• Member Since 31st Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago


A programmer for fun and profit, roleplayer and hardcore brony.

Comments ( 194 )

I like the fallout stats thing:pinkiehappy:

Heh, hopefully I won't get tired of drawing Pipgriff and perk images. :twilightsmile:

I like your setting.
The main character's a griffin (it can't get much cooler than that)
And I absolutly adore your drawings. (I never thought a grffin, a fusion of two dangerous predators, to look soooo cute.)
I whish I would be able to draw cute stuff like your griffin...

I'll give you a like, oh, and take that. :heart: I found it inside my omelet this morning.

I really like this fic so far! Would you mind if I were to read this as an audiobook on my channel? /) I'll try to do it justice!

Glad you like it! If you want to read it on your channel as an audio book, that's perfectly fine with me. That would definitely be a first for me!

I know some of the names are a bit unusual, so if you want a pronunciation guide or something I'd be happy to help. :twilightsmile:

Another great chapter, Telgin! And so refreshingly different for a FOE story; not just in having a griffon protagonist, but one that has "normal" days in the Wasteland, instead of adventuring per se. And I still love the Pipkaz pictures :derpytongue2:

No griffin skill-picture this time?:fluttercry: Disliked, unfaved, reported (is there something else I can do to destroy you). :twilightangry2:


Only when he levels up. :twilightsmile:

Never fear. I'm considering a full illustration for the next chapter, and he'll be leveling up then too at least. Hopefully it won't be more than a month before that's out like it was for this chapter!

This is quite a fresh change of perspective amongst amongst the FoE side-stories. No big bad to stop (as of yet), no immediate threat (as of yet). Just the day-by-day ongoing of a plucky griffin lucky enough to earn instant membership into the Talons for being a griffin, but unlucky enough to have a conscience. And I always liked 'The other spectrum' spin of things in FoE. Because when you think about it, no matter Slaver, raider, or Red Eye's Talon, they all had to have mom's and dad's in their lives.

Kaz is a prime example, having a living sister and father with a relatively adjusted upbringing to boot. But life in the wastes is hard for a griffon who wants to be a doctor whenever a unicorn springs up a medicine related cutie-mark. No wonder why so many griffons become Talons.

This chapter in particular hits a full circle upon Kaz witnessing what Glimmer had just been subjected to, likely planting doubts to report escaped slaves to his superiors.

Actually, I can't imagine how awkward it may be if Kaz had to be one of the Talons who tries to stop Littlepip's escape if the story is set very close to that event.

Anyways, good work so far. You just got a dedicated reviewer.


Thanks, glad you like it so far!

I'm glad everything seems to be coming across like I'd intended. I haven't read very many FO:E side stories, but I did indeed hope to have a little contrast here with a story that wasn't about saving the world or anything. Just an average guy trying to make it by in a very crappy situation.

As for how things will work out with Little Pip, well, I don't want to spoil things for when I eventually get there (doesn't help that I'm still planning that far down the line), but this story will overlap a little with it eventually, as well as Murky Number Seven (which I highly recommend if you aren't familiar with it).

In hindsight, Kas's action of taking his first life might just help him in the long run. Soon enough we'll likely see a point in his future if an escaped slave calls his bluff or hesitation to pull the trigger gets him killed. Nice expansion with the Griffon homeland, which adds a lot of weight why many of the Talons continue to fight for Red Eye even after his death.

And so we learned the value of reading the fine print of a contract. Kas better get his insomnia under wraps because hoo! Four years is a long time, especially if that's how long he has to wait before a certain mare steps out a Stable. I'm sure he could've sweet talked his away around the contract, a request of time off for family visitation? But given the Fillydelphian Talons, I guess not likely.

Maybe the real kicker is if Heidi and Stern prohibit Kas from seeing to his father even on his deathbed.

Looking forward to more.

4204830 heh ^.^' yeah I need a bit of help with pronouncing those names and I'd really appreciate it if you could do that!

Okay, cool, I'll see what I can do. I would stick the guide in a chapter somewhere, but that might be kind of awkward and spoilery. A link somewhere might be okay though.

A new chapter should be forthcoming soon. I've been just unbelievably busy and tired as of late, so this one has taken forever to write. Close though! I'll see about getting a pronunciation guide up when I post it.


Finally posted the new chapter, and with it comes a short pronunciation guide that I'll update as needed. I put that in the author's notes in the prologue.

Leaning pretty heavily on 'despair', I see. Decent chapter.

Ok... I really cried for Ida on this one...


:fluttershysad: Sorry about that. Well, I guess that kind of was the intended effect, but still. Not going to give spoilers, but things should settle down on the sad stuff for a while soon, heh.

