When a single, pointless fight shatters the love of a lifetime, the story we all thought we knew changes in ways that nopony could have expected.
Page generated in 0.042 seconds
Total duration
983 users online
3,136 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
need a lot more of this sweet one piece dress, This has all of the yes happening right now and I cant wait to see this story fully developed, keep the good work up.
... Oh... My... This is... I don't normally favourite mature stories that have a sex tag, but dammit, this is something I have to see where it goes!
Jeez. One fight, and she immediately gives up on the whole notion and reassigns him to Antarctica?
Confucius say: No dishonor, but Princess is total nutjob.
3945421
As we've seen, alicorns are highly susceptible to negative emotions. Look at Luna, she went crazy and tried to kill Celestia because ponies sleep during the night. Luna was pretty well aged at the time of her turning anyways. Cadence, the princess of love and barely aged at all, had felt someone's love for her die. Even if temporary that would mess Cadence up. Especially when she has the power to fix it and yet she cannot. What was Celestia to do, let another pony close to her go insane? Twilight in the show also has her episodes, again I think all alicorns and future alicorns are affected profoundly by emotions.
Have to say, I can dig this. I'll follow this intently.
"But such is the ever shifting whims of love"
such are the
Curious concept you've got here.
Ouch, poor Shining. Not that the relationship was likely to go well for him anyway, given the premise of the story, but still.
Interesting, but Celestia was so OoC that I almost just lost interest. I'll keep on reading, but I just wish that part could have been done differently.
As 3945421 said a single argument had her just flip out, and not only did Celestia not try to solve the problem in a way that wouldn't cause even more pointless drama (or, heaven forbid, suggest they talk about it), but neither of them seemed to be bothered by the fact that Cadence's magic, which is solely for easing tension, had absolutely no affect on Shining, and seemingly made things even worse. You'd think at least one of them would stop and think, "Wow, that incredibly suspicious situation where her powers completely backfired at a crucial moment is incredibly suspicious!" But no, Celestia has an immediate fit.
Not only that, but the entire situation felt a bit contrived, like the only reason for it to happen was to force the plot to go on. Shining Armor seems perfectly reasonable, so why would her tutoring Twilight cause such a huge issue to the point where he takes it out on Cadence and have it where she has to use her power to ease his stress? Instead of any of the characters coming up with plenty of valid reasons or solutions, everything seems ridiculously convoluted in order to have the story be possible.
Sorry for nitpicking, but that's just something I didn't care much for. Everything else has been great, and that's why I'm still looking forward to where this goes.
I'm confused, Fleur came across as British one moment and then French in the next, what the what?
thoughts upon reading chapter one-
So, we seem to be heading towards a creepy romance between Cadance and Twilight. I mean, atleast in the case of Twilestia one can argue something about 'she's so old that everyone is young to her, would you deny her the chance because of that?' and such(though even that requires care because... well, I've read a few that carry the stink of pedophilia in the past), but Cadance is... well, she's implied to be near Shining's age, and she's Twilight's foalsitter at this point. So, based on Twilight's behavior and Cadance's, I'd say maybe ten years between them, give or take two. That's a creepy huge gap. Like, thirty year old with a forty year old, sure, but not thirty and twenty... Well, at least it seems to be thirty five and twenty five, ish(the first few paragraphs of chapter two put Twilight at 24), in the 'present day' part of the story. I hope it's some sort of 'they don't see each other for several years, and THEN...' case.
Celestia is really, really, really chess-mastering. Well, at least she doesn't seem to be a zanatos speed chess player. After all, not everything is going according to her plans, and she seems to have made a somewhat rushed decision on sending Shining away. Makes her feel like someone with most of the knowledge, but who behaves as though she has all of it. Which, incidentally, makes her feel more human! yay!
Wait.
...
Cadance sure comes off creepy in her one shining-cadance interaction. 'Cadance, I have a problem with this!' 'It's not that big a deal!' better use my mind rape spell to get us off the topic!
I mean, in the show, it implies that it just brings to mind the good you feel for the person, sure, but in this, Chrysalis 'twists the magic' and it becomes mind control. That's either a hell of a trick, or a hell of a commentary.
3958335 I got French right away.
Wow, Celestia is kind'a nutter butter, here. Seriously, any relationship completely free of hardships is either the single most impossibly amazing relationship in the world, or a complete farce. It's a normal part of relationships! Damn near an integral part. Even if it was somehow normal to completely cut off a promising relationship at the first bump, to go a step further and send him away from his friends and family, away from everything he's ever known, with no choice and no way to defy it without ending up in prison, with censored communication, for years if not decades if it takes long enough for Twilight to grow up and begin a relationship with Cadance, is just outright vicious.
[Edit] To clarify, I understand that being a soldier in training means that he understood he could be sent away, and even agreed to it, when he signed up. But there's a difference between being sent away under normal circumstances for normal training, and being sent away for training because you aren't perfect and made the Princess's niece cry. In the former, him being a soldier is the reason, while in the latter, him being a soldier is a convenience excuse. What would Celestia have done if Cadance had been dating someone else? Someone who wasn't in the military; who didn't have a nice and tidy pre-existing ruse to send them away from their friends and family under?
Shining probably needs some time away from Cadence if she's been using magic to manipulate his emotional state. That's more than a little creepy. Also, Celestia seems out of character here. Was there some big plan that hinged on Shining hooking up with Cadence?
3990003 oh, nothing to important. Just, y'know, the moulding of a young mind growing into adulthood that means agelessness and stupid amounts of power just waiting to be put to use at the very least... so, just a little side-project.
3986008 Celestia was playing chess with entire civilizations when your grandfather's, grandfather's, grandfather's, grandfather's, grandfather's, grandfather was shitting himself in sheer terror because a farmer threatened to uproot a potato.
While I prefer NLR, I doubt she wouldn't have some sort of plan, whatever the boyfriend situation.
This feels more than a little contrived. Why would Celestia completely flip out over this? Was there some kind ongoing issue between Shining and Cadence beforehand and this event was the straw that broke the camel's back? Is that what was going on? Because that's the only explanation I can think of right now. If I'm right, it had better be expanded upon sometime later. If I'm wrong, Celestia is super OoC and doesn't even bother to investigate if there was something else going on.
I can see a little mistake that you made in one of the sentences Fleur spoke in french.
Mais oui.
3986008 It's a dick move and she is responsiible. Shining felt that his sister's training would take too much time away from them. He has point. Celestia forced the issue.
Now similar in age are Fleur and Cadance? Cause I would hope Fleur is a couple years older at least. I get the feeling Cadance isn't much older than 18 or so.
Did Celestia ever find out what the cause was? I am betting it was sabotage, mainly cause I know...
3990003 hello were the hell you been crystal empire sombra any of those ring a bell
Mmmm Chrysalis, you are such a likable, evil bitch. Nothing trolls like a Queen, for she rules the Trolling Throne of Trollandia.
Hmm, interesting start especially since it brings to mind something I didn't consider with time travel. I would say that changing the past is nearly impossible, but this would be a way where it could work as nothing really changes beyond the actors in question during the major events. I think I can see where you are going with this but it still has my attention.
6236002 neigh good sir the title of queen goes to trollestia
Nice intro, good work.
All right. Referencing the Legacy of Kain in the description means that this story has a Legacy to live up to. Let's see if it does well...