I have would never forgive me if I did."
Just as you think you are about to regain control, the dark female voice (I'm now gonna call her DFV for now) suddenly shouts,
"NO, I'M YOUR ONLY FRIEND! YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER FRIENDS. YOUR ONLY FRIEND IS ME! YOU CAN'T TREAT ME LIKE THIS! I AM THE DARKNESS! I AM HATE! I AM THE GREATEST NIGHTMARE AND THE BANE OF ALL THAT LIVE AND BREATHE! I AM THE ONE WHO GAVE YOU ALL THIS POWER AND YOU WILL OBEY ME!"
You can't help but think during her whole rant,
This mare in my head has a very twisted version of friendship...
Flutershy tries to calm you down and even resorts to using "The Stare", but in your state you just barely manage to avoid hurting her.
Fluttershy then walks into the gala (she was in the garden singing to calm the animals in the gardens and came in when the noises stopped) as she says,
"Um... If you don't mind me asking... What's with all... the... noise..."
She stops and looks in shock at all of the destruction and unconscious/cowering ponies before commenting,
"Oh my..."
Suddenly you loose all control of your body as it shakes involuntarily and mini-Nightshade disappears in a puff of smoke as your voice says,
But before you can finish, DFV takes over with a maniacal laugh and turns to Fluttershy before shouting (sounding like you and her voice combined, but with her voice a little louder),
MY... AREN'T YOU A PRETTY LITTLE THING. LET'S SEE HOW PRETTY YOU ARE IN PIECES!
She then charges at the yellow pegasus, but she flies right in her face with "The Stare" and yells,
"How dare you! How dare you take control of MY friend! His reputation is bad enough, and you're just making it worse! Hurting my friends! Ruining this gala for everypony! What do you have to say for yourself!"
The DFV tries to say something, but can't due to the power of "The Stare", but she's starting to break through. You take advantage of this opportunity and temporarily take back control before you look at Fluttershy and desperately say,
"Fluttershy... I can't control her much longer... So you need to listen to me... Reach under my coat..."
"Zecora made them... Healing potions... Heal injured... After that... get them out... okay..."
Fluttershy looks at you with worry in her eyes and says,
"Hoody..."
"GO!!!" you scream as the last of your control slips.
She recoils in shock before she gives a firm nod and whispers,
"Good luck Hoody." and then flies off to help others,
"Potion Sash" -Current Reserve: 2 Healing Potions
Cadance, who heard the whole thing gasps in worry and thinks,
Oh no, this isn'tt good! Whoever is controlling Bugze is now in full control! If I don't do something soon, Bugze will be lost forever and the controller will kill everypony! And whoever has control of Bugze has a very twisted version of friendship.
For some reason she can't help but feel that Bugze agrees with her.
Then, to both parties dread, Celestia weakly says...
The mares decide to grab the Elements of Harmony, but this triggers a dark instinct inside of you which leads to you leveling the gala with Meteor Impact (and a cameo from a certain cowboy party pony...)
"Twilight... Gather... Elements of Harmony... Quickly... I fear this is the only way... that we can stop this monster..."
Twilight dislodges some rubble off of her as nods her head and says,
"Yes, princess. Girls! We have to grab the elements."
But before the others could go and grab the elements, DFV screams in anger,
"NO! NOT AGAIN! I WILL NOT BE BESTED AGAIN BY THOSE BLASTED ELEMENTS!"
DFV raises the three nightmare tails into the air before slamming them straight down into the ground with earth-shaking force, knocking down the the mares and anyling nearby that had just gotten up around you and launches you into the air at high speed, effortlessly smashing through the ceiling.
Now Prince Blueblood obviously can't speak right now due to the fact that, A. He's unconscious B. Even if he was awake, he'd be crying/whimpering in massive pain But if those weren't factors, this is what he would say,
"Hah! The Hooded Offender has fled like a coward from the fearless, the mighty, the handsome, the incredibly well-endowed, Prince. Motherbucking. Blue... blood?"
