Help! I'm being snuggled!!

by Billblok

Things Get Worse Before They Get Better

“What is… a word that… rhymes with… orange?”

If Chrysalis hadn’t tried the last twenty four times before, she would have yelled at the... thing outside to shut up. Then she probably would have screamed until her throat hurt. But she knew it wouldn’t work. Beside the point, the guards outside probably were irritated by her screaming anyway. There was only so long that somepony could scream in wrath, cursing the ponies that put them in their prison. Oh well; no use crying over spilt milk. “Dinner” was coming soon anyway.

A door on the bottom slid open, and as her tray slid in, a quite emaciated Chrysalis came up to the door, dragging the tray back. She’d read the newspaper of course, but she never ate the food; which had concerned a few guards, if only because they were worried about the integrity of their jobs.

Chrysalis flipped through the newspaper, looking at the front page primarily. There in pretty moving pictures was Twilight Sparkle, sporting a rather tacky fancy dress and tiara, waving at the crowd. The article declared that the purple pony had apparently sprouted wings overnight, and not a moment later than next morning, arrangements for a coronation had been made, declaring her as “Princess Twilight Sparkle”. The little unicorn had clearly gone a long way since she had first met her. She quietly chuckled to herself for having not discovered Twilight’s “secret hoof shake” sooner. Twilight… The first time she met Twilight, though it wasn’t even because she recognized Chrysalis, she had attempted a happy greeting along the lines of something like sunshine and ladybugs. It was really quite cute, and she found herself chanting it in her head sometimes. But what did she do? Why in the stress of trying to get enough love to feed her kingdom, she allowed her guise to slip, driving the poor unicorn--now an alicorn, she supposed-- into a paranoid fit, and once she did think she was wrong, she dumped her in a cave, presumably to starve. Some friend I’ve been, she mused to herself.

That caused her to stop for a minute; Friend? Since when was she ever the pony’s friend? Sure she had had adversaries, and even reluctant partners, but never friends! Confused, the queen turned back to the newspaper for some sort of answer. Scanning the page did not give her much proper information, but when she took a good long read, she came across the descriptive text below the moving picture.

Twilight Sparkle, Princess of friendship, waves to the crowd as they greet their newest ruler.

Chrysalis gasped. Then she smirked. Then she giggled. Then she laughed loudly, twirling around the newspaper in a rare display of enthusiasm that she had not expressed since her imprisonment in this horrid place that was once her home, squeezing the innocent piece of paper against her chest, completely uncaring of the distress of Twilight’s image. Of course! It was all so obvious now! If every princess had some control over a great cosmic force, then clearly Twilight Sparkle wasn’t free from having such control! While Celestia had power over the sun, and Luna had power over the moon, Twilight had power over friendship! And since friendship is magic--

...Oh dear. Chrysalis slowed her dancing to a stop, another realization kicking in. Twilight Sparkle had power over friendship… That was an awesome power to have, that and the power of the concept of the arcane at her horn tip; it was… humbling. She tapped one hoof on the floor, straightening out the newspaper with the other. Chrysalis was hardly stupid. She may have seemed like it every once in awhile, but she knew better than to trifle with a creature that knew how to easily win over the hearts of others; that’s why she locked up Princess Cadance in the first place. Putting Twilight in the same place was a major oversight, but hey; everypony makes mistakes, right?

Chrysalis silently waited for the food tray to be received still full. The guards were getting worried. Good, she thought to herself. It was quite important to garner up a little bit of sympathy if she was possibly going to get out on “parole”. Not only that, but she was going to have to make Twilight Sparkle--the princess--her friend before she became hers instead. It was an unpleasant idea, but it could perhaps be valuable if she could pull away Twilight’s love first. Yes, she really needed something good to eat, because she was far too weak to possibly do anything more than banter…

Chrysalis allowed the smallest hint of a smile when she was certain that the guards were long gone. At least… that’s what I’ll tell them...

—-

As far as anypony else knew, Her highness princess Twilight Sparkle, Steward of friendship and guardian of knowledge was busy studying a new bunch of books that came into the library’s system, and was unfortunately too busy to spend any time with other ponies, friends or otherwise. The citizens were happy to believe that, and continued their lives from that noon when “Snake-bra” attacked (Just another Tuesday) straight on till the moon began rising.

But the truth was far, far more sinister. It was such a scandal; it would make the newspapers it was written upon tremble with terror of the upcoming wrath that the loyal subjects would have upon the purple pony if they had ever found out.

Twilight was taking a day off. Yes, Princess Twilight, ever dependable to be at her tree library whenever she wasn’t with her friends, was taking a break from library work to cuddle with the common folk. If anypony was near a timid little pegasus’ cottage, just right by the everfree forest, they would have found the pony princess curled up under a soft blanket with her newest filly friend of that ten seconds. (1) But that notion is simply ridiculous; Twilight already had a crush with a certain orange pegasus with blue hair… and an adorable grin-- that would not be mentioned within earshot of even her friends.

Twilight woke up with a quiet yawn, nuzzling her friend who was nestled under her chin. If twilight had to play favorites, Fluttershy was probably her best friend. Not that she didn’t like her other friends mind you; Fluttershy’s natural sweetness was just that infectious, nopony except ponies that just didn’t like other ponies could possibly dislike her. It was entirely unfair to her other friends, but they probably favored Fluttershy over her too.

