This is a story about a 17 teen year old who is given the powers of chaos itself. Its a HIE, but the main protagonist is not based of me in any way, there are things that he does that I wouldn't and would but I digress.
This story is my first fic as I said before so tell if I'm doing anything wrong tell me and I'll try and fix it as quick as I can.
Not a Fate/stay Night crossover I just like that picture.
Thank you for the support and for reading.
Wait..... Was he in the Matrix?!?!
I'm not sure........ I didn't mean for it to sound like he was so no he wasn't but that's not a bad idea. But that's for another story.
I would open the door with a katana resting on my shoulder and a pistol in my left hand.
Also, great job! Keep it up, and all that jazz!
Lol and thanx
Thanks?
i like it so far static1.fjcdn.com/comments/The+Grim+brothers+always+amuses+me+D+_6c54526ba34c5264c3768c7e7d6236d3.jpg
Now here's an origanal spin on this idea. You sir have earned this reader's fav.
But then how will you learn?
3108331 well played
So is he going to be a chaotic good/Neutral and get away with being chaotic due to it?
I believe so, but I have few darker things in mind for later
Note: does not seem to be a Fate/Stay NIGHT crossover.
3109233 no, sorry its not but here have a mustache
3110251 thanks for being honest, I don't have a editor unless some wants the job. I have chapter 4 done but I'm putting it up tomorrow it's a bit fast pace but after that chapter I'm slowing it down some. When waiting about someone who can stop time while making it snow bunnies and pancakes, pacing is difficult to say the lest. And as for the three rule from Aladdin I think they fit quite nicely it to the grand scheme of things. One can only have so much power without being overpowered. But that you bringing it to my attention and thanks for the fav here have a mustache
at the begin this was in my mind
Step1 close door
step2 make shield around house
step3 ask politely what the hell they want
step4 ???
YAY
Either epic Dragon fight or that Dragon try's to rape him.
You have made me laugh, thank you. You have earned this
more more more more more more more more more more more MOARZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!
3115209 I have a bad feeling about the whole "Dragon rape" situation.....
Can I has more pls
The positive: Your characters seem fine, and your story seems to be paced reasonably.
The negative: You are in desperate need of an editor, both for grammatical issues and for editing several conversations. This is painful to read.
LOL did he just do a dragon mating call
3115967
I think he did
give it up for mating calls!
In the words of TOBUSCUS: Hot-hot hot hot-hot-hot
lol hes fucked
yaaaaaaaaayyyy cluster-Fck hopefully your friendly neighborhood discord saves the day
Like that other guy said, don't just wait for an editor to come to you. Go find one yourself.
This story NEEDS an editor. If it was not for all the errors you made while writing this, this story could have had 100 likes to 3 dislikes. Seriously.
Edit: I would suggest not taking a pause at writing new chapters, and concentrate on editing the ones you've already made.
I would help...but I'm not a good editor, trust me.
Why do you all want Amos raped by a dragon?
animo tío, que te esta saliendo una historia bastante buena
1 . answer to your question last chapter : because *stewie griffin voice *he's sexy
2 . brony on made me think of power rangers, so bronys, PONY MORPHERS ACTIVATE, GREEN EARTH PONY !
3114035 Step 5: Profit
I'll be the one editing, so ill try to get it done quickly o you guys can enjoy more, sooner rather than later.
Finaly!
Now the story will go from mediocre, too good! (no offence.)
Also for future chapters, take your time! You don't have to post a chapter per day. (remember to re-read your chapters every time, and nit-pick on things you don't like.)
Everyone prefers a well thought out chapter every week, than a rushed one everyday.
Also here is some advice for your story-line: try to think do something different than most HiE.
Aka: try to find a plot twist that would really surprise the reader, and could possibly turn your story in another direction, so that the story doesn't fall into the cliché: 'Human go to Equestria, makes friend with Mane 6 and help stop evil bad guys. Everypony is happy TEH END'.
Maybe I'm thinking too big. Whatever. Write what you feel like writting, but please find something original for your story-line.
Edit: Also keep your tags to a minimal (1 to 3), as too much tags intimidate the reader into starting the story.
Is the 'alternate universe' tag really necessary? Don't put this only because the story is not cannon, as every fiction isn't. only put it if it's an alternate version of Equestria, and not just the human part.
For 'Human and Anthro': You only need the Human one.
And for 'Romance, Comedy, Dark': Except if all 3 are a major part of your story, take some out.
Why the hell am I ever writting this. These are only REALLY minor complaints, sorry
Okay, so this is going to be edited, good, now instead of donning my tattered Grammar Nazi cap, I can go and finish off looting Zion. Toodles.
3118774 don't worry about the plot I never intended to be friends with all of the mane 6, background ponies FTW.
Thank for te advice.
Hmm.... somewhat regular updates, comedic values in the story... I like it. Faved!
i think celestia and them set him up.
Also if you can make objects appear why make like weapons or tools appear in his hands.
Because there's no fun in making sense and rational decisions.
i was about to downvote when i saw this chapter, but i'll give it another shot, and re-read it when it's edited
also, i love stories when the main character is friends with a dragon that isn't spike.
http://www.vinylcreation.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Scarface-Say-Hello-Black.jpg i said this to my friend when i told him to read this story
let the new updates begin!!!
3161744 thats funny right there
Sweet Luna, for a fairly new fic that had grammar problems, you've actually managed to write one of the better comedic stories i've read in a long time. Good job, looking forward to more