This well be super long story so if you dont like that then dont read it may take a long time to make a chapter so yeah the pic is not mine and it has nothing to do with the story so hope you like it!
Chapters (3)
robotic pig
Joined 26th Mar, 2012 ·
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Oh. My. God.
just dont care about the big wall of text i fixed that in chapter 3 and dont wine about the bad grammer that was fixed in part 3 to just read the story be for you hate ok
Sir, I must ask you this: What grade of education do you have? I don't mean to insult you, but I'm in all honesty doing so. You cannot write, do not try to write until you can write a paragraph without spelling mistakes, or your story won't look good at all. This looks like a heap of words that make little sense and have little formatting of any kind.
380120
Yeah, no. It's impossible to read it in this form. I should know, I tried. Fix it up and then we'll talk story.
Da faq
Horrible. Utterly NO chance of improvement.
All my dislikes.
Dude... just give up. Go take some classes. Do something other than post on here.
i just told you it was fix in chapter 3 i know my grammer is bad you dont need to make fun of it!
as most other commenters have already established, it needs serious grammatical improvement. Not going to downrate it but you should consider working on it.
Well... This is certainly... unique, stylistically, I mean...
Oh Celestia, how did this pass the mods? Look, it would most definitely be in your best interests to read up on writing a bit more. Also, try to look around the fandom and test out other fics. Any type of practice and study will improve your writing greatly. Trust me. Writing is a wonderful hobby, but it's best practiced when it is very, very learned. I definitely speak from experience, and I would recommend for you to try looking elsewhere before publishing yourself.
Happy writing!
380120 OK... a couple problems.
1. There are so, so many problems with the sentences. No punctuation, no capitalization, and spelling errors EVERYWHERE.
2. The dialogue sounds worse than direct translation.
3. The chapters are way too short.
4. The formatting makes NO sense at all.
You need to know a lot more about writing before you write any fics.
Oh...
And you go in the comments and act like you've made no mistakes what-so-ever. Listen, if you aren't at the point where you can write a coherent chapter or description you shouldn't be posting your work online unless you want people to tear it to shreds. Practice writing some more and actually pay attention to critiques because they are friends, not enemies of a writer.
Your entire fic is incomprehensible. Take advice, learn from mistakes, and practice writing before you post in a public arena again.
You must be new here...
ok guys hungrybear and ryonne are the only peaple who didnt rant I GET MY GRAMMER SUCK'S I WELL MAKE IT BETTER JUST STOP!
straferight.com/forums/attachments/shooters/19692d1320857459-mw3-pc-release-not-sure-if-trolling-just-stupid.jpg
380189 yea i am new
i am making a new chapter right now
380225 OH PLEASE CELESTIA NO NOT A NEW CHAPTER.
Sir.... perhaps.... we can... "negotiate" this grammatical problem. I would be honored to, edit your story into something more readable.
lol yeah im a fellow righter too i mean mah friends sometimes dont like it and thay say: dude this is stupid but i still right caz its my pasiun i rly lik it im curentlee righting a new fic its caled epic battel
Ahem.
Sorry for being a douchebag, but seriously this is shit. Get a pre-reader by all means. I'm certain there's someone out there willing to edit this piece of balls and make it readable. Also, characters are fucking unrealistic as hell.
Please, please, please get a pre-reader, and then I will give this a thumbs up.
You have my word.
You can't even have adequate grammar on the bloody titles and description?
And the description doesn't tell anything about the fic.
Get the fuck out. Go somewhere where standards are lower.
And pay attention in your English class....
Seriously... Just... No.
Do you know how much hard drive space you're wasting? I'm guessing around 3MB. That is way more space then you deserve.
Bless my generous soul, if he accepts my help I am going to have a handful.
380267 YOu can't start a sentence with And.
i.imgur.com/Qzfv5.jpg
HEY give this guy a break, he worked hard on it, if you dident think it was good then just walk away dont be rude!
I support you dude
static.fjcdn.com/comments/Not+sure+if+trolling+_4661e3bca62855f90ca5d37d52e065bf.jpg
And you get ANOTHER thumb down.
Seriously, blast off outta here and only return when you can write something that doesn't look written by a chimpanzee on coffee.
Punctuation? Spaces?
380213 If you're trolling. You are doing a bloody good job.
If not, you are in dying need of a grammar check, telling us to what's going on, and good detail to the setting. I'm not "hating", this is me being honest because if you'll dismiss what people say to you without any good way to back it up, you're being downright ignorant. Find someone to help you or just practice some more on paper, it will help you a lot.