He would then trail off in horror as he sees a midnight-colored meteor coming straight at him...
MEANWHILE...
On a hilltop far away from Canterlot, a party pony in a cowboy hat and poncho looks toward the castle before turning to the rubber chicken on his back and saying in a serious tone,
"Well Boneless... Another Bland Boring Ball has come and gone and once again we've dodged another really boring-"
"METEOR IMPACT!"
Suddenly part of the castle explodes outwards, with a trail of midnight colored smoke trailing behind the rubble. The party pony blinks before he says,
"Boneless... I think we just missed out on one of the greatest parties ever..."
He then takes his cowboy hat off and holds it across his chest reverently in memory of the great party he missed.
BACK AT THE GALA
When the dust settles, the gala looks devastated. There are holes in the ground, ceiling, and walls, unconscious creatures and rubble are strewn everywhere, in fact from the looks of it, most of the gala goers (including most of the mares, Lightning, Flash, Braeburn, the Wonderbolts, etc.) are knocked out while the few remaining conscious gala-goers are hiding. The only ones conscious and not hiding are Cadance, Fluttershy (who was protected by Cadance), some of the gala goers, and you. DFV smiles wickedly as she lets out a evil laugh at the sigh of all the unconscious ponies. She then sees the knocked-out Celestia and she says...
After a battle... "The ponies lie broken before me. I have done it. I have thrown down their sun goddess. There is no one to stop me. First Equestria, then the world!" Wait, what? Stay down, worm! I could not have done this without your help, but do not presume your continued presence is welcome. You don't understand what is happening, but- I understand perfectly! You were weak, and I am strong. "You... you're still in there, aren't you?" Princess Celestia struggles to stand. "The cloak... it isn't you. You aren't a monster." Is she trying to help you? Even if she was, what good would it do? A god holds you, insect! A GOD! See the power I wield! A tail lashes out and slaps Celestia across the room. No! Their goddess is nothing but a plaything to me. What good does your denial do? Celestia stands again. "What do you want?" "You fool! I want-" "Not you," she snaps. "You. Inside. What do you want?" You... you wanted to be the good guy... Yes, and see how that turned out? "I promised to help others..." Celestia laughs. "I heard you!" "No!" "Your daughter. Think of your daughter! You helped her! You protected her!" Nightshade... Celestia continues. "But there were others, weren't there? Fluttershy helped you. You were looking for Cadance the first time I saw you. You have other friends, don't you?" "Yes. Apple Bloom. Zecora. Derpy." "SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!" Tails wrap around Celestia, one around her throat, and she is pulled to hang in the air in front of you. She smiles. "The cloak didn't earn you your friends. Only a heart can do that." "SHUT! UP!" The tail around her throat tightens, choking her. Celestia struggles to breathe, but her smile remains. "Let her go!" The tail evaporates, and Celestia breathes again. No... no it isn't possible! You wretch... you can't control me! Watch me, you think. Your horns begin to shrink down, and the tails begin to loosen. Celestia drops to the floor. "Impossible! I am hate! I am eternal!" "You are a nightmare," Celestia says. You grit your teeth. "And it's time... I... woke... UP!"
"I've done it... I have thrown down their sun goddess! There is no one to stop me! First Equestria, then the world!"
No, stop! This isn't want I wanted! You think in defiance.
DFV sneers and says,
Stay down, bug! I could not have done this without your help, but do not presume your continued presence is welcome. Although it will be kept because of our friendship and the fact that she isn't ready yet...
She isn't ready...? You think in confusion before you shake off the thought and think/say,
Look lady, if we were friends then you would let me understand why you took over my body. I mean wh-
DFV interrupts you as she says,
"I understand perfectly! You were a weak little monster and I am an all-powerful goddess! And you will forever stay by my side, as I take over the world AHAHAHAHAH!"
You can't help but shiver in fright at the laugh, and you are about to give up, when...
"Offender... you're still in there, aren't you?"
