Missing Pieces
"Missing Pieces"
Scootaloo's mane brushed across her face as she gazed at the blank sky above.
She stood there alone, surrounded by the warm night air for what could have been hours.
But she didn't care.
Tonight it would happen.
Tonight, she would finally leave the ground.
She would touch the sky.
Feel the wind through her wings.
The freedom in the clouds.
And she would never come down.
She slowly unfurled her small wings, and looked at them with fierce determination.
It was time.
Scootaloo looked around her for one last time.
Still nopony around. Just me and the trees.
Scootaloo had planned for this moment all month, it was important after all.
She was sure to come after everypony had fallen asleep, as to not be interrupted.
She had found this exact spot, weeks before.
It was perfect. flat ground, open space, empty.
That was except for the library nearby.
Scootaloo prayed that Twilight wasn't up for one of her midnight study sessions.
She brought her wings back, arching her body slightly as she had seen Rainbow dash do numerous times before, making sure to keep her mane out of her eyes.
"Alright Scootaloo," She mumbled to herself, "You can do this..."
She took another two steps back, before launching herself forward with all her energy.
She didn't dare open her eyes.
She felt her wings flapping, and realized she hadn't hit the ground yet.
So that was good.
She continued to flap her wings, pushing herself harder and harder, hoping that she was in the clouds.
Scootaloo slowly began to open her eyes.
She was greeted by the bright glow of the moon, shining upon her face.
She couldn't explain why, but for some reason it made her feel...safe.
Her eyes opened to a full gaze as she took in the scene around her.
All around her, she saw them...
Clouds.
Scootaloo began to feel tears well up in her eyes.
She was flying.
The warm air embraced her there, as if welcoming her to the sky.
Time stood still.
And then she looked down.
Scootaloo's peace shattered.
Everything below her was a blur.
The trees, the library, everything.
She began to flail and thrash at the air around her in a blind effort to stay adrift.
But instead she began to fall.
The air released it's hold on her, and watched as the filly plummetted miles below.
Scootaloo desperately flapped her wings, but it was useless.
She couldn't do it.
She was wrong.
And now, as she watched the clouds grow smaller as she descended,
She accepted it.
Scootaloo closed her wet eyes.
Bracing for impact.
When a voice pierced the air.
"Scootaloo!?"
She quickly opened her eyes, frantically trying to find the source of the voice.
When her eyes met him.
Spike?
What was he doing here?
"Uh, DON'T WORRY SCOOTALOO," Spike yelled nervously, "I-I'LL CATCH YOU!"
Scootaloo watched as Spike nervously shuffled from place to place in an effort to pin down where she'd land.
Had this been any other time she probably would have laughed.
But not now.
Scootaloo could feel herself nearing the ground.
She braced herself for impact once again.
But there was none.
She was on the ground, that was certain.
But she wasn't hurt...
The same couldn't be said for Spike though...
She'd landed right on top of him.
His eyes spun for a couple moments while he struggled to regain consciousness.
"Hey," Scootaloo spoke, eying the dizzy dragon underneath her,
"Nice catch."
They both sat there for a while...
Catching their breath, as they waited to see which of them would speak first.
It was Spike.
"W-what were you doing out here?" He spoke in between breaths.
Scootaloo sighed.
She didn't want to explain herself.
But she did land on him...
"I was...Trying to fly."
"But why so late? And why here?"
"I needed some space to myself, and, time to sneak out..."
Spike's eyes widened a bit.
"Sneak out? Don't you think your parents will get worried? Maybe you should..."
"I live in an orphanage." Scootaloo spoke, breaking the silence, and beginning another.
"O-oh..." Spike uttered, immidiately feeling stupid about his words.
How could he be so insensitive?
"I mean, what I meant to say was..."
"It's ok," Scootaloo spoke, brushing him off, "Not a lot of ponies know anyway..."
She slowly layed down in the grass beside him.
"It's not so bad I guess," She began, looking at the starry sky above them, "The ponies there are really nice, and I have a bunch of friends, but..."
She shook her head, surprised at what she was saying.
"I just feel like my real family is out there somewhere... Looking for me. But I know they'll never find me."
More silence.
"I know how you feel." Spike said suddenly, catching Scootaloo by surprise.
"How?" She asked, inquisitively, "Don't you have Twilight?"
