Briefing Time
[A/N: Once again, let's have a round of applause for proofreader Biohazard. Biohazard really knows his science, so major props to him for ironing out my biology and physics mistakes in this chapter.]
Major Kaidan Alenko steeled his nerves. Okay, Kaidan. You know how this works. You're the stoic, dependable one. Nothing fazes you as long as Shepard is here. No matter what is out there, you have to to maintain that professionalism. He let out a quiet sigh, and turned to Shepard. To the untrained observer, Shepard looked ready for anything, but Kaidan knew better. Kaidan had served with Shepard on board the original SSV Normandy SR-1 back when he was a Lieutenant, and he could tell that Shepard was troubled. Kaidan could only guess what was going through his mind, but whatever it was; it had to be important.
Vega cleared his throat loudly causing both Shepard and Kaidan to jump. "Commander? I think that, uh, blue horse is, uh, waving us over," Vega said slowly and awkwardly.
Shepard looked down to see that the ramp had fully deployed, and right at the bottom was the same winged unicorn that had ambushed him in the elevator. "So she is. Let's move out," Shepard replied with a nod as he began to stride down the ramp. Tali set off alongside the Commander. Kaidan took a deep breath and stepped after the two of them with Vega dragging his heels behind him.
"We bid you welcome to this station, Shepard." the blue alicorn shouted to the approaching crewmen.
And so the games begin. "We are grateful for your hospitality, Princess," Shepard replied with a low bow.
Luna motioned as if to say something then stopped herself. Remember what Celestia said: "Treat them like foreign dignitaries." That meant show no weaknesses. Luna toned down her ecstatic smile. "Commander Shepard." She acknowledged him with a curt nod. "And I presume that these are three of your squad mates?"
Kaidan stepped forwards and bowed too. "It is an honour to meet you, Princess. My name is Kaidan Alenko, and I am a Major with the Systems Alliance Military."
Seeing her cue, Tali stepped forwards next. "I am Admiral Tali'Zorah nar Rayya vas Normandy with the Quarian Migrant Fleet."
Vega scratched the back of his neck as he felt four pairs of eyes turn to him. "I, uh, guess I'm next," he said with a nervous laugh. "I'm Lieutenant James Vega, also with the Systems Alliance Military. Uhh, very pleased to make your acquaintance, Ma'am." Vega held out his hand.
Luna stared at it expectantly for a few seconds before realisation suddenly dawned on her, and she hesitantly lifted up a hoof. Vega then realised how ridiculous he now looked. Both participants now understood that they'd passed the point of no return, so Vega scrunched up his fist and put it forwards. Luna touched his fist tentatively with her hoof and put on a smile.
"Whoa... you feel so real," Vega whispered.
Shepard stepped forwards and put a hand on Vega's shoulder. "If you don't mind me interrupting, Princess." Vega turned around to see the burning expression in Shepard's eyes, and took a few steps back. Shepard turned to face the Princess eye-to-eye. "We have landed at the station as agreed; now if you'd provide us with the scans."
Luna tore her blue orbs away from Vega's face, and met Shepherd's azure gaze. "If you would follow me," she said with a nod of her head.
Shepard shot Vega a rather dark look which Vega replied to with a shrug. Shepard then nudged his head towards Luna, and the four of them started to follow the alicorn. Shepard and Tali picked up the pace and took positions on either side of Luna. Kaidan and Vega hung back a bit.
Kaidan gave Vega a light push. "What were you thinking, James! You could have blown the whole damn mission!" Kaidan berated the marine as quietly as he could.
Vega replied with another shrug. "I'm sorry, Stiff, I just freaked."
"You had no idea how she would of reacted! And stop calling me Stiff!"
"Look, Stiff, I've never met a Princess before! How am I supposed to know what the damn protocol is!"
"You think any of us have either? You wouldn't shake hands with the Turian Primarch!"
Vega snorted a brief laugh. "Actually, me and Primarch Victus are pretty tight. I'm telling you, that guy is the kinda leader that the galaxy needs right now."
Kaidan let out a loud sigh as he put his hand to his face. "You know what I meant, Lieutenant!"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry about that, Stiff. This ain't exactly what I'm used to putting up with. I don't normally get dragged on diplomatic assignments. I mean, I've never even seen the Council first-hand. Add to that the fact that she's a freakin' horse..."
Kaidan instantly hushed Vega with a hand to his mouth. "If you don't stop badmouthing one of the leaders of an galactic power, then Shepard won't hesitate to send you stomping back to the ship. Just follow Shepard's lead, and we have the best chance of striking a deal." Kaidan removed his hand allowing Vega to take a big gulp of air. "You got me?"
