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Well you done Goofed....1,193 words
MUFFINS!!!!!! Oh and Dinky1,713 words
INSERT NAMES HERE2,118 words
THE PAST THE PRESENT THE GASP FUTURE!3,384 words
My Date with destiny... mostly with a changeling though.2,954 words

My Date with destiny... mostly with a changeling though.

“Well, I have blueberry muffins and banana nut muffins which one would you like?” I said to the group of ponies.
They didn't say anything at all and I just set the muffins on the table. I sat back in my chair and gave the group one more look before I let spoke again.

“Well, Luna, who’s next?”

She looked at me and then proceeded to look around the room at all of the ponies present until her eyes finally came back to me.
“How about you, Lex?” She said in a cool relaxing tone

I put my finger on my chin while looking in the air and thought of my own question. I kept thinking of one until I thought of something that had been bothering me ever since I got her.
“Ok I got one. Why are you two bigger the rest of the ponies? Are you freaks or something?” I said, while pointing a finger at Luna and Celestia.

Shining and Twilight stiffened at comment and gave me a glare that would have lit ice on fire, but Celestia and Luna just sat there and smirked like they were just remembering an old joke.

“No, Lex, we are not freaks. We are commonly known as Alicorns here in Equestia. We have more magic then the common pony and our body has to be slightly bigger to accommodate that.” Celestia stated

“Yes, my sister is correct along the lines of what we are.” Luna followed up

I looked at them both for a couple minutes with a blank expression. Needless to say due to past experiences with that look they both cringed slightly. Before they both spoke to ask what was wrong I smiled and said.

“I pick Ms. Doo.” I said as I pointed at Derpy as she walked in from the kitchen balancing a muffin on her head.

“Who” She said with a questioning look on her face.

“You silly” I said back to her chuckling to myself

“Oh, yes that’s me.” she said trying to hide a blush which I found fucking adorable.

“Well, I do have one question for Ms. Luna.” She said still hiding the blush

“Princess Luna” Shining openly stated to in which I informed him of that this is her house and we she can call us anything she wants by saying “Shut up”.

He quickly looked down angry that someone would tell him to shut up like a child when he was a full grown stallion.

“Well I always wondered if you take requests on when you do meteor showers.” Dinky said not taking notice of mine or Shining outburst.

“Well we usually don’t, but sometimes only for special occasions or reasons. Why do you ask?”

“Well my daughter’s birthday is coming up and she loves star gazing so I was wondering if you could have a meteor shower on her birthday.”

Derpy said looking down trying to hide her uneasiness.

“Well I believe we can. What day is it?”

“It’s coming up next month on the eighteenth.” Derpy said still looking at the ground but with a small smirk on her face.

Luna put her hoof to her chin and looked up in thought, then stated with a frown “We are sorry but we are unable to do the meteor shower that night. We must attend a summit in the Griffin Kingdom and it takes us a lot of energy to do such a feat as a meteor shower.”
Derpy lost her smile and looked even further into the ground. I did not think that was even possible but here she was doing it and it was wrenching my heart to see it, so I did what any gentleman would do in that situation.

“I will create the meteor shower for her.” I openly stated.

Everyone looked at me like I was crazy or insane for a couple minutes until Luna spoke.

“How art thou going to do that?” she said in an old English accent

“Well I would say science but you don’t have a lot of that here so the typical answer would be…MAGIC!” I yelled out the last part while pointing my index finger in the air like an idiot.

They all gave me a dead pan look and Shining said while rolling his eyes “Oh, that will totally happen.”
I looked at him with a smile then forced a twitch in my eye. He noticed this and his eyes grew wide and he started to shake. The others noticed shining shaking but before anyone could ask what was wrong I pulled out my gun and said one word.

“Run”

He leaped out of that chair so damn fast that it left a dust trail of him there while he was running out the door. The others were just about to ask what was happening with shining and why I told him to run, yet I was on my feet and running out the door as well. Somehow I quietly shut the door while I was running out and only I and Shining was outside. He stopped and turned around to see if I was just bluffing and was just inside, but as soon as his eyes found me they grew to the size of dinner plates. They only grew bigger when I pulled out my IPod and turned on a song.

Skip to: 30

I pulled up my hood so my face was hidden and changed my eyes to glow and my smile to be a bit bony.
(Look at the picture the song and you will see what I mean =D.)

I can feel the animal inside
My resolve is weakening
Pounding on the doors of my mind
It's nearly overpowering

I pulled out both my guns and looked down at him with the smile.

I cannot begin to describe
The hunger that I feel again
Run if you intend to survive
For the beast is coming to life

I swear to god this time when he ran I saw a dust figure of him where he used to be.
I looked behind me to where the front window was to see Twilight, Luna, and Celestia all looking at me with their mouths agape, while Derpy just waved at me with a smile.