"That's true, and I love Twilight, I really do, but she's not my real family. I really don't know anything about my real family, actually."
Spike layed his arms behind his head, laying on the grass as he watched the same sky.
"Twilight always told me she found me as an egg, with no insight as to where I came from."
"But there are other dragons right?" Scootaloo spoke up, turning to face the dragon at her side, "Haven't you seen the migrations?"
"I have," He replied, still looking at the sky, "But those dragons fly, and..."
Spike rolled over and pointed toward his back.
"No wings."
"I know what that's like..." Scootaloo mumbled to herself.
"Y'know, I'm kinda surprised we didn't wake up Twilight," Spike said, a small grin appearing on his face, "She's usually such a light sleeper, I can't even get a midnight snack without having her wake up to ask me if it's healthy half the time!"
They both shared a chuckle.
"Well I guess all that late studying is finally getting to her." Scootaloo said with a smile.
"Yeah, you're probably right." Spike replied with a similar smile.
They lay there for hours, talking about the things they loved, the places they'd been, the ponies they'd talked to.
When the conversation reached the point of Scootaloo's cutie mark.
"So how goes the crusade?" Spike asked, happily.
"Not good actually," Scootaloo replied, "I was hoping this would help me earn it..."
"Learning to fly?"
"Yeah, but now that I think about it, I'm not sure what a flying cutie mark would look like..."
"Wings maybe?"
"I guess," Scootaloo shrugged, "But it wouldn't be as awesome as something like Rainbow Dash's mark."
Spike rolled his eyes, and looked again at the sky above him.
He could barely see the stars any more, and a faint light seemed to be rising over the horizon.
Had he really been up all night?
"I guess I just, haven't found anything I'm good at yet..." Scootaloo spoke, looking down at the flowing grass beneath her.
Spike looked at her sympathetically,
"Nonesense. Someone like you is sure to find their talent soon, I mean you had the courage to come out here in the middle of the night and teach yourself to fly right? I'm sure you'll find it soon."
Spike moved closer, accidentally placing a claw on her hoof.
"I know you will."
Scootaloo looked down at Spike's claw, and then up at him.
"Oh, sorry..." Spike blushed, moving his claw away from her and behind his back.
'No, it's ok." Scootaloo said, her face bearing the same red tint.
"So uh..." Spike spoke rapidly, trying to change the subject, "If your looking for things to try, why not try ziplining? I hear it's pretty awesome, and it's almost like flying!"
Scootaloo thought about this as a huge grin made it's way onto her face.
"Yeah! Ziplining! That's a great idea! Why didn't I think of that?"
She got up from the grass, jumping up and down in excitement.
"Oh, I can't wait to tell the girls!"
She quickly approached Spike, and placed a kiss upon his cheek.
"Thanks Spike!"
His face became red again.
He tried to speak, but he found himself mouthing words, without any sound to accompany them.
"See you later!" Scootaloo said, jumping up and trotting in the other direction, "Thanks for everything!"
Spike waited until he saw her figure dissapear in the horizon.
He smiled, and placed his claw on his cheek.
"You're welcome..."
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- jdan · 2.8k words · 132 10 · 4.5k views
- Closer-To-The-Sun · 6.5k words · 146 5 · 4.5k views
- Closer-To-The-Sun · 12k words · 124 7 · 4.8k views
- jim150454 · 4.8k words · 150 3 · 18k views
- TheHooligan · 2.1k words · 158 7 · 8.4k views
- Closer-To-The-Sun · 4.8k words · 255 6 · 8.2k views
- Fishnchipz18 · 6.1k words · 185 6 · 6.6k views
- thewaffler · 15k words · 287 24 · 12k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.152 seconds
Total duration
889 users online
1,377,033 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
"her face baring" should be "her face bearing". I approve of this story. tracked with a thumbs up.
Hmm, well, I feel the need to comment of this. I honestly am very open to the idea of Spike and Scoot, as he is more in line with his age (well, truth be told ANY of the CMCs are good..I have seen Sweetie and Apple Bloom fics...but admittedly, never a Scoot one).
As I am curious where this story shall go, and in light of the previous story I have read of yours (which I loved...=p) I shall track this =)
That's kinda sweet. Not bad.
