• Member Since 30th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Evident Disaster


T

The Arcturus Fleet under the command of a newly promoted General Carter is stranded with elements of the Atlantis Expedition in another reality when they escape narrowly from a Wraith ambush. The fleet of Arcturus now searches for a means to return to their own reality, but while they do so, they discover a world where magic and talking creatures similar to ponies exist.
With the magic of friendship, can first contact be achieved?

PS: I have decided to go with anthro, please review and tell me if I should go to normal pony based fic.
Also credit to the artist for the cover is jonathanp45 on Deviantart.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 44 )

Here's the thing about this story I have yet to read: Knowing the Star Gate SG-1 guys, they'd likely pull something like this off with the help of Rodney from the Atlantis Expedition, much to a begrudging Samantha Carter. God I love being a geek sometimes.

3523368
Ah good to hear from a fellow geek. :twilightsmile:

3523436Indeed, on a side note, you should get a proof reader, maybe cut down on the explaining of everything Star Gate next chapter? Whilst I like them, they detract from immersion and the like.

3523440
Yeah, sadly I don't know where to look for proof readers.

3523455 Boom! There ya go, proofreaders for free, now then, too write a Fallout fanfiction, or not to write a Fallout fanfiction, 'tis the question.

3523463
I've written a crossover or two for fallout.:twilightsmile:

3523475 Fallout, as in the first Fallout?

3523532 Ah, okay then, coz my idea was for the Fallout 2 protgonist to encounter a pony in their travels and take them along in their travels.

Read it, like it, want more, also, I'd have race ideas, except they're too OP.

A Stargate fic? I ask of you sir. Will you take all of my yes?

I love SG (especially Atlantis), plus I like Sci-Fi (I can't express how much I like spaceships :rainbowdetermined2::twilightsheepish:)... Though I would prefer traditional/normal pony (I hate anthro for some reason:rainbowderp:... In my opinion ponies must stay ponies. Besides it adds so much fun and possibilities for something new and untraditional...) Why did you chose anthro in the first place? :fluttercry::rainbowwild::unsuresweetie:

Shiiiiiet, feature box already?
:pinkiegasp:

I have only one request. Please finish this fic, it seems like every stargate/pony fic gets abandoned for some reason.

There are a number of issues with this story.

First off all. Way to much exposition. Way, way to much exposition. I cannot stress enough on how this story seems to be entirely made of exposition.
This is a common mistake. You don't need to throw all that stuff at us in the beginning. You can just throw some of it and then let the rest drip in, preferably through dialogue. One of the things that made SG such a great show was how exposition was delivered in a humorous fashion. In this story it is just kinda of a drag.

Not to mention most of it is just unnecessary. More than that, it doesn't make sense, it just seems fanboyerism and the story would be better without it. Why a new class of super advanced ship? The Daedalus was already overpowered in the setting, especially if powered by a ZPM. The name is terrible. Arcturus was a total failure. Why would you name your new super advanced ship after a catastrophic failure that wiped out an entire solar system? And while it wasn't very clear, am I too take that this ship is powered by an Arcturus type reactor. Cause the show made it pretty clear that technology just doesn't work.

And then there is the shipyards in Lantea. Why? Why would you build a shipyard there? Asides from the fact the planet was abandoned and there is no reason to return. There is a reason all the ships in the show were built on Earth. Cause that is where all the infrastructure and people are. In order to build these ships on Lantea not only would you have to move all the people, you would have to build all the infrastructure from scratch. The cost would be much higher and then there is the risk of attack by the Wraith.

He finished up his overview of the generator as his fellow subordinate Radek appeared.

He leads his own department you know?:raritywink:
Seriously though, Zalenka isn't his subordinate.

He knew he'd run into some smarter people across the galaxy

Don't you think this might be a little bit out of character?:ajbemused:

managed to figure out a means of successfully generating zero point energy using a reactor as a containment device solves the causality faults.

