• Published 28th Mar 2014
  • 4,998 Views, 92 Comments

Stay calm and Smile - Disorderly chaos

You have lived for thousands of years and have not aged a day, then for no reason you were sent to a world with colorful talking magical annoying ponies. Now then how about when you first get there god attacks you and loses sounds great right? Nope

  • ...

Well you done Goofed....

“What the fuck.”
Those were the first words out of my mouth once I got out of the creepy fucked up woods.
Well you might think my first words would be “YES, I’m out of there!” or “Finally”.

No mine is a perfectly normal response once you see tiny fucking colorful ponies walking around like they fucking own the place and some of them must have been fucking there sisters or brothers and shit because some of them had fucking bumps on their heads big enough to through a doughnut on and make it fit and to top it off there are two giant fucking ones sitting on a podium like they were god or something. Then I notice all the little ponies were staring at them like they were god.

“And not one notices the six foot guy just standing here, typical.” I said out loud still not being seen

And like that my brain went on every known drug on earth with a hint of an alien probing me.

“Did that horse just talk?” I said it like it was an everyday thing I say.
Ok, you might think well hell he’s taking this well, and since you know me so much skip the next couple of lines because you know me so damn well.

“Captain the power source is depleting and were losing power faster than a child on a sugar rush” screamed the Corporal.
“Do a manual reboot” said the Captain calmly.
“But sir..”
“Do it now Corporal”
“Yes sir”


“We seem to be cooling down. Power seems to be returning as well sir.” said the Corporal with a long sigh.
“There my job is done time to go get some beer and woman” said the Captain with a smirk on his face and a devious look in his eyes.
“Oh no “said the Corporal has he facebalmed.

I was still rubbing my face were my arm seemed to work on its own and slap me right across my face.
“Da fuck was that about.”

“What the fuck is a discord?” I said curios because the name sounded kind of awesome


I Look down and see a pink pony with yellow hair with a strip of blue going down it with huge flat eyes.
I was thinking that is one colorful ass pony when all of the sudden I felt a pulling sensation around my waist and look down and see a golden aura around my waist. I look up and see that same golden aura was also around the giant horse thing horn.

“Quickly girls I don’t know how but he is taking my powers at an alarming rate” said the large white horse.

“YES PRINCESS CELESTIA” said a group of colorful ponies that were standing around Celestia.

“So the white horse thing is called Celestia and how the hell did I miss not seeing that group that were standing right fucking next to the white horse” I thought to myself.
I was about to ask what Celestia was doing when the group of ponies that were surrounding Celestia suddenly did a Undertaker with their eyes and started floating up while a rainbow started to flow around them like a snake.

“Da fuck.” Was all I was able to say before the rainbow shot and ran right in to me .

All I felt was peace when the rainbow hit me then a feeling that was almost like getting a massage from a goddess with magic hands, and through all of this it felt like my body was having all the aches and pains from the thousands of years I have been alive wash away from me. Then it suddenly stopped as soon as it came. I stood there looking at the six ponies and Celestia with a smile on my face that would have made anyone scream from fear. The group of ponies that shot the rainbow at me fell slowly back down from the sky with smug looks on their faces. When there pupils came back from where ever they went each one drops there jaw and I swear to god each one eyes became the size of dinner plates. I looked over at Celestia and she had the same look on her as well.
I crack my neck to the side and took a back at the same group and all around me. Everpony looked at me with same look at the group in front of me. “Wait I have a brilliant idea.” I thought with a smirk.
I reached in to my pocket and pulled out my iPod and switched it to a song and cracked that shit up.

I then started to slowly walk toward Celestia and the six other ponies with a demon of a smile.
Once I stood in front of them there mouths still agape I looked down and said with a kind smile "well you done goofed the fuck up".

I then stood at my true height turned around and walked away. I planned to keep walking till I was out of this crazy town, but not ten steps I heard the most beautiful words.
"Would you like a muffin?"
I stopped in my tracks and looked to my left and saw the most beautiful thing in the world.

A Muffin

"Excuse me sir would you like a muffin?"

I looked and saw a gray body blond hair pony holding the food of the gods and all I could do was stare at her.
she must have started to get nervous because she started backing away.
I raised my hand and said "wait can I have that muffin?". Her face lit up like a light bulb when I said I wanted that muffin. well I mean come on muffins are humans greatest idea in the world.

"OK" she handed me the muffin and I threw it in the air and opened my mouth and swallowed the thing hole. Licking my lips I looked at her and gave her my warmest smile and said "do you have anymore?".
She gave me one of her own warm smiles and replied with "Yes at my home want to come?".
"Sure" I replied quickly
We started to walk away together and then i thought of something. I turned around and looked over at the other ponies standing there with their mouths opened more than physically possible and their eyes creepily to wide. I then tilted my head smiled my insane smile and said
"Don't fuck up again". I turned around and started walking toward the blond pony, but I stopped turned my head and said" My name is Lex Millennium and I like muffins. I then turned started walking away from the creepy ponies and to the Muffins.

Author's Note:

please leave all hate, love, death,love, and rape comments below thanks.