i really dont know what to say this is going to be as nice as i can make it be cause i cant up load most of my fan fics so i well make this nice as most as posable i hope i can upload
Chapters (3)
robotic pig
Joined 26th Mar, 2012 ·
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2 words da fk?
So Pro! Not as classic as Full-Life but I liked it.
Men, a thumbs down is not enough to kill this horror.
We need kerosene. Lots of it.
In all seriousness, this is bad. Like, really bad.
I want to love and tolerate the shit out of you.
Another trollfic
............
affiliateimprov.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/double-facepalm.jpeg
ok what can i do to make it better
377938 Stop writing fanfics until you've grown up.
i have nothing to say to that
was my fan fic that bad
377965 i'm going to read it and tell you my thoughs in a sec.
377965
Honestly? Yeah, it was 100% atrocious. Poor spacing between conversations, wall-o-text, Punctuation mistakes, badly formatted speech, and what's not. I understand there is an intention between R.D & Fluttershy but due to the bad overall presentation, it feels horrendous to continue reading. You need to try harder next time, if your intention is not a troll fic.
I'm not going to bother reading because it's just a huge wall of text. In case you're not trolling, you're probably just not cut out to be a writer.
Wow, just wow.
No flow, no character developement, no punctations, spelling errors. And that was just the first chapter.
I suggest you try to get behind the things which make some fictions great and try to apply that on your stories. Also you may have to collect more life experience otherwise I couldn't explain how flat you described the plot.
The only positive thing I can derive from the story is that you had the courage (or audacity?) to upload it.
this is my first fan fic
378029
Maybe to you, but not to the rest of the world. Try again.
fine i well make a good fan fic i am going to start right now
378035
And that's why you gotta do it right the first time.
Here's some tips for you my friend, even though I wasn't able to really... read it. Paragraphs, my friend. Those are important! Formatting a story with paragraphs a-
Sorry, but here's the deal. EITHER this is a trollfic, OR you just really don't know how to write. I apoligize, but before you even think about writing anything, you need to read. Read a lot of books, fiction, whatever you can get your hands on and learn from what THOSE people do.
I want to thumb this up because of flutterdash shipping, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Sorry.
um ok i really don't know what to say. i get that the fan fic sucks ok so i get the point it suck
Epic troll is epic!
... What
what does that mean
there is only one person how liked and that was me i had to like my own fanfic
378128
'What' as in 'What the hay did I just read'.
It's just a massive wall of text.. And I refuse to believe you tried your best to write this. I refuse to believe you even used more than 15 minutes on this.
If you compare this to the fanfics considered to be 'good', you will hopefully see why.
I don't really like pointing out flaws, it makes me feel like I'm being mean. But hay, that's what comments are for! right?
Plus, I'm sure what I'm about to write has already been said, but anyway, I'll try to be constructive.
Punctuation! And lots of it. The sentences are very long and flow into each other to make things even harder to understand. Commas and fullstops by the bucket load are needed.
Paragraphs. This will just make it easier on the eye when reading. Also, you drop down a line for speech.
Speech isn't started with a semi-colon but with " " sandwiching the sentence. Also, adjectives would be nice to shpow emotions
Pacing, as well, is needed. At one point Fluttershy says that she doesn't like Rainbow Dash and then they're married with a kid in pretty much the next sentence.
But I must say, if written well, this idea might work. The whole Fluttershy disliking RD and then slowly comes around and sees the light about her feelings could work.
I would love it now if you went away and came back with a literary masterpiece of drama and romance.
So please, don't be disheartened, just keep up with the work and get some practicing and soon you will be a reknowned writer in no time!
Can't tell if trolling or stupid...
i not trolling
okay then:
chapter 1: I literally saw the first couple sentences and thought "k it's a fluttershyxRD love fic"
chapter 2: Something about Fluttershy and a storm
chapter 3: something else about weddings and Vinyl.
Overview: I'm not gonna rail on you hard since you're probably a new brony and if not, one of the youngest of our herd. But, ask around if you have trouble with grammar, once people see that you're new here, they can be GENERALLY helpful.