Vega had to stop for a second to catch his breath. "I got you, Stiff," he eventually sputtered.
"And stop calling me Stiff!" Kaidan spun around and barked at Vega.
"Is everything okay, Major?" Shepard's voice froze the blood in Kaidan's veins.
"Everything's fine, Commander. Kaidan was just telling me about Ilos," Vega said smoothly.
"Carry on then, Major." Shepard turned back to Luna and Tali who seemed to be in deep conversation.
"This is a very interesting installation that you have here," Tali said. Her helmet made her face unreadable, but the tone in her voice seemed genuine.
"This station is one of the last relics of the Alicornian empire," Luna said with a mixed sense of pride and loss.
"What happened?"
"The Reapers happened," Luna said quietly, but also with a strong sense of finality.
"If you don't mind me asking, Princess: Why are the Alicornians not extinct? I mean, we discovered a similar set-up to this on Ilos. The Protheans had hidden a research facility, far from prying eyes, but they had all died long before we got there." Shepard rejoined the conversation at the front of the group.
"The Protheans fear of artificial intelligence is what led to their inevitable downfall. A virtual intelligence can only go so far. Millions of Alicornians may have died, but their memories and their experiences live on."
Shepard actually did a double take. "What?"
Luna's eyes went wide as she realised what she had just divulged. Oh no, Celestia is going to kill me! Quick! Change topic! Change topic! "So you believe that Cerberus is on Equus?" Luna asked quickly.
Shepard noticed a topic change when he heard one. He took a mental note of the conversation topic that had put Luna on edge, and tried to employ a switch-back. "Yes," Shepard said tersely.
"Is this organisation dangerous?" Luna stabbed out verbally again as she tried to deprive Shepard of an opening.
"Yes."
"So this organisation works for the Reapers?" Luna pushed again.
Damn. There's no way to respond to this vaguely... wait. "In a manner of speaking." Now don't press it, don't press it.
"What manner?" Luna asked innocently.
Argh! So close. Shepard held back a sigh as he replied. "They believe they can control the Reapers. However, their leader is probably one of their thralls.
"So it's already too late for them?" Luna asked.
"They incorporate Reaper technology into their bodies to make themselves stronger. They're a lost cause."
"Reaper technology? Surely that would just turn them into blind followers."
"They convert humans into a half-way state through careful implantation of cybernetics. It makes them stronger and faster than the average human, but also makes them much more pliable. They never question orders and show no mercy. However, different levels of operatives have different levels of cybernetics, but even the grunts are a force to be reckoned with."
"They sound it," Luna concluded. "But you think that we are harbouring them?" she then added in a slightly insulted manner.
"It may not be intentional, but we have short-range sensors on board our ship that are attuned to Cerberus signals. If you would allow us a brief window in which to scan your planet, then we can leave you alone."
"You must understand our hesitance to grant you assistance in this matter. Our planet is a well-guarded secret. We have maintained this veil of secrecy for the past fifty thousand years through diligence and careful management."
"So this planet is the last refuge of the Alicornians?" Tali piped up.
Luna turned away from Shepard to face the Quarian. "In a manner of speaking."
"What manner?" Vega interrupted from the back with a childish smile on his face.
"In the manner that..." Luna began before suddenly biting her tongue. "In a manner that is up to Celestia to discuss with you," she finished.
The group of five finally reached the end of the empty hangar bay, and Luna coated the door in blue light before pulling it open.
"You see that, Shepard, biotics," Kaidan whispered from right behind Shepard.
"I saw her use the same energy to make herself appear and disappear in the elevator," Shepard whispered back.
"I've never heard of biotic teleportation. The closest I've seen is the biotic charge."
Luna walked through the door first and stopped for a few seconds before shaking herself and striding forwards. Shepard followed her through and watched as two unicorns kneeled before their leader. One of the unicorns was clover green and the other a bright red. He noted that both of them had the same symbol emblazoned on their rear, a picture of some kind of sword-like weapons crossed with a unicorn's horn and that neither of them had wings. Both were as naked as their princess, but had a pair of small shoulder mounted cannons that instantly trained on the Normandy crew members as they entered.
"At ease, guardsponies!" Luna shouted in a deafeningly loud, but definitely authoritative, tone.
"Yes, Ma'am," the guards said in unison as they relaxed their legs and retracted their cannons.