Seriously dude? The exotic particles that don't obey the laws of the universe are contained by a "reactor".
...You aren't even trying.:facehoof:

McKay never truly understood the point of playing games in this day and age, of course to be honest he wasn't much of a gamer to begin with, games and such depend on reaction, hand to eye coordination, or some sense of imagination, which he wasn't really such a big fan of. Eli on the other hand was creative and possessed a great sense of ingenuity.

Why are you telling me this? This is exactly what I am talking about when I say unnecessary exposition. This doesn't add anything to the character or the story. I don't care. I don't think anyone cares. The only reason a detail like this would appear in the show was if McKay and Eli had some humorous banter about it, which they do not.

Also...So Eli is in Pegasus and this is treated as if it is the most normal thing in the world. What the heck happened with Destiny and the meaning of life stuff?!:rainbowderp:

UEF United Earth Federation

WHAT?!

This story takes place in 2010. When did this happen?

the UEF has been around since the start of 2004, with the help of some extra-universal help from the UCAF, a faction from another universe which helped Stargate Command become as crucial organisation in defending Earth and various other worlds from various threats.

So...this is all taking place in an alternate universe, which is kinda like the canon SG universe except for the (even more) overpowered tech, massive off-world facilities, the destiny mission never happened and both the wraith and the Lucian alliance are gone and the Earth is unified.

I'm sorry. I can't read anymore. There is way to much exposition, the dialogue is clumsy, the writing is...mostly decent, but with a few problems here and there and the fanboyerism is more than I can take. There might be some interesting ideas in there and you seem like you can write, but this needs a massive re-write.

This is awesome! Keep up the good work!

3523833

UEF United Earth Federation
WHAT?!
This story takes place in 2010. When did this happen?

the UEF has been around since the start of 2004, with the help of some extra-universal help from the UCAF, a faction from another universe which helped Stargate Command become as crucial organisation in defending Earth and various other worlds from various threats.

Possibility that humanity went through a forced evolution due to the alien attackers.

managed to figure out a means of successfully generating zero point energy using a reactor as a containment device solves the causality faults.
Seriously dude? The exotic particles that don't obey the laws of the universe are contained by a "reactor".

It's Si-Fi Story, not reality. :facehoof:

So...this is all taking place in an alternate universe, which is kinda like the canon SG universe except for the (even more) overpowered tech, massive off-world facilities, the destiny mission never happened and both the wraith and the Lucian alliance are gone and the Earth is unified.

You do realize that AU is in the title?:ajbemused:

3524393
The issue isn't so much the fact that is AU, it is the contents of the AU universe, which constitute a blatant wish fulfilment fantasy by the part of the author.

3524358

It's Si-Fi Story, not reality. :facehoof:

That is no excuse for lazy writing.

Sci-fi plot elements are supposed to at least sound realistic. Use real science and build up from that. The reason why Sci-fi amongst all the genres is one that ages the worse is because of how ridiculous the science sounds on older shows, now that we know more and the general public is better informed about it.

That is why you can no longer seriously get away with invaders from Venus or Saturn.

The show portraits the Arcturus technology as a failed concept because of the creation of exotic particles whose behaviour is inherently unpredictable by the laws of the universe and cause inherent instability and entropy. They try to solve this issue by creating a space-time bridge that sends the particles to another universe that they assumed it would be lifeless. Turns out it wasn't and they had to collapse the bridge.

Now the author "solves" the issue by creating a reactor. A reactor. That is not an explanation. That is nothing. It doesn't mean anything.

If you can't came up with a plausible explanation then don't explain. Have McKay starting to explain, but then being interrupted. That way the readers know there is one explanation without you actually having to explain.

Otherwise it is not science fiction, it is just fiction. Unbelievably unrealistic sound fiction.

3524555 True, True but still humanity still could have gone through a forced evolution.

3524561
I think you mean social revolution. And apparently the reason is because it is AU and that is how the author thought the show should have gone.