It didn’t have anything to do with the cuddling. Not at all. Speaking of which, Twilight realized that she had been snuggled up to the pegasus for what was probably the majority of the day. And she had left a poor baby dragon behind.

“Fluttershy?” She gently tapped the pony on her head with the tip of her wing. “It’s getting late; I have to go home now.”

Fluttershy sleepily opened her eyes. “Mhhh... What? Why?”

Twilight smiled sympathetically. “I know you really like the cuddly stuff, but I can’t stay in your house all my life.

“Oh... okay.” When it was evident that it was getting too late to keep her around, Fluttershy was visibly disappointed. But still, Twilight had to be independent every once in awhile, right? Cuddling session having reached an end, Fluttershy and Twilight attempted to coordinate in an effort to allow the purple pony out of bed so she could properly leave and head back home. Much of that had consisted of uncomfortable squirming, several apologies on Fluttershy’s part, one case of tangled manes, another case of tangled tails, and finally Twilight managed to get out by unceremoniously flopping on the hardwood floor. “Oh my goodness, are you alright??”

“Yeah,” Twilight rubbed her nose. “I’m fine.”

“I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to have you get hurt...”

“It’s fine, I wasn’t.” Twilight unhooked the last of the quilts from her rear leg. “Well, I guess I’d better get going to the library then. I’ll see you tomorrow morning!”

Fluttershy smiled, already having remade the bed and making good use of the warm spot where Twilight was earlier. “Have a good night.” With that, Twilight left without another word put in.

---

The trip home was uneventful. Nopony was really out during the night, so the sounds of crickets and the occasional owl were her only company. (2) Twilight had hoped that with any luck, she would be just as alone in her home--sans Spike-- as out there.

Alas, Fate had different plans when she had finally made it to her house, again recalling her pleasant experience with Fluttershy-- and just who she happened to leave behind. When she stepped into her bedroom, she discovered, for who knows what reason, Luna had managed to cram herself into Spike’s basket on the notion that she was sharing. Said alicorn princess was asleep, curled up tight in a donut shape, with Spike in the middle.

“Twilight;” Spike whispered. “Where the hay have you been??”

Twilight nervously smiled. “Thanks for the welcome home…?”

“Twilight...” Spike groaned.

“I’m sorry! I’ve just been really busy!”

Spike stared blankly back. “Doing what?? What could possibly have been more important than getting Princess Luna’s mane out of my face!”

“I just got caught, Spike; there was nothing to say about it… Did you know that Fluttershy’s been trying to reform the tyrant king Sombra?”

“...No kidding; I thought he was dead!”

Twilight nodded. “So did I, but apparently he wasn’t, and he came to me in a...snake form.”

“What… What did he do to you??”

“He… cuddled me… He turned into a snake and cuddled me just to ruin any enjoyment of cuddling… oh Celestia, I felt so violated...” She hung her head in misery.

“Wow… I can’t blame ya. How’d ya get out?”

“Fluttershy showed her mama bear side,” Twilight explained, waving a hoof. “After all that, she proceeded to smother me--”

“She what??”

“--With copious amounts of affection and a little bit of Queen Anne’s lace soup,” she continued despite his interruption.

“...Oh, well what was I expecting? It wasn’t too much trouble, was it?”

Twilight hopped up onto her bed, stretching her wings. “Actually, it was the best nap I ever had. It’s almost like she set up everything to be the most comfortable as possible.”

Spike crossed his arms. “Oh, I get it. So I’ve been left behind because you wanted to cuddle with Fluttershy? I thought I was more important than that.”

“I’m sorry Spike, I just couldn’t refuse when she gave me those big puppy eyes… you’ve seen them, right?”

“...Fine, I guess I can forgive you for that… I still think you owe me,” Spike strained in the grip of the Princess of the Night. “Starting… With… oof-- getting. me. out!!”

“Okay okay, fine; let me just...” Twilight hopped of the bed, lighting her horn and attempting to gently tug Spike out. Unfortunately, Luna tightened her grip, squeezing him closer to her body. “Oh hay… sorry, it’s not working...”

“I can see that,” spike muttered.

“I don’t know what to do…!”

“Well, pull harder! It’s not like I’m gonna snap or something!”

Twilight bit down on one of spike’s spines, coupled with her magic, tugging harder. He barely moved centimeters. “Itsh noht workin’!” She complained through the spine in her mouth.

“We’re running out of options here, Twilight! Can’t you teleport??”

“Teleportin’ myshelf ish eashy, but itsh a littl’ hard’r wiff shomepony elsh!”

“Twilight, you’ve never had a problem with me…!”

“Okeh, fine!” Twilight’s horn glowed hot pink, and in the absence of Spike’s crest in her mouth, her teeth clacked shut. She turned around to see that Spike had a few singed patches of scales, but he was otherwise unharmed. “You alright? I think I may have overdone it.”

Spike looked over himself, seemingly satisfied. “Eh, no biggie; I might have to molt out of this, but I should be okay...” He smirked. “Thanks by the way! Your debt’s been repaid.”

“That’s good I guess. Anyway, we should probably remove Luna from your basket...”

“Or tell her that it’s nighttime, and she should probably be holding night court?”

“Yeah, that would be fair.” Twilight gently tapped Luna on the shoulder. “...Luna? It’s nighttime.”