Cadance asks as she struggles to stand up from the attack.
"That cloak... it isn't you. You aren't a monster. The cloak is."
She looks at you with determination. And you can't help but think,
Why is she trying to help me? After all I did when I was still in control...
DFV give a evil chuckle as she says,
Even if she was, what good would it do? A goddess holds you, insect! A GODDESS! Behold the power I wield!
A tail lashes out and slaps Cadance across the room.
No! Leave my friend alone!
DFV growls and shouts
"FOOL! You're nothing but a monster and I am your one and only friend! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!?"
Cadance stands again with a confident look as she asks,
"What do you want?"
The DFV sneers and shouts,
"Isn't it obvious you pink cupid wannabe! I want-"
"Not you," she snaps glaring at you- no the DFV as she says "You Offender. Inside. What do you want?"
I... I wanted to be the good guy...
Yes, and see how that turned out? Hated by all and the only pony who cares for you is me!
Somehow, you managed to take control of your mouth again and you say
"I promised to help others..."
Cadance laughs and says,
"I heard you! And I know for a fact that you have done a good job helping others so far!"
NO!The DFV screams as she tries to take control of your mouth. Cadance looks at you determined and says
"Your daughter... Think of your daughter! You helped her! You cared for her! The only reason this all happened is because you were protecting her!"
The other gala goers who are still conscious gasp at the information of you having a daughter, while you only think,
Nightshade...
Fluttershy comes running out of the crowd with a bold look on her face as she says,
"Cadance is right Bugze, you helped me. You saved me so many times! You're not a monster, you're a hero!"
Cadance nods her head at what Fluttershy said as she continues,
"But Fluttershy isn't your only friend is she? You have other friends, don't you?"
You somehow managed to nod your head as you whisper,
"Yes. Zecora. Derpy. Braeburn..."
Suddenly you lose control as DFV screams,
"SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!"
Tails lash out and wrap around Cadance and Fluttershy's throats before lifting the ponies and hanging them in front of you.
NO!
Cadance smiles confidently and says,
"The cloak... didn't earn you... your friends. Only a heart can do that... And Offender... you have a big one."
Fluttershy manages to nods her head in agreement from her noose,
"SHUT UP! I COMMAND IT!!!"
The tails around their throats tighten, choking them. Even as they struggle to breathe, but their smiles remain.
Let. Them! GO!!!
GAH!
The tail suddenly evaporates, and Cadance and Fluttershy drop to the floor gasping for air.
No... no it isn't possible! You can't... you can't control me!
Just watch me honey... you think.
Your horns begin to shrink down, and the tails begin to loosen as the DFV cries out in despair, desperately trying to maintain control,
"Impossible! Grr... I am hate! AH! I AM ETERNAL!"
Cadance gives her a cold glare as she says, "You're nothing but a nightmare."
You grab your head tightly as you grit your teeth and declare.
"And it's time... I... woke... UP!!!"
As you try to take control, you suddenly hear ponies...cheering?
"Come on Hoody, you can do it!"
"Beat that nightmare down!"
"Offender! Offender! Offender!"
The cheers from all the ponies give you the extra strength, but the DFV is still fighting back hard and it looks like she may regain control when suddenly,
Nightshade calms you down (or at least tries to...)
Daddy! Daddy can you hear me!
Your eyes shoot open in shock and you say,
"Nightshade?! Why are you out of the Inventory!?"
Nightshade giggles and says
I'm still in my bed Daddy. I can't get out because this mean smoke thing is blocking the way out, but that doesn't matter. What matters is this. You! Are! My! Daddy! You are a kind, lovable, sweet, cool, and awesome Daddy who has done nothing but save ponies and kick bad guy butts. So...you can beat this meanie nightmare, and be my daddy again. Promise me, okay daddy, that you'll be my awesome daddy again.
You cry tears of joy and say.
I promise sweet heart... I promise.
Yay!