Sorry to dissapoint any of you, but this story is kind of done
It was just a sort of... experiment...in shipping as a whole
Really thank you guys, for all the support.
Any comments are more than appreciated
Im going to do the biggest comment iv evr done on my ipod. Ok lets do this LEEEEERRRRRROOOOOOOYYYYYY JEEEEEENNNNNNKKKKIIINNNNNSSSS! In all honesty i believe you caught the characters in the right light and exposed their feelings loud and clear. The only problem i have is.... Pause for dramatic effect... Absolutley nothing! Love the story and i am very pleased that this is the outcome of me inspiring you to come out of your comfort zone. Well done!
IMMA GONNA READ THIS FOR YOUTUBE!
365136W00t W00t!
can't wait to see it!
365774
Its done. Just need to render it now. I would have liked it better if you had continued it... I really think this could be a really good story had you continued but it seemed just too short. Dont get me wrong It was a great story. Im just saying I would of liked it better if you would have continued it...
366617
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VwZdY4Kr8M&feature=youtu.be
Win. I think you have the potential to do shipping! This is a great fic! Instant download to Ibooks!
367987Glad you liked it
how does one download fimfiction stories to iBooks? I think that would really help me proofread on the go...
370087 (This is how I do it on my IPod Touch) Pick the desired story. To the left of the status (Complete, Incomplete, On Hiatus, Cancelled) there should be a tab to let you download it. Tap it, and it should reveal a note pad and a green swirly thing (of death). The green swirly thing (of death) is the .epub download. This is the way to go. tap the green swirly thing (of death). Now it should reveal a different page showing the title of the story, and the tab "Open in IBooks." Tap that, and you should be good to go!
Tell me if it works. This is what my friend told me.
370576It worked!
thanks for the advice
Review: (Spoilers)
A decent start to a good plot, but here (passage below this text) you went from 3rd person into 1st, then back to 3rd. That whole intro was in 3rd (albeit that part) so that might have been a minor typo.
"Scootaloo looked around her for one last time.
Still nopony around. Just me and the trees."
Now i say intro was decent because i was not quite sure what you were trying to accomplish at the start. Here (again below this) you start off with a semi-dark paragraph.
"Scootaloo's mane brushed across her face as she gazed at the blank sky above.
She stood there alone, surrounded by the warm night air for what could have been hours.
But she didn't care."
But as the passage goes on it turns into a motivated speech that attempts to get the readers pumped at her attempt to fly.
Here i suggest that you re-type this sentence.
"It was perfect. flat ground, open space, empty." from that to this "It was perfect flat open space amidst the trees, empty of everything save for a few rocks and branches."
(Second section)
Here you mention that Scootaloo takes another step back but as i re-read the start it never mentions her taking a step back to began with.
"She took another two steps back, before launching herself forward with all her energy."
This sentence could use a little help. As you state, Scootaloo is falling while spike attempts to catch her, which obviously he does but what irks me is that the way you wrote it made it seem as if it was a graceful catch and nothing bad happened. Now believe me i am not nit-picking but i am merely saying that while you had the right idea, it could have been better. Here is your sentence.
"She braced herself for impact once again.
But there was none."
And here is what i think should have been written. (Or something along this line)
"She braced herself for impact once again.
Her skin stung as she was caught by the young dragon. Falling as such a high speed caused them both to fall to the ground knocking the wind out of Spike's lungs, but despite the stinging feeling on her skin she felt fine and knew that this was a lot better than hitting the ground."
(Third section)
Now don't you dare laugh but i have read many (Surprisingly a lot, even to myself) shipping stories and Romance novels and i feel you rushed the last scene a tad bit.
Now, you write about how they both stayed up all night and that they talk to each other about everything and anything. That part is fine but it is not continuous. As shown later in the text the following morning they show no symptoms of sleep deprive and or mental lacking motor skills. But that is not the point i am trying to make, what i am trying to imply is that your scenes are not fully believable (and or realistic). You need more Emotion, describing feelings and the area around them, and a new approach.
