• Published 28th Mar 2014
  • 4,999 Views, 92 Comments

Stay calm and Smile - Disorderly chaos

You have lived for thousands of years and have not aged a day, then for no reason you were sent to a world with colorful talking magical annoying ponies. Now then how about when you first get there god attacks you and loses sounds great right? Nope

  • ...

MUFFINS!!!!!! Oh and Dinky

"MUFFINS MUFFINS MUFFINS" I said quietly out loud like a crazy manic hell bent on getting his hands on muffins anyway possible.
"Where here." said the gray pony. I looked to see a house that was in need of some help. There were small holes along the walls with broken and boarded up windows.
"This looks so much like the Orphanage." I said quietly to myself with sadness.
"Excuse me mister?"
I looked down to see the gray pony looking at me.
"Yes pony?"
"Oh right you don’t know my name, well my name is Ditzy Doo and I was wondering if you like muffins, do you also like children as well?" she said looking at me with a stern look that would have made seals cringe and look away.
All I did was look at her and smile one of my kind smiles and replied with "Only children will ever beat my love of muffins in my book Ms.Doo."
She looks at me with a smile on her face that could have melted a three inch steel door for how cute it was. I mean if you weaponize her you would have cute nuclear explosions everywhere.
"Thank goodness, but please call me Derpy my friend’s do." she said while still holding on to that smile.
"Alright Ms.Do... I mean Derpy” I said chuckling to myself.
"Well come on in I think Dinky should be just about done with the new batch of muffins"
"MUFFINS!" I yelled out loud getting the attention of a couple neighbors who once seeing me ran in there house and locked their doors. I took no notice of this though because of the thought of having a warm delicious Muffin in my mouth. I walked inside calmly with a smile on my face and looked around. The inside fared no better than the outside with holes in the walls and burn makes on the ceiling, I was going to ask about that but I looked over and Derpy and found that she was smiling at something ahead of us. I looked and saw something that would have given mortal men over cute heart attacks. I witnessed a tiny pony which I assumed was a child from the height and the questions Derpy asked me before. The tiny pony was carrying a tiny assortment of muffins on here back and had a care free smile on her face. The smile she gave made Derpy’s smile look like a flash grenade, this little pony could get anything she wanted if she smiled like that to someone.

"Mommy?" I thought to myself, but before I could figure out what she meant the little pony that yelled ran and collided with Derpy.
"Hey there Dinky, have you said hello to my new friend Mr. Millennium." said Derpy after she got up from the collision.
"Who?" said Dinky?
"That would be me little one." I said
She looks around and finally sees me and puts a frown on her face before it turns in to a smile after she has a good look at me.
"Do you like Muffins?"
And like that a friendship was born.


"Thanks for having me over Ms. Doo and Ms. Dinky." I said while opening their door to leave.
"Don't leave Lex." said Dinky while making an attempt at puppy eyes with a quivering lip.
"Ah, little filly I must leave and see the world with my own eyes and hands." I said with a smile while waving my hands in her face making her stare at them and become a bit cross eye like her mother.
"Well if you need a place to stay our home is always welcome to you." said Derpy while looking at me.
"Oh almost forgot." said Derpy while walking back to the kitchen and walked back with a basket on her back and handed it to me with here hooves. "How is she doing that without hands" I thought to myself while I grabbed the basket from her. There was a Blue blanket covering whatever was inside the basket so I did what any other human would have done. I lifted the blanket and found a dozen blueberry muffins.
"Blueberry Muffins.." I said quietly
"Yes, That's was Dinky's newest batch today so she thought you would love them since how much you love muffins." Derpy said while looking over at her daughter with a smile. Dinky started rubbing her hooves together looking at the floor, which I thought looked the same thing as a little girl rubbing her hands together from nervousness. "I-I thought you might like them on your journey." she said while attempting to look down further then needed.
"Well that was nice of her. Wait is she blushing?" I thought in my head and Indeed there was a blush on her face and growing from the longer I did not answer her. So I got on one knee and put my hand on here mane and shook it up a bit.
"Thank you Dinky Blueberry is my favorite." I said while giving her my kindest smile. she looked up and saw my face and responded with "THANKYOU" and ran off like a bullet. Hell I think she would have beaten a bullet in a race. I looked over at Derpy with a confused look on my face and saw that she was blushing to. "Well I think you know the way out" she said quickly before she too ran off to her room and shutting her door with a loud bang.
"Well that was weird." I stated before grabbing my muffins. I then walked to the front door opening it and walking outside. I looked around and greeted by over two dozen white ponies. I took them no need and started walking away thinking they probably just want some of the delicious muffins Derpy and Dinky make.
I kept walking thinking they meant someone else, when all of the sudden I felt something sharp go through my chest.
I look down and see that there is a fucking spear going through my left lung, with blood pouring immensely out of it. "Wait does this make me holy or Swiss cheese" I said laughing while coughing out blood, yet being loud enough to be heard by the white ponies. I look around and see that each and every single one has a look of horror and disgust. I look back and see the same group of seven ponies from before and the big ones face made me want to bust a gut laughing. Celestia face was one of pure horror and looking like she just smelled a shit burrito after seeing someone eat it. I look over the other six and see that they had the same expression except for two. One who had fainted and the other one was smiling like she was at an amazing party. I immediately liked her. I set the basket on the ground and turned toward the ponies and pulled out my iPod from my pocket turned to the song of itself.

"YOU DONE FUCKED THE HELL UP PONIES" I screamed before the music started.
It's not easy having yourself a good time
Greasing up those bets and betters
I grabbed the spear and started pulling it out through the rest of the front of my chest while looking at the crowd of ponies with a smile. I slowly pulled it out and with a sickening noise it popped out. I heard a pony puke as I dropped the bloody spike on the ground and turned toward them with my maniac smile.
Watching out they don't four-letter
Fuck and kiss you both at the same time
I Teleported right next to Celestia and grabbed her head and planted a kiss on the end of her snout on her lips, which she opens her eyes in surprise and I watched her wings poof up like a rocket.
Smells like something I've forgotten
Curled up died and now it's rotten
I let go of her snout with a quick movement and thrust it to the side like I slapped it, then I turned around and started walking away.
I'm not a gangster tonight
Don't want to be a bad guy
I'm just a loner, baby
And now you've gotten in my way
I turned around and looked at the group of ponies, and Celestia who still had her wings up with a look of surprise still.
I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll prob'ly go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride
I pulled out a sword that was on one of the white ponies in a sheath and stabbed my chest creating a hole in it. I dropped the sword and put my hand in the hole and pulled my still beating heart. I looked over at the other ponies and crushed my heart with a sickening smile on my face.
Six white ponies past out right there and twelve others puked out there stomachs. Celestia turned green which showed greatly due to just having a white coat.
It's a bitch convincing people to like you
If I stop now call me a quitter
I moved the life energy to recreate a new heart and to get rid of the wounds and blood. I also changed my clothes cloths to my favorite suit and looked the terrified ponies.


"Well then what are all your names?" I said giving them a warm smile.

Author's Note:

This is the second chapter and I would like to say... I'm not changing the song. I like the song so screw you..... I'm sorry. =C
Also can I have a editor please.
OK then send your love,hate,death,love, and rape comments below thanks