Don't drink & do magic, foals. Twilight learned the hard way during a sleepover, she accidentally used a dark magic spell that fused her & her best friends. Meet Twinkle Pie Sparkle, Rarishy Flutterbelle & Rainbowjack Appledash. Now the three mares must go on a adventure to find the stones that will unfuse them, any problems? They only have ten days to do it, or the souls will fuse and that means permanent fusion (even in the afterlife). Will they succeed? Or remain like this forever?
(EDIT: Ignore Rarishy in the coverart, she is a true Alicorn in the story)
First fic from me to my group
Constructive criticism is always welcome
(Proofread by PileRow666)
Chapters (1)
is this first chapter or somewhere between?
6599893 First chapter, of how many Idk, probably 5 or6
6599896 ok so how did they got fuse in the place?
6599944 Really? Really.....*sigh* Twilight & Co. Got drunk during sleepover at the castle, Twilight accidentally used a dark magic spell that fused Rarity & Fluttershy, Applejack & Rainbow Dash, and Herself & Pinkie, why fusion is Dark magic & no one uses it anymore will be explained in a later chapter
6600816 ok, maybe you shroud make a prologues for that part sound good.
6601080 Originally I did have one, but I couldn't come up with anything and eventually canned it
6601080 Originally I did have one, but I couldn't come up with anything and eventually canned it
6601105 well, you need to make one before post this story.
6601161 No. Dude, I said I couldn't come up with anything, if I forced myself to write a prologue, it's gonna end up pretty shitty, I don't even like prologues
6601209 ok so try making some flashback in this chapter to let people know what really happen.
This is cool!
6603026 Good, Glad to see you enjoyed it.
Sir/Ma'am, I believe this requires editing...
I just have point this out you have the time frames off it should 3pm not am
Also on that note
Okay,that's clearly asposed to be know
And one more time
Switch the d with a y in and. Then it makes alot more sence
6603092 it's currently 12:40 am where I am, so no.
6603091 I am a sir
6603099 Uuumm... That's your reply???
Also I don't believe Rarishy should be considered an alicorn given she can only pull upon pegasus (or flutterpony given her wings) magic and unicorn magic. A false alicorn (pegacorn or unisus) certainly but definitely not a true immortal alicorn.
6603109
1: I am very impatient, when I finish a chapter/Story, it's a miracle I get Proofreaders at all.
2: I'm on a mobile android, all my typing and writing is on an admittedly shitty phone.
Sorry if I sound mad, I'm writing to improve my writing.
6603099 seriously you do relize im trying to help you here i edit no charge and i was reading your story granted you dont care i see that but at least clear up your grammar mistakes but think about this ive been up for twenty-four hours it is four am here yet I'm trying to help you 3am was referring to a part in your story i forgot to qoute it doesn't take four hours for it to get dark at 3am it's already dark
6603124 I don't understand what impatience has to do with obtaining an editor/proof. What you need is somepony who will work on a story with you, to its completion. Kind of like the setup I have with my clients. They post; I borrow the text, edit, and throw it over to them, they update the story.
6603131 Oh, you want to help me? I'd appreciate that so much. Having, not only another proofreader, but an editor would so help.
And about the Rarishy thing, I completely forgot to mention in the description (gonna fix it) to ignore that part in the art, in the story she is a complete Alicorn
6603130 I have nothing to say to that statement
6603144 well nothing to say is the best thing to say sometimes
6603144 If I help, it would be a one-time thing, for this chapter only, due to the fact I already have a full set of edit work. I refer you to my bio "may accept quick work" If you're accepting anyway, how do you want to play this? I can PM you the results, but I prefer to work in Gdocs...
I will also be requiring a credit for my work.
6603149 it's you statement is incomprehensible.
6603154 Just PM me and I'll edit the story.
Do you happen to know where it easy to find editors on this site?
6603163 the group,called looking for editors easiest place to find an editor
This has a lot of potential and i really like spin you've given to each fused character, though the lead narative needs work. Assume this is the first fanfic your reader has come accross. At present the reader is dropped into a situation with characters only reminiscent of the pre-established cast, with little context bar the blerb, which shouldn't constitute essential reading. However, with a little expansion on the characters discription, an extra exchange or two to really ground thier combined personalities, the first part of this chapter it would serve nicely as a scene setter and a good lead into a 'how we got here' scenario. Not saying to get rid of anything as i quite like whats there, just might be an idea to expand upon this world that you've started to draw us into.
Watching this closely as i can see a damn good author developing behind the scenes.
6603174 Thanks. I'll take criticism.
6603163 Uh, wait who's editing the story, me or you? I belong to a group named "Looking for Editors" I'll link you when I have time, but otherwise just search it, or check my page.
6603184 wait, I thought you were gonna point out all mistakes, then send me a message, then I fix them.............that's not it's done at all, is it?
6603191 Uh, no. There's too many for that... I was proposing a full-on edit. As in, a potential near-rewrite.
were is the flashback?
6603144 The idiot can't even handle critcism. Hahaha!
You idiot.
6608209 What? They told me there's error and I'm fix them, I'm here to improve my writing, that's why criticism is welcome, you idiot.
Don't worry about it.
Curious as to when this is going to come off hiatus. I happened to enjoy this story and had been patiently waiting for another chapter.
Added this to my list of stories I'm tracking, last year. I mean, I know patience is a virtue and what not. But, as I previously stated,
Is this story going to come off of Hiatus any time soon?
Keep up the good work.
7204136 Thanks. I blame my writers block, and the fact I get WAY too many idea's in my head at once doesn't help either....
I do plan to continue this eventually, though.
Very interesting. Compelling story though personally I'm curious what it'd be like to see the Amalgamates talking to their fusion material
Why haven’t you added to the story? Also I feel like it deserves a proper intro to how they got into the situation. Like at least give a prequel to this