With that boost, you are able to beat back the DFV's influence as the DFV makes one last pained plea,
"No no NO! YOU NEED ME! I AM YOU! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU FOOL! TOGETHER WE COUL-"
"GET OUT OF MY HEAAAAAAAAD!!!"
With that one last powerful scream, you take control of your body as you hear DFV cry out in agonized anguish as you return to your normally hooded self. The crowd that was cheering looks at you nervously and wait to see if you did it. You shake your head like a wet dog before jump into the air and shout,
"YEAH BABY! THE HOODED OFFENDER IS BACK!"
Cheering is heard throughout the gala from those who are awake.
They...really think that I'm a hero... YESSS! You think to yourself excited. Just as your about to express your joy, you look up to see... that the ceiling is coming down!
Also, please, let him make some more progress in being considered good in the eye of ponies.
*snap*
Thinking quickly, your three fox tails lash out to hold up the ceiling, but you can't do it for long. You look at Fluttershy and shout,
"FLUTTERSHY! GIVE CELESTIA THE POTION!!!"
Nodding quickly, she flies to the fallen sun goddess as pieces of the building continue to crumble and fall and she pours the potion into Celestia's mouth. She wakes up and gets up in confusion and spots you, but before she can say or do anything you yell,
"HURRY SOLAR-FLANK! THIS PLACE IS COMING DOWN AND I CAN'T HOLD THIS UP FOR LONG! TELEPORT EVERYLING OUT OF HERE!!!"
The ponies who now realize that your a hero nod there heads, as both snobs and non-snobs grab as many ponies and creatures as they can and gather around Celestia. Soon Rainbow wakes up and asks,
"Ah... what did I....miss..."
She stops talking as she sees the devastation of the gala and of you holding the ceiling up. You look over to the ponies and yell,
"WHAT THE HAY ARE YOU STANDING AROUND FOR!!! I CAN'T HOLD THIS BUCKING THING UP FOR MUCH LONGER!!!"
Parts of the walls start to fall apart to emphasis your point. Celestia steps forward and looks at you determined as she asks,
"Why are you doing this monster? You know you will not survive the collapse. So why are you saving my little ponies and my life? " Fluttershy and Cadance gasp in worry at that, but you just give a humorless chuckle as you say,
"Yah...so what. A hero is not afraid to give their life to save others, so neither am I. And if you forgotten solar-flank...I am the hero from the darkest abyss! I am the turned changeling! I am the stallion of colts. I! Am! The HOODED OFFENDER! AND NOLING DIES ON MY WATCH, SO GET!"
Celestia nods her head dumbly as she charges up a teleport spell, but suddenly Fluttershy flies over and hugs you and whispers,
"I'll never forget you Bugze..."
You smile in her embrace and say,
"Thanks Fluttershy... Now get out of here."
With tears in her eyes, she flies back to the others as Celestia teleports everyling out. Your life flashes before your eyes (along with the sounds of your ex-Queen weeping which you still can't understand) as you think,
And that folks... Is how you go out with a bang...
*CRASH!!!*
BACK AT DOUGHNUT JOE'S
Spike and Doughnut Joe heard the loud crash, but they just figured that someling crashed into a building or something. Spike was about to eat his 800th jelly doughnut, the doors of the store open, and a pony walks in. Spike doesn't bother to look up, but as the hoof steps get closer, he starts to get a feeling that the pony is walking towards him. The hoof steps stop in front of his table, and a voice asks,
"Sir, may I inquire of the seat adjacent to the seat you currently occupy is currently held by another party?."
Spike looks at the pony angrily and says,
"Listen bub-"
He stops when he sees that he actually knows this pony.
After the battle, change back into the "El Hunko" suit and hat and pay a visit to Spike at Doughnut Joe's before getting on the next train to Appleloosa.
"El Hunko!"
You smile and nod your head as you take the seat across from him as you say,
"Ah, Sir Spike, so nice to see you again. I told you I'll take up your offer. I would have been here sooner, but something popped up and I had to stay at the gala for longer then I thought I had to."