“...Mm?” Luna mumbled, tiredly opening her eyes. Twilight had to stifle a giggle.

“That’s right; don’t you have something to do? I mean, far be it from me to order anypony around, but maybe you should be holding your night court?”

“...’Tis my night off.”

Twilight tilted her head. “...Night off?”

“Planned ahead. Scheduled it myself.”

“Okay… But won’t Celestia be the slightest bit concerned that you didn’t show up tonight?”

“Oh no, told her I’d be taking the night off...”

Twilight nodded slowly. She turned to Spike for some input, but Spike shrugged unhelpfully. “Okay… but that’s Spike’s bed that you’re in right now, and I could pull out a guest bed--”

“Mmmm… No, here’s fine.”

“But where’s Spike going to sleep?”

“Dunno… Your bed maybe.”

“I’m okay with this,” Spike replied with a grin.

“I thought you didn’t like girl cooties,” Twilight shot back.

“Um-- I-I mean, EW! Please get my bed back, Twilight!”

“See, Spike really doesn’t want to use my bed,” Twilight played along; not because of his sense of masculinity, but because she didn’t want Luna there. It had the potential of messing up her schedule.

“Can’t he share with me…?” Luna sleepily pointed at the baby dragon in question.

Twilight was getting frustrated. “Luna, we just pried him away from your vice-like grip!”

“You can share with me...”

Twilight stared at Luna, then at Spike. Spike yawned, looking like he was going to pass out on the floor. She bit her lip, miffed. “Luna, what are you trying to do here?”

“Sleep...” Luna mumbled.

Twilight shook her head, stomping a hoof on the ground. “No. I refuse. Please, get out of Spike’s bed, and I promise I can pull out the guest bed, honest to Celestia!”

“Why’re you using Tia’s name in vain…?”

“Good grief Luna, get out!!” Twilight flared up her horn, intending to levitate Luna. But apparently, she was intent on being non-compliant, as she too flashed her horn, completely negating her levitation spell. Failing at floating Luna out, she walked over, and shoved at the princess. “Get out! Please!!” She shoved once, twice, three times, and then a fourth straining shove, but all it was accomplishing was tilting the basket; so for that, she tried pulling, grabbing Luna’s wing in her hooves and yanking. “Luna~! Spike, help! She’s not-- eeep!”

Twilight was not prepared for Luna to pull back. Even when sleepy, her superior strength won over Twilight’s meager efforts to get Luna out of Spike’s bed. In a fraction of a second, Twilight was pulled in, flopping down flat on her side, and a set of blue hooves wrapped around her tightly. “Luna--No!” Twilight futilely protested.

“See? We can share...” Luna mumbled, starting to wrap her ethereal mane around the pony she captured.

“Spike,” Twilight squealed, “why didn’t you help me!?” Twilight got no answer, seeing that Spike was actually laughing. Growling loudly, Twilight fought, trying to squeeze out of the legs holding her. When that didn’t work, she kicked, but she might as well have been hitting with all the force of a foal. In final desperation, she puffed her cheeks, flared up her horn for a teleport…

...Then let it fizzle out, groaning in disgust and reluctant submission. “Buck it all… Fine, have it your way Luna.” Luna simply folded a wing over her.

“So… What about me?”

Twilight simply glared at Spike. “For your refusal to help me, you have to take the cootied bed.”

Spike complained, “What, really? Come on, Twilight--”

“Yes, I could teleport and try again, but it’s really late; so put up or shut up.”

“But--”

“Bed,” Twilight commanded. Spike obeyed without question, practically leaping into the bed usually meant for Twilight in what could only be described as fear for his own well being. Twilight was not going to take any of this anymore. It was a frustrating night so far, Luna was completely unreceptive to her reasonable demands, now she taking an extra turn cuddling her and it wasn’t fair, and Spike didn’t help. He was going to have to deal with the punishment. In the meantime, Twilight was going to attempt to remedy this situation in some way or another. Yes, Twilight could very easily teleport out of Luna’s embrace, but that would not fix the problem of Luna being in Spike’s bed. Beside the point, Twilight still had another problem.

I’m cramped sitting like this… How do I move into a more comfortable position when she’s all squeezed up around me?? Twilight attempted to move the wing currently wrapped around her body and obstructing her vision. A few forceful nudges brought about a result, if only making Luna mumble incoherently and remove her wing from Twilight’s face. Okay, at least I can see now. Maybe I can make sure my belly isn’t exposed to the ceiling… Twilight fidgeted, slowly twisting herself over to her side, in hopes that her wiggling wouldn’t cause any reaction from Luna. Luna Yawned, stretching her hooves out. Twilight took the opportunity of her brief freedom to roll over to her side and onto her stomach before the moon princess could trap her again. It seemed like things were fortunate enough that she would manage to find a more comfortable position.

But just as quickly as her optimism expressed itself, it was promptly snuffed out when Luna’s hooves closed in as Twilight’s legs were facing Luna’s chest. No! No please no no no no--

Luna’s hooves clasped around her body, pulling her chest, legs tucked underneath into her barrel. In her panic, Twilight attempted to calm herself. It’s okay Twilight, you can do this! It’s not like you’ll be trapped forever! There’s got to be a way to make yourself more comfortable… Twilight grunted, trying to pull her legs out from underneath her. Luna sleepily resisted, and Twilight strained harder. Inch by inch, she made little ground, navigating her hooves across the midnight blue terrain while her own fur practically crushed them in the pressure. But if there was one thing Twilight understood, it was when a task was impossible. Given that she was actually making progress, her task of freeing her forelegs from the crushing embrace was certainly not an impossible one. It was this understanding that made her all the more determined to carry it out.

