When a single, pointless fight shatters the love of a lifetime, the story we all thought we knew changes in ways that nopony could have expected.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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New Twilight in town provides an interesting perspective. Really enjoyed this chapter!
Curious to see how Cadence will blend in!
Meh, most of this chapter really didn't need to happen. Also, not sure how I feel about the multiple partner aspect.
woot update.
so it looks like we're following cannon mostly for this episode, but Cadence is shadowing, and we may see Spitfire later, so it's still up in the air on who will be the elements. I'm also not all that sure if twilight is going to want to stay in Ponyville after all is said is done, as she already has friends in Canterlot and well Cadence. Either way I'm eagerly awaiting your next installment to the story. ooh maybe we'll see twilight's first visit to Ponyville from Cadence's point of view.
Untold generations now equates to 3.
3981261
Yes, but it sells better if they don't tell anyone that. Therefore, it is untold.
Lordy, this was fun. :) Your changes to the canon of her arrival were subtle but enhancing. The little extra about the cider, the interaction with Derpy and how Rainbow thanked her, her perspective on Rarity, the fact that she already has friends (some of whom come with benefits), her more enthusiastic approach to Fluttershy... this is totally breaking the second-order counterfactual rules and good for you.
3981261 Hey, that's just what Celestia told her.
Besides, given how we have no idea just HOW old Granny Smith really is...
3981305
True, but the 'granny' part sure gives away the generation. No worries I'm just messing around, loving the chapter so far.
3981199 How else will Twilight end up adding Chrysalis to her harem?
I mean, I don't see any other way this could possibly end.
3981322
I am pleased to inform you that doesn't happen at all.
I don't even consider that a spoiler. *Snicker*
enjoying this greatly so far... though I really hope the elements don't shift around any, really want to see how cadence handles life with Twilights ponyville friends....
That was pretty good, even though we've all seen most of that, the little touches to set it apart were nice. Although, when so much is the same, brevity is certainly going to be your friend.
The only thing that nagged at me was the way you ended Applejack & Rainbow Dash's parts with both of them blatantly declaring their friendship. Even the show wasn't quite that blatant about it, and it makes the moment feel really forced. Even just some different wording could really help those out; something like AJ saying she's always friendly towards guests, or RD saying she'd like to hang out more, or even the cliched "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship." if you're looking for a laugh. Heck, since the story is more leaning that way, RD could even end it by making a quick pass at Twi.
3981331 Would be a good omake, though.
This was super cute. It had all the familiar elements with a nice twist.
So Cadence will be involved from the get go, eh? It will be interesting to see what role she plays in this.
Shining Armor is still not back from his training? What does Celestia have him doing? I find it funny that I feel more and more sorry for Shiney with each chapter that comes out. Twilight has practically grown up without her brother. This kind of distance could even make them strangers, especially at Twilight's age.
Yay! Spike appears! He's been missed.
Dat mischief
3981331
Well color me dissappointed
3981199
I disagree. This story has set up a different Twilight thanks to the whole time travel thing. Seeing the subtle differences in how she meets her 5 future friends gives a solid foundation to all future interactions.
First rule of a Lapis story: Twilight will get it on.
*Skims the first few paragraphs to confirm...*
YES!! Finally we get to the show!! ALTERED TIMELINE HOE!
What? We never saw prior to this so it doesn't really have all that much of an 'altered' vibe to it till now.
3981527
Not really, the beginning of the chapter set that up just fine with the way she interacted with Cadence and Spitfire, along with the mentions of Fleur. Everything that came out of the rest of this chapter was a bunch of minor changes and single sentences of thought that were not worth the words it took to get there. This will be even more true in the following chapters when things actually change and the same thoughts can be noted.
I have no problem with that... I just would have preferred that it actually have meaning. I would have loved it if we'd seen how Twilight reacts to Cadence (the pony she professes to love) pushing her to have sex with other ponies. Cue 'Romance Reports' ala SleeplessBrony. Sex is never just sex.