Shepard gave Luna an appreciative nod of his head, and moved to follow the Princess. The white corridors from that point forward were filled with ponies rushing this way and that. A pair of guards stood at attention next to every door the group passed. Between the doors was filled with ponies of all colours and combinations. Shepard noted that some of them had horns, some had wings, and some had neither; but none of them had both wings and a horn besides Luna. On their rears were distinct markings that Shepard realised corresponded with their jobs. All the unicorn guards had the same marks as the first two guards, winged guards had a wing crossed with a sword, and normal guards had two crossed swords. A lot of the ones ferrying papers had a square sheet of A4 with a picture of their specialisation: scientists had a conical flask, technicians had a wrench, and administrators had a pencil; whether or not they had horns or wings didn't seem to matter. Having garnered as much information as he could from looking, he decided to press the Princess for some additional information.
"If you don't mind me asking, Princess. What is with the marks that you wear on your rears?" Shepard asked.
"On our flanks we all bear the mark of duty. All Alicornians discover their true calling at a young age, and are trained by the way their marks materialise. I'm sure you've noticed patterns in the ponies present," Luna replied without turning around.
"So this is decided by birth?"
"No, this is developed when an Alicornian discovers their true calling. The normally materialise at a young age of between eight and twelve, but extreme cases have seen ponies up to eighteen with blank flanks."
"Is the mark organic?"
"We are here," Luna said as she suddenly stopped. The door looked slightly larger than the others and was flanked by four guards of varying colours and features. One of them appeared to have a trim moustache which raised a few more questions in Shepard's head.
"Princess Celestia is waiting for you inside," the moustachioed guardspony said politely as he pulled open the door with a hoof.
Luna strutted in, stretching out her neck to make herself seem taller. Shepard and the other three followed her in. The room was filled with the thrum of activity as ponies ran to and fro with piles of documents. Computerised stations had unicorns plugged into them, their hooves occasionally scribbling a note down to be passed down the line.
Shepard couldn't help but notice that a particular part of the room was brighter than the rest. Sat at the head of a table that seemed to double as a computer was another alicorn, but this one was twice the height of Luna. Her long, slender neck reminded him of a swan, especially when coupled with her mascaraed purple eyes. Her mane was somehow flowing despite the lack of a breeze, and managing to stay as ordered rows of soft, pastel colours. Atop her head sat a tiara of gold with a large purple gem sat in the centre. Her face was graced with a smile that felt as warm as the sun.
"Welcome, Commander Shepard, to the command centre," Celestia announced loudly.
"Princess, I am here to..." Shepard began.
"...Ask for permission to scan my planet," Celestia finished with a knowing smirk. Shepard began to sweat under his collar. "And so you shall." Shepard sighed with relief. "However, Cadence has informed me that you are in need of something called the "Catalyst."
Shepard coudn't help but jump at that. "You have information referring to the Catalyst?" he managed to blurt before his brain caught up with his mouth.
Celestia smiled. All the cards were in her hooves now. Shepard just had to hope that he liked his hand. "Has Luna told you much about the Alicornian empire?"
"I have not, sister. I assumed that if you wanted them to know, then you would tell them."
"I wouldn't have minded if you'd told them, dear sister, but I'm glad you respected my wishes." Celestia returned with a smile to her sister. "If all of you would gather around the holographic display, then the computer can recount a brief timeline."
Vega groaned. "A history lesson! Really?" he voiced his disappointment and earned himself a swift elbow to the gut from Kaidan.
Celestia's eye's narrowed briefly at the petulant marine, but switched back again as she turned to the table. The table was simply a flat rectangular glass table, but the glass was actually lots of small projectors. They lit up as they created small motes of light that formed into alicorns. More lights moulded into tall metal spires as a small city formed beneath them. "It all started when a race of equine beings discovered an old facility orbiting their sun. The station had an ancient computer system that contained enough information for us to take to the stars. The cycle was still relatively young at the time, the only real contact we had was with the Protheans who had discovered the Citadel."
The buildings merged together to form a massive centre of learning. Alicorns stood around outside along with Protheans and a few aliens that Shepard didn't recognise. "Now, even the Protheans respected Alicornian scientists. Our studies of physics, biology and chemistry quickly brought us to the forefront of the galactic world. All kinds of private companies would approach Alicornians fresh out of school and whisk them across the galaxy.
The lights rearranged again into a large image of a male alicorn that rotated around in front of them. "Alicornians are not naturally sensitive to magic, or "biotics" as you call them. One of our greatest discoveries was how to use the then defunct horn on our heads to act as conduits for element zero." The image rotated again and zoomed in on the head that now changed to an X-ray image. "Attempted exposure to pure element zero, even in trace amounts, proved devastating to our immune systems. It was then that Faust came to the fore. She had been on several scientific teams before, but she discovered that element zero could be safely encased in a protein shell, shielding the body from the cellular degradation that pure eezo caused. She discovered that the new protein, which she dubbed EzHAT, only needed two modified genes as it could use preexisting regulators. In order to demonstrate this, she tested on herself and was the first alicorn to ever perform magic." The display was now showing complicated chemical formulae and three dimensional protein structures.