Twilight struggled harder, using all her recently acquired earth pony strength. With perseverance and endurance, she managed to pull one hoof out, then the other. “Oh thank goodness,” Twilight gasped, out of breath from what should have been easy to do. “I don’t know if anypony told you this Luna, but you are really freaking clingy.” Twilight spent some time catching her breath as she hugged her. The worst was finally over, but at what cost? Well now Twilight felt like she was roasting, and considered that she may have to shower more thoroughly in the morning. Spike was also probably going to hold a grudge against her because she stole his bed, but what was he going to do about that? That was his fault, and she wasn’t to blame for it. She’d talk with him in the morning. But for now, Twilight was comfortable enough with a brisk artificial wind created with some magic, and all she needed was a blanket. She briefly considered using Spike’s blanket, but with it tucked beneath the two of them, it just didn’t seem worth the effort. So with a little bit of magic, Twilight pulled her old blanket out which seemed sufficiently large enough for the two of them. She tucked it around them, and Luna nuzzled her head. Satisfied, Twilight lay her head down in the crook of Luna’s neck. Tomorrow’s Wednesday, Twilight encouraged herself, just three more days to go.

---

Princess Luna groaned. Then she mumbled. Then she stretched, working out the kinks in her neck. What a pleasant dream it was that she had! It was late at night, and Twilight--for no explainable reason other than the warm affection that was clearly flowing from her at the time-- Politely asked her to move over so she could curl up next to her for the night. Then she gave a bunch of sweet little compliments, regarding how sparkly her mane was, and how shiny and soft her coat was, and the way her mane smelt like wintergreens, and--

“Her wings were just as soft and warm as Fluttershy’s or you-know-who’s, so yeah, I’d say she’s a pretty good cuddle partner.”

Luna’s eyes opened. Wait a minute, did that all actually happen?

Spike nodded his head, barely containing his amusement. “I see… What was the downside of cuddling with Princess Luna?”

Twilight stroked Luna’s back. “Oh, she’s just a little bit clingy; to the point of pinning my forelegs to her barrel in such a way that it took me about five minutes to pull them free and properly cuddle back.”

Oh sweet maker; that really all did happen...

Spike choked back a giggle. “Really? I d-didn’t know that being able to cuddle back was (he hee) an issue of such importance!”

“Oh yes, the perfect cuddle relies on mutual consent, respect of boundaries, appreciation of the pony you’re cuddling with, and balanced exchange of hugs.” Twilight cast a tired glance at Luna “Yep, because I had not consented and Luna hogged most of the area I was trying to share, I didn’t exactly appreciate it; and an otherwise wonderful experience was largely ruined.”

Spike was barely holding it in as he gave a final question. “How would you rate it?”

Twilight tapped her hoof on the floor. “Any lower than four stars might be liable for getting her to banish me. I’ll have to try again later.”

Oh no! I was such a horrible pony!

Spike fell over laughing when she saw Luna’s embarrassment.

“Spike, what on earth are you laughing at?! I’m pouring my heart out to you and you can’t stop laughing?!”

“Ha ha ha!! Oh her face; Princess Luna’s face!”

“What? What about her--” Twilight turned to see Luna’s shame, her head hunkered down like a beaten puppy. Her face was so bright red, it practically radiated. “O-oh my gosh; Princess, how much of that did you hear?!”

Luna held her head in her hooves. “Plenty enough... We must apologize Twilight; ‘twas late, and we were not sound of mind at the time… Sister always warned us about staying up to late and how we get clingy when we do that--”

“No,” Twilight excused her. “It’s completely fine; I understand that you were not yourself! If anything I should be apologizing for that scathing criticism about how you cuddle--”

“But you’re right! We are terrible cuddler! We’re a coddler!”

“I didn’t say that; I said that my unwillingness for the cuddle largely ruined an otherwise wonderful experience!”

“But we hogged the bed, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna whimpered in her hooves. The scene had long changed from funny to pathetic, so Twilight quickly put a stop to it.

Twilight’s hooves wrapped around Luna’s neck to soothe her embarrassment in a quick squeeze. “It’s all fine; water under the bridge, as they say. Just ask next time, and I won’t try to bother you while you’re tired, okay?”

Luna nodded. “Okay… Thank you Twilight, we are in your debt, we suppose.”

Twilight giggled, “For what?”

“For restoring our dignity, whatever little it might be.”

Twilight nodded. “Okay, sweet. But… don’t you have somewhere to go?”

“We… I don’t follow.”

“Oh you know... somepony who would miss you? Like Princess Celestia, who you told her yesterday was your day off, and now you have to get back home?”

Before Twilight even knew what was going on, she was on her back, and a violent crash of wood signaled Luna’s prompt exit from the golden oak library. Twilight coughed from the sudden release of air when she fell to the floor. She lifted up her head, only barely managing to see the princess of the night wildly flapping her frenzied wings in a desperate commitment to go homeward bound as quickly as possible.

