• Published 28th Mar 2014
  • 4,999 Views, 92 Comments

Stay calm and Smile - Disorderly chaos

You have lived for thousands of years and have not aged a day, then for no reason you were sent to a world with colorful talking magical annoying ponies. Now then how about when you first get there god attacks you and loses sounds great right? Nope

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I stood there for about five minutes before one of them before one of them was sane enough to respond to me much less talk to me.
The first one to respond was a cyan flying bird pony with rainbow hair.” I like the hair" I thought to myself while maintain the smile.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE MONSTER!" she screamed at me while pointing her hoof at me, which I guess, was the same as pointing a finger at someone...

"What are you talking about?" I asked with confusion not knowing what in the bloody hell she was talking about.

"I ASKED WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE MON-" she yelled before I teleported right in front of her and went down to my knee and grabbed her muzzle with my hand and closed her mouth shut. "And I said what are you talking about?" I said getting right up in to her face.
"LET GO OF HER!" screamed one of the ponies to my right before I was knocked ten feet in the air landing on my back.
"What was that?" I thought to myself as I got back up and dusted the dirt off my suit.

"STAY AWAY FROM US MONSTER" screamed one of the ponies and I look to see that it was that it was one of those incest ponies with a pump on their heads and this one was the color purple with a darker purple for hair with a pink highlight on the side.
I looked over the rest of the ponies and each one had the same look of anger and fear on their faces, all except the pink one that was smiling at me earlier. She was still giving me that big smile of hers and I thought of something that might just be funny, but before I could try it out she was on me like a starving tiger on a Saturday night barbecue buffet. Then all I saw was pink and the outline of the smiling pony I liked so much standing on my head.


Luckily I caught all that and responded with "Of course I like parties and cupcakes who doesn't, but I like muffins much more then cupcakes." Her hair seemed to deflate once I said this and out of nowhere I hear a loud crack like a pipe just broke, then all of the sudden she gets her hair to be poofy again and she says "Well ok then, I like muffins too, but I still like cupcakes better.

"GASP. I almost forgot you have to come to the WELCOME TO PONYVILLE surprise party tonight and have cake." she said out loud while holding her hooves to her face.
"PINKIE GET AWAY FROM THAT MONSTER!" yelled the group of ponies
"But why? He's not a bad guy." she responded to her friends
"WHAT?" they all said in together
"I said he's not a bad a guy I DON'T get any bad vibes from him and he likes cupcakes. I mean what monster likes cupcakes.” she said like it was a fact of nature itself.

"Pinkie look at him he is as tall as Celestia herself and he has those sharp teeth and did I mention THAT HE STABBED HIS CHEST, THEN TORE OUT HIS OWN HEART AND CRUSHED IT WITH A BUCKING SMILE!" screamed the purple pony.
"Well he just did that for the LOLZ" she responds back with an innocent smile
"Exactly" I responded for my case
"Pinkie what is a... AH never mind Pinkie" the purple pony sigh and looked down.

"SOOOO I’ll ask a second time what's your names, well other than Pinkie Pie." I said while directing my finger to the pink one. The celestia walked up to me and said "I am Princess Celestia and co-ruler of the nation Equestia and might I ask who you are?" she said while looking at me with a look that made me think of a mother questioning her daughters boyfriend.

"Well I already told you but it you want to get formal My name is "Lex Millennium" or "Millennium" or "One Thousand" or "The Unkillable" or "Necromancer" or "Nightmare" or my favorite "The god of a thousand moons who has destroyed countless souls and has death himself as his lapdog" or finally "The Crazy Guy" " I said with a smile thinking back on how I got my favorite nickname "I think it was form a cult that liked me." I thought to myself.

Celestia looked me down with a stare that if it could kill, than I would be turned in to dust then frozen.
“What do you plan on doing here Mr. Millennium if I may ask?” she said while maintain that stare
“Why the hell should I tell you?” I stated with a smug look
She reeled back not expecting this answer and before she could respond I spoke again.
“Let me think you think you’re a god or the people around you think of as gods and over time you have accepted that, but let me tell you this you’re not a god or anything like it. Won’t to know why!? I yelled that last part out loud.

Before she could answer I yelled “BECAUSE I AM!!!”