I'll drop a like to brighten your day though
HAVE A HAPPY TWILIGHT!
Ok I read it, and their was so many mistakes.
Here is some constrctive critcism and this is numero uno: before you even dive into a fanfic and before you submit, take your time to proofread as best you can otherwise....
thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_532/12826128126O1m2W.jpg
You get ripped on by bronies like that, you got potential, but you gotta proofread and fix mistakes before you submit and take the plunge.
For paragraphs, Dont make a wall of text, space them indent before you dive in so their isn't a giant wall greeting everyone. and like datdamnface said, ask around.
I am saying this to help ya bro, just to give you further advice on future fics.
this story really sucks
This chapter was made of one paragraph. That paragraph is comprised of three sentences. And that's only the tip of the iceberg. If you're trolling, and it's likely that you are because even first graders have better grammar than this, then great. If not, go back to first grade to see what you did wrong.
Uh, I've got nothing to say. I'll use this smiley to explain my reaction:
In all seriousness, don't give up just yet. I can see great potential in everyone, including you. Just make sure you proofread the story before sending it off, it'll help in the future. Trust me.
You need full stops, commas, paragraphs, and consistency. Everything seems to be somewhat off, but just ask around, ask for help, just keep trying. I don't want to see anypony fail at writing, just kep practicing, and you could do great.
You know, the chapters are to short not to mention that the authors note is like part of the story, put it in another lettertype.
Also did you use ANY uppercases or quotes?
And erhh.. your grammar can sometimes be bad..
My fanfics aren't good either but it's the least you could do.
Sorry for all the criticism but i really want to help you, not hurt you.
Other than that, keep going and improve anything you can. Never stop!
Oh and to all the other ppl who said he sucked at writing. Shut up please. If you would ever have so many comments about a single story insulting you about trolling, being an idiot... HOW WOULD YOU FEEL HUH? Shame on you siriously, so what he isn't the best writer (you do have to admit it though (sorry)), help him instead!
378408 People that can't write stories usually know it and don't do that. Simple.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2461_large.jpg
I did it first.
378408
Even if this weren't a troll, the fact of the matter is that a piece of horrible literature will get horrible responces. It's just as simple as that, and people should take it as a learning experience, even if they seem harsh. Opinions make up the world, and if people want to state an opinion that the writer may feel hurt over, then they should take that and try better. Yeah, let's just NOT say anything bad. I'm not condoning cruel remarks, but what I AM condoning is people flat out saying 'this sucks' and explain why, which most people here have done; relatively.
da fuk
stop spelling ponyville wrong.
send an email axing for help.
381128 "axing for help"? Like, with an axe?
377938 You said that you want to improve so i'm going to be blunt with you.
sorry if i was a bit rude
Ok first Fluttershy is one word.
The formating makes this hard to read at times especialy with talking. Ex: Your fic goes flutter she: i well trust you. rainbow dash: i love you!,
a normal fic would go:“Well...that was very, very...” Fluttershy begins quietly. “Awesome.” Rainbow Dash softly finishes the sentence with volume matching that of Fluttershy’s. “Yes.” The yellow coated pegasus speaks the word to match her dreamy gaze.(Chapter 4: Flutterdash.> Thank You Cider)
Your Tone is something that would greatly affect how people see this fic. When i read it you sound very bored.(It sounds like im reading it in a monotone robotic voice this could be just me though)
Pacing: In your fic you bounce from one point to another rapidly with nothing else in it. These ponies have lives. There is far more to the story than the main points so slow down and smell the roses.
The weather is not the only thing going on! I decided to look at the first chapter of your other fic and it started out the exact same way as 2 of these chapters. There are other things to talk about!
Also you do not have to say Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash every five seconds. It makes it hard to read and people already know what your talking about at some points. Try changing it up like the pink maned pegusi, or the rainbow colored pony.(I had this problem as well.)
Point blank the best way to learn is to read. Some stories that i would suggest are;
Thank you Cider, The walls came tumbling down, On the wings of love. They are all excelent Flutterdash's.
Hope this helped
Wow. I really wanna fix all of this.