After that you and Spiked talked for half an hour, eating donuts and sharing tales about your lives (omitting any details about Nightshade, the Hooded Offender, the fact that you're a changeling, and even the fact that you sang that song at the GGG). Apparently he has more bad luck then you, if not more so. He laughed at all your painful mistakes and you can't blame him. Just as you are about to tell him about the time your grandbuggy started a war between your clan and a griffon village over who should marry you cause your grandbuggy made the terrible mistake of betting you on a poker game (the one time he loses... Strange thing is, the bride from the village disappeared and the war ended then and there), the doors to the store open and you see a less-than-pleasant sight. You see the battered and bruised mares and Celestia walk in. While a crying Fluttershy is being supported by a grieving-looking Cadance. Spike looks at them and asks,
"Woah, what happened to you guys?"
They all looked at each other and said at the same time,
"The Offender happened."
Spike looks super sad as he says,
"What! I missed him again!? Why can't I ever meet that super cool rebel? I mean come on. I just want his autograph- I... mean boo he sucks... yeah..."
Spike stops fancolting when he notices the glares he gets from five of the mares and Celestia, but looks confused when he sees Fluttershy and Cadance smiling at him. Spike then remembers his guest and says,
"Oh yeah, guys let me introduce you too... huh?"
I note sits where El Hunko once was and it said...
Sorry I couldn't stay Spike, but my mare troubles came so I had to bail. I hope to see you again sometime in the future, but until then, I bid you adu adoo adieu See ya.
P.S. My funds are depleted at the moment so would you kindly pick up the tab?
Spike's eye twitched in annoyance when he saw the bill (you ordered all the gourmet hoof-crafted donuts like "Key Lime Pie", "PBJ", and "Strawberry Cheescake" and stuffed the ones you didn't eat yet into The Inventory for Nightshade)...
ON A TRAIN HEADING TO APPALOOSA
You sigh as you begin to sleep in your suit, ready for a nice dream after today's events. The last thing you think before you fall asleep is...
Thank Luna that's all over with. I can't wait to get home to Appaloosa with Nightshade. Maybe "The Salt Block" will have some freshly-baked Apple Crisp a la mode... *drool* All I know for sure is nothing bad can happen now...
As you drift off, you swore you heard a dark whisper...
I may be gone for now, but I will return, and when I do, EVERYPONY WIL-
The whisper is drowned out by the train's whistle and with a shrug... you fall asleep.
If only you knew what sort of chaos was heading your way...
TO BE CONTINUED IN SEASON TWO OF "THE LIFE OF A WANTED CHANGELING!"
The ride back to Appaloosa was mostly uneventful for you. Aside from running into a bruised and grumpy Braeburn and a knocked out buffalo chief (who's body fell on you when you went to use the bathroom), nothing else happened on the ride back. When your train was close to the Appaloosa station, you hid in the bathroom as you changed out of the "El Hunko" suit and hat and into your favorite stetson (the one that looks like the 11th Doctor) that you brought before you left Appaloosa last time. After making sure that Braeburn and the, now awake (but grumpy), chief buffalo got off first and that noling was watching, you stepped off the train and back into Appaloosa. You walked around town, getting surprised but happy looks from the townsfolk. You waved and said hi to all of them, and they waved back and said hi and howdy back, Carrot Top even ran up to you and hugged you (then asked if you could patch her squeaky doors). You felt so happy to see them again after how long you've been gone. You ran into Braeburn, and you were only able to say "Hi Br-" before he gave you a bone-crushing hug (you seem to be on the receiving end of that lately). You barely managed to tell him that you needed air before he dropped you and you hugged him back while whispering (you were trying to re-catch your breath),
"Nice to see ya again best buddy."