Twilight stared wide eyed at the Luna shaped hole in the wall of the Library. “W-well, I guess she took the hint, huh?”

Spike had stopped laughing a little while ago. “Huh, weird... Doesn’t that look like the same spot we patched up not too long ago when Rainbow Dash broke in?”

“Yup,” Twilight blankly replied, still staring at the hole in the wall.

“So… What’re we gonna do about that?”

Wordlessly, Twilight examined the hole, scrutinizing the edges and marveling at how perfectly it looked like the outline of the back end of a pony princess. Then she simply opened the door outside and started walking.

Spike ran after her. “Wait wait, Twilight; where’re you going? Don’t we--”

“Oh, we have to go shopping anyway, so I can just save time and buy a tarp to cover over our poor tree house. Lock the door on the way out, would you?”

“‘Lock the door’? Twilight, there’s a gaping hole in our house!”

“Just a formality Spike, we can’t have any pony we don’t know striding in and taking a book without checking it out; and the only pony who would sneak into a house with a big hole in it is Rainbow Dash, and I trust her at least enough to not rifle through my personal belongings.”

“...You seriously trust Rainbow Dash? I don’t trust her with my molts.”

“The door, Spike; Lock it, please.”

“Okay fine…” Spike grumbled as he pulled the house key out from under the welcome mat to lock the door. “Sheesh, you don’t have to use the voice on me...”

“Thank you Spike~” Twilight cooed, rubbing his head with a hoof. Spike continued grumbling to himself about how insecure the location of the house key was as he followed along.

---

Twilight quietly pondered to herself about what was going on the past two days as she made her slow, intentionally relaxed strides down the market square of Ponyville. Her wings idly traced the worn trail that the hooves of several other ponies created over the time the road was used when Ponyville was around. It did not go unnoticed by Spike when she took extra time to drag her primaries across the bigger pebbles that made up the gravel road, as if she was scientifically evaluating its texture.

“Bit for your thoughts, Twilight?” He asked.

Twilight slowly lifted her head up, stretching her wings until they popped. Then she draped one wing over Spike, and folded the other to her side. “It’s really strange, Spike. For the past forty eight hours, almost everypony I’ve met once, crossed horns with or I’ve had a personal friendship with has been overcome with an unsatisfiable urge to hug or cuddle with me. At least two of them were ones who would have hurt me in any other state of mind without that urge.” Twilight walked up to Carrot Top’s carrot stand. “Worst of all, I don’t think they even know that they have that urge. Whatever’s going on with me and ponies, it’s dangerous. I just hope this doesn’t affect ponies that I barely know as well...” Twilight pulled out her bit bag, placing it on the counter. “Six carrots Please,” Then she waited for the outrageous charge.

“Sure thing princess; six bits!”

Twilight was authentically shocked by the reasonable price for six carrots. “Wait… really?”

“Yeah, you looked like you were in kind of a bad mood, so I didn’t think you wanted to put up with the typical haggling we do every week.” She accepted the bits with a concerned smile. “You okay? Need somepony to talk to?”

Twilight backed away from the table after she got her carrots. “No, no I’m fine. I… I’ll talk about it later… when it all blows over.”

“Oh… okay, I get it. You still look so mopey though; are you sure you don’t want anything else? ...Like a hug?”

Twilight’s ears flattened themselves on the back of her head and her eyes appeared to be the size of dinner plates. “Oh-kay~! Really Carrot Top, I’m perfectly fine; so I’m just gonna walk away in a swift but inoffensive manner right now and continue my shopping!” Twilight darted around a corner, carrying Spike along with her until she was certain they were out of sight.

Spike dusted himself off. “Alright Twilight, I get that that was freaky; but did you really have to grab me by the tail and drag me along face down??”

“I’m sorry; I just had to make a quick getaway. I don’t want to be cuddled again today if I can help it.”

“Yeah, yeah… My nose hurts now.” He sulked, tucking his tail underneath him so that Twilight couldn’t grab it again. But Spike’s poor face wasn’t actually what was on her mind at the moment. Carrot Top--one of the most vicious sales ponies in the Ponyville market who was only ever interested in business and not small talk when she was at her stand--had asked for a reasonable price, asked her if she was alright, and offered a hug! This was entirely unprecedented for her.

“Spike… you saw that, right?”

“Uh huh… I was right there, Twilight. Ya know, maybe you’re just getting special treatment from her?”

“No, that’s just silly! She doesn’t treat anypony different on the job. Maybe she’s just in a huggy mood right now!” She peeked out from around the corner to watch her serving another customer.

“Six bits each,” Carrot Top said to Bon Bon.

“What?!” The local candy maker protested. “That’s ten times as much as you charged Twilight, I saw it! One bit each!”

“Actually, I charged her one tenth as much as I usually do. You saw her, she was pretty mopey. I didn’t want to weigh her down. Six bits each.”

“As if that stopped you before; two bits for a carrot and a half each!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Five bits for each.”

“This is preposterous!” Bon Bon returned in a perfect Canterlot accent. “If you don’t know what I am talking about, I beg you to explain to me why you offered Twilight a hug! Two bits for a carrot each; final offer!”

There was a moment where Carrot Top had a blank look. Then she nodded dumbly, “...Done.”