Really kind of disappointed to see the rest of the normal mane six here. Retelling the first two episodes of the show never works. Ever. Even The Wrong Place At The Right Time, which features entirely different ponies in an entirely different city fails to avoid being overshadowed by the pall of knowing the exact shape of the story beforehand.
Twilight forgot to turn off her swag and will get all the mares again.
Friendship is magic? Pff, Love is more powerful.
All hail Twilight's Marem! (not the group, the idea!)
3981597
I see what you're getting at there. At the same time it would have been kinda weird to have shown the beginning of this chapter and then warped straight to when Nightmare Moon appears. I feel that Lapis had to show something about how the original introductions went with this new, more socially aware, Twilight Sparkle.
I agree with this. I'm almost thinking a small chapter should have been introduced to show how that conversation played out and how Twilight felt about it. Not a full chapter, sort of a chapter 4.5.
At the same time Twilight was 16 when that happened. If you offer most 16 year olds a chance to have sex, well, they'll take it and damn the consequences.
3981676
3981668 <<This. Exactly this. Everyone already knows what's going to happen when Twilight gets to Ponyville, we don't need to have it retold over the course of 6k word chapter.
3981715
We'll see how this plays out. With Cadence tossed into the mix it might end differently. Nightmare Moon could win!
Personally I don't mind a retelling with a twist. I kinda prefer this over a chapter that opens with a small blurb about how Twilight found her friends, found the elements, and smacked down Nightmare Moon. I'd rather see it played out and get a feel for how things are different due to temporal tampering. Maybe I just like to read too much.
I guess to each his own in this case.
3981402
... you're right, the show was even more blatant about AJ. Like her fourth sentence blatant.
3981402 you might wanna rewatch the first episode.
need so much more of this
Why is this story so awesome? =D
3981261
Well, Twilight may not be aware of that. Also, it would technically be 4 generations, not 3, since Granny Smith's Parents were still alive when they received the land from Celestia.
Why do I want to see Celestia's plans and manipulations for Twilight come crashing down around her? I really, really do... There's gotta be one chapter/episode in this story where Twilight puts her hoof down and says, "No! Absolutely not!"
I'm glad I started reading this the other day. I can't wait to see how it al turns out. The subtle differences here seem like interesting touches. I'm waiting to see how the arrival of Nightmare Moon is altered. Much less the mayhem that'll be the ticket master. I could list a bunch more episodes I can't wait to see changes in like bridal gossip and Sonic Rainboom. But I doubt anyone wants to read that.
That said I Can't wait to see how rainbow reacts not just to Twilight knowing spitfire but also being quite close to her. And when Rarity finds out about Twilight's connections to Cadance, Fancy and Fleur the squee will be so high that not only will the dogs hear it it'd break every window from Ponyville to Canterlot. However I do have to wonder what Shining will be like now. He's likely to be different to a vast degree. Here's hoping that he's not to hardened by his training.
On another note. s my math faulty or is Nightmare Moon several years late? If I recall the stated time of Chrysalis' mediling it was to take place just five years before the 1,000th summer sun celebration. Yet far more then five years seems to have passed. I'm likely recalling that wrong, or an answer was given in the comments some time ago so if I've made a fool of myself please do tell me.
For a moment I forgot who the pink pony was, thinking it was Cadence in disguise. Great work keeping this as close to the original scenes as possible. I just wonder now how Twilight's relationship with Cadence will factor in. Will Nightmare Moon be defeated not by the original mane 6 but by the power of a fully charged Alicorn protecting her beloved.
Plus last chapter end you mentioned stuff about Chrissy. She may have returned to the time stream she came from or she may have stayed around and kept quiet. If it's the latter then she might feel that things still aren't going quite to plan or if my prediction comes true then she will sense Cadence using her magic to protect/help Twilight against Nightmare Moon.