Taking more than a glimmer of this tainted moonlight
Death approaches on this night

I waved back to Derpy which in turn freaked Twilight and Luna out making them run behind Derpy while Luna just mouthed out words I could not understand but I could translate them and they made me want to smile even more.

“Don’t even think about it.”
I stared at her
For the animal's soul is mine
We will be completed right before your eyes
I have no control this time
I looked over at shining
And now we both shall dine in Hell tonight

And then I ran like a bat out of hell.

4 hours later

Damn Shining has more stamina then I thought he has been running for about four hours now and only now starting to slow down. My hood had moved off my head long ago and my eyes stopped glowing. Well for me after about thirty minutes I summoned my demon Harley and started following him with a new music list and every time a new one comes on he runs faster.

“GETTING TIRED THERE SHINING!” I yelled over the noise of the Harley

“STOP BUCKING FOLLOWING ME!”

“IT’S FUCK NOT BUCK!”

“WELL THEN FUCK YOU!”

I smiled while revving the engine pulling a wheelie making him run faster.
He ran around a corner in to an open market street with people and I did the most reasonable thing I could think of.

I laughed

I drove around the corner and saw to my delight many other ponies where standing there looking at me with wide eyes. I smiled at them giving them a queen’s wave as I drove past them following shining on his run through hell.

“STOP CHASING ME!”

“WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!

“BECAUSE I AM TIRED!”

“HOW ABOUT NO?!?!”

I kept chasing him down the street till I heard a scream. Shining and I stopped and looked around. We heard another scream that was much closer.

*CRASH*

An explosion to our right created a hole in the side of a building that had a bed and quill sign above it. I saw something walk out of the hole and I thought that it was the most weirdest hottest thing ever.

“GO MY CHANGELINGS FEAST ON THE LOVE OF THE PONIES AROUND HERE!”

“CHRYSALIS!” Yelled shining

Chrysalis turned around and saw shining and a big smile that showed off her fangs.
“Shining, it’s so good to see you again, how’s Cadance?” Chrysalis said with a smug smile.
“Don’t you dare say her name bug.” Shining said with as much venom as he could. Chrysalis laughed with her hoof to her face and looked over at me.

“Well, hello who are you?”

MY BRAIN AT THAT MOMENT

Goddamn it there looking at me! what do I do what I do what do I do.
OK, she is girl and she cute and maybe single. I’ll ask.

OUTSIDE

“Are you single?”

Shining and chrysalis both looked at me like I had asked a rock to marry me.
I looked at both shining and chrysalis with my eyebrow up.

What?”

Chrysalis was the first to recover and said “Well this is new. You’re the first thing ever to try to hook up with me in my real form. Even my own Changelings are afraid to ask.”

“Well are you single or not?” I asked with more eagerness.

“Lex, this bug almost destroyed this kingdom and you’re asking if its SINGLE?!”

“My name is Chrysalis and I not at it I’m a she.” Chrysalis said in a nonchalant tone.

“To answer your question Lex; Yes, I am single. Now why would you…”

“Want to go on a date?”

Shining jaw drop like a rock with rocket strapped to it pointing downward it almost touched the ground. Seriously it almost touched the ground it was like an inch away. He might want that checked out I don’t think that’s supposed to happen. Chrysalis did not have as much as a reaction as Shining but she still moved her reactions across.
They both stood there staring at me for about fifteen minutes and during all that time all surround in Changelings and Ponies also just stood there slack jawed.

After about fifteenth minutes I said something that might break the tension or hopefully not.
“What?”

Chrysalis was the first to recover again and she just started laughing.

And laughing

“Is that a yes or a no, either way I would like to know.”

She stopped laughing and stared me down with a snarl on her face.

“Don’t make fun of me swine.” She said with venom

“I’m not. Now, will you please answer me?” I said with a straight face.
She looked me straight in the eyes and slowly walked toward me with a neutral expression.
Her hips swayed back and forth with a swag clearly showing off her as… BAD BRAIN BAD GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER.

She stood right in front of me looking me down with the same expression and put a hoof to my chest.
“Only if you can beat me and my changelings, along with kissing Celestia and Luna will I ever think about dating you.” She said with a little hatred hidden in her neutral tone.
…
…
…
“Deal”
She reeled back not expecting that I would agree and shining jaw hit the ground.

Gross

“So beat you and beat your changeling along with kissing Celestia and Luna is that it?” I said looking at her with smile.

She stood there slack jawed looking at me with a look of pure confusion and revulsion. She recovered and stated “Yes that’s all, but how do you expect to do that?”

I smiled at her and stated only two things “With a song and a couple illusions.”
I snapped my fingers and a gold sphere grew around my hand. I snapped my fingers again and it started to grow. It continued to grow until it was larger than my body then kept expanding until it covered the town.