As Bon Bon picked up her carrots, Twilight looked at Spike for some sort of excuse in hopes that she was missing something. Unfortunately, her number one assistant could only look on in contemplation. “Okay, you’re right; this isn’t a coincidence anymore.”

Twilight paled. “Great, it affects acquaintances too… I don’t understand! What could have happened to cause this!? One evening, I sprout wings, get crowned princess of friendship, and the next thing I know, anything that moves is eager-- no, desperate-- to hug or cuddle with me! It doesn’t make any sense!”

My my… Now where have I heard that little phrase before? It sounds so familiar…

Twilight whimpered. “Oh please no… Discord, I’m not in the mood right now--”

Discord’s long tail snatched her up, holding her upside down in front of Discord’s grinning face. “Oh, that’s right! That was when I toyed with Celestia’s ‘secure’ vault and stole the elements of harmony right out from underneath her--”

“AAH DISCORD, PUT ME DOWN RIGHT THIS INSTANT YOU SNAGGLE TOOTH BLENDER CREATURE OR I’LL SIC FLUTTERSHY ON YOU!!”

“Sheesh, rude~” Discord unwrapped his tail from around the alicorn, and she flapped her wings wildly to right herself and land, hiding behind Spike as he backed up to stand squarely in front of her chest, arms protectively held out. “I was just in the middle of telling a story and recollecting the fondest of memories, and you had to yell over me? Honestly, what would your mother think?”

“If you want my opinion, I think she’d applaud her for it,” Spike glared. “What do you want, Discord?”

“Well I wanted to tell a story to break the tension between you two,” Discord stood up tall, paw and claw clasped behind his back, “But I suppose now that I was interrupted, I’d better get to the point. So… a little birdie told me that the princess of friendship was taking time out of her life to… Oh I don’t know, ‘cuddle with the enemy’, as it were?” Silence hung over the two beings which were not Discord like a particularly conspicuous cobweb-- messy and unpleasant to look at, but too much so to actually do anything about it. Silence made Discord irritated, and he had to break it. “Oh come now, you two; it’s not like it was hard to figure out! Princess Luna’s magical— nightly signature in two places at once? That just screams something disorderly! Come on fess up-- who was it? Believe you me, if I don’t have all day I can make the time for it.”

Twilight blinked-- once, twice then three times, each blink slow and deliberate over a set of eyes full of terror and dread. She tried to say something, but her throat was not cooperating. “N-- Nih...”

Discord seemed unable to notice the pony’s distress. “Oh, a guessing game? I do love guessing games! Let’s see, it starts with an ‘n’, is that correct?”

Twilight gulped, nodding.

“Well, that really narrows down the list, doesn’t it? After all, I can only think of Two-- No, one theoretical villain that has ever been around in the past two or so years whose name starts with an ‘n’, and that would be...” Discord tapped his chin with a third arm, carefully pondering his answer. Then a light bulb appeared over his head as his eyes brightened the same way. “Ah, I’ve got it! It’s DISCORD!” He cried out in understanding, snapping his paw.

This time Twilight managed to say something, but it wasn’t a something that came out very strong. It didn’t even have the strength to use the proper punctuation at the end. “...What.”

Discord frowned, third arm falling limp like a wet noodle. “...Really? It’s not?” Twilight shook her head, ears falling flat in confusion. “But that starts with an ‘n’, I swear… It’s ‘N-I-S-K-O-R-D’, is it not?”

“No… Discord starts with a ‘D’.”

Discord stared back in disbelief. “You’re kidding me.”

“N-no, I’m not,” Twilight replied with some hesitation, “...Are you… illiterate?”

“Well of course I’m ill-iterate,” Discord snapped back, “Words, letters and the like are just so orderly, they make me sick trying to read them! Why would I ever bother learning to read, when I can just eat the pages and get what they say on them into my head anyway?!”

“That… doesn’t make sense.”

“And there’s that phrase again, but that’s neither here nor there,” discord grumbled, waving his paw. “The point is, you’ve been cuddling with the enemy, and not me, so— Oh come on, would it be so much trouble for you to give me a hint who it is??”

Twilight had trouble giving a proper hint when Discord’s desperate face pressed into hers with his three arms wrapped around her body. The pressure he exerted spat the whole answer out in a little squeak. “Nightmaremoon!”

Twilight was unceremoniously dropped on top of Spike. “And now she gives it away— you’re really terrible at the whole guessing game, aren’t you? Really Twilight, when will your list of things you do badly ever end?” Had she not been completely terrified of what discord might have had in store for her in regards to cuddly interaction, she might have objected to that statement; then again, he may not have let her say anything anyway.

“But still Twilight… How could you?” He put on his best hurt and pleading look— which admittedly was a poor attempt, being that he never experienced the sort of pain or desperation that would require such a look. “I’ve tried for weeks my dear Twilight— weeks to accomplish all sorts of friendly activities of chaos that could possibly entertain somepony of your high standards of friendship! But my dear Twilight— you betrayed me!” His display of frustration and betrayal was almost convincing, but for all Twilight could care, she was too concerned about her potential unpleasant fate. “You ignored all my pleas from me—the loveable, huggable god of chaos to spend your valuable time and energy snuggling up to the biggest lunar brat on this side of the millennium!”

“Hey! She didn’t even want to cuddle up with her,” Spike snapped in Twilight’s defense, “And she certainly won’t cuddle with you either!”

