- Member Since 8th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Yesterday
furryman
A simple anthro kitten writing simple anthro stories.
furryman
Joined 8th Jan, 2014 ·
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Good idea, way too short and fast.
you've condensed about 9-10 chapters into one, don't get me wrong its great, but you should've slowed down.
3940754
I agree with this....at least a 9-10 chapter story from this. What you have is an outline. You've got the basics, which is good. I'm actually quite intrigued about your setup with this: Not many stories are set up where Spike is not Twilight's assistant, but rather a dragon king from another time. Even moreso that you have it set up as Fluttershy treating Spike and eventually falling in love with him, and vice versa with Spike falling in love with Fluttershy, though I do enjoy that twist at the end where we discovered that not only was Spike a exiled king with Fluttershy as his wife, he has a fiance dragoness back in his kingdom waiting for him.
Another thing that bothers me is how quickly that after Spike came back, all the other mares (excluding Fluttershy) just decided to up and leave Equestria for Spike's kingdom. Once again, it's a good story, and compared to your first story "Spike's Secret" it is a marked improvement, but there is still so much more to go. Continue on your craft, young Padawan.
Once again, you need to lengthen this. More details, more setting, give it a little bit of a background. Hell, several of your paragraphs can easily be extended, if not created as a seperate chapter. And as for sex scenes, the details is more important than the act. Actually put us into the scene. We want to feel, to taste, to touch, to listen. Sex is more than just dick into vagina, friend.
this should've been expanded
Like what eveypony else is saying this is a good story just rushed a whole lot.
3958052 I agree the pace was faster than roadrunner for the olds Warner cartoons.
Not only a terrible story but a furfag as well. Good job.
You must have seen the anthro tag before you started reading it. Do you enjoy being tortured? An insult by a perverted masochist like you is just plain hypocritical.
decent story but like everyone sensible here has said I wish it wasn't so fast paced. I like how it sort of turned into an impromptu Spike Harem by the end.
3942316 spoilers
My dude this is just hilarious
This has potential to be a good story. Try and extend it to several chapters. I suggest using this as a base for the plot.
8388191
Any ideas?