"As fascinating as this is, Princess. We don't have time to comb through your famous figures. Perhaps once the Reapers have been defeated, we can return and you can tell us all about your history," Shepard interrupted.
"I was getting to that," Celestia snapped back irately. The display changed to a large picture of a light cream alicorn with a long auburn mane. Her horn seemed especially long and sharp, and she looked to be as tall, if not taller, than Celestia. "Faust's experiments had an unintentional side effect, immortality. Constant regeneration meant that when an alicorn got the treatment, they stopped ageing. The research could have made us the strongest race in the galaxy, but then our top archaeologists uncovered a warning about the Reapers."
The screen went black and then replaced itself with the city from the start, but now everything was on fire. Reapers ships descended upon the small city of light, felling buildings as they released wave upon wave of twisted beasts that Shepard assumed must have once been sentient lifeforms. Explosions and gunfire shot from the speakers. "Fast forward fifty years and the Reapers arrived. Faust and the best of our surviving scientists were employed by the Protheans to help them destroy the Reapers. This Crucible project took the best of our best." The table image blinked again to something that Shepard instantly recognised.
"The Crucible project; these blueprints are the same as the ones we found in the Prothean archives," Shepard muttered absent-mindedly.
Celestia continued unabated. "The remaining Alicornians set about securing our future. Many enlisted to serve with the navy and were shipped out to hold back the Reaper scourge. Others scattered throughout the galaxy to try and establish a contingency plan. This station was where Luna and I headed. This station here was part of the contingency plan."
The table changed image again as it switched to an image of the station, which then panned in and switched to the command room. "One thing we underestimated was the extent of the indoctrination. The Crucible project was crushed from within. Many of the researchers were killed, but Faust managed to escape. This station was her pet project, so she headed here to take command of the contingency plan. When she arrived, she found that the station had been vented. Indoctrinated individuals had opened the station to the cold of space and killed everypony on board. Everypony but Luna and I who had been fortunate enough to have been collecting samples from the planet below."
Three figures of light flickered into being in the command centre. "Three immortals, all female, we had no choice but to try our hoof at cloning. Fast forwards a few millennia, and we finally managed to create an actual, living, breathing pony. Over this time we also set about taming the planet. The planet Equus would have been a perfect garden world, if it wasn't for its unusual rotation. We rectified that. We constructed a facility on the largest volcano on the planet and set to correcting it's spin. It took a lot of energy and time, but we eventually managed it. The best part is that we can now change the rotational speed at our leisure. We brought some samples of fauna from our homeworld out of cold storage, and slowly set up the ecosystem. We guided them into the formation of a Monarchy, where Faust took the throne. We helped as her Princesses. Due to the extensive genetic manipulation that we had gone through, we no longer had a pure Alicornian DNA strand. These ponies aren't true Alicornians as a result. Equestrians either have wings, a horn or neither, although all have ezero in their bodies."
The table image changed to a picture of a very sleek looking white ship. "After a thousand years of peace, Faust realised that we weren't needed any more, and set off to see if any other station had had success. She took the ship that brought her here, the large Alicornian frigate shown here, and left us in charge of the planet. This was three thousand years ago, and we haven't seen her since."
Shepard waited a few seconds to see if Celestia would continue. "So, you know of the Catalyst?"
"Not personally, no. But Faust worked on the original Crucible project. If anypony will know what the Catalyst is, it's her." Celestia replied.
Shepard puzzled over this for a few seconds, but then all the pieces fell into place. "You want us to find this Faust."
"Exactly. If you can bring her back here, then Equestria will regain the leader it richly deserves, and she can tell you where the catalyst is."
"Hold on, Commander. She just said three thousand years! There's every chance that she's dead by now!" Vega shouted angrily.
"She is not dead!" Celestia screamed angrily.
"She was sending us yearly updates until five years ago," Luna piped up, seeing her sister seething with anger. "Her last report pegged her as being in the Attican Traverse. We have all the available information and will send it to your AI. Her ship was created with the same technology as the defence network for this station. You should detect it emanating the same signal as the planet is."
"This war is approaching crunch time. I'm sure you can recognise how important time is. The Attican Traverse is a huge area, and its not even properly defined. I'm not sure we'll be able to find her. We're just one ship."
"You will not be going alone," Celestia spoke up again.
Shepard shook his head, "You still don't trust us, do you?"
"I have six ponies that are prime examples of what Equestria has to offer. They should be a great asset to you in this brief mission. It will also allow you to ascertain how effective they are as a military unit. If you do this task for us, then we will help against the Reapers with every resource we have."