Oh, but thanks for the watch!

4937888 BTW i suppose there isn't any fanart about the fic (cause i haven't found any)...

i might be drawing something later (because this troubles me :twilightsheepish:)

Oh, sweet. I'd love to see something if you do! Hopefully I've been descriptive enough for the characters and what they look like (maybe not so much for Kaz, but you've got the Pipgriff pictures to give you an idea).

Good to see a nice griffon fic. I remember when I was writing my story (still am, I just need to get around to it...). I did tons of research on birds and cats to give them the appearance that they were NOT ponies, and were very much different. If you need some links and stuff about birds and cats, let me know.

Great minds think alike I suppose. I did the same, which led me to learning quite a lot of interesting things. Things like how the griffons probably shouldn't have much of a sense of smell, but I kind of ignored that bit in the interest of not eliminating a useful sense. The cat parts on the other hand led to some more interesting private details that I don't think will make it into the story, heh.

Oh...oh dear. It always blindsides me whenever an event in an FoE fic STRIPS a perk away from the protagonist. Ida's quest companion perk really lulled me into a false sense of security. Obviously, despite being his superior's fault forcing Kaz to work despite his severe sleep deprivation, it won't mean a damn in his defense if fatal friendly fire was called into question.

The only two optimistic paths (out of the ten pessimistic outcomes) would be that either the Talons have to relieve Kaz of punishment when they confirm it's the mistake of his superior making him work in this condition (which still invites many fellow Talons calling him a murderer night and day). Or they REALLY misinterpret their confession and think someslave killed Ida instead of him, and Kaz would be even more messed up they're chasing a lie and not him.

And those are the optimistic outcomes I can think of :pinkiesad2:

The super-duper optimistic outcome was that Kaz was so sleep deprived he was hallucinating the whole thing. (but this is Fallout Equestria, easy breaks don't exist)

Either way, all pretense Kaz could become a glimmer of comfort for some slaves, an inside source to help them get by is going to be moot with what he's done.

Here's hoping Kaz reaches Fatal Sleep Deprivation (http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Sleep) before Stern enacts whatever punishment she has in store for him.

4945567 Ha! I found out the exact same ting about smell, as well. I also learned some things, as well, especially since in Fallout Equestria, the phrase "By the Great Egg" is mentioned, and I had to figure if... well, how bird-like they were in certain respects, so I could think of what kinds of instincts they might have. And stuff.

Man, what a gut-wrenching twist... :raritycry:

All the more reason for me to eagerly look forward to more.

Sounds like you like it, and more is coming soon, at long last! Real life has hit in a lot of places so I haven't had the time I wanted to spend on this, but the next chapter is almost done.

So I finally got around to starting to read this, and I really do think this'll keep me well occupied over the next couple weeks. I like the character you've established. Competent, but not overpowered protagonists are often hard to come by, even harder to properly flesh out some times.

I love the squad dynamic already. You seem... familiar with the concept behind a lot of that, the inspection in particular.

That's all for now, I'm sure I'll have more once I get further.


I'm glad it's coming off as convincing, but I have no military experience, heh. I did read some field manuals and a few other policy manuals as research material, but that doesn't compare to actually being there, of course. Any inaccuracies I'll just pass off as the Talons trying to imitate organized militaries but not getting it completely right. :derpytongue2:

Finally another chapter!!! Can't wait o read it...when I get home from work :3

An update?! What kind of magic is this?!

Things are going pretty bad for Kaz... :applejackunsure:
*eagerly waits 6 months for update* :trollestia:

Comment posted by Kyo21943 deleted Feb 16th, 2015

Effective maybe... but I could think of better ways to deal with murderers than rewarding them killing more ponies by handing them a gun and hoping they'd shoot at the right people when the time came.

This sentence encapsulates everything I enjoy about our protagonist, Kashmir. He is a pragmatist but not one without a sense for moral dissonance. He works for Red Eye but only because he appreciates what the guy does that others never attempt. Even his reason for looking for work is simply to provide for a loved one-- no heroic resolve necessary for that. He has no need for tragedy or greatness to attract compassion; just being a natural product of the world surrounding him endears him to us readers.

These quiet, slow-paced scenes are wonderfully written. An adequate amount of characterization and atmosphere never hurt any story. While the narration around the patrol scene felt a little monotonous, it served its purpose remarkably elsewhere. I look forward to seeing more of this story in the future!

I have hopes for an excellent "earn your happy ending" arc from this point on. I doubt you can make Kashmir sink any further than this.