After you were done hugging and saying hi to the townsfolk, Braeburn took you to the "The Salt Block" for a round of your favorite apple treat, Apple Crisp a la mode with "cider, the good stuff" (Sweet Apple Acres cider).. After consuming seven bottles and five dishes and putting three dishes and two bottles into The Inventory (for your daughter to eat later along with the gourmet hoof-crafted donuts you still had from Donut Joe's), you and Braeburn headed back to his house. After catching up with each other, Braeburn explained how the gala went from "More boring than watching a cactus grow" to "As exciting and dangerous as a rodeo riot" and you explaining that your 'family emergency' is over with, and that it was all a false alarm. Your conversation went something like this:
"Nothing to worry about, just my grandbuggy blowing up his house-"
"How in tarnation is that nothing to worry about?!"
"It's nothing to worry about when it's the eighth time he's done that."
After that you both hit the hay and your life in Appaloosa began... again.
HALF A YEAR LATER
The next 6 months were pretty uneventful with a few exceptions. The first exception was that a month after the Grand Galloping Gala, you took Nightshade out on a picnic to the outskirts of Appleloosa to see "The Secretariat Comet", but it later would turn out that the Secretariat Comet caused magical anomalies all over Equestria including an army of giant cockatrices attacking Canterlot and a "giant marshmallow pony" attacking Manehattan (*). Unfortunately for you, the Comet also resulted in an army of super-powered Tasmanian devils (Think Taz from Loony Toons), Chupacabras, and Vampiric Jackalopes (the latter was especially interesting/puzzling since Nightshade mentions reading in a book that Chupacabras and Jackalopes are normally natural enemies, but it was probably a side-effect of being Comet-powered) heading towards Appleloosa and your picnic happens to be in their path! However, one threatened/frightened Nightshade and the resulting "Nightmare Cloak" beatdown/rampage (which was even more powerful due to the Comet) later and what was left of the army was sent fleeing (or limping away) in terror while you, however, just collapsed from exhaustion. You woke up a couple days later in the local hospital with Nightshade sleeping next to you and you just smiled at how adorable that was and fell back asleep. After that night there were no Tasmanian Devils, Chupacabras, or Jackalopes sighted anywhere near Appleloosa ever again.
A few weeks after that incident, you finally got the newspaper issue talking about the gala disaster (Appleloosa always did get the news late). It was headlined, "Grand Galloping Flop: The Fall of the Hooded Offender!" The article talked about how big of a disaster the Gala was. It went on about how the Hooded Offender 'viciously' attacked the gala-goers and ruined Prince Blueblood's chances of ever having foals, but it also talked about how part of the castle collapsed with the Offender inside. When eye-witness were question by reporters, there were mixed opinions on what happened:
"The Offender saved us. If he didn't hold up the ceiling when he did, we would be dead!"
"He's a monster! He attacked everypony in sight and almost killed me!"
"He sacrificed his life so that I could live to see my beautiful wife and two foals another day, but he also put an exploding collar around my neck almost a week before that. He was definitely not a simple creature..."
"He totally ruined like, any chance I had to have that dreamy prince's beautiful babies! I hope he like, burns in Tartarus!"
When the royal guard captain was asked, he gave no comment besides that the incident was being investigated. You admit you laughed until you passed out when you saw the picture of Blueblood in the hospital. Naturally this also led to conspiracy theories about the Hooded Offender ranging from "There were Multiple Hooded Offenders" to "The Hooded Offender is Just Hiding" . There was also a gossip tabloid magazine which you normally avoid (even changelings look down on the paparazzi), but you got it anyway because it was about the Hooded Offender. Apparently the Hooded Offender has an underground fan club that calls themselves "The Horde" and claim that the Hooded Offender was a misunderstood outlaw who sacrificed his life to save those at the gala. The magazine claims (given how its a tabloid, the claims were dubious at best) that members of "The Horde" included a few of the Wonderbolts (which ones weren't mentioned), rebellious teenagers, one of the Elements of Harmony (again, weren't mentioned but you had a fluttering suspicion who), some of the high class nobles, a few Royal Guards, Princess Cadance, and even Sapphire "The Pony of Pop" Shores! What was even more surprising was that, somehow, you got a "secret coded" letter inviting "El Hunko" to the Hooded Offender's memorial (the letter wasn't that secret since all they did was remove all the "Q"s, "V"s, and "Z"s). You wouldn't have gone, cause it was your own memorial and you know... you're still ALIVE. But you decided to go anyway.