Emotion: Now you do a good job at keeping it simple and to the point and not over the top making out tongue action, just a simple cheek kiss. Good. But the way you write it is lousy. You have them talk all night but near the end they (Finally) have an awkward moment when the two accidentally touch one another, then minutes after that (i am assuming) Scootaloo kisses Spike's cheek. Now again good approach, bad execution. You should have had those awkward moment happen throughout the whole night they talked, accidentally brushing up against each other, making the night cold so that they would have to huddle closer, or hell Scootaloo just freaking landed on the dragon why not keep them like that (just laying side-by-side) for the whole night. You need to make the scenes more Romantic. Instead you did an overused cliche Boy saves girl from horrible death. But that is ok because the only reason it is overused is because it works. And i am going to tell you how to make your scene work.
As stated above you need them to have more than just one awkward moment. Just little things like Spike checking out her Scoot's flank or with Scootaloo looking at Spike's sleek scales. And then those awesome moments when they catch the other checking them out. Next have them do something they normally would not do, for instance. Spike is known for not liking girly mushy things, and Scootaloo is the same (Tomboy). Have them huddle close in the night (because its cold or something i don't know i am a reader not a writer) and give the two intimate moments when they both don't know what to do except that they don't want to stop doing it. After a full night of talking and getting close together physically and mentally THEN you give Scootaloo the courage to kiss spike on the cheek. Get it? The secret behind a good shipping is the Romantic moments.
Describing feelings and the area around them: As stated above you need to describe their feelings more. I gave a good example above when they hug (again for some whatever reason you come up with) and they don't know what they are doing but they know they don't want to stop doing it cause it feels safe and peaceful. Also stated above, have them check each other out, give them (and the readers) the actual feeling of attraction to each other be it Physical or Intellectual. Also elaborate on the night more, actually write down a conversation instead of simply putting "and they talked all night about stuff". Now i can understand if you did not have the time or the faintest idea on what to put, but the scene simply cant be Romantic if everything is skipped.
New approach: As stated above, the scene Boy saves girl, girl falls for boy thing is seriously overused. But its ok! Because the only reason it is overused is the fact that no matter how many times i complain about it i still give it a thumbs because it was good. And sadly yours was not up to par (remember this is only how i feel). It was sweet, not Romantic. I am not even sure if you needed the over the top dramatic saving Scootaloo from death scene. You could have easily replaced her from falling to her death into her just simply losing control 4-6 feet in the air and crashes into Spike.
Final conclusion: It was sweet and cute. But could have been better. But now that i think about it (i mean literally right now after i typed all the text above this line) maybe you meant it to be simple and sweet? If so you did an ok job. If you meant it to be Romantic then no, you did a horrible job.
All in all keep trying and go read some shipping and Romance novels.
And as always Bravo and Encore because no matter what i put, its not your fault, besides everyone has to start somewhere. I only hope you get better from here on out.
Short and nicely written (no/few mistakes, if there were mistakes, they were not glaring, would need to go through with a comb). Wouldn't mind seeing a sequel (maybe while both are more adolescent? just an idea), but writers prerogative.
375667
Yeesh, that bad?
It's alright, I see where you're coming from on nearly all points, in fact, a lot of these things bothered ME while I wrote it!
I REALLY like your suggestions and minor changes, and i will definitely be adding these things into my story when I get around to its editing...
Who knows? Maybe I'll change the whole thing (Keeping the concept in tact though..)
To be honest, this really was an experiment.
I barely ever read shipping stories, and the reason I did this is because I wanted to try something COMPLETELY out of my element...
And I wanted to try my hand at writing something short.
So, I wrote this story based off of a short concept, and I wrote it in one day.
So yeah, I guess it suffers for that. Really, thank you for all the help, and for taking the time to review my story, you've defenitely given me a lot more insight to the world of shipping
As you always say...Bravo and encore.
well done.
quick, to the point, bit of heart string pulling, cuteness, etc.
I liked it. tracked for later to see your other works.
Awe this was cute i really liked it :)
Damn good! So this takes place prior to the Cutie Mark Chronicles? (Natch!)
I'd love to see a follow up to this. Keep up the good work.
So THATS where they got the ziplining idea from...
Sweet and short, and while it does have a good amount of small errors, it was enjoyable. Thanks for the story to read!
A delightful little fic. I'm sorry that I didn't discover it sooner.
I've said this about several other fics already, but this should be canon.
MORE!!
please?
Gods, this story is really short but cure and honest, I like it!
Aw, that's so sweet!
Happy 12th Anniversary!