But then again, this is Fallout: Equestria. It could be a really long arc...

Glad you're liking it so far!

It's hard to say how long it'll be before it's done, but as you can see the chapters are considerably shorter than the original's chapters and I'm not planning on having as many chapters as the original either. Still, the ending isn't exactly around the corner either, so stay tuned to find out where it goes.

A new chapter should be out witihin a few weeks at the rate I'm working.

Glad you like it!

And since you asked, here's the next chapter. :twilightsmile:



*insert the ringing of bells and an angelic choir*

I know what I'm doing tomorrow if I have downtime at work :D

Yes! An update :3

Loving this story so far!

Fillydelphia was a very poor choice for a moral character to find employment at. With the odds stacked this unevenly, everyone will lose.

Wonderful chapter! My only concern might be that Rusty Rivet was only introduced to be axed off later for dramatic effect. Just speculation.

I meant to comment chapters ago, but let it slide and it never did happen.

I think you've set this story up to be, I think, a very poignant look into PTSD. Everything from the inherent racial separation of griffons to ponies - completely aside from slaver or slave - brings a very real degree of "us" and "them" mentality, and that is well followed through. The very real issue of sleep deprivation, self inflicted or not, and its effects on the psyche is fantastically portrayed. It almost begins to drag the story along, but I feel you timed the escalation of events quite well on that account. It felt relateable rather than a pacing flaw. I certainly felt a weight drop into my gut the moment he realized the rifle had slipped. I don't think any military member hasn't had at least one "Oh fuck, where's my rifle?!" moment, even if most of the time its right beside you, right where you left it. Having that happen for real would be fucking horrifying, and its just realistic enough to be one of those fears that embeds itself pretty deep.

Intentional or not, the parallels with a member of a first world nation joining a military and traveling across most of a world, for all intents and purposes, is one I hadn't expected to be so prevalent when I started reading this. He feels out of his element because he very much is, especially when compared with the veterans.

I have to admit, I cannot guess your end goal. On the one hand, you're equipped for a very unique view of the Battle for Filly, ultimately... but where will he be when that happens, I wonder...

I'm certainly hooked. When people ask me for a "griffon fic" I don't hesitate to suggest Longtalons. You do them well.


It's always nice to hear things like that, and I'm very happy that you've enjoyed the story so far! I'm also glad that the parallels to reality feel believable since I don't have any personal experience with any of this stuff (sleep deprivation aside, somewhat).

I wish I had more time to write these days, but hopefully within a week or two the next chapter will be up and we can get one step further along. :twilightsmile:

6089579 Glad you like it! I hope I do get the characterization right, but that's usually something that you can only tell in hindsight.

Oh well, the good news is that moar story is now available!

I just love this story so much. I cannot say anything else than that.

Love it.

Oh jesus, the feels continue to be real. You've really gotten me hoping some of these ponies make it out... his view of them is very... pastel, I suppose. He sees them as almost another form of life, less harsh than his own (which is accurate enough, I suppose).

The mustard pack mare, the message, them all sleeping closer to him, their view of him as a protector... it's going to be very depressing when, I suspect, it becomes clear that he cannot really protect them. Oh, something's going to happen, and the timeline moves fast enough in this story that I do really wonder where all this is going to end up.

I know his name is Kasimir, not Kashmir, but I still had that Led Zeppelin song stuck in my head for the first thousand words or so. xD

This is neat! I'm interested to see where it goes. I'll probably make more elaborate comments in later chapters. This one was just an introduction, so there's not much to comment on.

One thing to be careful of in the future is introducing too many characters at once. I'm not a very clever reader, so I've already lost track of some of them. I've got Kasimir, "Serge-ent," Glitter, Lt. Blackfeathers, Ida, "the friendly chick whose name starts with C," and one or two others. Obviously, I could scroll up and figure out who I'm missing, but I wanted to point out which ones stuck and which ones didn't.

Those little PipGriff doodles are amazing.

I don't have any elaborate literary criticism to offer at the moment*, but I wanted to leave this comment to let you know that people (at least one) are still discovering and enjoying this.

*Actually, I do, but I suspect that you're either already aware of the things I would say or they're just not significant enough to be worth saying. I think I'll wait until later in the story before making any comments like that, unless you really really want it now.

Wow, that hurt. In a good way. I mean... not in a good way, but like in a "you wrote something that made me feel something" way.

In other news, I think your writing overall has been improving through the course of this fic, and that's always neat to see. (Not to imply that it was bad or anything, just that it started at one level and is now at a higher one.)

Wow. Poor Kaz. :c He needs a great many hugs.

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