"Sister, you can't be serious. Equestria isn't ready for war!"
"We can't let six members of a pre-space flight species join on an intergalactic journey," Shepard argued.
"Shepard, a race of biotics would be a massive boon to the war effort, even in support roles," Kaidan weighed in.
"Please, Shepard. My ponies will ascertain that you tried your best. Even if you fail, so long as the ponies can confirm you tried everything in your power, we will still help with the war effort. We still have some military equipment, but not much." Celestia begged.
"We secured a large number of Volus fabrication units, Shepard. As long as we have one working model, I'm sure we can replicate it," Tali added.
What the hell. Even if I fail, I'll have gained a new fleet. "I accept. Send all the relevant files to EDI. We're heading back to the ship."
"Cadence will fetch you when I've prepared the six specialists," Celestia said with a wave of her hoof.
"Thank you, Shepard," Luna said softly as the four crew members headed back to the Normandy.
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Intriguing...like the science here.
Now I need to finish ME3 so I can see how bad it really is...
BTW: FIRST!
Pinkie Pie in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
FREAKING SECOND.
509655 Biohazard was a very big help with the science. If he hadn't have taken a look through first, then Celestia would be controlling the sun through an inverse gravity well. (Which I'm not sure even exist.) He also named the enzyme and made it all science-y. The ending was not good, as I'm sure you've heard, but I think that the majority of the game makes up for it. If the journey was absolutely great up until the last leg, was the whole journey pointless?
510568 Soon.
510934 Nuh-uh, please try again. Thanks for reading, I left some comments on your story. Most of them were grammatical tips that I learned the hard way. If you need extra help then head on over to the Ponychan writer's training grounds: http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/97756.html is the current version. The reviewers and pre-readers there really helped me.
511386 'tis a pity. No Krogans on board, but that doesn't mean we're not going to see any.
511840 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKmZFPvs-zw
511844 Gotta go. Here come the space cops.
The mane 6 in space. Awesome.
Hmmm a couple of things.
It seems the alicornians are far more advanced than the protheans which makes it a little hard to swallow to me. their holograms for example can fool the crew, while the prothean's holograms can clearly e identified at such. The level of power of their biotics is too big if we are going with them being biotics and not magic. I mean, the protean modified the asari to be powerful biotics and they can't do a lot of things the alicorns can, like surviving in space and beating a star ship in a race. It's just too much. Take into consideration the amount of energy that would require and the size of a princess. Biotic specialists require a lot of calories just to have the energy to do battle in the ground. Imagine the amount of energy it require to travel to space, phase into an starship and beat it in a race to the moon?
Apparently their technology is plug and play since they can just connect to the Normandy's database with no compatibility problem, though that can be explained if they are using salvaged tech from pirate ships.
3 Alicorns created a device that can control the rotation of a planet? I think that's too much. I would just change the reasons of why the govern.
Since this is a universe govern by science things like Nightmare moon and Discord have no place in here so a lot of the backstory will change.
Celestia seems more aggressive and out of character, I would expect her to be more reasonable. And Shepard seems too nervous for a guy that have confronted the council and reapers face to face.
Sending the mane 6 six will require a better explanation too. It's a really important mission with galactic consecutive. Sending a baker, a farmer, a fashion designer, a librarian, a veterinarian and a weather pony makes it seems like Celestia is not taking it seriously. The mane 6 seeing what the reapers can do to other races can be traumatizing and you have to take into account their reactions to being lied by Celestia about their species. It's not something that just be shrugged. "Hey girls turns out you are my lab project and and I'm sending you with this aliens to the other side of the galaxy in middle of galactic extinction to rescue an alicorn scientist." Having them just accept that would be poor writing so it's something to take into account.
I would expect her to send some of the royal guard. The only reason the mane 6 are called by her is because the Elements of Harmony. Since they have no place on this quest I don't see why she would risk them. The elements would require and explanations for their roles since as I said there is no magic, just some god-class biotics so the whole magic of friendship really has no place here.
And please no Fluttershy staring a reaper, that's just silly. People really like to exaggerate that power.
590609 Hey there Natzo. I am currently busy with revision and other projects but I will get back to this eventually. Anyway your concerns are all quite reasonable considering what I've written here. By trying to explain everything, I've left myself no wiggle room for this kind of stuff. In the original draft, which still requires some adaptation, Celestia and Luna were artificial intelligences themselves and their bodies were simply platforms. I have scrapped that idea due to the inherent incredulity of the matter. Luna's speed is purely biotic, as is her ability to breathe in space. Biotics get stronger as the individual ages and learns to control it, hence the Asari Matriarchs powers, so a logical assumption would be that millennia of focus and knowledge would gift these alicorns with abilities that seem impossible.