When you got to the secret location of the memorial (which, ironically enough, was held in the field you fought the mares at), you saw alot of ponies from the gala, along with Zecora, Trixie (Grrrr...), a pink pegasus who looked alot like Cadance, Fluttershy, Derpy and her daughter, and even Sapphire Shores (it took all of your self-control to not make a complete fool of yourself fanbugging in front of her)! She, along with everyling else (including you), wore a black hooded cloak. There was a small statue made in your likeness, and under it there was a engraved sign that read:
The Hooded Offender He may be said to be a villain To be a monster, a cruel stallion But we know the truth He was a great stallion With a heart of gold And a pure soul He saved us He saved those who look down on him because it was the right thing to do He was a hero And he died a hero He sacrificed his life to save those who went to the gala And we place this memorial in his honor May he be remembered forever in our hearts As a true Hero "Hooded Offender, AWAY!" -The Horde
A bunch of ponies from the gala went up in front of the statue and gave speeches about how you saved their lives at the gala. Zecora, in her rhyming way talked about how she met you, how she helped you heal and how you two became friends. Finally, Fluttershy went up and talked about all the times you saved her and about how she helped you. She then tearfully talked about how you were such a good friend and how she will never, ever forget you. You went back to Appleloosa that day with tears of joy in your eyes. You would hear rumors about how merchandise, charities, and even an orphanage were dedicated to the Hooded Offender, which would tempt you to consider donning the hooded coat again and pop up as the Hooded Offender, but it was too risky,
The Hooded Offender died to protect ponies from the DFV within me and that's the way it MUST be. You would think.
A few weeks later, you suddenly got the idea to contact them with the "Long Term Communication Spells For Advanced Unicorns"book, but when you looked in The Inventory for it, you discovered that it was missing! You suspect that you lost it either when you jumped out of the train or during the events in Ponyville or Canterlot.
A few months later you finally made enough bits from small jobs and patching to buy a house! You moved out of Braeburn's place with a teary goodbye (on Braeburn's part) before you moved to your new home. The house was a decent-sized two-story building with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen with an icebox and a stove/oven, a living room, and a guest room. You put all the books you had on the bookshelf (required some patching with duct tape, but it came free with the house) and you put all your clothing in your bedroom closet (including the "El Hunko" suit and top hat, the Hooded Offender cloak (under a floor board of course), orange bandanna, and Stetson hat). While Nightshade has her own room which includes some buffalo-made toys, a few used textbooks, and her dress from the Gala, you still frequently find her sleeping in The Inventory (which you still always kept on you at all times out of habit).
Even though life's been pretty good, you always remembered that you have a debt to pay and a very high debt at that to The Doctor of all beings as well. You're afraid that one of these days you're just gonna *poof* out of existence. Hopefully you can save up enough money to pay off the debt before that happens (some days you find yourself almost wishing a dragon would attack just so you can slay it and take it's treasure horde like the heroes in old tales). You also hope he doesn't call in that debt and make you fight a bunch of aliens on a meteor to save a baby or something like that.
We now find you going to bed in a nice orange bed. As you fell asleep, you couldn't help but think how much you love the life you have right now.
To sum it up, life was perfect for Bugze that half year in Appaloosa. Sure, there were ups and downs, but you don't mind. All was peaceful for the changeling... of course with harmony, there will always be chaos. And your life is about to become chaotic as Tartarus...
TO BE CONTINUE IN SEASON TWO OF THE LIFE OF A WANTED CHANGELING!
. Though some of the books might be outdated.
"Sorry." she says.
"Really ya varmint? That's the best y'all got, books."
