- Member Since 21st Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Last Friday
I Am The Night
Mares are cute. They are also fluffy. I want to pet the pretty mares and give them snuggles.
I Am The Night
Joined 21st Mar, 2012 ·
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Having not read the prequel to this, I'm probably missing something that would otherwise be obvious. If so, my bad.
It turned out, Thunder had forgotten he had planned a date with her.
That's a hell of a reason for the Element of Kindess to break it off with somepony.
And some fancy hats, Just so they wouldn't stand out in crowds when they arrived.
Bucking logic, how does it work?
After they kissed, They still had their forelegs around each other.
Could've sworn he had his forelegs on her flanks just a paragraph ago.
Twilight then took out a small camera,
I am extremely sure that cameras of this size don't exist in Equestria.
He looked carefully at the mist, And saw that there was a skull made out of the mist.
I love obvious foreshadowing that isn't necessary in the slightest. It's just adorable.
Before also falling out of the Train, And falling under the Train as well.
Redundant information is redundant.
"FLUTTERSHY! GRAB MY HAND!"
Pretty obvious what's wrong here.
Twilight managed to see out of the hole in the side, To see...An oil train not that far.
You know, there's breaking willing suspension of belief, and then there's pounding it and Murphy's Law together into a mix of bloody pulp and setting the whole thing on fire.
Anyway there's loads of miscapitalization here, listiness of random unimportant details, Twilight being as useful as dead weight, and no real emotions. Almost a decent try though.
''I haven't seen many episodes to know everything.''
Appreciate the effort, but please don't make a sequel.
368653 Believe me, He's forgotten a lot more dates than one. I probably should add that.
Logic makes no sense in my mind.
...Yeah...He kinda moved them up... :3
He's from Earth. They learned from him.
I've read this story a billion times, And always forget that.
In short, I'll fix this up right away.
368731 I've seen more episodes. I know now. I'll erase that. I really gotta make some changes to this story.
Since I've advanced over the months, I'm now better at stories, Considering I've watched many episodes.
368744 I'm making it anyway. But, Hopefully, I'll make it better than this one.
372615 Okay, I have faith in you!
Final Derpynation
you are not the first
376849 Oh. Oh, Well. At least I'm not the only one.
Wait. So how'd the rake stab her in the head? I mean was the wooden part leaning on top something for it to catapult into her?
379671 Actually, As it says in the chapter, Thunder invented a double rake, Which meant that the rake had "Stems" on both sides, To gather extra leaves and such. And since Applejack stepped on one side of stems, The other side went up and stabbed her head. Yeah...I'm idealess...
Did it skip over Twilight?
383312 Pretty much. Fluttershy was supposed to die, Then Twilight, Then Thunder, But since Thunder sacrificed himself, But didn't die, Death pretty much tricked itself into thinking Thunder died, Thus screwing up the plan...
...
I really need to remake this story.
And none of them were ever seen again, at least that is how I think the movies go, they are mentioned but never seen again. But is has been awhile since I have seen any of the movies. I read this on fanfiction.net as well and like I said on there I love it when Rarity dies. I am making two fics that Rarity dies in, a Conker's Bad Fur Day crossover and a Sky Crawlers crossover. Also Thunder Ice is sort of a Man whore isn't he, has sex with anyone he comes into contact with. I want to see more, continue the good work.
368653
Mabye he is using VIDEO GAME LOGIC. Man I love VIDEO GAME LOGIC. AND VIDEO GAMES.
Dude make a fucking sequel. Just to troll these guys. I'm god damn serious if you make a sequel I will follow you and all that crap. You HAVE to make a sequel. I don't like the story that much, I just want the readers to suffer!
431150 I was working on a sequel on FanFiction, But I stopped. I'll continue eventually. School's a bitch who wants me to suffer.
I want to say that neither of these could work, first of all only idiots make ovens with locks, actualy I've never seen an oven with a lock so not even idiots make those, secondly there is no way that stepping on the rake could cause enough force to punch through bones. Other than those unrealistic instances it was alright, if not horrifing but good
515492
...
*cough*pinkiepiephysics*cough*
527246
She was her own deaths fault! Why Pinkie! WHY??? Y U INSTALL LOCKS 4 NO REASON INTO UR OVEN YYYYYY???? Pinkie I'm sorry but that deserves a facehoof 
Oh please no!
527255 Umad, bro?
527289
Not cool.
527292 trololol
I'm not so much a fan of this story, but I do like the concept of mixing FD and MLP. It seems appropriate somehow.
Most of the deaths seem to involved the natural results of having deadly objects carelessly handled rather than any plan on Death's part. What kind of crazy dual doomrake did Thunder make? Why does Pinky have an oven door that locks? Since when is a sword required to cut fabric? In any of these cases something more mundane would suffice. Applejack being knocked backward by the rake....where a pointy rock cracks the back of her skull from the force of her falling body. A table falls, wedged against the oven door. Rarity's cutting machine jams, so she yanks and yanks to clear it...only for the force of her pull to break loose one of the tiny blades and have it fly into her throat.
If you are going to do a sequel (and why not?), part of what makes a death shocking is when it's unexpected. Death by being near giant swinging blade? Expected. Death by someone misusing an industrial nail gun a quarter mile away? Not so much.
RAINBOWDASH NOO!!!! *cry*
I like....
Good job.
Open up new tab, and click this. Skip it to the 3:34 mark. Ignore the extra voice. Just pretend you hear one voice.
I wonder... is this supposed to be here?
515492 Yea, remember though. This is Final Destination. Have you seen the 5th one? Where a Buda statue was so heavy it smashed a guy's head, yet light enough to be placed on a wooden shelf about 5ft-ish and not break the it?
DASHIE!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO.... I keel you.
LULZ
433820 I'll help you with ideas!? ................................ *Cue squeaky noise*
741165 its supposed to be like pinkie screaming.
awesome story
so what will the next story open up with? and i bet this was spike's last thought, i'm coming rarity!
anyone for pinkie pie? sorry couldn't resist
368653 I'm working on remaking it.
OH FOR FUCK SHAKES PINKIE BREAK THE FUCKING FOURTH WALL!
741204 who? death or the creator of this fanfic?
368653 You're comment actually made me remake this story. Thank you, sir, for giving me the strength.
I believe that the story was shit when it was originally made. So, I'm making big fucking changes to it. :D
1597097
Well I'm glad to hear it! Good luck with the remake; if you need someone to look over it for you, feel free to ask me.
(Also I'm actually a chick, but that's largely irrelevant.)
1597824 My bad, miss.
Wow, this fells just like a Final Destination movie. Great work!
1818108 Not really. The story sucks. Every death was easily predictable. But nonetheless, I'm glad you liked it.
Just note that this story will be going through (already is) a rewrite.
368653 Yeah. I wasn't even close to amazing ideas...at all.
At the time, I thought the story was good, mostly because people liked it. Then as time went by, eventually up to now...I came to the conclusion that the story in vanilla form just sucks major plot.
You'll be happy to know that the story is undergoing a rewrite, and will hopefully be better than its original form.