I'm going with the idea that Protheans were the Krogan/Turians of the last cycle: a powerful war-like race that focused on subjugating/destroying everyone they come across. As such there technology, while still undoubtedly advanced, would still appear rough and simplistic to the Asari of that cycle, which is what I imagine the Alicornians to be. As they were a very scientific and humanitarian race, their military tech will be lacking but their other tech wouldn't be. Due to this induced immortality, every individual would be able to transcend their field of study and become fonts of knowledge in their respective fields. Add to that the fact that three scientists managed to continue working for longer than the races were space worthy. The only real concern is the fact that they didn't go mad.
I had hoped to explain certain magical phenomenon using science, but I still can't think of anything for Discord. Nightmare Moon was simply a rogue Luna. When Luna realised that Celestia would never release the ponies from her control she prepared for war. Celestia sealed her inside the base with a time lock while she created six ponies that would be able to "recover" Luna from her "curse". Celestia is massively OOC, I know. I need her to be in order for this to work. If she were agreeable and welcoming, then why weren't they known to the Citadel? First I've heard of Shepard being OOC, but then that might be due to just how I imagine my version of Shepard.
The Royal Guard would probably be less useful in this scenario actually. Rigid training and comparatively limited loyalty would not make them particularly adaptable. While certain characters are less suited than others, *cough* Fluttershy *cough, the point really is to prove to Shepard that they are useful. The reason they are Elements is because they are the crème de la crème of ponies genetically. Superior genes lead to heightened abilities. I briefly considered keeping the Elements themselves as weapons, but that in itself was a ridiculous idea. I won't give them any ridiculous superpowers, but Twilight is still an absurdly powerful biotic. I'm not going to have Celestia tell the Mane Six everything. She needs them in tip-top fighting shape, so i would be counter-productive to drop a bomb like this on them. She'll tell them what they need to know, and that alone.
I hope this cleared up at least some of those problems. If any are still wholly relevant, then I'll make sure to flag them and try and overcome them. Thank you for taking the time to comment in such detail.
590936 It's fun analyzing story points. This is the main problem when trying to do a universe in which the ponies are part of a bigger universe, like various alien races. Why only the ponies can use magic for example? Magic is always portrayed as overpowered, so trying to include science and tech is normally a problem. Personally I like the approach fables has to this. Tech beats magic duo that anyone can use it, guns are faster than spellcasting, plastic explosives are versatile etc. I would still lower the power level of their biotics. Maybe having Luna use armor when she teleports, though it still feels like you're using "Biotics can do anything". As I said remember they require energy. Beating a starship might be too much, even with 50,000 years there should be a limit.
I would recommend having a point in the story in which the main 6 personalities jeopardize the mission, since some can be too trusting and naive, like Pinkie and Fluttershy. I wouldn't be surprised if Shepard snapped at them and made them understand that this is not one of their "silly adventures" and that millions are dying for it to be jeopardized by them. I mean, the main 6 are not warriors, they only beat Discord, NMM and Chrysalis (ok this was Cadance and SA) because of their hubris. People like Cerberus would have no problem killing them immediately if they posed a threat. Maybe one of them dying for them to understand the score.
I mean the galaxy is peril and Celestia gives them children, not even soldiers.
I personally would think the crew won't be too happy with them asking questions and being annoying. They are military professionals and I doubt they will have the patience for Pinkie or trying to explain things to a farmer that bucks trees. Maybe even Shepard calling Celestia out for their inactivity.
Though like with my thoughts of the Raloi, I don't think the Reapers would have ignored the ponies in this cycle. They will clearly see they are related to the alicorns and eliminate any threat. Is not like the ponies can hide the defense network and their whole garden world this time. If the reapers win they take the time to sweep thoroughly.
As for genetics, remember that Metal Gear and Miranda thought us that genetics don't make the soldier. Miranda admits that for all her genes, Shepard is still better.
Also, no Javik? It would be interesting to see the 2 remnants of the previous cycle interacting and how they see each other.
590980 Didn't shell out for the Javik DLC and didn't get the special edition. I could attempt to write him in based on what I've seen on YouTube and read on the Wiki, but as a character he seems very... odd, like the sort of character that would be hard to write for even if I had first hand experience of his actions. Yes, I would agree that this is probably the perfect scenario for him, but I don't think I could do him justice.
Maybe I do still have Luna and Celestia as ridiculously OP. It would be... difficult to tone them down without completely removing certain scenes. Hang on, perhaps the Luna they pursue is simply a holographic projection? That makes more sense, all things considered. I think I'll keep in the stasis bubble and the teleportation though, they have been proven to actually be possible for biotics. I didn't want magic to be underpowered though. That's the problem. It needs to be on par with technology which can create some problems, as you can imagine. In an ideal world, I'd have Twilight Sparkle and Kaidan Alenko as a match for power. The magical advantages posed by Twilight being matched by Kaidan's technology. Of course, this is hard.