Um.
Okay. Because of the shitstorm of hate you've incurred, I'm going to be as civil as possible.
This story most definitely needs work. First, the basics. Grammar and punctuation are key to a successful story. Don't forget to put dialogue in quotation marks, and give each line it's own paragraph. Be sure to run your story through a spellchecker before you post- I know editing sucks but it does pay off in the end!
This story is fairly short, so I would lump all the parts together into one chapter. That will also make editing a lot easier. Finally, don't give up. The only way to get better is through lots and lots of practice. Try to keep what i've said in mind, go back and give this story some more polish.
Good luck!
I'm sorry but the only thing keeping me from the next chapter is basically everything everyone else said. (bad grammar, punctuation, spelling etc.) So I won't be ranting that. First your chapter titles.
the start of hell
the deadly dragon
monster from hell
Capitalization please.
The Start of Hell
The Deadly Dragon
Monster from Hell
That's how it should look. To improve from your current state you'd have to read! Read like no tomorrow! I'd suggest Relentless by Dean Koontz great book!
If you're still in elementary or middle school I'd suggest taking online classes or getting extra help from your English teacher.
After reading all the comments, I tried reading the story itself, and tried to be optimistic and give it a chance.
I barely made it past the first sentence, the second was just too much. Just...read a book or something and note all of the grammar and next time you try to write, make sure you implement that
People, if you can understand Shakespeare, you can understand anything.
380340
I can read Shakespeare, and thus I can read this. It just burns my eyes as I do so.
380340
Amen.
Not really actually. I can't make much sense of this story but I understand Shakespeare well.
I always was called a dictionary.
thunder seethe do you know how old i am
380391
No, nobody knows how old you are!
Mmmmmokay...
How old are you? If you're on the younger end of the scale (Elementary or Middle School) then I'd suggest you'd wait a few years before posting your writing on the internet. Unless you're some sort of prodigy, nothing good is really going to come from it at that age.
Edit: To clarify, I'm not saying you should quit writing. Definitely keep practicing because that's the only way you can get better! Just be a bit more careful about where you post your stuff.
i am 11 and i know you are going to hate more
Holy shit that was a hilarious story!!!
I was busting a gut the whole way through, fucking comedy gold my friend.
It went from twilight and rainbow dash fighting for no reason, to spike fighting twilight and rartiy, and then for some reason they had drugs and guns and bats and shit.
Thumbs up from me friend!
i.imgur.com/juB9d.gif
380425
Seriously, middle school was probably the time my writing improved the most.
In that case, I'd recommend you come back in a few years. You'd be surprised how much you can improve in such a short amount of time!
in the way you are saying i can't tell if you are making fun of me
380448
Who, me? No no, I'm genuinely trying to help. Sorry if I came across that way.
380454 I think he means hungrybear
380448
Trust me, she isn't. (I'll assume you're a girl Twinkie, just because Pinkie Pie is your avatar.) Middle school and high school are the times where your writing is going to improve immensely.
However, here's a few things for you to do just so you can get in the habit of it:
One, capitalize your i's when you're using the first first tense. I.E. I play, I jump, I am, etc.
Two, get in the habit of practicing grammar rules; trust me, it's going to help.
Three, study up on English mechanics whenever you can!
Four, text speak is a no no when you're writing a story. Unless you're writing a conversation that's going on in a text message session, you should never use text speak.
And the final thing is you should always read and write whenever you can; you can memorize grammar rules and vocabulary, but if you don't use it then it's all for nothing!
Welp, folks I managed to proofread his first chapter, here comes a major change.
380468
I'm not. I honestly thought the story was hilarious, even if that probably wasn't what he was aiming for, it had me laughing the whole read
Anyway....i can't repeat this enough...don't give up. Kid, listen to me, and listen to Twinkiespy. Keep trying, and keep practicing! Practice really does make perfect.
380448
If that's the case, then do come back in a few years. I'm only a freshman in high school (14) and I have a lot to work on too. I tend to rush A LOT in my stories. For you, you just need to practice organization. Write down ideas in a book, if you don't know certain concepts in writing or grammar, you can ask your English teacher if it's correct or not. Don't feel bad about it all. Just come back later and prove to us your improvement! Believe me. I wish I had started reading when I was told to by my dad.
380492 He should be posting his edited first chapter here soon.
380480 Fair enough. As long as you weren't saying that sarcastically, we're cool.
Kid, don't let the haters discourage you. You've got a long way to go, but with a lot of effort you can do it. Just don't give up.