And then Discord immediately proved his use of crocodile tears. “Spike, the grownups are speaking, please be quiet;” he nonchalantly scolded, waving a dismissive paw at the baby dragon.

Spike pulled himself out from underneath Twilight. “You’re not an adult. And the last thing I would call you is a god.”

“Oh you wound me, touché etcetera etcetera— Spikey poo, why can’t you see that I’m a draconequus starved for affection and just need a good cuddle from a sweet bookish friend of mine— and why won’t you let Twilight speak for herself??”

Of course, Twilight knew the answer to that second question— Discord did too. Twilight had a miserable experience with one villain (Or ex villain, she couldn’t tell after Fluttershy chewed him out), and she didn’t want to try her luck with another…until next Thursday. Nightmare Moon proved herself an apt cuddling partner. “I suppose I can’t blame her,” Discord continued. “The whole mess up in her schedule because she was suddenly booked for cuddles is— at least I think— why she’s so tense!” Twilight shivered as Discord demonstrated a clear ineptitude for gauging personal space by pinching her cheek with his talons. “Look at her, so frail; so fearful! She’s clearly been violated— a sick hape committed against her, a hugging with without mutual consent! Somepony has to show her that cuddles aren’t so terrible, and nopony has stepped up to the plate to do what needs to be done!”

“Discord, NO.”

“Discord, yes!” he said, bringing his arms out in a way that would have been inviting from anyone else. “This is my task today, to prove to the princess of friendship that cuddles are so much like friendship: Completely wonderful and magical in every way! Come hither Twilight, and we can embrace, and just maybe enjoy each other’s com—”

“NO!!” Twilight squealed, finally getting the nerve to say something.

Discord looked honestly taken aback. “…No? But I worked so hard to appeal to your nature, Twilight! Can’t I have just one?”

“N-no,” Twilight bravely refused.

“Oh please!”

“No!” Twilight cried.

“Oh, please!” Discord begged, wide eyed.

“No!!” Twilight yelled.

“Oh please oh please oh please—”

“No, no, and NO!” Twilight finally shouted back, nerves finally being overruled by anger. “No cuddles! Not from you—” Twilight stomped her hoof. “Not now—” Another stomp. “—and not ever in the future or past! No cuddles!”

Discord’s horns flopped pathetically. His head and ears drooped dramatically as he pouted. It was a sad sight to see, and Twilight almost felt guilty for making him upset… almost. “…But that’s what I was planning to do today… just some harmless physical affection, and I thought you’d want me to be friendlier… It’s just… why not Twilight?”

Uncharacteristic as it was of Discord to be mopey, Twilight felt she needed to explain just why she didn’t want to cuddle with him. He was a friend of Fluttershy, so it was the least she could do. “D-discord… We’re not friends. We’ve known each other personally for a while… but I can’t think of a time where you actually went out of your way to make me happy like you do with Fluttershy. E-every time we’ve met here in Ponyville—or anywhere else really— it’s been entirely unpleasant. Y-you need to better understand friendship.”

“…So that’s why you won’t…?”

Twilight nodded. “I just don’t trust you hug me without possibly hurting me.”

“But what am I supposed to do now?”

Twilight thought long and hard. There was a non-zero chance that Fluttershy might be upset at her for not at least trying to make a friendship with the draconequus; so that was priority— personal opinion of him aside. Discord wanted to cuddle with her, Twilight didn’t want cuddles from him. It was quite the conundrum indeed.

Then a thought occurred to her. Maybe there was a way to let him cuddle with Twilight without actually cuddling with Twilight Twilight? Twilight quickly lit up her horn, and disappeared with her number one assistant, leaving Discord to tap his mismatched appendages together.

Thankfully he didn’t have to wait very long. Twilight and Spike reappeared moments later, Spike with slightly singed scales, and Twilight with… Twilight?

Discord was still somewhat mopey, but his curiosity was piqued too. “Oh…? Who’s your little friend there?”

As the other Twilight fluffed her wings and looked around with excitable curiosity, Twilight answered him with a calmness that only came after being relieved she didn’t have to interact with Discord much longer. “This, Discord, is a mirror clone of me.”

“Books?” The other Twilight inquired.

“In most every aspect she’s a perfect replica of me; except like every mirror clone of her kind, she has a very narrow interest.” (3)

Discord Blinked, surprised again with the turn of events. Twilight brought a foreleg across the clone’s withers before she could dart off to the nearest library. “This one in particular likes books,” she continued. “If you can keep her happy with her narrow-minded interest and not squeeze her so hard that she pops, I may be able to trust you with myself.”

At this, Twilight picked up the clone in her magic, placing her in his paw. Discord stared.

The clone stared back, head cocked to one side.

Slowly, Twilight backed away, gently dragging Spike along with her wing. “So! I’ll be back to see her in… oh, about a week just to make sure she enjoyed her time with you— I-if she’s still in one piece that is… Anyway, good talk! I gotta go and do some errands that I’ll probably remember what they are whenever I get to wherever I gotta go! Bye!” Forgetting her horn in the urgency to get away from Discord, she scooped up her dragon with her wing, placing him backwards on her back and ran as quickly as she could to the other side of town, leaving an astounded Discord to look at the clone in his arms.

