• Member Since 8th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 14th, 2014

BroSteve


T

Under the ocean so blue.

Years have gone by, and Twilight Sparkle still lived with the haunting memories of that horrid night. She knew she had to get away, even if it meant leaving everypony behind. She was better off escaping.. right? She reached over and grabbed a photograph of two unicorn ponies with a small purple filly in-between them..

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 76 )

Hey man, solid job here. It's a little early to make any real criticisms on the writing or plot, but I hope you develop it more as you go. I hope you deviate from the story a little more as well, since if you just rewrite Bioshock it could get boring. The double use of "abyss" was a little awkward, and there were a couple minor spelling errors, but other than that, grammar was fine. I'll be checking this from now on, keep at it!

Not a bad first chapter.
A word of advice, make sure the entire story is completely planned before submitting it somewhere. I mean down to the final scene. Trust me when I say it's extremely easy to write yourself into a corner if you don't plan ahead.
Nevertheless, I look forward to seeing more! :)
(Also, was this inspired in any way by Fallout: Equestria?)

nice work but it feels strange to be reading a bioshock fic without jack in it.

Color me interested, I will definitely be looking forward to what happens in the rest of the story.

60782
I'd have to agree with you there. I can't tell you how terrible it is to have a deadline you want to meet, then because you didn't plan, there's no easy way out. You have to re-write a lot then, and it sucks...

60708
Definitely taking that advice. I knew I wanted to deviate from the story,but I feel as if the beginning is the only part I really want to keep like the original story. Thank you for the advice!

60782
This. Haha. I have a general idea and some stuff written down on paper for where I want this to go. I'm gonna really take this advice though and start planning it out better. This is my FIRST fan fic though, so :p sorry if I mess it up :(. Thanks for the advice sir!

60892
xD why thank you sir.

60929
Should have made it Jack.. as a pony.. xD :derpytongue2:

61084
Thanks for showing interest :3 <3

Thanks to everyone who has started watching this, and has posted something to help me out! As I said, it's my first, but I'm trying for you guys :twilightsmile:

.......hm.
How very very peculiar.... peculiar indeed....
I dare say, even having been through the first game twice now, this is quite refreshing....
Though, I have to point out: when she reaches the monolith, shouldn't she be going down the stairs, rather than up?
Minor point aside, I think I'm intrigued!
Ciao... and I hope for more.
- Ohm Macre

61234
Haha, just looked that up myself. It's a done deal. Thank you, bro! :pinkiesmile:

61237
Haha, didn't even catch that, thanks!

YES:flutterrage: YES:flutterrage: YES:flutterrage: MORE:flutterrage: HARDER:flutterrage: FASTER:flutterrage: STONGER:flutterrage:. What I mean is yes. Yes you just earned a new tracker.

"'No,' says the stallion in Manehatten, 'it belongs to everyone.'"
Might I suggest changing Manehattan to Stalliongrad? Since the real Stalingrad is more closely related to communism than the real Manhattan.
That aside, excellent new chapter. From the attention this is getting, you might want to ask some of the readers to be your prereaders and/or editors.
Keep it up! :)

61352
Hmm, maybe. How big are you estimating the story to be?

61537
I don't know exactly. I suppose as long as it takes to get a good story across.

I agree with 65245, it's getting very good. I await.

who is this Iron sight fella'h? Wanna know more. Tracking:moustache:

It was baron, desolate and a disaster.
Baron ought to be barren...
Just.... wanted to point that out. Don't mind me... I'll... be back in my corner.......

71743
Haha, alright.....
....back to the corner I go.....

Dr. Skitz sound like a even more psychopatic version of Dr. Rictofen :fluttershysad:

Holy crap this fic is well written. Keep up the good work BroSteve, I'm enjoying this.

would you kindly write this stuff faster, mah friend?

Nice job, this is not only great practice for your writing skills, but its midly entertaining.

First impressions : Twilight is in OUR bioshock universe, She wakes up there and quickly realizes her
situation and dose whatever she can to get back to her friends.

Theory 2 : She is in THEIR bioshock universe, and everything she encounters is of your own
imaginations or slightly altered from the original plot of the first or second game.

Hoping for theory 1, Lets see if im disappointed or not.

WE HAVE A STORY SIGN

cheers
~iraqlobstah

This is a great story and I can relive the great memories (more like shocked and appalled) that I had on Bioshock, but now with PONIES! :pinkiegasp:

139875
I'd like to think of it as a mix :3.

I love bioshock, ponies and gore. And this my friend.....Is magic! 5 stars for you :pinkiehappy:

141787
I'm glad you enjoyed it :D <3

I like this story. It keeps me well on edge.

Well then again I never played Bioshock (and from the descriptions given here I don't think I ever will) so I don't know what to expect. All I can say is, you are great at keeping Twilight in character.

SteveBro! BroSteve! However the hell you go by! I love this story to death, because not only do I have the imagination to think what is happening as I read, but BioShock is fresh in mind so I can COMPLETELY see what's going on! :D
Please don't stop the gravy train which is this story! ;3

"The Stable is not some sort of Rapture", oh I see what you did there. :derpyderp1:

No questions asked, insta-like due to that it has the bioshock storyline in it. :twilightsmile:

Okay. Instead of Rapture, it's The Stable.

It's been a year. Where's chapter 8? :rainbowhuh:

This is a very intresting story... Now would you kindly finish it.

Also 50th comment Awww Yeah !

4648013 Holy crap that is a late response... So you are working on it now?

4648050
Sorry! Two years later basically.. yeah I'm starting it tonight. Not sure exactly when it'll be up. I am most definitely rusty with my writing :facehoof: So I'm hoping in a week or so!

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