She took a step back not expecting me to yell and before she could even fully respond me yelling at her I blew up my skull.
Brain matter and skull fragments went everywhere they went in to people hair and on to the on their faces and bodies. The rest of the six ponies past out and the white ponies puked everywhere then passed out. Celestia just stood there with a look of pure horror plastered on her face then puked on the ground next to her. She might have eaten grass before do to the color

“Gods can’t die there just forgotten Celestia just forgotten…”

A white light formed around my body healing my head while I slowly got back on my feet. Once I stood on my two feet in front of Celestia half my face was still being reformed by my magic. So it looked creepy as hell with brain matter still falling out along with my eye glowing a bright blood red.

“and I can’t be forgotten.” I said while letting my tongue roll out of the half of my head that was still gone

I look at Celestia staring at me with a bloody face and eyes of pure fear before she too past out. “Awesome” I thought as looked down at Celestia

I look around and saw the where all the brain matter was and see all the ponies past out and thought to myself “I want a fucking muffin”. I went to the basket seeing it did not have any brain on it and picked it up and grabbed a muffin out and did a pack man style eating routine.
“I wonder if Derpy has any butter.” I said out loud to know one imperticular. I started walking toward Derpy’s house and stopped. I looked back and saw the blood and puke and thought “Might as well clean up.” I said while waving my hands in front of me and willing the puke and puke away. Seconds later we had a clean street with past out clean ponies on it.
”There much cuter when there asleep”
I turned around and started walking away from them toward Derpy’s house and the butter.



I have been looking for Derpy’s house two hours and I can’t fucking find it. “I swear to god if I find it on the same street as those knocked out ponies.” I said while grinding my teeth to dust only for them to reform. I turned around a corner only to walk in front of a dozen white ponies holding spears and in armor. Then one of them stepped in front of the others holding a spear and yelled “Halt in the name of Celestia!”
I stood standing just looking at them without moving. The pony yelled “You are under arrest for assaulting royalty, escaping, and being in a populated area.”
I stood there standing looking at them, then all of the sudden I started laughing. I just stood there laughing at them because it was the funniest thing I have ever heard, because I did not care.




I stopped laughing and looked down and saw my basket was broken and that the three muffins I was holding for the butter was sitting in a mud puddle. I stared down at the muffins with a blank look on my face, and then I heard the same white pony say “That was a warning shot monster, so don’t try to fight back.”
I looked at him with the same blank look, while he had a smug look on his face.
I continued to stare at him and then something odd happened. My left eye twitch


“Mr. Millennium what would you do if someone took your muffins or destroyed them” said Dinky while whisking the batter in the bowl. I looked at her and gave her a blank look and said “You don’t want to know.”


I continued to look at the smug pony and I said the first thing that came to my head.
“What’s your name?”
He seemed confused by the question, but recovered quickly and while still holding that smug grin said “Shining Armor why?”
I took out my iPod and switched to the song that I only used once before then set it to start in fifteen seconds.
“Just wanted to know what to put on your grave stone” I gave while frowning and you might think "OH NO HE’S FROWNING WHAT COULD BE SO WRONG" and I would reply with….EVERYTHING!
His stump on his head started glowing a pinkish color and he said with the same smug look “I said give up; you can’t honestly think you can win where the best the princess has to offer. Just give up.”
It was then the music started.

They seemed surprised by the music and started looking around to see where the music was coming from.

I raised my arms in the air and forced open a portal to drop two fully loaded Smith-and-Wesson 500 magnums into my hands.

I then pointed both guns at him and gave the most deadly, sinister and hatred smile I could do and it seemed to work because the bastard took a couple steps back and gulped. I then lifted my arms up and pointed at the other eleven white ponies and shot at them hitting each one in the chest.
Each one had a red fluid pouring out of there chest with a look of agony on there still faces.
I looked back at Shining Armor covering his ears with his hooves only to open them and see the massacre behind him. I saw the look of sadness and shock on him looking at his friends dead on the cold ground like there where nothing much more than bags of flour. He then slowly looked at me with fear and anger in his eyes and he opened his mouth to say something, but before he could speak I pointed the magnum in my right hand and fired.


His hooves went back to his ears from the sudden loud noise and looked at himself to make sure he was all still there then he looked at me with pure fear in his face and I could swear the ground around him turned wet with piss.
At that point I put the guns in my coat pockets and walked away from the pissed ridden pony.
I stopped and turned my head and said “Their not dead it’s just a hollow blood bullet with a knock out explosion.”
I then continued to walk forward not caring about the tears coming down his face and going to his friends to shack them awake.

I yelled out loud "DON'T FUCK WITH MY MUFFINS!"

Author's Note:

I am going a little insane here.. haha
I like the song and if you don't like it then you can go fuck yourself.
Ok then leave your love,hate,death,love and rape comments below and also leave ideas below as well for the next chapter.