The point about their naivety is a very good one actually, I think I may have to present a scenario in which that happens, probably with Pinkie. I think killing one of them off might be going too far, although I don't know. Some people don't like killing off a main character like that, others think it silly to have them untouchable. I will muse on that point. I know this is probably the wrong way to take it, but the Mane Six did better against the Changelings than the entirety of the Royal Guard. Celestia may be testing Twilight and her pals as much as she is testing Shepard. Genetics do make an important base though. Besides, Shepard is half robot pretty much, of course Miranda can't beat that. A cyborg Miranda though would be unstoppable.
Had to look up the Raloi there. I guess I'm not as big a Mass Effect geek as I thought I was.
Still it had to work to some degree. The Asari worship a Prothean who helped unite the tribes, right? Tribes being the key word there. It's only a few thousand years between tribes and kingdoms. I think that the Reapers would ignore the garden world, the space station is another matter. They did ignore the Prothean research station on Ilos though, so they can't detect all technology.
591403 I think the hologram could work, though the super realistic construct seems to push it a little, though it's passable. Illos was destroyed an resettled later, as part of various projects that remained unknown to each other.
I would put Twilight on part maybe with Kaidan or a Maiden Asari. She might have the potential but her studies are not combat oriented. Ponies seems to be the size of a volus if I were to guess. This comes from a comparison of sizes in the show. Take that into account during battle scenes and scenes of strength.
Remember you're throwing characters from a very peaceful world into a galaxy with very different cultures and things like slavery, drugs, war and prostitution. Remember what Garrus said about children, the ponies are pretty much that. They might think because they "beat" NMM, depending on how you play it, they are tough. I would put things like Dragons and such being designed by the alicorns to not harm ponies to justify Fluttershy making one go away. I doubt a Threwser maw will listen to her.
Also, pretty much every species is descendant from predators and they are the apex predators of their planets, so they will probably clash with the grass munchers.
If you want more tips or something feel free to ask, I like coming up with this ideas.
The beauty of a story is in the details.
591553 Thanks, I'll have to keep that in mind. If I run into any more problems during planning, I'll be sure to message you. Thank you for being so delightfully informative. Besides the fact that I'm currently juggling two other stories and a ton of revision, this next chapter was proving difficult to write. It's hard to get realistic reactions. Some characters are pretty transparent on the matter: Tali'll definitely love them, Liara will want to study them, Vega will probably just get annoyed. Others not so much.
I was debating doing the usual "pairing" method. Shepard and Twilight, Vega and Dash, Kaidan and Applejack, Fluttershy and Tali all kinda work. Pinkie/Rarity and Garrus, not so much. Maybe Garrus and Dash, Pinkie and Vega? Possibilities. No real match for Rarity though. EDI might just cut it. I don't know. It's all just a distraction I do not need right now. After I crank out a H:CE update, I want to do Chapter 2 for the Invisible War (This is just a coat of paint on an old chapter so shouldn't take long) then I can focus on a final Mass Effect update before Exam blackout time.
Elcor are most likely herbivorous, probably Hanar too. Not all Council Races are carnivores, just the bipedal ones. The galaxy is harsh, yes, but if Shepard and his crew can pull through almost every fight, so can the ponies. I simply have to put them on Omega at some point, that will be fun.
591709 Well omega is under Cerberus control right now, and Shepard has yet to find their base. Vega with Pinkie maybe.
The crew can pull through every fight because most have military background, have knowledge of how things work since they grew up in this environment and have been fighting the reapers for years. The ponies kick trees, though the Ursa major was impressive, I wouldn't include such being in the story, they look silly. Still I would think Celestia adapted the animal to not harm ponies. Hanar are carnivorous, thane mention they are unparalleled hunters underwater. The elcor could be anything from carnivorous to omnivorous, since their mouth are weird and it's hard to see. They are slow only because of the high gravity of Dekunna, their strength might make them great hunters.
This brings another interesting thing. How alicorns evolved. Since they didn't had biotics/magic, are herbivores and as such are prey, and have no manipulator limbs like hands or claws (even the elcor and hanar can use their limbs to manipulate objects), it makes you wonder how they evolved. Were they uplifted? Personally I wouldn't see the pony/alicorn army as powerful. And since it seems biotics are necessary for flight, were did they get their wings? As product of genetic modification?
You don't have to address it in the story, but you could add a "codex entry" at the end of each chapter to enrich the story.