I'm not asking for answers of course. Just thinking aloud. Looking forward to more.
I was wondering how this part was going to be handled. I suppose it isn't quite completely handled yet, as the big question comes after NMM is defeated; does Twilight request to stay in Ponyville with her new friends or return to Canterlot to be with Cadence? Which isn't really much of a question, as she already has a life with Cadence in Canterlot. So I wonder what might happen at that point... either she goes back to Canterlot, and doesn't become as close of friends with the other Elements, or something happens to make her stay in Ponyville.
I'll just have to wait and see, won't I?
3981764 3981779
huh... *rewatches the first episode*... well I guess my memory of AJ was a bit off. I had forgotten about her "It's like you're already part of the family." line. However, her statement 4 lines in is that at the Apple farm they love making new friends. There's a big difference between "I like making friends." and "You and I are friends now."; one is describing their own personality, the other is describing your relationship with a stalker. Rainbow's in the show was much more natural, saying that she finds Twi to be a laugh and they should hang out more.
3981828
Well, if you really want to quibble about the details, Granny Smith was the first to make zap apple jam, so it's still 3.
Either way, something that has been going on ~60 years doesn't qualify as "untold generations" and you can't use "maybe she didn't know" because then she would have used a statement like, "for I don't know how long," or "for longer than anypony can remember." Personally I kinda like Lapis' trollestia idea as the best explanation.
3982255
Honestly, I'm kinda expecting her to invite them all back to Canterlot with her. TBH the only one I can really see being a hard sell would be AJ.
RD -- She just gets her some personal training with Spitfire; sold
Rarity -- tons of Canterlot high-society & fashion connections; sold
Fluttershy -- A position with the Royal menagerie; sold
Pinkie Pie -- A bit harder, but I'm guessing Royal Party Planner might convince her to come; sold
AJ -- No clue...
3982198
Given how Nightmare Moon/Luna is not only at LEAST a millennia older then Cadence, but also sufficiently powerful enough to take down Celestia on her own on two occasions, thats unlikely. Cadence, who has never shown any particularly great skills at combat based magic (Beyond perhaps shields, though some of that might been osmosis from her husband in the OTL) or fighting in general in the OTL, is going to have her work cut out for her if she even wants to faze Nightmare Moon, much less defeat her. Not to mention "Auntie" Celestia would be SO mad if that happened.
: "What do you MEAN, you 'DEFEATED' Nightmare Moon?
: "Well she started beating on Twilight and something in me just snapped. Everything went red and the next thing I know I'm beating her head against the ground after an epic hoof-fight and Twilight, Spitfire, and those local mares are pulling me off Nightmare's body..."
:"Yeah I've got to admit Cadey, that was pretty bad-flank. Particularly the part when you burst through that stained glass window, went all "Get away from her, you WHORSE!", and then flung her through that interior wall."
:"Do you two have ANY idea how long I spent manipulating events so that TWILIGHT here would encounter the other Bearers, find the Elements of Harmony, and use them to REDEEM MY SISTER? NOT PUT HER IN A FRAKKIN COMA!"
:"Well Auntie, maybe if you told us these things ahead of time, we wouldn't be in this mess."
:*Incoherent rage*
3981471
I'm going to seriously laugh if and or when Shining Armor finally shows back up, the first thing that happens is that Luna goes all "Pray tell Us sister, who is that Adonis of a stallion over there, wearing the armor and the officer's sash? We believe We shall go introduce Ourselves to him."
3982261
Ah, but either that was a complete non-sequitur or it was her commenting on her love of what she was currently doing which was making a friend!
It's not that uncommon to refer to great/great-great grandparents as just Granny/Grandpa. I always just called mine Grandpa... not to mention my grandmother refers to her grandmother as "Your Granny Dunford" when she is talking to me.