3524585 Yea he probably should have added why they are advanced and space born

3523769
Yeah I do notice that as well. Though updates for this will be slow for a bit, I mean I gotta make time for the 32 other stories I'm doing at the moment. :twilightsheepish:

3523833
Aye, I am admittedly not that skilled in this sort of thing, I've had to go over SG ATL more than once, sadly trying to get into character is a tad harder. As for the exposition... yeah I admit I could have refined that a bit more and lessened on doing that. Sadly it doesn't often occur to me when writing, and lack of proof readers have taken their toll.

Well that and I've got a ton of school work to get done by next week, so I've rushed a bit in the process of making this. :facehoof:

3524555
"Blatant wish fulfillment..." Ouch.:twilightoops:
I do admit I could have started off on a better note, but I have had time constraints, I can't put as much effort as I'd like into more detailed writing, and well more consistent content, also there seems to be something about adding at least a noticeable proportion of things in the first chapter in regards to the MLP world since it failed moderation because lack of content that connected the two worlds the first time I tried to submit. I dunno, I just decided against putting in anymore stuff after that.

3524597
Actually I will be explaining the formation of the UEF in future chapters, this is more or less an introduction. And in regards to that, I do have a fiction on Stargate AU, its on fanfiction, but its not complete and its kinda short since I only managed to get 1 massive chapter in and haven't had time to update in a while.

My first thought was this...
derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/11/322003/full.png
too bad she didn't have the correct GDO code.

While I'm not against antro I consider better "normal" pony's because there are too many "humanoid" races in almost every sci-fi franchise that exist (too much "you must be bipedal creatures with hands (or equivalent) to be consider an advance species" )

My reaction to this is that you're doing way too much at the same time. Combining a non-canon future SG-verse with poorly explained new political entities in a giant infodump which doesn't give much explanation of how or why things would turn out that way - and then, most of that infodump becomes irrelevant because you drop a small ensemble of characters into an AU Equestria. It's possible this will go somewhere interesting, but I suspect you'll lose many readers on the first chapter. I'd suggest stripping out almost all of the backstory and starting with their arrival in the EQ-verse as a faster-paced way in, any backstory can be introduced as needed later.

3526990
Huh, funny that you mention that now. That was originally my plan, since I did try this through a couple of other crossover fics. Well that or trying it in a more info centered with SG in the beginning, but the compilation of information since 1998 to 2010 would have been a real pain in the flank to summarize.
BTW, there's a lot more characters that what's been shown, I've actually got nearly a dozen other characters from the SG universe, albeit they're more side characters and characters from only short appearances, but they're main characters in terms of the AU SG universe.
Also this is was kind of the problem for a few of my other stories in regards to the UCAF, which got really repetitive and readers did complain that it was becoming a nuisance to read/skip. :twilightsheepish:

I so cheerish SGbased stories, you have no idea, but anthro ruins it in my oppinion. Don't get me wrong, this is how i just feel about it, if you will, one of the biggest specialty of Ponies, that they are ponies. Though i can not speak for others about the anthro part.

3529037
Understandable, though on the flip side, guess what? I'm actually making a standalone story crossover which is just pony, the beginning will be different as well as content. You can thank someone's review for helping me out in that case, though I'm not sure about how well I can execute such a story. I'll just wing it. :twilightsmile:

ponies vs anthro... given the choice between them, I'd take the SEASICK CROCODILE!!!:pinkiesick:
...or should I say C-sick rockodile?

seriously though, ponies > anthro.

3529810
As I said in my other comment, I'm working on a separate piece with ponies in it. Just hold yer horses.

Uegh. You're saying a whole lot, but you're not saying anything. I'm sorry, but I couldn't even make it halfway through. I highly recommend taking out the explanations to the Stargate concepts. I realize that you're trying to make your fic as accessible as possible, but this is a crossover fic: you can safely assume that anyone who's reading this has at least a basic understanding of the IPs involved.

4141713
I'll consider the suggestion, at the moment I'm having some difficulties at home, I haven't had a chance to get a rewrite on the first chapter and second chapter is already due to post soon...
And also my back is killing me.

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