“Now that’s down let’s start the song.” I said pulling out my iPod and flipped to a couple playlists until I found a song that worked and didn’t work with this situation.

The music started and the sphere I sent out pulsed an unearthly glow.
I moved my hands to my head forcing it to change. Green and blue flames swarmed around my skull rapidly melting it.
I looked up opening my mouth and the two flames coiled around each other and went in to the sky only to come back and slide inside my mouth. The flames melted my eyes, skin, hair, and muscle around my skull leaving only a bleach white skull that rested in my shoulders.
I looked over at the first changeling while creating tiny blue and green flames in my eye sockets. I also moved the flames to my left and right hand. The right held the Green flame and the left held the blue. Some of the changelings grew some balls because ten of them came from all directions and tried to attack me. I am putting a lot of emphases on tried here.
They surrounded me and lowered their heads aiming their horns at me and proceed to fire green shots of magic at me. I let the flames absorb the magic and grow longer. The firing stopped and I unleashed a hell on them.
I used the flames and rapped the flames around the necks of the changelings and severed their heads from their bodies not even leaving a drop of blood due to the flames burning the flesh. I looked around and saw that most of the changelings were backing up with looks of dread on their face. I looked over at Chrysalis and Shining and saw that Chrysalis had a look of complete shock and disgust while Shining also had a look of shock but also one of happiness. He and I need to talk in the future later about him and his likes and dislikes.
One of the changelings shot a beam of magic at my chest knocking me to the ground.

The rest saw the opportunity and also shot green beams of light at me while I was still on the ground. Dust kicked up and surrounded me while the beams of light shot at me. After about a full minute of beams hitting me they stopped. The dust was slowly settling but before he could fully I sent both my flames out and massacred the Changelings. The flames decapitate heads and or severed body part from their bodies leaving many still alive screaming.
The ones still alive which were about twelve out of the fifty that Chrysalis brought where crying out in pain with severed legs or horns. I used the flames to pick them up making sure not to burn them and moved them toward me. I floated them to me and once there where in front of me; letting me have a good look at them. Each one was female as far as I could tell and each one was crying. I looked each one in the face getting up close and each one cringed at the look. After looking each one in the face I raised my hand and brought in down in a slow movement. As I was doing this the flames that were holding them reached down and started cutting them in half like butter knife through cold butter. There screams brought to new heights and I also learned that each one was in fact a mare or a very girly stallion.

“STOP!”

I looked over and saw Chrysalis looking at me with an expression of hatred and fear. Before I could say anything she shot a huge beam of green magic at me which at the last second I deflected into hitting all the changelings that I caught in half. She stood there with a look of pure horror knowing that she just disintegrated twelve of her Changelings.
I teleported around her and knocked her out with my elbow before she could do anything else. She slumped to the ground and I recreated my face, which is a painful process in which where the nerves are a bitch to recreate. Only after my head was back to normal I picked her up. I looked over at where Shining was and saw that he had passed out with puke coming down his side.

“Pussy,” I said with a sneer while whipping my hair in the air because I just don't car. Which in fact is very hard to do with out long hair.

I walked away and realization came to me. I turned around while holding Chrysalis snapped my fingers and the gold sphere shrinked down to my hand to disappear. I looked around and saw the carnage was gone only leaving behind Changelings that where knocked out and would have nightmarish dreams in the future.
I turned back around and went to finish my two last tasks to have a date with Chrysalis

1. Defeat Changelings
Check

2. Beat Chrysalis
Check

3.Kiss Luna
Not complete

4. Kiss Celestia
Note complete

Author's Note:

i would like to thank again Deathstar for all the help he has given to this story and like to openly state that there can be no more rape comments.
You guys are really fucked up
Now then i would like to say i am coming out with a short story in the future. Its a twist on the fucked up story of "Derpy's finest hour"
which I would and would not recommend reading.
anyway if there is any problems with the story feel free to comment below and please leave all the love and hate below.
Goodby

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Soul Reaper

Soul Reaper #1 · Apr 14th, 2014 · · ·

Well, chalk one up for omnipotence.

Death2205

Death2205 #2 · Apr 14th, 2014 · 2 · ·

Yesssssss this pleases me

Grankuwaga

Grankuwaga #3 · Apr 14th, 2014 · 2 · ·

“GETTING TIRED THERE SHINING!” I yelled over the noise of the Harley
“STOP BUCKING FOLLOWING ME!”
“IT’S FUCK NOT BUCK!”
“WELL THEN FUCK YOU!”

Exilded

Exilded #4 · Apr 18th, 2014 · · ·

Hello guys its me Disorderly Chaos... well kind of. I GOT BANED FROM MY BLOG.... soooooo I can't really do anything because i dont know how to move my stories to one place from another so i guess this story is done.....