“…A clone. How on earth didn’t I think of that? I must be losing my touch of chaos or something…”

“Books?” The clone inquired.

Suddenly all the information Twilight told him about the clone became clear in his head, like somepony turned on a light in an otherwise unused section of a dusty basement. “Oh… OH! Right, books! I have to find books for you! Books to read— or eat, I don’t judge!” He dropped the clone into a curled up part of his tail, securing her snugly. Then he beamed.

“I happen to know of some very big libraries! Come, not Twilight! Let’s make Twilight proud of me!” He shot up into the air, sailing north as fast as equine-ly possible.

“B-b-books!!” The clone squeaked in fright.

Twilight watched Discord speed off with the poor clone, leaning heavily against some non-specific house. “I… can’t believe that worked.”

Slightly concerned, Spike patted Twilight on the head. “Yeah that was kinda tense those first couple seconds. You gonna be alright?”

“I think so,” Twilight replied. “But I’m not sure how long I will be. I just don’t know what to do about this whole cuddling thing— I need to get to the bottom of the problem, and stop getting requests or demands for snuggle sessions from ponies I don’t like.” Twilight sighed, standing up tall. “I think it’s time to look for some help in research. Take a letter, Spike!”

---

“…And then she was gone?” Fluttershy asked, “Just like that?”

“Oh yes, she took off like a shot! I couldn’t get a word in edgewise!” He passed a book to the clone in his grasp, which immediately began reading it. “Such an excellent alternative to the real thing… Fluttershy, how does she manage to keep everyone happy like this??”

Fluttershy sipped her tea. “Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. Friendship is something that requires effort and commitment— especially with ponies whose personalities clash with each other, like yours and Twilight’s.” She smiled sweetly. “But I think if anypony has mastered the nuances of friendship, it’s the princess of friendship herself.”

“Well yes I don’t doubt that for a second; but even not Twilight’s happy!”

“Boooooks…” The clone cooed from the gentle ear scratches Discord was administering to her.

“I would have expected to mash her lungs into her heart after just ten minutes of handling her! That’s how the big joke goes, doesn’t it? Big ol’ Discord tries to be nice in his own way and causes grief for the ponies around him.”

“But you’re not,” Fluttershy comforted. “You’re already proving yourself to be a very good cuddling partner. I’m sure Twilight will be overjoyed to see how much the clone enjoyed being with you.”

“I know that I’m being a good cuddling partner, but it doesn’t make any sense!!”

Fluttershy tilted her head in that manner that always made Discord’s hard heart go soft. “…And what fun is there in Discord making any sense?”

Discord blinked once. Then he blinked twice. He bit his lip, smiled and tightly hugged the Twilight clone. “Of course, you’re right!! There is no fun in me making any sense! And if I have to be a cuddly draconequus to be absurd…”

Fluttershy put a hoof over her mouth. “Discord, be gentle…!”

“Then that is exactly what I’ll do!”

Fluttershy watched in momentary horror as a pony that looked almost exactly like Twilight struggled for air “Bwuuh!!” She squealed.

POW! The Twilight clone burst violently in a cloud of purple smoke, glitter and lavender scent. As Fluttershy coughed and the animals that lived in her cottage made a hasty escape, Discord watched in abject horror as the clone’s essence coalesced into a bright violet wisp, departing with all haste back to where it came from. He looked to Fluttershy, despair written all over his face.

“...She’ll let me try again with another one, won’t she?”

Fluttershy sighed. “I’m sorry Discord, but I think you’ve properly bucked yourself over.”

Author's Note:

HEY, REMEMBER THIS THING!?

Sorry for the inactivity. I know just how many people like this story, and it's always been somewhere in the back of my head. I only have one excuse for why this has not been updated for so long: I've been busy mostly with art and art related things, which you can find Here.

Still I can only hope that this lives up to your expectations, my friends. Now at this point there are two options for who snuggles Twilight next: Big sunbutt or little sunbutt. Take your pick folks, I can go either way.

(1) “Filly friend” is actually a partially true term. Fluttershy was indeed female, could be called a filly in a term of endearment, and she was indeed a friend. However, when the press makes an assumption of the love life of a pair of ponies it’s about as trustable as three little fillies claiming Fluttershy has Tail extensions. Gossip columns: not even once.

(2) After a particular incident involving two unicorns and an ursa minor, ponyville generally kept inside at night. No offense to Princess Luna, of course.

(3) Research on the nature of clones revealed that the narrow interest any clone has is based on any command programmed into them in the first thirty seconds or five minutes of manifestation. It is possible that Pinkie’s commands to her clones were too vague, or she forgot to add a necessary “Be considerate of poor grumpypants ponies” subroutine.

Comments

[ModMCdl]

OH. MY. GOD.

This got updated.
Glad to see it's still alive!

[Abyssal Angel]

IT LIVES! :D

[FTR2017]

Okay, just found out this story - and this chapter alone earned the thumbs-up and the fav.

I can't wait to read more from you.

Trakin'!

[Billblok]

Glad everyone liked this chapter. It was months that I was unable to decide how Discord would do the cuddling thing. Then it all came at me in a matter of 48 hours. Anyway I am in a little bit of a funk when it comes to my main comic on DeviantArt-- so I'm not going to force myself to be productive with that, and instead going to do the irresponsible thing, and take advantage of my funk to work on more story writing!