3981471
Wait... THAT'S RIGHT!! I call shenanigans! Spike has been conspicuously absent up till now! Don't just pop him up all of a sudden now like so many crappy authors who forget about him do!! Where was he? What was he doing? We need more than just "Look! Spike just appeared suddenly out of no where after several years!"
"crazypony"
probably ought to be two words
"danced aside a large mud"
I am not familiar with this usage and would suggest replacing "aside" with "around".
And so the next stage begins. :D
I'm afraid that I do have one small complain, thought: I had difficultly following Twilight's progress towards the Hourglass Room at the beginning. The story doesn't really give any details on the environment along the way.
On the other hand, I particularly liked the worldbuilding you did in this chapter, and the additional (relative to the first episode) details you included. And also this universe's Twilight showing… appreciation for the rest of the Mane Six of a sort that I'm pretty sure canon Twilight didn't. :D
Hmm... so Twilight and Cadence bang everypony? That works for me, I suppose. It's not even surprising, Twilight is always the pimp. Now she just needs to get Celestia somehow. Or her and Cadence get in a serious one-on-one relationship, whichever works.
Errr, is Cady aware that her girlfriend is apparently involved in several other sexual relationships?
I only ask because I didn't see anything that implies that Cady is doing the same thing so I wonder if Twi's maybe possibly accidentally-on-purpose cheating on her girlfriend?
3982434 Madman is one word.
3981471 I think the Shining Armor part is what might be bothering me the most about this story.
"Sorry, Auntie, I couldn't use my magic to make him overlook the difficulties of our relationship"
"Okay then. Off to
exiletraining with him"3982731
Yes, but wouldn't the analogues to that be "madmare" or "madpony"? I don't really see "crazypony" as similar enough.
Great Chapter! I look forward to the next one. I loved how it was similar, but with tiny differences to show that Twilight was different from the show. I can't wait to see more of this Twilight with the elements of harmony, and how Cadence also changes things.
I was sad we didn't get a little more of Rarity interacting with Cultured Twilight though. That would have been a real treat I think.
Hopefully there will be plenty of moments later after the Nightmare Moon arc though.
Well I really enjoyed this chapter. Keep on keeping on.
i like this twilight
3982723
It's actually stated in the part with cadence, when she's walking through Canterlot. She sees/thinks about other ponies that both she and Twilight have called lovers in the past.
3983730 Hmm. Must'a missed that bit. I thought she was just talking about close friends.
3983737
I could see that. I might not picked up on it if it wasn't for the fact that it had given me serious pause. I wasn't sure how much I would enjoy Twilight being such a sexual creature. The rest of the chapter, however, more than made up for any misgivings I had. Seeing Twilight eye the AJ and RD was just awesome.
There ya go
I'm liking where this is going. A change to both the characters due to having the One and Only illusion broken and instead engaging in a more open and alternative love life makes this an interesting twist. So far, you've managed to keep the characters fairly well in place, though I felt the whole "Twilight is still in a reclusive shell" thing was a little forced and didn't show. I think if you approached it more from a "She acts social but is terribly aloof and unreachable about it" would have worked better for these purposes. As it stood, it felt more like trying to force the character to be what's needed for the Ponyville scene but having the new Twilight you made act far too differently for it to be an even fit.
3982261
She could end up doing a back in forth thing with them until the Crystal empire deal hits later down the road. It'd be easy convincing them to go to the crystal empire for much of those reasons you listed, and add on top of that getting Applejack to help start up a new Apple family farm there would be fairly straight forward.
Ok, so Twilight had no problem with Cadence having other sexual partners and even got in on the action, fair enough. But Twilight and Cadence are knowingly helping a mare cheat on her husband?! That, doesn't sound like something Twi would do, and given her affinity for love I wouldn't think Cadence would either. This actually makes me quite sad.
3983845
If you're talking about Fleur De Lis - She and Fancy aren't "Married" So to speak, and they're hardly monogamous. =p I kind of covered this, didn't I?