591807 Twilight is a quick thinker and a problem solver (Like Shepard). Rainbow Dash isn't afraid to put herself in harm's way, and would charge an enemy no matter the odds (Grunt). Applejack is dependable and always willing to give her all (Garrus). I'm sure I could draw more parallels if I have to. They all have the potential to be strong. Sure they're probably going to be pretty soft at the start, but they can harden and adapt. Besides, Tali had no military training and she's been in all three games. I can see that they're not the best candidates, not by a long shot, but it's that or OCs. I think I'd rather have the Mane Six than some OCs, wouldn't you?
That certainly is interesting. It might be worth considering that Griffons are the apex predators of the planet (barring dragons, of course.) Alicornians would have made very easy prey. Then again so did humans before we got smart. It may have just been a case of the biggest brain wins. Biotics are only used for Pony flight. Alicornians have much better proportioned wings, don't you think? I'm thinking they were capable of realistic flight. You can speculate all you want however. I personally don't have a clue. The codex thing sounds like a good idea. Maybe I'll have Twilight keep her own codex where she explores human concepts, and later on Liara could have some dossiers.
591896 Well, humans are pack hunters, use resistance hunt to tire the prey until they die, use tools and have hands so it's not the same. Though I don't think you can count gryphons since this was a random world selected to introduce a clone population. I don't think evolution counts here. Maybe the alicorn's homeworld has lower gravity and an atmosphere that allows flight. Maybe hollow bones and lesser muscle, making them lean and fast. That's the justification for Angel in X-men at least. Though his wings are much much bigger and his body I dare say is smaller and more fit to fly. I would omit weather manipulation and cloud walking, justifying those with biotics and using them later in the story might prove bothersome. After all this is an AU.
Tali still knew that the galaxy was not a nice place, knew how to contact the shadow broker, knew not to trust the mercenaries, and hold her own from assassins. She was not naive, as the flotilla gives them training for their pilgrimage. Though their personalities are "similar" I don't think they can just jump into the fray until later in the story. Maybe not kill, but have someone get badly hurt for the naive viewpoint. Maybe Fluttershy tries to reason with cerberus or a varren and it ends up putting someone in their team in danger. Or Dash being rash and jumping into danger. ...Or pinkie throwing a Cerberus party or trying to befriend a banshee. I certainly doubt "the magic of friendship" will work outside Equus. We pretty much just got people to stop killing each other in the game, the turians and krogan are certainly no friends, and I doubt a talking unicorn will convince them otherwise. Shepard at least has pull with their goverments.
I certainly don't think Dash is similar to Grunt. She is hardheaded, but Grunt is a guy that laughs when he rams a knife into someone's spine.
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Funny thing I read. While still predators, the krogan have the eyes in the sides for better vision against predators, a trait shared with the ponies(equines) and other prey animals. That mean the krogan were prey in Tuchanka for most of their evolution. The elcor, volus and the humanoid aliens have eyes towards the front, a predator trait.
Woah, sh*t! I wish I'd seen this earlier!
I can't wait to read more! (Hopefully not a the cost of H:CE, though...)
This is really good, Cainiam! Far better than that "Magic Effect" story I read a while back.
511844 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
Haha, magic is actually biotics. That kinda' kicks ass.
I gotta say, I'm loving this. The whole "Luna and Celestia are actually survivors of an ancient technological race who survived the Reapers" is a LITTLE hokey to me, but I can forgive it for just how well done the Mass Effect bits are. The dialogue sounds right, the characters sound right, the techno-babble sounds perfect. I especially love how you pick apart Shepherd's interactions with Luna and Celestia like they're a careful game of chess, in which every word or reaction determines the "victor". A lot of people would've just focused on the action-y elements of the series, but making it a point to capture the soul of the Mass Effect conversation —HALF of what Mass Effect IS— creates such an air of authenticity that you constantly have my undivided attention.
I eagerly await further installments
I think I can speak for a large amount of us.
MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
1084228
Agreed.
590936
I agree with everything you said, especially the part about Shepard being Out Off Character (is that what OOC means?). Last time I checked Shepard can be anyone. He may have the default face (does he?) but the persona of your choosing, Right?
I love that part when Luna and Shepard were playing the game of wits: Funny :) Insta-fav!
You know the universe has gone to shit when the ponies get advanced tech
591896 i hope u choose to continue this story im getting so excited
3957712 "Track button" used to be it's own thing in FIMfic's version history.
It has since been merged with the favorite button (the star to the right of the title).
From then on, if the story updates, you will see a number appear on your dashboard under the site banner. It's the button with the star on it (see the correlation?).
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3957805 Thanks for the help :D